Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Old Demons Die Hard ❯ Kazuma in Gray ( Chapter 3 )

Old Demons Die Hard

Chapter Three:

Kazuma in Gray

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All things YYH belong to Funimation and Yoshihiro Togashi, bla bla bla…

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Death and dying. Is this all that the world has come to? Is this the true essence of life - its end?

Kazuma sped down the boulevard, the rain splattering against the car windows, creating spidery illusions as drops of water slid down the cold, hard glass. The grayness of the street, the buildings, the sky was unsettling, yet comforting at the same time. It was like a giant blanket that you snuggle up in on a cold winter's day.

The funeral had gone well, despite the rain. The rain seemed to make the mourners less ominous, all dripping and wet in their black attire, like a flock of crows in the soggy mist of an autumn morning. Kazuma didn't speak to anyone, and no one spoke to him. Cold, rigid, granite… Setsuko's family were all like that. Kazuma was usually not like that, he hated those who were… but, he supposed that he was still in shock. He hadn't even cried - yet. Setsuko had suffered for so long. Taking her off life support was the only humane thing to do. There was no hope. All was gone, had been gone, like a shattered portrait that you try to put back together, but the pieces never seem to fit right and you end up throwing it away. The tumor had gotten so horrible, surgery would have killed her for sure. There was just nothing… no hope… nothing.

Setsuko's family was still angry at Kazuma for giving her a burial instead of the traditional Japanese cremation. He had explained to them it was her last wish, but he had come to accept that in their eyes, he could do nothing right. "Don't you dare burn my body," she would say, before she became a human vegetable. "If you burn my body, Kazuma, I will come back and haunt you!"

"So, I just let you rot in the ground?" he would reply.

"I would rather have worms mangled in my eyesockets than to be consumed in fire!"

Setsuko's fear of fire had become obsessive… unhealthy… those last few months. The doctors had said it was her fear of fire that had kept her alive and going for so long. She would have nightmares of being burned alive, of being cremated. She would wake up screaming, dripping in cold sweat. She never really accepted her death, until the very end… those last few days when she could still talk. She would just sit at the window and stare, humming softly, stroking the tiny gray kitten Kazuma had bought for her in hopes an animal would do her good. He'd read in a magazine somewhere that keeping pets was good for you, and he'd wanted a kitten for so long.

He made a right at the stop sign, passing by the flower shop where he'd bought Setsuko's funeral arrangement. A bunch of giant white lilies… they were her favorites. He'd bought her roses there, on Valentine's Day. If he'd known then he'd be burying his wife a mere few months later, he probably would have committed suicide.

A gentle rumble of thunder sounded as the clouds scuttled hurriedly across the silken gray sky. The rain had not yet let up, and Kazuma was glad of it. One does not care for sunshine when one feels like being miserable. He knew what he would end up doing. He'd probably go back home and get drunk and pass out on the couch, so he wouldn't have to think, wouldn't have to worry. Unconsciousness is heavenly bliss.

He rounded the corner and hit the gas hard. Home was just a block away. It seemed odd he would want to go back home, with so much there to remind him of Setsuko. Maybe, deep down inside, he was a kind of masochist. Maybe he drew comfort from pain. But instead, he liked to think he was drawing comfort in Setsuko's death, her final peace.

He pulled up the house and parked, grabbing his umbrella from the back seat. He hurried up the front steps and over the threshold before allowing himself to be soaked to the bone. He looked around. The house was a mess. And that was just fine. Dirty clothes slung everywhere, empty soda cans lying around, magazines and newspapers stacked up by the dozens… it fit his mood perfectly.

The house was illuminated by the dull gray hue from outdoors, and shook suddenly as a loud bolt of thunder sounded, lightning ripping across the sky. It was getting worse out… but this was a good thing. Kazuma was home now, and he was in the mood for a good, hard storm.

He took off his jacket and hung it on the unsturdy little coat rack in the corner of the room. He grabbed the remote, then instantly dropped it. He didn't want noise, he wanted silence. Cold, empty, consoling silence. He sat down on the couch, closing his eyes and giving a long, heavy sigh. Home, he thought. I'm home, and Setsuko isn't here. This is what life is going to be like from now on.

Tenshi, the little gray kitten, was curled up snug in her little bed at Kazuma's feet. He wanted to pick her up and hold her, allowing her to comfort him, give him the love and support he needed right now. But he didn't want to wake her up… so he let her sleep, her little kitten's purr resounding softly.

He wondered what he would do tonight. He had gotten used to sleeping alone ever since Setsuko had been put in the hospital, but at least she was alive then. Now it was just him. Well, him and Tenshi. Tenshi could sleep with him now… Setsuko didn't like having the cat on the bed. He stared down at her. She's so tiny, he thought. Such a tiny little life, with so much love to offer. And we humans go through life thinking only of ourselves, merely because we have so much more time… well, some of us.

The flashing red light of the answering machine caught his eye. He glanced at the small gray box and pressed a button, a little beep emanating through the room. "You have three new messages," said the stiff computerized female voice.

"Mr. Kuwabara, let me know if you need anything," came the voice of Ishiro, their next door neighbor. She had graduated from college the previous summer with her Master's in Accounting. Boring, horrid thing, accounting. It made Kazuma's head hurt just thinking about it. "I'm terribly sorry about your loss. I'll be checking in on you later this week. Take care." She was a sweet girl, even if a bit dull. Most accountants don't have much of a life anyway.

"Mr. Kuwabara, this is Kogamaru, we really need to go over your wife's will sometime this week. I know it's difficult, but with the legal process and everything…" Kazuma tuned the attorney out, not wanting to go through all the legal mumbo-jumbo that he had been dreading. Big legal words made his head hurt just as much as numbers, if not more. And besides, he'd read the will over a month before and everything was now in his possession. Her family would receive nothing. He dreaded having to deal with them again, the cruel vicious people who had never approved of him. After this, he thought, I'll never have to deal with them again.

"Kuwabara…" Kazuma straightened at the sound of the familiar voice. "Kuwabara, it's Yusuke. I know it's been a while since we've talked. I don't really know why I'm calling now, I just feel the need to. I guess you're not home, or you just don't want to talk, or whatever. But… I can't explain it. I've been having a bad feeling these past few weeks. I can't talk to just anyone about it, least of all Keiko. I don't know why, but I feel you're the only person I can talk to about it. I'm getting some sort of energy… negative energy. I think it might have something to do with Hiei and Kurama." Kazuma immediately stiffened, baiting his breath. Hiei and Kurama… nothing good could come of this… "And it just feels really weird. But I don't know, maybe it's just me. What do you think? Have you been feeling anything? How's your wife by the way? Still keeping kittens? Oh well… give me a call if you can. My number is…" Kazuma didn't bother grabbing a pen or pencil; he knew he would be saving the message. "… and I really should go, damn overseas calling costs a fortune, I can't afford it…" Liar. "So, I guess I'll hear from you soon. Take care." Click.

Kazuma reached over and pressed the little `save' button, the machine bleeping in response. He hadn't spoken to Yusuke in almost five years. Why the hell would that little prick be calling now? He didn't want to hear about Hiei and Kurama, he was sick of it. He'd had nightmares constantly for five years because of the whole situation…

Blood on the altar.

Blood smeared across naked flesh.

The rose petals wilting in pools of blood on the ground.

He yelled. "God dammit!" He stood, grabbing his head. "Fuck you, Yusuke," he whispered, shuddering violently. "Fuck you, Kurama, and fuck you, Hiei. Fuck you all into hell." If Yusuke had been having bad feelings about Hiei and Kurama, they were well deserved. Had he been having nightmares? Had his stomach turned at the sight of blood? Yusuke had no feeling, no conscience.

But why did Kazuma feel the need to call him? To talk to him? Maybe it was curiosity, maybe it was for closure… He hated Yusuke. He loathed him with every fiber of his being at that moment. But he couldn't help but be compelled that this would somehow involve him as well. Had he not witnessed the horrors? Had he not taken part in the bloodshed? He wanted to forget. He had tried so hard to forget. But the nightmares came… Sometimes every other night, sometimes in three-month intervals. He hated to admit it, but Setsuko's illness had been such comfort in all its agony. He hadn't had to think of the heathen nightmares of the past. His night ghasts were of Setsuko's death, not of Yusuke and the demons. But he knew now they would indeed return, and he wanted closure. Even if he hated Yusuke, he had to do this. It was selfish. But needed.

Setsuko… he had almost forgotten about Setsuko. This effect that his past had on him, it was horrible. He had broken out into a cold sweat, and he began to cry tearlessly. "Dammit, god dammit, god dammit…" He rocked back and forth on the couch, whimpering like a small child. Setsuko was gone, and he was now confronted with Yusuke. He could end up putting a bullet in his head by the end of the week.

Tenshi had woken from Kazuma's ravings. She stared up at him with great green owl-eyes. "Mew."

Kazuma looked down at the kitten. If only she knew… or did she? "Tenshi…" He grabbed the cat and pressed her close to his chest. He clung to her like a doll. She didn't protest or attempt escape. She withstood his pressure calmly, staring lovingly up at him. "Mew."

"I need you now, Tenshi… I won't leave you, I promise." He had stopped shaking and whimpering, and had begun to stroke the kitten gently, knowing he had probably hurt her. "I've gotta call Yusuke, Tenshi. I gotta…" But he didn't want to finish the sentence. He knew that Tenshi knew, somehow, in her own little cat-like way. Cats always know. All animals have wisdom beyond human understanding, and they know more about our lives, our world than we do. Kazuma had always believed that. And if Tenshi was with him, he felt that somehow, everything would be alright.

"Operator… I need to make a call to New York…"

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I'm terribly sorry about the overly long delay in updating. I promise I will try to be less lax in my work. I want to thank all who reviewed my previous chapters, you have been my inspiration! I love you all! * huggles * ^-^

TyBat )*(