Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Trials of the Heart ❯ Confessions of the Soul ( Chapter 2 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
Trials of the Heart
Chapter Two:
KuwaL: Hello everyone ^_^. Here is the beginning of this team up fic! I am very excited about this fic because I'm not working on it alone ^_^. I can be lazy and not let you guys down hahaha. Just kidding. This is a joint effort by both Fayth and I. ^_^.
This chapter I mostly written, however, there are parts that Fayth had a hand in at writing. I think you guys would be able to tell, however, it's not like our two writing styles are clashing or anything, not at all! So you guys, guess which part which one of us wrote ^_^. They actually complement each other, which is very funny because we do have two different types of writing style! You'll see what I mean; especially if you read Blood and Roses by Fayth and then take a glance at A Dream Come True…speaking of which…I should really start on chapter 25 shouldn't I? ^_^; Ok I hope you guys enjoy this chapter.
Fayth: I don't really have anything to say (for a change ^-^). Just that I'm really looking forward to writing this story with KuwaL. I think that everyone will enjoy this ( know it is fun writing it) Well enough from me I'm sure you want to get to the next chapter ^-^.
Disclaimer: Neither Fayth or I own YYH nor the characters….if Fayth owned them I would demand that she shared it with me (grins) I would certainly shared if I did own it! We are not making any money from this fic…trust me, if we did we would be doing other stuff, I know I would ^_^;
Fayth: I know this wasn't nessary but I had to put it. If ,by some stroke of stange luck I did end up owning Yu Yu Hakusho I would give all rights of Kuwabara to KuwaL. Thats her favorite charater and she would probably kill me if I didn't. ^_^; I would keep Hiei for myself ^_^
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Kuwabara sat looking at the clock slowly, almost painfully, tick by. It had been weeks since he could really put his full attention to his class work. With everything going on around him, solving complicated equations wasn't very appealing. His closest friend, and fellow teammate, was out there somewhere alone and hurting.
At first when Yusuke didn't come around Kuwabara figured, that was due to his losing Keiko. They had loved each other before they even knew it. When they finally did realize the truth it was too little to late, and all because of a stupid mistake.
Kuwabara wouldn't be able to forget the look on Yusuke's face if he lived to be a hundred. Spirit world should have just made an exception for that case. It wasn't fair that they could have brought her back if it fit their purposes. The haunted look in his friends eyes had torn him up inside almost as badly as Yusuke finding out Keiko couldn't be reincarnated for committing suicide.
Kuwabara wished that damned demon wasn't already dead. He would have loved nothing more than to kill the bastard all over again.
Letting out a sigh, he looked at the clock aga in noting the fact that it was only three minutes until lunch. It wasn't a big consolation, but at least he knew the day would be a little more than half over by the time the next class started.... Then again, he had half a mind to just skip the rest of the day.
After what seemed like forever, Kuwabara grabbed his lunch and made his way to the roof. Usually he didn't go up there but he was getting sick and tired of the rumors that were being spread about Yusuke. He was almost certain that the rat faced Akashi and Iwamoto were the ones that started it. Everyone was saying that he caused Keiko's death and that was some of the nicer things.
Takenaka was probably the only person keeping him from being expelled out right. There were several times Kuwabara wanted nothing more then to bash a few skulls together for all of the jokes they were passing around school.
As he opened the door, he saw something he didn't expect to see or more to the point someone. Urameshi Yusuke toughest punk of Sarayashiki was sitting on the roof staring out into space. He was in a world of his own and did even hear as Kuwabara shut the door.
It wasn't as if he wasn't happy to see the boy; he just figured Yusuke wasn't going to come back. It had been at least a week or so since Kurama talked to him. About two and a half months since he had showed up anywhere.
Finally taking in his appearance, Kuwabara realized he looked like someone that had been dragged into and out of hell then back again just for kicks. His cloths were a mess, wrinkled beyond anything Kuwabara had ever seen on him. His hair was a bit longer then before, flying around in the constant gusty wind, and he didn't have any gel in it. However, his eyes were probably the most troubling to look at. It seemed as if someone had sucked the light right out of chocolate brown eyes.
Kuwabara just stood there looking at his friend. Kuwabara could literally sense the pain and torment his best friend was feeling; it was so powerful that Kuwabara himself found himself wanting to cry for his best friend. Kuwabara knew the feelings his best friend was going through and could relate with him.
When Yusuke left for those three years to discover his ancestry and learn about his demon heritage Kuwabara had gone into a depression that even had his sister in a panic. It lasted for the first six months that his best friend had left.
His gang had even noticed the change in their friend and leader. Kuwabara didn't have the erg to fight, he didn't talk; he didn't even eat which had caused him to lose a noticeable amount of weight and took him those three years to build most of that weight back. Kuwabara had closed himself off to everyone and to him self. This was when Kuwabara dedicated himself to school, using it as an outlet to escape from reality. He had stunned everyone with the improvements of his scores; no one expected the teen to be as intelligent as he was.
However, he wasn't himself, and everyone could see it. Even the teachers who had lost hope on him and Yusuke and had labeled him as a delinquent who would never amount to anything saw the difference with the teen. However, it was considered it as a win for their many efforts to get rid of the punk.
They relished in Kuwabara's misery especially since it was helping the school with not only it's punk population; now having one less punk to deal with, but had raised the school's grade point average up by one point, which was a plus. They never cared that Kuwabara's mental state was unstable and that it wasn't healthy for the teen. Kuwabara would have stayed in this state of depression if it weren't for Keiko, who seemed to take Yusuke's leave better then Kuwabara.
Keiko understood why Kuwabara was acting the way he was. She was hurting her self, however s he was a believer of fate and true love; which was the same philosophy Kuwabara ruled his life by along side his morals. She truly believed that when love was concerned, love would conquer any hardship or any obstacles that got in the way. No matter how long she had to wait, she would wait for the one she loved until he returned to her waiting arms.
Keiko had been the crutch for Kuwabara while Yusuke was gone for those three years just as much as he was hers. She had snapped Kuwabara out of his depression; telling him that Yusuke was going to come back and when he did he would rather see his best friend and not a depr essed Kuwabara who had let something so stupid as being separated from his best friend for a short time get him down.
Kuwabara felt as if he owed her for what she did for him. It was her who helped him mature over those three years and helped him learn that things happen for a reason and if you try to mess with what fate has planed for you then it will only end up hurting you more in the end; never finding happiness.
In the end, Keiko had done the very thing she had warned Kuwabara not to do. She had lost her faith in the ideal of fate and love the minute she drank that poison. Kuwabara didn't blame her for what she did, he knew he would have done the same thing if he had lost the one he loved to an eternal sleep; he would have wanted to join them.
Kuwabara was just as upset over Kei ko's death just as Yusuke and had made a silent promise at her funeral that he would watch over her Yusuke and help him just as she had done for him. Just thinking of the girl who was the closet thing to a little sister, along with the deep emotions coming from his best friend had Kuwabara wanting to cry even more.
Kuwabara shook his head at the idea of crying. Crying wouldn't help his friend in his time of need, and he was a guy; guys don't cry. Kuwabara took in a deep breath and walked up to his best friend, and dropped down, sitting down; landing right next to him. He glanced over to Yusuke and noticed either Yusuke didn't notice that he was there, or he didn't want to talk.
Kuwabara sighed and leaned back against the wall, staring up into the sky. He figured he would give Yusuke a bit more time to think. He really didn't know what to say to him. Kuwabara couldn't imagine what kind of hell and pain his best friend was going through. He him self hadn't ever experienced the same kind of lost Yusuke had. Kuwabara felt, though he had experienced the pain of losing a loved one. Kuwabara felt that he just needed to sit with his best friend and think, before saying anything; or wait for Yusuke to talk.
Kuwabara figured Yusuke would tell him eventually since they were best friends and they tell each other everything and just knew each other too well. He knew Yusuke would need time and Yusuke would know when he was ready to talk.
“Keiko used to find me in this exact spot at lunch.”
Kuwabara looked over towards Yusuke and saw a beer bottle in his hand.
He frowned at the bottle.
“It's my mom's, took it from the fridge. Keiko would have taken it from me already.” Yusuke snorted.
“She always seemed to ruin my fun, ya know? She wouldn't leave me alone about everything and anything. Everything I did she yelled at me for it. I could never make her happy.” Yusuke stopped to take a sip from the bitter liquid, never once looking at his friend.
Kuwabara bit his lip.
It was hard for Kuwabara, especially since he wanted to scream at his friend, hit him, and insult him. Kuwabara was pissed that Yusuke lied knowing too well that Yusuke really didn't mean those words.
Kuwabara wanted to make Yusuke snap out of this dark mood, he wanted to have his best friend back, however, it wasn't that simple. He knew better then that. He knew Yusuke needed to let it all out; having known that it's never a good idea to keep such dark emotions cooped up within one's heart.
Yusuke stared out into the sky, looking ready to break down any minute.
“She would never leave me alone. She was more motherly then my own mom; Hell she coulda been my mom the way she bitched at me all the time.”
Yusuke turned his dark eyes towards Kuwabara's sad and understanding brown eyes.
“The weird part is….”
Yusuke paused to glance down towards the beer bottle and keep his eyes focused on the bottle, not able to look Kuwabara in the eyes.
“I miss it. No matter how many times I said and wished she would stop her nagging and bitching….I find my self waiting to hear her call early in the morning to tell me to get my ass to school. I hear her voice every time I do something I know she'd yell at me for…” Yusuke sipped more from the beer bottle, the effects of the liquid not seeming to take effect on him yet.
Yus uke looked Kuwabara straight at Kuwabara and gave a small laugh.
“And the crazy thing is I find my self missing her slaps…”
Yusuke's smile was only upon his lips for a mere second before he turned his dead eyes away from his friend and unconsciou sly place his free hand on the cheek that should have an imprint from the many times Keiko slapped him.
“Kurama told me that it would take time and I already know that it would be a long time before the hurting would stop, but damn it, I can't stand it! I just want this to stop…all this pain…. all the things that remind me of her…I wish I could just forget her and have this pain just go away…” Yusuke says.
“Urameshi.” Kuwabara says in a low voice.
Yusuke turns and finds a fist hitting his face, knocking him back wards.
Kuwabara stands up and towers over the depressed teen.
"That's a lie and you know it. Do you think it would make you happier not to know her? I know you better then that Urameshi! You would feel worse if you didn't remember her or remember you knew her! You would feel empty inside! You would know that you were missin' something! You would miss her and not know it was her you were missing and that would be far worse then this pain!"
Kuwabara stared down at a shocked Yusuke, who could only look at Kuwabara with dead eyes. He knew Kuwabara was right.
Yusuke closed his eyes and sighed.
“You're right…. but I just hate his…I hate this whole fucking thing…I loved her man, I really loved her and I'll never see her again; not even in my next life! I never even told her that I loved her…” Yusuke said, tears threaten to fall.
Kuwabara felt a pain in his heart.
Kuwabara knew the feeling too well. He knew the pain and regret of not letting the one he loved know that he had loved them. Kuwabara had lost someone close to his own heart; his father. He had died in a car accident on the way to one of Kuwabara's baseball game, which he had begged his father to attend. Kuwabara regretted the fact that the last words to his father before hanging up the phone were:
“If ya truly loved me you'd be here watchin' me!”
Kuwabara wished he could have at least told him how much he loved him. He knew the last words he had spoken to his father were harsh and that he really didn't mean them. They were the words of a twelve year old's words; one that was starting to get those hormonal temper tantrums.
The pain was equal to Yusu ke's however was at the same time; making Kuwabara understand yet at the same time not being able to fully comprehend the pain his best friend was going through. The pain of losing a parent and the pain of loosing the love of your life are two completely different pains and yet similar for the connection to having loved someone and have them close to your heart.
Kuwabara kneeled down in front of the now sitting Yusuke. He grabbed his shoulders, shaking Yusuke out of his daze with the contact and brought him into an awkward hug.
The two stayed in the hug in complete silence; neither knowing what to say to the other. Their silence was all they needed, making Yusuke settle down a bit and making him feel a bit better, though a hug can not erase all the pain of losing the one you loved.
“I don't know what to do anymore Kuwabara…I just feel like this pain is killing me…like I don't even want to live…” Yusuke didn't finish his sentence.
"Don't. Killing yer self won't bring her back and it definitely wouldn't make you happy. You don't even know if you kill yer self if you'll see her again…and even if you do, do you really think she'll be happy to see you? I can tell you that she would hate you if you killed your self just to see her and be with her..." His voice became just above a whisper.
"She wouldn't want you to make the same mistake she did." Kuwabara hugged his friend harder, fear consuming his entire body.
Kuwabara never thought he would hear the day nor see the day for that matter where Urameshi Yusuke admitted defeat, let alone the fact considering to committing suicide. Kuwabara knew he wouldn't be able to handle it if his best friend committed suicide. He would not only be losing one of the few things that keep him sane and one of the few things he truly loved; but it would be a broken promise; the promise to watch Yusuke and to make sure he would be happy and would be taken cared of. He made a promise and Hell; he wouldn't break his promise, especially to Keiko.
Yusuke stiffened in Kuwabara's embrace. Kuwabara's voice had dropped when he had said that. He used the same voice after he had defeated Ani Toguro in the Dark Tournament and confronted Yusuke for not telling him about Genkai being killed by Ototo Toguro.
“Promise me Urameshi…promise me that you won't kill yer self…I won't ask anything else from you for the rest of my life…I don't know what I'd do if I lost you again…you already died enough times….I don't want to really lose you…even when you came back last time…I didn't know what to do…I didn't know how I would survive…I was going to stay sane for Keiko's sake, but…” Kuwabara couldn't finish his statement and had to take several breaths before speaking again; not releasing Yusuke from his embrace.
“I miss her too Urameshi…she was the little sister I always wanted…so please…just promise me that you will not do anything stupid and kill yer self…” Kuwabara said, holding Yusuke tighter as if he was going to disappe ar right in front of him.
Yusuke was quiet. He didn't want to make that promise. He didn't know if he was able to keep such a promise, and it pained him to realize that Kuwabara had thought of Keiko the way he did. He didn't realize Kuwabara was hurting just as much as he was.
“I don't think I can, Kuwabara…” Yusuke says finally moving from Kuwabara's embrace.
Kuwabara looks into Yusuke's eyes, both were looking like they would cry any minute.
“Please…just promise me…Yusuke.” Kuwabara as ks, looking dead into Yusuke's eyes.
Yusuke stiffened at his name.
It was rare when Kuwabara would use his first name when talking directly at him. Yusuke had heard Kuwabara use his name indirectly or when he was talking to certain people; however he heard Kuwabara use it when talking directly to him only when the situation was serious and he wanted Yusuke to take him seriously.
“If not for me…then please do it for Keiko…” Kuwabara says, never turning from Yusuke's eyes.
Yusuke sighed and closed his eyes.
“Fine…I promise…” Yusuke said, opening his eyes.
Yusuke scoots to the wall and leans back on it again, with Kuwabara joining, sitting to his side.
“Kuwabara…”
“Yeah Urameshi?”
“Thanks…I really needed that…the talk, not the hug…” Yusuke said, giving his best friend a weak smile.
Kuwabara smiled back, a sigh of relief at the small step Yusuke made; slowly turning back to his old self.
Kuwabara knew that it would take a long time before Yusuke would come close to his old self. He was just happy that Yusuke was at least making an effort to return to normal.
“Anytime man…” Kuwabara says.
The two best friends look at each other, a small smile coming to their lips as they sat on top of the roof just hanging out with each other; both ignoring the bell that signified that lunch was over.
“So where did ya go? I mean, I haven't seen you for a long time.” Kuwabara asks, a bit curious where Yusuke could have gone for such a long time and not being able to be found.
Koenma had even tried to locate the depressed teen and couldn't even find him.
Yusuke shrugged.
“No where really. Just walked around the demon world kickin' some demon ass and just trying to clear my head.” Yusuke says leaning back and staring out into the sky.
Kuwabara nodded, knowing that fighting was a way that he himself did just to clear his mind and think about things.
He found that they were two of a kind in many areas. If only Yusuke was a human. If it wasn't for the fact that Yusuke had that demon blood that had awakened turning his fight with Sensui and turning him into a demon; if not for that fact then the two could have been in some way related.
“It just wasn't enough…I just couldn't get my mind off of her…and it wasn't just her that made me go off…it was a dream that I had the night she died…when I fell asleep that is…. it took me forever to sleep and I think it was cause of my mom…I think she slipped a sleeping pill in my soda…but that' s not the point, the point is that it was a strange dream….” Yusuke shivered as he thought about the strange dream.
“How's that?” Kuwabara asks with a hint of curiosity in his eyes as he glances over to Yusuke.
“Well I found my self at school and Ke iko was there. It was like her death was the dream and like she actually being there and alive was real…well, she grabbed my ear, nagging like she normally does and about me trying to skip school again. I yelled at her to let go, and I mean I could actually feel her pulling my ear. It was weird.” Yusuke says, subconsciously rubbing the ear that was pulled in the dream.
“Then I pushed her away, ya know, to get her off and she fell. I looked at her as she laid on the ground and she wasn't moving. I could feel my breath get caught in my throat. I called her name and then I saw blood coming from her head. It was really deep and rich and it was the only color that I could see. I just stood there in shock when all of a sudden, I saw Keiko's sprit rise out of her body! She looked at me with sad brown eyes and said: `I'm sorry Yusuke…I loved you…I wish you would have gotten the chance to see your son…you would have been a great father…' ”Yusuke shivered at that memory of the dream.
Kuwabara looked seriously at his best friend and waited for Yusu ke to continue.
“Then I found my self at a funeral and everyone was there, like I mean you, Shizuru, even Hiei was there.” Yusuke chuckled at that because it had actually happened at Keiko's actual funeral; Hiei had showed up and Kurama didn't even have to force him.
Yusuke continued.
“The thing that got to me was you guys were all there saying that it was all my fault she died and that I didn't just kill one person, but two! That confused me, until I remembered what Keiko said earlier…Then you guys disappeared and left me there…all alone…” Yusuke looked down at the now empty bottle of beer, which had been knocked over when Kuwabara had embraced him; spilling the liquid atop of the cement floor.
“I found my self looking down at her casket that was lying in the earth and all of a sudden I fell into the grave. It felt like I was falling forever and when I finally landed I felt my whole body aching. I looked up and saw a hand shot out of this blinding light. It was a guy's hand, and I knew cause it was rough and stuff and it was the person's left hand. I took it my left hand since I couldn't do it with my right hand cause they gave me there left hand and I grabbed onto that guy's left hand and they helped me onto my feet and that's when I woke up.” Yusuke says.
“It's cause you feel guilty that's all, it wasn't your fault.” Kuwabara says looking deep into Yusuke's eyes.
Yusuke couldn't look Kuwabara in the eyes, feeling guilty. He knew it wasn't his fault, but he felt like he still could have done something, anything to save not only her life, but also her soul.
“I know that, but that's not why I thought it was weird. Keiko, in the dream, said that I would have been a great father and that I wouldn't get to see my son…”
Yusuke looked at Kuwabara with sad eyes.
“Well, it's not like it's true. You two never did anything.” Kuwabara says.
Yusuke fidgeted a bit.
Kuwabara blinked at a now blushing Yusuke.
“Ya mean yer not a virgin anymore!” shouts a shocked Kuwabara.
Yusuke covered Kuwabara's mouth with both of his hands.
“Shut up, you idiot! Yes. I'm not a virgin anymore and Keiko was my first…” Yusuke removed his hands and sat back down, looking down at his hands sadly.
Kuwabara looked at his friend in awe.
“Man Urameshi…I didn't know…I mean I never thought you two would do anything until ya got married…does anyone know?”
“No one knows, except for you now…not even her parents…they still think she's a virgin…” Yusuke sighed, feeling a bit uneasy with the subject.
Kuwabara sensed his friend's uneasiness and decided not to push it.
“So what? You think Keiko might have been…pregnant?” Kuwabara asks, giving Yusuke a look.
“I don't know…I know it's just a dream and shit, but I mean…I can't help but think about it, I mean I dreamt it the same night Keiko died…It could have been a message or something…you know, like when I came to you guys when I died that first time.” Yusuke said looking at Kuwabara.
Kuwabara nodded.
“Well, why don't you talk to Koenma, maybe he could tell you, if you really wanted to know.” Kuwabara suggested.
Yusuke growled.
“I don't want to see that asshole! He didn't even try to save Keiko! He just let his father let her go to limbo or where ever the Hell suicide people go! He didn't even try to bring her back! To Hell with that binky breath bastard!” Yusuke snorted, crossing his arms across his chest.
“That's not true, Urameshi! Koenma tried to get his father to bring Keiko back! It's just his dad's strict with that kind of stuff…but then again I guess he knows what he's doing; I mean he's been the king of the dead for like ever…” Kuwabara said.
Yusuke sighed.
“I still don't want to see him.”
“Then I'll go with you.” Kuwabara said.
Yusuke looked at the sincere look Kuwabara had on his face. He was willing to go with Yusuke and faced Koenma; asking the demi-god a question that could seriously damaged the already hurting Yusuke. Yusuke knew his best friend wouldn't give up until Yusuke went to ask that question that had been bothering him for those months he had vanished.
“We don't even know how to see him. I mean the only way we can reach him is through Botan, and I don't know how to reach her.” Yusuke says.
Kuwabara thought for a minute before a goofy grin appeared on his face.
“I don't think that will be a problem.”
Yusuke looked confused at Kuwabara's goofy grin.
“Huh?”
“She's coming our way.” Kuwabara says, standing up.
Yusuke looked up at his best fr iend, even more confused.
“What the Hell are you talking about?” Yusuke asks, but before Kuwabara could answer, his answer came towards him on an oar.
Botan flew up to the two of them, looking a bit upset.
“Oh I'm so glad to find the both of you! Koenma needs your help! He already sent for Kurama and Hiei to see if they can help.” Botan says.
Yusuke blinked at the deity of death. He stood up.
“Tell binky breath I'm not interested.” He turns away to walk away and finds a hand on his shoulder.
Yusuke looks over his shoulder to look at a grim Kuwabara.
“Urameshi, just go. You can ask him that question. It might help if you knew…besides, if Keiko was here she would have wanted you to help…”
Yusuke tensed.
He knew Kuwabara was right. Even though Keiko had complained over how much Yusuke had risked his life for her and for the entire world, she still respected what he did and was actually proud to have him as her fiancé.
Yusuke took Kuwabara's hand and removed it from his shoulder. He then turned to face him.
“That was a low blow, man.” Yusuke glared at Kuwabara, who glared back.
Botan felt weird sitting on her oar. She could understand Yusuke's feelings and really didn't blame him, she her self was upset over the loss of Keiko. She was her best friend. It had hurt Botan so much, at what happened that she wasn't able to do her duty and take Keiko's spirit to where all of the other suicide spirits go after committing the horrible act. They had to use another deity; a grim reaper in training take Keiko to the place she would be living in for the rest of eternity.
“Please Yusuke…we really need your help…” Botan says, turning say pink eyes towards Yusuke's dull chocolate brown eyes.
Botan shivered under those eyes that showed no light.
Yusuke sighed.
“Fine…” He walked past Kuwabara and stood under Botan.
“Let's go Botan.”
Botan couldn't look at that sad look anymore and turned towards Kuwabara.
“Alright, let's go guys.” She says cheerfully, not willing to express her true feelings.
Kuwabara nodded and came up to the other two. Botan lowered her oar and had Kuwabara sitting behind her, followed by Yusuke, who sat behind Kuwabara. Yusuke would have sat behind Botan if he didn't hesitate, but Kuwabara just climbed on and wrapped his arms around Botan's waist, as she had recommended doing.
“Alright Yusuke, hold on to Kuwabara.” Botan said.
“Hell no! I'm not gay!” Yusuke said.
Kuwabara sighs.
“Stop being an ass. Yer gonna fly off if you don't hold on to something!” Kuwabara says, turning around enough to give Yusuke a glare.
Yusuke glared back.
“I don't care, I'm not gonna wrap my arms around you. I'll just hold onto the oar.” Yusuke says, holding onto the oar that was empty behind Kuwabara.
“Alright. Here we go!” Botan say s, taking off.
Yusuke had forgotten what a crazy driver Botan was and let go of the oar for a second before grabbing onto Kuwabara.
Kuwabara laughed, which earned him a growl from Yusuke.
“Shut up!” Yusuke shouted as he pressed himself as close to Kuwabara as he could; afraid of flying off.
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Well that's it! I hope you guys enjoyed our story! We'll try as soon as possible to get the next chapter up! Later!