Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ If the Roses Die ❯ Nobody But Me ( Epilogue )

Disclaimer: I own nothing Yuu Yuu Hakusho related except for about seven tapes of English dubs, seven DVDs, and one wall scroll.

Part III of the Silver Obsidian series

Note: this chapter, being the epilogue, is written marginally differently from the others. For one thing, it's not in one or the other's POV. The precedence is that Hiei [whose letter is medium-short] and Kurama [whose letter is short] have each written the other a letter - whether they will ever be sent remains to be seen - detailing their deeper thoughts. Passages of the letters are littered throughout the main texts, recognizable by the italics. The letters in full are written out at the end of the chapter because the insertion gets confusing [a little] at the end.

Note also: this chapter takes place approximately a year after the end of the last one, give or take a week.

* * * * *

Nobody But Me

* * * * *

Dear Kurama,

"I should be used to your using the window after all these years, shouldn't I?"

"You should," Hiei answered the laughing question shortly. "I don't see the point of a door when there's a perfectly good window right here."

Kurama smiled. "Well, Hiei, most humans aren't as athletic as you or me. They need doors because they can't jump all the way to the top of a tree."

"Have them climb, then."

Another laugh. "They can't all do that, either."

"Hn."

Hiei moved to sit on the bed, flinging his cloak onto the hook Kurama had so thoughtfully installed under the sill due to his frequent visits. He tucked his legs under him, kneeling to face the happy kitsune sitting opposite him.

I dreamt about you last night.

"'Can't all?'" Hiei repeated flatly. "So some of them can. Make the rest of them do it, too. Life would be easier. They're too lazy as it is. Learning to climb trees would help them."

Kurama let another bubbling laugh escape him, turning to his papers as Hiei stared at his back, confused. Their relationship had changed since the "love fiasco," as Kurama had dubbed it, and the kitsune laughed more now, as if trying to chase away the invisible darkness. It rarely sounded faked, though, and Hiei didn't mind. If it made Kurama feel better about whatever was bothering him, then let it go. It didn't hurt him.

Curiosity poked at Hiei's mind as Kurama wrote, and he craned his neck slightly to see the work before his friend.

"What's that?"

Kurama made a face. "English. Want to help?"

Hiei lay back against the cushions, closing his eyes. English? What the hell? No one needed that, whatever it was. Hiei had survived just fine without English, and he was well into his multi-hundreds. Maybe it was all a joke.

"What do you need?"

Kurama held out a piece of paper. "I need to memorize these irregular verbs and their conjugations. Can you quiz me?"

Taking the paper, Hiei looked down and frowned. So it wasn't a joke, it was a language. He knew the tongue well enough, English or whatever Kurama called it, but whatever this list was, it looked worthless.

"Conjugate 'desu' in the present tense," he said, tilting his head in confusion.

Kurama leaned back in his chair, resting his chin in one hand. "Desu…" he murmured softly, closing his eyes. "Desu: to be. 'I am,' 'he is,' 'she is,' 'they are,' 'we are,' 'you are.'" He opened his eyes, sitting up and landing his chair in the proper position. "Am I right?"

Hiei blinked. "Yes…this is stupid. Why you need to know this is called "conjugating," I have no idea. Who cares what a language is called, by the way? What did you call it, English?"

A slight nod. "Yes, English. It's something ningen do, giving names to things, to make them easier to organize and keep track of." Kurama reached out to take the list back. "Thank you."

But Hiei wasn't ready to give it. "Now do it in past tense," he said, still sounding a bit perplexed.

"To be: 'I was,' 'he was,' 'she was,' 'they were,' 'we were,' 'you were.'" He smiled. "Alright? Is that enough for now?"

"I guess," Hiei replied, relinquishing the list. Truthfully, he was glad to give it up, as he didn't like things he didn't understand and he didn't think he would ever understand the purpose of most things ningen.

You told me I was special. And I believed it.

"So, Hiei," Kurama asked casually, "what's the cause of this unexpected visit?"

"I was bored," was the equally casual reply. Hiei shrugged. "Your house is better than Yuusuke's or the fool's." He lay back on the bed with a soft flump. Kurama smiled, putting the list back in his folders and standing to stretch.

He moved to the door, pausing as his hand reached the knob. "Hey, Hiei - want some ice cream?"

Hiei sat up abruptly, turning to watch Kurama. "Yes," he answered instantly. Flitting to the door, he waited a bit impatiently for his friend to open it, his eyes trained on the knob. Kurama laughed.

"Downstairs, in the freezer," he reminded the youkai, opening the door. Hiei took a moment to pause and glare. "I know where it is, kitsune," he growled, blurring down the stairs.

Kurama arrived a minute too late to save any ice cream that may have survived Hiei's freezer raid, coming just in time to watch as Hiei polished off the first half-empty carton. He smiled affectionately, taking a chance to ruffle the youkai's hair. Hiei shook him off, turning to the next carton, this one nearly full.

"You're going to get brain freeze," Kurama warned, sitting in the chair opposite him at the table. Hiei looked up.

"'Brain freeze?'" he asked suspiciously, poking at the now nearly empty carton. "What's that, exactly?"

"When you eat too much cold food in too short a time," Kurama explained, "your brain feels like it's frozen. Numb and shocked and such."

Hiei shrugged again, returning to finish off the last few slips of the chilled treat. "I haven't gotten it yet," he answered indifferently.

Kurama only smiled again.

Kurama, am I special to you? Or is it all a dream? Am I just a hopeless child with dreams of a better tomorrow? Or do you really care?

Kurama, will I ever really know? Or will your words always be clouded by lies for what you think is my well-being, and will I always be confused?

As Hiei finished the third and last carton, Kurama stood to throw them in the recycling bin and Hiei stood with him. Kurama looked over his shoulder curiously, but Hiei wouldn't return his gaze. The redhead shrugged it off and bypassed his seat in favor of the couch, his friend coming around to sit beside him.

"Kurama…"

Kurama started instantly. That beginning always resulted in something important, but Hiei hadn't brought it up in over a year. He didn't like to discuss his feelings, so this had to warrant undivided attention.

"Yes, Hiei?"

The little youkai took a breath and locked his eyes to the kitsune's. "Remember when you told me you'd be there when I was ready?"

Kurama nodded. The day was as clearly imprinted in his mind as his own name.

Hiei's gaze was unflinching. "What if I'm ready?"

I want to believe…

Kurama moved an inch closer. "So am I." He laid his hand atop Hiei's. "Are you sure you want to talk about this? Now?"

A slight nod. "Kurama, I've been waiting for this for nearly a year. I know when I'm ready."

"Alright, Hiei. I'm here."

"You always said you would be…" Hiei murmured, practically silently, and Kurama didn't strain to hear him. "Kurama," he said louder, blinking up at the redhead, "remember, nearly a year ago, when I entered your mind with the Jagan?"

Kurama nodded. Another fact that had been difficult to forget.

"Remember when I said I didn't trust Youko? But I trusted you?"

Another nod. Kurama was struck silent, waiting, waiting to hear what Hiei was getting at.

But this world is unsure, and I can't risk believing in what might not ever be there. But I want to, want to so much…

Just this once, Kurama. I'm taking a risk. I'm believing in what might never be there. Because I want to believe.

"…Remember when I asked if Youko would betray me? …Remember when I said I was afraid?"

Afraid?

"Yes, Hiei, I remember… I remember all that."

"But you said Youko and you were the same being - I couldn't love one and hate the other…and I was so confused…"

"I remember that, Hiei - I didn't mean to hurt you - It's just that…it's true - we are the same being."

It was Hiei's turn to nod now, the barest hint of a smile gracing his lips. "I know it, Kurama. It's okay. Don't worry about it." His smile widened, very slightly. "I'm over it. Are you?"

"Yes, Hiei," Kurama laughed at the question. "I am. …Is there anything else bothering you? About…this?"

I want to believe, because I love you, Kurama. And so I'm believing in something that might never be there.

Please don't let me believe in something that will never be there, Kurama. You're holding my heart in your hands, and I trust you with it. I trust you not to break it. Because I want to believe.

"One thing…"

"What is it?"

Dearest Hiei,

Hiei looked away at a moment he perhaps should not have, watching the floor when it was Kurama he so needed to see. He took a breath and did not turn his gaze.

"Kurama, I…have a question for you."

Kurama tilted his head slightly, the smile gone, leaving a subtly kind expression in its place. "What is it, Hiei?"

"…Am I special?"

I loved someone once, a long time ago.

They left me, a long time ago. And I thought I would never love again.

His expression shifting from curious to playfully confused, Kurama sat up and looked at Hiei. "Is that what your biggest fear had been, Hiei? That I don't think you're special, or different or unique?" He stood and walked over to the bed where Hiei was sitting. "Because that's ridiculous, Hiei."

The little youkai looked up into Kurama's eyes, obviously mystified. His grip tightened on the bed sheets and he blinked.

"…Why?"

But dearest, Hiei, may I tell you something?

Sitting beside Hiei, the redhead tentatively laid an arm across his shoulders. "Because you are unique, Hiei. You are far different from anyone I've ever met. Do you remember that day, nearly a year ago, when you kissed me? I told you it was nothing like anything anyone had ever done to me?"

Hiei nodded, his expression a mysterious blend of childlike innocence and ages-old wisdom. "Yes, I remember."

"You ran off, Hiei. I thought you would stay and let me say more, because I was foolish and in that moment, I didn't truly know you any more than I did when we first met. But, Hiei, the truth is that no one has ever kissed me the way you did." Kurama even had the grace to blush as he spoke. "Do you know why?"

Hiei tried to look away, but he was frozen in place by some mysterious force he didn't know. "No…"

The blush had turned from pale pink to bright red, but Kurama kept speaking. "You're the best, Hiei, and that's no lie."

Stunned and still frozen in place, Hiei could do no more than blink up at his friend for a long minute. Finally regaining his bearings, he shook his head once to clear it and spoke softly.

"Are you…are you willing to give me a chance at this relationship stuff?"

Kurama held Hiei in a tight hug. "That depends, Hiei. Are you willing to give an old kitsune another chance at love?"

Hiei smiled. "Always, Kurama."

I love you, Kurama. Always and forever.

--Hiei

I do love you.

Forever,

Kurama

* * * * *

Desu: to be

For anyone who doesn't feel like interpreting it themselves, the sentence reads "Take me away to a secret place amongst stars where everything is mysterious and magical and nobody knows…nobody but me." Yes, I added an ellipse. Because I wanted to. And it's my story, so I can.

Hiei's letter:

Dear Kurama,

I dreamt about you last night. You told me I was special. And I believed it.

Kurama, am I special to you? Or is it all a dream? Am I just a hopeless child with dreams of a better tomorrow? Or do you really care?

Kurama, will I ever really know? Or will your words always be clouded by lies for what you think is my well-being, and will I always be confused?

I want to believe…

But this world is unsure, and I can't risk believing in what might not ever be there. But I want to, want to so much…

Just this once, Kurama. I'm taking a risk. I'm believing in what might never be there. Because I want to believe.

I want to believe, because I love you, Kurama. And so I'm believing in something that might never be there.

Please don't let me believe in something that will never be there, Kurama. You're holding my heart in your hands, and I trust you with it. I trust you not to break it. Because I want to believe.

I love you, Kurama. Always and forever.

--Hiei

Kurama's letter:

Dearest Hiei,

I loved someone once, a long time ago.

They left me, a long time ago. And I thought I would never love again.

But dearest, Hiei, may I tell you something?

I do love you.

Forever,

Kurama

Kurama is talking about Kuronue, because I buy into the theory that they were probably lovers.

Aw, the story's over…it makes me sad. Thanks to everyone who read and/or reviewed!