Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ If Roses Are Dark ❯ To Take Away (All of My Pain) ( Chapter 3 )

Disclaimer: I own nothing Yuu Yuu Hakusho related except for about seven tapes of English dubs, seven DVDs, and one wall scroll.

Part II of the Silver Obsidian series

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To Take Away (All of My Pain)

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~Hiei~

Sun was glaring into his eyes, too bright to see…

He rolled over and nearly fell…

Fell where? There was only the tree…

Nearly fell…

Nearly fell off the mountaintop…

Barely regained balance, everything was safe…

Lost his balance, safety was gone…

Fell over the cliff, fell off the mountain…

Fell to the ground, hundreds of meters below…

Fell into waiting arms, everything was all right…

Red hair tickled his face, the catcher leaned over…

Catcher was leaning over, leaning over to kiss him…

Silver hair flicked his chest, the catcher leaned over…

Catcher was leaning over, leaning over with a dagger…

Blood stained his hands, blood leaked from his head…

"Shineh…"

* * * * *

~Kurama~

The day passed easily enough, and, for the majority, without thoughts of a certain red-eyed little youkai. Only once during his lunch break did Kurama think of Hiei, and even then, he didn't have much time to. He had received the highest mark on another Biology test and was flocked with both girls and boys, each clamoring for his attention. The girls to get time to "hang out" with him, the boys to "cash in" on his intellectual secrets and leech off his popularity.

It was in Advanced Japanese Studies, his last class, that things really got…interesting.

He looked out the window as one boy asked a particularly stupid and obvious question, and saw a Hiei-shaped shadow lurking in the trees there. He quickly brushed away the possibility of it actually being his friend, but it was nice to watch. It somehow made him…less lonely.

The shadow shifted a bit, but didn't disappear. If it had been Hiei, he would have been shifting from a crouched kneel to a reclining lie. He appeared to toss his head.

The wind shifted, and the shadow vanished. Despite berating himself for it later and the startling child-like tones the sound implied, Kurama whined mentally.

Aw…c'mon, Hiei-kun, where'd you go?

You left, of course…

You left, when you were never really there…

And he thought about Hiei.

Everyone you've ever loved, or at least, tried to love - they've all left you, haven't they? You don't like love… It has a nasty habit of betraying you…

I wonder about you, Hiei…

I wonder, if someone did love you, if someone loved you unconditionally, as a partner, as a friend, as a - a mate…would you love them back? Would you have the courage to love them back?

Will you ever tell Yukina that you're her brother? Will you ever be able to face that she might, for one in millions and millions of chances, one out of those millions might let her be disappointed? But more of them will let her love you?

Sometimes, when I've exhausted everything else, when I can't wonder any more about you…

I wonder if anyone's ever kissed you goodnight…

* * * * *

~Hiei~

A crisp, cool wind, not unlike the one that had washed the park the previous morning, blew through his tree, and Hiei stirred. A one-eyed glance through the leaves at the sun told him it was around one o'clock, and Kurama would only be at school for a few hours more.

That dream…

Kurama, catching him, nearing him, almost kissing him…

Youko, dropping him, nearing him, almost killing him…

It had all been so realistic, so frightening, so…so Kurama.

He could deny it to himself all he wanted, he could tell himself it wasn't true, he could berate himself for even thinking it, but the facts remained clear: Kurama was a cold-blooded killer. And he loved him anyway.

Dammit.

Maybe he loves me… Maybe he was telling the truth…

Hiei flickered from his tree to another one near the window he knew Kurama sat by around this time of day. He knelt on the branch, watching the kitsune as he studied. Crouched over on the branch, watching his friend as he worked, waiting to see if he would be noticed, Hiei thought about Kurama, and it was strange.

The ningen façade is something we've all become used to by now, it's nothing new. It doesn't startle me anymore.

But it annoys me, doesn't it? It annoys me, it infuriates me, it makes me want to run down there and show you off for what you truly are, to tell all those ningen how foolish they are and how blinded they've been… But I don't. I can't. Because of you. Because it would hurt you.

Because you've developed a new life around this façade and breaking it would break you, wouldn't it? And I don't want that, do I? No, I suppose not…

He spoke then, and he spoke to Kurama, though he knew the kitsune couldn't hear him, and so it was to himself.

"Ai shiteru, kitsune…"

Please won't you love me back…

* * * * *

~Kurama~

Walking outside after his last class, Kurama glanced over to the tree Hiei sometimes waited for him in, hoping, but not at all expecting, to see him there. He was not disappointed.

Won't you come see me, Hiei? I have something to tell you…

He won't believe you, you know.

That was probably true. He wasn't known for being a loyal lover and had already told Hiei he never planned to take a mate. There was no reason for Hiei to think he would be loyal now, and even if, by some divine interference, Hiei did agree to take him, the issue of ownership would undoubtedly arise, and though Kurama would never dream of thinking he owned the independent little youkai, it would be tricky to convince him of that.

Please won't you come see me, Hiei? he asked silently, even looking around halfheartedly for his friend. Of course, he was nowhere to be found.

He walked slowly, or at least, slower than usual, still hoping, somewhere in the back of his mind, that he would see his friend running through the trees beside him, flickering towards his house.

His walk sullen and dejected, he let go the possibility of seeing Hiei and walked with his gaze fixed on the ground. Step…step…step…

A black flash lit the air to his left for only a fraction of a second, and so Kurama didn't see it.

* * * * *

~Hiei~

Darting through the streets in quick blackish flickers, Hiei sped toward Kurama's house, intent on getting there before the kitsune. Stopping short on the highest branch of a nearby tree, his cloak swishing around his legs as he took a fraction of an instant to regain his balance, Hiei made a decision.

He leapt in through the window and sat cross-legged on Kurama's bed.

Quickly calculating the distance and speed of Kurama's pace in his head, Hiei figured he had another ten minutes or so to himself. That was a painfully brief meditation period, and he didn't feel like doing anything under five or six hours at the moment. He needed something else to do, and while Kurama could occupy himself in the apartment for hours on end, Hiei was bored in seconds.

So he thought.

Kurama: indefinable, unmatchable, unreachable, untouchable, so beautiful…

Hiei: definable, passable, graspable, findable, so plain…

1. Antonym - Kurama : Hiei :: beauty : unattractiveness :: grace : awkwardness :: perfection : mediocrity :: everything : nothing

He's everything you're not.

Don't you think I know that?

A snicker ricocheted through his mind and his teeth clenched.

Of course; just making sure.

Ahou. Saru.

Ah, ah, ah, little one, but I can't do that. I'm just as much a part of you as…as he is.

Don't you DARE compare any part of me to him.

I'll do what I please, little one.

DON'T call me that.

A wicked laugh echoed through his mind, and Hiei started as Kurama entered the room.

"Hiei!" Kurama said, startled.

"Hn."

"What are you doing here?" he asked, laying his bag on the desk and walking over to stand before the bed.

Hiei looked away a moment. 'Trying to figure out how to talk to you.' No, his pride would never stand for that.

"I was waiting for you, kitsune." Perfect. Not too blunt, but not sentimental or "romantic."

Kurama smiled slightly, though Hiei could see it was strained and almost forced. "…Why?"

"…To talk."

Kurama smiled again, kind and warm this time, and sat beside Hiei. He tentatively reached a hand out and, after a long pause, laid it atop Hiei's.

"I'm here."

* * * * *

Shineh: Die [also Kurama's keyword to activate the Death Plant]

Ahou: Fool

Saru: Go away