Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Intangible ❯ Autumn Days ( Chapter 13 )

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.Thirteen.

It was a nice day out compared to the weather we had a few days before-with all that rain and thunder. For some strange reason the weather always seemed to follow in pattern with my emotions. That day we had grey skies and some sunlight. It fitted perfectly with my doubtful mood. I had been bedridden since the "purging of the evil psychic voice" as Koenma so eloquently put it and I was more than a little irritated. Apparently the influence over my mind had affected my body as well and I was stuck at home with a raging fever. Fortunately, mom wasn't home so I had the entire place to myself. Unfortunately, my friends had decided to come by every hour or so to check up on me.

They were probably thinking I was going to run away-which, of course, I would never do.

So as I lied there on the couch, flipping through channels with nothing but ads playing, I started thinking about Kurama-Kurama and Hiei, to be more exact. Kurama had been by my house several times already in the past few days, which was no surprise. Each time he was here, though, he bore the same unreadable expression. It was almost like he was talking to a complete stranger, with his polite smiles and greetings. On more than one occasion I asked him if there was something wrong. He always replied with a laugh and drifted onto another topic without giving me an answer. It was as if he didn't even want to face me, but was doing it because he hadto-either because he was a friend or because he was still playing my boyfriend so of course it was required both ways. I didn't know what to think.

Perhaps he felt guilty about something? Maybe he didn't want to play the role anymore? But this was something else I still didn't understand. If he had gotten what he wanted, then he really shouldn't have any guilt. I hadagreed to drop the role once he and Hiei hooked it up.

At this point, I had to go into the kitchen and swallow another pill for the pounding migraine that had struck once again.

I was so focused on thinking (something quite rare from me) about Kurama that I completely failed to notice the front door opening and a figure walking in. Genkai would have scolded me on such "absence on the surroundings." I only jumped when I heard the soft sounds of someone walking on the carpet. When I looked up, who else could it be but Kurama? I could only glare at him. Why? Because he had disturbed me on my thinking-and because it was about him. Who wanted the object of their thoughts to be standing right before them? Not me. It just made everything more uncomfortable and I was forced to stop thinking about Kurama right then and there.

In retaliation to my glare he arched an eyebrow, and I almost laughed. "Do you guys plan on watching me forever?" I asked, turning off the television to spread my body fully over the couch. The only bad thing about having a headache is that you just want to sleep the entire day to get rid of it. But it would have been rude of me to sleep in front of Kurama, right? I only snickered at the thought.

"You're looking better today," he remarked calmly, sitting down on the other couch across from me.

Just then I was hit by the sudden memory of yesterday. The day where I decided to break it off completely with Kurama. To say I failed in doing that task would be an understatement. I more than failed. I pretty much flunkedaltogether. Damn Kurama and his eyes. They were proving to be my ultimate downfall. It was unnerving to think something that simple was affecting me this much.

"Yeah," I murmured before suddenly looking at him curiously. "Exactly what happened to me after I collapsed? Kuwabara didn't bother to explain."

This was yet another topic that haunted me-not in a bad way, though. I just wanted to know. It was about me after all. I deserved that much. But Kuwabara would only just look at me strangely each time I brought it up and shrug it off. Hiei plainly ignored it altogether. Koenma-well, I didn't even want to talk about it with him because I knew he would develop some way to get me to do something outrageous in return. I hadn't even thought about asking Kurama-and he was the one who was right there beside me when it all happened. Somehow, he managed to slip my mind.

As expected, Kurama eyed me sharply. I blinked innocently.

"You died."

Of course I suspected that much. I narrowed my eyes. "How long?" I inquired.

Kurama's gaze seemed to falter for a minute, and he didn't bother to look at me anymore. "Five minutes," he replied.

I took in this new information. "Gosh, I can't believe I died again," I murmured aloud, some amusement in my voice. It sounded rather morbid of me, but I couldn't help but laugh at the thought of me escaping death so many times.

"It's funny to you?"

I glanced at Kurama. "Well, it's not funny that I could have died permanently this time, but it is funny that I have managed to avoid it once again," I remarked with a chuckle.

Kurama narrowed his eyes at me. "Have you ever watched a friend die?" he inquired, his tone cold.

I stared at him for a minute. So that's what it was all about. I instantly began to yell at myself. Suddenly, I felt guilty. Kuwabara already saw me dead the first time-and the second-and now the third. Kurama and Hiei saw me die twice. But I suppose once is already enough. I thought Kuwabara had died when Toguro attacked him during the tournament-and that had driven me crazy. So I guess I could understand what it felt like to lose someone close-even if they really weren't lost.

It was the most unbearable type of pain-the feeling of uselessness-that you couldn't help them in any way at all.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly, looking at him sincerely.

That was why Kurama was so distant with me in the past week. It wasn't even about Hiei-it was about me. He was angry at me for being so nonchalant about the entire ordeal. I guess I deserved it, though. I was usually blissfully ignorant when it counted the most.

"There's no need to apologize," replied Kurama calmly. "As long as you understand."

That look was back on his face. The one that read, "You are an absolute idiot, Yusuke, but we somehow manage to tolerate with it." I grinned and sat up slowly. "So what about you and Hiei?" I quipped.

For a moment, surprise flashed across Kurama's face before he covered it up. "What about us?" he asked in return.

I rolled my eyes. "This whole thing with us. Are we still on?" I retorted, trying to hide my impatience.

Kurama's eyes glittered brightly. "We could break it off if you want. I don't want you to be forcing yourself in this," he said calmly.

Sometimes Kurama's concern for others really annoyed the hell out of me.

"No, you idiot," I began, watching as Kurama's eyes widened in surprise, "I mean you and Hiei seemed to have gotten a lot closer than before. I saw you when he took care of you in Genkai's temple. It seemed like you guys already established a relationship."

That image still brought goosebumps to my skin. I had caused that pain for Kurama. And Hiei was there nursing him back to health. I really didn't deserve him-not at all.

"I suppose it did seem like that. But Hiei was only doing that out of camaraderie."

I looked at Kurama dubiously. His expression held some disappointment, yet something else was there as well. I sighed to myself. My idea on abandoning Kurama had flew out the window. Hiei's ignorance was something beyond my comprehension. How someone could possibly not notice Kurama was simply wrong.

"We're going to get that stubborn youkai to realize your feelings sooner or later. Trust me, Kurama, it's a promise."

It was amazing how I could sound so sincere about something I only halfheartedly agreed upon. I wanted Kurama to be happy-even if it was at the risk of my own happiness. I had been given enough chances to experience that feeling of mutual love. He at least deserved to live it as well. And Hiei? Well, even though he could be a prickly little youkai at times, he was still one of my closest friends. And someone like him just needed some loving in his life before he went totally asexual.

"What about you?"

"Eh?"

I looked at Kurama in surprise. His expression on me was unwavering. "I feel somewhat guilty-leaving you alone," he clarified, a small smile on his face.

I shrugged my shoulders and shot him a grin, though it probably failed in reaching my eyes. "I chose that path a while ago. Don't worry about me," I replied.

Kurama watched me. I stared back at him. We remained that way for several seconds before he broke the chain. I tilted my head to the side curiously. Even if it was only for an instant, I felt that somehow he was sad about what I said. I narrowed my eyes and stood up.

Only to wind up the floor.

"Ow…"

"Yusuke!" exclaimed Kurama as he helped me up slowly. Concern was written plainly in his gaze now and I smiled at him jokingly.

"Stood up too fast," I offered as an excuse.

Kurama eyed me reproachfully. "You're still sick," he pointed out as he sat me down on the couch. He placed a hand on my forehead and I leaned into its coolness unconsciously. "You should be in bed."

"I've had enough of staying in bed," I shot back before suddenly standing up again. This time I was able to retain my balance and I looked at Kurama triumphantly. "Let's go out!"

I must have sounded like a retard or something because Kurama just stared at me blankly.

But I didn't let that dampen my mood. I walked to the hall closet and got out my coat and hat. Autumn was here and in full bloom. I had to go out just once to witness it. I then took Kurama's coat that was hanging by the door and tossed it over to him. He was still looking at me in bewilderment. I fitted on my gloves and hat and winked at him.

"Walk with me, my dear!" I said dramatically as I offered him my hand.

Kurama shook his head, laughing lightly. "You're sick, Yusuke," he reminded me once again.

I frowned at him and forcefully put on his hat and gloves, not even noticing the way he was staring at me as I took his hands. "This is my house, right? Is it not customary to listen to the host?" I challenged back arrogantly.

Kurama gave me a half smile for a while before finally giving in. "Ten minutes," he said as he put on his jacket.

"No way, pal!" I exclaimed, dragging him out of the house as soon as he buttoned the last button.

Once the cold and refreshing air hit me, I sighed joyfully. I was still hanging onto Kurama's wrist as we walked down the neighborhood. No one was out for some reason or another, but I didn't mind. Autumn was always a great time to sit back and relax. I always liked watching the leaves fall from the trees as a kid-but I never admitted that to anyone. It made me look too sentimental, and Urameshi Yusuke was notsentimental.

Despite the fever, I was pretty active that day. Kurama and I ended up walking to the park and we just sort of hanged around there for a while, sitting on the swings and just…relaxing. We didn't talk much, but that was fine with me, too. The entire atmosphere that day seemed so soothing and peaceful that even I couldn't say or do anything to ruin it. I just sat on my swing, looking up at the sky and watching the wind tear several more leaves from the branches of the trees.

I'm assuming an hour passed before I started feeling the effects of straining my body. Chills ran through me despite it not even being that cold and I was sweating at the same time. I sighed and placed my hands in my pockets. Kurama, being Kurama, noticed this gesture.

"We should head back now. My allotted ten minutes have well passed," he commented dryly.

I chuckled. "See what an amazing persuader I am?" I said as I stood up slowly, my body aching. Being sick was an absolute bitch.

Kurama offered his arm in support. "Come on-before you worsen," he advised.

I leaned into him tiredly. "Sure thing, pal," I murmured.

We walked and walked. For me it felt like an eternity before we reached my house. I was leaning on Kurama the entire way, his arm around my waist in support. It would have been embarrassing had anyone else caught us like this. But like I said before, there was no one out. And besides, it was comforting. I would have fallen asleep in his arms had it not been for the fact that we were walking. Kurama's arms were warm. I still remembered the sleepover on Kuwabara's birthday. The memory still brought me a sense of giddiness before being followed my remorse. Hiei was a lucky youkai.

When we finally reached my house, I was simply too exhausted to take off my coat so I plopped down on the couch. Kurama was worried. I could tell by the way he watched me. And then I must have fallen asleep because when I woke up he was in the kitchen-seemingly have made a home out of myhome. I sat up and noticed I was now in my regular clothes. The couch I slept on was also a bed and Kurama had opened it up for me sometime while I was sleeping. I smiled slightly and ruffled my hair.

"Ah, you're awake. Good, you can have your medicine now," he said as he noticed I was sitting up.

I rubbed my arms and noticed I was still feeling worn out. Everything was hazy and that included the pills before my eyes. I took them silently and stared at Kurama. "You can go home you know," I said, yawning widely.

Kurama arched an eyebrow and placed a hand on my forehead. I stared at him. "Your fever has gotten worse," he said as a-matter-of-factly, dodging my words entirely.

I rubbed my eyes and yawned again. "I just need some more sleep. You don't have to stay," I said stubbornly, even though deep down inside, I wanted some companionship.

Kurama smiled. "That's what you say, but should I really trust a sick man?" he replied.

I eyed him glaringly. "I'm in no mood for your jokes, kitsune," I said.

That, if anything, just seemed to give Kurama even more incentive to stay by my side. He shrugged carelessly and stood up while I simultaneously tumbled back into the bed. I continued staring at the ceiling for a while until I noticed that all the lights had been turned off. I blinked in confusion and sat up again, looking around for Kurama, who was nowhere to be seen.

"Did he leave?" I asked to no one in particular.

"No, he's right behind you."

I nearly jumped at the tickling sensation in my ear and spun around to face Kurama, who was smiling mischievously at me. I scowled deeply. You can't take the playfulness out of the kitsune I guess. Hiei said that to me once. I should have taken him more seriously then. Kurama continued smiling at me and I finally gave in.

"Fine, you damn stubborn fox. Stay. Stay and beware the consequences," I warned.

Kurama merely looked back at me with laughing eyes as he situated himself on the empty side of the bed. He then turned on the television and switched onto the nature channel. I arched an eyebrow when I realized they were playing a documentary on the lives of foxes.

"Do you plan these things?" I asked incredulously.

"It's really all a coincidence," replied Kurama lightly.

I couldn't help but shake my head in amusement. Lying back on the bed, I pulled the covers till they practically engulfed my entire body from head to toe. Kurama was sitting up, propped up by the back, looking as poised as ever as he engrossed himself in the program. I only scowled in disgust at the intensity in his gaze as he listened to the narrator talk of the foxes' way of living. I mean, come on. Kurama was a fox. He should no better than anyone else how they lived. But I suppose because he was a youkai, it differed from a regular fox. I scoffed at this mental reasoning of mine.

"I can imagine you in this program. Behold, the great silver fox," I murmured sleepily, not even sure of what I was saying. My mind was functioning, but apparently my mouth wasn't working alongside it. I could only stop and try to grasp what it was that I said before shaking my head miserably. I really wassick.

I looked at Kurama and saw him staring at me with mirth. I groaned. Great, an amused Kurama was a dangerous one. When were these pills going to knock me out? They didn't usually take this long.

"You think of me as an exhibition, Yusuke?" he asked softly.

And the tormenting takes place. I looked up at him tiredly. "Can't you cut the sick man some slack?" I inquired.

Kurama's eyes shone brightly from the soft glow of the screen. "I've never known you to ask for pity," he commented.

"Jesus," I muttered under my breath. I looked at the screen and found myself mesmerized by it-not because it was so wonderfully captivating with its imagery-but because I was steadily growing drowsy. Kurama must have noticed this because he finally turned off the television, much to my dismay. I snapped out of my reverie and glared at him. "I was getting into it," I complained.

"No, you were getting out of it," he smartly replied.

I glowered at him. Damn fox.

Kurama smiled and then began to get out of the bed. I watched him in mild surprise. "Where are you going?" I asked.

He looked back at me. "Well, I assume I should leave you alone now that you should be getting your rest," he replied.

I grabbed his wrist suddenly to keep him from getting up. He shot me a surprised look. Hell, even I was unsure of where this was coming from-so I just followed my instincts. I pulled him back into the bed and leaned my head against his arm, closing my eyes.

"It's lonely being alone," I murmured.

I think it was the sick me talking because I was never this clingy. The last time I wanted someone to stay by me when I was sick was when I was seven-and ironically, that was the last time I ever truly got sick. When I got food poisoning, Kurama was there. But that was because I had the whole tearful confession about Keiko so that didn't even really count. I wasn't the one who asked him to stay; he did it voluntarily-and it was his house after all. This time, though, I wanted someone by me. It's just something you want when you're sick. You're too weak and tired to take care of yourself so for once, it's nice to let someone else do the taking care of things.

Kurama didn't say anything to me, but I felt him move in closer to me and give me more space to lean against him comfortably. I did so happily and laid my head on his shoulder. Granted, I suppose I was taking advantage of the fact that I was sick. If I had been in normal, healthy mode, I would never have been so open to sleeping with Kurama-even though the thought was promising. But because I was sick, I was being much more open with my emotions and just taking in what I wanted. It would probably cause me more pain later-when I had to eventually let Kurama go, but for now, I could let go of my apprehension and just sleep without worries.

"You can be quite demanding when you want to, Yusuke," I heard Kurama murmur. I was near dreamland, though, so I could have imagined it. Nonetheless, I merely buried my face deeper into his sweater. Kurama was extremelycomfortable despite his formidable appearance. It was something I always found ironic.

Just when I was about to completely succumb to sweet slumber, I felt Kurama's fingers run through my hair. He left barely even a ghost of a trace, but it still made an impression on me. I suddenly recalled the incident on our "first date" where I compared his hair to mine. Now my hair was loose and quite soft, something that could be declared a miracle from me since I seldom left my hair in its natural state. Kurama must have thought I had fallen asleep. It relaxed me even further, though, this gesture.

"You won't be alone."

It may have been my imagination once again, but those words brought me a sense of hope.

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TBC

Pardon the, ahem, fluff. It just attacked me-I couldn't hold off against it.