Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ My Desire ❯ My Desire ( Chapter 1 )

YoukoKitsune: *ehem...* Due to popular demand, here is the sequel to "Deserving of Your Love"

Kurama: Is there a lemon scene?

YoukoKitsune: I don't think so...

Kurama: *indignant* why not?!?!

YoukoKitsune: because! I don't write lemons!

Kurama: COME ON!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!

YoukoKitsune: I'll give u a lemon if you say the disclaimer

Kurama: ^_^ Aznstarangel does not own Yu Yu Hakusho. Yoshihiro Togashi-sama does... NOW GIVE ME A LEMON!!!

YoukoKitsune: *throws a lemon (yellow fruit) at him and it hits him on the head* There you go. There's your lemon. ^_^

Kurama: hmph. Should've known she was gonna do that.

YoukoKitsune: Enjoy the fic!! ^_^

P.S. : My italics wouldn't come out, so the italics are in ~blah~ and thoughts are in `blah.' Everything else is just there. ^_^

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My Desire

By YoukoKitsune

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A cold breeze swept through my room, causing me to shudder slightly. It had been four days. Four days, since I made a fool out of myself and I actually thought that the cold fire demon would...

...return my feelings of love...

I felt something small and wet slide down my face. A tear.... which was then followed by many more. I couldn't stop myself. I had lost the only one I wanted to be with, the only who, I thought, had earned my love and care. And I thought I earned his...

My heart felt as if it was ripped out that day he left. It was as if it wanted to stop beating, wanted to fail, wanted to make me die.

Even I wanted to die...

~*Flashback*~

I held the sharp dagger in my hand, pointing it to my heart. I trembled the slightest bit, but knowing that my pain would disappear... if I disappeared.

I was so close, if it hadn't been for `kassan to knock at my door.

"Shuuichi? Are you okay? You haven't come out of your room for almost a day now. Please! You need to eat something."

My hand trembled as I dropped the blade from my hand. I couldn't die. Not yet, I had promised myself that I wouldn't die until I knew that `kassan would be safe. And the only way she would be safe, was for me to be around to protect her until it was her time.

I couldn't die.

At least... not yet...

~*End Flashback*~

Tears flooded my eyes as I thought of the day I wanted to kill myself. It was right after the party, right after my admission of love... right after my heart broke in two.

It was then that I felt the smallest flicker of dark youki.

`Hiei?'

I followed the small trace. It was very slight and I almost lost it once, but I guess my youko instincts kicked in and finally led me to a secluded part of a deep forest. There was a small clearing, isolated from human eyes and wandering youkai.

It was there I saw him, standing in the middle of the flat piece of land, conjuring up a portal. He was going to leave. He was going to the Makai, and perhaps never come back. I couldn't live without at least knowing that we were still friends. That I was still considered one of his allies, and not his enemy.

I ran towards him desperately, hoping I would be able to stop him before he vanished through the portal, and even out of my life.

"HIEI!!! WAIT!!!!!!"

His dark, clad figure turned around slowly, and seeing that it was I who called out to him, he quickly snapped his head back and started to flicker through the portal.

In a desperate attempt to keep him here long enough to talk to him, I lunged on top of him as he turned and we both fell through the open portal. Perhaps I wanted him to give me another chance, or that I wanted to convince him again that I loved him, but whatever the reason, I held on to him tightly as if I would never let go.

I opened my eyes to see that we were in a small forest. It was beautiful, as if I had grown it myself.

"Hn! Kitsune get off of me!"

A voice spoke from underneath me. It was then that I saw that I had landed on top of a rather angry fire demon. Then again, I've always dreamed I'd be in this situation, although maybe on different circumstances. I couldn't give up this chance, to feel his supple lips upon my own again, to taste his mouth, and to inhale his aroma of pine and musk. Perhaps it would be my last...

Giving into my instincts, my desires, I leaned down and placed my lips upon his, in a light kiss, hoping that he wouldn't take it harshly. My tongue flicked over his upper lip, asking for entrance. Surprisingly, the request was granted and the Jaganshi opened his mouth and allowed my tongue to probe its hot inside.

I would have kissed him longer if it were not for the fact that humans need oxygen to live. So I pulled away, gasping for air, my chest heaving.

Hiei kept his look of indifference on as he stared at me, as if daring me to kiss him again.

I slowly got off him and my head drooped down, knowing that now he would probably leave and that I'd have to go back to the Ningenkai before nightfall. I sat down on the soft grass, waiting for the inevitable cool breeze to drift by, telling me of the fire demon's departure.

It never came.

"Kurama..."

His voice surprised me and looked up to see him standing only a few inches away from me.

"Why did you come after me?"

`Wasn't it obvious?'

"Hiei, I needed to know, that we were still friends, that we could still see each other, even though not as lovers."

I felt all my inner feelings burst as I let out the emotions that were bottled up inside of me.

"I couldn't bear it if I couldn't see you again. It was so hard. That day... when I...." I paused, looking for the right words to say. "That day that I will regret for the rest of my life. It was difficult, telling you about...." I couldn't bring myself to say it. The memory of him leaving, running away from me was implanted in my mind and I couldn't... wouldn't survive if it happened again. "I even tried... to take my life..." I felt my voice grow quieter, as if instinctively it was ashamed of even think of that idea.

Hiei's eyes widened at my past consideration of suicide. I looked down, unable to face his unsuspecting expression. I suppose I shouldn't have made it sound like it was his fault that I almost drove myself to death. Then again, whom should I blame? My mind knew the answer to that. Myself. It was my fault that this happened, that I now am in front of my greatest desire, and unable to obtain it.

Small tears started to trail down my cheeks, lingering on the curve of my chin, before falling one by one down to the ground. `It was my fault... I caused this upon myself... It was my...'

"Kurama..."

`...fault...'

I looked up, seeing that he was still there, more tears falling gently from my eyes. I started as I saw his hand move toward my face as he wiped away the tears that fell down my face.

"It is more honorable to shed blood, than it is to shed tears."

"Hiei?"

What the koorime did next was what really surprised me. He unsheathed his katana, and cut a small slit down the side of his arm. It was a signal, of what I was not sure, but there had to be some significance to the crimson blood flowing down the koorime's arm.

~It is more honorable to shed blood than the shed tears.~

There it hit me. Hiei, in his own way, was crying.

"Hiei, I..."

"Kurama... don't say anything."

I closed my mouth and looked up at him (A/N: remember! He's sitting down!) , and saw that he was even closer than before.

A small thought ran through my mind. `Could he...? Has he reconsidered? Have I been able to break down his impervious wall that surrounded his heart?'

I scolded my mind internally for thinking such thoughts. I could not risk hoping for what had only a minute chance that it would come true. I dare not hope that he returned my feelings, for if I brought up that hope in my heart, it would have hurt even more if he declined.

"Kurama..."

He repeated my name again, as if that was the only word he would say, the only word he could say in this awkward moment of silence.

"Look at me."

Slowly, I titled my head up to face him, my green eyes meeting his burning red ones. Right then, my heart seemed to stop. Hiei was standing, only inches away from me, his eyes boring into mine. The wind blew from behind me causing Hiei's cloak to press against his skin, showing off his muscular build.

`And I had lost him because of my ignorance and stupidity'

If I had not told him, we would still be close friends, I would not be in this situation, and all would be well. Maybe then, I would not be suffering so much...

~Suffering... is caused by desire.~

Desire... the unmistakable feeling I had for the fire demon standing in front of me, causing my once stopped heart to beat faster and faster, until it was almost to the point of wearing itself out. I looked down. There was no point in wearing out my heart by staring at something I knew I would never have. I knew I was disregarding Hiei's wishes, but at this moment, I couldn't bear to look at him... not like this.

Because of this, I started when I felt a calloused, yet soft hand, tilt my face upward and I was met with a searing kiss. My eyes widened as I felt Hiei's tongue licking my upper lip, teasing and asking for entrance. Obediently, I opened my mouth and his tongue darted in, tasting and caressing the inside cavern of my mouth. His tongue flicked over mine and it sprung to life, sucking and fighting with his.

When he pulled away, I could see that his chest was heaving slightly, and I imagine my face was flushed with the lack of air.

"Hiei?" I whispered, hoping that this wasn't a dream.

"Kurama..."

There was a silence. The air had suddenly grew less tense and the particles had dispersed, allowing tension to dissipate. I would wait for him to say something, for the last time I made the first move, I almost lost the one that I wanted the most.

"Kurama..." he repeated.

Cautiously, he reached out, his small hand mere centimeters from touching my face. I closed my eyes as his hand cupped around my face, and the fire demon said something unexpected.

"I want you too..."

It was a mere whisper, but held a sense of passion and longing.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing! The center of all my dreams, both wild and soft, had just...

~`I want you too...'~

I couldn't hold it in anymore. My arms moved of their own accord and I flung myself into the arms of the Jaganshi.

"Kurama?" His voice was questioning, confused, and unsure.

"Hiei... hold me..."

I suppose he felt comfortable with that, because he carefully placed his arms around me and hugged me close to his chest. It felt... just right...

If desire causes suffering... I'll suffer for the rest of my life.

...Hiei... is my desire...

-~*-~~-*-~~-*-~~-*-~~-*-~~-*-~Owari~-*-~~-*-~~-*-~~-*-~~-*-~~-*- ~~-*-~ < /p>

A/N: YoukoKitsune: HAHAHA!!!! Better ending than last time? It's not angsty!!! ^_^

Kurama: That's it?

YoukoKitsune: I told you I wasn't going to write a lemon scene

Kurama: -_-() Should've had Lindsay write this fic...

YoukoKitsune: o.O

~*Flashback conversation*~

YoukoKitsune: got any ideas for my fic?

Lindsay: ideas?

YoukoKitsune: Yeah. Should I make it happy? Sad? Or just end it?

Lindsay: I say u should...

YoukoKitsune: yes?

Lindsay: make them do *it* (all u hentai's know what she means)... and have Hiei stay and it'll be a happy ending... Make them do *it*, then have Hiei leave, and it'll be a sad ending, or just make them do *it* and it'll be a neutral ending. ^_^

YoukoKitsune: o.O

~*End Flashback conversation*~

YoukoKitsune: KURA-CHAN!!!!! This is my fic! And if u want a lemon scene, go bother Lindsay!

Kurama: okay! *runs off to Lindsay's house*

YoukoKitsune: -_-() oi... please review...

Luvvies! <3