Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Worthless ❯ Worthless ( One-Shot )

Disclaimer: I own nothing Yuu Yuu Hakusho related except for about seven tapes of English dubs, four DVDs, and one wall scroll. I own nothing Dido related except for two CDs.

Summary:

Focus: Hiei, Kurama

POV: Hiei

Pairings: Optional Hiei/Kurama [of sorts... you'll see]

Baseline Plot: Hiei has discovered that Kurama is in love with him [probably Youko, but it really doesn't matter]. He is explaining why he can't love Kurama in return.

...Sort of...

I know what you came for

And I know when you'll leave

You came for my heart

And it's lost to me

* * * * *

You told me something once, I remember. It was a long time ago - well, maybe it was, maybe it was just yesterday. Time means nothing to me; time means nothing to creatures like us. We'll live so long, it won't matter any more. Being alive... it can't be important forever. Life doesn't work that way.

But once, you told me you loved me.

* * * * *

For I won't stop you

I will open my door

My heart is here waiting

I don't need it no more

* * * * *

You told me you loved me and it meant something. It gave me a reason to keep trying, until I realized something about myself, and about you. I've lived for hundreds of years and you've lived more than twice that. I can already feel the years beginning to drag me down and can't imagine what it must be like for you. We're getting old whether we admit it or not.

You told me you loved me and it touched my heart. But my heart is old. Hundreds of years old. It's gone hundreds of years without love and it doesn't know how to beat any other way.

* * * * *

I know why you're leaving

And I'll just let it be

I am left with nothing

And now you're lost to me

* * * * *

I think, once, I did love you. How could I not? Everyone loves you. You're perfection personified. Once, I wanted to be with you. But now... now I just want to be. If I can simply be, life will go on, and one day, when I'm older, when I'm weaker, someone young and strong with visions of glory and foolish desires for power will kill me. And I will no longer be. And my life will have meaning.

You love me. I know and understand this as I know and understand that I am old and slowly dying. As are you. And we can only be.

* * * * *

For I won't stop you

I will open my door

My heart is here waiting

I don't need it no more

* * * * *

I can't stop you from loving me. But I think that even if I could, I wouldn't. This façade that my life has become is long and winding down to completion, and if you wish to mourn the loss of my life, you may. I only hope that someday, you will learn that a life thousands of years old is long beyond completion, and death is an answer.

If you want to love me, that's okay. You'll get over it soon enough. Everyone else has.

* * * * *

I know why you're waiting

To give me time to breathe

Before you take my heart now

Just get up and leave

* * * * *

You hope that if you give me time, I'll love you in return. It's not hard to tell. You're waiting, biding your time like the skilled lover and expert manipulator that you are. But I can't love you. My hundreds-year-old heart can't take it. I can't do it. I can't love you.

Don't wait for me. My heart is dying. My love is lost. In a way, I think, I'm already dead.

* * * * *

For I won't stop you

I will open my door

My heart is here waiting

I don't need it no more

* * * * *

You can have my heart. It's old and worthless to me now. It's never loved and been loved in return and all it's good for is keeping me alive. But even that is beginning to lose it's draw. My heart is old and worthless, and you can have it.

You love me, but I can't love you. I've spent my whole life convincing myself that love is a weakness and it's too late to change. I'm too old now. But you love me.

* * * * *

For love makes a fool of me

for love makes a part of us

you know it's worthless, as worthless can be

for love makes a fool of me

for love makes a part of us

you know it's worthless, as worthless can be

It's worthless, worthless

Can't be

* * * * *

I can't love you. A lifetime of stoic certainty can't be changed on the brink of death. I don't love you.

Oh gods, I wish I didn't...