Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ When Fairy Tales Attack!! ❯ Beauty and the Baka Part VI ( Chapter 24 )

When Fairy Tales Attack!!

CoWritten by: Tuathafaerie and Nenagh24

Disclaimer: We don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, Disney films, or the Brother's Grimm. Note that any actual dialog taken from the movies might be interspersed without identification and that this disclaimer applies to any such lines. Please do not sue because of it.

Note: Any slandering of said Disney films or fairy tales is author intrusion and fully intentional. Enjoy!

Another one! Wah! The sillies attacked!! Two chapters in one day! And! We're progressing through the script! (I'm about a third of the way through, which is actually rather sad, but whatever. Tangents are fun to explore!) Now, read on and please review! :)

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Chapter 24

Rewind:

The house is shuffled back to it's secretive but safe hideout, and only a few lives on the friendly side are lost due to the ineffective tack booby traps, most having already been set off by Hiei's fall. Thus, the stage is set for new and even greater hilariousness - uh, I mean, acting, to ensue.

Play:

Touya: (stopping outside castle) Well, here it is, Yukina.

Yukina: Touya, don't be afraid! (hugs Touya)

Touya: I'm not- wait, yes, I'm deathly afraid of this place!

Kuwabara: (freaking out backstage) Argh!! Hands off!

Touya looks slightly proud of himself as he lifts his hands up and Yukina still remains hugging him.

Touya: You're not in this scene.

Kuwabara: I will be soon!!

Yukina: (backs up smiling) What is this place?

Touya: Um, I do believe I said it was the castle.

Yukina: …(smiling)…Papa.

Touya: Uh…well, okay, I'll have to leave you here, Yukina, I've got another scene coming up in-

Jin: Oh, boyo, we're on! (grabs Touya)

Touya: But I'm supposed to be a clock, not a sheep!

Jin: (stares for a moment) Whoops! Ah, Flyr, me girl, seems like `tis a bit of a problem…

Flyr: (panicking) Uh oh, the box is in shreds! Uh, well, what can we use?!

Jin: The Lord's almighty invention?

Koenma: My WHAT?

Flyr: That's right! Duck tape!! [an: so useful when your windows begin to leak in hurricanes. And your roof, and doors, and it even might be good against floods as well! Not too hot against transformers, though…]

Touya: (incredulous) Duck tape?!

Flyr: (pauses) Or not. I don't seem to have any on me.

Jin: Well, we could always ask the lass backstage.

Tomoyo: (emerging with a smile) Ask me what?

Jin: (happy) We need a new b-!

Flyr: (covering his mouth) Nothing! Nope! Touya's just, uh, made some revisions on his costume!

She runs around wildly for a moment, grabbing things, before finally returning to Touya, stuffing the glass bubble back on his head and wrapping him in extra teddy bear sheets.

Flyr: See?

Touya: -.-u

Tomoyo: Oh? Well, I'm not sure, but if you like it, Touya… I've got some extra costumes backstage just in case.

Touya: (amazingly grateful) Thanks. (decides to pick up scene before anything else can happen; turns to Jin) Couldn't keep quiet, could we? Just had to invite him to stay, didn't we? Serve him tea, sit in the master's chair, pet the bird.

Jin: (smiling) Ah, Touya, `twas only hospitable.

Yukina: (opens the castle door) Hello? Is anyone here? Hello? Papa? Papa, are you here?

She walks inside, only to pause as the castle set is laboriously turned around once more. Amazingly, the oni set design crews seem to have been thinking ahead, as they wheel out several side additions that appear to be rooms of varying, um, luster. Botan, still in her costume, whacks Yusuke, who has to scramble back into his. They rush over to an oversized kitchen, containing what appears to be a huge washbasin, and Botan quickly pushes Yusuke in.

Washbasin: SPLASH!

Yusuke: (sputtering) Hey! This isn't supposed to be full!

Hiei: (smirking)

Botan: (smiling innocently) Whoops!

Kurama: (quietly) I think now we really know what they were doing backstage.

Keiko: (puzzled) Booby trapping buckets?

Yusuke: Humpf! Whatever. I probably shouldn't tell you that there's a girl been seen in the castle. Big whoop.

Botan shakes her head complacently and brings out a shampoo bottle behind her back. She quickly squirts some into her hands and begins scrubbing like there's no tomorrow at Yusuke's slicked back hair.

Yusuke: What the-?! Hey!!

Botan: Now, Yusuke, I won't have you making up such wild stories. (gives it more elbow grease) Man, what do you put in here? Glue?!

Yusuke: I'm serious! Watch it! You're getting soap in my eyes!! What gave you the stupid idea to give me a bath anyway!

Botan: (lofty) I'm washing all of those dirty thoughts out of your head.

Keiko: (yelling) Scrub harder!

Yusuke: Keiko?! You're supposed to be on my side!! And it's ruining my costume! …not that I mind much.

Keiko: (pauses, then moans) Oh, the lovely filigree patterns. (sighs) Oh well, I'll go make a registry tomorrow so I don't forget the design!

Kurama: O.o She moves fast. Only in middle school and she's already making a wedding registry?

Youko: (internally) Oo! We should go with her! Those gifts are usually highly expensive! …of course I'd be there for purely professional reasons.

Kurama: (internally; sighs) You mean your profession as a professional thief. Didn't Home Depot teach you anything?

Youko: (internally) …that you can get showerheads in silver and gold?

Kurama: (covers eyes)

Botan: (sternly) Not another word! Into the tub. (shoves Yusuke underwater)

Another person rushes into the room, this time dressed in a golden color top and a big flamenco feathered skirt. She has a funny looking lace cap on her head.

Flyr: (being overly ditzy) A girl! I saw a girl in the castle! (mutters) This is the most pointless role in the whole movie.

Botan: (surprised) What?

Yusuke: (underwater) glug, glug

Botan: (hastily drags him up) Sorry bout that!

Yusuke: (gasping for breath) You're trying to kill me!

Touya: (eyes closed) Irresponsible, devil-may-care, pointy eared, stuck with a gramophone needle-

Flyr: (snaps out of mutters) Hey! Stop making fun of Jin!!

Yukina: (hesitantly) Papa?

Jin: (stares then hits Touya) Did ya see that?

Touya: Ow.

Jin: (amazed) `Tis a lass!

Touya: It's Yukina. And stop staring!

Jin: (starts dancing around with a disgruntled Touya) Don't ya see? She's the one! Tha lass we've been so long in waitin' for! `Tis her who'll break the spell!

Touya: Spell? (gets dragged by Jin) Wait a minute. Wait a minute!

Jin: (stops) Wait, got ta get tha lass ta follow me. Hmm. (starts thinking) Oh! I know! (rushes off, leaving Touya behind)

Touya: (dazed) Jin has an idea? This can't be good.

Yukina: (walking between rooms) Papa? Papa?

Jin is hiding behind a door and slapping his cheeks a bit. After a moment of what appear to be exercises, he waits until Yukina gets closer.

Yukina: Hello? Is someone here?

Jin: (with careful concentration) … ….. …. .. .. … …….

Flyr: (amazed) Limericks!

Genkai: (smirking) Those were naughty.

Kurama: (sighs) Oh dear.

Yukina: Wait! I'm looking for my father! (rushes into room)

Jin: (strictly quiet) o.o

Yukina: (frowning) That's funny, I'm sure there was someone... I-I-Is there anyone here?

Toguro: (walking out from backstage) Yo.

Yukina: (smiling and rushing forward) Papa!

Toguro: (calm) How did you find me?

Yukina: Well, first I talked to Touya for a bit. You know, the sheep that I brought home! Then he brought me to the castle because I had this random feeling that you were locked up somewhere and not safe, and then I followed a very strange wind master with funny dots. (smiling) Yep! But, your hands are like ice. We have to get you out of here.

Toguro: (hands in pockets) Yukina, I want you to leave this place.

Yukina: (curious) Who's done this to you?

Toguro: No one. I just want you to go home.

Yukina: I won't leave you!

Botan: (sniffling) What touching devotion!

Yusuke: …to a brick wall. (rolls eyes)

Genkai: (thoughtful) Actually, that's Toguro being rather nice.

Yusuke: -.-u That's his nicest form?!

Kuwabara: (rushing out) Yukina! …I mean, what are you doing here?

Yusuke: Yeah, that's right, intimidating! Remember what I told you!

Toguro: Go on home, Yukina, I'll handle this guy.

Kuwabara: O.O

Yukina: Nope, the script says I have to stay. (assumes higher pitched voice) Who's there? Who are you?

Kuwabara: Uh…(grabs script) The master of this castle. Whoa! Really? That's fantastic! Now I have someplace to bring Yukina when I marry her!

Touya: (rolls eyes)

Hiei: (snorts) Yeah, like a graveyard, because they'll be burying you on your wedding day. But more likely on your engagement day.

Botan: Oh hush! I thought we talked about this?

Hiei: (grumpy) We only talked about my approval.

Kuwabara: O.O It's getting rather scary in here.

Yusuke: Remember, intimidate!!

Kuwabara: (straightens) Right! I'm not afraid of you, shrimp! Bring it on!

Hiei: (smirks) Okay.

Botan: (grabs Hiei) Not now! Yukina's still acting!

Yukina: (determined) I've come for my father. Please let him out! Can't you see he's sick?

Toguro: …

Everyone: …?

Toguro: …(cough)

Everyone: (rolls eyes)

Kuwabara: Um, then he shouldn't have trespassed here.

Yukina: (sad) But he could die.

Yusuke: (snorts)

Yukina: (almost crying) Please, I'll do anything!

Kuwabara: Oh, my dove of delight, my angel to the wicked, my-

Yusuke: (throws box scraps) Intimidate, man! Be the beast! You're not supposed to like this girl! Scare her!

Kuwabara: But- but she's-!

Yusuke: Kuwabara, scare her or I'm telling everybody what you wear to bed at night!

Kuwabara: (squeezes eyes shut) Fine! I'm sorry Yukina, but…

Yukina: (smiling) I'm fine, Kazuma.

Kuwabara: (sighs) There's nothing you can do. He's my prisoner.

Yukina: Oh, there must be some way I can...wait! Take me, instead!

Hiei: What?!

Kuwabara: You! My selfless sonnet of the soul, you would take his place?

Toguro: I don't think you know what you're getting yourself into.

Yukina: (nodding) If I did, would you let him go?

Kuwabara: (excited) Yes, but you must promise to stay here forever!

Hiei: (growling)

Botan: (clutching onto Hiei)

Yukina: (frowning slightly) That's not very nice. I don't think that will work. What if Botan-chan and Keiko-chan want to take me out shopping?

Kuwabara: (sweating) Uh, then maybe just…visit for a while?

Yukina: (smiling) Okay! Come into the light!

Kuwabara's eyes go wide, but he nevertheless steps forward for his new "prisoner" to see. Yukina makes no reaction and continues to smile, but Toguro raises an eyebrow at the hair-covered boy and Jin has to hold back chortles at escaping such a fate and coming out with a much nicer bronze outfit.

Toguro: You're ugly.

Yukina: (still smiling) You have my word.

Kuwabara: Um, done!

Kuwabara rushes up to Toguro, who just stares down at him. After a moment standing there, unsure, he finally decides just to speak.

Kuwabara: Uh, Toguro, right? …could you come with me?

Toguro: No.

Kuwabara: (sweatdropping) Eh? Why not?

Toguro: I'm not leaving Yukina with you.

Kuwabara: …she's just visiting. I'll take extra good care of her?

Toguro: …hm. Very well, but I get to spread rumor about your appearance and attempt to rally a mob to kill you.

Kuwabara: O.o

Toguro: If you hurt her, I'll just kill you myself.

Kuwabara: O.O

Keiko: Does this mean we're going to have TWO people like Hiei protecting Yukina?!

Genkai: Well, this one's more like a father figure than a brother.

Kurama: That's going to be hard to get through.

Touya: -.-u He was the one who tried to eat me.

Kuwabara: Uh, maybe it's best if you went back to the village now.

Toguro: …(shrugs) It's still in killing distance. (walks off)

Hiei: (eyebrow up) Smooth.

Botan: (sighs) That's not how I'd want to measure feet and yards!

Yukina: (looking at script) Should I start crying now?

Hard glares come at Kuwabara from all sides, as Toguro does a double turn, Hiei's hand flies to his katana, and even Touya looks coolly ticked off. Chu shakes his head, commenting that other people should learn by observation.

Kuwabara: (suffering intense ulcers) Uh, please not now, my darling poppy!

Yukina: Oh! Okay!

Jin: (popping up) Master?

Kuwabara: (stumbling back in surprise) Wah! Watch my heart, will ya?

Jin: Well, I was tinkin' that tha lass `twill be with us for a while, ya know, and all so I thought a more comfortable room might be tha better decision…

Yukina: (looking sad) I didn't even get to say goodbye.

Kuwabara: (panicking) Whoa! Don't cry, baby! Look! (grabs Yukina's arm and rushes her over to Toguro) Here he is! See, all safe! You can say goodbye!

Yukina: (smiles) Goodbye, Mr. Toguro.

Toguro: …(nods briefly) Bye.

Kuwabara: (sighs in relief) Whew. Okay, I'll show you to your room!

Yukina: (happy) My room?

The orange haired teen seems to realize that he hasn't got an extra room to put Yukina in and panics, making hurried gestures towards Jin and Touya. After watching them walk off, he can only pray as he turns back to Yukina.

Kuwabara: Yep, that's right! Follow me.

They walk around the castle set for a while, doing nothing as Kuwabara desperately hopes Jin and Touya would hurry it up. In the middle of one of his flying trips for supplies, Jin pauses and glances down.

Jin: Ah, lad, speak to tha girl!

Kuwabara: (jumps) Oh! Um, I hope you like it here! The castle is your home from now on, and once I get the guts to propose maybe it always will be?

Koenma: (sighs) Look, I don't think you want to make a home from one of my sets. They aren't very sturdy.

Kuwabara: (defensive) Botan did!

Botan: (sweatdrop) Um, actually, my house was built by Toguro.

Kuwabara: (glances back at the stoic Toguro) …darn. Oh well. You're free to go anywhere, Yukina, except the West wing.

Yukina: (curious) What's in the West wing?

Yusuke: (muttering) The Presidential area.

Keiko: (rolls eyes) You've been watching too much foreign TV again, Yusuke.

Kuwabara: Actually, that's my room, and uh…(embarrassed) it's really messy. I don't think you'd like to come in. -.-u (spots Jin) Good, all done!

Kuwabara leads Yukina over to the quickly assembled room. Jin had participated in the activity just for fun, while Touya only did it because Yukina would be living here and he didn't want to see her living in filth. They stand near the door as Yukina smiles at her teddy bear sheet bed, ripped box end table, and, donated from Touya, a nice fishbowl with, surprisingly, a goldfish swimming inside.

Kuwabara: Um, if you need anything, don't hesitate to call!

Jin: (pokes him in the side) Invite the lass to dinner!

Kuwabara: (jumps) Oh! Oh, right! Um, Yukina, my supporting scaffold of affection, my bond stronger than denture glue, will you please join me for dinner?

Yukina: (nods happily)

Kurama: (gently correcting grammer) Would.

Keiko: (sweatdropping) I'm not sure that went quite right.