Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Last Song ❯ You make me feel ( Chapter 18 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

A.N: Thank you for reading and reviewing you're all the best. I invite you all to listen to the song with this chapter it makes it nice. You don't have to but its a nice touch. It's "Unlovable" by Darren Hayes. You can find it at youtube open a seperate screen while you read don't act like you don't do it hahaha. Enjoy the epilog. Fantasy.


Disclaimer: The song clearly isn't mine its by Darren Hayes. Yu yu clearly isn't mine, that show just started getting weird at the end, right?


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Five. Thinks Hiei. This is the fifth time I've had flashbacks of being with Youko and this is the fifth time I've been confused at what went wrong. I did nothing to him and still he called me a phony and kicked me out. It can't be because I never told him about my past.

"Hiei!" Calls his mother from downstairs. "Lunch is ready!"

With a sigh, the former vocalist sits up swinging his legs over the side of his bed. Saying 'no' to eating is futile in his home. He tried it the other day and his mother practically fed him by hand. This is the last day he has to dry out at home before the big performance. Why can't this all just go away? Why can't he just go away? Because of Youko. He knew that. Forgetting him would drive him insane because he has so much good to be remembered. Kurama was the same way at one time. both of them hurt him so badly. One ending his career and the other ending his happiness. He's never felt like a bigger fool.

Heading downstairs into the kitchen, Hiei touches his mother on the shoulder for a silent 'thank you' for the meal. His mother was thrilled when he walked into the door two nights ago and she's been smothering him since. Its to be expected when she lost Yukina. His sister has been living at home with her forever, his mother must be terribly lonely now.

Maybe I should just live at home. Get a job doing something around here, maybe go back to cleaning the bath houses. He pulls out a chair then sits down. Looking over the spread, Hiei wondered if his mother thought that he looked thin because she's been crowding the table with food since he's been back and there's no way she's been eating like this herself.

Taking a seat as well, Ms. Yeoh smiles weakly at her sons questioning face. "You said that you might leave this afternoon and I wanted to make sure you had a good last meal before returning to Tokyo."

Smiling with mischief, Hiei rolls his eyes. "A big meal before I go?" He teases. "With the way you've been cooking over the last two days you make it seem like you can't wait for me to go."

Slapping the boy on the hand she then giggles into it. "You're terrible! I would never shove you out." Says his mother then follows it up with. "Though if you want a doggie bag you might make the first ferry out."

"Ha ha." He takes a large slice of egg from the omlette and a few pickled peppers and some soy.

The two eat in a content silence but in that silence Hiei found himself dipping into another flash back of his odd silver haired chouffeur. A smirk came to his lips. Silent Pride he called me. And Run away. Maybe I should stop being both of those damned things and grow a back bone about it all. He closed his eyes from a memory of when they stopped at the mini-mart to get some cash for food. Though the picture darkened to black the words he sang softly to himself began to play in his mind. That's it! His eyes snap open as his fist comes down on the table startling his mother a bit.

"Hiei. What is it?"

"I have to call the guys," he gets up from his seat then steps around to the other side of the table kissing his mother on the cheek. "Thank you for the meal. I'll be on my way home right after the last note is played." Hiei then leaves the kitchen, taking his sister's cell phone up to his bedroom where his notebook and guitar are sitting; the notebook opened to the song he's been working on for months. Hiei tears the page from the notebook and locates a clean page, uncapping the pen he titles the page then with his free hand he dials Kuronue.

"Kuro its me, can you come to Kochi right now?"

"Right now, right now?" Asks the male in all seriousness. "Hell, for you. Yeah- hold on."

Hiei keeps the phone to his ear, on the other end he can hear his best friend telling Dim Reflection or Dark something or another to fuck off then the male came back on to say.

"I'm on my way." He hangs up.

Dialing Yusuke he waits out the rings.

There's an odd silence before Yusuke's shaking voice asks. "Yukina?"

Rolling his eyes, he snaps. "Its Hiei idiot!" Nice to see how people never change. Thinks the male.

Yusuke blew out a breath of relief. "Thank God, you scared the shit out of me. Where's your phone?"

"I lost it somewhere on the road." He lies a bit. He didn't lose it per-say, he kind of forgot it at the beach house in his haste to leave. "But that's not important, what are you doing right now?"

"Tch. Nothing. How 'bout you?" Asks the chipper male.

"This isn't a leisurely call, I need you to get Koenma and come to Kochi, do you understand?"

"Yeah, but why?"

"Because we have to reherse for the end of Noizu."

"Huh?"

"We're gonna give those assholes the goodbye kiss off of the century. I can't do it without you guys and we only have an afternoon to rehearse so come as fast as you can. Take one of Kuwabara's jets or something."

"Will do." Hiei could sense Yusuke's thumbs up right after the male laughed. "I don't know what you're up to but I like it already."

"Trust me, they'll be glad I'm gone after this." Laughing himself, he than says goodbye then hangs up. One last person to call and he wasn't really sure he wanted to. But he dialed the number and was soon greeted with Kurama's accented Japanese.

"I need you to come to Kochi, and bring your violin." He said very forward.

"Alright." Hiei couldn't help but hear the light in Kurama's voice having Hiei speak to him. "I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Thank you." He hangs up. And so it begins and ends. Leaning over the pad of paper he writes as quickly as his fingers allow. He hoped he could be done before the copy place closes for the day. Time is not on his side right now but he knows he can do it. He has to. For himself and Youko.

The room is very rowdy, the people seem more interested in talking and joking with one another rather than listening to the cast off has-been about to perform for them. As Hiei set up his stool and lowered the mic stand, he looked about the filled room and wondered just what it was that Sawada has told them to make them all come and listen. He thought for sure there would only be a few people out there and that was only because they planned to throw things. Its a very intimate setting this crowded little bar with a stage set up in the center against the wall. He didn't think he'd see this kind of thing again until he was asked to play some brats birthday party but like everything else in life those fantasies ended.

Hiei and Noizu rehersed the new song until they nearly fell from fatigue and heat exhaustion in his garage but they're finally ready to go on. The rest of Noizu has been hidden behind a curtain kind of to surprise the crowd that yes, they're all still very close and nothing would change between them. The nail in the heart they considered it. Checking microphone, Hiei clears his throat into it before taking a seat on the stool.

"I'm here to perform for all of you as you probably know but I want to do this not as the man you've rejected, Hiei Jaganshi, but as myself Hiei Yeoh because its time that I stopped lying to myself. At first I didn't know what to write, I wanted to thank you all for the time we had together but in my time away I was shown the light of that mistake and in turn have decided to dedicate another song to all of you. With that said I'm going to perform my last song."

Whispers fill the air as Hiei grabs the microphone, then in acapella he sings.

"Are my lips unkissable, are my eyes unlookable, is my skin untouchable... am I unlovable."

Hiei keeps his eyes closed as he sings. He can hear them talking about him, the nasty things they're whispering but he doesn't pay it any mind. They can talk about their insecurities all they want because he doesn't feel he's bad and he never will.

A little faster he sings. "Sinicle, jaded, faithless, disappointed, dissolutioned, used. If I could take back all my sweat, my tears, my sex, my joy I would. My time, my love, my effort, passion, dedication.." He opens his eyes with a hard glare at the crowd. "In a case of mistaken identity I gave these things to you."

Though looking a bit appauled, their chatter has silenced as they listen to Hiei spill his guts to them.

"I sound angry, bitter, sad, unfatuated- its the truth. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression- just a few stages of acceptance that its really over; its just to complicated, I'm stupid for believing in you." With that pointed word out he begins to play. His face is controlled, his voice even, no anger though his words are angry. He's gonna show these people that he hasn't broken and even if he did he isn't hiding because of it.

Slowly now he plays the chorus, singing in the same way he's playing. "You make me feel like my father never loved me... You make me feels like that act of love is empty, am I so unlovable? Is my skin untouchable- do I remind you of a part of you that you don't like?"

With more tempo he plays and sings. "I had your back, I held you up, I told you 'you were good enough'. It was never precipitated you kept affection then you sell the part." Casting his gaze to the back of the room where the two young girls that Kurama spoke to are seated, he sings especially for them. "You fed your love to me like I'm two pigeons in the park, sometimes I think you're satisfied to see me begging like a dog!" That comment was meant for Shin whom is watching this from somewhere in the room, Hiei can only assume, like he had when he'd first discovered them. "I wasn't knowing you but 'gain I gave my everything." To Youko, who isn't here. "For just a moment I romantisize a notion, I can take away the torment I can love you like they never did."

Snapping his fingers as the signal Trini, who agreed to help him, pulls the curtain aside for him to reveal Hiei's band Noizu. All of them joining Hiei's chorus with their music combined with his own. Kuronue with a head-set helps him with vocals as well as base guitar.

"You make me feel like like my father never loved me."

"Never loved me." Joins Kuronue at the end of each line.

"You make me feel like the act of love is empty."

"It felt so empty."

"Am I so unlovable, is my skin untouchable do I, remind you of a part of you that you don't like?" Red eyes closed, he sings rather sincerely of how it felt to have all of Japan hate him so quickly. "You make me feel like my mother she abandoned me."

"You abandoned me!" Kuronue asserts to the crowd for Hiei.

"You make me feel like the act of love is empty." Eyes open he sings a heaviness in his voice remembering Yukina for a moment. "Am I so unlovable? Is my heart unbreakable? Do I, remind you of a part of you that despise?"

Joined with Kuronue they sing together. "Are my lips unkissable? ...Are my eyes unlookable? Is my sex undoable? Am I unlovable? Are my words unlistenable? Are my hands untouchable? Am I undesireable?"

Alone Hiei sings with sincerity to his abandoning fans. "Am I unlovable?" Holding his finger out to the others while only Kurama plays he sings quietly. "You make me feel like my father never loved me, you make me feel like the act of love is empty..."

The others play again.

"Am I so unlovable? Is my skin untouchable? Do I, remind you of a part of you that you don't like." Kuronue joins him again in the chorus. "You make me feel like my mother she abandoned me."

"You abandoned me."

"You make me feel like the act of love is empty." Getting up from the stool he taps his foot as he plays, eyes cast downward. "Am I so unlovable? Is my heart unbreakable? Do I, remind you of the part of you that despise?"

The band plays for a bar then another, and softly Hiei says. "Am I so unlovable?" Hands from his guitar, he just walks from the stage ignoring the gasp from Kuronue who was only heard because of his microphone.

They wondered where Hiei was going? Why he was just leaving? All of them stop playing at once leaving the stage as well to follow after him but are unable due to the mob of people crowding them with who knows what they were saying. There are too many voices, too much confusion to really hear one thing from the next. But off to the side Sawada sets a cigar down on an ash tray, eyes slitted with malice and a bit of stunned pride as he says to no one. "The little prick still has it."

In the restroom. Hiei is drying his face after giving it a good washing. He needed this, he really did. Infact he hadn't realized just how much until he started to cry. But his tears have passed and now he just feels empty. His work, his passion, his everything... gone. He doesn't have Youko anymore. What's left? His jeans begin to vibrate from the ringing phone. Assuming its one of his friends he thinks about turning it off, but then he figured it could be his mother so he pulls it out.

Big brother? He cocks a brow. Than, eyes wide he quickly answers the phone knowing that only his number would show up 'big brother' on his sisters phone. Its Youko. He's changed his mind about him and he wants him back. This is great! "Hello?! Youko, is that you?" He asked hurriedly.

A strange voice comes over the phone and asks. "Yukina Yeoh?"

Furrowed brows, Hiei shakes his head. "No, this is Hiei. Her brother, who is this?"

"Doctor Heihachi at the Tokyo clinic. There's been an accident and we need for you to identify the body. We found no I.D. on the person but your number was in his cell phone. Can you please come to the local hospital, Mr. Yeoh?"

Hiei shot out of the bathroom like someone had started a fire and threatended to trap him in there. The blood is pounding in his ears as he makes for the first exit he can locate. Youko was on his way here, and he's been in an accident. Its all his fault and if Youko dies, he'd never be able to live with himself. Breaths hard, he looks around the dark area for the nearest bus station, it wasn't until he took off to the left that he heard a familiar car horn at his right. Stopped dead, Hiei turns around and sees a light come on in an ugly dark car but through the light he sees Youko sitting behind the wheel waving at him. Then he points to the phone buzzing in Hiei's hand.

Answering, he says slowly. "Hello?" Hiei starts walking towards the car.

"For God sakes Hiei, I didn't even use the name of a hospital and you're ready to consider me dead? You've got a lot of work to do if you're gonna be a traveller with me." Says Youko's cool voice over the phone. "Rule three, never be scammed by another drifters shit." He laughs.

Unable to hold back his smile, the former vocalist says. "I'll remember that." He hangs up the phone when he's just a reach away from the car.

"I'm sorry about all the shit I made you feel. And if you wanna stay with-..." The pasanger door was opened before he could finish his sentence. "I'll take that as a ye-..."

His words were cut off a second time from Hiei tossing his arms around the male, kissing him deeply until they needed air.

"I missed you too." Youko panted. "All the while I sat at the beach house thinking about what an ass I was to you. I'm sorry."

"Its fine just... don't do it again." He socks the silver haired male on the shoulder.

"I won't." He starts the car.

"I'm sorry too by the way." Says Hiei. "I shouldn't have lied to you."

"It was none of my business, I should have come to that conclusion sooner. Then I wouldn't have been stuck wondering what you were saying to me in Chinese on the beach."

"Hm?" Hiei asks. Then it comes back to him, but slyly he smiles and says. "I said 'this poor bastard doesn't have a clue what he's doing.'" He laughs at the face Youko makes.

"You know, there's still the option of killing you, I'll just deal with the sadness afterwards."

"Ha ha." Hiei settles in watching the bar fading into the distance. Watching his old life end and his new life begin.

THE END.