Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ The Flipside ❯ The Very Beginning Of A Very Long And Seemingly Messed Up Tale! ( Chapter 1 )

The Flipside

By Fowlet.Press

Fowlet: Just to let you know: THIS IS TERRIBLE. This fic is stupid! I'm saying it now so no one will get confused and think anything good will come from this because they would be WRONG. Not to say the writing is bad, it's the plot, you see… and maybe the dialogue and some of the descriptions… but IT'S STUPID, OOC, AU, SILLY, SLAPSTICK AND DERANGED!!!! You have been warned.

Simetra: The Fowlet does not own Yu Yu Hakusho… sadly, she does not even own an i-pod…

Fowlet: *hugs walkman* I'LL NEVER GIVE IN! NEVVVEEERR!!!

Dedicated to Lauren- who said it sucked. I owe her 13 pens and a muffin.

And on with the fic…

~The Flipside~

Hiei sat at his desk and lounged back into his comfortable chair. He'd stolen that chair. Wearing crappy blue jeans, a black tank top and his famous sunglasses he had on night and day and while inside rooms, he looked pretty sexy. If you go for that sort of thing.

The current task of our hero was to interview people who would be coming with him on a mission he was about to indulge in. The clock above his desk read 2:35.

"Hey! Everyone's five minutes late already!" he shouted loud enough so that his boss who was in the office three blocks down could hear him.

Truth be told, Hiei didn't even want a "partner". Hiei like his solitude and a companion would probably just get in his way. Besides he had a reputation to uphold, for being the tightest-assed fighter at Makai.Inc. He hoped his boss, Ms. Mukoro, heard him too. She was the one who had "requested" (by means of very high decibels and several surprise attacks) that he get a partner.

Growling, Hiei threw his squishy office ball at the target on his wall; the target being a very beaten up picture of Ms. Mukoro. The door opened and in a flash, Hiei's love, the office ball, which he had christened "Jeffrey", disappeared into the bowels of his desk and he sat up professionally in his chair.

"Mister Hiei? Mister Hiei? Mister Hi-?"

"Gouki!" Hiei greeted. Now, honestly, there is only so much one can put up with from a soul sucking oni and its pervy obsession with you. Pervy obsession… only in Hiei's case…

"I am BUSY," Hiei declared.

"But the interviewees, mister Hiei! They have arrived!" Gouki exclaimed, proudly sticking his head through the crack in the door.

The Oni was wearing some sort of… blue… eye… shadow… substance… Hiei disgustedly decided not to comment.

"Well show them in, you useless twit," Hiei replied, lifting his sunglasses for a moment to rub his sore temples.

"Yes mister Hiei, right away, mister Hiei!" Gouki said, apparently unfazed by Hiei's remark.

The door closed. Hiei waited. After 30 second of thumb twiddling Hiei decided his desk didn't look professional enough. To increase its professional-ness, he began shuffling random papers on his desk, pretending to know what was written on them. Most were simply doodles. Hiei wasn't a desk person. He dreamed of the days when he could hop around in the trees and slaughter humans like pigs at a luau. He sighed in happiness. Oh, the fond memories…

Finally the door opened again after what seemed like an eternity but was really only about 46 seconds and the first interviewee walked through the door. He was a short little guy with red, yellow and black hair. He was also wearing the most atrocious leather and buckle ensemble Hiei had ever seen. However he didn't look like he was much older than 15 or 16 and barely looked as if he'd even hit puberty yet. Unsure as to how to begin Hiei cleared his throat and asked his first question.

"Aheh-HEM! … err… state your name please," Hiei bullshitted.

"Yami," the lad answered. Hiei reeled in shock as the "boy's" voice came out sounding like a 50 year old man.

"How'd you do that?" gasped Hiei.

"What?" answered Yami, narrowing amethyst eyes.

"Are you a ventriloquist or something?" Hiei inquired, suspiciously.

"What are you talking about, mortal?" Yami growled with the Flame of The Pharaoh rising up behind him.

Choosing to overlook the fact that he was not a mortal Hiei answered, "…I'm sorry we have no room for ventriloquii here… NEXT!"

Yami roared, "What is this?!"

"Did you not hear me? Get out!"

Yami pointed a precious, widdle finger at Hiei, "I'LL GET YOU, FILTHY DEMON SCUM, HIEI ARNOLD BASKERVILLE!!! AND WHEN I DO, YOU'LL HAVE TO FACE THE HEART OF THE CAR-!"

"NEXT!" Hiei shouted, "SECURITY!"

Said, "security", turned out to be Treize and Zechs. Oh my... What fun.

The door to Hiei's office opened and a short man with long, swishy…red… hair and wearing something hot pink walked in. Hiei did love red hair.

"ORO!" the man yelled, making a ridiculous `oro-type' face.

"SECURITY!"

Treize and Zechs appeared once again, to apprehend a struggling Kenshin, despite his threats to hit them over the head with a reverse-shifty-brake-sword or something like that.

"Wait! I'll serve you well! I'll do your laundry! WAAAAIIIT!"

Kenshin was henceforth stuffed in a sack and thrown out the fourth floor window. Then he conveniently landed in a dumpster on top of a sulking Yami. Hiei grumbled, pulled a shot gun out from under his desk, cocked it and-

"NO SHOTGUNS, HIEI!"

Damn Mukoro and her evil-mind-reading-ninja ways!

Another interviewee, who was bound to give Hiei even more of a splitting migraine than he already had, entered the office and smiled at Hiei… and kept smiling…

Hiei sweatdropped.

She kept smiling… and giggling… nervously…

And it was weirding him out, man!

"SECURITY!"

Zechs and Treize escorted the flustered brunette outside and watched her walk away with way too much pep in her step than was normal for a teenage girl of her age.

"What a nasteh little buggah!" said Treize.

"Talking in a British accent again, are we?" asked Zechs.

"Chip, chip cheerio, mate!" Treize answered.

So Treize and Zechs commenced playing a game of `punch the shoulder', which is much like handball, only without the ball, and with much more contact between fists and shoulders.

Hiei heard the godforsaken door open once more and looked up to see a dead miko glaring at him with a glare that could have made Inuyasha wet his bright red pants. This however, was not Inuyasha. Hiei blinked at her.

"The… interns… are… in… room… 289,… woman…" he said at a deliberately slow pace, as if talking to a mentally deranged person. Kikyo scowled and stomped her bad, dead butt out of there to get some satisfaction. That last sentence sounded really weird.

The door was… blown off its hinges? Hiei raised an eyebrow. A large, non-intimidating oni stood in the doorway like he was the second coming of Christ. Hiei rolled his blood red eyes.

"All right, what's your name?" He grunted, avoiding eye contact.

The oni sniffled, resembling a steam truck driving over eyeballs.

"You know what I'm here for, Master!" Gouki howled childishly.

"Look, I'm not going to give you a raise, Gouki," he replied, rolling his eyes.

"But-!"

"NO! SECURITY!"

Treize and Zechs did there thing, albeit complaining about overworking until their hair did not look as nice whilst doing it. All I can say is that Yami and Kenshin were not happy about the soul sucking oni that suddenly landed on them. Then again, nobody cares about what I say, so on with the fic!

Hiei sighed and banged his spiky head on his desk. There was a timid knock the door.

/Oh, great!/

A person entered the dinky room and looked at Hiei with adorable little green eyes.

"I've come to be interviewed for a partnership with Mr. Baskerville?" the redheaded beauty disclosed softly, a faint blush appearing on his cheeks.

"Um, yes, this is the place. So, what is your name?"

"Kurama," he answered, "My name is Kurama Elton McDormiss." (O_o;;;;;)

"Well, Kurama, did it hurt when you fell out of heaven?"

Strong? Yes.

Criminal mastermind? Yep.

Friggin' frightening? Check.

Tactful? Heavens, no.

Kurama smiled blankly.

"What?"

"Nothing. Do you have any experience in theft from the past?"

"Oh yes, I used to belong to a gang and I've made my living by pick pocketing and shoplifting," Kurama smiled innocently.

Hiei was impressed.

"What about breaking and entering?"

"Ain't no party like one you created yourself in someone else's house while they were on vacation!" Kurama recited, beaming.

Hiei nodded, eyes full of understanding.

"Of course. Do you understand the consequences of any actions you or I will ever take during our time together?"

"Sure do!"

"Well, you show potential, but you have to fill out one of these fo-"

"Done!" Kurama giggled, happily displaying the entire sheaf of filled out forms on Hiei's desk.

"Daaaamn!" Hiei murmured, awed. Those pages had been filled with inane ramblings and literary booby-traps of… doom, designed to make even the most eager intern/literate person insane! From the looks of it though, Hiei realized as he flipped through the pages, all of them had been filled out perfectly! Maybe it wouldn't be that bad if his partner was one so evil, Kurama's evilness surpassed even his (which would be helpful, as Hiei was very short and not very intimidating) and furthermore was a cutie.

"Huh?" Kurama asked, smiling brightly at him.

"Nothing…" Hiei muttered as he signed the last page in an absurd signature resembling an octopus. He held out his hand to his new teammate.

"Kurama McDormiss," he replied, "Welcome to the Makai Section 008,"

The sounds of Yami, Kenshin and Gouki arguing could be heard from the dumpster eight floors below but the two shook hands anyway. Ah, the start of a beautiful relationship, wouldn't you say?

A certain dead miko approached a man on the fourth floor to ask where she could find the half-breed experimentation room. The man took one glance at her and directed her to the intern room at 289. Kikyo scowled.

And in a random wetland not too far away, Tohru looked back at The Makai building and whispered, "I'll be back, Hiei Baskerville… I'll be back…"

Then a bird crapped on her head.

End of Chapter One

TBC

Hiei: *barf*

Kurama: …that was ooc…

Hiei: [censored] understatement!!!!!!

Fowlet: Other people get into the next chappie! Yay?!

Hiei: WHAT THE [CENSORED] IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!?

Kurama: Not enough Kurama/Hiei action!

Fowlet+Hiei: *stare at him*

*continue to stare at him*

Kurama: what?! I'm a growing teenage boy!

Hiei: who used to be a fox demon, Kurama… a fox demon…

Kurama: so what?! I'm aloud to have hormones too! *pouts*

Fowlet: ANY-way, there will be more k/h action in the future-ness but nothing above… PG-13… ish…

Kurama: *pouts harder*

Hiei: you are *so* sick…

Kurama: I love you so…

Fowlet: AAH! SHUT UP! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO ADMIT YOUR LOVE UNTIL CHAPPIE… SIX… MILLION… OR SOMETHING!

Review and I shall be pleased.

But actually, as a last note: Please do not review my fic and say that it is stupid. I know that it is stupid. I wrote it purposely stupid like that. I do not need you to tell me that it is stupid. I wrote it. I know. This first chappie is a lot more stupid than the rest of the story will be though because it will get slightly more serious. Again, if you don't have anything either nice or constructive (that DOESN'T have to do with the TONE of this story or my writing style) then please do NOT comment and that will be my punishment.

*points at button*