Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Waiting To Live Again ❯ PART 5 ( Chapter 5 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

A/N: All your questions shall be answered, and your answers questioned, all in good time. Just keep your pants on kids, and don't get all excited. Don't know what that means exactly, but I'm sure YOU understood it perfectly, ne? ^_~ Anyway, I reread PART 4 and I was like, 'I'm such a bastard!' And it was cool. ^_^ Anyway, I really don't know how much more there is gonna be (hopefully a lot), but I'm trying to find a way to explain this and then end it. Until that happens, here is part 5, part of the explanation, but not all. So, ENJOY!

PART 5: HOURGLASS

It's strange, really, how something can matter so much, be your whole world, one day, and the next, it is no more than dust floating away on the Autumn wind. My schoolwork used to be one of the most important things in my life. Sad, when I look at it now. But it made my mother happy. Now it seems that nothing I do can make her truly happy. I try in school, but it's difficult there. I feel like I can't breathe.



~*~
I approach my locker, thinking to get my Chemistry book and move on to the class, but I stop short. It's written in red. Like blood. But why would somebody write that on my locker? Why would anyone use such a word?

FAG

That is what it says. And I can't breathe. All of the oxygen in my lungs has been expelled and no more is willing to come in. As the Youko, it was almost expected that I would have male lovers, but here, in the Ningenkai, it isn't easily accepted. And that word, that disgusting, derogatory name for a homosexual is written on my locker. Briefly, I wonder how it got there, who could've put it there. I knew it had to do with Hiei, but I thought we had been discreet, or at least not in public when we weren't being very discreet. Apparently, I thought wrong.

I hear laughter from behind me. I almost cannot comprehend what is going on. Turning, I find that I am looking into the eyes of Kawamura Eishi, a boy from my AP Literature class. Just goes to show that not everyone with a brain is actually intelligent.

"Like that, Suuichi?" he asks in a mocking tone. He holds up a tube of bright red lipstick, open, and tosses it at me. I make no move to catch it, and the stick of red leaves a long mark on my chest, like an open wound right over my heart. "Thought you might wanna decorate your locker like a girl, seein' as you like boys so much."

The bell rings, but there are more people standing around us, and more coming. Some are laughing, and some are just staring indifferently. All I can do is stare straight ahead, shocked, to say the absolute least. Eishi seems to notice that I'm not responding at all, and the tuants begin.

"C'mon Suuichi. Why don't you wear a skirt to school like all the other girls do?"

More laughter, and my eyes glaze over, a hard shell replacing the open shock. I don't think Eishi notices, because he keeps at it, our audience cheering him on.

"Awwww, you shy now? Maybe you'll feel better after you go fuck your boyfriend."

I can't take it anymore; his hazel eyes burning into me, his voice pounding in my brain. Why is this affecting me so much? Why am I letting it? The two of us are now closed in a circle. Like a pack of wolves circling their prey, the students move, a mass of bodies taking on a single life.

"Is that all?"

The people stop moving. Eishi smiles, and cocks his head to one side as if waiting for more. One corner of my mouth twitches up into a cold half smile. My eyes momentarily flash gold, and Eishi stops smiling, perhaps wondering if what he saw was real, or just a trick of the light.

"You disgust me." It is a general statement, but my voice is hard, cold like steel. Inside I am slowly melting, leaving only the hardened exterior to face the onslaught of gasps and shouts of protest. I walk slowly from the circle, people parting to let me through. I don't see them at all. Once I get out of the school, I break; fracture into a thousand, million pieces of myself.

And I run. I run and I run and I just keep running. Time has stopped, but it's going by so fast, like sand through the hourglass falling, falling, only to stop mid-air, go back up and fall again, replaying the same moment inside of me as the grey concrete below me turns into the red carpeting of my room.
~*~



I am going back to that cursed school once more today. Going back to where I broke; where I found out that whoever I was, I was neither the Youko or Suuichi. I was somehwhere inbetween, I am somwhere inbetween.

Hiei still won't admit it, but he is worried about me. I told him not to, but he's probably still following me as I walk down the street. He always used to meet me out in the front of my school, and that's probably how we were discovered. I don't want to go back. I hardly even want to go back home. Sometimes I think maybe I can run away with Hiei. He might not be opposed to it, although I'm sure he'd miss my bed. But something inside of me won't let me leave. I can't leave my mother; Suuichi's mother. As much as she may hate me now, I can't bear to leave her.

It's strange, really, how you can matter so much to someone, be somebody's whole world, one day, and the next, you are no more than dust floating away on the Autumn wind. Sometimes I can still feel some of the pieces inside of me clink together, still broken. And sometimes, I can't breathe at all. That's when the hourglass reverses, and I can see it all again; a fragmented memory of somebody elses life, far away from here.