Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Waiting To Live Again ❯ Part 4: Broken Wings ( Chapter 4 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: sociallyretarded55 
When he left, Kurama was broken. And even though he's back, he's still gone...
Anime/Manga: Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 02.06.2005 | Pages: 1 | Words: 948 | Visits: 178 | Status: Completed
When he left, Kurama was broken. And even though he's back, he's still gone...
Anime/Manga: Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 02.06.2005 | Pages: 1 | Words: 948 | Visits: 178 | Status: Completed
A/N: This is part four! And no worries! It's not the last part! This one will explain a bit more, but not everything, so if you're thinking this is all, it's not. I decided to include the song that inspired me this time. Think it's called Song Bird, but I couldn't remember ^_^;;. ANYWAY! As always, enjoy!
"'Cause everyone's singin'
'We just wanna be heard!'
Dissappearing everyday
Without so much as a word somehow...
Wanna grab ahold of a little song bird
Take her for a ride
To the top of the world right now..."
--The Dixie Chicks
PART 4: BROKEN WINGS
Sunlight slips slowly into my room, almost as if it is afraid to enter. I shift comfortably in the arms of my love, sighing contentedly and thinking that maybe things were back to normal. The sun gains more courage, and begs for me to open my eyes and see its beauty. I open my eyes only to see Hiei's face. Nothing is as beautiful as this. His features are somehow softer, gentler, in his sleep, and in the approaching morning light. Before I can stop it, my hand caresses his cheek. I now realise how fully I have missed the feel of his skin, the feel of his love. As he wakes, I cannot help but let a tear slip, then two, and then countless others. He's right here, and I still don't know whether or not I have lost him.
"Kurama?" His voice is gritty from sleep, and through the blur of tears I can see him squinting at me.
I can do nothing but let more tears come. My pale skin has turned rosy with the effort to expel the tears, the pain, from my body.
"Don't cry, please..." Hiei's arms tighten around me, and I can see the concern evident on his face. And yet... I cannot help but doubt...
I sit alone, in a darkened corner of my room. I cannot even cry. All I can do is reread the note in my hand over and over, hoping each time I go to read it again that it will say something different, and he'll be here.
My fox,
I'm sorry. I've caused you so much pain; more pain than I am worth. I was the Forbidden Child; no one was ever supposed to care about me, let alone love me. And now here you are, with open arms, and all I do in return is burn you. If I were you, I would be disgusted. My selfishness has made your life virtually unlivable. You have given me everything I could ever ask for. And all I can offer in return is pain. It is all I was ever meant to offer: this I now know. I'm sorry.
Love,
Hiei
'Oh Hiei,' I think as I read it for the hundredth time, 'you've left. All other things I could deal with. I can manage my mother hating me, I can manage my friends at school hating me, but only if you're by my side.' He didn't understand. He wasn't the one causing me the pain; he was the only thing that could make it stop hurting.
I put the note on the floor, and curl up into a whimpering ball next to it. 'What will I do without you?' It is a question that goes unanswered, echoing into the stagnant night air and rebounding off of empty streets for no one to hear.
"I lost you," I babble into his chest, not caring what I say anymore, as long as he understands, "I lost you somewhere and you haven't come back! I don't know... I don't know if you've come back..."
"Kurama... I'm right here; I'm here now. Look at me." He takes my face in his hands and gently forces it upwards. "I'm here now. I've come back."
I cry harder, touch his hands, hold them to my face.
"I thought you were never coming back, Hiei, I thought... that you didn't..."
"That I didn't what?" There is fear in his voice, mixed with concern and confusion. I almost consider not telling him, or saying something different, but he is here, and he is so real, and I can almost taste him. I no longer have control of what I say to him. I don't think, just feel.
"That you didn't love me."
Shock is evident on his face, and I can feel his hands tense and move away from my face. For a doubt filled second, the tears cease flowing, and everything seems suspended in mid air. Then all I can see is the grey of his shirt as he crushes me to him.
No words are spoken. There is no need for words. He has come back to me; all of him. The tears speak for themselves in the quiet morning. I am being held by him once again, and I am so glad. But it's still there; the doubt. Lessened, but still remaining. The way he flew before he left, you would've thought he had wings. And now it seems they're broken. What has happened to him? Where did he go? So many questions remain to be answered.
When will it be safe to live again?
Converting /tmp/phplUrT3A to /dev/stdout
"'Cause everyone's singin'
'We just wanna be heard!'
Dissappearing everyday
Without so much as a word somehow...
Wanna grab ahold of a little song bird
Take her for a ride
To the top of the world right now..."
--The Dixie Chicks
PART 4: BROKEN WINGS
Sunlight slips slowly into my room, almost as if it is afraid to enter. I shift comfortably in the arms of my love, sighing contentedly and thinking that maybe things were back to normal. The sun gains more courage, and begs for me to open my eyes and see its beauty. I open my eyes only to see Hiei's face. Nothing is as beautiful as this. His features are somehow softer, gentler, in his sleep, and in the approaching morning light. Before I can stop it, my hand caresses his cheek. I now realise how fully I have missed the feel of his skin, the feel of his love. As he wakes, I cannot help but let a tear slip, then two, and then countless others. He's right here, and I still don't know whether or not I have lost him.
"Kurama?" His voice is gritty from sleep, and through the blur of tears I can see him squinting at me.
I can do nothing but let more tears come. My pale skin has turned rosy with the effort to expel the tears, the pain, from my body.
"Don't cry, please..." Hiei's arms tighten around me, and I can see the concern evident on his face. And yet... I cannot help but doubt...
I sit alone, in a darkened corner of my room. I cannot even cry. All I can do is reread the note in my hand over and over, hoping each time I go to read it again that it will say something different, and he'll be here.
My fox,
I'm sorry. I've caused you so much pain; more pain than I am worth. I was the Forbidden Child; no one was ever supposed to care about me, let alone love me. And now here you are, with open arms, and all I do in return is burn you. If I were you, I would be disgusted. My selfishness has made your life virtually unlivable. You have given me everything I could ever ask for. And all I can offer in return is pain. It is all I was ever meant to offer: this I now know. I'm sorry.
Love,
Hiei
'Oh Hiei,' I think as I read it for the hundredth time, 'you've left. All other things I could deal with. I can manage my mother hating me, I can manage my friends at school hating me, but only if you're by my side.' He didn't understand. He wasn't the one causing me the pain; he was the only thing that could make it stop hurting.
I put the note on the floor, and curl up into a whimpering ball next to it. 'What will I do without you?' It is a question that goes unanswered, echoing into the stagnant night air and rebounding off of empty streets for no one to hear.
"I lost you," I babble into his chest, not caring what I say anymore, as long as he understands, "I lost you somewhere and you haven't come back! I don't know... I don't know if you've come back..."
"Kurama... I'm right here; I'm here now. Look at me." He takes my face in his hands and gently forces it upwards. "I'm here now. I've come back."
I cry harder, touch his hands, hold them to my face.
"I thought you were never coming back, Hiei, I thought... that you didn't..."
"That I didn't what?" There is fear in his voice, mixed with concern and confusion. I almost consider not telling him, or saying something different, but he is here, and he is so real, and I can almost taste him. I no longer have control of what I say to him. I don't think, just feel.
"That you didn't love me."
Shock is evident on his face, and I can feel his hands tense and move away from my face. For a doubt filled second, the tears cease flowing, and everything seems suspended in mid air. Then all I can see is the grey of his shirt as he crushes me to him.
No words are spoken. There is no need for words. He has come back to me; all of him. The tears speak for themselves in the quiet morning. I am being held by him once again, and I am so glad. But it's still there; the doubt. Lessened, but still remaining. The way he flew before he left, you would've thought he had wings. And now it seems they're broken. What has happened to him? Where did he go? So many questions remain to be answered.
When will it be safe to live again?
Converting /tmp/phplUrT3A to /dev/stdout