Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Not So Easy ❯ Chapter 1

Not So Easy

By: RedFox

Author's Note: Hey, I wrote this for you, Ashley. Consider it a welcome home present! (And motivation to get a move on with mine! ^___^) It's a songfic that I came up with while you were gone, and I thought you might like it. Definitely inspired by you and Hiei. I made up some of it since we aren't that far in the rp yet. We'll work around it, K?
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho or Sheryl Crow's "It's So Easy". Lyrics are compliment of lyrics.com.

He lay in the bed they had slept in a few times. It was quiet, and for once, it was disturbing him. This was not the room for quiet.

He got up and paced the room, restless. But even with the tiny distraction, he couldn't take it anymore. Just being near the room was enough to drive him crazy. Her scent was all over the place, and it was fading with each passing day that she wasn't here.

He decided a way to fix both problems for the short-term. He went over to the dresser and pushed play on the large box that she had played music on, and went back to the bed, smelling the strawberry scent that was his Onna.

He enjoyed the sound of the music that met his ears, which was unusual in and of itself. The part that disturbed him the most was that, for once, he desired to be around another person; to have their - her - voice interrupting his thoughts; to have her scent linger everywhere.

All I want to know

Is when you go

Do you think of me?

Cause I could let you go

But there'd be a hole

Where my heart used to be.

It was true. These Ningen musicians sure knew how he felt. He truly wondered if his Onna truly thought about him when she went where she was staying. He knew he thought about her. And he had let her go, and the hole was there. He had thought about going to his sister to fix it, but fixing it would take away the pain he felt at her absence. He wanted that pain. He wanted anything that would remind him of her.

It's so easy holding you near

I could melt in your arms and disappear

Loving you baby is breaking my heart tonight

It's so easy but it isn't right

He remembered when she had made him her `pillow.' He had fallen asleep without meaning to. He was going to sneak off after she had fallen asleep. But somehow he hadn't wanted to move and his eyes had drooped shut against his will. He found himself the next morning awaking still under the tree they'd fallen asleep under. He'd brought her back inside. Soon enough, she had woken and upon not seeing him, she had exclaimed indignantly, "Wait a minute . . . I woke up and you weren't being my pillow!" At which she had thrown a pillow at him. He realized now that it was a bit ironic. Her choice of punishing him that is. A rather long pillow fight had ensued. Remembering how much noise had come from this made the music in the room seem much quieter. He heard the lined about loving and that's when it hit him.

He loved her.

Of course, he would never admit it to anyone, not even his best friend, but it was very true. He remembered the time after her `movie night' she had used him as her pillow again. That time he hadn't minded as much. He contributed it to being extremely thrilled at the corpses in one of the movies; but no, he truly cared for his Onna. He had awoken in her arms, and he was comfortable.

I saw you today

You walked away

And I couldn't breathe

Cause I know how it will feel

It's a love so real

When you're touching me

He swore that this singer was a mind reader. Because he had seen her today. This would make the third time since the demons had come, taking his Onna and her friend. It seemed neither of them recognized him or his friend, whom they had been sent to attack. The girls had taken them out easily, because neither he nor his friend to fight back against the people they loved. He had blocked his Onna's attacks for as long as he could, but she was surprisingly good. Her friend took out his, leaving them in unpredictably good condition then took off again. He had come out of it physically unscathed, but he still hurt from wounds he couldn't find. He cursed himself for getting soft with those damned Ningen emotions. This wasn't supposed to happen. He was supposed to have remained hard hearted toward all humans. Why did now have to be the time someone made it past his defenses?

It's so easy holding you near

I could melt in your arms and disappear

Loving you baby is breaking my heart tonight

It's so easy but it isn't right

If he had a heart, truly it was fragile charcoal right now. Easy to light with anger, but very fragile, ready to be broken at a touch that was just a bit too hard. And blacker than the darkest night. Already the cracks were starting to form from where she had tapped it with cruel words and acts. It was getting to the point where he would snap at his friends for minor reasons. He didn't think he could take it for much longer.

Every night I lay here alone

After you leave me and go home

She doesn't know that we can't let go

And it's hurting me so

He had lain on this bed since she had gone missing. He missed her when she wasn't in his sight, whether or not she knew him or cared he was there. She didn't know that he wouldn't let her go, no matter what. He would get her to remember him and everything they'd been through: from pillow fights to sparring to getting drunk at Joey's Dig. It hurt every time she looked at him with contempt, every time she aimed a blow at him with his gift to her, and every time she walked away. He tightened his grip he had on her pillow and breathed the calming scent that still lingered.

It's so easy holding you near

I could melt in your arms and disappear

Loving you baby is breaking my heart tonight

It's so easy but it isn't right

Baby it's so easy

He practically had a death grip on her pillow now. He hadn't melted when he had awoken in her embrace all those nights ago. But now his heart wasn't breaking; it was already broken, lying at her feet as she laughed. Oh, how he missed her mirthful, impatient, ("You're telling this to the most impatient person on the planet, damn it!") pleasant laughter. She was the only person who could make him smile, and she had taken advantage of it. She had even given him a kit for his katana, accepting his violent side when others thought it disturbing.

He no longer thought the singer a mind reader. The words were mere coincidence. Because the most important words were backwards to him. She was so right for him, but it wasn't easy at all.

Those were his last thoughts as he drifted off to sleep, a single tear, glistening in the moonlight, coming to rest beside his head on the pillow.