Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ The Bashing Must Cease: Kuwabara's Revenge ❯ Part I ( Chapter 1 )
[ P - Pre-Teen ]
By: Jesscheaux 
First chapter, Kuwabara is sick and tired. What lengths will he go to to get revenge! Join him and Jessi as they unleash their plans.
Anime/Manga: Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Revenge Fic | Uploaded On: 06.22.2003 | Pages: 9 | Words: 6.5K | Visits: 562 | Status: Completed
First chapter, Kuwabara is sick and tired. What lengths will he go to to get revenge! Join him and Jessi as they unleash their plans.
Anime/Manga: Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Revenge Fic | Uploaded On: 06.22.2003 | Pages: 9 | Words: 6.5K | Visits: 562 | Status: Completed
The Bashing Must Cease: Kuwabara's Revenge
Written by: Jesscheaux
Disclaimer: I did not invent, nor do I own Yu Yu Hakusho or any of the characters. I don't own The Wizard of Oz either but I do own the character Jessi which is me :)
Author's notes: That's right folks, the revenge series continues with Kuwabara's Revenge! Thinking over the events that occurred at the Tokyo-dome, he's tired of being bashed by everyone (Except me, I LOVE YOU KUWABARA!!!) and he's out for revenge of his own. With the help of Koenma (Gee, Koenma is always helping everyone get revenge!) Kuwabara is ready for people to listen to him. What things could he have in store for the world? And the cast of Yu Yu Hakusho? FIND OUT NOW!
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"Urame shi, Urameshi, Urameshi, URAMESHI!" Kuwabara said and yelled as he clicked the mouse on his PC, "I can't believe that dumb stunt of his really worked. Who woulda guessed they'd actually listen." He mused with a shrug.
Kuwabara was referring to the legal and binding contracts and the "Oath of Yusuke" that Yusuke had forced millions of rabid Kurama and Hiei fangirls to sign and take, stating that they'd write more fanfiction about him. Unfortunately for Yusuke, the contracts didn't say what KIND of fics they had to be. Most of them ended being terrible fics where he was tortured, died again and of course Hiei and Kurama were always the heroes.
On this particular day, Kuwabara decided to go do more research on fanfiction.net to see if there were any decent fics about himself. "Hmm, Urameshi said they like bashing me...that better not be true!" he exclaimed as he found a fic with his name in the title.
Kuwabara started reading, most interested in a story that had his name in it and what he read was TOO TOO APPALLING for me to even write here. (A/N: As a total Kuwabara fanatic I refuse to participate in bashing him any more than the usual banter of the show which is done by his teammates or for comic relief.) Kuwabara's face reddened in anger and he pounded his fists on the computer desk, making the assorted knick-knacks adorning it rattle.
A small picture frame fell into his lap and he turned it over. It was a picture of him and Jessi. They had it taken on their first date. He smiled, remembering all the fun they had. And months later, the two were still together. (She makes me happier than Yukina ever did or could.) He thought (A/N: According to me, he was never going out with Yukina they were only friends and yes, I despise Yukina, however I think that she would make a cute couple with Kurama!) as he placed the picture frame back up on his desk where he could see it.
He bravely decided to try another fic and found MORE AND MORE AND MORE BASHING! Not to say that there aren't any good fics written about dear Kazuma, but the ones that he read on this fateful day, weren't the good ones.
Enraged, Kuwabara let out a yell of frustration and anger, "AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!"
"Kuwa-chan?!" the frantic voice of Jessi was heard from outside the door of his room and she burst in a few seconds later, having just made her way over to his house: "Kuwabara, what's wrong?" he was facing away from her staring at the computer screen with a hand held to his forehead. Jessi went up to him and put her arms around his neck in a small hug and kissed him on the cheek. Kuwabara instantly felt better and a small blush tinged his cheeks.
"Kazuma?" Jessi questioned again, "Is everything alright?"
He turned around to face her and let out a sigh, "Jessi, I've been reading fanfiction."
She nodded, "Yeah, I love fanfiction.net! I read it all the time too, what's wrong with it?"
"This..." he answered listlessly, pointing at the screen.
She released her hold on him and leaned in to read the selected fanfic. Seconds later, she covered her mouth and choked back a sob, which instantly turned to anger, "HOW DARE THEY! How dare they write such horrendous things about my Kuwabara..." she growled, clenching her fists.
The looks on their faces became twin as they seethed with rage. Kuwabara got up and started pacing with his hands behind his back. He continued in this fashion until he remembered something Hiei had done to help get his revenge on Yusuke. You could almost see the lightbulb light up above his head as he raised a hand in the air, "AHA!"
"Hmm?" Jessi looked over at her boyfriend, "Aha what?"
"I know just what to do to get revenge on all those bashers....Jessi! We're going to see Koenma!"
"Koenma, yay! He's so adorable."
Kuwabara glared at her, "Don't get any ideas."
"Hehe, don't you worry my Kuwa-chan, I'm hopelessly devoted to you." she said and her eyes glossed over.
Kuwabara grinned at her and took her hand as they left his house for the Reikai to see Lord Koenma.
* * *
"New personality? Sure! Pardon from hell? Why not! Transform into a demon? Sounds good to me!" STAMP! STAMP! STAMP! Lord Koenma placed his seal of approval on all three papers in his usual hurried way. He never really bothered to think about the consequences of his actions. "Boooorrrinnnggg..." Koenma drawled as he sat in his chair, arms folded, and pouted.
"George? Any appointments today?" he questioned his assistant.
"Why yes Koenma-sir!" the obediant Ogre answered.
"Who?"
"It appears to be...Botan?"
"Botan! I told her to stop bothering me about a raise! The budget is already tight as it is; I can't afford to pay her more! I mean, even with all the free labor from Yusuke and those buffoons, money is STILL scarce."
"Oooooohhh Koeeenmaaa!!!" Botan's fake British accent drawled outside the door as she rapped on it with her oar, "I'm here for our apoiiinnntmeeeeent!"
"Tell her to go away, I'm busy!" the toddler ordered.
"Bbbut Sir! I thought you were bored?"
"Not anymore! Now see that she doesn't bother me!" he exclaimed so loudly his pacifier almost fell out.
"Very well Sir."
"Back to relaxing."
"KOENMA! I KNOW YOU'RE NOT BUSY YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING LIAR!" Botan yelled as she stormed into the room, refusing the excuse that George gave her.
"I can'ttt heaaarrrr youuuu..." the Lord said back as he put his fingers in his ears, "LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!"
BONK!
A oar connected with 'young' Koenma's head, flattening his signature hat.
"BOTAAAAN!!!! That was my NEW HAT! It's coming out of your pay, do you hear me????"
"BBBBBUT Koenma-sir! I came to ask for a---"
"I know, a raise, and I said: FOR-GET IT!!!!"
The two would've continued on yelling at each other, but two frantic young people ran into Koenma's office at that moment. They stopped and panted, exhausted from their run.
"Gosh Jessi, I didn't think the Reikai was this far." Kuwabara said inbetween breaths.
"Yeah, I know! I wish I had one of those oar-thingies." Jessi answered.
"Hmm, it appears we have visitors." Captain Obvious, um I mean Koenma stated, "Hello Kuwabara, Jessi." he said nodding at them, "What brings you here today?"
"REVENGE!!!" Kuwabara yelled and pumped his fist in the air.
Koenma rolled his eyes, "Isn't that what it always is. First Yusuke, then Hiei, and now you guys. So what unfortunate demon, human, animal, mineral, vegetable, or whatever did you wrong that you needed to run here to get my help?"
"The human race." said Kuwabara, "The World! And Hiei, and Urameshi who isn't considered a member of the human race, ha ha."
"Ohhh here we go." Koenma sighed.
"Koenma," Jessi spoke up, "The world has done my beloved a great wrong. THEY BASH HIM IN FANFICTION!" anime tears poured from her eyes.
"Oh brother! Well, I suppose I could do you this one little favor, afterall--"
"AFTERALL," Kuwabara cut him off, "I've been doing free labor as a Spirit Detective for you for years!"
Koenma sweatdropped as his eyes became very small, "Ahem...so you noticed."
"HELLO!" Jessi yelled as she got up in Koenma's face, "Do you think Kuwabara is DUMB or something?! He's the smartest person I know, and so sweet and charming and handsome too!" she defended him.
Kuwabara was blushing like a madman at all the compliments.
"Whoa whoa now, Jessi, I didn't mean to imply that." Koenma defended, putting his hands up.
"So you'll help us?" asked Kazuma hopefully.
"Sure. Whatever you want, it's yours for a day."
Kuwabara rubbed his hands together in anticipation and an evillll grin crossed his visage, "COMPLETE CONTROL OF THE WORLD'S MEDIA!!!"
And evil laughter ensued.
* * *
SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! Koenma's head slammed down on the sound board in front of him repeatedly as he couldn't believe he was doing this. Kuwabara had chosen the Tokyo-dome (SURPRISE SURPRISE!) for his broadcast location. George the Ogre had been appointed camera man yet again while Koenma reluctantly ran the sound board.
Jessi and Kuwabara were decorating the set and setting up the things that they were using for the broadcast. Kuwabara went and changed into his sparkly blue outfit and Jessi into her sparkly purple one, complete with a purple bow.
Loud meowing was heard from backstage and Kazuma shrieked, "Eikichi! Come to daddy!" and the kitten hopped up in his lap and purred as he petted her. "Awwwww you're so sweet! Daddy's doing a show today and you're going to be in it, aren't you excited?" He asked her as he held her up.
"Meow!" was Eikichi's response.
"Who's a little cutie? You are! You are!" he cooed back as he snuggled Eikichi.
"Kuwabara!" Jessi exclaimed, "It's almost time!"
"Oh yeah! I can't wait!" he answered as he put Eikichi back down.
"Me either, this is going to rock!"
Koenma sighed, "Ok people, we're on in 5, 4, 3, 2....1!" he yanked down on a large handle and a you could actually HEAR the entire world's media now focusing on the Tokyo-dome. Kuwabara and Jessi were seated at a desk like reporters on a news show and they flashed grins at their new audience.
"Welcome world, to KAZUMA KUWABARA DAY on your television, radio, computer, movie screen and every other type of media you can think of! That's right, today it'll be all Kuwabara....ALL THE TIME! And I'm your host, Kuwabara!"
"GOOOOOOO KUWABARA!" Jessi cheered as she held up some japanese fans out of nowhere and waved them around.
"And this is my lovely co-host, Jessi." he said, pointing at her, "First, we'll be talking about the Reikai Tantei, also known as The Spirit Detectives, of which I am a member. Let's go to the slide-show shall we?" He stood up and pulled down a white screen then got one of those pointers that are used for presentations out.
(A/N: What you are about to read will have bashing of the main characters, but not so much as for you to want to kill me. I do love every member of the Reikai Tantei but especially Kuwabara! And knowing that this is his revenge, you must understand that he would want to exploit them in any way possible and that is part of the point of this fic. Please no flames, this is only for amusement and as you all know, Kuwabara gets bashed WAAAAAY too much and we need more fics about him so here is one!)
He nodded to George, "The first member I'd like to talk about is Yusuke Urameshi." (A/N: OMG, that's the first time Kuwabara has EVER said 'Yusuke'!) a picture of the green-clad boy appeared on the screen, he was growling and had his fists clenched.
"As you can see," Kuwabara continued, "Urameshi is a very angry person. He's ticked off around the clock and every time you turn around he's fighting with somebody! Urameshi actually came back from the dead for you guys that don't know, and I think that was mistake Numero Uno! Stupid punk, he shoulda stayed dead so I could rule all the turf and be toughest and strongest guy, OH YEAH! Besides that, Urameshi isn't so bad, but he does have an extreme weakness when it comes to his girlfriend Keiko."
Jessi covered her mouth in fake surprise, "Oops Kazuma! I think you just revealed Yusuke's greatest weakness!"
"Oh my gosh! You're right!" he said with a smirk, "Hear that Urameshi, you ARE weak HA HA HA!"
The picture flipped to Kurama, "And this is the second member I'd like to talk about, Kurama. But he doesn't only go by Kurama, oh no! His human name is 'Shuiichi Minamino'. That's right, Kurama's not actually human, but a DEMON in disguise! He was a great thief many hundreds of years ago who went by Youko Kurama. He got injured and was dying, so he placed his spirit inside of a human woman and was reborn, and is now masquerading as a REGULAR HUMAN!"
"What a terrible secret to keep hidden, guess it's not anymore!" Jessi interjected.
"Nope, now the whole WORLD knows! Another thing about Kurama, just look at him! This guy gives cross-dressing a whole new meaning! I mean, what is up with the rose-red hair and rose colored outfit? Speaking of roses, he uses one for a WEAPON which he transforms into a whip thingy. Kurama is often mistaken for a girl when he's not being chased by hordes of his rabid fangirls." Kuwabara finished his rant on Kurama.
The screen changed to a picture of Hiei, clad in black and holding out his katana (Kinda makes you wonder how he got these pics.)
"For the last member of the Spirit Detective team, I would like to present to you, Hiei! What a shrimp! What a shorty! What an absolutely hideous monster! Hiei is a fire demon with stupid attacks such as some kind of Dragon and Darkness flame thing that almost DESTROYED his right arm after he used it! Come on people, why would you want to be that stupid! Speaking of stupid, that MUST be Hiei's middle name. Reknowned as the jerk of the group, all Hiei does is show off and try to make his fellow team members have bad self-esteem! He feels the need to comment on every aspect of every little thing we do in his jerkish ways and I'm sick of it! And what's with that third eye? Can you say Freakkkkkkyyy???"
"Freaaaaakkky!!!" Jessi agreed.
"You people think I'M ugly? Well, just take one look at Hiei in his full demon form and you'll be scarred for life! And another thing, does he think that black is the only color that exists? News flash Hiei: BLACK ISN'T A COLOR! See, contrary to what you all think, I'M SMART NOT DUMB! Who's the smart one now, Hiei? Huh huh huh? I'M THE ONE CONTROLLING THE MEDIA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! By the way, want Hiei to be your slave forever? His only known weakness is what he likes to call 'sweet snow' which we NORMAL people call 'ice cream'. Bribe him with it and you can make him do almost anything."
"*gasp* Another weakness revealed, aren't we a little loose in the tongue today?" Jessi said in her fake horror voice.
"Well whatta ya know, you're right there! Oh well, can't take it back now! This concludes our session on the Spirit Detectives. Please stay tuned we'll be right back after these messages. AS IF YOU HAVE A CHOICE ANYWAY HA HA HA HA!" Kuwabara said evilly and did a peace sign as the camera stopped running for the moment.
Jessi high-fived him, "That was so awesome! I can't wait for what's next!"
"Oh yeah babe, it's gonna be great!"
But then a voice came from behind them. Make that three voices: "AHEM!"
Kuwabara turned rapidly to see Hiei, Kurama, and Yusuke glaring at him and tapping their feet, arms folded.
"Uh hey guys! You're just in time to help me with my show."
"We're not helping you, we're DESTROYING YOU!" Hiei yelled and took a step forward.
"Ah ah ah there, Shorty!" Kuwabara held out a tub of chocolate ice cream.
"Sweet snow...." Hiei trailed off and started drooling.
"That's right, I have you now!"
Yusuke spoke up just then, "KUWABARA YOU JERK! Why did you say all that stuff about us?!"
"BECAUSE URAMESHI! It's to get you back for all the bad things you said about me and did to me SO THERE!"
"Well I'm not gonna let this madness continue ya HEAR ME?!" he threatened.
"Oh really? Jessi!"
Kuwabara's girlfriend immediately pulled back a curtain showing Keiko bound and gagged in a chair.
"YOU!!!!!!!!!!" Yusuke lunged at his supposed 'best friend'.
"I don't think so!" Kuwabara held up three identical documents, except for the names printed on them, "These things give me complete control over you for today! NOW GET BACK THERE AND DO AS I SAY OR NO SWEET SNOW AND I'LL TORTURE KEIKO!"
"And what do you plan to do with me?" a miffed Kurama asked, almost forgotten in the frenzy.
"Well, girly-man! I have your human mother here!"
Jessi pulled back another curtain and Kurama's mother was tied up and gagged too.
"Fine..." Kurama said grudgingly.
"Your scripts are in the back along with all the costumes. You can untie Keiko, but don't try anything funny!"
"SCRIPTS?!" Yusuke screeched, "WHAT FOR!"
"For the play you're all going to do, Teapot-Freakboy!"
"Don't. Call. Me. THAT!!!"
"I don't do plays." Hiei stated.
"Now you do." Kuwabara said holding up the papers and the sweet snow once more, "As you can see...I GOT THE POWER, YEAH!" Kuwabara half sang, half exclaimed, feeling much like Jim Carrey in the movie 'Bruce Almighty'.
"Yes, master." Yusuke spat sarcastically.
"Oh yeah," Kuwabara added, "Botan, Shizuru, and GenKai should be joining you soon. Make sure you know your parts! Your name is on your script with all your lines highlighted."
"Gee thanks." Yusuke replied and went to untie Keiko as the rest of them went backstage.
"I ROCK, I ROLL, I'M OUTTA CONTROL!" Kuwabara yelled with glee thinking of how funny the play was going to be.
"AW YEAH, NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT!" Jessi agreed as she high-fived Kuwabara again.
"HEY! STOP CELEBRATING!" Koenma chastised, "We're about to go back on the air! In 5, 4, 3, 2..."
"And we're back!" Kuwabara announced with another broad grin, "Thanks so much for staying tuned to your FAVORITE channel *snicker snicker* Not like you could actually change it!" he and Jessi doubled over in laughter.
"And next up," Jessi continued, "We're having our segment on "Happy Cats" everyone's favorite animals! Kuwabara's favorite anyway, and isn't that really what matters? *wink*"
"Why yes it is, Jessi! You're a fan of cats too, right?"
"Of course I am! I happen to have the pleasure of having a cat at home. She's so fuzzy and sweeeeeet! And she purrs for her Auntie Jessica!"
"Jessica...such a pretty name." Kuwabara said dreamily, "I love it when you use your real name..."
"Oh Kuwabara...that is so sweet..." Jessi looked over at him and they made eyes at each other and were leaning in to kiss, when Koenma cleared his throat loudly.
"THE SHOW!" he screamed at the lovebirds, "REMEMBER THE SHOW!"
Jessi pulled back and started whistling and Kuwabara put a hand behind his head and sweatdropped, "AH YES! Back to our segment on cats!"
"Did I tell you how much I adore cats, darling?" Jessi questioned.
"Yes Jessica...but why don't you tell me again." Kuwabara said sweetly.
"Kazuma, you called me by my real name *blush* " she reached out and grabbed his hand and held it tightly in hers.
"You called me by mine too." he looked at her affectionately.
Koenma saw where this was going and decided to intervene before things got out of hand.
All of a sudden Koenma jumped in front of the camera and waved at the audience, "Why hello everyone! I am the great Lord Koenma! This show is being brought to you courtesy of ME and Koenma brand Strawberry rice balls! That's right folks, your favorite snack comes straight from the Spirit World in these nifty snack-size packages!"
Koenma held up a pack of his brand Strawberry rice balls for demonstration, "Whether you're eating them for breakfast, lunch, dinner, tea, dessert or just for no reason at all! Koenma brand rice balls are sure to satisfy! They're at your local grocery store so don't forget to pick some up today!" Streamers flew down around Koenma as he did a peace sign at the audience and then left the stage.
Kuwabara and Jessi were both MAJORLY sweatdropping.
"OMG, Kuwa! I didn't know he was making MONEY off of this!" Jessi whispered to Kuwabara behind her hand.
He leaned over, "Yeah, I'll bet the toddler put a subliminal message out too when he was saying all that! Can you believe he STILL doesn't pay the Spirit Detectives or give Botan a raise?"
"Geez, that's so mean."
WHAM!
"DON'T CALL ME A TODDLER!!!!" the enraged Koenma had heard every iota of their conversation, and Kazuma and Jessica now each sported a large lump on their head.
"Yes sir..." they said in unison and fell over in their chairs.
Seconds later, they were seated with not a hair out of place and Kuwabara began announcing again, "Uhh...thanks Koenma for that brief informercial. It was....interesting. And now it's time forrrr..."
"How to have a happy cat!" Jessi finished.
"That's right, my darling! We're going to bring out my very own cat, Eikichi, onto the show. Eikichi, COME ON DOWN!"
The curtains parted and a small brown black and white cat walked out and then jumped up on the desk next to Kuwabara.
"Awwww who's Daddy's wittle baby!!!! Eikichi is, oh yes yes she is!" He snuggled her and petted her, "Listen to that cutttey cute cute little purr! So so sweeeet!"
"Fuzzy wuzzy wittle sweetums!" Jessi joined in, "So cuuuute and fuzzy and precious and adorable! She's a good wittle kitty cat, huh Kuwa?"
"Yes she is! Yes she is! Come give Daddy a little kiss, Eikichi!"
Koenma slapped a hand on his forehead and let it slide down his face, "I am NEVER helping any one of these guys get revenge EVER again!" he said to himself and made a motion with his hands for them to 'wrap it up'
"Wrap it up?!" Kuwabara exclaimed, "But I'm just getting started!"
"DO IT OR I CANCEL YOUR STUPID SHOW!" he yelled back and dragged his index finger across his throat as if to demonstrate what would happen to the show if he didn't comply.
"Ok ok, fine! Well, as you can see folks, all it takes is a whole lot of love and caring to..."
"Have a happy cat!" Jessi finished.
Eikichi meowed sweetly and both of them said, "Awwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!" and clasped their hands together.
"We'll be back after these messages!" Kuwabara said and they switched off once more.
"Knuckle-heads!" Koenma yelled as he came up behind them and bonked their heads together. Jessi and Kuwabara had swirly eyes for the next few seconds as Koenma proceeded to chew them out, "Public displays of affection for the world to see! You almost messed the whole thing up! And that adoring the cat was WWWAAAAY OVER THE LINE!"
"Oh shut up Koenma!" Kuwabara retaliated.
"Yeah!" Jessi agreed, "You're just jealous because you're not in love like we are, right Kuwa?" she said making, googly eyes at him again.
"MmmHmm.." he nodded and clasped her hands in his, "Botan won't give him the time of day except to yell at him."
They stared at each other lovingly for the next few seconds when a sharp-toothed Koenma loomed over them and smashed them over the heads once again.
"I DON'T EVEN LIKE BOTAN!!! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! ME JEALOUS? THAT'S A GOOD ONE!"
"My head...." Jessi whined.
"AH! Speaking of Botan, the others and her should be ready to put on that play! Remember your part, honey?"
"Of course I do, sweetie!"
"And what about you tod--Koenma?"
"Yeah yeah. Let's get this over with *huff*"
The trio walked backstage to find everyone in their costumes, studying scripts and looking EXTREMELY mad and uncomfortable.
"Kazuma!" yelled Shizuru at her brother, "Why do I have to be the bad guy?!"
"Because....you fit the part?" he answered with a question.
"Idiot! I know some people like to call me a witch, but this is taking it a step too far!"
A gutteral growl came from Hiei as he stepped into the light wearing the most ridiculous costume, "What the hell is this, "Wizard of Yu Yu Hakusho"? It's the most ridiculous thing I have EVER seen."
"Wow Hiei, hehe, you look GREAT in that outfit, it's just PERFECT for you." Kuwabara said with a thumbs up.
"Come closer and say that, moron..." Hiei the COWARDLY LION sneered at our hero from behind the fuzzy ears, nose, and whiskers.
"HA HA HA!"
"The Wizard of Yu Yu Hakusho, hmm." Botan mused, "Kuwabara! You ripped this off of American television, didn't you?"
"Yep! I made up my OWN version and it's alot better too!"
"Yeah, it's awesome, Kuwabara is the Great and Powerful wizard!" Jessi agreed.
"Great and Powerful NOTHING!" Yusuke piped up as he stepped out in his Scarecrow costume, "These lines are so retarded, I am NOT saying that!"
"Well, if they're retarded then they're PERFECT! I wrote that part ESPECIALLY for you, Urameshi." Kuwabara answered.
"I figured. I am SO getting you back for this!"
"OH NO YOU'RE NOT!" Teen Koenma stepped in the middle of the group and made his announcement, "I am not helping ANY of you buffoons get revenge on ANYONE EVER AGAIN! And especially not each other! You'd better put a stop to this revenge madness or else!"
"Or else what?" Yusuke asked.
"Or else I won't pa--oh wait, I don't do that anyway...Well let's see, or else I WON'T LET YOU HAVE ANY OF MY STRAWBERRY RICE BALLS!"
"Oooohhhh what a big loss, gee I'm crushed." Yusuke snorted.
"Seriously, Koenma." Kurama spoke up for the first time in awhile, "Do you actually think that will stop them?" Kurama was playing the part of the tin man and was wearing a funnel on top of his head.
"I guess not..." Koenma whined and folded his arms.
"ALRIGHT! Enough talking! I'm ready to get this show on the road!" Kuwabara said excitedly, "Places!!!!"
"Never..." Hiei growled and stormed up to Kuwabara, "I will NOT succomb to this idiod---sweeeett snoooowwww."
Kuwabara was holding the tub in front of him once again, "And there's plenty more where that came from! Just be a good little shorty and play your part, then you can have a whole FREEZER's worth of sweet snow."
Hiei nodded mutely and went to take his place.
Kuwabara and Jessi returned to the stage for a moment.
"Welcome back everyone and today I'm very proud to make this special presentation of 'THE WIZARD OF YU YU HAKUSHO'!" Kuwabara shouted.
"All of your favorite Spirit Detectives are starring in it, so sit back and watch the greatest remake of this old classic of ALL TIME!" Jessi finished off and the curtains parted.
(A/N: I will be taking artistic license here and making it shorter than the actual movie.)
Keiko was shown wearing a white and blue gingham dress with a white shirt underneath and holding a picnic basket. Eikichi was walking beside her as she picked strawberries.
"My my Eikichi, isn't it a lovely day?" she asked the cat.
Suddenly a woman wearing an all black dress rode by on a bicycle cackling wildly and knocked the basket out of Keiko's hand.
"Oh no! That was mean old Ms. Shizuru...*sniff* Now I have no strawberries to bring to my Auntie GenKai!"
Speaking of the devil...'Auntie GenKai' ran out of the rickety white house just then and yelled to Keiko. "Keiko! Keiko! A storm is coming! A Tornado! Hurry, we need to get down to the cellar!"
"Yes Auntie GenKai, let me get Eikichi! Eikichi?" she turned around to look for her cat but she was nowhere to be found, "Oh no Auntie GenKai! I think she strayed into the house, I have to go back and get her! Go without me! I'll be there in a second!"
The wind around them picked up and started to howl menacingly and the sky darkened, "Hurry child! The storm's almost here!"
"I will Auntie GenKai! I will!" Keiko yelled and ran inside the house calling for her cat, "Eikichi!!! Eikichi!!!"
"Meow?" the sound came from Keiko's bedroom and she rushed in a scooped her up in a hug.
"Oh Eikichi, never leave me again! Hurry we have to go Ouuuuttttsiiiddde!!!!!" she shrieked as the house rocked around her and the foundation was lifted off of ground. The house spun up into the air each second more rapidly.
Keiko shrieked and hugged her cat tightly, "We're in the tornado!!!"
Various objects were seen floating by, including the Toguro brothers in a rocking chair and Evil Shizuru on her bike.
Keiko squeezed her eyes shut and waited for the house to land again.
THUD!
She blinked a few times and then went to open the door with Eikichi following close behind.
Creeeaakkkkk....the door opened slowly to reveal a brightly techicolored world and Keiko gasped.
"Eikichi, I don't think we're in Japan anymore."
"Meow."
She looked over to her right and gasped as she saw a pair of striped leggings with bright-red sparkly shoes attached.
"My they're pretty." she reached over and pulled them off and a little boy and girl ran up to her. (Think the boy Yusuke saved in the first episode and the little girl who's soul was stolen with the Orb of Baast.)
"You killed her!" the boy said happily.
"You ean old witch!" the girl chimed in and they sang:
"Ding dong the witch is dead! Which old witch? The Wicked witch! Ding dong the wicked witch is deeeeaaaad because this nice lady fell on her heaaaaddd!"
"Thank you so much!" the young boy crooned and handed Keiko a large lollipop, "I represent the Lollipop Guild."
"And I'm from the Lullaby League." the girl said and handed Keiko a small bouquet of flowers.
"Thank you, I don't know what to say, except: Where am I?"
WHOOSSH!!!
Botan flew down on her oar wearing an even more pink version of her usual kimono and she also had a sparkly crown atop her head and was holding an equally sparkly scepter.
"Are you a good witch or a bad witch?" Botan asked the confused Keiko.
"Witch? I'm not a witch at all! I'm just a little girl!"
"Oh my! A visitor. Welcome to Yu Yu Hakusho, I'm Botan."
"Yu Yu Hakusho?"
"Why yes, and you've killed the Wicked Witch of the East, we are very greatful! You must wear her shoes to gain her power."
Keiko looked down to see the shoes already on her feet, "How did that--"
"Don't ask questions, deary. Now you must take her place!"
"Take her place? But I DON'T WANT TO!!! I JUST WANNA GO HOOOOME TO MY AUNTIE GENKAI!" the forlorn Keiko sobbed and hugged Eikichi.
"Oh there there, poor dear. I know a way you can get home!"
"Really?"
But Botan couldn't answer her just then, for in a puff of smoke an evil looking Shizuru with green makeup and a tall pointy witch's hat, arrived on the scene. "Thhheeeeeree you are!" she pointed at Keiko with an extremely long and fake fingernail, "Youuuu killled my sister! Youuuu killed her!"
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!" Keiko whimpered.
"You're lying little girl, you took her shoes...GIVE THEM TO ME!!!! I Neeeeeed that power!"
"No indeed, Shizuru!" Botan spoke up, "These shoes are Keiko's now, SO BE GONE WITH YOU!"
"AAARGH! I'll be back, be assured of that! I'll get you my pretty and your little CAT too!" Shizuru said and in another puff of smoke she was gone.
"Goodness!" Keiko exclaimed, "She scared me!"
"Ah yes, that's only The Wicked Witch of the West, Shizuru."
"You were saying something about how I could get home?"
"Oh but of course! You MUST go see the Great and Powerful Kazuma Kuwabara! He will be able to help you get home."
"Oh thank you, Botan, but how do I find him?"
"Simple! Follow the yellow brick road." she guestured to the road before her.
"Follow the yellow brick road?" Keiko asked.
"FOLLOW THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD!" the two brats...er children yelled to her.
"Follow the yellow brick road! Follow the yellow brick road! Follow the follow the follow the follow the---"
"OK I GET THE PICTURE!!!" Keiko screamed, stopping the others from singing.
"Goodbye Keiko, good luck!" Botan yelled as she flew away on her oar.
Keiko walked on the yellow brick road for about a mile when she came to a crossroads.
"Oh no! Which way should I go?"
"That way!" a voice came at her.
"What? Who's there?"
"Or you could go that way!" it said again.
"OMG, the scarecrow! IT MOVED!"
Yusuke was perched on a wooden pole all dolled up like a scarecrow with the stupid hat and straw everywhere.
"YEEPPP!" Yusuke the scarecrow agreed and then jumped down off the stick he was on.
"EEEEKKKK YOU'RE ALIVE!!!"
"Of course I am silly girl! But the only thing I don't have is a brain."
"You don't have a brain?"
"Nope, I'm just nothing but a big nit-wit where the lights are never on upstairs." he tapped his head, "Nothin' in my noggin! Hee hee!"
"That's terrible!" Keiko exclaimed.
"No it isn't! I like being stupid!" Yusuke was cursing Kuwabara in his mind the whole time.
"That's it, you're coming with me to see Kazuma Kuwabara!"
"Wow, the GREAT and POWERFUL Kazuma Kuwabara?"
"Why yes!"
"I've ALWAAAYS wanted to meet him!" he said sarcastically.
"You need to, you really really need a brain."
"No I don't."
"YES YOU DO NOW COME ON!" SLAP! Keiko slapped Scarecrow Yusuke and dragged him along down the yellow brick road.
They were passing an apple orchard and Keiko reached up to grab an apple when something shiny caught her eye.
"H-YUCK H-YUCK!" Scarecrow Yusuke hung from the branches of a tree like a monkey.
"Scarecrow Yusuke!" Keiko exclaimed, "What is that over there?!"
"I don't seeee nothin'."
"That's because it's in the other direction, moron!"
"Oh yeah!" he turned around to see Kurama dressed in silver with something that looked like a barrel over his chest and a funnel on his head.
"Rrr rrr!" the forlorn Kurama tried to say.
"He needs our help!" Keiko ran over and listened to what he was saying:
"Rroos Roos!"
"It sounds like he's saying 'rose'!"
"Looky!" Scarecrow Yusuke said, "There's a rose right there next to him!"
Keiko picked it up and brought it to Kurama's nose and he breathed in the smell and was set free.
"Oh thank you so much!" Kurama said as he took the rose from Keiko and placed it behind his ear, "I froze without my rose." (A/N: Kurama is a poet and he doesn't even know it! WA HA HA SO CLICHE!)
"Glad to help!" said Keiko.
"Hey, why don't I do a little dance?" Kurama suggested.
"Huh? Why would you do that?" Scarecrow Yusuke asked.
"Because! I want to look like an idiot! And to prove that I have no heart *sniffle* I am nothing but a cold hard Tin-Kurama."
"You don't have a heart?" Keiko inquired.
"No...sadly I am made of tin." BANG BANG! He whacked his chest and it made a hollow sound, "I want to feel what it is like to love, but there is no hope for me without a heart."
"I know! You can come with us!"
"Where are you going?"
"To see the Great and Powerful Kazuma Kuwabara! He can give you a heart!"
"Realllllly?" Tin-Kurama said hopefully.
"Yes! Let's go!"
And so Keiko, Eikichi, Scarecrow Yusuke, and Tin-Kurama started down the yellow brick road again.
They reached a part that had hills and more forest when a growling sound was heard from nearby:
"GGGRRRA! GRRRRRA!"
"Oh no! What's that?!" Keiko shrieked and grabbed Scarecrow Yusuke in a hug.
"GRRRRRRRR! I am the Lion AND KING OF DA FOREST!" Hiei said in a very uncharacteristic way as he pounced out of the shadows and in front of the group in a silly lion suit, complete with long tail. (I'm going to kill you Kuwabara.) he thought as he played his stupid part.
"Please don't hurt us!" pleaed Keiko.
"Oh, who I am kidding." said Cowardly Lion Hiei, "I couldn't hurt you if I tried, you see I'm a wimp! I'm so scared of everything, even my own shadow!"
"Wow, that must be awful!" Keiko exclaimed.
"Oh it is, day after day living in solitude and aloneness, not even brave enough to walk on the yellow brick road. I'm pathetic, stupid, ugly, and a terrible dresser! BOO HOO HOO there is NO HOPE FOR ME! WAAAAAAAAAH!!!!" Hiei forced his lines out thinking about all the sweet snow he would eat after the show.
"Oh you poor dear Cowardly Hiei! You should come with us!"
"You want me to come with you???"
"Yes! I know what will help you! You just need some courage! We're going to see the Great and POWERFUL Kazuma Kuwabara! He can give you courage!"
"WOW! I never imagined the day would come when I could meet the Great and Powerful Kazuma Kuwabara! This is the happiest day of my life!" Hiei almost bit his tongue off saying that, "He's so wise and good and the best at everything!"
"Yes he is!" Keiko agreed, "Now we must hurry! I'm terribly homesick and I wanna go home! *whine whine*"
The four linked arms just then and started dancing down the yellow brick road singing:
(Keep it in mind that Yu Yu Hakusho doesn't rhyme with anything ;)
"Weeeeee're off to see Kuwabara! Kazuma Kuwabara of Yu Yu Hakusho! We hear he is so great and powerful and everyone around the world must know! If ever a great Spirit Detective there was, Kazuma Kuwabara is one because...because because because because Becaaaaaauuuuseeee!!! Because he's the best and the strongest of us! La la la la la la la la LA LA!! (Hiei gags at those parts and Yusuke is really mad.) We're off to see Kuwabaraaa...Kazuma Kuwabara of Yu Yu Hakusho!"
CONTINUED IN THE NEXT CHAPTER!
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I really wanted to put the whole story in this one chapter, but the notepad ran out of room! So now it's in two chapters. This is my longest Revenge fic yet!
Written by: Jesscheaux
Disclaimer: I did not invent, nor do I own Yu Yu Hakusho or any of the characters. I don't own The Wizard of Oz either but I do own the character Jessi which is me :)
Author's notes: That's right folks, the revenge series continues with Kuwabara's Revenge! Thinking over the events that occurred at the Tokyo-dome, he's tired of being bashed by everyone (Except me, I LOVE YOU KUWABARA!!!) and he's out for revenge of his own. With the help of Koenma (Gee, Koenma is always helping everyone get revenge!) Kuwabara is ready for people to listen to him. What things could he have in store for the world? And the cast of Yu Yu Hakusho? FIND OUT NOW!
__________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________
"Urame shi, Urameshi, Urameshi, URAMESHI!" Kuwabara said and yelled as he clicked the mouse on his PC, "I can't believe that dumb stunt of his really worked. Who woulda guessed they'd actually listen." He mused with a shrug.
Kuwabara was referring to the legal and binding contracts and the "Oath of Yusuke" that Yusuke had forced millions of rabid Kurama and Hiei fangirls to sign and take, stating that they'd write more fanfiction about him. Unfortunately for Yusuke, the contracts didn't say what KIND of fics they had to be. Most of them ended being terrible fics where he was tortured, died again and of course Hiei and Kurama were always the heroes.
On this particular day, Kuwabara decided to go do more research on fanfiction.net to see if there were any decent fics about himself. "Hmm, Urameshi said they like bashing me...that better not be true!" he exclaimed as he found a fic with his name in the title.
Kuwabara started reading, most interested in a story that had his name in it and what he read was TOO TOO APPALLING for me to even write here. (A/N: As a total Kuwabara fanatic I refuse to participate in bashing him any more than the usual banter of the show which is done by his teammates or for comic relief.) Kuwabara's face reddened in anger and he pounded his fists on the computer desk, making the assorted knick-knacks adorning it rattle.
A small picture frame fell into his lap and he turned it over. It was a picture of him and Jessi. They had it taken on their first date. He smiled, remembering all the fun they had. And months later, the two were still together. (She makes me happier than Yukina ever did or could.) He thought (A/N: According to me, he was never going out with Yukina they were only friends and yes, I despise Yukina, however I think that she would make a cute couple with Kurama!) as he placed the picture frame back up on his desk where he could see it.
He bravely decided to try another fic and found MORE AND MORE AND MORE BASHING! Not to say that there aren't any good fics written about dear Kazuma, but the ones that he read on this fateful day, weren't the good ones.
Enraged, Kuwabara let out a yell of frustration and anger, "AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!"
"Kuwa-chan?!" the frantic voice of Jessi was heard from outside the door of his room and she burst in a few seconds later, having just made her way over to his house: "Kuwabara, what's wrong?" he was facing away from her staring at the computer screen with a hand held to his forehead. Jessi went up to him and put her arms around his neck in a small hug and kissed him on the cheek. Kuwabara instantly felt better and a small blush tinged his cheeks.
"Kazuma?" Jessi questioned again, "Is everything alright?"
He turned around to face her and let out a sigh, "Jessi, I've been reading fanfiction."
She nodded, "Yeah, I love fanfiction.net! I read it all the time too, what's wrong with it?"
"This..." he answered listlessly, pointing at the screen.
She released her hold on him and leaned in to read the selected fanfic. Seconds later, she covered her mouth and choked back a sob, which instantly turned to anger, "HOW DARE THEY! How dare they write such horrendous things about my Kuwabara..." she growled, clenching her fists.
The looks on their faces became twin as they seethed with rage. Kuwabara got up and started pacing with his hands behind his back. He continued in this fashion until he remembered something Hiei had done to help get his revenge on Yusuke. You could almost see the lightbulb light up above his head as he raised a hand in the air, "AHA!"
"Hmm?" Jessi looked over at her boyfriend, "Aha what?"
"I know just what to do to get revenge on all those bashers....Jessi! We're going to see Koenma!"
"Koenma, yay! He's so adorable."
Kuwabara glared at her, "Don't get any ideas."
"Hehe, don't you worry my Kuwa-chan, I'm hopelessly devoted to you." she said and her eyes glossed over.
Kuwabara grinned at her and took her hand as they left his house for the Reikai to see Lord Koenma.
* * *
"New personality? Sure! Pardon from hell? Why not! Transform into a demon? Sounds good to me!" STAMP! STAMP! STAMP! Lord Koenma placed his seal of approval on all three papers in his usual hurried way. He never really bothered to think about the consequences of his actions. "Boooorrrinnnggg..." Koenma drawled as he sat in his chair, arms folded, and pouted.
"George? Any appointments today?" he questioned his assistant.
"Why yes Koenma-sir!" the obediant Ogre answered.
"Who?"
"It appears to be...Botan?"
"Botan! I told her to stop bothering me about a raise! The budget is already tight as it is; I can't afford to pay her more! I mean, even with all the free labor from Yusuke and those buffoons, money is STILL scarce."
"Oooooohhh Koeeenmaaa!!!" Botan's fake British accent drawled outside the door as she rapped on it with her oar, "I'm here for our apoiiinnntmeeeeent!"
"Tell her to go away, I'm busy!" the toddler ordered.
"Bbbut Sir! I thought you were bored?"
"Not anymore! Now see that she doesn't bother me!" he exclaimed so loudly his pacifier almost fell out.
"Very well Sir."
"Back to relaxing."
"KOENMA! I KNOW YOU'RE NOT BUSY YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING LIAR!" Botan yelled as she stormed into the room, refusing the excuse that George gave her.
"I can'ttt heaaarrrr youuuu..." the Lord said back as he put his fingers in his ears, "LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!"
BONK!
A oar connected with 'young' Koenma's head, flattening his signature hat.
"BOTAAAAN!!!! That was my NEW HAT! It's coming out of your pay, do you hear me????"
"BBBBBUT Koenma-sir! I came to ask for a---"
"I know, a raise, and I said: FOR-GET IT!!!!"
The two would've continued on yelling at each other, but two frantic young people ran into Koenma's office at that moment. They stopped and panted, exhausted from their run.
"Gosh Jessi, I didn't think the Reikai was this far." Kuwabara said inbetween breaths.
"Yeah, I know! I wish I had one of those oar-thingies." Jessi answered.
"Hmm, it appears we have visitors." Captain Obvious, um I mean Koenma stated, "Hello Kuwabara, Jessi." he said nodding at them, "What brings you here today?"
"REVENGE!!!" Kuwabara yelled and pumped his fist in the air.
Koenma rolled his eyes, "Isn't that what it always is. First Yusuke, then Hiei, and now you guys. So what unfortunate demon, human, animal, mineral, vegetable, or whatever did you wrong that you needed to run here to get my help?"
"The human race." said Kuwabara, "The World! And Hiei, and Urameshi who isn't considered a member of the human race, ha ha."
"Ohhh here we go." Koenma sighed.
"Koenma," Jessi spoke up, "The world has done my beloved a great wrong. THEY BASH HIM IN FANFICTION!" anime tears poured from her eyes.
"Oh brother! Well, I suppose I could do you this one little favor, afterall--"
"AFTERALL," Kuwabara cut him off, "I've been doing free labor as a Spirit Detective for you for years!"
Koenma sweatdropped as his eyes became very small, "Ahem...so you noticed."
"HELLO!" Jessi yelled as she got up in Koenma's face, "Do you think Kuwabara is DUMB or something?! He's the smartest person I know, and so sweet and charming and handsome too!" she defended him.
Kuwabara was blushing like a madman at all the compliments.
"Whoa whoa now, Jessi, I didn't mean to imply that." Koenma defended, putting his hands up.
"So you'll help us?" asked Kazuma hopefully.
"Sure. Whatever you want, it's yours for a day."
Kuwabara rubbed his hands together in anticipation and an evillll grin crossed his visage, "COMPLETE CONTROL OF THE WORLD'S MEDIA!!!"
And evil laughter ensued.
* * *
SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! Koenma's head slammed down on the sound board in front of him repeatedly as he couldn't believe he was doing this. Kuwabara had chosen the Tokyo-dome (SURPRISE SURPRISE!) for his broadcast location. George the Ogre had been appointed camera man yet again while Koenma reluctantly ran the sound board.
Jessi and Kuwabara were decorating the set and setting up the things that they were using for the broadcast. Kuwabara went and changed into his sparkly blue outfit and Jessi into her sparkly purple one, complete with a purple bow.
Loud meowing was heard from backstage and Kazuma shrieked, "Eikichi! Come to daddy!" and the kitten hopped up in his lap and purred as he petted her. "Awwwww you're so sweet! Daddy's doing a show today and you're going to be in it, aren't you excited?" He asked her as he held her up.
"Meow!" was Eikichi's response.
"Who's a little cutie? You are! You are!" he cooed back as he snuggled Eikichi.
"Kuwabara!" Jessi exclaimed, "It's almost time!"
"Oh yeah! I can't wait!" he answered as he put Eikichi back down.
"Me either, this is going to rock!"
Koenma sighed, "Ok people, we're on in 5, 4, 3, 2....1!" he yanked down on a large handle and a you could actually HEAR the entire world's media now focusing on the Tokyo-dome. Kuwabara and Jessi were seated at a desk like reporters on a news show and they flashed grins at their new audience.
"Welcome world, to KAZUMA KUWABARA DAY on your television, radio, computer, movie screen and every other type of media you can think of! That's right, today it'll be all Kuwabara....ALL THE TIME! And I'm your host, Kuwabara!"
"GOOOOOOO KUWABARA!" Jessi cheered as she held up some japanese fans out of nowhere and waved them around.
"And this is my lovely co-host, Jessi." he said, pointing at her, "First, we'll be talking about the Reikai Tantei, also known as The Spirit Detectives, of which I am a member. Let's go to the slide-show shall we?" He stood up and pulled down a white screen then got one of those pointers that are used for presentations out.
(A/N: What you are about to read will have bashing of the main characters, but not so much as for you to want to kill me. I do love every member of the Reikai Tantei but especially Kuwabara! And knowing that this is his revenge, you must understand that he would want to exploit them in any way possible and that is part of the point of this fic. Please no flames, this is only for amusement and as you all know, Kuwabara gets bashed WAAAAAY too much and we need more fics about him so here is one!)
He nodded to George, "The first member I'd like to talk about is Yusuke Urameshi." (A/N: OMG, that's the first time Kuwabara has EVER said 'Yusuke'!) a picture of the green-clad boy appeared on the screen, he was growling and had his fists clenched.
"As you can see," Kuwabara continued, "Urameshi is a very angry person. He's ticked off around the clock and every time you turn around he's fighting with somebody! Urameshi actually came back from the dead for you guys that don't know, and I think that was mistake Numero Uno! Stupid punk, he shoulda stayed dead so I could rule all the turf and be toughest and strongest guy, OH YEAH! Besides that, Urameshi isn't so bad, but he does have an extreme weakness when it comes to his girlfriend Keiko."
Jessi covered her mouth in fake surprise, "Oops Kazuma! I think you just revealed Yusuke's greatest weakness!"
"Oh my gosh! You're right!" he said with a smirk, "Hear that Urameshi, you ARE weak HA HA HA!"
The picture flipped to Kurama, "And this is the second member I'd like to talk about, Kurama. But he doesn't only go by Kurama, oh no! His human name is 'Shuiichi Minamino'. That's right, Kurama's not actually human, but a DEMON in disguise! He was a great thief many hundreds of years ago who went by Youko Kurama. He got injured and was dying, so he placed his spirit inside of a human woman and was reborn, and is now masquerading as a REGULAR HUMAN!"
"What a terrible secret to keep hidden, guess it's not anymore!" Jessi interjected.
"Nope, now the whole WORLD knows! Another thing about Kurama, just look at him! This guy gives cross-dressing a whole new meaning! I mean, what is up with the rose-red hair and rose colored outfit? Speaking of roses, he uses one for a WEAPON which he transforms into a whip thingy. Kurama is often mistaken for a girl when he's not being chased by hordes of his rabid fangirls." Kuwabara finished his rant on Kurama.
The screen changed to a picture of Hiei, clad in black and holding out his katana (Kinda makes you wonder how he got these pics.)
"For the last member of the Spirit Detective team, I would like to present to you, Hiei! What a shrimp! What a shorty! What an absolutely hideous monster! Hiei is a fire demon with stupid attacks such as some kind of Dragon and Darkness flame thing that almost DESTROYED his right arm after he used it! Come on people, why would you want to be that stupid! Speaking of stupid, that MUST be Hiei's middle name. Reknowned as the jerk of the group, all Hiei does is show off and try to make his fellow team members have bad self-esteem! He feels the need to comment on every aspect of every little thing we do in his jerkish ways and I'm sick of it! And what's with that third eye? Can you say Freakkkkkkyyy???"
"Freaaaaakkky!!!" Jessi agreed.
"You people think I'M ugly? Well, just take one look at Hiei in his full demon form and you'll be scarred for life! And another thing, does he think that black is the only color that exists? News flash Hiei: BLACK ISN'T A COLOR! See, contrary to what you all think, I'M SMART NOT DUMB! Who's the smart one now, Hiei? Huh huh huh? I'M THE ONE CONTROLLING THE MEDIA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! By the way, want Hiei to be your slave forever? His only known weakness is what he likes to call 'sweet snow' which we NORMAL people call 'ice cream'. Bribe him with it and you can make him do almost anything."
"*gasp* Another weakness revealed, aren't we a little loose in the tongue today?" Jessi said in her fake horror voice.
"Well whatta ya know, you're right there! Oh well, can't take it back now! This concludes our session on the Spirit Detectives. Please stay tuned we'll be right back after these messages. AS IF YOU HAVE A CHOICE ANYWAY HA HA HA HA!" Kuwabara said evilly and did a peace sign as the camera stopped running for the moment.
Jessi high-fived him, "That was so awesome! I can't wait for what's next!"
"Oh yeah babe, it's gonna be great!"
But then a voice came from behind them. Make that three voices: "AHEM!"
Kuwabara turned rapidly to see Hiei, Kurama, and Yusuke glaring at him and tapping their feet, arms folded.
"Uh hey guys! You're just in time to help me with my show."
"We're not helping you, we're DESTROYING YOU!" Hiei yelled and took a step forward.
"Ah ah ah there, Shorty!" Kuwabara held out a tub of chocolate ice cream.
"Sweet snow...." Hiei trailed off and started drooling.
"That's right, I have you now!"
Yusuke spoke up just then, "KUWABARA YOU JERK! Why did you say all that stuff about us?!"
"BECAUSE URAMESHI! It's to get you back for all the bad things you said about me and did to me SO THERE!"
"Well I'm not gonna let this madness continue ya HEAR ME?!" he threatened.
"Oh really? Jessi!"
Kuwabara's girlfriend immediately pulled back a curtain showing Keiko bound and gagged in a chair.
"YOU!!!!!!!!!!" Yusuke lunged at his supposed 'best friend'.
"I don't think so!" Kuwabara held up three identical documents, except for the names printed on them, "These things give me complete control over you for today! NOW GET BACK THERE AND DO AS I SAY OR NO SWEET SNOW AND I'LL TORTURE KEIKO!"
"And what do you plan to do with me?" a miffed Kurama asked, almost forgotten in the frenzy.
"Well, girly-man! I have your human mother here!"
Jessi pulled back another curtain and Kurama's mother was tied up and gagged too.
"Fine..." Kurama said grudgingly.
"Your scripts are in the back along with all the costumes. You can untie Keiko, but don't try anything funny!"
"SCRIPTS?!" Yusuke screeched, "WHAT FOR!"
"For the play you're all going to do, Teapot-Freakboy!"
"Don't. Call. Me. THAT!!!"
"I don't do plays." Hiei stated.
"Now you do." Kuwabara said holding up the papers and the sweet snow once more, "As you can see...I GOT THE POWER, YEAH!" Kuwabara half sang, half exclaimed, feeling much like Jim Carrey in the movie 'Bruce Almighty'.
"Yes, master." Yusuke spat sarcastically.
"Oh yeah," Kuwabara added, "Botan, Shizuru, and GenKai should be joining you soon. Make sure you know your parts! Your name is on your script with all your lines highlighted."
"Gee thanks." Yusuke replied and went to untie Keiko as the rest of them went backstage.
"I ROCK, I ROLL, I'M OUTTA CONTROL!" Kuwabara yelled with glee thinking of how funny the play was going to be.
"AW YEAH, NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT!" Jessi agreed as she high-fived Kuwabara again.
"HEY! STOP CELEBRATING!" Koenma chastised, "We're about to go back on the air! In 5, 4, 3, 2..."
"And we're back!" Kuwabara announced with another broad grin, "Thanks so much for staying tuned to your FAVORITE channel *snicker snicker* Not like you could actually change it!" he and Jessi doubled over in laughter.
"And next up," Jessi continued, "We're having our segment on "Happy Cats" everyone's favorite animals! Kuwabara's favorite anyway, and isn't that really what matters? *wink*"
"Why yes it is, Jessi! You're a fan of cats too, right?"
"Of course I am! I happen to have the pleasure of having a cat at home. She's so fuzzy and sweeeeeet! And she purrs for her Auntie Jessica!"
"Jessica...such a pretty name." Kuwabara said dreamily, "I love it when you use your real name..."
"Oh Kuwabara...that is so sweet..." Jessi looked over at him and they made eyes at each other and were leaning in to kiss, when Koenma cleared his throat loudly.
"THE SHOW!" he screamed at the lovebirds, "REMEMBER THE SHOW!"
Jessi pulled back and started whistling and Kuwabara put a hand behind his head and sweatdropped, "AH YES! Back to our segment on cats!"
"Did I tell you how much I adore cats, darling?" Jessi questioned.
"Yes Jessica...but why don't you tell me again." Kuwabara said sweetly.
"Kazuma, you called me by my real name *blush* " she reached out and grabbed his hand and held it tightly in hers.
"You called me by mine too." he looked at her affectionately.
Koenma saw where this was going and decided to intervene before things got out of hand.
All of a sudden Koenma jumped in front of the camera and waved at the audience, "Why hello everyone! I am the great Lord Koenma! This show is being brought to you courtesy of ME and Koenma brand Strawberry rice balls! That's right folks, your favorite snack comes straight from the Spirit World in these nifty snack-size packages!"
Koenma held up a pack of his brand Strawberry rice balls for demonstration, "Whether you're eating them for breakfast, lunch, dinner, tea, dessert or just for no reason at all! Koenma brand rice balls are sure to satisfy! They're at your local grocery store so don't forget to pick some up today!" Streamers flew down around Koenma as he did a peace sign at the audience and then left the stage.
Kuwabara and Jessi were both MAJORLY sweatdropping.
"OMG, Kuwa! I didn't know he was making MONEY off of this!" Jessi whispered to Kuwabara behind her hand.
He leaned over, "Yeah, I'll bet the toddler put a subliminal message out too when he was saying all that! Can you believe he STILL doesn't pay the Spirit Detectives or give Botan a raise?"
"Geez, that's so mean."
WHAM!
"DON'T CALL ME A TODDLER!!!!" the enraged Koenma had heard every iota of their conversation, and Kazuma and Jessica now each sported a large lump on their head.
"Yes sir..." they said in unison and fell over in their chairs.
Seconds later, they were seated with not a hair out of place and Kuwabara began announcing again, "Uhh...thanks Koenma for that brief informercial. It was....interesting. And now it's time forrrr..."
"How to have a happy cat!" Jessi finished.
"That's right, my darling! We're going to bring out my very own cat, Eikichi, onto the show. Eikichi, COME ON DOWN!"
The curtains parted and a small brown black and white cat walked out and then jumped up on the desk next to Kuwabara.
"Awwww who's Daddy's wittle baby!!!! Eikichi is, oh yes yes she is!" He snuggled her and petted her, "Listen to that cutttey cute cute little purr! So so sweeeet!"
"Fuzzy wuzzy wittle sweetums!" Jessi joined in, "So cuuuute and fuzzy and precious and adorable! She's a good wittle kitty cat, huh Kuwa?"
"Yes she is! Yes she is! Come give Daddy a little kiss, Eikichi!"
Koenma slapped a hand on his forehead and let it slide down his face, "I am NEVER helping any one of these guys get revenge EVER again!" he said to himself and made a motion with his hands for them to 'wrap it up'
"Wrap it up?!" Kuwabara exclaimed, "But I'm just getting started!"
"DO IT OR I CANCEL YOUR STUPID SHOW!" he yelled back and dragged his index finger across his throat as if to demonstrate what would happen to the show if he didn't comply.
"Ok ok, fine! Well, as you can see folks, all it takes is a whole lot of love and caring to..."
"Have a happy cat!" Jessi finished.
Eikichi meowed sweetly and both of them said, "Awwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!" and clasped their hands together.
"We'll be back after these messages!" Kuwabara said and they switched off once more.
"Knuckle-heads!" Koenma yelled as he came up behind them and bonked their heads together. Jessi and Kuwabara had swirly eyes for the next few seconds as Koenma proceeded to chew them out, "Public displays of affection for the world to see! You almost messed the whole thing up! And that adoring the cat was WWWAAAAY OVER THE LINE!"
"Oh shut up Koenma!" Kuwabara retaliated.
"Yeah!" Jessi agreed, "You're just jealous because you're not in love like we are, right Kuwa?" she said making, googly eyes at him again.
"MmmHmm.." he nodded and clasped her hands in his, "Botan won't give him the time of day except to yell at him."
They stared at each other lovingly for the next few seconds when a sharp-toothed Koenma loomed over them and smashed them over the heads once again.
"I DON'T EVEN LIKE BOTAN!!! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! ME JEALOUS? THAT'S A GOOD ONE!"
"My head...." Jessi whined.
"AH! Speaking of Botan, the others and her should be ready to put on that play! Remember your part, honey?"
"Of course I do, sweetie!"
"And what about you tod--Koenma?"
"Yeah yeah. Let's get this over with *huff*"
The trio walked backstage to find everyone in their costumes, studying scripts and looking EXTREMELY mad and uncomfortable.
"Kazuma!" yelled Shizuru at her brother, "Why do I have to be the bad guy?!"
"Because....you fit the part?" he answered with a question.
"Idiot! I know some people like to call me a witch, but this is taking it a step too far!"
A gutteral growl came from Hiei as he stepped into the light wearing the most ridiculous costume, "What the hell is this, "Wizard of Yu Yu Hakusho"? It's the most ridiculous thing I have EVER seen."
"Wow Hiei, hehe, you look GREAT in that outfit, it's just PERFECT for you." Kuwabara said with a thumbs up.
"Come closer and say that, moron..." Hiei the COWARDLY LION sneered at our hero from behind the fuzzy ears, nose, and whiskers.
"HA HA HA!"
"The Wizard of Yu Yu Hakusho, hmm." Botan mused, "Kuwabara! You ripped this off of American television, didn't you?"
"Yep! I made up my OWN version and it's alot better too!"
"Yeah, it's awesome, Kuwabara is the Great and Powerful wizard!" Jessi agreed.
"Great and Powerful NOTHING!" Yusuke piped up as he stepped out in his Scarecrow costume, "These lines are so retarded, I am NOT saying that!"
"Well, if they're retarded then they're PERFECT! I wrote that part ESPECIALLY for you, Urameshi." Kuwabara answered.
"I figured. I am SO getting you back for this!"
"OH NO YOU'RE NOT!" Teen Koenma stepped in the middle of the group and made his announcement, "I am not helping ANY of you buffoons get revenge on ANYONE EVER AGAIN! And especially not each other! You'd better put a stop to this revenge madness or else!"
"Or else what?" Yusuke asked.
"Or else I won't pa--oh wait, I don't do that anyway...Well let's see, or else I WON'T LET YOU HAVE ANY OF MY STRAWBERRY RICE BALLS!"
"Oooohhhh what a big loss, gee I'm crushed." Yusuke snorted.
"Seriously, Koenma." Kurama spoke up for the first time in awhile, "Do you actually think that will stop them?" Kurama was playing the part of the tin man and was wearing a funnel on top of his head.
"I guess not..." Koenma whined and folded his arms.
"ALRIGHT! Enough talking! I'm ready to get this show on the road!" Kuwabara said excitedly, "Places!!!!"
"Never..." Hiei growled and stormed up to Kuwabara, "I will NOT succomb to this idiod---sweeeett snoooowwww."
Kuwabara was holding the tub in front of him once again, "And there's plenty more where that came from! Just be a good little shorty and play your part, then you can have a whole FREEZER's worth of sweet snow."
Hiei nodded mutely and went to take his place.
Kuwabara and Jessi returned to the stage for a moment.
"Welcome back everyone and today I'm very proud to make this special presentation of 'THE WIZARD OF YU YU HAKUSHO'!" Kuwabara shouted.
"All of your favorite Spirit Detectives are starring in it, so sit back and watch the greatest remake of this old classic of ALL TIME!" Jessi finished off and the curtains parted.
(A/N: I will be taking artistic license here and making it shorter than the actual movie.)
Keiko was shown wearing a white and blue gingham dress with a white shirt underneath and holding a picnic basket. Eikichi was walking beside her as she picked strawberries.
"My my Eikichi, isn't it a lovely day?" she asked the cat.
Suddenly a woman wearing an all black dress rode by on a bicycle cackling wildly and knocked the basket out of Keiko's hand.
"Oh no! That was mean old Ms. Shizuru...*sniff* Now I have no strawberries to bring to my Auntie GenKai!"
Speaking of the devil...'Auntie GenKai' ran out of the rickety white house just then and yelled to Keiko. "Keiko! Keiko! A storm is coming! A Tornado! Hurry, we need to get down to the cellar!"
"Yes Auntie GenKai, let me get Eikichi! Eikichi?" she turned around to look for her cat but she was nowhere to be found, "Oh no Auntie GenKai! I think she strayed into the house, I have to go back and get her! Go without me! I'll be there in a second!"
The wind around them picked up and started to howl menacingly and the sky darkened, "Hurry child! The storm's almost here!"
"I will Auntie GenKai! I will!" Keiko yelled and ran inside the house calling for her cat, "Eikichi!!! Eikichi!!!"
"Meow?" the sound came from Keiko's bedroom and she rushed in a scooped her up in a hug.
"Oh Eikichi, never leave me again! Hurry we have to go Ouuuuttttsiiiddde!!!!!" she shrieked as the house rocked around her and the foundation was lifted off of ground. The house spun up into the air each second more rapidly.
Keiko shrieked and hugged her cat tightly, "We're in the tornado!!!"
Various objects were seen floating by, including the Toguro brothers in a rocking chair and Evil Shizuru on her bike.
Keiko squeezed her eyes shut and waited for the house to land again.
THUD!
She blinked a few times and then went to open the door with Eikichi following close behind.
Creeeaakkkkk....the door opened slowly to reveal a brightly techicolored world and Keiko gasped.
"Eikichi, I don't think we're in Japan anymore."
"Meow."
She looked over to her right and gasped as she saw a pair of striped leggings with bright-red sparkly shoes attached.
"My they're pretty." she reached over and pulled them off and a little boy and girl ran up to her. (Think the boy Yusuke saved in the first episode and the little girl who's soul was stolen with the Orb of Baast.)
"You killed her!" the boy said happily.
"You ean old witch!" the girl chimed in and they sang:
"Ding dong the witch is dead! Which old witch? The Wicked witch! Ding dong the wicked witch is deeeeaaaad because this nice lady fell on her heaaaaddd!"
"Thank you so much!" the young boy crooned and handed Keiko a large lollipop, "I represent the Lollipop Guild."
"And I'm from the Lullaby League." the girl said and handed Keiko a small bouquet of flowers.
"Thank you, I don't know what to say, except: Where am I?"
WHOOSSH!!!
Botan flew down on her oar wearing an even more pink version of her usual kimono and she also had a sparkly crown atop her head and was holding an equally sparkly scepter.
"Are you a good witch or a bad witch?" Botan asked the confused Keiko.
"Witch? I'm not a witch at all! I'm just a little girl!"
"Oh my! A visitor. Welcome to Yu Yu Hakusho, I'm Botan."
"Yu Yu Hakusho?"
"Why yes, and you've killed the Wicked Witch of the East, we are very greatful! You must wear her shoes to gain her power."
Keiko looked down to see the shoes already on her feet, "How did that--"
"Don't ask questions, deary. Now you must take her place!"
"Take her place? But I DON'T WANT TO!!! I JUST WANNA GO HOOOOME TO MY AUNTIE GENKAI!" the forlorn Keiko sobbed and hugged Eikichi.
"Oh there there, poor dear. I know a way you can get home!"
"Really?"
But Botan couldn't answer her just then, for in a puff of smoke an evil looking Shizuru with green makeup and a tall pointy witch's hat, arrived on the scene. "Thhheeeeeree you are!" she pointed at Keiko with an extremely long and fake fingernail, "Youuuu killled my sister! Youuuu killed her!"
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!" Keiko whimpered.
"You're lying little girl, you took her shoes...GIVE THEM TO ME!!!! I Neeeeeed that power!"
"No indeed, Shizuru!" Botan spoke up, "These shoes are Keiko's now, SO BE GONE WITH YOU!"
"AAARGH! I'll be back, be assured of that! I'll get you my pretty and your little CAT too!" Shizuru said and in another puff of smoke she was gone.
"Goodness!" Keiko exclaimed, "She scared me!"
"Ah yes, that's only The Wicked Witch of the West, Shizuru."
"You were saying something about how I could get home?"
"Oh but of course! You MUST go see the Great and Powerful Kazuma Kuwabara! He will be able to help you get home."
"Oh thank you, Botan, but how do I find him?"
"Simple! Follow the yellow brick road." she guestured to the road before her.
"Follow the yellow brick road?" Keiko asked.
"FOLLOW THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD!" the two brats...er children yelled to her.
"Follow the yellow brick road! Follow the yellow brick road! Follow the follow the follow the follow the---"
"OK I GET THE PICTURE!!!" Keiko screamed, stopping the others from singing.
"Goodbye Keiko, good luck!" Botan yelled as she flew away on her oar.
Keiko walked on the yellow brick road for about a mile when she came to a crossroads.
"Oh no! Which way should I go?"
"That way!" a voice came at her.
"What? Who's there?"
"Or you could go that way!" it said again.
"OMG, the scarecrow! IT MOVED!"
Yusuke was perched on a wooden pole all dolled up like a scarecrow with the stupid hat and straw everywhere.
"YEEPPP!" Yusuke the scarecrow agreed and then jumped down off the stick he was on.
"EEEEKKKK YOU'RE ALIVE!!!"
"Of course I am silly girl! But the only thing I don't have is a brain."
"You don't have a brain?"
"Nope, I'm just nothing but a big nit-wit where the lights are never on upstairs." he tapped his head, "Nothin' in my noggin! Hee hee!"
"That's terrible!" Keiko exclaimed.
"No it isn't! I like being stupid!" Yusuke was cursing Kuwabara in his mind the whole time.
"That's it, you're coming with me to see Kazuma Kuwabara!"
"Wow, the GREAT and POWERFUL Kazuma Kuwabara?"
"Why yes!"
"I've ALWAAAYS wanted to meet him!" he said sarcastically.
"You need to, you really really need a brain."
"No I don't."
"YES YOU DO NOW COME ON!" SLAP! Keiko slapped Scarecrow Yusuke and dragged him along down the yellow brick road.
They were passing an apple orchard and Keiko reached up to grab an apple when something shiny caught her eye.
"H-YUCK H-YUCK!" Scarecrow Yusuke hung from the branches of a tree like a monkey.
"Scarecrow Yusuke!" Keiko exclaimed, "What is that over there?!"
"I don't seeee nothin'."
"That's because it's in the other direction, moron!"
"Oh yeah!" he turned around to see Kurama dressed in silver with something that looked like a barrel over his chest and a funnel on his head.
"Rrr rrr!" the forlorn Kurama tried to say.
"He needs our help!" Keiko ran over and listened to what he was saying:
"Rroos Roos!"
"It sounds like he's saying 'rose'!"
"Looky!" Scarecrow Yusuke said, "There's a rose right there next to him!"
Keiko picked it up and brought it to Kurama's nose and he breathed in the smell and was set free.
"Oh thank you so much!" Kurama said as he took the rose from Keiko and placed it behind his ear, "I froze without my rose." (A/N: Kurama is a poet and he doesn't even know it! WA HA HA SO CLICHE!)
"Glad to help!" said Keiko.
"Hey, why don't I do a little dance?" Kurama suggested.
"Huh? Why would you do that?" Scarecrow Yusuke asked.
"Because! I want to look like an idiot! And to prove that I have no heart *sniffle* I am nothing but a cold hard Tin-Kurama."
"You don't have a heart?" Keiko inquired.
"No...sadly I am made of tin." BANG BANG! He whacked his chest and it made a hollow sound, "I want to feel what it is like to love, but there is no hope for me without a heart."
"I know! You can come with us!"
"Where are you going?"
"To see the Great and Powerful Kazuma Kuwabara! He can give you a heart!"
"Realllllly?" Tin-Kurama said hopefully.
"Yes! Let's go!"
And so Keiko, Eikichi, Scarecrow Yusuke, and Tin-Kurama started down the yellow brick road again.
They reached a part that had hills and more forest when a growling sound was heard from nearby:
"GGGRRRA! GRRRRRA!"
"Oh no! What's that?!" Keiko shrieked and grabbed Scarecrow Yusuke in a hug.
"GRRRRRRRR! I am the Lion AND KING OF DA FOREST!" Hiei said in a very uncharacteristic way as he pounced out of the shadows and in front of the group in a silly lion suit, complete with long tail. (I'm going to kill you Kuwabara.) he thought as he played his stupid part.
"Please don't hurt us!" pleaed Keiko.
"Oh, who I am kidding." said Cowardly Lion Hiei, "I couldn't hurt you if I tried, you see I'm a wimp! I'm so scared of everything, even my own shadow!"
"Wow, that must be awful!" Keiko exclaimed.
"Oh it is, day after day living in solitude and aloneness, not even brave enough to walk on the yellow brick road. I'm pathetic, stupid, ugly, and a terrible dresser! BOO HOO HOO there is NO HOPE FOR ME! WAAAAAAAAAH!!!!" Hiei forced his lines out thinking about all the sweet snow he would eat after the show.
"Oh you poor dear Cowardly Hiei! You should come with us!"
"You want me to come with you???"
"Yes! I know what will help you! You just need some courage! We're going to see the Great and POWERFUL Kazuma Kuwabara! He can give you courage!"
"WOW! I never imagined the day would come when I could meet the Great and Powerful Kazuma Kuwabara! This is the happiest day of my life!" Hiei almost bit his tongue off saying that, "He's so wise and good and the best at everything!"
"Yes he is!" Keiko agreed, "Now we must hurry! I'm terribly homesick and I wanna go home! *whine whine*"
The four linked arms just then and started dancing down the yellow brick road singing:
(Keep it in mind that Yu Yu Hakusho doesn't rhyme with anything ;)
"Weeeeee're off to see Kuwabara! Kazuma Kuwabara of Yu Yu Hakusho! We hear he is so great and powerful and everyone around the world must know! If ever a great Spirit Detective there was, Kazuma Kuwabara is one because...because because because because Becaaaaaauuuuseeee!!! Because he's the best and the strongest of us! La la la la la la la la LA LA!! (Hiei gags at those parts and Yusuke is really mad.) We're off to see Kuwabaraaa...Kazuma Kuwabara of Yu Yu Hakusho!"
CONTINUED IN THE NEXT CHAPTER!
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I really wanted to put the whole story in this one chapter, but the notepad ran out of room! So now it's in two chapters. This is my longest Revenge fic yet!