Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ The Wanders of Kurama's Never Ending Hair ❯ The Wanderings ( Chapter 1 )

The kitsune known as Yoko Kurama sat high in a tree wrapped in the arms of his fire demon known as Hiei Jaganshi. The sun shined on the two lovers, casting them in a brilliant gleam of light warming their bodies. Kurama's right arm was stretched behind him pilfering with Hiei's silky raven black hair. And in return, Hiei let Kurama's hair slip through his fingers and ladn at the nape of his neck. And he smiled each time at the shudder he recieved.

Taking Kurama by his right sidelock, Hiei pulled his face towards his own. "You're a stupid kitsune, do you know that?" Hiei whispered.

Kurama merely smiled, his huge green eyes that would put even the greenest evergreen to shame, filled with the love he had for his fire demon. "As true as that might be in some sense, am I not your stupid kitsune?"

Hiei pulled his face closer. "And you're lucky you are."

As their lips barely brushed against each other, something shot out of Kurama's hair and latched onto Hiei's wrist. "What the hell?" he mumbled.

Grabbing the unkown persons wrist, he began to pull the guy out of Kurama's hair. As he did so he plugged his nose. This guy reeked. Didn't he know what a bath was? Or soap for that matter? What he pulled out was evidently a kid boy with a unibrow, wearing a striped shirt underneath a green jacket, and blue pants.

"Eddy!" the kid yelled with a wide stupid grin on his face. "I found a chicken Eddy! Let me hug the chicken."

Hiei pulled back in a fright as the kid advanced on him wanting to hug him. Before he got too far, another boy popped up out of Kurama's hair. This one only had three hairs on his head, blue pants as well, a yellow shirt, and bad breath.

"That's not a chicken you moron." he said grabbing the first boy by the neck. Now a third boy popped up out of Kurama's hair. He had on a black hat, a red shirt, and black pants, but at least his breath didn't smell like rotted gym socks.

"Now Eddy, be carefull not to harm Ed's wind tunnel. As stupid as he is, we do want him to stay alive."

"Don't you think I know that Double D?" The second boy looked at Hiei, and then at Kurama who had made himself comfortable on Hiei and had his eyes closed.

"Hey Kurama, thanks for letting us crash in your hair. You're a real pal." The second boy jumped out of Kurama's hair and landed on the ground still holding the first boy by the throat.

"Yes. Indeed you are a true friend." said the third boy before jumping on the ground to join the other two.

"You are all welcome." Kurama yelled to them.

After recovering from the three boys jumping out of Kurama's hair, Hiei leaned back in the tree and began to massage the kitsunes hair once more. "Do you have anything else in this mass of fiery hair that I should know about?" he asked.

Kurama mearly shrugged and snuggled closer to Hiei. With a smirk, the fire demon burried his hand in the fox's hair.

In a minute he pulled out a swords sheath with the sword still inside. "Why didn't you tell me you took swordsmanship?"

"I don't." Kurama answered and turned to his side, splaying a hand over Hiei's flat chest. "That's not my sword." Hiei couldn't help but wander whose sword this was then.

"Excuse me. I do believe that is my sword, that it is." a voice called to them from the ground.

When Hiei looked he spotted a tall man with bushy red hair just like Kurama's without a top, white pants and a crossed shaped scar on his left cheek.

"Yeah!" The woman next to him yelled. She had blue hair and she as well didn't have on a top either, and was swaying back in forth trying to stay on her feet.

"You've, hick, got Kenshin's, hick, sword."

"Okay Miss. Kaoru, I think it's time you had a seat." the man said sitting the woman down on the ground.

She twirled around on one foot before falling on her knees. "That was fun, hick, Kenshin. Oooh, looky looky. A flower with blue petals. I'm going to, hick, pick em off one by, hick, two." She picks the flower and starts to nibble the petals.

Hiei watched as the red headed man out of nowhere jumped from the ground, into the tree, and snatched the sword from Hiei's hand. "Thank you." He watched as the man walked off with the blue haired drunk-as-a-monkey girl bobbing against him.

She started skipping. "Yippi! Kenshin got the sword back, Kenshin got the sword back. Can I use that on Yahiko?"

"I don't think so Miss. Kaoru. I think Sano was right, and you did have too much sake."

"Nonsense Kenshin. I'm, hick, fine."

"If you two ever get tired of your dojo, you're more than welcome to take refuge in my hair. I certainly don't mind the noise." Kurama yelled after them with his eyes closed.

"You have a one track mind fox." Hiei mumbled. Kurama only smiled again.

Taking a chance Hiei dug his hand into the fox's hair. What he found he hadn't expected. He pulled out nothing but a card with the words 'The Space' on it. And again, out of nowhere a girls swoops in from the sky and snatches the card from Hiei's hand.

"Hey you bastard! That's my card, not yours."

"Why hello Sakura." Kurama greeted happily.

"Hi Kurama!" Sakura smiled back. Then she glarred at Hiei, who noticed she was flying on a stick with wings, and some ningen kid boy was sitting behind her with his arms around her waist.

"I'll kill you Hiei. This card was for Kurama to hold, not for YOU!!!!!" She races after him, but the kid behind her tells her to stop.

"Now Sakura, don't kill him. I'm sure he didn't mean it."

::Whatever the kid said.:: Hiei thought.

"But Le, he shouldn't have been going through Kurama's hair like that." Sakura whined.

"Come on now my love. We have to get going." The Le kid kisses he cheek and she resolves to agree with him this time.

"Next time you won't be so lucky Hiei." Sakura growled and flew away with her boyfriend.

Turning back to Kurama, Hiei again dug his hand into the mass of hair that held who knows what. His hand latches onto a fuzzy stick with a fuzzy oval on top of it. As he began to pull it out, he noticed that the stick was connected to an ugly ningen child that was all purple, except for the face area, and had on a wide grin. When it was pulled out it began to giggle. Giving Hiei the serious case of the creeps. And a worse case of the creeps when he found out more ugly ningen children were attatched to it, and they were giggling as well. One was yellow, another was blue, and they were all gay and stupid.

While the purple one chased Hiei to the next branch over, the others went after Kurama head on. One tickled him while the others began to undress him. The yellow one had a hold of one side of his pants and the blue had a hold of the other side and at the same time, they pulled his pants right off his legs. (a/n: His shoes were already off from the begining of this fic.)

The purple one kept chasing Hiei higher and higher into the tree, and with repeated attempts, tried to actually grab Hiei, saying each time that he had a nice package. And each time Hiei only swatted him away, not sure that since they were in Kurama's hair, if he was allowed to kill him.

"You're so cute. Let me take you home to play with." the purple thing said happily.

"I don't think so." Hiei growled.

Back with the other ugly colored things, a red one had already discarded Kurama's shirt. "Let's start the bidding for Kurama's shirt at five hundred dollars!" it yelled. "

All I have is two million." the gray one said sadly.

"Okay, deal. Here you go." The red one shoved Kurama's shirt at the gray one.

"If I cut off his package and seel it in a jar, who'll pay up five grand to have it?" a black one yelled.

Several raised they hands. "But first," the red one said. "We have some fun with him."

"Hiei, help!!!!!" Kurama yelled desperatly, while laughing because one of the ugly things was still tickling him.

Hiei heard his plea and decided, ::Okay. I'll take that as a cue for me to kill these ass wipers.:: With a smirk he raised his hand.

"Oh shit, the fists of the mortal flame attack! Screw it, I'm outta here." the purple one stated and ran off back to Kurama.

"Oh no you don't!" Hiei chased after him back to Kurama, and when he got them all in his sites, he released the 'Fists of the Mortal Flame' on their asses. Except for the purple one. He jumped back into Kurama's hair. The others were coated in fire and were soon merely ashes.

When he landed on the branch, Hiei noticed Kurama was down to his underwear. "What the hell happened to your clothes?"

Kurama shrugged. "One of those things called Telletubbies auctioned them off I guess."

Walking toward him, Hiei dug his hand into his hair yet again. This time he pulled out the OSU Stadium with the seats full of people screaming like banchees "We love you Kurama!"

"Make love to me Kurama"

"You're an ass wiper Hiei!" The last comment came from the center of the stadium where the purple Telletubbie stood.

With a glare, Hiei threw the stadium behid him. It crashed on the other side of the globe in someone's back yard, with a dog that loved the taste of Telletubbie at midnight.

"Oh shit." yelled the purple Telletubbie.

After Hiei threw the OSU stadium behind him, he went right back to digging in Kurama's hair. His hand tangled with someone's hair, and he pulled that person out in one swift moevment.

"Hey there big, or small boy." It was Britt Spears! ::Oh shit. The woman from hell, every demon's nightmare.:: Hiei thought horridly.

"Have I got a song for you." ::Oh no, oh no, oh no. Please be the 'I wanna be chicken' song.::

"But I'm a slave, for you. I'm not trying to fight it, I'm not gonna hide it."

Kurama and Hiei screamed and covered their ears, trying to block out the ear shattering noise. ::Even Yusuke's better than this.:: they both thought.

"Hiei, do something." Kurama yelled. "You're the one who pulled her out."

"You're the one who had her in there to begin with." Hiei yelled back.

"And with good reason." With a groan, Hiei clenched his fist and jammed it into Spears' mouth.

He shuddered. "I can't believe I just did that. I would much rather kiss Aikeichi, or whatever that damn cats name is than stick my hand in this womans mouth."

When Britt tried to speak, Hiei pulled his hand out, and again called upon the 'Fists of the Mortal Flame' attack. "What the hell did I do?" she yelled.

"This is for plaguing me along with so many other demons, but mostly me, with your horrid music." Hiei yelled before punching her in the middle of her face, and setting her whole body on fire.

She continued singing the song from hell untill the very end. "But I'm a, slave fore you. I'm not trying to fight it. I'm not gonna hide it. I'm a, slave for you...Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh I don't deserve this!!!!"

"About time she turned into ashes." Hiei sighed, and brushed away her remains from Kurama's hair.

"Do you still wish to continue your search Hiei?" the fox asked. Hiei nodded and rumaged through his hair again.

This time he caught a hold of more hair, and readied himself for another assault of deadly music. Out of Kurama's hair came two women who didn't look at all like hell singers. One of them had white hair that reached the middle of her back, golden eyes, hot and full pink lips. The other girl who was the same highth had long brunette hair also to her knees, blueish green eyes, and full light pink lips. In height they were both about an inch shorter than Kurama.

"Do you mind?" the one with white hair asked, swatting away Hiei's hand from her hair.

"Oh, Shida! I'm so sorry about that." Kurama apologized.

Shida glared at Hiei. "You're not going to attack me, are you? I've had enough things attack me from out of nowhere today."

"What kind of person are you? I'm not going to attack you from out of nowhere. I'll attack you from right here if I do attacking of any kind."

"Hiei, this is Shida." Kurama introduced. "You can put her back. She has a few boyfriends waiting for her."

"And you're not one of them." Shida told Hiei.

"This," Kurama said pointing to the other girl. "Is Shira. I'm saving her for later."

"Are you cheating on me fox?!?!?!?!?!?!" Hiei asked incredulously.

"No, of course not Hiei. She's for both of us. Later of course, so you can put them back now." Shira jumped for joy before she dived back into Kurama's hair.

"Pull me out by the hair again Hiei, and see if I don't pin you with a rose wind." Shida threatened.

"Okay, that girl reminds me a lot of me. I don't like her." said Hiei starring after Shida.

"I am sure you two will get along just fine." Kurama remarked.

Once again Hiei shoved his hand into the foxs' hair to see what he could find. This time he pulled out a gold staff. And of course something was attatched to it. ::Isn't there always?:: Hiei thought. This time it was a young ningen monk with black hair pulled back into a small ponytail.

"Who the hell are you?" Hiei asked.

"My name is Miroku, and I was wondering if you've by any chance seen Sango."

"Who the hell is that?" Jumping out of Kurama's hair, Miroku turned toward Kurama.

"Hold on. Who is this lovely maiden?"

Hiei looked around. "Where do you see a maiden?"

"Why, this lovely woman right here. Have you no sense of gender?" Miroku asked.

"Better than you monk, because that's no girl." Hiei mumbled.

"How can this not be a girl? Note the long flowing red hair. The pink under wear." He took one of Kurama's hands. "The small lady like hands. This is most definetly..."

"Not a girl." Kurama finished.

Miroku jumped back. "Oh. M..My apologies mister. I had no idea that...I'll just take my leave now." And with that Miroku jumped back into Kurama's hair in search of Sango.

After his jump, Hiei began to dig once again. What he pulled out must have been Sango. Or at least he guessed it was Sango. It was definetly a woman. She was wrapped in a towl holding a frying pan in one hand, and the towl in the other.

"You creep!! And I thought Miroku was a lecher."

Before Hiei knew it, she was hitting him on the head with her pan.

"Take this, and that you pervert!!"

After about ten hits to the head, Kurama finally jumped in to stop the maniac woman. "Sango, Sango, stop stop. Hiei did not mean to pull you out the way you are right now. He is only looking for something. What it is I do not know. Now please, go back inside. Miroku is waiting for you."

"He is?!?!?! And I care why?"

"He wants to tell you he loves you." Hiei spoke up.

"Then what am I doing waisting my time with you?" Sango asked. ::That's the million dollar question.:: Hiei thought as Sango jumped back into Kurama's hair, just like everyone else.

"Sailor Scouts, ATTACK HIEI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" a voice yelled, and as soon as Hiei could blink, he was being trampled by five teenage girls in mini skirts.

"I got his pants!" one with brunette hair called as she grabbed at Hiei's pants.

"I got his head!" one with blonde pigtails called.

"Hey, switch places with me." brunette demanded. "No way in hell Lita." the pigtails snapped.

For a moment Hiei couldn't breath. The breath was momentarily scared out of him. He had girls grabbing at him in places he'd rather have Kurama at right now. He decided enough was enough. Let these girls grope each other, not him! In a flash he was gone.

"Hey, where'd he go?" pigtails asked.

"Serena, don't you have a boyfriend?" one with long raven hair asked.

"Yeah, so? Derean doesn't have to know about this." said pigtails.

"Not if I don't tell him first." raven teased and ran off to the north, with everyone following behind her.

"Don't you dare say a word Ray!!" pigtails yelled, or shrieked, or...Hiei wasnt sure what he would call that sound.

Turning back to Kurama, Hiei decided to dig into his hair once more to see what he would find. What he pulled out was a small silver box. ::It's about time.:: Kurama thought and secretly smiled to himself. He thought Hiei would never find it. After the whole Telletubbie thing, he thought Hiei would stop looking and then he would never get to the best part. Having the Sailor Scouts attack like that was pure genious and fun to watch. The look on Hiei's face was priceless. And oh so cute. Turning around he watched as Hiei opened the small box to find a small silver package inside.

"You really do have a one track mind fox." Hiei smirked.

Kurama wrapped his arms around his fire demons neck and pulled him close.

"Its all a part of the surprise." Hiei closed the box and leaned into his fox.

"You're still an ass wiper Hiei." Hiei's eyes widened at the scaryly familiar voice and he looked up.

He gasped. Kurama's face was purple!!!!! And fuzzy!!!!!!!!!!! He was the purple Telletubbie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hiei pulled away and bumped into something that was definetly not the tree trunk. He turned around.

"You pervert!! Take this, and that you creep."

Before he knew it, he was being hit ten more times on the head. He jumped to the next branch.

"I'll kill you Hiei!" a girls voice yelled.

"Fight card. Release and dispell. Knock Hiei onto his ass."

After getting punched in the face, Hiei landed on his feet on the ground.

"Kenshin, looky looky Kenshin. A little kid that looks like Yahiko. But since he's not Yahiko, can I use your sword on him?? I just wanna cut off his nice package and take it home with me. That way, whenever I look at it, it reminds me of you." Hiei looked up as two hands grabbed his shoulders and shoved him right in the middle of a female's naked chest.

"Please Kenshin??????? Pretty please??????????"

"Alright Miss. Kaoru. You may use my sword."

"Yay! Hip, yippi!" As soon as she let go, Hiei jumped as far away as he could.

"No way in hell you damn drunken ningen."

As soon as he landed he heard, "But I'm a, slave for you. I'm not trying to fight it. I'm not gonna hide it. Cause i'm a, slave for you."

Hiei covered his ears at the shrieking noise. "Not this again. I thought I killed you!?!" He turned to face the one making the horrible music. It was the perverted monk Miroku?!?!?!?!?!? How the hell did he get a girls voice??????????

Jumping the tree, Hiei landed on the same branch as the girl with white hair. And she was making out with Touya!!!!!! And Jin was kissing her neck from behind.

"Do you mind, you little creep?!" Shida asked after pulling away from Touya's mouth.

"Get outa here you pervert. ROSE WIND!!!" A rose shaped ball of wind blasted at Hiei.

He jumped to the next branch. "A chicken Eddy!! Let me hug the chicken. Please Eddy? Can I, huh, huh??"

The second boy Eddy stood next to the first boy Ed. "Sure, why not? At least this one's a real chicken."

"Do I look like a damn chicken to you?" Hiei yelled flapping his wings. Flapping his wings? Wait a minute...Hiei looked down at himself. He really was a chicken! A black chicken with a white starburst.

As Ed advanced on him, he gave a cluck and jumped from the tree. When he landed on the ground he heard, "Sailor Scouts, LETS GROPE HIEI! Who's with me?????"

Four other girls raised their hands.

"Oh hell no." Hiei mumbled, even though it was really a cluck if anything.

"Wait a minute. I still have to finish my song for him." shouted Miroku.

"Well I still have to kick his ass." yelled Sakura.

"I still want his dick." yelled a drunken Kaoru.

"I still gotta wipe Big Foots ass with him." yelled the Telletubbie morphed Kurama.

"WHAT?!?!?!?!" everyone yelled.

^_^;;;;;;;; "He's an ass wiper? I gotta wipe Big Foots ass with em? Get it?"

"Who wants to kill the Telletubbie morphed Kurama?" Shira yelled.

"WE DO!" everyone shouted in unison.

And before twenty seconds went by, the morphed head of Hiei's once Kurama, was lying in front of him.

"Now then," Shira said clapping her hands together. "Everyone, AFTER HIEI!!!!!"

With a frantic cluck Hiei ran away as the group advanced on him. "I wanna go home," he clucked. "I wanna go home."

"Hiei. Wake up Hiei. You're only having a bad dream." Hiei heard Kurama's voice full of happy concern.

He slowly opened his eyes and starred into two gorgeous emerald ones. He sat up in bed. Everything looked normal. He looked to the bedside table. On it was a small velvet box, and on top of that was a small empty silver package.

Turning back he trampled through Kurama's hair. All he found was the back of his neck.

"Hiei? What are you doing?" Kurama asked.

"Hmm? Oh, nothing. I was just wondering."

Kurama turned to him and smiled. "Hiei, you pulled everything out of my hair yesterday, rememeber?"

Hiei's head shot up. "What?!?!"

Standing up, Kurama lifted Hiei off the bed. "Don't worry Hiei. I had Shira fix you your favorite breakfast. Cherrios, and chicken flavored ramen noodles."

"Do me a favor," Hiei mumbled, settling into Kurama's arms. "Don't mention chikens anymore."

"Oh, and we do have guests, so try to be polite." Kurama said walking down the stairs.

"I told them to behave this time."

"This time?" Hiei asked. "Are they people I know? They don't sound like Urameshi, or that dimwit Kuwabara." he said sleepily.

Kurama laughed. "Silly." He walked into the hallway leading to the living room. "You're the one who pulled them out of my hair, you should know them."

Hiei's eyes shot open. But before he could say anything, Kurama had already carried him into the living room. And Miroku was at the karioke set singing, "But I'm a, slave, for you. I'm not trying to fight it. I'm not gonna hide it."

Everyone closed there ears trying desperately to block out the noise. "Miroku, didn't I tell you no singing?" Kurama yelled.

Miroku dropped the mic. "But I still have to finish my song for Hiei. I didn't get a chance to yesterday before he turned into the chiken."

"And we still have to grope him." Serena said on the couch.

"I still want his dick." said a still drunken Kaoru.

Wiggling out of Kurama's arms, Hiei ran out of the house and into the nearest alley. Running into the furthest darkest corner, he began to click his heels together.

"There's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home. I wanna go home now! This isn't funny anymore. Like it was ever funny to begin with."

A blue light shone over his body in the alley, and a blue fairy tripped over her shoes trying to land. "Damn shoes. I told those guys I needed flat heels."

She looked at Hiei who looked at her like she was crazy. "So, do you want to go home?" she asked him sweetly.

"That's what I've been saying the last two minutes, stupid." Hiei growled.

"Sheesh, aren't we crabby. Fine, I'll send you home." She waved her wand in the air. "Bippoty, boppoty, boo. Okay then, bye!" She poofed out of the alley.

"Wait a minute. This isn't my home. Come back here you damn fairy!" Hiei yelled. "I want to go home! I want my Kurama!"

"Hiei...Hiei, wake up. It's only a dream." Hiei opened his eyes to Kurama's voice.

"That's what you said last time fox." he mumbled.

Kurama looked confused. "What do you mean 'last time'?"

Hiei sat up in bed and looked around. Everything looked normal. Of course, they looked normal last time too. He looked to the bedside table. There was no small box with an empty silver packet. He turned back to Kurama and reached for his hair. All he found was the back of his neck again.

"What are you doing Hiei?" Kurama asked worriedly. Turning him around Hiei pinched him. He pulled back.

"Ouch, that hurt. Why did you pinch me Hiei?"

Without answering, Hiei pinched himself. "Ouch...That really did hurt." Hiei said and started smiling.

"Are you feeling alright Hiei?" Kurama asked. "You're really not being yourself."

"I'm fine fox. Never been better." His smile suddenly faded. "We don't have guests this morning do we? No one by the names of Shira, Miroku, or the Telletubbies?"

Without saying a word Kurama got off the bed and went to the phone and dialed in a number. "Yes, doctor? I think it's time my friend had a check up."

Getting up out of the bed Hiei hung up the phone, took the head set from Kurama's hand and sat it back in the cradle. "I said I'm fine Kurama. I don't need some ningen doctor telling me to say aah, and shove a wooden popsicle stick down my throat."

Raising his hands, he pulled Kurama's face down to his and kissed his sweet tasting lips. With a surrendering sigh, Kurama leaned into the kiss, answering Hiei's demands in full. After pulling away Hiei smiled.

"You taste good in the mornings, do you know that?" Kurama could only nod.

After kissing the side of his lips Hiei said, "You know, the bed is still warm."

Taking the hint, Kurama lifted Hiei in the air and walked with him back over to the bed. ::Now this is real.:: Hiei thought happily.

Darkdemonchild: rolfmao. Damn Shira and Shida did a good job with this fic. ^_^ well please review!!! And maybe I'll write a sequel to it, just cus I wanna put myself in it. ^_^