Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Love Me, Hate Me, Just Don’t Let Me Fall ❯ Koenma Tells All ( Chapter 19 )

Last Chapter...

Genkai shook her head sadly. "Those dimwit friends of yours will kill us all! Do you have any idea what is going on between Hiei, Botan, and Koenma?"

"No, and I don't think I want to know. It's not my business, anyway."

Smiling, the old woman said, "You're smarter than all of them! It's best to leave your brother's affairs alone. Well, I suppose we had better go find Kurama and get an antidote for those three unconscious fools." Genkai glanced at the sky, which was nearly dark now, and added, "It's already nighttime, though, so why don't we look for them in the morning? I'm sure those dimwits will be fine! You can stay here until morning."

"Well, if you're sure they'll be alright, I guess I can stay." Yukina followed Genkai into the temple, and prepared to stay the night.

Love Me, Hate Me, Just Don't Let Me Fall

Chapter 19: Koenma Tells All

As everyone prepared for bed, Shizuru and Kurama were still in Reikai. Shizuru was slightly angry that Kurama led them there without a thought of where to go next.

"What do you mean we're lost? Aren't you supposed to be the wise old fox?"

"We'll just have to wait for a guard to come by."

"You mean we have to force information out of a Reikai worker?!"

"Precisely," Kurama smiled at her. "I'm glad you catch on so easily."

"Ugh, we snuck in here through a side door, in search of information from the library, and now we have to ask for directions? If all of your breaking and entering robberies went this bad as Youko, how did you manage to survive?"

"I usually plan these things out, but we had to leave today so I had no time to dig up any maps I may have had."

"You had maps of the gods' palace?"

"Perhaps, but we don't have them now, so no use fretting. In the meantime, we should keep ourselves occupied. There may not be a guard for another hour or so."

"Alright, then." Shizuru glanced at Kurama. "Let's talk about this group date thing. You don't have a date, and I don't want to date Koenma. Here's an idea: you date Koenma! Solves two problems in one!"

"Sorry, but I don't date male baby gods. I don't want to date at all!"

"Neither do I!"

"Then how did we get ourselves into this mess?"

"Touya."

"And Botan."

"And Hiei!"

"And Koenma!"

"They forced us into this, trying to fix their love lives!"

"Then let's go on the date like planned, and strike back when they least expect it!"

"Fine then, fox. One problem: you still need a date!"

"Well I can't just take an everyday fangirl! She'll get torn apart by the other fangirls!"

"You can't take me, obviously."

"Or Botan or Yukina."

"Genkai?"

"No!"

"Keiko?"

Kurama seemed to be considering the possibility. "That might work..."

"You're going to take Keiko? Yusuke will get mad."

"So? We'll just be going as friends. He should understand that."

"Yusuke? You're kidding me, right? The guy who thought Touya and Botan were on a date together?"

"Keiko will make him understand. She always manages to get through to him somehow."

Their conversation continued for nearly an hour, until they were nearly frantic with impatience and boredom. Kurama looked out of the small hallway they were standing in, checking for any guards. When he found none he looked at Shizuru and said, "Maybe we should come up with a different plan. The guards aren't going to come here."

"Agreed. What's the plan, then?"

"Wander around until we find something?"

"We're going to get even more lost..."

"Oh just come on!"

Kurama led Shizuru out of the hallway, turned left, and began walking. They walked past several closed doors and a few portraits of gods upon the wall, but they didn't come across anybody to ask for directions. After a few minutes, Kurama halted abruptly, causing Shizuru to nearly crash into him.

Shizuru looked at him, wondering what was wrong. Kurama was staring at something on the wall a few feet in front of them, and she followed his gaze to... a visitor's map. It had every room, hall, and secret passageway of Reikai palace on it, and even a little 'you are here' sign.

After a few moments of gaping openly in wonderment, Shizuru said, "Well that certainly would have helped an hour ago."

"Oh the irony... Waiting for a guard to come, only to find a MAP a few minutes later!" Kurama sweat dropped at their foolishness. "The gods are idiotic. Any lowlife thief could waltz in here and have a look at that map and be able to go anywhere they please without even being detected. It was nothing like this when I came here with Hiei and Goki."

Using the map, they discovered they were only a few halls away from the library. Walking quickly, they arrived within a few minutes and, after taking a few moments to gaze in awe at the massive collection of books, began searching for information about Joyful Pills.

Shizuru began looking through the shelves nearest to the door they had entered. Only minutes passed before she felt someone's ki approach just outside the door, signaling his or her arrival. Alarmed, she stopped her search and went to tell Kurama, who was looking at books a few shelves away.

"Someone's coming!" she announced.

"Who is it?"

"I don't know! Go look!"

Kurama paused in his search and peered around the bookshelf to the library door. Shizuru tried to see around him, but couldn't without stepping in front of him, so she asked, "Who is it?"

"Koenma!"

After leaving the hotel room, Botan fled past various streets and buildings and people without a thought about them in a storm of tears that blurred her eyesight. In her chibi state, her emotions were fragile and subject to great change in only a few seconds. Going from extreme happiness to sadness as quickly as she had, it was no wonder her heart was confused and frantic for reassurance of something, no doubt destroying dozens of flowers with the well known 'he loves me, he loves me not' routine.

Botan's mind was too busy trying to calm her broken heart, so her body was left all alone to be steered by autopilot. This autopilot embedded in all beings has an excellent memory and a talent to surprise, so relying on it will take you to unexpectedly familiar places. Sure enough that was what happened to the ferry girl. After running for quite a while, then finally walking when she became tired, autopilot had steered her feet to a park.

Coincidentally, this park was the very same park that this entire story began in.

The stressed chibi didn't notice this at all and she stopped in front of a random tree, her body still on autopilot. And, strangely enough, it was the very same tree that she attacked with her oar (and the same tree that broke her oar) the first time she came to the park. So, while her mind was still conferring with her heart, autopilot remembered the tree and told her body to begin the attack.

Botan's metal baseball bat appeared and she began channeling her anger and bitterness through it by hitting the poor tree. The tree must have done something very bad in its past life to deserve yet another attack from the ferry girl. Who knows? Perhaps it used to be an evil demon that was reincarnated as a tree just to serve the role as a solitary punching bag for one very frustrated (currently chibi) ferry girl. Let this be a lesson to all of the evil demons out there (Hiei, are you listening?).

However, regardless of its past life, the tree was still being hit by a metal baseball bat (and metal vs. wood isn't much of a comparison). Fortunately, autopilot must have sensed the tree's despair, because it suddenly urged Botan's mindless body to hit the metal baseball bat a little bit too hard...

Miraculously, the metal baseball bat broke in half, leaving her with a broken bat and a broken oar. Sheesh, that must be one tough tree.

Botan's mind and heart were still busy with her unsteady emotions, but her body seemed to develop a mind of its own (called autopilot!). She flung the broken weapon to the ground angrily and screamed out loud- a heart-stopping, glass shattering scream of pure fury!

Does anyone else sense déjà vu?

Autopilot does, because autopilot is an expert at creating a sense of déjà vu. It must come with the good memory.

Hiei does too because he arrived just in time to witness Botan's display of anger. (He has a good memory too.)

"Baka onna! What the heck are you doing?!" Hiei asked.

Botan's mind, heart, and body paused for a second, startled to hear his voice. Autopilot, sensing that it wasn't needed any more, withdrew from its position of ruling Botan's body and went back to wherever autopilot resides in our bodies.

"I was hitting a tree, but now I'm just crying. Got a problem with it?" Botan finally said and she glared at Hiei, though it presented an odd image with tears running down her face.

"Baka, what's your problem?! You ran off in the middle of our conversation, and at night too! Couldn't you have at least waited until dawn?"

Botan sniffled, but didn't bother to reply. Hiei was the one who hurt her feelings, and he would have to apologize before she said anything else.

"Don't give me the silent treatment, onna. I had to use my Jagan just to track you, and you're lucky I went after you at all! I could have just left you for the hentai kidnappers that are out here this time of day!" Hiei exclaimed. He was much more expressive in his chibi state. "At least smile or something. You look creepy like that, and it's giving me the oddest sense of déjà vu. Didn't you do this right after Koenma proposed and I found you at a park? This park, in fact."

There was a moment of silence in which Botan sniffled and Hiei glared. Nobody seemed willing to be the first to say something.

Then there was another moment of silence in which Botan sniffled and dried her tears, and Hiei glared and frowned.

"..." said Botan with a sniffle.

"...!" said Hiei with a glare.

A random cricket chirped. The wind blew a nice little tune of rustling sounds through the grass. Hearts were set to pause, minds were frozen, and autopilot did absolutely nothing. Time seemed to stand still for the silent, stubborn pair until...

FWOMP!

A Frisbee hit Hiei in the head! The stunned chibi fell to the ground, and Botan stared in shock.

"GAH! I am so, so, so sorry!" A teenaged girl ran towards them with a guilty look on her face. She was short, with spiky black hair and oddly red hued eyes. A teenaged boy came running soon after her. He was taller than her, with blue hair and exotic pink eyes.

Hmmm, this sounds familiar... Could it be? Is autopilot at work again?

"Geez, koibito, you're so clumsy! You need to watch where you aim that!" the Botan-ish boy said.

"I know, I know, I'm sooooo sorry! Are you alright, little boy?" The Hiei-ish girl helped Hiei stand up and grabbed the Frisbee.

"I'm truly sorry, chibis. My girlfriend is such a klutz sometimes!" The teen sighed and put an arm around the girl, who was hugging the Frisbee lest it fly away and hit Hiei again. "She's lucky I'm around to help her, or else she might just destroy the whole city!"

"I'm not that bad! Sure, I may trip sometimes and my aim's not the best, but at least I have a pleasant personality! You have such a short temper!" the girl replied as the couple began walking away.

"A body as nice as mine has no need for a nice personality! You, on the other hand..." The couple continued their playful banter as they walked out of sight.

Botan stared after them with starry eyes. Once Hiei was done rubbing his head and trying to regain his awareness, he noticed Botan's odd look. Their silent contest done with, he asked, "What's wrong with you, onna?"

"I've been inspired!" Botan smiled happily and giggled. "We're gonna end up just like them someday! I know we are!"

"You mean, we're going to switch genders?!" Hiei asked, horrified at the very thought.

"No-"

"You're going to become even klutzier than normal?!"

"That's not-"

"Or do you mean that I'm going to become nice and start calling you," Hiei paused to shudder in disgust, "koibito?!"

"Yes, that's exactly what I meant! You'll be nice, I'll be nice, our arguments will be playful and loving, and we'll all live happily ever after!" Botan sighed dreamily, suddenly becoming happy again even though she had been in tears only minutes before. "And maybe we'll even have children, and then we'll get to see them grow up and raise grandchildren, then great-grandchildren... Oh I can hardly wait! Let's you and I mate right away!"

"...!" Hiei stared at her in shock.

Botan suddenly realized how that sounded and blushed. "Err... um I meant... I'm just excited that I might have children someday soon, that's all..."

After a rather long silence, Hiei finally muttered, "I'd rather not have children at all. They're too troublesome and noisy."

"You don't want children?! Why not?! They're cute and adorable and fun! Children are our future! Without them, the next generation would be no more because they ARE the next generation! Children make the world go round! They provide kidnappers with kids to kidnap! You wouldn't be alive if you hadn't once been a child yourself! Not a very happy or normal child, but still a child nonetheless. Was the robbing of your happy childhood so painful that you can't bear to even have children for fear that they will have the same unhappy life you did?" Botan rambled.

"...huh?" Hiei became lost after the mentioning of kidnappers kidnapping kids.

"You have to have children! That's the whole point of life! You're brought into the world, you're raised, you bring children into the world, you raise your children, and then you die! That's the whole story of life!"

"I thought the whole point of life was to be born, to learn to fight, to fight your enemies, and then die when you forget you learned how to fight your enemies."

"...You had a very disturbing childhood, didn't you?"

".........I'd rather not answer that..."

"..."

"..."

And so begins the next round of silence. Oh, where's a Frisbee when you need one? Or at least autopilot!

"Koenma? What's he doing here?" Shizuru wondered out loud. It was past time to go to bed, so shouldn't toddler gods be asleep by now?

"I don't know. There's only one way to find out," Kurama answered truthfully. The fox continued watching Koenma from behind a bookshelf as Shizuru waited anxiously for him to inform her.

Koenma had already been in bed, but had trouble sleeping. He decided to take a walk down to the library, a great place for a bit of peace and privacy. After entering, the godling went to a table and sat down, laying his head on his arms. His chibi body was tired, so why couldn't he just sleep?!

"I'm going to go get him, and bring him back here. You stay here," Kurama whispered. Shizuru nodded, and Kurama continued to watch the godling silently for a few more moments. Then, once he was sure Koenma was unaware of his presence, he darted from his cover behind the bookcase and walked directly behind Koenma. In one swift movement, the fox caught the toddler in a headlock and forced him out of his seat and back towards Shizuru.

"ACK! Lemme go!" Koenma, thoroughly surprised, screamed and shouted until Shizuru put a hand over his mouth to quiet him.

"Be quiet! We have to talk to you!"

Koenma was held in midair by his neck because of his height (or rather, lack of it), and he couldn't see them very easily. He glanced up at Shizuru, who towered over him, and said, "Shizuru! What in Reikai are you doing here?!"

"I'm here to help Hiei and Botan! Now tell us about those Joyful Pills!"

"How do you know about those? Who's holding me, Hiei? Botan?! Are you here too?!" Koenma shouted, wondering if Botan might step out from behind a bookshelf.

"Of course I'm not Hiei, baka. You turned Hiei into a chibi!" Kurama replied.

"Kurama?!"

"Yes, it's me. We know everything about what happened between you, Hiei, and Botan."

"Everything?" Koenma asked fearfully. He didn't want anyone to know about this! It was so embarrassing for a god to be turned down by a ferry girl!

"Yes, everything since your engagement to Botan."

"Who else knows? How did you even find out?!"

"Hiei and Botan told me, and Hiei and I told Shizuru," replied Kurama. "Touya and Jin know too. I think that's pretty much it, though I doubt they'll be the last ones told."

"Now, Koenma, tell us about Joyful Pills."

Koenma, in no position to argue, sighed. "Well, you see... There is no such thing as Joyful Pills. I made that up so Hiei and Botan wouldn't be able to find information about the cure, since the it should be easily obtained if they truly love each other..."

"You mean we've spent hours searching for something nonexistent?!"

"So what is the cure? And what did you give them?"

"The pills I gave them were simply chibifying pills with a love spell put on them. The cure is a kiss from the one who loves them."

"So, in other words, if we get Hiei and Botan to kiss each other, they'll go back to normal?"

"Only if they truly love each other will it work. Did it not work yet? Aren't they normal again?"

"No, they're still chibi."

"Why'd you do this, Koenma? Why'd you turn Reikai's best ferry girl and the woman you love into a chibi?"

"So they can prove their love, of course."

"But what if they don't get cured, and they went on that mission you told them about? Wouldn't that be a bit dangerous?"

"I lied about that too... Happy Island didn't get taken over by demons. There really is no mission, and the whole test was if they could cure themselves. But I was hoping to make them happy by letting them stay a week at a god's vacationing spot."

"So if they simply kiss, you'll leave them alone, right?"

"No, first they have to find me a girl willing to marry me."

"We've found someone for you," Kurama said, purposefully not telling it was Shizuru. "We're planning on going on a group date, with you, your date, me, whoever will be my date, Hiei, Botan, Touya, Yukina, and whoever else wants to come along. Maybe you'll be able to get to know this girl better, and, eventually, fall in love."

"Touya and Yukina?!"

"It's not official yet, but Touya plans on asking Yukina out."

"Koenma, I have a question," stated Kurama. "If you love Botan so much, why are you giving her and Hiei a free vacation for an entire week together?"

"I may not love Botan the way I hope I do- it may have just been a crush. You see..." Koenma trailed off.

"Yes...?"

"I was also tricked into eating one of those so-called Joyful Pills a few centuries ago. That's why my original form is my chibi form, even though I should have outgrown it by now. My teenager form is supposed to be my normal self, but it takes too much energy for me to transform all the time. And, as you know, the kiss from your loved one should cure you. Nobody loves me, so there is no cure for me. This is why I want a bride so badly."

Kurama and Shizuru exchanged a look, surprised at his answer. Now that they understood why Koenma wanted someone to love him so badly, perhaps Shizuru would be more willing to go on the date.

"Do you know who gave you the chibifying pill?"

"My father."

"Your father did this to you?!"

"Yes, he wanted me to marry somebody, so this was his plan to make me fall in love. It didn't work very well, as you can see, but there is no other cure to be found. Believe me, I've looked for a very long time."

"This sounds so much like an odd ningen fairy tale. When is the handsome prince and the evil witch going to come in?"

Shizuru rolled her eyes. "Don't be a freak, Kurama."

"You have to admit that this is very similar to a fairy tale, or maybe a soap opera. This whole adventure would make such a wonderful movie!"

"I think I understand why Hiei always calls you a baka kitsune..."

"Shut up! You don't know anything, ningen!"

"Baka kitsune!"

"Sister of Kuwabara!"

"How dare you bring my family ties into this!"

"Um... hello?" Koenma said. "Can I get down now?"

"Oh, yes, of course." Kurama set Koenma down on his feet, and the he and Shizuru smiled sheepishly at the god.

"Well, um, thanks for the information, Koenma."

"And, uh, sorry about the whole headlock thing. It was just a precaution, in case you tried to get us arrested..."

"Oh, it's alright. I understand that you just wanted to help Hiei and Botan. Anyway, it's very late, and we should be going to bed. Would you like to spend the night in a guestroom here?"

"Sure," Shizuru answered, not wanting to turn down the offer to stay at the palace of a god.

They exited the library together, and Shizuru and Kurama were led to their rooms by ogres. Koenma returned to his own bedroom and fell asleep easily. He could finally rest after knowing there was still hope for him, and that there may be a girl out there who could love him.

"..." said Botan.

"..." said Hiei.

Their silence was overwhelmingly awkward and tense. Finally, Botan got fed up with it and said, "Okay, enough is enough! This silence is absolutely annoying!"

"Then talk, baka."

"Look, Hiei, I'm sorry that I dragged you into all of this mess. I never imagined we'd get turned chibi because of this!"

"You ought to be sorry..."

"Excuse me? Isn't there something you should be saying too?"

"Fine... I guess I'm..." Hiei mumbled.

"Sorry...?" Botan provided.

"Yeah, that, for doing whatever I did that made you run off earlier."

"Awww, you're so sweet!" Botan grinned at Hiei.

"Oh shut up! It's just because I'm chibi!"

"Well, your apology is accepted."

"..."

"..."

"...?"

"You know, this isn't totally my fault... Koenma started everything the day he proposed to me! He made you go through with all of those tests and turned us both chibi!"

"So? What are you saying, that you want to get revenge?"

"Maybe..." Botan thought about that for a minute. "We could do something when we're on that group date!"

"Perhaps. But what do you have in mind?"

"I don't know. Embarrass him in front of Shizuru?"

"He's a toddler with a binky dating a fully-grown female ningen. I think that will suffice."

"True... Well, let's just figure that out as we go!"

"Hn. Whatever, onna."

"...So, Hiei, are we going to go back to the hotel?"

"What for? It's late and there probably aren't any spare beds to sleep on."

"Then what are we supposed to do?"

"We could sleep in a tree."

"Like monkeys? No thank you!"

"Hey, I sleep in a tree, and they're very comfortable!" Hiei said with a pout that made Botan giggle.

"I suppose I could...if you'd hold me the entire time!"

"If you don't cuddle with me like I'm your doll!"

"Alright then! But you have to carry me up the tree because I can't climb very well."

Hiei grabbed Botan and jumped to the nearest tree, reaching a sturdy branch high enough to be hidden from the view of ningens. He sat down with his back against the trunk of the tree and allowed Botan to sit next to him. He put his arm around her so she wouldn't fall, as agreed, and she put her head on his shoulder. Botan soon fell asleep, completely comforted by Hiei's presence. The demon, however, didn't sleep at all, since he didn't need nearly as much rest as humans do.

Hiei's sleepless night was spent holding the ferry girl and thinking about how she was affecting his life. The fire demon felt nothing similar to hate or annoyance towards her any more, but rather the opposite. He nearly liked the girl! But only nearly, though, which means love was a long way off.

Earlier, he had felt basically nothing for Botan- neither hate or love, dislike or like. But now, with a chibi mind magnifying his heart's every little thought and wish into passionate feelings that simply overwhelmed his soul... well, now he was even more confused. His heart knew what it felt, and so did the logical part of his brain, but Hiei himself refused to admit it.

Hiei, the unfeeling fire demon, actually liked someone. And not just any person! No, the ferry girl was no Kurama, nor was she like Yukina. She was an anti-Hiei. The loud, giggly, and brightly dressed female to counteract the quiet, scornful, and shadow-like male. They were as opposite as positive and negative magnets.

Yet opposite magnets attract, don't they?

This thought did not bode well with Hiei. Opposites shouldn't attract! Hiei shouldn't even like Botan! And Botan should be scared of Hiei, not in love with him! The fates must be having such fun watching the two lesser beings interact with one another. Oh, the fates do indeed have a sick, twisted sense of humor.

Hiei sighed. Next time he was visiting Reikai, the fates would be receiving an angry visitor with a sharp sword.