Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ The Yu Yu Hakusho Torture Realm ❯ Unconsciousness, Randimosity, and Gender Switching ( Chapter 7 )

*Sigh* Yes, I know I know, it has been almost a year since I last updated. Gomen nasai for that. I am so so sorry! I do promise that I will try and upload more and more frequent, because I think the insanity has only increased. *Snicker* You should feel sorry for our poor bishis, the torture is only beginning. Be ready for many appearances. I have promised much and my crazed fangirl mind has thought of many ideas, now only enjoy. Oh ya you know the fact that Vash's English voice actor used to be a Power Ranger? That is so scary! I mean nothing against Johnny Young Bosch, but I find the matter incredibly laughable. Well I think that deals with rantings about story. Please review, not only do they help me add faster, but they also rock my world. I love you my loyal fans, ((If you would call yourselves that)) and I promise many promises for you!

Yes, now I wanted to touch on a matter real fast. Please don't leave me complaints about how I picked on your favorite character. If you don't like it, don't read it. Enough people pick on Kazuma-kun enough that I think I have the right to mess with whoever I want. Don't take anything personal, they are just animated characters anyway. This time though, I'll warn you there will be a ton of Keiko and a bit of Hiei, Kurama, and Yukina bashing. I really don't have anything against the last three, I just think its funny to pick on them ^.^;; Well that was my official "Mei's Sane Rant of the Year"

Disclaimer: I don't own a single piece of yyh. *Sobs* I do own Mei, the realm, The Metal Mallet of Doom, and any other bits of oc's. The authors own themselves and the "Squeaky Mallets of Deathâ"¢" are copyrighted to Toko…XD! And Trusty the Mallet is copyrighted to Aisuerufu. Well enough with that, on to the story.

The Yu Yu Hakusho Torture Realm

Chapter 7: Unconsciousness, Randimosity, and Gender Switching

*Mei and the others look around for the source of the unknown whistle while Hiei tries to reawaken his beast*

Hiei: Arg, get up!

Mei: Who did it, who did it? They saved me a studio and insurance bills. *Sobs tears of joy*

*Hiei begins kicking the Kokuryuhaa as Mei is running around waving chibi victory flags*

Hiei: WAKE UP DAMNIT!

Everyone else: -_-;

Mei: Heh, now that I am done with that, please tell me who saved us? I promise to shower them with bishi blessings as they have done me quite a favor.

Hiei: Yes, show yourself, that way I can pay you back as well. *Fists begin to glow.*

Matoko: Like hell you will! *Bops him over the head with the Squeaky Mallet of Deathâ"¢.* *Squeak* *An evil smile snakes its way across her face as something appears in her hand* Oh, hey chibi!

Hiei: *Enraged* Never call me that again if you plan on living any longer.

Matoko: Now be a good midget or you don't get any of this. *Motions hand around a tub of ice cream*

Hiei: *Eyes light up as drool rolls down his chin* SWEET SNOW! GIMME NOW DAMNIT!

Matoko: *Snickers and holds the tub out of his reach* Be nice first.

Hiei: Hn… fine. Sweet snow?

*She nods and tosses the tub into the section of rabid Hiei fangirls. Lost of all sanity the fire youkai leaps after it, forgetting the unseen danger the fangirls hold*

Kurama: That was just plain mean.

Matoko: *Sticks out her tongue* Too bad.

*Screams are heard from Hiei fangirl section*

Mei: Ohh... that looks like it hurt. *Snicker*

*Suddenly a metallic noise is heard and the cluster of girls part*

Aisu: HAHAHAHA! You're mine now, Hiei and I am never letting you go. *She holds up her wrist, which is handcuffed and pokes Hiei in the ribs so he shows his handcuffed hand as well*

Hiei: Hn. I can break free you know.

Aisu: Nu uh! Not with these on. *Points to handcuffs* They were enchanted so that you can never leave.

Hiei: Feh, whatever ningen.

*She smirks*

Aisu: Sweet Snow!

Hiei: Sweet snow, where where! *His face slams to the ground*

Aisu: See, I said you would never leave me.

*Hiei sighs and sits down next to her*

Rabid Hiei fangirls: You wench! How dare you keep Hiei for yourself!

*Aisu smirks as she beats them all into oblivion with Trusty her err...well trusty mallet*

*Hiei's eyes widen then he smirks*

Mei: It's a miracle... I think Hiei has accepted being permanently attached to Aisu.

Audience((what's left of it)): O.O

Fangirl remains: x.x

Aisu: First the fangirls, then the world! Off with us my Hiei-sama!

Hiei: Hn. Sure.

Aisu: Thanks Mei! *Waves*

Mei: No problem! *Waves back*

Kurama: *Bursts into tears* Hiei I thought you loved me!

Everyone else: -_-;;

*Botan is smacking random people with her oar while Yusuke is flirting with random fangirls. Keiko is still unconscious but a bunch of penguins have gathered around and began poking her with their beaks*

Keiko: X.X

*Duo, Spike, and Goten are just kind of there*

Mei: OK THIS IS GETTING STUPID WHO DID IT?

*A rustle is heard and a girl steps forward. She has curly brown hair and brown eyes and is wearing a Kuwabara shirt*

Mystery girl: Hi, ya umm that was me who whistled. I umm wanted to help you and didn't like seeing the shorty hurt Kuwabara-kun.

Mei: WOOO YOU HATE HIEI TOO! *Dances* Well thank you soo soo soo much! *Glomps girl* Er umm who are you?

Girl: I'm...a...Jessi.

Mei: Well Jessi, I love you!

Duo: You have serious issues, don't you?

Spike: Ya, I didn't know you were like that.

*All fangirls snicker at what was said*

Mei: *Enraged* THAT'S IT! I am so going to kill you two!

Spike and Duo: I'd like to see you try. *They snicker along with Goten*

Mei: I've put up with you three long enough. I have enough problems with those pain in the ass fangirls for you guys to add to it... *Snaps her fingers and a portal appears*

*The portal changes too a crimson and out steps a figure*

Toko: Ohh ominous glow... I wonder...

Figure: Where is Ed?

Spike: Ed? Oh God, you had to bring her here?

*Ed steps forward*

Ed: Hi Spike-person!

Spike: Hi Ed. *Glares at Mei* Ok, you brought Ed. I am soo scared, what is she going to do?

*Mei smirks*

Botan: When she gets a look like that, I would look out.

Toko: *Nods* Yup, they are in for it......big time.

*Mei trots over to Ed and begins whispering in her ear*

Ed: Ed sees, so that is all, ok!

* Meanwhile on the other side of the room Yukina is busily glomping Kuwabara like a fangirl*

Kuwabara: *Blushing* Eh Yukina-san, I am all right now. Can you please let go?

Yukina: Oh Kazuma-sama! I am never letting you go!! I will hold you forever and ever!!

*A rumble is heard as something comes charging at the couple*

Kuwabara: Yukina-san, you have to move, there is a strong ki coming towards us.

*Yukina is too busy glomping him to realize what is going on*

Kuwabara: Eh, Yukina-san?

*Suddenly out of no where a large mallet falls on top of Yukina's head*

Jessi: TAKE THAT YOU...YOU... KUWABARA STEALER!

*Whacks Yukina repeatedly over the head with the Metal Mallet of Doom*

Kuwabara: YUKINA-SAN!

Jessi: Forget about her, Kazuma-kun. I am all yours now! *Jumps into his arms*

*Kuwabara blushes*

Jessi: See, it wasn't that hard to forget about her. *Prods Yukina with her foot*

Yukina: X.x

Toko: Hey! KUWABARA IS MINE! *Lunges for Jessi just as Jounouchi walks right past her* On better thought, you can have him for now. *Chases down Jounouchi*

*Back to the others*

Ed: *Punching things into her keyboard* Ed almost done, Mei-person!

Mei: Thanks, but Mei is just fine.

Ed: Ok Mei-person.

Mei: u_u

Duo: What are you going to do, bore us to death.

Goten: I've had worse things done to me. *yawns*

Mei: Just you wait...

Ed: All done Mei-person!

Mei: Thanks Ed, now lets hope it works. I didn't buy that thing for nothing.

*Ed nods and begins typing quickly*

Spike: So you think we are going to just follow you into a trap like idiots?

Duo: Ya, we are smarter than that!

Goten: I'm naïve, but I'll follow what they do.

*Duo and Spike facefault*

*Suddenly a cigarette pack appears on the other side of the room, along with a cell phone, and a bunch of expensive Gundam parts. Forgetting about the whole revenge ploy they blindly stumble forward to retrieve things they have been denied while in the realm. It was mainly due to the fact that it would annoy the hell out of Mei to have spike randomly lighting his cigarette, Goten's phone ringing every 5 seconds, and Duo putting together the Gundam parts during the interviews.*

Mei: Bakas...

*As they reach their desired things something latches onto their head*

All three: What the hell?

*Ed types quickly as sparks fly from the boys and smoke covers the stage*

Yusuke: Mei, what the hell are you doing now? *Shrugs and continues talking to fangirls*

*Kuwabara and Jessi are talking and not paying attention*

*Matoko and Jounouchi are too busy making out to notice*

Jounou: *Snickers* See, I told Yugi I had some fanbase.

Kurama: *Sniffle* Why o why Hiei-chan? *Sob*

Yukina: X.x

Botan: *Coughing against the smoke* Mei is everything all right?

Mei: I think, Ed what does it say?

Ed: Almost done!

*The smoke clears to reveal*

Audience: O.O

Others on stage: O.o

Spike: What? *Clamps hand to mouth*

Goten: Hey you sound funny...

Duo: Why does my chest feel so heavy? *Looks down and yelps*

Goten: What? *Mei hands him a mirror and he begins running around in circles*

Spike: *Takes a deep breath. Looks into mirror and screams* You... You... TURNED US INTO WOMEN!

Audience: *Gasp*

*Mei snickers triumphantly*

Mei: Oh yes, but fear not, your torture is not nearly finished! *Snaps fingers as 3 people step forward* First I give you Heero Yuy!

Duo: NANI?

Mei: Yes, Heero here has agreed to come on the show if I promised him a woman he would finally love. One that would definitely not be as annoying as Relena.

Heero: Hn.

Duo: *High barely audible voice* Please don't tell me...

Mei: Yes, Heero meet Duo-chan! *Motions towards the newly gender switched Duo*

*Heero raises an eyebrow*

Duo-chan: *Shrugs* Hi there Heero! *Waves enthusiastically*

Heero: Hn, this will do. I'll spare your life. *He throws Duo-chan over his shoulders and walks in the general direction of the nearest closet*

Audience: O.O

Goten and Spike: You monster!

Mei: Aw, he knows he wants it.

*1x2 fangirls in the audience burst into applause*

Mei: And for you. *Points to Goten* I have a present for you as well. *Motions to next figure* I now introduce to everyone Trunks Briefs!

*Trunks fangirls in the audience go nuts*

Goten: T... t... Trunks?

Mei: Trunks, I am pleased to introduce to you Goten-chan.

Trunks: Goten-chan? *Disgusted face*

Mei: No, not that Goten. Does she even look like him. *Trunks scans the large chested raven-haired girl. Her dark eyes blinked a few times in amazement while she mouthed "Its me you Baka."*

Trunks: Nope, doesn't look a thing like Goten. He would never be that hot as a girl.

Goten: *Mumble* You want to bet...

Trunks: What was that?

Goten: Oh nothing Trunks-kun. Let's get this over with.

*Both exit towards the city*

Mei: And finally you... *Grabes Spike by the collar* I have a special surprise for you.

*The third person walks up*

Spike: Heh, nothing you can do will phase me. I have no yaoi pairing.((Ok, I'm actually not sure of this, but if there is some bebop yaoi pairings... they aren't nearly as popular as the Gundam and DBZ ones))

Mei: That may be, Spike Spiegel, but I have someone that will help me out.

Faye: HAHAHAHA! Spike is that you! *Rolls on floor laughing*

Spike: *Clenched teeth* You brought her...You know one of the things I can't stand is women with an attitude.

Mei: *Laughs insanely* Yes and I think you like her more than you let on.

Spike: *Blush* I do...do... not!

Mei: Righttt... Faye your turn!

Faye: *Giggle* Ya sure. *Whips out a camera and begins taking pictures of the female Spike*

Spike: Please no more! *Tears up seeing that he now has feminine hormones*

Mei: A little longer. *Waits a few more minutes* Ok that's enough. Duo and Goten can wait till they get back. But I'll change you back seeing you are quite emotional. Ed ready to turn them back!

Ed: Ed is ready yes yes Mei-person! *She connects Spike to the machine and begins typing quickly*

Spike: Please do this soon!

Mei: We are!

*Suddenly a loud blast is heard and the machine erupts into millions of pieces*

Mei: Uh oh...

Spike: *Smoking* What was that?

Mei: Nothing... *Whistles*

Ed: Mei-person it blew... boom boom it went!

Spike: WHAT?!! *Ear shattering scream*

Mei: *Covers ears* Can't hear, ears bleeding. *Convulses*

*A coughing and sputtering is heard as all turn around*

Everyone: O.O

Kurama: Nani?

Mei: *Snickers* I KNEW IT ALL ALONG!!

Kurama: *Looks at reflection* I'm a... woman! *Passes out*

Mei: I TOLD YOU! *Snickers*

Spike: WAIT WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS MEAN?

Botan: I'd take it means that you may be a woman for a while longer. *Kitty face*

Spike: I WHAT?

Mei: Chill, here take this *Reaches into kanji space, pulls out a credit card, and hands it to him... wait I mean her* Max it out if you want. You and Faye go enjoy some gambling or something.

Faye: *Grabbing Spike's arm* Come on, you dunno what we are missing!

Spike: Help me...

*Both exit*

Botan: Whose card was that?

Mei: *Evil grin* Oh, just one of Koenma's cards he just had laying around.

Botan: Oh, I like how you think!

Mei: Well now that that's over with...

Kurama: WHO SAID THAT WAS OVER WITH... FIX ME NOW! *Screeching*

*Windows burst as everyone holds their ears*

Mei: Eh, well Ed has to fix the problem so we have to wait.

Kurama: I am mistaken for a girl far too much. YOU ARE GOING TO CHANGE ME BACK NOW! *Grabs Mei by the collar of her shirt*

*Suddenly the closet door flies open and Duo-chan and Heero fly out. Both stand quickly and walk slowly towards their seats*

Everyone: O.O

*Duo's braided hair is everywhere and his blouse is half buttoned and Heero's shorts are on backwards ((Wait they are spandex, how can I tell you ask? I just can))*

Duo: Er... I can explain?

*Kurama calmly places Mei down and runs away to cleanse his now scarred for life eyes*

Mei: *Whistles* Er umm, Heero you know that is Duo, right?

*Heero nods*

Mei: *Nosebleed*

*Heero picks up Duo, clicks a button on his remote, and Wing Zero crashes through the ceiling. They fly off to space together.*

Duo: Mei lemme know when you fix your gender-switching thing. Heero stop it, wait until I get in!

Mei: MY STUDIO! I think I need to lie down. *Promptly passes out*

*Toko and Jounouchi look around, shrug and continue in their make out session*

*Yusuke picks up his fangirl and runs out*

Fangirl: Oh Yusuke-sama!

*Keiko's body has been abducted by aliens and is now being placed experiments on*

*Jessi and Kuwabara are busily chatting and getting to know one another*

Botan: Well this is nice... they have all left me alone... or semi alone. *Eyes unconscious Mei, Yukina, and the two couples*

*Suddenly Yukina begins twitching*

Botan: Hey Yukina, are you alright?

*Yukina sits up, looks around, and then smirks*

Botan: Well that is quite out of character.

Yukina: *Freezing random things* HAHAHAHA! Feel the wrath of Yukina the all-powerful Koormine Maiden! *Runs around wreaking havoc*

Botan: I feel a string of random events coming on...

*A loud rumble is heard as two figures approach*

Botan: Eh, hi?

Figures #1: This is Red and Miko here, two very loyal reviewers and fellow Kuwa-kun lovers that Mei happened to forget to add into the story.

Miko: Ya you hear that, we are on here now. Eat your heart out.

Red: While we have your attention we wanted you evil Kurama and Hiei fangirls to know that Kuwabara is and always will be the best yyh character out there!

*Miko sets off fireworks as Red dances. They show off their new Kuwabara plushies*

Miko: That is all you bakas, carry on! *Both exit*

Botan: Okayyyy... *Suddenly a loud crash is heard as one of the walls falls in*

Aisu: Here we are my Hiei, this is their headquarters!

Hiei: LET'S GET THEM!!((This is a very sweet snow sugar high Hiei))

Aisu: *Looking around* This is not FUNimation headquarters is it?

Botan: Nope.

Aisu: *Sweatdrop* Ooops... well we weren't here ok?

Botan: Sure, whatever.

Aisu: Now my Hiei, off to kill the evil Funi people!

Hiei: YEAH!

*Both exit*

Mei: *Sitting up* What was that noise... O.O *Looks around. Sees realm in ruins* MY REALM... MY BEAUTIFUL TORTURE REALM IT IS RUINED! *Sobs*

Botan: Looks like we should end this now, shouldn't we?

*Yukina runs past chasing random audience members*

Random Audience Members: HELP US!

Mei: *Sniff* Ya we should end it.

Ed: Ed fixed the problem Mei-person. *Clicks Enter Key*

*All lights that are left in the realm go off*

Mei: EDWARD WONG au Pepelu Tivrusky the 4th!

Ed: Ed can fix that!

Mei: Stay tuned next week, where we interview everyone's favorite toddler demi-god, Koenma! Oh I need an aspirin.

END

Hostess: Mei

Co Host: Toko

Anime Panel: Goten, Spike, and Duo

Interviewees: Yusuke, Kuwabara, Hiei, and Kurama

Guests: Botan, Yukina, Heero, Trunks, Faye, Aisu, Jessi, Miko, Red, and Jounouchi((man that's a lot))

Author's Notes:

Man I such a fun time writing that! Umm ok some random notes and ramblings here. I know I kinda lost the story at the end. Oh well, please gimme a break I haven't written in a while and I needed to let the rust out. As for Kurama bashing, I know there was a lot, but it was just in good faith I like Kurama, I really do. Umm nothing more to say on the story really.

Ok, I know there are some major overdue appearances of my reviewers due. Well I came up with a system to fix that ^-^. Not really getting into how, but please if any of you guys like or really love Koenma, please let me know! Or if you really hate him let me know. As for reviews, please I would love them. If the reviewer says the magical words in their review they get a present! ((XD)) Umm ok oh and if you know anyone who loves yyh and insanity let them know about the story.

Oh anyone going to Otakon? If so and you see me there say hi! How will you know it's me? Well on day one look for Ken Hidaka, day two looky for Nuriko, and day three look for the rabid fangirl... XD! Just say OH HEY MEI I READ THE YYHTR! XD.

Finally some fics I'm advertising! More next chapter I promise. ((If I forgot u I'm sorry))

Tales of Revenge and Sweet Snow by Jesscheaux http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1403135 Excellent humor fic written about revenge of the yyh guys. Part 3 of a huge batch of stories it is a must read!

A Stork For Sanosuke by Imbrium Iridum http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1352001 OMG this story is soooo funny! It's the sequel of the equally funny A Stork for Sessha and about the thought of pregnant men. Can't miss a chance to read this!