Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Winter's end ❯ Sore reality ( Chapter 18 )

Good grief does college keep you busy. >.> So busy in fact I don't realize the weeks and months fly by with me not touching this!!! And then when I attempt, it's always the 'I don't feel like writing this right now' feeling. Until! That miraculous one evening when I was up till 2, and I got random inspiration. Hooray! And then it sat.. and sat... and sat... until I got a review a couple weeks ago (or was it last month?). I'll try finishing it this summer, before I take off for Japan! (I'm studying abroad until December =D)

 

Disclaimer: As usual, need I repeat myself? I own the plot and OCs. I'm not remotely rich enough to own Yu Yu Hakusho.

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Chapter 18: Sore reality

 

The breeze picked up and blew some leaves along the ground, dust spiraling along with them. The branches themselves swayed in the tender wind, enjoying the movement from their otherwise still and dull life. The sun, on the other hand, decided it had worked hard enough for a day and started retiring West, taking the bright light with it.

 

As children and their parents left the park, Shuichi and Ray swung ever so slightly on the unoccupied rubber swings, their toes dragging in the sand below their feet. There were no words spoken, but the tension between the two could be felt in a wide perimeter.

 

One word seemed to echo back and forth between them with each half-hearted swing. Pregnant... she'd said. I'm pregnant. she'd told him seriously, staring at his face to witness his reaction. And certainly, it wasn't one that Ray was anticipating at all, and it angered her. How could he ask her if she intended to keep the baby? And if she did, what would she do concerning her parents and her school life?

 

Those questions, although Shuichi meant well and proved his level of concern for her, seemed to drive her over the edge. And after glaring at him as if disgusted by his lack of overbearing joy, they fell into a silent trance, not even glancing at each other as they swung slowly, each to his own rhythm. Of course she knew that she was being whimsical, but, that happened to pregnant women, did it not? And by the tone of his voice when he asked those questions, Ray could almost detect his objections to her unwavering decision.

 

Ray argued that he only asked out of concern for himself and his reputation as top and model student, and that he hinted well enough that he didn't want such an abrupt surprise in his perfect life. Kurama retorted that she was wrong and only interpreted his concern this way because her motherly instincts dictated that she did so. So what? It only proved she was looking out for herself and her baby, did it not?

 

A distant rumble disturbed their silence. It wasn't one of their stomachs, it was the dark looking clouds lurking above their murky thoughts. Shuichi sighed and dug his heels in the sand to stop his swinging. “Ray...” he called her name, turning his head to watch her. She didn't stop. “You've always been more than honest with me,” he started, extending a hand to grab the metal chain and slow her swinging, “and I think it's time for me to be honest with you as well.”

 

At that, Ray stopped short, eyes staring at her feet. What did he mean? Would he explain his cold demeanor towards the baby? Or... that they weren't actually going out and that he'd refuse to acknowledge he was the father? Slowly, her gray eyes made their way to his painfully beautiful and sad looking face. “W-what about?” she inquired.

 

Shuichi sighed, as she expected. “... There's a lot I have to explain...” he began, shifting his green eyes to her gentle face. And in about twenty minutes, he did just that. All that Ray retained and could slowly process was that he wasn't human. He was old - way older than her! - and had some kind of spiritual powers? Flashes of the Mount Fuji trip resurfaced, some blurrier than others. She stared at him once he'd fallen silent, mouth barely open, as if gauging the truth of his statement.

 

“... Do you really expect me to believe that?” Shuichi's head jerked back slightly at her somewhat harsh tone. “If you don't want responsibility you could just say so! Don't make up some lies about some-- old fox demon and a world that doesn't exist!” she shouted, standing up quite abruptly.

 

Shuichi stood up with her, eyes softened, and a saddened expression on his face. “Ray, can you pleas--”

 

“NO!” she interrupted, eyes shining with forming tears, “All this time! ... All this time I was being an idiot! You lied to me, Shuichi!” She stared at him, deeply hurt, her face showing revulsion. “All this time-- I thought you meant everything you said and did, that you genuinely loved me!” One of her hands flew up to her chest to clutch her shirt. “I was just being a fool! How many others did you coerce? Three? Five? How many illegitimate children do you have!?”

 

Shuichi didn't know what to say, it was like a part of his brain didn't want to comprehend what she was accusing him of. “I've nev--”

 

“Don't lie to me!” she shrieked, now crying uncontrollably. “I knew I should never have trusted you! Ever since Yukio got interested, you wanted to best him, is that it? I was just some-- some object up for grabs? Well you know what? I have feelings too! And I don't like being played! Least of all by some-- liar, perfect mama's boy!” She paused in between her stammering to take a few raging breaths.

 

“Ray, if you'd just liste--” he tried again.

 

“I don't want to listen to any more of your lies! I thought you'd be happy about this baby, that-- that you'd make a great father! I was even ready to confront my family and stay behind for you!” Shuichi's gaze went from confused and soothing to confused and inquiring.

 

“... What do you mean, 'stay behind'?” he asked, brows furrowed.

 

Ray stared at him, sniffing lightly while wiping her tears away with one hand. “I'm moving tomorrow.” she finally told him, voice rasp from her screaming. If she hadn't been so engrossed in staring at his feet while clearing her vision, she would've noticed the appalled, heart wrenching look that formed on his strikingly beautiful face.

 

“W-what? I don't understand... Why-- why are you moving? Are you unhappy here?” he asked, nearly dumbfounded. Ray sniffed one last time but kept her stare on his hands, determined not to look at his treacherous face.

 

“My dad found a new job. I thought I didn't have a choice. But now I made up my mind.” she lifted her head, eyes glaring into Shuichi's caring gaze. “I'd rather raise a kid without a father than one who lies and tampers with people's memories!”

 

Shuichi lifted a hand to try and grab her wrist, but she jerked it back abruptly. “Don't you dare!” she threatened, venom in her voice.

 

“Ray, I didn't have a choice-- you're not supposed to know, it's for your own good!” he tried to convince her of the evident truth. Nothing to be done, she simply wouldn't listen.

 

“How can you say that?” she looked painfully hurt again. “For my own good? Who decided that!?”

 

“Trust me, it would be better if you didn't know.” he insisted, voice pained.

 

“Trust you?” she scoffed, “How can I do that? You tampered with my memories!” He opened his mouth to retort but she didn't want to hear anything anymore. A loud slap echoed between them. “Good bye!” she yelled, hand pricking slightly as she ran out of the park. She ran as fast as she could, heart throbbing with each step, tears streaming down her cheeks. The weather that had been growling during the argument seemed synchronized with her feelings and poured down a large amount of heavy rain.

 

Kurama stood still in between the two squeaking swings, alone, in the never ending rain. The water dripped down his bangs, into his covered eyes and down his stinging cheek. He clenched his jaw, the bitter taste of reality seeping into his every pore. She was right, he had lied to her, but for her protection. Now that she knew—she was in danger. He couldn't follow her, he didn't have the heart to see her run away from him again. Yet the part that hurt the most, was that he cared as much as her about their unborn child.

 

If he didn't have to worry about higher ranked demons targeting her to get to him, he would be at her door, trying to talk sense into her. But he couldn't. He couldn't do anything more to protect her. Now that she knew, her memories might come back if she tried too hard to recall details. Koenma certainly wouldn't be pleased with this outcome, but Kurama was at least confident she hadn't really believed him, so there would be no risk of her blabbering. That and—he really didn't see to whom she would blabber.

 

It seemed hours later that his legs started working, yet instead of walking home, he walked away from town, deep into the forest. Going home meant confronting reality, and possibly run into Ray as her and her family moved out. His cheek still stung, no, he wasn't ready, and neither was Ray. How his limbs managed to get him at the forest's entrance, he wasn't sure, but by the time he walked through the first line of trees he was soaked to the bones. And he didn't care. Might as well get sick, even that couldn't make him forget how painfully his heart throbbed.

 

Ray took a sharp left turn, earning a “Hey!” from an offended business man. She didn't seem to hear him, nor did she care. With each heartbeat, she was reminded of the pain she was going to live with for the rest of her life, while watching her child grow up fatherless. That thought alone made her stop her frantic running. Her left hand shot out from her side to a nearby wall and held her up. That didn't last long. Too soon, the sobs shaking her body bent her in half.

 

Why was love so complicated? Just when she thought she was happy, everything vanished. With hair stuck to her cold face and salty tears mixed with pouring rain, Ray stood straight up and gulped in fresh air. Sniffing once, she user her dripping sleeve to wipe her nose, and her palm to clear her eyes. She had a home to go to, a waiting family... Her other hand carefully touched her lower stomach. A growing family to take care of.

 

She had no time to worry about the past, or what could have been. She had to focus on what she was left with, what the present and near future had in store for her. Decidedly, Ray walked home with her held high, and her steps resolute. Though there was nothing she could do to stop the torrent of tears her eyes seemed to dictate as appropriate.

 

This Friday night was indeed the dreariest Friday night Ray had ever lived. The weather perfectly reflected her state of mind and heart. Gloomy, dark, sad and ferocious. She would live through this ordeal, even if she had to force herself to smile and lie.

 

~~*Two weeks later*~~
Living by the sea was indeed refreshing, at least before the wind stuck salty water in your hair while shoving said hair in your face. The view was marvelous, the new apartment more spacious and the locals were pleasant people. Yet even after unpacking the last box, Ray didn't feel a sense of belonging. Of course, most people will say that a move requires a longer period of adaption and that all she needed was to make new friends to feel right at home. Yet somehow... Ray had a feeling that wasn't about to happen for her.

"Ray, dinner." called her mom from the kitchen before placing rice on the table. Ray sighed quietly, snapped her laptop shut and put on a slight smile. Her headache was back, the pain in her back was killing her, and she was extremely tired and irritable. Although she knew now that she was pregnant and recognized her food cravings as one of the many symptoms, knowledge didn't erase symptoms. "Have you gained weight?" asked her mother, glancing at her daughter sitting down. "Looks like your shirts don't really fit you anymore."

 

"Maybe a bit..." replied Ray in a mumble. Her step dad closed the office door behind him as he walked towards the table.

 

"Perhaps you should stop eating so much then." he cut in the conversation, having heard that last bit.

 

Keeping her eyes fixed on her plate, Ray heard herself mumble "I don't think that'll do much."

 

Her dad, not fond of snarky replies, shot her an inquisitive cold glance. "And why would that be?"

 

Ray just shrugged, wanting to avoid an argument and revealing her secret. Though with the way her stomach was expanding-- that could soon prove to be a challenge. The cat would be out of the bag much quicker than she'd like.

 

Her mother, now intrigued, sat at the table after setting down the last dish. "Oh come now, she may have put on a few pounds but she still looks fine to me. Don't exaggerate darling." she smiled, trying to ease the tension while starting to serve the food.

 

They ate dinner quietly, with a few banal phrases to avoid the awkward and tense silence. "How's school Ray? Did you make a lot of new friends?" inquired her mother with a nervous smile.

Ray just shrugged and finished eating without a word. "Not really." she replied before adding "Not like you care anyway..." under her breath.

 

"And just what is that supposed to mean?" barked her step father.

 

“Nothing. Even though you said life here would be better for all of us, it's only better for you. You don't even seem to care about mom that much!” Yeah, she would have loved to say what was going through her mind, but she couldn't say that. So instead, she smiled slightly, “Nothing, really. It just... takes a while to know people.” There, just like the perfect daughter he pretends to have.

 

Her stepfather gave a short smile, “Isn't that the truth.” he chuckled and ate contently. Ray's smile faltered once his mood didn't put the atmosphere in danger any longer. Her mother noticed but said nothing, some things were better left untouched, at least until later, when her second husband would be snoring the night away.

 

The rest of the evening proved uneventful since Ray decided to behave herself and pretend that everything was sunshine and blooming flowers. In truth, outside of the house, her face wore a blank expression, and she thought she always looked bland. She'd have to buy new clothes soon, the ones she currently owned were starting to get stretched to their limit.

 

After brushing her teeth thoroughly and a nice warm yet refreshing shower, Ray slipped on her pajamas. They were so comfortable she never wanted to take them off in the morning. She sat in the middle of her bed and just stared down at her stomach. It was difficult to grasp that another life was blossoming within her. Closing her eyes, she put her hands on her belly and tried to feel any movements. All the while waiting to feel anything coming from within her, her mind couldn't help but wander back to that dreadful Friday. Her hand still stung from slapping Shuichi...

 

A knock on the door jolted her from her thoughts and she yanked her hands off her stomach just as her mother opened the door. Her mother simply smiled and closed the door behind her and sat on the edge of the bed, looking incredibly serene. “What is it?” softly asked Ray , actually intrigued.

 

Two arms embraced her shoulders and Ray realized her mom's chin was tucked over one of them. “Oh honey, why didn't you tell me?” she whispered. Ray could almost feel the hurt in her mother's voice, but she also seemed to notice some happiness.

 

“T-tell you what?”

 

Her mother receded from the hug and looked at her daughter with a knowing smile. “About the pregnancy, Ray.” Ray's face must have done something, something not terribly noticeable to herself, because her mother only smiled with a short chuckle.

 

“How did you--?”

 

“Honey, I'm a mother. It's my duty to know and notice everything about my child.” replied her mother with a wide smile. “How far along are you? Barely three months?”

 

Ray nodded, “Two weeks shy of three months.” she replied, still amazed that her mother could tell. “No really, how did you notice?”

 

“I've been pregnant Ray, I should be able to recognize a pregnant woman when I see one. Your mood has been all over the place, and you never used to snack so much.” she chuckled. Ray finally smiled and coughed up a short laugh. They talked about trivial things for a short while before a complacent silence filled the room. “So who is the father?”

 

Ah, the most important question had finally been shot forward. Ray exhaled a slow sigh and glanced at the sole window in her room. Her mother noticed her daughter's eyes: full of pain and sadness. “Is it a sore topic?” she inquired softly, one hand rubbing Ray's shoulder comfortingly.

 

A tiny nod answered her. When Ray looked back at her mother's face, her eyes shined more than usual. “What would you do... if dad had lied to you?” (1) she whispered, a hand wiping away the threatening tears.

 

Her mother seemed to think that question over very carefully. “How would I have found out?”

 

“He would have told you...”

 

Another pause. “Would he have justified his lie?”

 

A short scoff. “To protect you.”

 

Her mother smiled, “I would have listened, very carefully.”

 

Ray's gray eyes shot up to her mother's peaceful face and stared. “Why? Wouldn't you... be mad?”

 

“I suppose I would have a reason to be mad, but he's the man I loved and decided to trust. If his lie was for my protection, I would have trusted his judgment.” calmly replied her mother. “Of course, in the spur of the moment I probably would have threatened to divorce him.” she added with a smile.

 

Ray giggled briefly and took a deep breath before sighing half of it out. “... I might have to do some groveling...” she mumbled childishly.

 

Her mother laughed and hugged her daughter again. “Call him tomorrow morning.” she advised as she stood up. “And do ask how his mother is doing, she looked so sad when we left.” she smiled.

 

“... How come you know everything?” half sighed Ray with a smile plastered on her face. Her mother winked as she opened the door.

 

“Don't worry about the trivial things. I'll talk to your father in the morning. Good night.” she smiled again.

 

“Talk about what?” asked a somewhat confused Ray.

 

Her mother paused by the door, “I'll tell him the truth... But don't worry, I won't let him do anything. Good night.”

 

The door shut with a quiet 'click.' Tomorrow... Would she really be able to call him? Talk to him without faltering? Would her heart finally stop aching if she dared pick up the phone in the morning?

 

Tomorrow couldn't come soon enough.

 

(1) Sorry if this is confusing, but “dad” is meant for her real father, not her stepfather, hence why the following conversation is filled with the conditional (“would have”).

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After much pondering and randomizing, I talked with Ray (my friend, not the OC :P), and decided to end this story on the 21st chapter. That's right, there's only two more chapters and an epilogue left!

Why you ask? Because... I was supposed to be done with this story last (last) year (so, at least two years ago) for Ray's birthday... >.> And of course, life and college got in the way. So now that we turned 20 and I feel I could plausibly try to finish this over the summer, I think it'd be quite ironic to end on our age.

 

There, you have it. I really want to thank all you reviewers who stuck it out and waited very very patiently (mostly :P) for my updates (which were/still are devastatingly slow). I really really really appreciate your patience and comments!!

 

Poke-Poke: I'm SO sorry it took-- almost a year!? Inconceivable!!! ... I hope the wait was half worth it? >.< Thanks for reviewing!

 

KyutiHuni: ^^;; Now I updated... a few-- months after your review *cough*! But... but... yes... Hopefully it was worth it! Thanks for reviewing! XD

 

hyper-colourful-soul: ^-^ Glad you like it!! Answers... don't we all want answers. Hehe, you'll have to wait a bit longer I'm afraid. But fear not, next chapter shall answer some of those. ;) Thanks for reviewing!

 

redmuse: Thank you! ^-^ Hope you liked the update ;) Thanks for reviewing!

 

Jade_Fox: Mmm, yes! I'm trying to finish it... hopefully before the end of August, if writer's block doesn't strike again. ^^;; Thanks for reviewing!

 

jo: Well... there you have it. Haha ^^;; More to follow ;) Thanks for reviewing!

 

Trappersgirl: o.o Wow that was FAST! Haha. The teeth was actually last year ^^;; Should've scratched that out... But I did go to AX again ;) It was fun! (I staffed too!) Like I said, the reviews for the last chapter didn't send so... I'll go look at your story now (is there only one?). Thanks for reviewing ^^

 

Zircrubyon: Haha, yes cliffhangers are evil (I hate them in other stories as well) but what can I say? It leaves readers hanging ^^;; Haha... o.o Um, how long ago? You'll have to give me hints for me to remember... And thanks for reviewing ^^