Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Pretty Little Ripples ❯ Pretty Little Ripples ( One-Shot )

Disclaimer: you're probably sick of these by now, ne?

Note: timeline! …Sort of. This takes place in that little span of time between Yuusuke's possession by Raizen (his fight with Sensui) and Yuusuke's, Kurama's, and Hiei's return to Makai. When Yuusuke tells Keiko he'll have to leave her for about a year.

"Pretty Little Ripples"

//Two days past eighteen//
//He was waiting for the bus in his army green//

Yuusuke smiled up at the sky, a dreamy look in his eyes as he leaned back against the wooden bench.

Hard, uncomfortable wood. The green paint-which wasn't really green anymore-chipped off onto his white tunic and left unsightly spots.

Right, like he cared.

But he did know somebody who might…if she still cared about anything he did.

//Sat down in a booth in a cafe there//
//Gave his order to a girl with a bow in her hair//

//He's a little shy so she gives him a smile//

These damn buses took forever, and then when they arrived, aside from being filthy, they took forever to get where you wanted to go. But it was all worth it, wasn't it? Yeah, sure it was. Because he had someone to see.

Tapping on the door hesitantly (who tapped on the doors of restaurants? It was ridiculous; no one answered a restaurant door), he stalled longer and eventually pushed the glass pane in.

A bell chimed over his head.

She looked up and smiled, and a little of his courage wavered. She wouldn't understand. She would be hurt. She would leave him at the bus stop and let him spend his life wishing he'd been smart enough to hold on tight.

She would make him sorry.

How could he tell her…anything?

Yet…

How could he not?

//And he said would you mind sittin' down for a while//
//And talking to me//,
//I'm feeling a little low//
//She said I'm off in an hour and I know where we can go//

"Irasshai gozaimashita," she greeted with a smile. He nodded and looked away.

She faltered a moment and wondered if she had done something wrong.

"Daijobu?"

He smiled in return, weakly. She moved from behind the counter.

A young woman stopped in her tracks and demanded someone let her pay her bill. She had somewhere to be.

"Daijobu…"

Something was wrong, she thought.

But he told her…everything…

Didn't he?

She took his hand and looked up worriedly into his eyes. He smiled and it didn't show.

She waved to the counter and expected someone to cover for her, and lead him outside.

The young woman slapped her bill down on the counter and stalked out.

//So they went down and they sat on the pier//
//He said I bet you got a boyfriend but I don't care//

They sat together on the concrete beside a water main. The grass shivered in the wind and the water moved slowly, little pebbles falling down the bank to splash ripples through the surface. Pretty little ripples.

She looked at him questioningly, but didn't speak.

He didn't notice her. Instead, he smiled fondly at the memories the water held.

Not the same water from his memories, probably-rain and mist had taken care of that. But the same concrete tunnels and the same concrete dip in the road…

"Do you want to be friends?" she had asked.

"Yeah," he had said, a gracious smile lighting up all over his face.

But life was so simple then…

//I got no one to send a letter to//
//Would you mind if I sent one back here to you//

"I need to go somewhere for awhile…"

She smiled fondly and nodded. "Where?"

He looked at her with the sun dancing in his eyes. A sparkle lit there that she had never seen before; the light was not true light, not of the hope we young fools like to think of light to be. It was a dim, false thing; a reflection, really, of repression and holding back.

"What do you need to tell me…?"

He laughed quietly and tossed a little pebble into the water. Pretty little pebble. Make pretty little ripples.

She laid her hand over his and he even considered jerking it away.

You can't know how hard you're making this for me, he wanted to say. He wanted to tell her to stop touching him. Stop making things hard.

Stop touching me, but don't leave, he wanted to say. He wanted to beg her not to leave. Just don't touch me. Just stay away.

He wanted to say.

//I cried//
//Never gonna hold the hand of another guy//

//Too young for him they told he//
//Waitin' for the love of a travelin' soldier//
//Over love will never end//

He laughed again. Because it was all sort of funny. Yeah, sort of. Sort of funny in the ways that he wanted to tell her everything he was thinking. Sort of funny in the ways that telling her everything would only make it worse.

She nudged closer and he rocked forward on his toes. Her arms wrapped around his chest.

"You know I would never leave you, right?"

She smiled to herself. Maybe if she reassured him, he would tell her something was wrong. Something was wrong, right? Something right didn't make a person close off like this. Something had to be wrong.

Right?

"Daijobu?"

He nodded.

"Daijobu…"

She nestled her head into the crook between his shoulder blades and he stopped rocking.

"Hontouni?"

He shook his head, and she couldn't see him. No, he wanted to say. No, not really.

"Hai."

//Waitin' for the soldier to come back again//
//Never more to be alone when the letter said//
//A soldier's coming home//

"Where do you have to go?"

How do you know about that? he wanted to say. He wanted to ask, how did you know I was leaving? How did you know I had to go away?

But then he remembered.

I told you, didn't I? he thought. Yes, I told you, didn't I?

Why would I have done that?

Start me on the path of a fast moving train, see the trouble when it's too late to turn away, tell a girl what's on my mind, and then sometimes…it all turns out all right.

It all turns out all right.

I wish it all turned out all right, he thought.

But he knew life wasn't nice like that.

She looked at him and smiled warmly. She didn't know. She didn't know, she didn't know… She pretended, but she didn't know…

And how could he hate her for it? Didn't they all pretend?

I'll pretend it's all right, he wanted to tell her, and you'll pretend it's not a big deal. The fast moving train will run me over and you'll pretend it's all gonna be all right.

It's gonna be all right.

//So the letters came from an army camp//
//In California then Vietnam//
//And he told her of his heart//

"I won't be able to write or call."

"Where are you going?"

Secretly, she told herself that it was okay. As long as she knew he was alive, he didn't need to write or call. It was okay. Part of the deal. Really.

It was okay.

In secret.

He wouldn't tell her.

In secret, it was okay. Wherever he went, it was okay. He wouldn't write or call, but it was okay.

Everything was okay.

He threw another pebble into the water.

"Do you even know?"

He shook his head.

He did know, of course. It wasn't hard.

He wouldn't tell her, of course. That would be hard.

It was all very curious, she thought, but it would all work out. Someone would know and he would get where he was going. They all would.

It would be okay. All of it would be okay.

Pretty little pebble making pretty little ripples.

//It might be love and all of the things he was so scared of//
//He said when it's getting kinda rough over here//
//I think of that day sittin' down at the pier//

It wouldn't be easy.

Days would be long and hard, and maybe the sun wouldn't even rise sometimes. Sometimes, he would have to tell the moon to stop shining. Then the sun would come out and everything would be normal.

Normal.

Normal was all right.

She helped him get through normal.

But she always knew what normal was.

This normal wasn't normal at all. He choked. It was a kind of laugh, really, but it was really choking. Really.

He would need something to keep him going.

He couldn't tell her.

If he told her, he might not have anything to keep him going. That couldn't be. That would never last. He couldn't tell her. But she deserved to know, right?

Right? Wrong?

Maybe both.

//And I close my eyes and see your pretty smile//
//Don't worry but I won't be able to write for awhile//

"I mean it. I won't write you at all."

She sat back on the grass and felt a little tear trying to leak from her eye. Rubbing it back. Rub. Rub.

She nodded.

"Won't?"

"I can't."

That's different, she would tell him. Why didn't she tell him? Usually.

But not now.

Why?

Rub. Rub.

She was making her eye red, probably.

"Why?"

He looked over. Her voice had been soft, and he couldn't hear. Hadn't tried to hear.

Did he really want to hear?

Of course.

Yes…

No…

//One Friday night at a football game//
//The lord's prayer said and the anthem sang//

Normal was normal.

Normal was good.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why can't you write?"

He smiled and laughed. That was normal.

That was good.

"I…don't know what good it would do."

But I would like it, she wanted to say. There needed to be more reason than that. That was silly. That was not good.

She couldn't call him silly. It wouldn't be right.

What a funny reason.

What was "right" about any of this?

Nothing, really.

//A man said folks would you bow your heads//
//For a list of local Vietnam dead//

I wonder, he thought, if anyone would bother to tell her if I died.

I don't think so.

Koenma might.

Botan wouldn't be able to control herself enough, ditzy girl.

Genkai might.

Yukina wouldn't be able to choke out the words through her tears, sentimental girl.

Kurama might.

Kuwabara wouldn't be able to break Keiko's heart, soft boy.

Hiei?

Hiei would never.

Hiei wouldn't care.

Cold bastard.

Saved our lives enough to earn his keep, hasn't he?

He smiled over at her.

Why?

//Crying all alone under the stands//
//Was a piccolo player in the marching band//

"But…"

He raised a hand to his lips and shook his head.

She nodded.

She didn't know why.

"You won't get anywhere telling me I'm wrong."

"But…if something happens… I won't…I won't know…and you-"

He shook his head.

Nothing will happen.

I'll be okay.

I won't make you cry.

None of this is worth that.

"Nothing will happen."

I hope.

I pray.

I'll try.

Nothing…

//And one name read and nobody really cared//
//But a pretty little girl with a bow in her hair//

"If I should die before my time…"

She looked over silently.

"Before I have a chance to really do something…good…"

She waited tensely.

"Make sure…"

She edged over slightly.

"Make sure…someone cares…"

She nodded.

"I will."

I promise.

He smiled at her. She smiled back.

There was nothing, really, to smile about.

He threw another pebble into the water.

Pretty little pebble.

Pretty little ripples.

//Owari

Okay…eheh. Yeah.

Wow, I think I scared myself with the weirdness of this fic.

This note does have a point! Really! I swear!

The "pretty little ripples" reference. Think of what ripples represent (yes, yes, think in clichés). "Everything you do affects someone who cares about you, even if you don't know they care about you." That's why Yuusuke asks Keiko, right at the end, to make sure that, if he dies "before his time" (prematurely, before reaching old age, of unnatural causes, et cetera), someone cares that he's dead. The reason all their friends are brought up in the passage preceding that one is to make the point that even if you don't know it, someone always cares.

Hey, you there, in the back. Stop laughing. Everyone gets a cliché piece now and then, it's my license as a writer, dammit. Meh.

Anyway, Yuusuke is the "pretty little pebble" and "pretty little ripples" is like an obscure way of saying that he has good friends.

…Don't ask. I don't know, either.