Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Why You Should Not Stereotype ❯ The Grandly Crappy Finale! ( Chapter 3 )

Yusuke yawned, as Kuwabara poured him another cup of coffee. Shizuru was forcing her brother to play host, and it was really beginning to amuse Yusuke.

Hiei, on the other hand, was far past amused, and beginning to enjoy himself.

`Shock horror," Yusuke thought, smirking.

"Fry me another egg," the little fire demon demanded, trying not to grin like an idiot. This was actually, dare he say it, fun. Even better than mocking those stupid preteen girls parading around as novelists.

"I'll fry your ass in a minute," Kuwabara snapped. "Better yet, I think I'll just crack it on your head and let you fry it yourself."

"You would not DARE."

"Oh, I dare. Isn't egg good for dry, damaged hair, Kurama?"

"Leave me out of this," the redhead answered, distracted. He was attempting to read the paper and butter his pancakes at the same time.

Botan examined the ends of her ponytail. "Is it really?" she asked. "I can't get rid of these split ends."

Keiko frowned at her. "I didn't know spirits got split ends."

Shizuru set a plate of bacon before the two girls. "Try Pantene Pro-V, sweetheart. That'll do the trick."

Kuwabara cracked the egg over Hiei's head.

Hiei attempted to crack Kuwabara's head.

Shizuru socked them both in the gut.

---

One hour and two frantic healing sessions courtesy of Botan and Yukina, the group gathered in the living room to finish that damned parody fic.

Yusuke sat himself at the computer, and cracked his knuckles experimentally. "All right, ladies and gents… and Hiei, Kurama and Kuwabara."

"Go screw yourself."

"This is the beginning of the end," he said, ignoring Hiei's rude comment. "Now is the time to resolve all this crazy crap, and our only chance to stick in any last stereotypes. It's my turn, but I'll take requests."

"Here's my request," Genkai began. "Shut up and write, so I can try to kill all these annoying Heartless."

"Getting into RPGs?"

"Yeah. Those fighting games are way too easy."

Genkai surveyed the Reikai Tantei critically. Reikai is the spirit world, and Tantei are detectives, isn't that cool? I bet you didn't know that.

"Are we clear on the Clever Plan?"

"Yessss."

"Then go!"

Before leaving, Kurama took Cyoa aside, and pulled her to him, kissing her gently.

"Hey, Kurama, man, can I take a few more jabs at ya?"

"Fine."

"I love you," he whispered, in his husky alto voice. Do you know what alto means? Me neither, but that's how everyone describes his voice, so it must fit!!

"What does alto mean?" Yusuke asked.

"It's a low singing voice for a woman," Kurama explained. "My voice in Japanese is done by a woman, and she makes a real effort to speak low for it, so that's where it comes from I guess. Never mind most of them have only heard my English voice, which is something of a baritone, I think. I believe a baritone is in between a tenor and a bass."

"What are those?"

"Tenor is high for a man, bass is low for a man," Hiei answered. "In English, I'm a tenor. In Japanese, I'm a bass. Both of your voices, Yusuke, sound somewhere in the middle. Kuwabara's English voice is pretty bass, but sometimes it's too gravely to tell."

"My Japanese voice can hit a soprano on a good day, though," the human pointed out. "That is high for a woman, high for anyone."

Cyoa cuddled against him, as they delved into a make out session worthy of a cheesy paperback romance. Insert lots of repetitive metaphors for tongues battling and lips locking here. I've never actually made out with anyone except my picture of Tom Felton, so I'm just stealing metaphors I've seen in other fics.

If you want the lemon version, go to my site!!!!!!!

"Yusuke! You had better delete that right now, or you'll be dead faster than you can say `fertilizer!'"

Kuwabara then stupidly walked in on them and began making moves on Cyoa, because he is Stupid and Girl Crazy.

"Urameshi! You had better delete that right now, or you'll be dead faster than you can say `on guard!"

But since Yukina now suddenly loves Kuwabara, Hiei came in and killed him!!!

"Yusuke!"

"What??"

"…Keep going."

"You damned pipsqueak!"

After Kuwabara died, and was mysteriously resurrected, the Reikai Tantei continued to the area of the Youko Thief's last heist. Kurama was very concerned for his new lover's health, and showed it, by acting like Kuwabara and reciting lots of poetry and lovely things and giving her roses and things.

Cyoa spent most of the walk conveniently cuddled against him breathing in his scent of roses. Because he, um, smells like roses. Despite the fact that Kurama probably has to shave, being 15+, and so use aftershave. And deodorant. Roses are just Kurama's Thing, and therefore he smells like them, looks like them and um, generally, IS them.

After an undisclosed period of walking, the gang was overrun by Many Weak Demons! Many of them!!!!

"Yusuke, Kuwabara, Hiei! Defeat these Many Weak Demons, and therefore, Waste Time!" Kurama ordered. "We'll go further!"

"Rei-gun!"

"Rei-ken!"

Many Weak Demons Died Quickly.

"Oh no, there are more," Hiei deadpanned. "I must use my Most Ultimate Secret Technique, which I can only use in Extreme Emergencies, and so far have Only Used Twice, the Jaou Ensatsu Kokuryuuha!"

Hiei sexily unwrapped the sexy bandages from his sexy arms…

"You know," Shizuru began, "maybe those shounen ai fans are onto something. I mean, with all the times these boys have called each other sexy…"

…and yelled with all his might, "JAOU ENSATSU KOKURYUUHA!" He conveniently forgot that when summoning the dragon, and only the dragon, he didn't usually add the `Jaou.' When using the Jaou Ensatsu Ken or Jaou Ensatsu Rengoku Sho, he said Jaou, but not for the kokuryuuha.

EVERYTHING CONVENIENLY DIES.

"Ain't that the truth."

Except the Mysterious Youko Thief, who was Kurama's former lover! That dog! Um, fox, thingy.

"Hurry, fox," Hiei called, despite the fact that, by all rights, after using the Kokuryuuha, he should be on the ground, fast asleep.

"Whoops, almost forgot that one."

"You must defeat her!" Everyone yelled, as they were conveniently weakened from the Many Weak Demons. It was Kurama's time to shine, and outwit them all.

"I repeat: Ain't that the truth."

Kurama's eyes glowed yellow, because he was showing his much sexier inner youko!!

"Again with the boys calling each other sexy…"

"Fine," Yusuke said. "You wanna do it, Shizuru?"

"Please," Yukina murmured. "May I?"

"Sure."

Kurama glared ferociously at his ferocious rival.

"Um, is it possible that ferocious is the biggest word a common fanfiction writer would know?" Yukina asked.

Shizuru nodded. "Oh yes. Very, very possible. Not counting Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious."

"I will not forgive you," he declared valiantly, in his very pleasant tenor voice. Or is it bass? I forgot, was I pretending to have seen the Japanese version again?

Oh well. You know what his voice sounds like, don't you?!! You must or OMG you are SO not a YYH fan!

Kurama began to change into Youko. Youko is who he was before he became human. Or actually youko is his species, not his name. Just like Jaganshi (Evil Eye Master) is Hiei's title, not his name. But I didn't know that. Now you do.

The Mysterious Youko Thief quivered in terror as Kurama's hair lengthened and turned silver. Everyone conveniently forgot that Kurama always changes behind a veil of smoke and youki so that we never see it.

Everyone also conveniently forgot that Kurama either needs a special drug or extreme emotional distress to become Youko. Like Yusuke dying.

Youko Kurama, the sexiest character on the show, stood before the Mysterious Youko Thief.

He pulled a seed out of his hair. "This is a Random Plant," he explained. "It does a Deadly Thing. I am now going to grow this plant, and then stand here as it Kills You."

And that's exactly what he did.

FLASH FORWARD!!!

KURAMA and CYOA live HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

HIEI and YUKINA learn THE TRUTH.

SHIZURU, ATSUKO, and KEIKO do not EXIST.

YUSUKE… um… FIGHTS.

"Yeah, have you noticed I'm not even stereotyped?"

BOTAN is HAPPY.

JORGE is ANNOYING.

KOENMA is BOSSY.

KAZUMA is LOVESICK.

"Yukina, you're too nice."

"Shut up, Sister."

AND THE WORLD WAS SAFE.

"Man, that sucked," Yusuke said.

"Wasn't that the whole point?"