Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ When Fairy Tales Attack!! ❯ Kurama Hood Part IV ( Chapter 13 )

When Fairy Tales Attack!!

CoWritten by: Tuathafaerie and Nenagh24

Disclaimer: We don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, Disney films, or the Brother's Grimm. Note that any actual dialog taken from the movies might be interspersed without identification and that this disclaimer applies to any such lines. Please do not sue because of it.

Note: Any slandering of said Disney films or fairy tales is author intrusion and fully intentional. Enjoy!

Okay! This chapter is slightly longer, but I couldn't break it up before hand. Hope you enjoy! By the way, it's my birthday! Yay me! So watch some fireworks for me, kay? :D

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Chapter 13

Rewind:

Little Kuwabara: Wah! I'm lost!

Yusuke: Not again! -.-u

Play:

Koenma: Lights!! Get them up! What's wrong with you onis?!

The stage is belatedly recognizable again. In the center stand two female actors, both in ornate dresses. They clutch tennis rackets like weapons and look confused at what to do. One holds a small, feathered item, and they stand on opposite sides of a net.

Keiko: Um, Koenma? What the heck is this? (Holds up feathery…thingie. [ft for short])

Koenma: How should I know? You're supposed to play a game with it!

Botan: How about baseball? (taps her racket, then holds it at the ready)

Keiko: (shrugs) Good enough. (tosses ft to Botan, who hits it)

Botan: Bingo!! Home run!

She picks up her skirts and begins sprinting around the stage, hitting imaginary bases. The cast looks on with enlarging sweatdrops. Keiko moves forward to pick up the ft, which had moved the great distance of three feet.

Yusuke: That's a really sad game.

Koenma: (sighs) It's better than nothing. Let's get on with the script.

Keiko: Are you ready, Botan?

Botan: (back at home, puffing) Whoo! This stage is big! Anywhoo, as your lady in waiting, I'm waiting! (puffs) Maybe I'll bring the bases in next time. I'm getting too old for this.

Yusuke: (smirks) How old is Botan anyway?

Koenma: Um…I lost count at 217…

Hiei: (mutters) Hn. That's way too long to put up with you.

Kuwabara: I don't understand. Botan's been waiting 217 years?

Everyone: -.-u

Botan: Just throw the pitch.

Keiko tosses it again and Botan swings, missing the ft. She looks dazed for a moment before she realizes it's on the floor.

Keiko: (sarcastic) Great shot.

Botan: Shut up! My girdle's killing me!

Keiko: (rolls eyes) Riiiiight…

Kuwabara: What's a girdle?

Everyone: (collective shudder)

Hiei: (solemn) A torture device of the highest magnitude.

Botan: Yeah, and will someone get the thing off me? `Cause it really is killing me. I can't breath too well.

Keiko and Yukina come over to unzip Botan's dress and work at the strings. Kurama has politely turned his back, but Yusuke and Kuwabara remain interested in the "scene", even though Keiko has already anticipated them and is shielding Botan. Hiei looks bored.

Keiko: (frustrated) What is wrong with these ties?! Did somebody super glue them closed?!

Yukina: (frowns) [an: gasp!] Who did these for you?

Botan: Um, I think it was Samantha…

Keiko: (sweatdrop) No wonder. Does someone have a knife?

Yusuke and Kuwabara turn out their pockets to find nothing. Kurama shakes his head, but Hiei grumbles and marches over, pulling out his katana and calmly splitting the strings on the back of the silken horror.

Koenma: Watch the dress! I had to pay for that!!

Botan: (brightly) Thanks, Hiei!

Hiei: (muttering) Baka onna. Why did you put it on in the first place?

Botan: (blushing) Um, Tomoyo said it would, um, accent some of my features…

Yusuke: (starts grinning pervertedly) Oh ho ho. So that's why women wear those things!

Botan: (angry) My tiny waist!!

Kuwabara: (squinting at Botan) Are you sure? I don't think you have one.

Botan: (-XXXX; eerily calm) Come here. I think I want to hurt you now…

Hiei: (obligingly kicks Kuwabara over)

Yusuke: (still grinning) Hey, while you're over there, can you check if Botan really had anything to enhance? Like in other areas?

Keiko: (warningly) Yusuke, did the soap teach you anything?

Yusuke: (shuts up)

Kurama: (internally; confused) I thought the soap taught him something else…

Youko: (internally; smirking) Yeah, to obey his woman.

Kurama: (sighs)

Koenma: Hey, wait a minute. When did you get back your weapon? I thought I banned those!!

Everyone: (stubborn silence)

Koenma: (sighs) The stupid spell must have gone out or something.

George: I thought you said you were a genius?

Koenma: (veins pop) I'm docking a month's pay from your check!

George: (confused) I get paid?

Koenma: Alright, hand `em over.

Yusuke still has nothing to give. Kuwabara, after untangling his bruised limbs, gives Koenma his spirit sword, while Hiei glaringly hands over his prized katana. Koenma waits, then starts to become impatient.

Koenma: Come on, Kurama! I mean you too!

Kurama: (internally) Can't come out, she's not gone yet. No, not until she leaves.

Youko: (internally) Is he crazy?! That's "no man's land"!!

Koenma: Kurama!! You are not immune to spirit prison!

Kurama: (sighs)

Youko: (internally; begging) Ah, come on, spirit prison's a snap compared to her! Don't do this to me!

Kurama: (internally) Says the man who willingly made himself human to escape the place.

Youko: (internally; put out) Kitsune. Humphf.

Kurama hesitantly steps out into the light of the stage. After no reaction, he heaves a sigh of relief and moves forward to Koenma. Unfortunately, his reprieve is short lived, as a squeal is heard and suddenly a small child is once again attached to his leg.

Almost forgotten green-eyed devil: KU-RA-MA! Did ya miss me? Huh?

Kurama: (mutters) Like a pop quiz.

Exuberant being: Wow!! You missed me that much? I know how much you love school!! I love school too!!

Yusuke: The child is deluded.

Kuwabara: (nods) It's a tragedy when this happens.

Keiko: (rolls eyes) Oh, be quiet.

Koenma: Hand them over, Kurama, before I forget.

Kurama, looking boxed in on all sides, silently begins removing things from his hair. The cast watches, first amazed, then increasingly bored, as a pile of seeds grows tremendously in front of Koenma. When Kurama is finished, Koenma can barely see over the top of it. He makes a quick change of seats, then orders the play to continue. Keiko pitches once again.

Botan: Hwa! (swings bat)

Yusuke: (incredulous) Was that a battle cry?

Botan: (lofty) That was my winning phrase from Ferry Girl Baseball Championships.

Yusuke: Then how come you missed again?

Kurama: (contemplative) They have Ferry Girl Baseball in Renkai? (ignores the repeated "Kurama!"s coming from the child still attached to him)

Keiko: Uh, look, this game really isn't all that exciting, so could you just lose it now?

Botan: Oh! Yeah, sure!

She looks around for a moment for a place to hide the ft, then finally gives up and shoves it down her dress.

Keiko: (overly dramatic) Where is it?

Botan: (rolls eyes) It must be in there someplace. (starts jumping around and shaking dress)

Keiko: Oh, Botan, you look so silly.

Yusuke: More like HILARIOUS! Bwahahahahahaha!

Both Yusuke and Kuwabara are on the floor, laughing their heads off. Hiei has turned, wide eyed with disbelief, to Kurama, who just shrugs.

Hiei: I can't believe I let myself be seen with this onna. -.-u

Botan: (glares at Hiei, then tosses out the ft) Man, that thing's itchy.

Keiko: (again, overacting) Oh, look. There it is, behind you. (goes to pick it up, then stops) OH!!!!!!

Little Yusuke: (scowling) Oy, woman, don't have a bloody heart attack! You knew I was coming.

Keiko: (threateningly) Is it soap time again?

Little Yusuke: Look, lady, I took a bath yesterday.

Keiko: (being restrained by Yusuke; through clenched teeth) Well-hello. Where-did-you-come-from?

Little Yusuke: Up your-

Yusuke: Come on, kid, don't get smart! You don't have to live with this!

Keiko: (glaring evilly) Not yet, at least.

Little Yusuke: Yeah, yeah, can I just have my rose back?

Keiko: Argh! I swear, Yusuke, if we ever have a kid like this, I'm seriously thinking of putting it up for adoption!

Yusuke: We're going to have kids? (suddenly excited) So that means you will-!

Keiko: (flatly) No. We'll adopt.

Yusuke: Darn.

Little Yusuke: Whatever, I'll look for it myself. I don't want to stay around you crazies any longer.

Keiko: (tries returning to script) Oh, don't be - …scratch that. Be very afraid! You're a bad little kid, do you know that?!

At this point, the other cast members are fearing for the child's life. Yusuke turns his head to avoid watching himself be murdered. Only Botan is brave enough to step forward.

Botan: Oh Keiko, heh heh, um, what a bonny wee bunny?

Keiko: (muttering) Bonny my arse.

Little Yusuke: (smirks) Who needs the soap now?

Botan: (tries prompting Keiko) My word…

Keiko: (glaring at Little Yusuke) One more word out of you and your behind is going to be glaring red!

Botan: (quickly) Who does this young-

Little Yusuke: Ha. I'm not afraid of spankings. You'd have to catch me first.

Botan: (yelling) -whip person remind you of?

Keiko and Little Yusuke stare blankly at her.

Keiko: What?

Botan: Yes!! That's right!! The notorious Kurama Hood!

Kurama: I'm notorious? O.o

Youko: (internally) Duh. I was the most famous thief around. (starts day dreaming) I could steal the world! Kings would pay me ransom just to not steal things. Girls would flock to me in droves. I could reach out my hand and have anything!

Lunatic child: I still love you, Kurama. Don't worry.

Kurama: (internally, sweatdrop) Actually, I'd like it better if those girls didn't flock…

Keiko: I don't know. With the hat, maybe, but I think he looks more like Yusuke.

Yusuke: That's because it IS me!

Little Yusuke: Look, I don't really have time for this. The power rangers are coming on in half an hour.

Kuwabara: You used to watch the power rangers, Yusuke! Ha ha! Those were so dumb!

Yusuke: It was smarter than hanging around with you.

Little Kuwabara: Yeah, and I'm missing Blue's Clues!

Yusuke: (smirks) You were saying?

Kuwabara: Hey, at least it's educational!

Yusuke: Doesn't seem to have worked much.

Botan: Oh, Keiko, don't look around, but I do believe we're surrounded.

Hiei: (rolls eyes) By idiots.

Botan: (sighs) Oh mercy.

Keiko: (suddenly sugary sweet) It's all right children. Don't be afraid, Come here.

Beast from the depths: Now, Kurama, I'll have to leave you for a moment, but don't worry! I'll be back!!

Youko: (internally) The prophecy of DOOM!

Kurama: (wincing) I really don't need this…

Little Kuwabara: Do you think it's safe? Look what she did to Yusuke!

Little Yukina: (soothingly) Don't worry, that's Keiko. She's nice to everyone else.

As yet unidentified girl: Come on already!

The three children line up in a row beside Little Yusuke. Keiko smiles beneficently at them.

Keiko: I'm glad to meet all of you.

Little Yusuke: Aw, yeah right. You already know us.

Little Yukina: You're very pretty.

Little Kuwabara: Not as pretty as you, my sugar pop!

Yusuke: Ugh. It starts so young.

Hiei: (growls)

Glaringly evil apparition: Are you going to marry Kurama? `Cause I swear I'll knock you into next week!

Keiko: (sweatdrop) Eh…

Yusuke: What?!

Little Yukina: Genkai says you and Kurama Hood are sweethearts.

Kurama: (confused) We are?

Yusuke: WHAT?!

Little Kuwabara: Did he ever kiss you?

Yusuke: KURAMA!!

Keiko: (quickly) No.

Yusuke: Whew.

Keiko: …but he carved our initials in a tree.

Yusuke: I take that back! Get over here Kurama!

Kurama: …no. o.ou

Little Yusuke: (smirks at Yusuke; to Keiko) Are you going to have any kids?

Yusuke: (veins pop) I'll make sure he can't have kids!

Little Yukina: My mother had two kids.

Keiko: Heh heh…I'm sure he's forgotten all about me.

Yusuke: (glaring) You better have.

Little Yusuke: (grinning) Oh, not Kurama! I'll bet he'll storm the castle, fight the guards, rescue you and drag you off to Sherwood Forest.

Yusuke: Why you little-

Botan: (panicking) Now, just a moment there, young man! You've forgotten Prince Yusuke!

Yusuke: Too true. Humphf.

Little Yusuke: (eyebrow raised) No I haven't. Yusuke doesn't scare me at all.

Little Kuwabara: I'm scared of Yusuke. He's cranky.

Kuwabara: Ignore him!

Yusuke: (rolls eyes) Whatever.

Botan: Eh heh heh…um, well…(suddenly imitating Yusuke) Hey, you childish twerp! I think it's time I taught you a lesson!

Yusuke: What the- hey, that's not me!

Little Yusuke: Death to tyrants!

Botan: I'm taking you down, jerk!

Keiko: You really don't have to do this…

Botan: (smirks and raises a pointed finger) Lights out!

Kurama: Actually, that's a pretty impressive Yusuke impersonation. Looks just like him.

Little Yusuke: What the heck are you doing?

He imitates the raised and pointed finger, and suddenly a shot of blue light comes out. Botan is surprised, but Hiei reacts fast enough to sprint her out of the way.

Little Yusuke: (stares at finger) …COOL!! Just wait until I meet up with those bullies in school!!

Yusuke: Wait a minute…if it works for him, won't it work for me? (smirks) I think it's time to dish out some punishment.

Keiko: Don't you dare, Yusuke! If you kill your younger self, you'll disappear!!

Yusuke: (whining) I wasn't going to kill him, just rough him up a bit.

Koenma: (panicking) Oh man! That wasn't supposed to happen! Yusuke's not allowed to learn that until he becomes a spirit detective! My father's going to have my head!

Botan: Can't we just use the Rankin mirror? He'll forget everything.

Koenma: I'm going to be paying for this for- wait, what was that? Oh! Of course! Brilliant idea! Glad I thought of it!

Botan: -.-u Why does this always happen? (pushes herself out of Hiei's grip) Whatever. Moving on. (grips side) Ow! That hurt! Man, I'm going to…so..get you..when I wake…up….Kei…….ko………

Yusuke: There is no way I do that!!

Kurama: I'm pretty sure you do that all the time…though part of that sounded like Hiei… -.-u

Keiko: (bright eyes) You say my name? How sweet!!

Yusuke: (sweatdrop) Um…rep or girl? Hm…

Hiei: (looking down at Botan) He hit you? (turns to Little Yusuke, glaring) Your death is going to be particularly gory tonight.

Botan: (hissing) No, no, Hiei! I'm just pretending! Calm down!

Hiei: (stops moving; grumbles) Baka onna.

Little Yusuke: Whatever, can I go now?

Botan: You have to talk with Keiko, then I guess Flyr will take you home.

Little Yusuke: (sighs) Let's get this over with. (grabs Keiko's hand) Let's go!

Keiko: (rolls eyes) Oh, so brave and impetuous! Where are we going?

Little Yusuke: (shrugs) The forest or something. What're we supposed to do?

Keiko: (gleam of mischief in eyes) Well, I think I'm supposed to kiss you.

Little Yusuke: (backs away) No way, lady!

Keiko: (smiling) It's not that bad.

She grabs on to Little Yusuke and drags him back over to her, then plants a kiss on his cheek. He screams bloody murder, ranting about cooties, and finally squirms away. Keiko remains grinning.

Keiko: Okay, that's it. Guess you can go now!

Little Yusuke: I've been poisoned, contaminated! Get me out of here!

Flyr: (appears on stage) Oh, so that's two and a half cups flour to one cup sugar? Thanks Tomoyo! (turns around) Looks like I've come just in time. Everyone ready to go?

Little Yukina and Little Kuwabara are holding hands while Little Yusuke is scrubbing furiously at his cheek. Flyr's sister is nowhere to be seen.

Flyr: That menace! Now where has she gone?

Kurama: You mean, she's not on stage? (internally) Uh oh…

Youko: (internally) What do you mean "Uh oh"?!! This is a bloody horror!! Who let that thing on the loose?!

A faint humming of "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts" suddenly comes from above the cast. They glance up apprehensively while Flyr sighs.

Flyr: Not again. Get down here!

Glowing green eyes: No!! I'm working!! (pause) Can you ask Kurama to move a little to the left?

Kurama sprints off to the right. Suddenly, a large net comes down on him, trapping him effectively. The little brunette comes down dressed in black, like a spy, on a rope from the ceiling. Everyone watches, stunned.

Scaling horror: Now, now, Kurama, you really shouldn't play with my trust like this. Looks like I'll just have to take you away from temptation. (glares at Keiko, then continues) I've already fixed you a space in my bedroom.

Kurama: Oh my goodness…

Youko: (internally) How could you?! I've been running for years and I never got caught, yet when it comes to you, you're easily tricked by a net!! I've got such a loser body. Who moves to the right? You should have remained where you were!!

Kurama: (internally) Shut up.

Flyr: (picks up terrifying warlord by the scruff of her neck) That's it! I've had enough! You're not coming out with me again!

Impertinent child: Stupid Flyr! You know I'm better than you when I grow up!

Flyr: If you'd ever get off your cynical bum and bother to do anything about it! Come on!

Koenma: Wait! I've got to erase their memories! George!

George brings out a large dressing mirror. Each of the children is forced to look at it in turn, then appears dazed. Flyr nods, then steps into a portal with the little loved child actors. Everyone heaves a sigh of relief. At least that won't be happening again, right? [an: I haven't decided…]