Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ When Fairy Tales Attack!! ❯ Beauty and the Baka Part IX ( Chapter 27 )

When Fairy Tales Attack!!

CoWritten by: Tuathafaerie and Nenagh24

Disclaimer: We don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, Disney films, or the Brother's Grimm. Note that any actual dialog taken from the movies might be interspersed without identification and that this disclaimer applies to any such lines. Please do not sue because of it.

Note: Any slandering of said Disney films or fairy tales is author intrusion and fully intentional. Enjoy!

Ahhh! I'm going crazy! And! (sobs) I left you again! I said I wouldn't, but there I go and do it!! (sighs) But I was super sick, and then, when I get better and finish up with my other story updates first, life goes crazy again. I used almost every spare hour over the weekend to try and work on this, but it only ended up being about three hours. Three more today and I've got a thirty-page chapter for you! Three times the normal length!! Most of the time I get to ten pages and I stop. But! I felt you deserved a big update!! And my sister thinks it's funny, so maybe you'll like it, huh? (honestly, it's my least favorite part in the movie itself, which is terrible of me to say, but I jazzed it up for you and went off tangent a lot, so I don't notice it as much) Anyway, hope you enjoy!! :)

Oh, Ps. and BTW, I'm thinking about entering this story in the contest for MediaMiner in the parody category, so…it doesn't affect you fanfiction readers (you can cheer for me though, I'll appreciate it.) :) but I'll probably be cleaning up the grammar a bit for the first two chapters on MediaMiner just so that it looks a bit better. (That was back before I had figured out what I was really doing with this fic! That was a long time ago!) Aya! Wish me luck! ;)

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Chapter 27

Rewind:

Yukina: (smiling charmingly at Touya) Perhaps you could take me. I'm sure you know everything there is to know about the castle.

Touya: Ah…(deflates under Yukina's happy smile) Okay. I'll give you a tour. (adds almost sarcastically) No charge.

Play:

With aplomb, Touya begins his tour, tucking Yukina's hand around his arm, much to the disgruntlement of Kuwabara. It isn't a very impressive tour, as the set is shoddily designed and Yukina knows much of it intimately already, but the ice demon tries his best to follow the design of the script. Jin follows along, not really helping at all.

Touya: And this is a cardboard box, circa two weeks ago at a paper plant, made from trees which were brutally chopped down by industrialists. (an: all I can see when I say this is that scene from LOTR II with the tree guy on fire…creepy)

Hiei: (growls)

Kurama: (sighs) It wasn't your tree, don't worry.

Touya: (bored out of his mind) And this is a fishbowl, made out of sand which has been heated to extreme temperatures and then blown into a rough circular shape, time period unknown.

Jin: (snoring on Touya's shoulder)

Yukina: Oh! How fascinating! (looks left) Oh, but what's up here? (an: is it just me, or has she got a short attention span?)

Touya: (looking in the direction indicated…empty space) Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Jin: (mutters awake) But tha President always works in tha West Wing, lassie.

Touya: Uh…

Yukina: Oh, so that's the West Wing.

Jin: (sentient enough to catch last comment) Nice going.

Touya: That was your fault, idiot!

Yukina: (smiling innocently) Kuwabara's bedroom? I wonder what he's hiding up there.

Touya: (looking sick) I wouldn't ask.

Kuwabara: …hey!

Jin: (quickly) Oh, nothin' `tall lass!

Yukina: (reasoning it out) Then it wouldn't be forbidden, right?

Touya: It's forbid-? (dodges elbow from Jin) I mean, of course it's forbidden! (mutters) Even if I don't remember him saying that. (back to normal) Anyway, why don't we go somewhere else?

Yukina: (smiling happily) Maybe later.

Jin: Uh, tha gardens! Or tha library!

Yukina: (claps hands excitedly) You have a library? With books on ningens?

Touya: (frowns) Do you, Koenma?

Koenma: (around a mouthful of gummy bears) Yep, `round the corner.

Touya: (shrugs) Guess we do.

Jin: (grabs Touya) Then off we go! (rushes out the door)

Touya: Whoa! Hold it!

Yukina: (suddenly alone) Um, okay?

She turns promptly and enters the "forbidden" zone, which is really an area Touya's toured her through several times already. She walks complacently to the door, not flinching when an unholy mess unfolds behind the cardboard. She leaps a myriad of piles of dirty laundry, as well as old comic books and molding sandwiches, never blinking twice. Kuwabara looks at the area, stunned, before flipping to Koenma.

Kuwabara: Hey! Why'd you transport my room here?!!

Keiko: (disgusted) Your room actually looks like this in real life?!

Yusuke: (calm) Oh no. It's really much worse.

Koenma: Well, I wanted it to appear realistic…

Kuwabara: (enraged) That's all from under my bed!!

Koenma: (suddenly nervous) Well, not all of it. I'm afraid some other stuff wandered in to the portal as well.

Eikichi: Meow.

Kuwabara: Ahhh! Eikichi! Stay away from that bad man! Come back ….here…

He trails off as another person picks up the cat with a sigh.

Shizuru: What are you doing, brother? I swear, I thought you told me you'd be at Botan's house for a sleepover or something! You'd better not be lying to me all the time!

Kuwabara: …

Botan: (sweatdrop) Um, we're stuck here for Koenma's silly play things.

Yusuke: (waving hand in front of Kuwabara's face) Hello in there? (snaps fingers) Kuwabara? (sighs, then…) WAKE UP!!!!

Kuwabara: (snaps) Ahhhh! My sister's here!!!!

Shizuru: No duh.

Flyr: Psh! Your sister's nothing! I've got an unfortunate two.

Kurama: (starts shivering uncontrollably) T-two?!

Shizuru: So, what? Are you going to be stuck doing this for hours?

Koenma: I can send you home if you want. (sweatdrops) How'd you get stuck in that portal anyway?

Shizuru: (shrugs) I tossed the bed out of the way. (looks over) Your room's a mess, bro.

Kuwabara: (crying) My bed!!! Y.Y

Koenma: Eh…

Shizuru: But don't worry bout it. I'd like to stick around and watch if I could.

Keiko: (sardonic) Thanks.

Koenma: Well…I guess you could sit back here with me…

Shizuru: (plops down with Eikichi) That's fine. Could you pass some of that Melba toast?

Koenma: …(silently passes over the snacks)

Shizuru: (munching) Mm. Thanks.

Everyone, not a little freaked out by this appearance, turns back to the play, where Yukina has now made it past the obstacle course that is Kuwabara's room and to a small pedestal, which seems to be decorated with Kurama's rose, in all it's, uh, wilting glory! The kitsune is ticked off to find his rose whip in such poor condition, but makes no outcry as Yukina steps forward, and lifts another glass bowl off the top of it. It seems that it has now been discovered where Touya's spare costumes are going. Most stare with bated breath, whether of boredom, in the case of Yusuke and Hiei, or in anticipation, like Botan and Keiko, who clutch each others hands knowing what is coming up, or in fear, like Kuwabara, who still hasn't recovered from the arrival of his sister, as Yukina's hand reaches out to touch the rose. She pauses barely a centimeter from the sorry flower, and waits there, smiling complacently. Finally, Keiko's impatiently tapping toes are audible to the entire stage.

Keiko: WHAT'S going on here?!! Kuwabara!! You've got lines!!

Kuwabara: …huh?

Kurama: Oh, don't stop her. (calls slightly louder) Yukina, water my rose while you're there!

Yukina: (happily) Okay!

Botan: (grabs Yukina's arm quickly) Hold on! You can't do that! It'll ruin the end of the movie!

Kurama: Please, Yukina!

Botan: (harried) Kuwabara!

Kuwabara: Oh, right!

The orange top rushes over to the area of the stage where Yukina is waiting. Botan, making sure there are no watering pails in sight, exits the room and goes back to waiting impatiently waiting with Keiko.

Kuwabara: (dramatically) My synonym of harmony, my patrician populace of love, my-!

Yukina: (flinches back) I'm sorry!

Kuwabara: (pauses, undone) …what?

Yusuke: (whistles) Wow, I do believe Yukina has finally showed some reaction to the pet names!

Yukina: (following her lines) I didn't mean any harm.

Kuwabara: O.o …Of course you didn't, my raging wildfire of delight, my-

Yukina: (scared now) Please, stop! No!

Kuwabara: Uh…

Yusuke: Yeah! Tell him off, Yukina! You hate those food names too, right? Shove it in his face! Crush him to the ground! Squeeze out-! Ooophf!

Keiko: (standing over the fallen Yusuke) How many times have I told you?!! Stop making fun of people!!!

Botan sighs as a distraught Yukina dashes from the room and quickly picks her way through the castle set. Poor Kuwabara is left standing next to the approaching death rose, not quite sure what just happened. From stage left, Hiei is grinning evilly. On her way out, Yukina grabs the startled Touya, just returning from goodness knows where with Jin, and drags him off again.

Jin: (surprised) Whoa, lass! Where ya goin'?

Yukina: (dramatically) Promise or no promise, I can't stay here another minute!

Touya: (choking) Gah! Wait! x.x

Yukina ignores this, dragging him off anyway, through the, uh, area where the forest formerly was. Now onis try desperately to recreate the already destroyed scene, which has already assumed it's new role of tinder wood, as they blow dry ice smoke over the area. Several screams are heard as some idiotic souls make the mistake of trying to pick the ice up in an effort to speed up the process and end up with cold burns. Nobody pays attention, used to this by now. Calmly, Yukina begins walking in circles in the smoke, with one very confused Touya, sheep ears still firmly in place.

Kurama: (confused) What are they doing?

Jin: Um…(snaps fingers) Oh, I've got it! Tha lass must be elopin' with Touya!

Kuwabara: (stumped by language) What?

Touya: WHAT?!!

Yukina: Um…I guess…but that's not really what this scene is about.

Touya: … (blushes furiously) (an: wait for it, his head's going to explode any minute. Wait for it…wait for it…)

Kuwabara: Elope?

Yusuke: (being surprisingly helpful from the floor) You know, when two people run off to get married! (looks at Keiko) Hint, hint.

Keiko: (calmly) Shut up.

Kuwabara: (steam rushes out of ears) What?!! I don't think so!!

Yusuke: (jumping up and rushing over to Kurama) Look, it's the rage! The rage, I tell you! Once Kuwabara gets into this state, he does really stupid stuff, and if you push him far enough, he'll even fight girls!

Kurama: (not quite sure what he should do with this) Uh…

Keiko: (rolls her eyes) Oh, just hit him for me!

Kurama: …hm.

Hiei: (smirking) Hn, fine. (easily bashes Yusuke)

Yukina: (puzzled) Where are the wolves?

Indeed, the chorus onis are conspicuously missing from this scene. A moment's searching finds them hiding beneath Koenma's teddy bear sheets, holding signs with x's over what looks to be suspiciously like Toguro's face. Obviously their previous run in with the large fighter has cowed their want to appear in the play again as wolves. After some shouting from Koenma, they weakly give out faint howling sounds, but make no move to attack the two ice demons standing center stage. Touya shrugs and takes Yukina's hand moving to the right.

Touya: Come on, Yukina, let's just go.

Kuwabara: (appearing out of nowhere…wearing what appears to be a superman cape and once again the headband of love) I don't think so!! Step away from him, Yukina!

Botan: …where'd he get that cape?

Shizuru: (dry) That was his Halloween costume last year. He must keep it under his bed.

Keiko: Kuwabara still goes trick or treating?! Isn't he getting a bit old for that?

Shizuru: (shrugs) Yusuke went with him.

Keiko: (frowning) He told me he was at the arcade!

Botan: (curious) As what?

Shizuru: Sailor Moon.

Botan and Keiko: O.o

Kurama: (quietly) Sailor Moon and Superman, saving the world from demons one Halloween night at a time.

Yusuke: (not listening) He's STILL got that headband?!! Kurama!! You were supposed to get rid of it!!

Kurama: I didn't especially feel the want to search through his personal belongings.

Youko: (internally; agreeing) Blegh! I don't even want to know where he keeps it! It's not in his pockets, that's for sure!

Keiko: (very slowly) Yusuke…you cross-dressed…as Sailor Moon?

Yusuke: (thrown off) What? …Shizuru!!

Shizuru: (calmly petting Eikichi)

Botan: (excited) Oh! Do her famous lines! You know, (hands fly up in complicated patterns) "In the name of the moon, I will punish you!"

Hiei: …Onna, you're embarrassing me.

Yusuke: No, no, no! You're doing it all wrong!!

Everyone: O.o

Kurama: Okay, that just makes it worse.

Kuwabara slowly recovers from his distraction at this point. Lucky for him, Touya has been just as stunned, more by the picture that is presented him, that of a hairy boy in a plastic cape and freaky headband, than what anybody has said. Yukina is smiling calmly waiting for her turn to come again.

Kuwabara: Where was I? …Oh yeah! Get away from my riveting postcard of sanity, Iceman!!

Touya: …no. I think you might be contaminated.

Kuwabara: …well, I don't care if you think I'm incarcerated! You are not eloping with Yukina!

Keiko: (veins popping) Contaminated!! It means sickly! Incarcerated is locked away in jail!!

Hiei: Baka.

Kuwabara: (pointing at Touya) Stop using big words on me!!

Touya: …look, are we going to fight or not?

Kuwabara: Bring it on!!

Yukina: (smiling) Okay! Let's go home!

Everyone: …

Kuwabara: M-my Dante's Inferno, what do you mean?

Yukina: (tilting head) Well the wolves are gone, you can't hear them howling anymore, so that means we can go back to the castle.

Yusuke: (whining) Oh, come on! I wanted to see the fight!

Touya: If you say so. (starts leading Yukina back)

Kuwabara: …hey!! (jumps to other side of Yukina)

Kurama: (eyebrow up) I don't think this conflict is over.

Kuwabara: Release her, Mr. Cold Hands!

Yukina: (confused) Touya's hands aren't cold.

Touya: (barely smirking) I think she'd rather go with me.

Kuwabara: Argh! (grabs Yukina)

Yusuke: (chanting) Fight, fight, fight, fight!!

Flyr: (eyebrow up) You really have been watching too much foreign TV.

Hiei: (glaring) If either of you attempt to rip her in half, I'm afraid you'll be suffering the same fate rather quickly.

Abruptly, both Kuwabara and Touya release the oblivious ice maiden, and she walks back into the castle by herself. The other two nervously walk past Hiei, who is glowering strong enough to set entire school buses on fire, and follow after Yukina. Muttering at the ice demon beside him, Kuwabara takes his place in the cardboard chair, amidst a hastily assembled Jin, Touya, and Botan. Yukina holds out a hand.

Yukina: (kindly) Are you hurt?

Kuwabara: (confused) Not really, my golden fleece of - (something hits him in the arm) oww!

Touya: (hiding ice shards and trying to look innocent)

Yukina: Oh, that's better!

Kuwabara: O.o Um…

Yukina: (easily heals him and returns to script) If you'd hold still, it wouldn't hurt as much.

Kuwabara: It doesn't hurt at all, my calypso of the morning!

Yukina: (smiling as she yells back) Well if you hadn't frightened me, I wouldn't have run away!

Kuwabara: (confused out of his mind) Um…sorry?

Yukina: (yelling firmly now) Well you should learn to control your temper!

Kuwabara: (swirly eyes) Whatever you say…

Botan: (sighs) I don't really think this is working out.

Yusuke: (sniggering) But it sure is funny! Now he gets to have a girlfriend like me!

Keiko: (dark aura suddenly surrounds) What was that, Yusuke?

Yusuke: (obligingly repeats himself) Now he gets to have a girl..friend…(suddenly recognizes his danger as Keiko looms closer) Uh…like Hiei!

Botan: WHAT?!

Yusuke: Never mind! I didn't say anything! -.-u

Yukina: (back to normal now) By the way, thank you, for saving my life.

Kuwabara: …Yukina, my springtime songbird, are you sure you're okay? You don't have…PMS right now, do you? I mean, cause those mood swings are - (suffers elbow jab from Jin) Oww! What's wrong with you people!

Jin: Ah, lad, do your lines correctly for once!

Kuwabara: (muttering) You're welcome.

Koenma: (suddenly shoots up to give a clapping ovation) Brilliant! That was wonderful!!

Everyone: ô.o

Kurama: (confused) Has he been watching this play?

Koenma: Yukina should get an Oscar for that! Amazing!

Yukina: (smiling) Thank you.

Yusuke: …give her one at the next Reikai Awards Ceremony, just get on with it! Do you know how long I've been here?!! (AN: we're on the ninth part…(shivers))

Koenma: Oh, alright. (grumblingly claps hands) Scene change!!

The dry ice containers are hauled off stage with relief at his words, where accidents can plague the - oh, for fun let's say the postal workers! - instead of the set designing onis for once. In its place, a gypsy wagon is wheeled on, reminiscent of Cher's famous song of similar title, with a scraggly title written in brown ink along the sides. Few of the cast members can make heads nor tails of the message until Keiko finally gives in and explains that a "loony bin" is something similar to an insane asylum, only where the caretakers should be just as "committed" as the patients, not an actual container for geese. Kurama just sighs at this definition. He moves forward, fighting the urge to roll his eyes, as Hiei cheerfully approaches the place of imposing doom for his intended target.

Kurama: (quietly) Hiei, how are you going to do what you want and still stick to the script?

Hiei: (eyebrow up) Hn, fox, of course I'm not sticking to the script! (opens door)

Kurama: (sighing) Oh dear.

Inside the cart, which is pushed around for easy viewing, much to the disquiet of Hiei, who has just stepped aboard, one cast member sits calmly at a round table, looking decidedly evil in aura. She glances up with boredom as Hiei breaks off from glaring at the oni production crew and threatening them with further incineration to move to his place at the table. Kurama, appearing overrun, sits without comment beside him.

Genkai: (smirking) I don't usually leave the asylum in the middle of the night, but they said you'd make it worth my while.

Hiei: (suspicious) Who said I'd make it worth your while?

Genkai: (matter of fact) They did. Now pay up.

Hiei: Hn. (sits there)

Genkai: …I don't work without money. Pay or I'm leaving.

Kurama: (fed up) Oh, for goodness sakes! (throws out a bag) Here!

Youko: (internally; wrought) Nooo!! My ransom gold!!! Shuichi, you thief!!

Genkai: (suddenly cheery again) Okay, I'm listening!

Hiei: …

Genkai: …?

Hiei: …

Kurama: (nudges Hiei)

Hiei: I'm thinking here! …It's like this… Okay, I've got it. Your large friend recently discussed …

Kurama: (delicately) Gathering people.

Hiei: (glaring at Kurama) Right. Now, there have been people around here who are asking for punishment.

Genkai: (tapping fingers on table) Don't be an idiot. I've got ties here as well.

Kurama: Parole, Hiei, parole. You don't want to be on it for another century, do you?

Hiei: Shut up! Stop butting in, kitsune! I'm talking more…public humiliation.

Genkai: …(smirks once more) Okay, I can do that. What lines are we speaking?

Hiei: Diversionary large-scale tactics, small theft, electronic wiring and communication, then display.

Genkai: (musing it out) Sounds reasonable.

Kurama: (eyebrow up) And I suppose I'm supposed to steal things for you?

Hiei: (straight out) Yep.

Genkai: I love it! …now get out of my wagon.

Hiei shrugs then leaves, along with the quietly sardonic Kurama. Youko has just had an internal reaffirmation of why he became partners with Hiei in the first place and puts up with the old woman, as he is happily singing to himself about stealing the as yet unknown item for this production. The rest of the cast is left to try and figure out the results by themselves.

Keiko: I don't understand, that whole thing was supposed to get Belle - I mean, Yukina - to marry him! What was that?

Yusuke: (grinning) Knowing Hiei, it's probably painful.

Keiko: Shouldn't you be a bit more worried about this?!

Yusuke: (shrugs) As long as it doesn't involve me, I'm all for it.

Keiko: (rolls her eyes) You're terrible!

Botan: (glancing nervously at Koenma) But then who is it for?

Kuwabara: It'd better not be for my darling effervescent sunbeam's father!

Flyr: (eyebrow up) You're sticking up for Toguro now?

Jin: (frowning) I thought he killed ya in tha tournament?

Touya: No, no, it only LOOKED like he was killed in the tournament.

Kuwabara: (Ticked that his inglorious "demise" is being discussed) Aw, drop it! I knew he wasn't trying to kill me!

Flyr: (puzzled) That still doesn't explain why you're protecting him. I mean, if it was me-

Hiei: (annoyed) Who says it isn't the rest of you? Stop discussing my private affairs!

Kurama: …they were hardly private, Hiei.

Hiei: Hn.

Shizuru: Koenma, don't you think you should be worried about this? ô.o

Unfortunately, the young godling is unable to answer as his jaw is stuck together from an unlucky incident with gummy bears, which are defying physics more powerfully than super glue. In fury, he shakes his head, but it is uncertain to what he is referring to. George hovers near by with a glass of milk, the usual cure all for peanut butter mouth, and Shizuru just shrugs before turning to the rest of the cast.

Shizuru: Eh, whatever. Get on with it!

Kuwabara: (suddenly cowering)

Yusuke: Man, you get rid of one dictator just to replace it with another! Shesh!

Grumbling at their new imposing mistress, the cast sullenly aligns themselves back into formation at the castle. Everything is moving on slowly and distastefully but surely until one person makes a rather unsettling discovery.

Touya: Okay, hang on, I'm supposed to be where?

Yukina: (easily) With me. n.n

Touya: Well, I can see that, but what about-?

Jin: Ah, lad yer supposed ta be with me!

Touya: …how?

Jin: Tch. You're sayin' ya don't know how? Eh? Well, I'll explain it, but `tis rather easy. See, ya move yer legs like so, and then ya direct them in a southernly kind of trend, then ya make sure ya stop when you're nearby, and-

Touya: (annoyed) I know how to walk! How am I supposed to be in two places at once?!

Flyr: (bored) Dopplegangers?

Everyone: …?

Flyr: -.-u Never mind.

Shizuru: (tapping fingers) The script, people! This play isn't moving forward by itself!

Touya: I've got a bit of a problem here if you don't mind!

Yusuke: What about if Touya keeps running back and forth? That should work.

Keiko: Mm, I guess. He'd have to keep hiding the sheep ears though.

Touya: (veins popping) I don't think running back and forth would work very well in this situation.

Shizuru: Don't make me get out the whip!

Kuwabara: (whimpering more)

Yusuke: O.o Just what is your sister, Kuwabara? I mean, I don't think she's human… More like bordering on demon.

Keiko: Oh, hush, Yusuke. That's not very nice!

Yusuke: (dodging) Would explain why she liked Sakyo though.

Kurama: Look, why doesn't Touya just make an ice replica of himself to play with Yukina and then he can say his lines over near Jin.

Botan: (impressed) You can do that Touya?

The ice demon shrugs then stands still for a moment. He steps backwards from a faint outline of ice, making another one for his back, then pushes them together. The inside is quickly filled with more ice to make it solid, and then slid over to a happy Yukina, who takes the little ice copy's hand cheerfully. Shaking himself off, Touya moves over to stand near Jin. After a minute of complete silence, he looks back at the rest of the cast.

Touya: Well?!

Botan: (breaks out into applause) Wow!! That was amazing! It's so life like!

Keiko: (excited) Could you do some of the rest of us? It'd be so cool!

Kurama: (eyebrow up) You want a full size figure of yourself? …I don't think I want to know why.

Touya: It would be cool. You'd probably freeze to death if you attempted it. Yukina's the only one who could do it.

Kuwabara: Really?! You can make multiple creations of my snowflake damsel?! Do you think you could make one for me?!

Hiei: (-xxxx) Don't you even dare be thinking what I think you're thinking about my sister baka!! There is no way I'm letting you indulge your fantasies on a copy!

Yusuke: (laughing) No, no, let him get one! He'll probably freeze his lips to it if he tries to kiss it. Imagine the fun that would be!

Touya: (eyebrow up) I don't think so. I don't make copies of people without their agreement and I wouldn't agree to your intentions.

A crack suddenly runs through the room as fire erupts and onis run in fear for their lives. Attention turns sharply as Yukina has to work quick to save the Touya copy from melting, only to find Shizuru looking none too happy, carrying a stereo and a box of matches. She lights another match and tosses it out towards the idiotically milling chorus onis and another one bites the dust. Literally. He's face down rolling frantically in spread sawdust in an effort to put himself out. Everyone watches in mixed bemusement as Shizuru hits the tape once more and another crack comes out.

Shizuru: Okay, that's enough!! I gave you your warning, now get to work!

Yusuke: …(turns abruptly) Kuwabara, you're telling me your sister keeps you in line with a TAPE RECORDING of a whip?!!

Kuwabara: The mental images are terrible, man!

Yusuke: It's not REAL!!

Kurama: (speaking with interest) What kind of whip is it, do you know? Because it sounds kind've like a carriage whip, the ones that are tied at the end. They just make noise, they don't actually do anything. But it's also got undertones of leather.

Shizuru: (just as thoughtful) I don't know. I bought it from the thrift store -

Botan: (silently mouthing with disbelief) Thrift store?

Hiei: (shrugs) You ningens are weird anyway.

Shizuru: (continuing without pause) -but it really didn't say much there. See? (pops out tape) Just says, "Scary sounds for Halloween, Fun Houses, and Freaking Out Your Siblings." Not much to go by.

Kurama: Hm. Then, could it be synthetic?

Koenma: (finally managing to pry his jaws open) Argh!! Who cares, move on!!! (muttering) I leave you alone for one minute and chaos descends.

Kuwabara: Okay! (pulling out his script with relish and thankful his sister is no longer in charge) I've never felt this way about anyone. I want to do something for her! (pauses for a second) Oh, I know! I'll build her a tower! One, um, eighty stories high! With…oh! Big flashing neon lights that form a heart! Isn't it wonderful? Just perfect for my maiden of unearthly delight!

Everyone: … o.o

Touya: (deciding to ignore that) How about flowers, chocolates, promises you don't intend to keep...

Jin: Ah, no, it's got ta be somethin' special!! (quickly) But not that special! Somethin' that tha lass is interested in…

Kuwabara: (put out) Who says Yukina doesn't like towers?

Jin: (sighs) Lad, usually tha women aren't very impressed with…construction projects for gifts. Big, sweaty men with lots of dust and muscles-

Flyr: Hey!! I like that!

Kuwabara: See?

Jin: …(turns to Touya) Aw, does someone want ta get me in trouble?! If I contradict me girl, she's gonna hurt me!

Touya: Sorry, this is your problem. (walks off)

Jin: Touya?! (squeezes eyes shut) Okay, lad, let's start from tha beginnin'. Number one, is your Yukina anything like my lass yonder?

Kuwabara: Flyr? No way! My Orange Roughy of scrumptiousness is kind, caring, beautiful, delectable, lovely, stunning, intelli-

Flyr: Hey!! I resent all that!!

As Flyr launches herself at the surprised and suddenly fearful Kuwabara, the rest of the cast mills without any purpose, talking amongst themselves.

Yusuke: (frowning) I'm not sure I got his last reference. Is that a dessert?

Kurama: (sighs) I think Yukina has now become a fish dish. (an: actually, they serve that junk at my work. It's really just fish, but for some reason, everything has to have fancy names. -.-u)

Youko: (internally) Hey, that rhymes! Fish Dish!

Kurama: (internally) …I'm cutting association with you.

Youko: (internally; smug) That's impossible!

Botan: (noticing something) Um, where are Chu and Rinku?

Indeed, the two fighting delinquents are nowhere to be found, having disappeared, it seems, into thin air. Various conjectures are then made, ranging from extremely long, and ugly, bathroom breaks, to finding a portal out of here, to off reading romance books with Toguro, the last courtesy of Genkai, who is taking malicious fun in watching Jin struggling to pull a rabid Flyr off a very mentally and moderately physically hurt Kuwabara. Touya uses the opportunity to browse his pockets, then approaches the ice maiden. He seems a little unnerved by the picture of the turquoise haired girl pointing out different tack "flowers" for sheep Touya to eat so that he can become "nice and fluffy", in her words.

Touya: Yukina? Um, do you think you could let go of my copy for a second?

Yukina: Okay. (happily releases ice copy Touya's hand) Yes?

Touya: Ah, well, I was in the library recently, mostly because Jin dragged me off there…(trails off as he shivers in remembrance of the eerie place) But, um, I remembered that you wanted a book on ningens, so…I, uh, picked one up for you. (holds out a small novel)

Yukina: "Catcher in the Rye"? Thank you!

Touya: No problem. Tell me if you like it, okay? I've never read it myself, but it was placed pretty prominently on the shelf.

Yukina: (takes real Touya's hands as she walks back) Nope, I'm sure I'll love it!

Ice Touya: (melting)

Botan: (smirking) Oh, would you look at that?

Jin: (puffing) Lass, I'm a mite busy now! (pulling backwards) Ah, come on, me girl, ya know I think all those things just make ya interestin'!

Flyr: I-interesting?!!! (suddenly jumps Jin)

Jin: Ack! I mean, lovely!

Flyr: (not listening as she throttles him) Don't lie! I heard you the first time!!

Yusuke: (curious) Look at what?

Touya: (smiling (an: just tinsily. Tinily, I tell you!) as he holds Yukina's hand)

Flyr: (looking hard at Jin) Now, isn't this exciting.

Jin: (rolls his eyes) `Tisn't really. (pulls her down with him and grins) But now it is.

Flyr: You- you-! (gives up in defeat and mutters) Charmer.

Kurama: (eyebrow up) Flyr's got a weird sense of the romantic.

Keiko: (shrugs) Well, I think it's romantic when Yusuke tells me where he's going.

Kurama: …(sticks with the safe answer) hm.

Yusuke: Aw, come on, I don't see anything!

Botan: (starts) Mm? Oh, Yusuke! Well, come on, there's chores to be done in the kitchen.

Yusuke: What?!! I don't even do chores at home, what gives you the idea I'd do them for that baby?!

Kuwabara: (struggling weakly up from the ground) Look, can we just move on?

Koenma: (ticked) Even though you just butchered that scene (an: yeah, you know I did, Ko-baby) I guess I've had enough of this insaneness. Continue.

Yukina: (suddenly excited) I get to sing again!

Hiei: (quickly) All of us?

Botan: (rolls eyes) No, just Yukina. (hesitates before cuts through Hiei's sigh of relief) -and Kuwabara.

Hiei: O.O What?!!

Kuwabara: Hey, I sing pretty good! (an: does he? I've never heard his song on the CD. Really, I only heard the other ones by chance…I really like Jin's though. n.n)

Hiei: …hn.

Kurama: (quietly) It's got to be better than Flyr's.

Flyr: (hears it anyway) Kurama!! Okay, I don't care if my sister likes you to the point of insanity!

Jin: (clutching her arms) Me girl, I tink ya definitely want to reconsider!

Flyr: (pouts) Hmphf. What is this, a bash Flyr day?

Touya: (eyebrow up) Actually, I think it's a bash everyone day. Except for Yukina.

Botan: (suddenly thoughtful) She always seems to get left out of these everyone deals, doesn't she?

Yukina: (politely) Do you think I might sing now?

Koenma: (crying out for his sanity) Go for it!

A spotlight suddenly hits our favorite ice maiden as she begins her song, birds singing peacefully in the background. The rest of the cast moves aside, leaving Kuwabara unsure of what to do on a dark stage, the inset track lighting on the floor giving no instruction. Finally, he gives up and hopes for heavenly inspiration.

Yukina: (smiling and singing) There's something sweet and almost kind. But he was mean and he was coarse and unrefined. But now he's dear and so unsure, I wonder why I didn't see it there before.

Hiei: (glowering) I dislike this song. They should skip it.

Botan: Oh, be quiet, Hiei. Let me enjoy the singing for once, please?

Unluckily for Kuwabara, heavenly inspiration comes in the form of a spotlight descending. After it is tugged aloft again and illuminated, and a script thrown heavily from an irritated Koenma at his head, Kuwabara coughs dramatically and begins in on his part.

Kuwabara: (singing) She glanced this way, I thought I saw, and when we touched she didn't shudder at my paw.

Yusuke: (catcalling) I knew you were an animal! Ha HA!

Kuwabara: (glares but continues as he gazes at Yukina) No it can't be, I'll just ignore, but then she's never looked at me that way before.

Hiei: (snorts) With disgust?

Botan: (rolls eyes)

Kurama: (sighs) Hiei, if you don't watch it, you're on the way to getting smacked.

Flyr: (frowning) What's the point of this song? I mean, don't they have another romantic song later? All Disney movies are only allotted one romantic song apiece. It's like a rule or something!

Kurama: Maybe because little kids can't sit through more than three minutes of "mushy stuff"?

The kitsune pauses as he looks at Keiko and Botan, who are watching the scene with starry eyes, then at Yusuke, who's tapping his toes and gazing curiously at the birds in the rafters, as if thinking of something, then finally at Hiei, who appears absolutely murderous but refuses to take his eyes off Kuwabara in case he might attempt "something".

Kurama: (revising his statement) Well, at least little boys.

Yusuke: (rubbing chin) Birds, eh? (smirks) Barbeque sounds good.

Yukina: (singing her heart out) New, and a bit alarming, who'd have ever thought that this could be? True, that he's no Prince Charming, but there's something in him that I simply didn't see.

Botan: (gushing) Oh, that's so sweet!

Suddenly, a shot of spirit energy goes off, startling the cast. Curses and a "Darnit, missed" can be heard from Yusuke before everything goes haywire. It seems that the birds on the rafters that were singing so complacently for Yukina just seconds before were really the birds on loan from the set of Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds. Small winged animals suddenly become perilous dive-bombing creatures with a tendency for kamikaze attacks. Everyone begins making yells of alarm and ducking off the stage in a hope to escape. In his chair, Koenma frowns.

Koenma: Hm, I knew I shouldn't have borrowed those demon crows from Spirit Prison.

Botan: (screeching) You did WHAT!?!

Koenma: (covering ears quickly) They looked so cute!

Botan: (pointing at dissolved stage) You think that's cute?!

Hiei: (pulling her down and out of the line of fire) My ears aren't appreciating that, onna!

Koenma: (frowning) What started them off though?

The cast becomes deadly silent as everyone turns to Yusuke. Finding himself the subject of numerous death glares, the spirit detective smiles weakly and takes a minor step back.

Yusuke: H-hey guys, what's up?

Hiei: (eyebrow up) The birds, no thanks to you.

Keiko: Yusuke, you pig headed idiot!! (smacks him) What gave you the idea to fire at the crows?!

Yusuke: Um, I was in the mood for chicken? (backs up quickly as the death glares worsen into, um, serial killer stares?) Whoa! Hey, look, it's Koenma's fault for eating in front of us! I haven't had anything since the pixie sticks!

Koenma: Well, since it was Yusuke's fault, it's his job to get rid of the crows.

Yusuke: What?!!

Botan: (bordering on evilly) Yes, Yusuke, go have fun and beat up these crow things, will you?

Yusuke: (a little freaked out at having his assistant so willing to put him into battle) Uh…

Kurama: (sighs) It's probably best just to get it over with.

With an overly dramatic sigh, Yusuke moves out of the cover of the stadium seating and back on stage, his arms over his head. After a few wild shots at the fast moving crows, he finally gets fed up. Another second and a surge of power races across the clearing, knocking down everything in it's path, including the castle, Yukina's old house, and the tacks that had remained to booby trap the floor. For a second, Toguro's head pops out curiously from backstage, which has remained unscathed, but when a bird lands on his head, KOed, he shrugs and retreats. Moments later, scents of smoking crow are coming from Tomoyo's haven while Yusuke brushes himself off.

Yusuke: Heh, well, that's that, I guess.

Genkai: Dimwit. Who told you to release the spirit wave? Do the words "only for emergencies" mean anything to you?

Yusuke: What are you talking about?! They were going to kill me if I didn't do something! That's an emergency!

Koenma: (staring in shock at the stage) My sets!! (gasps) And my sheets!!!! This is coming out of your paycheck, Yusuke!!

Yusuke: (grumbling) What paycheck?

Botan: (kicking a winged form) What do we do with the birds?

Kurama: (shrugs) Might as well eat them. I can't think of any other uses.

Keiko: (looking disgusted) Eat them? How are we supposed to cook them?!

Hiei: (surreptitiously lights one on fire) Hn. It's easy enough.

Botan: (thoughtful) Well, I guess the kitchens will appreciate it if we send them along.

Keiko: (bordering on sick) I'm never eating here again. -.-

Koenma: (frazzled) Grr. It's a good thing I hired all those extra onis. George! Bring out the set design crew! And the wheelbarrows! Somebody's got to pick up the meat!

Legarthically, the overworked set designing onis crawl onto the stage, watching Yusuke warily and making signs against the devil, much to the disgust of the spirit detective. Nothing he says, however, manages to convince them otherwise, and his wisecracking about being the great grandson of "Raizen" just sets them off at a more furious pace. With the crows collected for, heaven help us all, general consumption, reconstruction starts. Slowly, they begin to rebuild with new materials, for once actually working with carefulness and precision. However, their efforts are ruined when reinforcements rush in, fresh from the postal service jobs, and once again, loss of life takes center stage at Reikai. After a few unscheduled deaths/wakes/burials, the stage is looking like it's old self, shoddy design, tack booby traps, and all.

Keiko: (clapping hands together) Okay, are we moving on with the script? (waits for general agreement with a few dissenters) Okay, then, moving on!

Jin grins and quickly grabs Kuwabara, leaving everyone else in the upcoming scene rushing to their positions. The startled orange haired teen is quickly thrown into a large bathtub, suffering the same fate as Yusuke recently, much to the amusement of the number one juvenile delinquent. He comes up sputtering as Jin quickly grabs a pair of scissors with a look just bordering on diabolical.

Jin: Tonight is tha night!

Kuwabara: (choking) W-what do you mean?

Jin: (happily ignoring as runs preliminary tests on the scissors) Ya don't have time ta be timid. Ya must be bold, daring! These are rather sharp, aren't they?

Kuwabara: Bold, daring…(spots scissors) J-jin? What are you doing with those?

Jin: (off in his own little world) There will be music. Romantic candlelight, provided by tha track lighting on tha floor, and when tha time is right, ya confess your love. (spots several killing looks approaching and hastily changes the wording) I mean, like!

Kuwabara: (not looking reassured) Scissors, man, scissors. What are you doing with them?

Jin: (gesturing wildly with said device) Ya care for tha girl, don't ya? (pauses) Hang on, don't answer that. I don't tink me ears could handle it.

Kuwabara: (eyes glued to the metal prongs of torture) Jin…

Jin: (claps hands) Ah, well, `tis only one thing for it. A makeover!

He pushes the suddenly scared stiff Kuwabara under water only to drag him up once more seconds later. In only an instant, it's done, and the old Kuwabara is never to return. …well, okay, that's exaggeration, but it will be at least a month… Kuwabara stares at the wind master's hands before his fingers fly belatedly to his head.

Kuwabara: My hair!!!

Yusuke: ….bwahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! Ooo, man!! It's about time you got a cut!!

Kurama: (sweatdrop) I don't think a reverse Mohawk is exactly what Kuwabara would have gotten.

Jin: (happy) And hurrah! Ya look so…so…

Yusuke: (choking it out) S-stupid!

Jin: (snaps his fingers) Exactly! But…perhaps `twould be better to take a bit more off tha top?

Kuwabara: (distraught) Fix it now!!!

Jin: Ah, laddie, have some patience, will ya? (artistically poses, then snips a bit more with the implements of doom) Annnndddd…that should do ya!

Touya: (rolling his eyes) Ahem. The lady awaits.

Kuwabara: (shooting up) Yukina!

Koenma: Watch the carpets with that water!!

Keiko: …carpets?

Koenma: Well…the floor!

Genkai: Look, if a spirit wave couldn't take it out, water damage should not be bothering you.

Koenma: (ticked) Principle of the thing!

Botan: (rushing out in her percolator dress) Singing time! (an: for those of you who don't know what a percolator thing is (and that's totally okay) it's an old time coffee maker, before they got the cool ones that have warming trays and everything. My grandmother had a percolator. I'm just showing my age here.)

Yukina: (peeking from backstage) Can I come out now?

Touya: (shrugs) We're ready for you.

Yukina: (smiling) Okay.

And with that, the ice maiden steps out, revealing her dress, which was the one Keiko accidentally grabbed earlier, the pink multilayered masterpiece, which floats almost ethereally as Yukina moves along. Her turquoise hair is up in ribbons, and all in all, she's cutting a magnificent figure. Yusuke flashes her a thumbs up while Keiko and Botan just smile on. Kuwabara can be seen slightly drooling. Grinning a bit rakishly, Jin carefully taps Touya, who tips stiffly for a second before he can recover and regain his footing. With a goofy smile Kuwabara approaches the gently waiting Yukina as Botan decides it's finally time for her song, and by golly but she's going to enjoy it! Only a second's beat and she begins.

Botan: (singing happily) Tale as old as time. True as it can be. Barely even friends, then somebody bends unexpectedly.

Kuwabara: (loudly) Yukina and I were already friends!

Keiko: Oh, shush. This is the best song in the movie!

Yusuke: No it isn't. That's the mob song. This one just puts me to sleep.

Keiko: (a little ticked) Then just go to your cupboard then!

Yusuke: …(shrugs) What the heck. (walks off)

Botan: (carefully concentrating on her song and not the distractions) Just a little change, small to say the least. Both a little scared, neither one prepared, beauty and the beast.

Flyr: (starts and whispers something to Jin excitedly)

Botan: (smiling cheerfully) Doesn't this sound kind've like our relationship, Hiei?

Hiei: Hn. (waits a beat) I'm the good-looking one.

Botan: (still smiling) When I finish, I think it's going to be different. Black eyes really don't look that pretty, "beauty".

Hiei: (smirking) Are you trying to threaten me onna?

Botan: Why not? You give out free lessons all the time.

Kurama: (sighing) Children, continue.

Botan rolls her eyes but smiles as she begins singing once more. To the left, Kuwabara has paused and very carefully puts his arm around Yukina as he begins leading her in a dance. Luckily for him, Hiei has been momentarily distracted with his brief spat with the singer. However, two crucially important people have not been impaired, and they grin with anticipation as Botan chirps out the next verse.

Botan: (singing again) Ever just the same, ever a surprise, ever as before, ever just as sure as the sun will rise.

Yukina: (easily) You're a good dancer, Kazuma.

Shizuru: (rolling her eyes) Oh, please.

Botan: (voice soars as she hits the strong point in her song) Tale as old as time, tune as old as song. Bittersweet and strange, finding you can change, learning you were wrong.

Just as Kuwabara is about to burst with happiness (and I mean literally burst. Those pixie sticks don't work too well with good feelings, let me tell you.) the conspirators decide that it is time to break in. With a happy go lucky smile, Jin taps the young man on the shoulder while Flyr hastily runs off. Kuwabara turns, not looking too pleased at the interruption.

Kuwabara: Yeah?

Jin: Lad, I tink ya might be movin' a bit fast here. Has anyone ever given ya tha talk?

Kuwabara: (confused) Tha - I mean, the talk?

Jin: (nodding earnestly as he grabs the teens arms) Oh, certain, lad, ye've never gotten it? Oh, `tis a shame, a shame indeed. Tha talks tha most important thing a young man needs ta know before gallivantin' off with tha lassies. Otherwise ya can't do it properly!

Kuwabara: (eyes wide) Do what? Wait, what about Yukina!

Jin: (tugging him off) Ah, let tha other lads have a dance for a second, lad. This is more important! Ya need it to court tha lass well!

Kuwabara: Uh…

Botan: (still singing and shrugging at the confused Yukina) Certain as the sun rising in the east, tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme, beauty and the beast.

Flyr: (pushing Touya forward) Go on, it's your turn!

Touya: What?! (stumbles in front of Yukina) Ah, hello, Yukina. What are you doing, perchance?

Yukina: (tipping head slightly) Well, I'm supposed to be dancing. Do you want to dance, Touya?

Touya: WHAT?! (looks over to find Jin eagerly motioning from behind a very confused Kuwabara and Flyr making death threats if he doesn't do something with the ice maiden) I mean, um, sure, that'd be fine.

Yukina: (holds out arms) That's good, then!

The confused Touya decides not to look a gift horse in the mouth and quickly finishes off the set with Yukina. Keiko is shaking her head at the messed up results of one dance with a multiply-timed star-crossed koorime, but nevertheless has to smile back at the girl as she twirls past with the lost shinobi. Kuwabara, listening to Jin's mixed up version of the birds and the bees, involving some strange Makai plants and animals and very, ahem, interesting descriptions, is peacefully oblivious to the incident happening behind him, and Botan finishes up the song with a wry look at Hiei and Kurama, who are waiting boredly for their turn to come again, as it's at least better than such an extended period with so little lines.

Botan: (singing final couplet with gusto) Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme, beauty and the beast.

Yukina: Thanks for dancing with me, Touya, even when you had a different role. n.n

Touya: (blushing like crazy) My pleasure.

Botan: (frowning) Where's Yusuke? I'm supposed to send him off to bed.

Keiko: Actually, he already went by himself.

Botan: (stunned) W-what was that?!

Keiko: (nodding in agreement) I know, I was a little freaked out as well, but off he went. (points) He's already in his cardboard box, see?

The box in question is definitely occupied, as it is moving around and bouncing slightly on the floor. The cast pauses and looks over as a group as one rather girly squeal comes from the paper container. Eyebrows are up all around, except for Koenma, who is frowning as the box suspiciously displays his name on top. Almost as if it had come out of his room… But enough of conjectures! With trepidation, Keiko moves forward to the place where her boyfriend currently resides.

Keiko: (softly) Yusuke?

The box: (in a deep voice) Yo. I'm here to run off with grandma.

Genkai: (eyebrows almost nonexistent) What - is he doing in there?

The box: (now sporting a cranky voice) No, you can't do that, get back to the play! (grumbling) Idiots I surround myself with. Plus that Yusuke dude.

Koenma: Uh…

The box: (finally in Yusuke's voice) Oh, go shove it somewhere, ya toddler!

Koenma: …hey! I didn't even say anything!!

Kurama, sighing and being the only brave one, moves forward at a quick stride to flip the box top open. After staring wordlessly at a surprised Yusuke, the fox mouths an "oh my goodness" in disbelief then quickly tips the box. Out falls the said Yusuke, along with several other items that appear to be homemade.

Keiko: (very slowly) Yusuke, what were you doing in there?

Koenma: (suspicious) And why was I in there with you?! …(getting confused) I mean, I wasn't, but it kind've sounded like I was. But I wasn't, I was out here, and-

Shizuru: Put a sock in it!

Yusuke: Hey! I was having fun in there!

Hiei: (fingering items on the floor) …what are these?

Botan: (surprised) Sock puppets! And…they look like us!

She bends down to pick up a small one with what looks to be blue hair, but what's really just another sock stuck to the top, and stares at it with shock. Hiei has set about collecting the toys and comes up with one for almost every member of the cast. Looking at Yusuke with an opinion that he is clearly an idiot, the fire demon lays them out in a row as if for witness inspection and interrogation.

Keiko: You were playing…with sock puppets. (sighs) Yusuke.

Yusuke: What? You guys were boring! I had to liven it up a bit! See?

The Yusuke puppet, a larger one than the rest, is still on his hand. With happy concentration, the spirit detective looks down and begins mouthing along with what he says.

Sock Yusuke: Keh, I'm stuck in this boring Reikai world having to do plays for snotty toddlers, but hopefully this ones almost over. And I've got the whole gang to make fun of with me!

Sock Botan, Jin, and Rinku: (quickly acted out by Yusuke) Yeah, we're funny!

Sock Yusuke: But what I really hate are all the costumes we have to change into. So that's why, here in Sock World-

Kurama: (hands over eyes) He gives it a name.

Sock Yusuke: -there are no costumes! We're all nude because clothes don't matter to socks! And of course Sock World has a name. It's a way better name than Ningenkai, or Reikai.

Kurama: (disbelieving) It's built on the same principal, Yusuke.

Sock Yusuke: (stern) Sock Yusuke. Get it right, Kurama. At least Sock Kurama is smarter than you.

Sock Kurama: ("arms" poking out from side of sock) That's right, Sock Yusuke!

Sock Yusuke: See? He thinks I'm correct.

Kurama: …I can't watch any more of this. (turns away quickly)

Sock Yusuke: (yelling) Don't be a hater!

Flyr: (poking her sock puppet) Why are we all smaller than you?

Yusuke: Hm? Oh, that's because I ran out of socks. I only have two big ones, you know. But luckily, that box was full of small ones.

Koenma: (suddenly it hits him) My sock box!! Hey! I lost that a month ago! And you made sock puppets out of them!!!!

Yusuke: (shrugs) They said it was my cabinet. Anyway, the small ones make a good peanut gallery. See?

Sock Hiei: Hn. Baka.

Sock Kurama: I think everyone will be impressed with this after they think about it, Yusuke. Don't listen to Sock Hiei.

Yusuke: (frowning) You know, even in Sock World I couldn't fix your personality, Hiei. You're seriously twisted.

Hiei: (not phased) Hn.

Sock Yusuke: But the really great thing about Sock World is that there are always good endings! You just interrupted Sock Toguro eloping with Sock Genkai-

Genkai: (snorts) We already tried that years ago. His freaky brother found us about three miles out.

Sock Yusuke: Uh…well, whatever, but here we've tried to make everybody happy! Sock Kurama can act stupid and nobody criticizes him, Sock Flyr gets to beat up all her friends, Sock Hiei can run off and make out with Sock Botan whenever he wants, and there are two Sock Yukinas! One for Sock Kuwabara and one for Sock Touya! That way, no fights. Of course, everybody just joins in for a brawl about every thirty minutes or so, cause it helps to pass the time.

Everyone: O.O

Keiko: (just a little bit frightened) W-where am I Yu- uh, Sock Yusuke?

Sock Yusuke: That's the best part!

With concentration, Yusuke shuffles around inside his outfit and finally comes out with another sock from a pocket, this one just as big and obviously the matching pair to his own sock counterpart. He grins widely as Sock Keiko turns herself around so that the real Keiko can get a better view.

Sock Keiko: Here I am! See, Yusuke made me second, so I get to be as big as him. We hang out with the rest of the gang, and even though I can get really annoying sometimes, I've secretly promised to (whispers real low) marry Sock Yusuke. (back to normal) Cause of course we have good endings here. But the thing is, we don't have any costumes, so that means no-

Keiko: (decides she's heard enough) Yusuke!! You've been acting me out?!!

Botan: (looking at the limp Sock Botan lying in her hands) I think he's been acting us all out, dear.

Keiko: B-but in that way?!!!! (suddenly, a rage filled aura dominates the area) Playtime's over, Yusuke, you pervert, put the socks away!!

Yusuke: (yelling back) What?! Hey, I'm just giving us a happy ending!!

Kurama: (quietly) I don't think she wants happy in that way, Yusuke.

Keiko: (just as loud) Who says I wasn't going to do that too?!! (stops and suddenly clamps her hands down over her mouth) Uh…

Everyone: O.O (impossibly even more stunned at the abrupt announcement)

Yusuke: …(softly) Keiko?

Keiko: Um, y-yes, Yusuke?

Yusuke: (grinning happily) I'll go put the socks away now, okay?

Keiko: (turning quickly with a blush) Ye-yeah, go ahead.

Botan: (smiling) At least that's resolved now.

Hiei: (eyebrow up) You call that resolved?!