Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ If Roses Are Fair ❯ Tell Me Now (That You Love Me) ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: I own nothing Yuu Yuu Hakusho related except for about seven tapes of English dubs, seven DVDs, and one wall scroll.

Summary:

Focus: Kurama, Hiei

POV: Kurama, Hiei

Pairings: N/A

Baseline Plot: Hiei loves Kurama, but Kurama, who has had so many lovers in the past, does not know how to feel when his best friend reveals himself. Kurama's and Hiei's thoughts and interactions during this difficult period are tense ones, and this twisted love may not result in what everyone expects.

Basic Timeline: After the Makai no Tobira hen ~ territory and before the Makai hen.

Note: Translations [for Japanese words used] at the end of the chapter.

Note: Italics indicate thoughts. ~[Name]~ indicates the changing of POV, i.e., ~Kurama~ indicates Kurama's Point of View.

* * * * *

~Kurama~

Such a perfect day…

The fresh atmosphere surrounded Ningenkai, completely free of the normal sweltering heat of a Tokyo summer and pleasantly breezy. Not oblivious to the weather, Kurama strolled through the park lazily, enjoying the scents and feel of the nature surrounding him and happily walking in more than a tee-shirt and weightless slacks. He was completely content.

Stopping at a random park bench, he sat down and leaned back, breathing in the perfume of the environment around him and absently identifying the aroma of the abundant sakura and the more mundane tang of rain in the air. He hadn't been called off on a Reikai mission for weeks, and had spent the time succumbing to an idle "ningen schoolboy" life, getting top marks in all his classes and completing every homework assignment with perfect ease. Youko was briefly entertained from time to time by the activities of Kurama's classmates, taking pleasure in their struggling during Biology or Chemistry class and silently gloating.

The downside, of course, was that he hadn't seen his teammates in nearly a month. Yuusuke was occupied with either Keiko, training, or the more routine missions Kurama was not needed for; Kuwabara was spending as much time as possible with Yukina and, when Hiei was too near, following up on his desires to become a scientist; Hiei was…well, he didn't know where Hiei was. Presumably somewhere off in Makai, working his skills down to a precise art.

The heat suddenly spiked to his left.

Well, perhaps Hiei was nearer than that.

"Konnichiwa, Hiei," Kurama called softly, leaning back and closing his eyes.

Hearing the telltale near-silent displacement of air, Kurama tilted his head slightly in Hiei's direction.

"Hn."

Smiling, Kurama instinctively held back a gentle chuckle, not thinking Hiei would appreciate that much. The visit was timed oddly, but not unpleasant. Kurama always enjoyed a call from his favorite little youkai no faia. He so rarely had the chance to see him when not on the now rare missions, the special treat was welcome any day.

"Haven't seen you in awhile," Kurama noted calmly, opening his eyes to look over at Hiei, who was still standing beside the bench. "What have you been up to?"

Hiei shook his head sharply. "Not much you'd be interested in, kitsune."

"Now, now, Hiei, you don't know that. Come sit down, why don't you."

Another shake of the head.

"Oh, come on," Kurama berated teasingly. "No renegade youkai are going to attack you out here."

"You don't know that," Hiei returned, but sat rather primly on the very edge of the bench regardless.

"So… What have you been doing lately? Not being tracked by Koenma, I assume. You're off the Reikai "Most Wanted" list, aren't you?"

A nod this time, and Kurama smiled again.

"Training," Hiei finally replied. "Practicing. Stealing. Murdering."

"What fun," Kurama murmured jokingly. "Perhaps I should join you some time."

"You should. Life here is so…dull."

"Not dull," Kurama corrected. "Just no murder, that's all. Normal."

Hiei leaned back against the bench, still managing to keep his posture tense and barely rigid. He appeared to be thinking before he spoke again. "If this is normal, I want no part of it."

Kurama couldn't help letting a little laugh escape, biting down on it as Hiei turned to offer a lukewarm glare.

* * * * *

~Hiei~

Dammit, this shouldn't be so hard.

Masking his ki easily, Hiei hovered in a nearby tree, watching Kurama walk languidly down a barely-worn path through the less-used sections of the park. Blossoms and ferns curved over to greet him and he paused occasionally to stroke them lovingly, not worried about observers noticing this strange action in such an obscure area. The kitsune paused to rest on a bench, and Hiei watched him awhile longer before letting the deep guard on his ki slip just a little bit, his natural body temperature instantly heating the area.

Kurama tilted his head slightly to the side in an unmistakable request for Hiei's company, and the little youkai complied, if somewhat slowly. Kurama still confused him - it had begun just recently, but was just as unmistakable as the kitsune's silent request. Hiei didn't like being confused. Darkness was his friend only when he chose to submerge himself in it, and never otherwise.

"Konnichiwa, Hiei."

He dropped down from the tree as Kurama's gentle alto voice offered greeting, muttering a quiet "Hn."

Now that the thought had reemerged, though, it was difficult to chase away. It wasn't that Kurama himself confused him so much as it was whenever he was around Kurama, strange feelings overcame him and he was buried in a haze of misunderstanding and distortion. Feelings outside of self-loathing, pain, insecurity, hatred, and anger were new to him, and after a bare three years getting used to them, his four-hundred-plus body was still tense and wary whenever they emerged.

"…What have you been up to?"

Oh - the kitsune had been speaking to him. Hopefully, he had said nothing too important, as Hiei had been too submerged in his own thoughts to notice.

"Not much you'd be interested in, kitsune," he offered, shaking his head.

Kurama smiled slightly, meaning the answer had been suffice. He would have to pay attention to the conversation now, though - there was time for his own private ponderings elsewhere.

"Now, now, Hiei, you don't know that. Come sit down, why don't you."

Unused to a relaxed atmosphere of any sort, Hiei shook his head again. Dropping one's ki guard was one thing, but dropping the guard on one's defenses was quite another. A youkai could be killed in less than a minute for such a foolish mistake back home.

"Oh, come on," Kurama insisted, intercepting Hiei's thoughts and thus, the reasons for his reluctance. "No renegade youkai are going to attack you out here."

"You don't know that," he answered automatically, but at the soft look in the kitsune's gentle emerald eyes, he sat warily on the very edge of the bench. Damn that look. It could persuade him to do anything the kitsune wanted, even if Kurama didn't know it.

"So… What have you been doing lately? Not being tracked by Koenma, I assume. You're off the Reikai "Most Wanted" list, aren't you?"

He just had to bring that up, didn't he? Hiei was a thief and a criminal through and through, though, and there was no escaping his past. May as well grin and bear it. Without the grin.

Hiei only nodded. But then, this was his best friend. Why not be brutally honest?

"Training. Practicing. Stealing. Murdering."

Kurama smiled again in that kind way he was so good at. It drove Hiei to the brink of insanity sometimes.

"What fun. Perhaps I should join you some time."

"You should," Hiei replied instantly, before realizing Kurama must be joking. He would never leave his life here in Ningenkai, no matter how droll. But still, Hiei could push the prospect. "Life here is so…dull."

Kurama's response was just as instantaneous. "Not dull. Just no murder, that's all. Normal."

This was the human's definition of normalcy? How pathetic. How fitting, but how pathetic. Normal in Makai consisted of day after day filled with murder, thievery, betrayal, and deceit.

"If this is normal," Hiei summarized, "I want no part of it."

Kurama laughed, and Hiei's instinctive response was a sharp glare. For Kurama, though, he toned it down some. Less sharp, and more a non-threatening warning. Kurama clamped down on it, but the teasing smile remained. Good enough.

"So, Hiei," Kurama began, starting up the conversation again, "what's the reason for this unexpected visit? Please, don't tell me we have another mission."

"Not that I'm aware of," Hiei replied distantly, unconsciously becoming lost in his own thoughts again. Those frustratingly unreadable feeling were surfacing again, but if he was ever to find peace of mind again, he needed to sort them out and stop running whenever they appeared.

"Kurama, you're…adept at sorting out feelings," he stated bluntly, delving into the subject before he could give it a second thought. Kurama's confused expression and slow nod were not a positive reaction, but they were an accepting one, and that would suffice.

"Hiei, is there something - are you feeling something…new? Strange?"

Well, of course, ningen-heart, Hiei muttered darkly in the confines of his own mind, glaring at the dirt. "Yes," he answered instead. He couldn't be feeling it too… No. Definitely not.

Kurama leaned back again, looking up at the sky, a peculiar expression on his face. He appeared to be thinking hard, which was something, at least. If nothing else, he was trying to come up with an answer.

"Can you explain it? At all?"

"Hn," Hiei muttered, giving himself time to orchestrate a decent response. His first instinct was to say that no, he could not, but perhaps that was wrong. Perhaps he could describe it, at least to a degree, if not completely.

He thought, long and hard, but it led him only so far. Kurama smiled encouragingly, though, spurring him to go on thinking.

"I suppose it isn't clear," Kurama said finally with a soft laugh. "Just try speaking, then. Begin with what you know and keep talking until you can't talk about it anymore."

Hiei nodded slowly, turning to face Kurama and meeting the glittering emerald pools of his eyes. He choked slightly, then cleared his throat and began speaking.

"It's confusing… A huge mess of emotions and feelings that won't sort themselves out and that I'm too unfamiliar with to understand. It leaves me in the darkness and I don't know what to do."

Kurama nodded slightly, which was also encouraging. "Do they come about at any particular time?" he asked gently.

Tell him tell him tell him say it tell him say it it's not hard say it do it tell him…

"When I'm with you," he blurted, unable to stop himself. Uncertain as to why it might be a bad thing for him to tell Kurama, he shook his head sharply, resting his forehead in the heels of his hands as he felt a fierce headache creep up.

* * * * *

~Kurama~

Kurama drew in his breath sharply, letting it out in a hushed sigh.

The signs all point to one thing, but it can't be true… It isn't true, it can't be…what do I tell him?…

"Hiei…you love Yukina, don't you?"

Hiei jolted out of his hands with a start, staring blankly forward, his normally brilliant wine-red eyes clouded and confused.

"Yes," he murmured automatically, sounding oddly mechanical and eerily hollow.

"Does that feel anything like what you feel now?"

He nodded stiffly, his eyes never moving from the spot they had focused on, his normally sharply alert eyes still hazy and almost a dull grey-pink.

"But more so, right?"

"Yes." His voice is a hushed whisper, so different from his normally hard, cold tones that it frightens me.

Nothing about him was normal anymore. This revelation has perhaps startled and even frightened him more than Kurama had anticipated, but his actions were startling and unnatural. Kurama was frightened.

"Hiei," he began, trying to go about fixing his friend. "Are you alright?"

A rushing torrent of words was his fast-paced response, and did nothing to calm Kurama's clearly too-tense nerves. "You've just explained to me, Kurama, that I'm in love with you. Do you know how strange that is? That my best friend is now the object of my desires? That even knowing your history as Youko, even knowing how many lovers you've had and how few friends you've kept, even knowing all I do about you, I still fell in love with you?"

Kurama winced. Hiei had spat the word "love" as though it left a stinging and bitter taste in his mouth, as though the last thing in all of three worlds that he wanted was to be in love with the kitsune. Of course Kurama was unused to youkai not wanted to love him, but someone finally did, and his best friend, no less… Somehow, this hurt. His best friend didn't want to love him.

"Hiei, you don't have to…"

"You don't understand this at all! I don't choose who I love! I love you because… I don't even know why I do! All I know, kitsune no baka, is that you're a part of my subconscious now, and I cannot be with you without feeling this - this - this sparkling something I can't understand. You make my heart hurt, baka, but it's not in a way I don't like. All I know is that only you have the power to truly hurt me anymore and giving you that much power scares me."

"Hiei," Kurama began placidly, trying to sort out his own tangled emotions, "it's alright. You're unused to being in love - you're even unused to loving Yukina, you've done it for such a short time now. It's new, and anything this…big, this important, when it's new, it's scary. But-"

"You don't understand…"

"Hiei, I'm here to talk whenever you want." Despite circumstances, Kurama smiled caringly. "What don't I understand?"

"This is all new and yes, it frightens me, but the point is that is you don't love me in return, it's all meaningless droning on my part. Kurama," he said desperately, turning to the kitsune with shining eyes. Were those tears?… "Kurama, tell me you love me. Please, tell me you love me."

Kurama started, jerking back in surprise. But it posed an interesting question. He had never really thought of the youkai in that way, but now that the question had been raised, what was the answer? Sorting through his mind and the knotted feeling roiling within him, he picked out the ones that were stirred when Hiei, and only Hiei, was around. Interesting… This was new…and not exactly unwelcome, either…

"Hiei…"

* * * * *

Look at the pretty cliffhanger-that-isn't-really-much-of-a-cliffhanger. Cool!

Anyway, I promised you translations, didn't I? Okay, for all you stories-with-Japanese veterans, know that I'm translating all the Japanese I used for those not-so-veterans new to the world of stories with Japanese in them. Yes, even "konnichiwa."

Ningenkai: Human world [Ningen: Human]

Reikai: Spirit world

Makai: Demon world

Konnichiwa: Good day

Youkai no faia: Fire demon [Youkai: Demon]

Kitsune: Fox

Kitsune no baka: Idiot fox [Baka: Idiot, stupid]

Okay! Expect another chapter…whenever I have time. Yeah, that'll work.