Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Never Take Hiei to a Carnival ❯ Never Take Hiei to a Carnival ( Chapter 1 )

Anime_poker_chik: Heeeellllloooooo!

Hiei: So your mom DID let you post stuff.

A.P.C: Shut up.

Hiei: Ooh I'm scared. I'm quaking in my boots.

Kurama: You're not wearing boots.

Hiei: IT"S AN EXPRESSION BAKA!!!

A.P.C: * GASP!* DON'T CALL MY KURAMA BAKA!!! Just for that, you're gonna suffer! Oh yeah I don't own YuYu Hakusho, But KURAMA is in layaway. I'm going to buy him for Chistmas!! ^_^

Kurama: * sweatdrop*

Hiei: Baka ningen.

A.P.C: That's it. You have a bad ending. But I'll just make it semi bad. You're too cute to have a REALLY bad ending! ^_^

Hiei: Stupid authoress. Stupid…cute…authoress…OOPS!

A.P.C: I HEARD THAT MY SWEET LITTLE BISHONEN! I'm buying you for Christmas too!! *Hugs hiei* Oh here's the story.

Never take Hiei to a Carnival

Part 1

Kitty was sitting on the sofa reading the newspaper. Kurama sat on the other side of the couch playing his GBA, while Hiei lay sprawled out on the floor (in his rocket ship underwear) reading a book called "Murder for Dummies"

Kurama: "So. What do you wanna do today?

Kitty: I dunno. What do you wanna do?

Kurama: Don't care. Hiei?

Hiei: Hn.

Kurama: What do you wanna do today?

Hiei: I don't care. What do you wanna do?

"Great. An inescapable, verbal triangle," muttered Kitty. "HEY!" She yelled as she read an article in the paper.

Kurama and Hiei: What??

Kitty: The carnival is in town!

Hiei: What's that?

Kitty: You don't know what a carnival is??? *hiei shakes head* Talk about a crappy childhood.

Kurama: A carnival is basically a big gathering where people have fun. There are games and rides and can-"

Kitty: NO DON'T SAY THE "C" WORD!!!

Kurama -dy.

Hiei: CANDY CANDY CANDY!!! He darted up the stairs to get some pants and a shirt on.

Kitty: I hate you.

Part 2

Kurama and Kitty had to trot to keep up with Hiei.

Hiei: Where's the candy?????????????????

Kurama: You have to buy it, or you can win it in a game.

Hiei: I'm broke.

Kitty: THANK GOODNESS.

Hiei: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr………..

Kitty: Oh chill out. I'm going to go get a chilidog. I'll be back in a minute. *Walks off*

*Kurama walks over to a stand and gets a bag of cotton candy. *

Hiei: What are you eating: fuzz? It looks like bellybutton lint…

Kurama: Ew, Don't be gross. It's cotton candy. *Eats a piece*

Hiei: It's made of cotton?

Kurama: No. It just looks like it. Hence the name COTTON candy, duh.

Hiei: Can I have a piece?

Kurama: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell…

Hiei: Just one piece?? *puppy eyes*

Kurama gives him a chunk of the fluffy pink candy. About then, Kitty showed up right when Hiei stuffed the whole thing in his mouth.

"KURAMA!!! DON'T GIVE HIM THAT!!! ITS JUST…spun…sugar…" she trailed off. She was too late. Hiei grabbed the bag out of Kurama's hands, and shoveled the entire bag into his mouth.

His ruby eyes started twitching. His mouth jerked into a crazy grin.

"heh heh…heh…heh heh heh…" he mumbled haltingly. "SUGAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

He ripped Kurama's and Kitty's wallets out of their pockets and bought all the cotton candy he could afford. He shoved bag after bag after bag down his throat. When he ran out, he demanded the cotton candy seller to give him some more.

Dude: You have to pay for it.

Hiei: I Don't got no MONEY!

Dude: Tough. You don't got money, you don't get candy. You've had enough already anyway.

Hiei: GIMME!!!

Dude: NO!!!

Hiei whipped out his sword and slit the dude's throat. He grabbed every bag of cotton candy and ran off.

Kitty glared at Kurama. "I hate you."

Part 3

Kurama locked on Hiei's smell.

"This way!"

Kitty ran whichever way Kurama pointed. She noticed empty cotton candy bags all along the way.

"Oooooh, this is just great. Hiei's on a sugar high again…"

They finally caught a glimpse of him running through the fair with NO CLOTHES ON!!! Kitty found his black cloak lying in the dirt. She flung it over her shoulders and ran on. They decided to change into their demon forms to gain more speed. "Not like I really want to be the one to catch up and claim the little streaker…" she thought with a shudder.

People stared as Kitty sprouted her orange tiger tail, her orange ears popped up, and black stripes showed up all over her body. They really stared when red headed Kurama suddenly turned silver headed, and his silver fox ears and foxtail showed up.

One punk screamed, "YOUR TOO OLD FOR TRICK OR TREAT! BESIDES IT'S THE MIDDLE OF JUNE!!!" Without slowing, Kitty ran over, punched the kid in the face, shouted "I AM NOT TOO OLD AND I'M NOT THAT STUPID!" and ran on.

Hiei had paused long enough to grab a thing of blue paint from the face painter guy and make handprints on his chest. He bounded up to the very top seat of the ferris wheel and screamed like Tarzan.

"UH AHHHAHHHH UH AAHHHH UUUUUH!!!!!!!"

The cry echoed through the urban jungle. He leaped off the ferris wheel and kept running.

He killed the concession stand workers and raided every concession stand he came across. He crammed down corn dogs, chilidogs, French fries, ice cream, chips- everything. By now, the police had arrived and were trying to track down the crazy little fire demon, but he was so fast, they never could catch him.

But a certain kitsune running in the crowd only needed to follow his nose.

His tiger friend ran along side him using a magic tracking device. The two had been running for an hour.

Suddenly, they stopped. Hiei stood in front of the Tilt-A-Whirl arguing with the man taking tickets.

Hiei: I WANT ON NOW!!!

Ticket guy: No money, no clothes, no ticket.

Hiei: LET ME ON!!!!!!

Ticket guy: NO! You don't have any money!!

Hiei: Don't make me play dirty. *fingers the tip of his bloody sword, hand twitches so hard he cuts it on the blade*

Ticket Guy: *thinks the sword is a toy, doesn't see the blood or Hiei's cut hand* Whatever. Go ask your mom for a dollar and some clothes, come back, and I'll give you a ticket.

Hiei: *mad at being mistook for a kid* NOW YOU DIE! *stabs ticket guy*

Hiei yanked the lever to stop the machine. "EVERYONE OFF! OR I'LL SUCK OUT YOUR BODY JUICES AND LEAVE YOUR DRIED, SHRIVELED CORPSES FOR THE VULTURES! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

The people on the ride laughed. They thought he was just a kid that had eaten too much sugar. How much harm could a naked, hyper kid do with a plastic sword? Hiei hated to be laughed at, he really hated his sword being called plastic, and he despised being mistaken for a kid.

He leaped onto the machine, sword drawn. Kitty and Kurama started shouting at Hiei.

"Hiei leave them alone!!!" shrieked Kitty. "We're going home NOW!"

"GET DOWN!!!" yelled Kurama.

"THEY CALLED ME A KID AND SAID MY SWORD WAS PLASTIC AND THEY LAUGHED AT ME!!! YOU REALLY THINK I'M GONNA LET THEM FORGET THAT??" With that, he jumped from seat to seat with lightning speed, killing everyone there.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" He made a fireball in his hand. He threw it at the lever and started the machine. He made another and shot something else. Whatever he shot, collapsed and blocked Kitty and Kurama's entrance.

"YAHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

"Look out," warned Kitty. She held out her hand and it looked like she was holding something. Then to Kurama's surprise, a grenade slowly materialized in the kitten demon's hand.

"I thought you made kittens into big wild cats!"

"I do. But that doesn't do me much good when my kittens aren't around does it?" she grinned. She yanked the pin and chunked the grenade. "FIRE IN THE HOLE!"

KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!! SCREEEEEEEEEEECH!

When the dust finally cleared, there wasn't much left of the tilt-a-whirl.

"I hope I didn't blow up Hiei."

Director: And CUT! Beautiful.

Kurama: HEY! You didn't say you hated me!

Kitty: Huh?

Kurama: At the ending of the first two parts, you said you hated me.

Kitty: Um, did you want me to say I hate you?

Director: We start filming part four in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…ACTION.

Kitty: OOPS! Uh, yeah uh…um…

Director: CUT!

Kitty: Sorry I wasn't ready. I think Kurama wants me to say I hate him.

Kurama: No I don't! I was just-

Director: Give me your script. *scribbles something in Kitty's script* There. Now are you ready? *demons nod*

A.P.C: Sorry about the little issue backstage! Back to the show!

Part 4

Kitty and Kurama had drawn quite a crowd. Two teens with ears and tails blowing up the tilt-a-whirl with a grenade that came out of nowhere. Yeah, I'd say that'd draw peeps attention. The two ran over to the pile of rubble.

Kitty: Hiei. HIEI? Are you ok?

Kurama: Say something! Where are you?

Hiei: I'M RIGHT HERE! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Kitty and Kurama looked up. Hiei was standing on top of the carousel, butt naked, and yelling like crazy.

Hiei: * with a primitive accent* YOU NEVER CATCH HIEI YOU PUNY HUMANS! ME HAVE FOUGHT GIANT PINK HAMSTERS FROM MARS, AND HAVE LIVE TO TELL IT! UH AAAAAAH UH AAAAAAH UUUUUH!!!

*leaps off and runs*

Kitty: HIEI JAGANSHI!!!! Get BACK here monkey boy!!!

Hiei came to a screeching halt. She called him Hiei Jaganshi??? How dare she! He hated his full name. And did she call him MONKEY BOY? That was too much.

"INSOLENT HUMAN! YOU HAVE DISGRACE ALL-POWERFUL HIEI!" He killed every one in his sight. What he didn't kill ran off to get the police.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WORLD DOMINATION!!!! ME MAKE ALL YOU WEAK MORTALS INTO KILLER ZOMIES!!! THEN LET US SEE WHO CALL ME JAGANSHI!! YAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!"

He found another cotton candy store. He killed the worker and shoveled down cotton candy.

"Get BACK HERE you rotten!!!"

Hiei ran off with his arms full of candy. He was so high on sugar that it was scary. On his way to where ever he was going, he passed a magician.

Magician: I need a volunteer to-

Hiei: I WILL!!!!!!!!

Magician: Um don't you wanna know what you're volunteering for?

Hiei: I WILL!!!!!!!!

Magician: Ok whatever.

Hiei:YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!

Magician: Ok climb into this box- *before he could finish Hiei jumps into box* Um ok. Now, I will attempt to saw you in half-

Hiei: AAAAAGH NEVER NEVER NEVER!!! *struggles to get out*

Magician: NO NO NO. You volunteered!! *picks up saw*

Hiei: EEEEEEEKS NO NONONONO! *picks up sword and stabs magician. Runs away*

The magician groaned. A girl in blue robes rushed out.

Kitty: AH! Kurama are you ok???

Kurama: Ugh. I don't know.

Kitty: Here take off your robe. *he takes it off revealing a gash in his ribs* Ooo nasty.

Kurama: Seems like our little plan backfired, huh?

Kitty: Yeah. I didn't even get to inject the tranquilizer in him.

From seemingly nowhere, she pulled out a bottle of hydrogen peroxide and doused it onto the wound.

Kurama: OOOOOWWWWWW! Any more alcohol and I'd need a designated driver…

Kitty: Don't be a baby.

Kurama: Isn't there a painless way to do it? *grins*

Kitty: Do you mean-*kurama nods, she sighs* Oh fine.

She leaned over and kissed Kurama's chest. Immediately, the cut closed up, leaving only a red mark where it was. "Anywhere else it hurts?"

Kurama: Well…*he points at his lips and smiles*

Kitty: Evil.

She leaned and kissed him on the lips. "Does it "hurt" now??" she giggled. "Well…" Kurama said with a dirty grin on his face.

"Oh no, no. We don't have time to do this all day," she said. "Just remind me when we get home that I owe you one."

"Kitty? Arigato!"

Meanwhile, Hiei had run out of cotton candy and started stealing them from the prize racks at the games.

Game guy: Hey man! You gotta play to win this stuff.

Hiei: I don't GOTTA do nothin if I don't wanna!

Game guy: I SAID YOU GOTTA PLAY TO WIN IT!!!!

Hiei: AND I SAID I DON'T WANNA!

Game guy: *pulls out gun* OK THAT"S IT! I'M TIRED OF FOOLING WITH YOU!

Hiei sliceed through the gun with his sword and broke it and then he stabbed the game guy. He grabbed the candy and ran.

Kitty's tracking device picked up Hiei's movement. "He's heading towards the roller coaster!"

They raced to the roller coaster. Hiei was riding in one of the cars screaming at the top of his lungs. The ticket man was dead and so were the other passengers.

Kitty: *runs over and stops ride* Hiei please!! YOU HAVE TO STOP KILLING PEOPLE!

Hiei: What will you give me to make me stop???????!!!!

Kitty: I'll buy you a new pair of underwear!!! No wait! TWO new pairs!

Hiei: ALL RIGHT! NOW WE'RE-hey wait a minute! Forget it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *kitty looks a kurama for help*

Kurama: *thinks* HEY! IF YOU COME DOWN, KITTY WILL GIVE YOU A KISS!

Kitty: I'll WHAT??????!!!?!?!?!?!?!?! NO WAY!

Hiei: well then I guess I'll just have to suck out this kid's body juices!

Kurama and Kitty noticed for the first time, that Hiei had a prisoner!

Kitty: OK OK! I will KISS YOU! *glares at kurama* I hate you…

Part 5

Hiei made his way off the roller coaster. Creeping up to a horrified Kitty, he grabbed her shoulders and pulled her down to equal his five feet. His lips inched closer and closer.

"Man, I wouldn't mind this so much if it was under different circumstances," thought Kitty. "C'mon Kurama hurry up!"

POP!

Hiei flew ten feet to the side and landed with a thud.

"AAAAAAGH THE ONE-EYED FRENCHMEN!!! THEY'VE COME TO TAKE MY BRAINS!!! AGGGGGGGHHHH!!!"

Kitty: Kurama!!!! You only clipped him!!!

Hiei: WHAT???!!! KURAMA, YOU TRYRANT! VILLIAN! ILLITERATE!!! Hey what are those?

Kitty: THEY'RE YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE!!!

She pulled a gun from behind her back. She pulled the trigger…….and a THONG flew right at hiei!

Hiei: OH MY GOSH!!! IM DOOMED!

Kurama: I think a hot pink ballerina dress would suit you nicely

The pink, ruffley thing soared towards Hiei. He sliced it to bits. The thong clipped his arm.

"Kurama! Aim for his head!"

Kurama turned the knob on the gun to `do-rag'. With a crack, kurama and kitty shot their guns.

The do-rag sailed right over hiei's head. "NYAH_NYAH YA MISSED-"

WHACK!

Hiei staggered back, dumbfounded. His gaze drifted slowly towards his chest. Wrapped securely around him was a neon green bra.

"Ugh a fatal blow," he moaned, his breath coming in short gasps,

"A blow dealt by the woman who showed me love *overly dramatic, totally hammy* …and compassion…and bought me little rocket ship underwear… well at least…it's under wire." With that he fell to the ground.

"Melodramatic, psychopathic weirdo," said Kitty as she wrapped him up in his dusty cloak.

Kurama: PLEASE let's get outta here. I don't wanna be caught with the freak of the century in our custody.

As the sounds of the policemen came close, Kitty grabbed Kurama's hand.

"Don't freak." She closed her eyes and counted to ten. All three suddenly became less-than-substantial and disappeared from view; to their surprise, they were back at her house in only a few seconds.

Part6

Hiei's eyes fluttered open. Pain surged through his head.

"Ugh," he moaned. "Where am I?"

"You're at my house in my bed and under my sheets to be completely exact. And no, I'm not under them either."

Hiei propped himself up on his elbows and saw Kitty sitting at the edge of her bed smoking a cigarette. Kurama sat by the window drinking a beer.

"It's about time you woke up," said the girl. You could tell in her voice that she was livid. "Here's some Tylenol."

Hiei swallowed the pills. Almost immediately his migraine went away.

"How long have I been knocked out? And what have you two been doing this whole time?"

"You've been knocked out since Kitty hit you with that bra and that was about thirty minutes ago. And for that thirty minutes, we've been discussing your punishment," said Kurama.

"Punishment? For what?"

"Killing all those people for no reason! Don't play like you got insomnia!" yelled Kitty. Kurama whispered in her ear. "Uh, amnesia!"

Kurama: After thinking for some time, Kitty came up with a wonderful idea.

Hiei: Uh-Oh.

Kitty: Yes, uh-oh is right! I sentence you-

Hiei: Mmmmmmmmm!!!

Kitty: To 24 hours-

Hiei: Eeeeeeeeeeks!

Kitty: OF WATCHING NOTHING BUT CARE BEARS-

Hiei: AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHH!

Kitty: AND WITH NOTHING BUT DIET SODA TO DRINK! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *pauses* Ahem. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! *stops* WHERE IS MY EVIL MUSIC??? *Kurama turns on evil music* Thank you. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Hiei: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! WAAAAAAAHHHH! NOT THAT! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!! PLEASE have mercy!!! *sobbing*

Kurama: Well it's either that, or apologi-

Hiei: AAAAAAAH! Oh no…uh…ummm!…waaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!

Kitty: You've just involuntarily picked the care bear punishment.

With that, she made a pair of handcuffs appear, and chained Hiei to her bed.

"Hey this might not be so bad!" said Hiei slyly.

"Give it up, baka."

She turned the channel to care bears, and left Hiei to his misery.

She and Kurama headed down the stairs. "That was a little harsh. You didn't let him choose," said Kurama.

"He deserved the worst punishment anyway," sighed Kitty plopping down on the couch and turning on the TV. Kurama sat down beside her, and draped his arm over her shoulders and running his hand along her silky smooth legs.

"You owe me," he whispered, kissing her.

"I guess I do." She kissed him back.

In the heat of the moment, a newsflash diverted their attention from each other and they listened with growing horror at the news.

"Live at the carnival: IT'S CHAOS! Some naked kid with a sword seems to be going on a killing spree and is killing every one in sight! Every concession stand has been raided and-" *SHIIIING!* *AAAAHGH!*

The reporter fell dead. Suddenly the camera fell to the ground, and the screen went blank. The two teens on the couch stared at the blank TV screen, then looked at each other in bewilderment.

They rushed to Kitty's room. Empty. The chains were broken and the TV was smashed. All the coke bottles were empty. Kurama picked one and started scanning the ingredients.

"KITTY!!!!!" he yelled. "It's not CAFFINE FREE!!!!"

A nervous chuckle escaped her lips and whispered, "Oops."

They scrambled out the door, not even bothering with shoes. They ran to the carnival as fast as humanly possible to try and capture the crazy fire demon-AGAIN. Not like they really wanted to claim him anyway…

APC: DUM_DUH_DUH_DUM!!! All done!

Hiei: YAYAYAYAY!

Kurama: Oooooo those WEREN"T caffine free were they???

APC: Nope! * smiles* Anyway, I'd like to give a BIG BIG BIG…THANK YOU!!! To Heart-of-Flames for pre-reading my story, and giving me an idea for the ending! CYA LATER!