Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Recollections of the Past ❯ Chapter 1

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.


-Telepathy-


(Thoughts)


WARNING: This is an adult type fic, which includes sexual situations and rape. For those of you that are reading this and should not be reading this, click the back button now so I don't get in trouble for having under aged people reading this. You have all been warned.


Recollections of the Past


Shiroi and Hiei were getting ready for bed. It had been four years since Kaika was born, and everything was back to normal, sort of.


Hiei stretched out on the blankets as Shiroi sat down. When she didn't lie down after a minute, he sat up. "Is something wrong?"


Shiroi looked over at him, "Is it okay if I'm blunt?"


Hiei blinked, "What?"


Shiroi sighed, "Is it okay if I say flat out what I want to know?"


"If it makes things easier," Hiei answered as he lay back down again.


Shiroi sighed again, and then asked, "How come we haven't done it in the past four years?"


Hiei looked confused and sat up again. "Done what?"


Shiroi glared at him, and said it bluntly. "Sex."


"Oh," Hiei answered, flushing slightly.


Shiroi asked another blunt question, "Have you been cheating on me?"


"Excuse me?" Hiei asked, outraged. "Of course not!"


"Then why haven't we?" Shiroi asked again.


Hiei sighed, "I don't want you getting pregnant again."


Shiroi blinked, "That's it? That's the reason?"


"Well look what's happened to you every time you've gotten pregnant," Hiei said. "I don't want to risk losing you again."


"Hiei," Shiroi sighed, "Hikori's birth was an accident, and Kaika's was a surprise. I know what to do if I get pregnant again."


"And that is?" Hiei asked.


Shiroi turned away, "I'm not going to tell you, since it seems that were aren't going to be doing anything for the rest of our lives."


Hiei rolled his eyes. "Don't think I haven't wanted to." He lay down again and closed his eyes, even though he knew the discussion wasn't over. Suddenly he felt a weight on his abdomen and opened his eyes. Shiroi was sitting on him, straddling him to be exact. "Shiroi?"


"So why haven't you?" she asked.


"I already answered that," Hiei answered, feeling him self becoming aroused. "I've slept outside to keep myself from taking you."


Shiroi felt the bulge underneath her and pressed against it with her hips.


Hiei gulped and tried to shift around, but Shiroi kept him form moving. "I've made myself clear Shiroi, I don't want you getting pregnant." Shiroi sighed and got off of him. But instead of going back to her place on the bed, she got up and went to the corner. Hiei sat up, "Are you all right?"


"Makes no difference," Shiroi said. "Sleeping over here isn't any different than sleeping over there with you."


Hiei got up and went over to her, "You don't need to do this."


"I've slept like this before," Shiroi said. "There aren't any beds when I'm out on a mission."


Hiei sighed, "Come on Shiroi, come back to bed. You've made your point."


"And so have you," Shiroi said. "So it doesn't matter if I come back or not."


Hiei groaned, and then defiantly picked up Shiroi and brought her back to bed. He laid her down, and then lay down on top of her. "I may have proven something," he said, "But I can't hold it back any longer." He slipped his hand behind her head and kissed her.


Flashback:


Hiei came around the corner and stopped when he saw Shiroi. She had left that morning to answer a call from Emperor Enma. He had expected her to be gone for a few days, but this time she had been gone less than an hour.


"You're back already?" he asked. "Was it a false alarm?"


Shiroi shook her head, "No, he had a mission for me, but I can't do it."


"Why not?" Hiei asked. "Not that I want you going out on his missions."


Shiroi giggled, "I know you don't." She smiled again.


Hiei eyed her, "So, what's the reason you couldn't do it?"


Shiroi giggled again, "It was hazardous to my health."


Hiei rolled his eyes, "Anything involving Emperor Enma is hazardous to anyone's health. Why won't you give me a straight answer?"


Shiroi grinned, "I want to see if you can guess."


Hiei scowled, "Then at least give me some better hints!"


Shiroi glared at him, "I won't if you yell at me."


Hiei sighed, "Forget it. If it makes you not have to do something for Enma I'm fine not knowing what it is."


Shiroi looked hurt, "All right then." She turned away from him, "Although this does involve you."


Hiei blinked, "Then why won't you just tell me?"


Shiroi looked over her shoulder, "You don't seem to care," she answered. She started walking away. "Maybe I'll tell you later, if you really want to know."


Hiei followed after her, "But now I want to now."


Shiroi stopped and looked at him, "I wish you would make up your mind."


Hiei looked away. "Sorry," he said a little sheepishly.


Shiroi sighed, but smiled. "Okay, so you really want to know?"


"Yes," Hiei answered. "Since it seems to be so important."


Shiroi leaned forward and kissed him quickly. "I'm pregnant." She turned and walked away.


Hiei's jaw dropped, but he quickly shook his head and followed after her. "W-wait a minute, how do you know?"


"There are ways to tell," Shiroi answered as she continued walking. She glanced at him, and stopped walking. The look of pure shock on his face was rather funny. "Are you okay?"


Hiei's jaw worked, but now sound came out. Then he fell backwards in a dead faint.


Shiroi giggled, "I hope that means you're okay with it."


End Flashback:


Hiei lifted himself off of Shiroi. He had succeeded in getting all of her clothes off, but he still had his pants on. It was still strange to see her without scars, and he knew it would be that way for a long time.


"I still can't see how you managed a pregnancy with all of those scars," Hiei said. "Scars don't stretch."


Shiroi shrugged, "It changed so gradually I didn't feel a difference, except in weight." She smiled and the memories.


"You didn't seem to be encumbered by in very much," Hiei said as caressed one hand down her body.


Shiroi closed her eyes and smiled, to the feeling and the memories. "I was in good shape back then."


Hiei didn't seem to be listening at the moment. His hand had worked its way down between her legs. He kissed her, his tongue probing her mouth as he slipped two fingers inside her.


-You still seem to be avoiding the initial action, - Shiroi said through telepathy, since she couldn't speak verbally at that moment.


-I'm doing whatever I want, - Hiei answered. He added to that by slipping a third finger into her.


-You're teasing me, - Shiroi said. -Though I guess you can't go much farther, since you still have your pants on. -


Hiei pulled away from her and glared at her. Then he smirked, "If you want them off so badly, why don't you take them off?"


Shiroi blushed. "You can take your time."


Hiei laughed, "You haven't changed at all. You may like it, but you've never given it."


Shiroi looked away, "You should be happy that I even like it, considering..."


Hiei sighed, "You're right. If you had been as affected by your childhood as any other person would have been, you still wouldn't allow men near you, let alone marry one and all that's involved."


"I'm glad you understand," Shiroi said. "To be truthful, I still have a slight fear of it. It's why I don't go any farther on my part."


Hiei nodded, and then moved over slightly and kicked his pants off. He came back, "Now, where were we?"


2nd Flashback:


"Hiei?" Shiroi looked out of their bedroom. "Now where did he go?" She walked out and walked around the temple. When she couldn't find him, she got annoyed. "I know why he's hiding, he doesn't want to go Keiko and Yuseke's and pick up baby clothes."


"Actually he came by and asked me to bring it by," Yuseke said as appeared from the stairs, carrying a box. "He didn't want you leaving the temple in your condition."


Shiroi blushed, and then changed the subject, "Where is he anyway?"


Yuseke set the box down and shrugged, "Don't know. When he was done at my place he just jumped away." He patted the box, "Where do you want it?"


"Let's take it to our room," Shiroi answered. They went there and Yuseke set the box down just inside the door. "Some of the clothes are in the box are mine and some of it is Keiko's. Since you two don't know what it is, once you find out I can come and pick up what you don't need."


"Thank you Yuseke," Shiroi said.


"No problem," Yuseke answered. "Before I leave I want to find that short husband of yours and give him a whack for not telling you what he was doing."


"Good luck finding him," Shiroi said. "He's nowhere in the temple, and you'll never find him if he's in the forest."


Yuseke sighed, "Damn, and I wanted to beat him." He stretched, "Oh well, guess I'll have to wait until the next time I see him."


"I wouldn't let you touch me."


The two looked up to see Hiei standing on the roof.


"There you are you little bastard," Yuseke said as Hiei jumped down from the roof. "So where've you been?"


"That's my business," Hiei answered.


"And you won't tell me?" Shiroi asked. "Since you don't want me leaving them temple you can at least tell me where you go."


Hiei stuffed his hands in his pockets and walked away.


"Hiei you little jerk!" Yuseke yelled. "Get your puny ass back here!" He turned to Shiroi. "Will you be okay if I go after him?"


Shiroi nodded, "Yes, just as long as you bring him back when you're done."


Yuseke nodded and went after Hiei. As soon as he entered the forest he knew the fire demon had leapt ahead. (Damn that stupid fire demon, Yuseke thought. What the hell is going through his head?)


He emerged through the trees after walking for several minutes into a clearing. There were several holes in the ground, which proved that it was a training ground for Shiroi and Hiei. "Looks like this place has seen better days."


"If you'll notice, the pond hasn't been touched."


Yuseke looked around, and found Hiei sitting on a boulder a few feet away. "There you are you little pest. What makes you think you can just walk away from Shiroi like that?"


Hiei didn't answer; he just stared out over the pond.


"Are you okay?" Yuseke asked. "You're not acting like yourself. Oh wait a minute, yes you were, about five minutes ago." When he didn't get a reaction out of that, he knew something was wrong. "Okay, spill it, what's the matter?"


"It has nothing to do with you," Hiei said without looking at him.


"Nothing to do with me?" Yuseke asked. "I just gave you two my baby clothes, I think I should be at least allowed some answers for why you're acting like a dick."


Hiei turned to look at him, "Excuse me?"


Yuseke laughed, "I guess a little vulgar language would get a response out of you." He looked at Hiei, "Hey, if you want to get something off your chest that you don't want to tell Shiroi, then go ahead and tell me. I might not able to help with much, but I can listen."


Hiei looked back over the pond, "I don't know if I should tell you, you're not one to keep secrets."


"I'm better than Kuwabara," Yuseke pointed out. He watched Hiei roll his eyes. "Okay, time to get it out. Before I force it out."


Hiei stood up, "I'm not as sure about this as Shiroi is. She's excited about it, but..."


Yuseke listened, and put the vague little pieces together, "Are you saying you're scared?" He watched Hiei looked down at the ground. "Wow, didn't think I'd even hear you say that." He thought for a moment, "Well, I can't give any parenting advice, since my mom was lousy and I never had a dad. But I can say that you should definitely talk it over with Shiroi."


"She won't believe me," Hiei said.


"Of course she will," Yuseke replied. "This is a big deal, there's no reason why she shouldn't believe you."


Hiei continued to stare out over the water, but said, "And if she doesn't?"


Yuseke shook his head, "She will, you shouldn't even worry about it."


Hiei nodded and hopped off the rock, "Let's go."


Yuseke grinned, and they headed back to the temple.


End 2nd Flashback:


Shiroi clung to Hiei as he intensified his actions. He was beginning to get a little rough, and she was hoping he would realize it soon before she reacted. He still had yet to take her, but he wasn't far from it.


After a few seconds, Shiroi managed to gasp, "Hiei, slow down a little please."


Hiei instantly froze. He lifted his head to look at Shiroi. Her eyes reflected a small amount of fear. He moved off of her and gently pulled her close to him and held her. He also pulled the blankets over them, knowing they would make Shiroi feel more secure. A few seconds later he felt her begin to tremble, and felt hot tears drip onto his chest. "I'm sorry Shiroi."


Shiroi shook her head, "No, it's not your fault."


Hiei looked down at her, "How is it not?"


Shiroi shook her head, "I was remembering..."


"Remembering what?" Hiei asked.


"The rape," Shiroi answered. "I want to forget it, but I never will."


Hiei tilted her head up, and then gently pressed his forehead to hers. "Show me," he said.


3rd Flashback:


Shiroi had no clue where they had been, but it had been somewhere dark. Suddenly her father appeared over her, grinning manically.


She knew what he was going to do a second before he did it, and screamed when he penetrated her. With each stroke he did, another bolt of pain seared her body. She tried to stop him several times, but all he did was shove her back down.


To add to her pain, he bit her. She would sport scars where she least wanted them, moreover on her breasts. He ran his tongue over her body, just to enhance his sexual rage.


Shiroi couldn't move now. Raimeihi had her arms pinned down with his hands, and his lower body was crushing her to where she lay. She was too afraid to scream anymore; for fear that her father would cause her more pain.
Raimeihi laughed evilly into her ear, "You should be enjoying this. This'll probably be the only time this'll ever be done to you. No man is going to want you, and you fear them anyway." He laughed again and brought his mouth down on hers, forcing his tongue into her mouth and violating her innocence even more.


Raimeihi finally took his mouth away and grinned, "It's a little sad. A man would enjoy this from you, if one would even have you." He laughed and began his stokes again, causing her body to shake with pain, and it only aroused him more.


Finally, he pulled out of her and tossed her away. Shiroi lay there in a shaking heap.


"Don't think I'm done yet," Raimeihi cackled, "I'll be back in a little while, so get ready." He laughed and walked away.


Shiroi was in so much pain she could move. She wanted to die right there where she lay so she wouldn't have to go through it again. She finally got herself sitting up. There was blood on the floor and on her body from a few places where he had bitten her. She wanted to run, but she had no clue where she was, and didn't have the strength to move anymore.


She wasn't surprised that Raimeihi came back a few minutes later, just as bare as before. "I see you're sitting up," Raimeihi said with an evil smile. "Good I was hoping you would be." He walked up to her and squatted down next to her. "What's the matter, afraid I'll hurt you again?"


Shiroi just sat there and shook, she was too afraid to answer her father.
Raimeihi merely shrugged, "Well let's continue." He shoved her down and turned her over. He lifted her lowered body up and entered her again. This time all he had to do was ram her hips back and forth against him, much less effort than he had to use last time.


To Shiroi, it was longer than the last time. When he finally disengaged her, he picked her up and carried her somewhere. She didn't know where until he threw her, and she landed in icy water.


She swam to the surface and gasped for air. Raimeihi wasn't coming after her, and at this point she just wanted to get her feet on something. She swam far enough to shore until her knees hit the bottom, and she sat there, staring at her father.


"Don't make me come in there and get you," Raimeihi growled. Shiroi took that as a major threat and waded out of the water, much to her body's protest.


She walked up slowly to her father, and he threw her clothes at her. "Get dressed," he said. "It's time for to go and watch your friends die." He walked off and Shiroi fell to her knees.


End 3rd Flashback:



Shiroi trembled in Hiei's arms as the memory faded. Hiei was seething with rage, but the only thing that kept him from charging out right at the second to kill Raimeihi was because the Raimeihi that had done that to her was no more. Hiei would hate Raimeihi until the day one of them died, whether he was the one who did it or not, because if this one thing.


"I will never let that man touch you again," Hiei said. "No matter what the circumstances."


"If you say so," Shiroi said as she relaxed. "I'm sorry, I ruined everything."


"What makes you think I'm giving up?" Hiei asked. Then he said quickly, "Unless you don't want me to that is."


"You can," Shiroi answered softly, "but it may have to be like our first time, or I may break down again."


Hiei nodded, and kissed again.


4th Flashback:


Hiei held Shiroi in silence. (I'm about as inexperienced at this as she is,) he thought. (How am I supposed to help her through this if I don't even really know what I'm doing? Well, I guess I'll find out.) He tilted her head up towards him and kissed her.


Shiroi trusted him, and sat in his lap unmoving as he kissed her. She felt his hand move from her side to her breast, and could help but flinch at the almost foreign touch. He pulled his mouth away, but she said, "It's okay, really."


Hiei wasn't too sure, but listened anyway. He kissed her again, feeling her body shake a little more. He didn't know if he could do this, not if she seemed so scared. He continued to kiss her, feeling her tremble more and more with each one.


Suddenly he stopped, "Shiroi I can't do this to you." She didn't say anything, just sat there and looked at him. "I can't do this, not if it scares you the way it does. I'm sorry."


Shiroi looked at the floor, and then got up. He sighed at let her go, feeling worthless. He sat there for a few minutes in silence, and then he heard Shiroi come back.


He turned to look at her, saying, "Shiroi, I don't-," but stopped. She was dressed in only a bathrobe, made out of what he couldn't tell. She sat down next to him, her eyes unreadable.


"Hiei, I know you don't want to scare me, but I don't want to fear this when so many others say such good things about it. I wouldn't mind a family later either, and I can't fear this if I want a child."


He wanted to argue, to tell her that she shouldn't, but his mouth and voice wouldn't work. He gulped, and then pulled of his shirt, suddenly hot.


Shiroi looked him over without him noticing. He had a few scars, but not nearly as many as she. She was still nervous, but she could see worry in Hiei's eyes. (I wish he wouldn't worry,) Shiroi thought. She reached to him.


Hiei noticed her reaching out and took her hand. Her hand was cool in his, but her palm wasn't clammy when he kissed it. He kissed her fingers up to her fingertips, and then pulled her hand away and clasped it in both of his hands.


Shiroi has been slightly surprised from the kisses. His lips were hot, almost burning, and right away she knew there was no turning back at this point. His kisses had sent waves of heat up her arm and through her body, and now she felt like taking of her robe, but the thought of being bare in front of him made her blush.


She knew it would make Hiei feel bad, but she pulled her hand away from him and turned around. She didn't hear anything from him as she undid her robe. She slipped her right arm out of its sleeve and held her robe closed with that hand, her arm still hidden inside her robe. She stood up and turned around to face him, her stomach was doing summersaults.


"Shiroi?" Hiei asked, not quite certain on what she was about to do.


Shiroi let out a breath, and then release her hold on her robe and let it fall to the floor.


Hiei had not been expecting that, and when his eyes first glimpsed her bare body, he felt himself completely aroused. He wanted to advert his eyes, but he was frozen how he sat, gazing at the woman's body. Finally he was able to blink and shook his head.


He got to his feet and approached her. Her gaze was at the floor, but when he reached out and touched her cheek, her head snapped up, her cheeks pink with slight embarrassment. He bent over and kissed her gently on the lips. "You being very brave," he whispered. "You're almost too much for me."


That got a small smile out of her, but then suddenly she wrapped her arms around his neck. Hiei was startled by this, and wasn't expecting the feeling of her bare body against his bare chest. His surprise only lasted a second, and then he wrapped his arms around her. He noted that her hair was still wound in a braid, and figured it was his turn to do something.


He got the end of the braid and undid the tie that held her hair braided. Shiroi's hair unwound itself on its own, becoming a shiny white sheet before his eyes. Her hair seemed more silver in the darkened room, but as he combed his fingers through it, he could plainly see it was whiter than anything he had ever seen.


He kissed her again, and then said, "You may want to advert your eyes for a second."


Shiroi turned her head closed her eyes. She could hear him fooling around with the fastenings of his pants, and when she heard the clothing hit the floor, she felt a blush creep up her cheeks. She felt his hand on her cheek again and opened her eyes and faced him, looking right into his eyes. She was afraid to look down, but her gaze slowly went downward until her eyes saw his erect shaft.


She gasped and looked away, blushing fiercely. Hiei couldn't really help but laugh at her reaction, and her blush deepened. "Hey, look at me," he took her chin in his fingers and turned her head to face him. "I'm not teasing you, you're being a perfectly innocent woman who's never done this before, willingly."


Her blush lightened, but it still remained. Shiroi felt very strange, an odd wanting mixed with heat. There was a throbbing between her legs, which was also strange to her. She suddenly wanted Hiei's hands on her, to feel his touch on her skin. She wanted something else, but she didn't know what it was or how to explain it. She wanted to say that to him, but her normal shyness overcame her, and she was unable to say anything.


Hiei seemed to want the same thing, but first he kissed her, experimenting. His tongue prodded at her lips, just lightly enough so she could feel it. To his surprise, her mouth opened, and he slipped his tongue inside her mouth.


He pulled away and heard her gasp. He didn't know what to do next. Shiroi seemed to be unable to speak, so he didn't know if what he was doing was too much for her or not. He decided to chance it and kissed her again, a little more deeper than he had just done.


Shiroi couldn't describe how she felt when Hiei kissed her that way. When he kissed her the second time, her legs gave out and she collapsed into his arms. He lowered her onto the blankets, still kissing her. When she was lying flat on the blankets, Hiei pulled away, both of them slightly gasping. "Say something," Hiei whispered, "Tell me I'm doing this right."


Shiroi was still breathing hard, but she managed to gasp, "I'm not afraid, not now that is." She wanted to ask him so many questions about what she was feeling, be she was embarrassed by it. Finally she summoned up enough courage and said, "Hiei, I feel like I want you to do something to me, but I don't know what."


(You have no idea how glad I am to hear that,) Hiei thought. He kissed her again, and several more times until he knew when he pulled away she would be too out of breath to speak. He took that opportunity to look at her body better.


She had so many scars. Any other man would have been repulsed by it and would have rejected her. Hiei was repulsed, but he only felt sorry for her, for having to endure all the pain that caused these scars. The one he was looking for attracted his eyes immediately. It was the one made by Raimeihi's sword, the attack that should have been his, if Shiroi hadn't taken the hit for him.


He ran his fingers over the scar, wishing now that he had taken that hit instead of her. He looked up at Shiroi's face. She had caught most of her breath, but her eyes were closed and her head was turned to her right. He again wondered if he was doing the right thing, but Shiroi said she wanted to get rid of this fear, and he would do anything for her.


(Maybe I should try and take this a little farther,) he thought. He got up slightly, and then lowered himself on top of Shiroi.


The woman's eyes snapped open and she looked at him, slightly surprised. Before she could say anything, he pressed his mouth to hers, kissing her deeply. He slipped his hand behind her head, tangling his fingers into her silky soft hair.


Shiroi moaned as she felt his tongue in her mouth again. His other hand was on her shoulder, and it was hot. He lifted his mouth away and she gasped. She felt him kiss her neck and down, until she felt his hand on her breast. It was hotter than it had been on her shoulder, and she gasped when she suddenly felt him suckling her other breast.


Hiei felt like he almost couldn't restrain himself anymore, but he knew if he took her right away she would get scared. He thought he would he stretching it when he touched her breast and suckled the other one, but her only reaction was her gasp of surprise.


Finally he lifted himself up so he could look at her. Gasping, he whispered, "Shiroi?"


The woman was breathing almost as hard as he was. She looked up at him, her eyes barely open. Suddenly she whispered, "Take me."


Hiei almost lost all control at those words, but restrained himself just in time. He kissed her again, as passionate as he knew how. He clasped his left hand into her right one, twining his fingers with her own, and then slid his shaft into her body.


They both gasped when he entered her, surprised by the alien feeling.


"Your father never did this did he?" Hiei gasped.


"No," Shiroi answered breathlessly.


Hiei took a deep breath, and then withdrew part way, and pushed back in. He did it several more times, all slowly. Each time he did it, Shiroi would let out a moan of pleasure, a few times in unison with him.


After what seemed like hours, Hiei released his built up heat and collapsed on top of her, breathing hard. After lying there for a few minutes, he lifted himself up to look at Shiroi.


Her eyes were closed and she was still breathing deeply. Her eyes opened and a small smiled spread across her lips. "My father was wrong," she whispered.


Hiei smiled, "Yes he was," he said and kissed her softly. He disengaged himself from her and she turned to her side, and he lay down behind her. He still held her hand from earlier. He let go only for a moment so he could wrap his arms around her, and then he took her hand again, giving it a squeeze of affection.


End 4th Flashback:


Hiei held Shiroi close as he tried to catch his breath. He could feel her quick breathing under his hands, but he did not feel her trembling with fear. This lovemaking had been like their first one, but it had also had one difference. It was hard to determine the difference, but Hiei knew there had been something about this lovemaking that set it apart from their first one.


"This was different," Hiei managed to say. "I don't know what it was, but there was something about it that made it different."


Shiroi looked at him, "It's because the last time we did this, I was still scarred and damaged in ways that couldn't be seen. Now, since I was completely healed and revitalized by Emperor Enma, I'm not like that anymore. I was, to put it simply, a virgin again."


Hiei was surprised, "I didn't hurt you did I?"


Shiroi shrugged, "If there was pain, I didn't feel anything."


"Good," Hiei said as he released her momentarily and stretched. "If I had hurt you, I wouldn't do this to you ever again, no matter how appealing you are to me."


"Well you saved yourself from the vow of chastity," Shiroi said as she poked him in the chest.


"Mm," Hiei mumbled as wrapped his arms around her again. "Go to sleep woman, or we may end up doing this all night."


Shiroi giggled, and shifted herself until her back was to Hiei, but his arms were still around her. They both drifted off to sleep in their close embrace.


ooo


Author's Note: I never thought I would finish this thing. I've had parts of this fic all written out for a while, I just wasn't able to figure out some same parts and then how to put it all together. Well, review me and tell me what you think of my first adult fic. I'll be waiting.