Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Sensation ❯ Chapter 1

Staring at the ceiling above him a young man comtemplates whether he's alive or dead. As he grows colder and weaker he wonders about the need for sensation and his lack of it.

What is sensation? Is it a realm of black and white? Pain or pleasure, happiness or dispair. Is there no place in between where I might dwell? Some grey space in between…

Blood pooled from multiple wounds spilling onto white bedcovers spreading like the tide. A drying sheath of it laid on the bright glare of the dull razor. His body laid sprawled upon the bed, his eyes hooded and their bright blue clouded

What is my meaning? What is the meaning of my being here? Why do I exist and where am I going? I know my mind is wondering, but I can't bring myself to care. I've been stumbling lost since birth.

Fair skin fades to alabaster pallor as life drains inexorably away. Weary eyes are focused inward contemplating a broken heart barely beating. Unseen presences hovered closer awaiting the quiet end.

I seem to have finally gone too far, cut too-too deep. Yet I'm not afraid, I might even be happy. It's not as though I have any real ties to this plane. Everyone whom I truly love and who love in turn have gone ahead. Those still here are merely substitutes for those I've lost. And when I've disappeared those places I've filled will vanish as if they'd never been. Like I've never been and really I'm not here.

Footsteps in the hall, voices mummer outside the door. A yell and then another calling for his attention. Insults are yelled followed by worried questions. Frantic beating on the doors brings no reply. The voices begin again. The door is broken down whilst figures race into stanch bleeding to tend wounds. Too little, too late.

I can feel the others; they seem upset, it's really funny in a way. They never seemed to care before. Besides I'm much too far away to be brought back now. I wonder where I'll end up. Mother will I finally see you again? I doubt it- suicides go to hell, so I guess I'll be with father. But is this really suicide when all I wanted was to feel? Even pain is better than suffocating in numbness. If only to let you know you're alive. However I honestly can't say I didn't intend this happening, but then I honestly can't say all those hopeless fights weren't meant to do the same. Surrounded by the dead, emotionally dead myself tried of clinging to a life that isn't meant for me… I'd be lying if I said I wasn't seeking death. Hn… Lo and behold I've found it and I've never felt better.

Blurs of white and green rush to insert countless cables and tubes, to contain a faltering pulse in a body that's given up. It's a losing battle he doesn't want to come back.

Hmm… I see so this is sensation, but it has nothing to do with being alive. The world is falling away from me along with all the bull I've had to endure. It's like a blindfold has fallen away. Oh…so bright everything so bright I'm blind. Be it heaven or hell I don't care as long as I'm flying.

Flying away-gone.

The monitor flat-lines and the doctor shakes his head. "I'm sorry to say but he's gone." One of the assembled group begins to cry. "The black haired youth sinks to the floor beside the abandoned body's hospital bed. Anger shines forth from warm brown eyes a washed in tears. "Dammit Kuwabara why couldn't you stay?! Why'd you have to leave me, leave us?!" A graceful, highly androgynous boy kneels beside the brunette. "It's alright Yuusuke we're here." The doctor apologized again, before leaving the group to it's grief. Stepping into the brightly lit hallway he closed the door quickly behind him. Leaning on the doorjamb he removed his glasses and ran a shaking hand through his tussled hair. He sighed heavily. `I hate having to do scenes like that. And he was just a kid…' He put his glasses back on and straightened up. He paused a second longer, turned and walked away.