Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ When Fairy Tales Attack!! ❯ Beauty and the Baka Part II ( Chapter 20 )

When Fairy Tales Attack!!

CoWritten by: Tuathafaerie and Nenagh24

Disclaimer: We don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, Disney films, or the Brother's Grimm. Note that any actual dialog taken from the movies might be interspersed without identification and that this disclaimer applies to any such lines. Please do not sue because of it.

Note: Any slandering of said Disney films or fairy tales is author intrusion and fully intentional. Enjoy!

Whoa. Head spinning. So much singing. Whah. @.@ Sorry for those people who didn't want Kuwabara to be the beast, but…I'd already planned out the major roles, and I think I make fun of the main characters the most of anybody, so don't worry there. Plus, have the endings ever stuck to the real Disney endings? Sooo, well, I'm still doing him. He needs a shot as the main character anyway! ^^ Enjoy this chapter! (School starts Monday! Whah!)

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Chapter 20

Rewind:

Yukina: (smiling) Okay.

Hiei: (grumbling) Stupid singing.

Play:

After several calls have been made, one to the copiers and another few to various oni unions who had been demonstrating outside the palace for better worker's comp, Koenma announces that the play is ready to continue. As if on cue, Jade and Samantha rush in with the script delivery, much to the anger of Hiei, and park the wooden crates at the edge of the stage. Yukina looks at the expectant faces curiously.

Yukina: I don't mean to be rude, but isn't there supposed to be a new set for this scene?

Koenma: …Ah! I totally forgot! Oh, well, George, cue the set designers!!

The cast watch as an oni fleet pours in. The recently hired onis have been shuffled off to the dreaded postal service posts while the old "experts", those that previously supervised the hacking off of limbs and other features in the name of quick results, are once again in control. The cast looks on, slightly bored, at this inspired loss of not quite life, but at least any reasonable future in manual labour.

Yusuke: Argh! This is taking forever!! What time is it?

Kurama: (using cool kitsune senses) About two fifty. Why?

Yusuke: Darn it! I could be beating the pants off of Hiei at Soul Caliber right now!

Hiei: (eyebrow up) Unlikely.

Yukina: (confused) Why would Hiei's pants come off?

Everyone: O.O

Botan: Er…………..

Kurama: (sighs) It's just an expression.

Yusuke: (vehement) Yeah! Nothing was meant by that!!

Hiei: (glaring) If there was, I'd have to kill you.

Keiko: (slaps Yusuke) Stop that! Now you've upset Yukina!

Kurama: (quietly) I think she's the only one not upset.

Botan: Good thing she's so innocent. -.-u

Koenma: Okay! Set's done, get going!

The cast turn back from their, uh, interesting side conversation to view the completed design, compliments of the returned oni labor workforce, with surprisingly few limbs and little blood. There is a small house to the side, only slightly run down, and a pathway that leads to what could be assumed to be a village, if it weren't for the fact that over three fourths of it was a painted background. One door on the side led right into the wall. Yukina waved back at everyone, who stood in a motley state of delight, especially Hiei, who looked on the brink of sickness from the approaching musical scenes, then moved to take her position amid the Astroturf spread across the stage. [an: BTW, that's fake grass carpeting, just for kicks] The rest of the cast belatedly remember that they are in this scene as well and rush off to take their positions next to the already prepared group that Flyr had brought. Yukina stands quietly for a moment, then begins to sing with a large smile over her face.

Yukina: (singing) Little town, it's a quiet village

Yusuke: (surveying bustle behind the scenes) Does she live here?

Yukina: (still singing complacently) Every day, like the one before

Kurama: (internally) Unfortunately.

Youko: (internally) Hey, I lived a life of adventure, stupid Shuichi! If you'd just let me be in control more often…

Kurama: (internally) No.

Yukina: (singing) Little town, full of little people

Yusuke: (poking Hiei) Hm, maybe she does live here.

Hiei: (twitch) Are you implying something, detective? Because I can take that finger off faster than you can pull away.

Yusuke: (recoiling) Hey! I need this for work!

Yukina: (finishing slowly) Waking up to say...

Botan: (happy) Bonjour!

Kurama: (polite) Bonjour, ca va?

Keiko: Stop improvising!!

Touya: (walking out in new outfit) Ohayo.

Jin: (popping out of nowhere, giving everyone a heart attack) Latha math dhut!!

Koenma: Stick to your lines!

Jin: (sticks out his tongue) Pog ma hoin'!

Flyr: (hits Jin) Watch your mouth! Don't go cussing people out in Gaelic!

Jin: (puppy eyes full force) But, me girl, `tis fun…

The dimension witch is trying valiantly to withstand this pressure as Chu walks out, carrying what appears to be a whole tray of beer cans.

Chu: Ah, mate, leave tha gurl alone now.

Flyr: (turns gratefully) Than-

Chu: Ye can always cuss at `im after tha lady retires.

Flyr: (bashes Chu)

Yukina: Um…(decides to ignore it and start again) There goes the baker with his tray like always, the same old beer and drinks to sell. Ev'ry morning just the same since the morning that we came to this poor provincial town...

Yusuke: (muttering) Man, sounds terrible. How long have we been here, supposedly?

Chu: (smiling) Mornin', sheila!

Yukina: (smiles back) Good morning, monsieur.

Chu: (looks at her funny) What tha heck is that? Have ya been drinkin' some of this, lass?

Kurama: …it's French. -.-u

Chu: Oh! Well, if yur not drinkin', guess I will. (takes a swig off platter) Where ya headed?

Yukina: (exuberant) The bookshop! I just finished the most wonderful story, about a beanstalk and an ogre and...you know, it was strange. The surroundings sounded really familiar…

George: (sweatdrop) Some one actually wrote about that time we were almost robbed in Renkai?

Koenma: (shrugs) I'll just sue for royalties.

Flyr: ….argh! (pokes Chu) Your lines??

Chu: (snorts awake) Huh? (turns to Yukina) Oh, uh, that's nice? (mutters) Books always did put me ta sleep. (turns back to counter) Marie! Fosters! Hurry up!

Rinku: (plopping down beer can) For the last time, I'm not Marie!!

Yukina: (leaving Chu and Rinku to their argument) Well, I'll see you later! (walks off humming happily)

On the other side of "town", Botan is currently yelling at most of the cast in front of her.

Botan: (angry) Come on, we have to sing!

Hiei: No way, onna.

Yusuke: I'm not doing that sissy crap!

Kurama: (sighs) I'm not sure I'm cut out for singing. I did join the orchestra at school when I was younger…

Botan: We need voices, not violas! (glares at no response) Fine! Do you want the oni choir to come back?!

The group looks angry, but files into choir formation, Hiei taking the front in the soprano section, as he's so short, Yusuke standing near Keiko for altos, and Kurama taking the back as if he's about to break out in baritone. Their faces are disgruntled, but Botan pays them no mind as she smiles and starts directing. The sounds leave something to be desired in the harmony department, and Kurama and Hiei seemed to have reversed their tonal positions, but the music is intelligible.

Group: (singing) Look there she goes, that girl is strange no question.

Kuwabara: (from backstage) Yukina's not strange!!

Tomoyo: (from backstage) Don't move! The synthetic hair hasn't had time to dry yet!

Yusuke: (sniggering at mental image)

Group (minus Yusuke): (singing) Dazed and distracted, can't you tell?

Keiko: (singing near as bad as acting) Never part of any crowd.

Chu: (making a punching bag out of Rinku, who's getting his licks in as well)

Botan: …Move on!

Group: (angrily singing) No denying she's a funny girl, that Yukina!

Botan: (smiling) Bonjour!

Kurama: (realizing it's him) Good day?

Botan: How is your family?

Kurama: (brightens) Oh! They're really quite fine! My mother's been trying this new spinning class at the local recreation center, and she finds it-

The rest of his explanation is cut off by the next lines.

Hiei: (grumpy) Hn.

Yusuke: (rolls his eyes) Yeah, I know, bad day. Least you're not standing next to Keiko. (rubs his ears)

Hiei: (suddenly smirking as he follows the lines in Botan's packet) How is your wife?

Yusuke: Wife? I'm not sure what you - oophf!

Keiko: (wiping hands) I sing perfectly fine!

Flyr: (watching Chu critically) I need six eggs.

Jin: Uh…(rummages through stand and pulls out six beers) Here?

Flyr: (nods) That'll do. [an: That'll do, pig!!! Go Babe!!! (that made me cry in the theatres when I first saw it…ah, poor pig)] (throws cans at Chu)

Chu: What the-?! (rather heavy can hits back of head) @.@

Rinku: (rubbing neck) Thanks….you can put those cans down now, Flyr. (starts backing away) Flyr? (dodges can) Whoa!

Jin: Oooo!! I wanna play!!

Yukina: (still happy) There must be more than this provincial life!

Kurama: (sweatdrop) This life is anything but provincial.

Yukina doesn't pay attention and strolls into a nearby store, which is really just a door and a cut off set area. It remains suspiciously empty before someone can run in belatedly, out of breath.

Rinku: (massaging side) Ah, Yukina! No hitting me, okay?

Yukina: (oblivious) Why would I do that? (absently heals him) I've come to return the book I borrowed, but you could have told me you worked at the bakery, then I wouldn't have wasted a trip. (hands him a small paperback from a hidden pocket)

Rinku: Uh…I moonlight for more money? Anyways, finished already? (takes corny romance book and throws it on the ground) Did Tomoyo give you this?

Yukina: (nods)

Tomoyo: (from backstage) I love that book! It's terrific! The leading woman character reminds me of Sakura!

Rinku: …sure, whatever.

Yukina: (smiling) But I couldn't put it down! Have you got anything new?

Kuwabara: (yelling at Tomoyo) You've been tainting my polka dotted pansy!

Yusuke: (muttering) I doubt she learn to love you otherwise. Of course, maybe it will just raise her standards…

Rinku: (looking around empty store) Not really.

Yukina: That's all right. I'll borrow...this one! (grabs book back off the floor)

Rinku: …you just read that one.

Yukina: (smiling) Well it's my favorite! Far off places, daring swordfights, magic spells, a prince in disguise!

Rinku: (eyebrow up) ….sure, you go ahead, just keep it. -.-u

Yukina: (small gasp) Really?

Rinku: O.o Yeah. I insist. (pushes her out of shop)

Yusuke: No wonder he has to moonlight at the, uh, "bakery". He certainly doesn't make any money giving books away!

Yukina: (1000 watt smile) [an: whew, blinding!] Thank you!!

Rinku: (slightly freaked out) No prob.

Back with the choir, Botan is once again trying to organize things. Yusuke, Hiei, and even Kurama seem to be sporting rather large bumps and sour looks, but comply to do their parts.

Yusuke, Kurama, Hiei: (singing unwillingly) Look there she goes that girl is so peculiar! I wonder if she's feeling well!

Yukina: (puts hand to head) No, I'm okay.

Botan, Keiko: (singing) With a dreamy far-off look!

YKH: (grumping) And her nose stuck in a book!

Yukina: (frowns and shakes book curiously)

Kurama: (trying to be helpful) It's just another expression.

Yukina: (tips head) It's rather silly. Who would lose their nose in a book? Can it even come off your face?

Group in sum: (singing) What a puzzle to the rest of us is Yukina!

Kurama: (quietly) How true sometimes. u.u

Yukina: (sits down on a bench) … (takes out book) …Who am I supposed to be singing to?

Touya: (with sheep ears on) Baa. -.-u

At this, the production comes to a standstill. Everyone stares in shock at the quiet Touya's role, then, almost spontaneously, erupts into laughter. Kurama manages to keep himself to low chuckles, and Hiei covers his mouth with a hand to save his rep, but the rest of the cast is lost. Touya himself doesn't look very pleased at all about the commotion, but as Yukina just smiles and pats his head as if he's a real sheep, he gives up and sighs to himself.

Yukina: (smiling) You make a cute sheep, Touya.

Touya: (blushing faintly) Baa?

Everyone: (even harder laughter….except for….)

Kuwabara: Bwahahahaha…wait…what was that?

Yukina: (claps hands and pulls out book) Oh! Isn't this amazing! It's my favorite part because, you'll see! Here's where she meets Prince Charming, but she won't discover that it's him 'til chapter three!

Yusuke: …strange. Never did like books anyway.

Keiko: (rolls her eyes) Oh, for heaven's sake!

Botan: (singing) Now it's no wonder that her name means 'beauty'.

Jin: `Tis true?

Kurama: No.

Botan: (singing) Her looks have got no parallel!

Kuwabara: That's right, Yukina, baby!

Hiei: (deadly calm) You know, I hurt hairy things like you for fun.

Yusuke: (contemplative) Like what?

Hiei: Squirrels.

Everyone: …

Hiei: (glaring) They throw nuts at me while I'm sleeping! (muttering) Someone needs to teach them a lesson.

Botan: (sighs) We've got to get you inside a house at night. (hits Yusuke) Don't think I've forgotten it's your turn!

Yusuke: (rubbing head) What the-?! Does Keiko give you lessons?!! Jeez! (reluctantly singing) But behind that fair façade I'm afraid she's rather odd. Very different from the rest of us-

Rest of Group: She's nothing like the rest of us. Yes different from the rest of us is Yukina!

Yusuke: Hey! I was singing there and you cut me off!

Botan: (shrugging) Musical directive.

Yusuke: (muttering) Whatever.

A few people have separated themselves from the group. Kurama is reading his script with a strange look on his face.

Kurama: (disbelieving) I have to "fawn" over you? What's wrong with this?!

Hiei: (shrugging) It's a stupid script anyway.

Kurama: Uh, yeah. Well, whatever. (reading script with distaste) You're the greatest hunter in the whole world, Hiei.

Hiei: (smirks) Yep.

Kurama: (shoots Hiei a look of "it's only a play, you idiot" but continues) Huh. No beast alive stands a chance against you...and no girl for that matter.

Botan: (snorts)

Hiei: (glaring) Be quiet, onna. (points finger) Well, I did have my eye on that one, but with that attitude, I'm not sure I want her anymore. (smirks)

Botan: (sticks her tongue out) Oh, shut up, Hiei. Yours is way worse. (finds everyone staring) What? (blushes)

Yusuke: (starting to grin) Ho HO, eh? So, seems like this isn't just a one time fling, huh? What has Hiei been doing over at your house lately, Botan?

Botan: (turning sharply away) N-nothing! He just came with me to buy pillows from K-mart.

Hiei: (rolling his eyes) And then furniture from another place, then towels for the bathroom, some pictures for the wall, out for food, then some sheets and linens…

Koenma: (eyes going large) Just how much time have you been spending with Hiei?!

Botan: (nervous) Oh, not that much…but Oo! That reminds me! I was wondering, Koenma-sama, I've kind've had a lot of expenses with the new house, and it's put a bit of a drain on my bank account, so I thought that maybe you could, well, help me out in that department?

Koenma: (sputtering) Wha - first Hiei - then - more cash - who do you think I am?! (turns away still in shock) The audacity!

Botan: (hesitant look) So, does that mean we'll be set to go by Monday?

Koenma: ……..(deflates) OH, whatever!!

Botan: (smiling) Thanks!

Kurama: (frowning and trying to puzzle out script) So, would you be the inventor's daughter?

Botan: (confused) Nope. I'm `random person number three'.

Kurama: Well, then who is?

Yukina: (smiling) Me.

Everyone is shocked, but Hiei beats the crowd to the point.

Hiei: WHAT?! I'm not marrying my own sister!! Wrong!!

Kurama: But, the play-

Hiei: NO WAY!

Kurama: Then what-?

Hiei: Don't care!

Yukina: (timid) Onii-san?

Hiei: (pointing at Yukina) See?!!!

Kurama: (getting annoyed at being cut off) Then think of something different! Who says you have to marry her?

Hiei: (twitching) …Fine! I'll…just make sure no one will marry her at all!

Everyone: …

Kurama: (sighs) Hiei, I'm not sure that will work.

Botan: (nods) What about Yukina?

Hiei grumps, but catches sight of his sister, who looks just tinily depressed, her eyes watering slightly. After staring with growing horror for a moment, he flips around and slightly augments his decision.

Hiei: (mumbling) Well, only people I approve of!

Yusuke: (rolls eyes) That's probably how it was going to be anyway.

Koenma: Argh! Why does every one change the plots?!! I thought you were doing well so far!!

Botan: (eyebrow up) We're only two pages in…

Hiei: (evil death glare [an: stolen from Kenshin for this special moment]) Wasn't it you who assigned these roles, godling?

Koenma: (sweatdrop) Uh, well…it sounded good?

Hiei: (tensing)

Kurama: (grabbing rope and Hiei) Uh, Botan? I'd say it's best to continue with the songs.