Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ When Fairy Tales Attack!! ❯ Sleeping Hiei Part Three ( Chapter 4 )

When Fairy Tales Attack!!

CoWritten by: Tuathafaerie and Nenagh24

Disclaimer: We don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, Disney films, or the Brother's Grimm. Note that any actual dialog taken from the movies might be interspersed without identification and that this disclaimer applies to any such lines. Please do not sue because of it.

Note: Any slandering of said Disney films or fairy tales is author intrusion and fully intentional. Enjoy!

Wow! So many reviews on one day! I'm so happy!

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Chapter 4

Rewind:

Genkai: …Go, and do not fail me.

Puu flies away after several failed attempts to get off the ground, falling eventually next to Yusuke.

Play:

After a moment of frozen distaste for the situation, the play continued, returning to Flyr as the narrator.

Flyr: And so for sixteen long years the whereabouts of the princess remained a mystery…

Kuwabara: (has removed earplugs) No it's not. Hiei's right over there.

Hiei: Hn.

Flyr: (veins pop, but she ignores) while deep in the forest, in a woodcutter's cottage…

Yusuke: More like a hut.

Flyr: Shut up! What happened to your good behavior last time?

Yusuke: It got boring.

Kurama: (rolls eyes) u.u

Flyr: (Large hammer appears out of know where) If I may continue…?

Yusuke and Kuwabara: (gulp)

Flyr: Thank you. Now, the good fairies carried out their well-laid plan. Living like mortals, they had reared the child as their own and called her…Well, that's a stupid name. Hiei needs a better one.

Hiei: Thank goodness.

Flyr: How about…Daisy?

Hiei: (eyes widen) No.

Flyr: Petunia? Hyacinth? Marigold? Violet?

Hiei: No. No. No. No.

Flyr: Fine! Your final choice is … Cassandra!

Hiei: N-

Kurama: (quickly) Doesn't that mean "bringer of destruction" in Greek?

Hiei: Wait…Hn.

Flyr: Okay, they called her Cassandra. On this her sixteenth birthday the good faries had planned a party and something extra special for her surprise.

Keiko: I didn't know we had to do that!

Flyr: Not my problem. I'm done with my part of the script. See Ya!

Flyr walks over to where she left Jin next to Koenma, and pulls him off onto the spirit road. Yusuke doesn't even try, feeling too depressed from his last failed attempt.

Keiko: Great! Now what are we supposed to do? Did you know about this Kurama?

Kurama: Well, actually, I did a little extra reading, so…

Keiko: And you didn't tell us? (Her eyes go wild)

Kurama, learning his lesson from Yusuke's trip around the room dodging the flamethrower, gracefully makes his exit, fast.

Yusuke: Whatever, we'll just send Hiei away, then we won't have to worry about this.

Keiko: Well…

Yusuke: Come on! Some one else can distract the brat for a while. (Holds up a book) Now, which dress do you think looks better?

Kurama: (appears suddenly behind Yusuke) Well, this is the one I picked.

Yusuke: Woah! Don't do that! I don't think my heart can take it again!

Keiko: (false enthusiasm) Oh she'll look beautiful in it.

Hiei: Hn.

Kurama: Now I thought a few changes here ...

Yusuke: (smirks at the low dip in the back)

Hiei: o-o

Keiko: Don't forget a pretty bow ...

Hiei: O-O

Kurama: And there's the shoulder line.

Yusuke: (grinning) And we'll make it pink!

Kurama: (trying to save Hiei a bit, slightly, well, maybe…hmm) No, I think black is more stunning.

Hiei: Y-Y (chink, chink $$)

Botan: Are you crying?

Yusuke: (whining) But…

Kurama: Of course, we'll need a few jewels. Pass those over, Botan.

Botan: (Hands over tear jewels)

Keiko: Wait…how are we going to get Hiei out of the house?

Kurama: Um…I'll think of something.

Hiei makes his grand entrance, and for the first time his outfit is revealed, a brown sack-like thing.

Botan: This is what it took you so long to get dressed into?!

Hiei: Hn.

Koenma: (defensive) It was all we had!

Flyr: (pops back in with a smiling Jin) Smile, Hiei! (snaps picture for blackmail) Wait. Smile and Hiei? Do those go together?

Jin: We came back?

Flyr: Oh, well. (grabs Jin and disappears again)

Wind whistles through the silent room as a tumbleweed breezes through, then everyone continues.

Hiei: What are you bakas doing?

YKK: Doing?

Kurama: Well, uh, let's see, what are we doing…we, well, we…

Yusuke: Oh, for heaven's sake, Kurama! (turns to Hiei) We want you to hunt for ice cream!

Hiei: Sweet snow? Wait…I mean, ice cream?

Keiko: Yup! Lots and lots of it!

Hiei: I hunted for ice cream yesterday. And is that even the right word, hunted? Does ice cream come wild? (eyes go dreamy)

Kurama: Er, yes! And we need more.

Keiko: Yeah, cause you three ate whole containers of it!

Kurama: Yes!

The three "fairies" gather around Hiei and forcibly shove him out of the "hut."

Kurama: Now don't hurry back, dear.

Yusuke: And do wander off!

Keiko: And talk to lots of, um, strangers! Yeah!

YKK: Goodbye! (slam door)

Hiei: ("outside") Hn. Bakas.

Yusuke: (sarcastic) Boy, I wonder if she suspects. Nice going, Kurama.

Kurama: If I wasn't surrounded by groundlings all the time, I might have been a bit quicker on the distractions.

Yusuke: What?

Keiko: (snorts)

Yusuke: Was that…an unladylike sound coming out of you?

Keiko: (hits Yusuke)

Kurama: Well, maybe Hiei will be surprised.

Keiko: Yep, she doesn't know about ningen birthday parties.

Yusuke: Or ningen birthday cakes.

Keiko: That's kind've depressing.

Hiei: Not really.

Kurama: And hopefully she knows nothing about dresses princesses can be proud of.

Hiei: Hn.

Yusuke: Do we get to use magic for this?

Kurama: No.

Keiko: Wait, I can't cook without magic!

Yusuke: You don't need magic, you need a miracle!

Keiko: Well, then, how about you bake it, Mr. I-slick-my-hair-back-with-crisco!

Yusuke: Not on your life!

Kurama: (sigh) Okay, this is how it's going to be. Keiko will make the cake..

Keiko: (wails) But I don't cook! And especially not those double layer cakes!

Kurama: Actually, this one has fifteen layers…

Keiko: What?!

Kurama: (quickly) And Yusuke will help me with making the dress.

Yusuke: This is stupid. Keiko can't cook, and you…can you sew?

Kurama: Of course.

Keiko: Really?

Kurama: Well, Youko can. I'm sure he'll tell me how.

Yusuke: Youko, sew? Bwhahahaha!

Youko: (internally) How embarrassing.

Keiko: (sigh) I guess I could just follow the cook book.

Kurama: Very good. Now, Yusuke, stand up there on that block.

Yusuke: -hahahaha- Wait, what?

Kurama: Get up on that block.

Yusuke: (suspicious) Why?

Kurama: (sigh) So you can model the dress.

Yusuke: What?! NO WAY!

Kurama: I don't see why not. I'm doing all of the hard work.

Yusuke: I may have a girl's job, but I'm not going to dress like one!

Keiko: (threatening) Yusuke…do I have to come over there?

Yusuke: Darn you…fine. I still say we should use magic.

Keiko: (reading out of the book) Okay I need ducs, three. What? Ducks? I thought cakes were vegetarian safe!

Kurama: (sweatdrop) I think you're reading it upside down.

Keiko: Oh, right. Three cups. I knew that!

Kurama: Now stand still, Yusuke. I'm going to pin the dress on you.

Yusuke: Pin?!

Kurama: Yes don't move or you'll ruin the hang.

Yusuke: You want to stick things in me, then you tell me not to run away?!

Kurama: (under breath) Baka.

Yusuke: What was that?

Kurama: (sigh) I'm not sticking the pins into you, I'm making sure the dress stays together before I sew it.

Yusuke: (muttering) Right. But if your hand slips even once, I'm gone!

Keiko: So, a pinch of salt? A pinch? What the heck is that?

Yusuke: You know. When someone grabs your beh-

Keiko: Yusuke! Don't even think of finishing that statement!

Yusuke: How long is this going to take?

Kurama: With you two, I'm pegging it at a conservative five hours.

Yusuke: What?!

At the other side of the stage.

Botan: Hiei? Aren't you supposed to be out in the forest or something?

Hiei: (Points back at YKK arguing in "hut") Hn.

Botan: Oh, I see. Well, do you mind if I take a nap, too?

Hiei: … (sits down and closes eyes)

Botan: (Shrugs and goes to sleep)

Back with YKK.

Yusuke: Are you supposed to cut it up like that?

Kurama: I thought I explained how to make princess seams.

Yusuke: Yeah, but you're butchering that poor sheet of fabric. And why is everything black?

Kurama: Black is slimming.

Yusuke: But I wanted color! Like red! Red is stunning too!

Kurama: Now, dear, we decided black was her color.

Yusuke: No, that was just you.

Keiko: Let's see, how fast do you have to whip eggs? Fast? That's no descriptor! White peaks? Eggs are more than just liquid?

Yusuke: (pins sticking out all over) Is it supposed to look like this?

Kurama: I haven't sewn it together yet.

Yusuke: And why don't you add in green fabric? See, it's sitting right there! Isn't it tantalizing?

Kurama: It's lying there limply.

Keiko: Now, cream together sugar and butter. What? I need cream, hm? Kurama, do we have any cream?

Kurama: Uh, I don't know. How are we getting these materials anyway?

Keiko: They came with the set.

Yusuke: Order now! A lovely hut with free everlasting items! Just sell your soul to a miniature brat who believes he's a god!

Koenma: I'm right here, baka! Oh, cream is on the shelf.

Keiko: Thanks!

Yusuke: Don't you think this dress is cut a little high? It's over my knees and it's supposed to be a ball gown!

Kurama: Hiei's shorter than you. It'll look fine.

Yusuke: Whatever. I'm glad this is all we have to do. I don't know if I could stand raising Hiei for much longer.

Keiko: How long have we supposedly had him?

Yusuke: Sixteen years…from hell.

Kurama: (sigh) At least he's easily distracted.

Yusuke and Keiko nod gratefully.

Yusuke: And he'll be back before I'll miss him.

Kurama: She.

Keiko: Weren't you slipping up also?

Kurama: Uh…no.

The hut descended into darkness as the scene began to change.

Yusuke: Oww! What did I tell you about those pins, Kurama?

Kurama: Sorry.

On the other side of the stage (or Koenma's bedroom, or whatever), Hiei was currently snoring softly. Botan was shaking him.

Botan: Come on, Hiei, it's your turn.

Hiei: (one eye pops open) Hn?

Botan: Your turn.

Hiei: Oh joy.

Botan runs off to the side and Hiei pulls out a script.

Hiei: I have to WHAT?

Koenma: (warningly) Hiei…

Hiei: …(glares) Fine, fine. (starts humming softly)

Everyone: O.o

Botan snaps out of it to repeat her lines.

Botan: (takes out her oar) Hear that, Oar? Beautiful!

Kuwabara: (gags)

Botan: What is it? Come on, let's find out. (pretends to struggle with her oar, and proceeds to whack herself) Oh, come on! For an extra waxing, and a few spins around the yard?

Oar: (Thinks about it, then agrees)

Botan: Okay! Let's go!

She hops on to the oar, only to get caught in a tree (where'd that come from?) four feet away.

Oar: (Hesitates, but flies away anyways)

Botan: HEY! That's it! No more repairs!

Hiei: (Has stopped singing and is smirking at Botan)

Botan: Don't look so smug, you! You have more singing coming up!

Hiei: (face goes strangely neutral) Hn.