Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ White Lie, Black Lie ❯ Living a Lie ( One-Shot )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

White Lie, Black Lie

disclaimer: I dun own nothing. Also, the line "Which is better....A lie that draws a smile, or da truth that draws a tear?" Is by my good friend, Tomoko. Her pen is HanaHime.

claimer: I own da song cause I MADE IT! TOUCH AND YOU DIE!

yes... I am STILL on an angst roll... got a problem with it? deal

NOTE: can be read as a CYOA in first person format. (shrug) If you want.

YOU=KURAMA, I= READER (if read in CYOA style) OR OC/AUTHOR/PERSON! ><

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/White lie, black lie/


I thought you loved me. Was everything you ever said a lie? Was everything we ever had a lie? Was everything a lie?

I trusted you. I put all my trust in you. And you just abused it. Is nothing sacred to you? Nothing at all?

/White turns black,

but black can't be turned back./

I smelled her scent on you that day in the park. When I asked you, you said it was a friend who needed a hug.

I guess it's a half-truth: your girlFRIEND needed a hug.

I should've known. Known that it was a lie.

And I did know.

But I also trusted you. But now I know... it was misplaced trust the whole time.

/A single lie builds up,

and soon becomes a thousand.

So many your heart is buried,

So many you feel no guilt anymore./

Did you think I was that stupid?

....You must've. Why else would you do this?

But you know how stupid YOU were? You didn't bother to erase all the clues. Perhaps you could've fooled me a bit longer had you not left her number in your cell phone, or maybe had her picture on your computer.

I wasn't snooping. You left all those things out for me to see. You -handed- me your cell phone that day. You -opened- your pictures on your computer and -asked- me to go through the pictures we took on our day to the beach.

All seem so insignificant now, doesn't it?

But guess what.

I'm smarter than you, or anyone else, thought.

You all thought I was just some dense fool, is that it? Is that why you thought I wouldn't notice how you always dodged those glances I shot you when you had to break another date with me? You think my demon senses have dulled so much that I cannot smell your guilt--or the guilt you once had--or hear the words you mutter when you trail off?

You think I cannot sense a lie?

/I'm not stupid,

I can see through your every lie.

I just ignored it.

Why?

Because I trusted you./

Can you see these tears, Kurama? I'm crying them. Never thought I'd cry, is that it? No, neither did I. Told myself I never would. Guess what? I lied to myself, just like you lied to me those thousands of times.

Even as I'm running in this rain, I still can't believe you did this to me. Didn't you say you loved me, and only me? What was that mark in my neck about? Was it just another one of your lies?

I'm soaked. Maybe I'll get hypothermia and die out here, alone.

Not that you'd care, now would you?

/Do you care any more?

Would you care if I got hurt ?

Would you care if I got lost?

Would you care if I died....right here, right now?/

The rain is cool against my face. No one's outside, there's no one to watch me die. The knife in my hands is cool. The rain pours off it's brilliant metal, gleaming metal.

This knife would be my savior.

I would take my life with it.

But first.....

/Lies were the only things you told me.

White lies, black lies.

Sweet lies, bitter lies.

Was everything I've ever known a lie?

Tell me,

Because after what you did,

I don't know what is truth,

And what is false.../

I bring the knife slowly to my neck.... I would cut out that "Mark of Love." No, scratch that. Make it the "Mark of Lies."

I close my eyes. I know where your mark is, I don't need a mirror. You have no idea how many times my fingers have traced it with remorse.

Strange how I used to trace it with joy, isn't it?

I bring the knife down. It pierces my skin, and I feel nothing. Why should I? I'm just getting rid of a lie, aren't I? A stupid lie. The lie known as your "love." I wonder.... Is this how you love your friends? Your mother? Your new lover? Is that how you show your love? You LIE?

A cynical laugh escapes my lips. I'm done cutting out your mark. Blood pours down my neck. It's so warm, contrary to the rain.

I'm happy now. Did you know that? Your mark is gone. I'm free. I can die now. I can die without remorse.

Or so I think. The only thing I can't stand is that no matter how much I hated you, no matter how many times you've lied to me....I still love you. Why do you think I kept forgiving you each time another lie left your lips? Why do you think I never hurt you? Why do you think the only thing I've ever thrown at you was another hurt look?

I've never cracked until tonight.

/Your love is my despair,

Yet at the same time,

I can't live without this "despair"

I don't know what kind of spell you have over my heart,

But all I know is that I hate you

and yet I love you..../

Which is better? A lie that brings a smile, or a truth that brings a tear? (TNM: thanks, Tomoko-chan!)

I used to think it was a lie that brought a smile. That's why I believed you each time you told me you loved me.

But now I know. The longer a lie is told, the more devastating it is when the truth comes out.

What did I see........ The tears that were just about to fade come back again, like a waterfall.

There she was, in your lap. Her lips were touching yours, not gently, but.... VERY intimately.

I wondered if we had ever kissed that intimately.

But what got me most was that you were enjoying it.

/You fed me nothing but lies,

I told you nothing but truths.

Something was bound to happen,

And it was your lies that tore us apart./

You sensed me. That other woman wasn't a demon. I could tell. I was too shocked to hide my presence. And you sensed it. You came out. Silence.

"........." That was all you said. Tears formed behind my eyes.

"Kurama........" The rain fell. You said my name. I took a step backwards. No....it couldn't be happening.

"I don't love you anymore." That's when my world came crashing down on me. I shook my head, eyes wide. This was a lie, it had to be.

Just like the rest of them.

That was the only time I had ever wished one of your lies was truly a lie.

And then I ran. So that's how I got here. I look sadistically down at the blade. Crimson liquid dripped off, mixed with the rain, and was gone. Another cynical laugh is heard by nothing but the rain. I'm laughing, yet there is no smile on my face. Too bad you're not here to see this, Kurama. You would've died of shock. Never thought THIS happy-go-lucky girl would EVER laugh so darkly....But that just shows how much you know me. Everyone but you seems to have noticed I've begun wearing only black. Everyone but you seems to have noticed that my arms are always bandaged. Everyone but you seems to have noticed that I reek of blood and salt. The "salt" is my tears.... The blood and bandages are just the signs of me cutting myself.

But like I said....You didn't notice.

Too caught up with.....her.

I close my eyes. I can't die yet. I need...what do I need? I glanced at the knife in my hands. My answer.

They always said "Give yourself physical pain to erase the mental one." It had been true so far; look at the cuts that decorate my arms. I shut my eyes, and bring the blade up. The coolness of the metal seems like death itself. Yes....Death did seem inviting, didn't it?

/Your lies built up,

And now I'm going to die because of them.

I don't know if my whole life was a lie,

All I know is that I don't care any more./

I bring the blade oh-so-slowly down my forehead...past my left eyebrows....past my closed eyelid...to my cheek. I open my left eye with great pain. I frown. It wasn't working. I still felt that pain in my heart you had caused....I look up at the grey clouds in the dark sky. What time was it? What did it matter?

All I knew was that it was time....

The blade comes slowly up again. It hovers over my chest. Red is blocking my left eye, and my tears mix with the blood... Ah, such a perfectly dark scene, isn't it? I close my eyes. One last, dark smile graces my lips. And then I plunge it deep into my breast.

My own blood pumps out onto my hands. Strange. When did the sky begin to get light?

/You lied to me so many times...

But I love you,

And even now, in death...

I forgive you.../

I smile; this time, it's a true smile. How could I have possibly hated you? I feel so warm...But the sky was turning black...

"I love you....Kurama. Even if the time you told me you loved me was just a lie..." I wince. "I will love you forever....Kurama........." With that, my eyes closed, and I let the darkness consume my soul...

/White lie, black lie.

White lies turn black,

But black can't be turned back...

White lie.....

Black lie....

Your lie...

My lie.../


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Spessho thanks to: HanaHime for the quote, and a friend (that's how she wants to be known as. Hanahime's my buddy too!) for beta reading. The friend beta read since my normal ones weren't here... x..x;


REVIEW!!!!!! I'm sorry, I'm not the greatest angst writer in the world. But review anyways!!