Zoey 101 Fan Fiction ❯ Zoey 102 ❯ Chapter 1

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

link to page 2 link to page 7 link to page 13 link to page 20 link to page 26 link to page 33 link to page 40 link to page 46 link to page 53 link to page 60 link to page 67 link to page 74 link to page 80 link to page 87 link to page 95 link to page 101 link to page 108 link to page 115 link to page 122 link to page 128 link to page 133 link to page 140 link to page 145 link to page 149 link to page 155 link to page 160 link to page 167 link to page 173 link to page 179 link to page 185 link to page 191 Zoey 102
Klaus Schilling
Disclaimer: iDont Own Zoey 101 or any of the other shows or songs
Rating: Teenagers
Fluff,Family,Friendship,Science Fiction,Mystery,Spiritual
The Zoey 101 maincast returns for soph year. Many pupils old and new join
in.
Zoey/Spencer, Chase/Addie, Dustin/Carly, Drake/Lola, Megan/Nevel,
Quinn/Eric/Craig,...
Table of Contents
Logan Rues The Day
·
A New Boyfriend For Coco
·
Checking The Chemistry
·
The Football Star
·
Quinn's Darkest Moment
·
Open MIC Night
·
Who May Stop Chuck Javers?
·
Dancing The Macalana
·
Dustin Is Stuck
·
Quinn's Bacteria
·
G.O. Killed The Radio Star
·
Science Fairy
·
Customer Of The Week
·
Horror Trip I
·
Horrortrip II
·
Chain Reaction
·
Barbecue Chaos
·
Shinyusha
·
Juicy Toons
·
Touch Too Much
·
Doheny
·
Quo Vadis, I
·
Quo Vadis, II
·
Switching Again
·
Cardboard Comrade
·
Last Break before the Storm
·
The Return of the Cheater
·
No Coffee Today
·
Geometry and Physics
·
Promorama I
·
Promorama II
·
Zoey 102
1

link to page 7 link to page 7 Logan Rues The Day
Zoey had just seen how Chase was going to suck the teeth from Rebecca's
stinky mouth. Quinn and Lola had been so wrong. Chase was no longer in
love with Zoey, maybe he had never been, all of the silly rumours
notwithstanding. He had found a steady girlfriend. Zoey smiled, being all
the way happy for Chase. She turned around, stumbling into another girl.
Chase's Number Three? Zoey startled. "If you're on your way to Chase ...
he's sold out at the moment."
The girl laughed. "Jenifer Mosely[1]I'm Chase's step-sister. You may call
me Moze. I guess he's making out with Rebecca?"
Zoey nodded solemnly. She hadn't known that Chase's dad had just been
married again.
"So you're who?" Jennifer asked curiously.
"I'm Zoey ..." She didn't know how much Chase had told about her unto his
step-sister of a few months.
Moze beamed. "The famous Zoey Brooks? Chase had told me so many good
things about you. I have been surprised when he denied that you were his
girlfriend. Instead he dates that b#### Rebecca. You can't allow that!"
"Why not? Chase and I, we are just friends!" Zoey insisted. "He's free to
date anyone he wants to."
Moze sighed. "OK, Zoey, he certainly is allowed to do so, but if you care
about Chase as a friend, you can't watch him got rot like this!"
Zoey couldn't deny that she cared a lot about Chase, even as
just-a-friend , so she decided to listen to Jenifer's words of warning.
"Rebecca is perversely jealous and evil. I'm sure she'll try to set up
Chase against all of his friends, especially against you." Jenifer sighed
deeply. "She has already talked him into hating me, telling hilarious
lies about me and my mom. She won't spare Chase's dad, either. I believe
she's his mother's tool to get back at his dad and his step-mom."
Zoey almost choked. She waved at Moze, and then she returned to her dorm.
When Zoey came back to her dorm, she stared in dismay. Lola was getting
her belongings together. "What's going on?"
Lola sighed. "Quinn has told Mrs. Burvich[2] that we always complain about
her items and experiments. Now Quinn gets room-mates that don't mind, and
we have to switch to 102."
Logan Rues The Day
2

link to page 7 link to page 7 link to page 7 Zoey banged her head against the wall. "Why me?" Then she cared for her
own belongings. "That's so not fair, we've been here before."
Lola shrugged. "So, did Chase finally tell you that ..."
Zoey shook her head with all vigour. "No way. Chase has a steady
girlfriend that is not me."
Lola went pale. She had known about this since the days when Chase had
helped her with a biology test, almost leading to them dating. But she
had never told Zoey. "What's her name?" Chase hadn't told Lola. "I hate
her!"
"I've also met Chase's step sister, Moze. She hates Rebecca even more.
Well, at least she has got a reason for that. But you haven't even met
her yet."
"But everyone knows that Chase has to love you. If she's after him, she's
an evil ..." Lola boomed.
"Oh yeah?" Zoey wasn't pleased. "You've been going for Chase as well, do
I have to remind you?"
"But I've asked you before, and you ..." Lola shrugged.
Zoey almost exploded in anger. She had allowed Lola to date Chase, but
she had just been polite. She had always deemed Lola unsuioted for Chase.
The both of them didn't match at all. Regardless of whether Chase loved
Zoey or not, he deserved, by all means, better than Lola. Alas, Lola
wasn't the problem anymore, now it was Rebecca.
Quinn bounded in, followed by two girls. "These are my roomies, Mary
Ferry [3] and Liza Zemo [4]. They are good roomies that don't get scared by
this!" Quinn shook the glass container with some icky green stuff in it.
"Oh, and Lisa Zemo has just persuaded Mary and me to get contact glasses.
I'll go to the eye medic next week. Mark will sure kiss me afterwards."
Zoey and Lola had finally got their belongings together. They avoided
talking to each other. They entered 101, but the top bunk which Lola had
wanted desperately was already occupied by some girl with a guitar in her
arms.
"Hi, I'm Addie Singer [5]" the girl introduced herself.
Lola had always wanted the top bunk. Back at home, her little sister had
used to ... hey! Lola had forgotten to help her little sister with her
luggage! That was going to mean some terror! Now Lola was totally upset
at everyone. "Forget it, I'm moving into 103. I hope they have a spare
top bunk!"
Logan Rues The Day
3

link to page 7 Zoey shrugged before she introduced herself to Addie. "She's always been
a difficult room-mate. I'm happy that I've just got rid of her." Addie's
guitar reminded her of Chase's.
From the next room, they heard some girl with a lispy voice whining
piteously. Later, they were going to know that her name was Styacey
Dillsen.
"I've built this model of a house of my dreams, all of cotton swabs and
white glue. And then this guy with bushy hair came along and ..." Stacey
shed tears that soaked the new carpet.
Zoey overheard also that Lola's other room-mate was Lisa Perkins, a girl
she had seen on the Californian Idol show.
Moze bounded in. "Sorry, is there a free bed for me? Some lunatic diva
that I've seen recently in some TV show just kicked me out of 103 because
she wants the top bunk. Oh, hi Zoey!"
"Hi Moze, nice to see you again. This is Addie." Zoey shrugged. She
didn't really care anymore.
"Reese, if you don't score your free throws, you're out!" Coach Keller
yelled at Logan Reese who failed each throw.
Logan was desparate.
"I may help you," Quinn Pensky offered. "I've learnt that basketball is
based on geometry and physics, especially free throws."
Logan laughed heartily at Quinn, the opinion of Michael, Lola, Zoey, and
Chase notwithstanding. "No way! Quinn is a spaz!"
Quinn boiled in anger. Already back at elementary school she had been
insulted rudely, and Logan Reese took it to the top.
Suddenly an obscure ten-year old boy showed up behind Logan, booming in
anger. "You shouldn't have said that to Quinn, Reese! You are going to
rue the day, until the times of dystopia are you going to rue it!"
"Ha, who's that gnome that tries to curse me?" Logan laughed arrogantly.
"Nevel![6]" Quinn shrieked. "My half-brother ... excuse me for a moment
..." she whispered into Zoey's ear.
Zoey shrugged. She had often enough felt the urge to curse that jerk, but
that just wasn't the style of a Miss Perfect.
"Quinn has got a half-brother?" Michael wondered.
4

link to page 7 link to page 7 link to page 7 "She doesn't want to talk about it, but yeah ..." Zoey shrugged
helplessly.
"Oh, do you already know my little brother, Harper?"[7] he asked Zoey.
Zoey shook her head.
Quinn whispered to Nevel "You're basically right, Logan is a jerk and a
pervert of the worst sort, but you have to be more subtle. Just cursing
him in the public won't help you a lot."
"OK," Nevel sighed. "but he will rue it! I'll ask my room-mate Tyler [8]
to help me. He's great at conning dumb people."
Quinn nodded. "OK, but be careful!" She kissed Nevel on the top of his
head and sent him off, secure in the knowledge that Logan was going to
rue the day. And she knew that she better left it all to Nevel and his
friend Tyler.
"What in hell is dystopia?" Logan asked Michael and Chase.
"I know it!" Michael boasted. "It's a misplaced inner organ"
"That dwarf called me a slipped kidney or liver?" Logan whimpered in
disgust while he tried to hit the waste paper basket with his basket
ball, failing miserably.
Chase had a different idea. "Haven't you paid attention when Mr.Callahan
[9] talked about Aldous Huxley's Brave New World in our literature
classes?"
"Oh yeah, now that you say it ..." Michael remembered joyfully. "It's a
mix of apocalyptics and utopia"
"I still don't understand" Logan shrugged. "Whatever, I will be a model
or an athlet, and then it won't matter whether I paid attention in any
stupid class or not."
"Model maybe," Chase added. "but unless you learn to score with your free
throws ..."
"Do you always have to pick on that?" Logan cried.
Chase shrugged. "Maybe you should listen to Quinn and ..."
"No way! Not after that amoeba has cursed me!"
Michael had to talk to Chase about Rebecca. "How could you do that?"
5

link to page 7 Chase shrugged. "See, Zoey would be my girlfriend for a year or two, and
then I'd forget about her. But I prefer her to be a good friend forever,
like you. I mean, you are the best, but Zoey is close to that."
Michael smiled. "This sounds like a wise decision! Oh, have you heard
from Toon Juice? Not that I expect too much from them, but ..."
Chase twitched. "Aw, I've forgotten ... they've accepted our cartoons!"
Michael cheered and bounced. "Does Rebecca already know about it?"
Dustin bounded in, followed by some girl. "Hi Chase! This is Lola's
little sister, Juana Evangelista Maria Luisa Teresa Camacho y Martinez."
Chase choked when he heard that long name. Why did Latinos make things so
complicated?
"Don't tell Lola and Zoey that we're friends. They are now at each
other's throat, and it's all your fault, so ..." Dustin ducks.
Chase shrugged. "No problem!"
Juanita saw Michael's flute. "May you play something? I love singing
operas and stuff." For a few moments, she displayed her soprano voice,
hurting Logan's ears.
Michael picked his flute, playing a few notes from George Gershwin's jazz
opera Blue Monday[10].
In this moment, Rebecca bounded in. She had wanted to tell Zoey that she
should cease talking with Chase. Alas, she saw Zoey talking to Moze, from
which she concluded that the two of them were plotting against Rebecca.
This increased Rebecca's anger endlessly."Don't ever talk to Zoey again!
Never again!"
"I talk to whom I want, whenever I want!" Chase declared.
Rebecca took Michaels flute, violently and against his will, and then she
swang it at the head of Chase. Fortunately, the bushy hair reduced the
force of the blow severely. Then she ran away while everyone else was
shocked.
Chase gurgled and slumped down to the ground.
Michael called Zoey on the cell phone, complaining about his scratched
flute.
Zoy appeared, followed by Moze. "What has that evil beast done to
you?"She nursed Chase's head.
6

link to page 2 link to page 2 link to page 3 link to page 3 link to page 3 link to page 4 link to page 5 link to page 5 link to page 5 link to page 6 "Basically, I've said that I'm not her slave." Chase sighed. "I should
have listened to Moze."
Zoey and Chase declared that they were still best friends, and they
declared that their friendship should never suffer from Zoey's boyfriends
or Chase's girlfriends.
[1] from Ned's Declassified SSG
[2] Back At The PCA
[3] from Unfabulous
[4] from Ned's Declassified SSG
[5] from Unfabulous
[6] from iCarly Show
[7] from iCarly Show : iCarly Saves TV
[8] from Drake & Josh : I love Sushi
[9] Zoey's English teacher according to Webcam
[10] which I don't own. Among other things, the opera features a fatally
jealous woman
A New Boyfriend For Coco
"Zoey!" Dustin screamed when he entered Zoey's dorm. "I've almost
beheaded Dean Rivers!"
"Dustin! How did you do that? Good boys don't decapitate their
headmaster!" Zoey was downright upset.
Dustin hang his head in shame. "I've build a new model plane, but it
didn't work. Quinn repaired it for me and ..."
"Typical Quinn!" Zoey boomed in dismay. "Fortunately she's now in a
different room, or, some fine day, you might discover my head, severed
and torn, when you come over..."
Dustin shuddered. "No , Zoey!" he wrapped his arms around her and sighed
deeply. "Quinn made the thing fly again, but she made it impossible to
navigate. As a result, the plane flew straight on, and Dean Rivers was in
its way. Beverly made him duck in time, though."
A New Boyfriend For Coco
7

link to page 13 link to page 13 Zoey sighed in relief. "Don't ever play with model planes again, will
you?"
Dustin shrugged helplessly, He knew that he better obeyed to his smart
elder sister, lest very bad things were going to happen.
"Good Dustin!" Zoey praised her little brother.
"But you won't guess whom I have seen on the campus!" Dustin beamed.
Zoey shrugged helplessly. "Whom?"
"Drake Parker[11]! He was accompanied by a girl that is just a bit older
than me, and by some bigheaded dork." Dustin beamed.
"Oh my Gawd!" Zoey screamed, making the walls tremble.
Lola and Lisa Perkins bounded in.
"Hi girls, Drake is on the campus!" Zoey said a few words.
Lisa and Lola stormed out on the campus. They wanted to beat all the
other girls to the great rock star. Unlike Zoey, they had not been at the
PCA when Drake Parker had performed live at the PCA.[12]
Zoey slowly left the building. The message about Drake was spreading like
wildfire, causing girls to panic. Drake was known as a reckless rake, and
almost all of the girls wanted something from him.
Dustin followed Zoey out onto the campus.
Girls entoured Drake and his companions in droves.
It was hard to get anywhere on the campus. Zoey and Dustin had to walk a
detour - until they saw a lump of misery lying on the floor, right in
front of their nose.
"Coco!" Zoey yelled when she saw her dorm advisor, lying on the barren
soil and cringing in sorrow. Zoey sighed. "Dustin, we have to take care
of her."
"Isn't it the dorm advisers' job to take care of us?" Dustin asked Zoey.
"It should be!" Zoey shrugged while she picked whimpering Coco from the
ground. "And Coco should really take a shower!"
Dustin shrugged before he helped his sister carry the poor excuse of a
dorm adviser.
"OK, Coco, what happened?" Zoey asked curiously.
8

link to page 13 link to page 13 Coco whimpered. "Carl! He has dumped me again!"
Carl had been Coco's fiance of a few years. He was also the coach of the
PCA's softball team, a bunch of sad losers.
"He always dumps you after a few weeks." Zoey remarked.
"Via mobile phone!" Coco screamed. "He's the only guy that would dump a
girl this way!" Coco weeped more and more.
Zoey shrugged. "I'll get her to my bathroom. Dustin, may you try to get
some girls to help me?"
Dustin sighed in relief. He didn't want to shower that lump of
desolation. Alas, his task wasn't easy, given that almost all girls were
lusting for Drake and would be hard to convince.
"Would any girl be kind enough to help some hapless DA?" He screamed
while he ran around.
"Me!" A man around fourty who had been standing near Drake offered his
help.
"Walter!"[13] the girl next to Drake complained. "The dwarf said girl!"
She slipped through the masses and ran over to Dustin. "Hello! My name is
Megan!"[14]
Dustin smiled at the girl. "Hi! I'm Dustin. Are you related to Drake."
Megan nodded. "I wish I weren't. He's such a boob!"
"Boob?" Dustin shrugged while leading Megan to Zoey's hall.
"That's how I call useless boys, such as my brother Drake and my
step-brother Josh. As opposed to cool boys like you." Megan smiled.
"Erm ... if you say so ..." Dustin stammered.
Megan and Dustin reached Zoey's hall.
"Good luk, Megan! Do you want to be a friend of mine?" Dustin asked
timidly.
Megan nodded and smiled before she disappeared in order to help Coco.
Dustin watched the mass of girls swirrling around Drake, and he chuckled.
9

link to page 13 After an hour, the ignoble mass of fangirls had dispersed. Granted, the
megaphone of Dean Rivers and his menace to call for security had helped
quite a bit.
Zoey and Megan returned with Coco from the showers.
"Hi Megan, that funny guy next to Drake, I think I have seen him in TV.
Weather forecast ..." Dustin wondered.
Megan nodded. "That's my step-father Walter Nichols, the worst weather
frog ever!"
"That's why my underwear never dries!" Coco complained. "When it says
sunshine, I put my laundry on the veranda. But then it rains ..."
Megan agreed.
They finally reached the staff's dorm hall. Coco pointed to her veranda.
The socks and panties of Coco were still dripping.
Walter Nichols slipped underneath Coco's veranda and caught some drops
with his tongue. "Yummy!" He rubbed his tummy.
"Your dad drinks laundry sewage?"[15] Zoey asked, filled with dismay and
horror. "Egad! That is icky!"
Megan agreed wholeheartedly. "Walter is so gross... I wonder how mom can
stand that! And he's my step-dad. I'm so embarassed, please don't make me
closer related to him as I am. It's already emabarassing to be Drake's
sister."
Dustin wondered why Megan was so embarassed. Drake was a famous rock
star, shouldn't she be proud? On the other hand, Megan knew Drake a lot
better, so she knew things about him ... Dustin was determined to stick
up for his new friend rather than to some popular idol, whenever it came
down to it.
"Hey! That man has got a good taste!" Coco objected.
Megan stared oddly at Coco.
"Do you want me to tell you what Coco usually likes to eat?" Dustin asked
Megan. He whispered something into Megan's ear.
"Gross!" Megan shuddered with disgust. "What a beast!"
Dustin nodded.
Coco stepped up to Mr. Nichols. "Hey, Walter, do you want some of my
cookie dough that has been in the trash bin?"
10

link to page 13 Walter didn't hesitate. "Sure!" Then he followed Coco into her apartment.
"Are you going to stay at this school?" Dustin asked Megan. "What about
your boobs, as you call them?"
Zoey was upset because Dustin used those words when talking to Megan.
"It's OK, Zoey! Boobs is my nickname for useless boys, such as Drake and
Josh." Megan chuckled.
Zoey rolled on the floor laughing.
"And yes, we are all going to live here!" Megan sighed. "My mom is tired
from our constant bickering, so she sent us to a boarding school!" Megan
shrugged.
"You will like it here!" Zoey told Megan. "Many nice girls and hot boys!"
Chase and Michael stepped up to Drake and Josh. They remembered Drake
from his concert at the PCA.
"Hi ... Chase and Michael?" Drake remembered the boys. "This is my new
manager, Josh Nichols, who happens to be my step-brother."
"Aw cool!" Michael screamed.
"We'll bring you to your dorm, just show us your accreditation." Chase
offered kindly.
Logan had been following Chase and Michael. "Drake Parker? Do you know
that my dad plans to put you into his next movie?"
Josh stammered. "Your dad is ... Malcolm Reese, the famous Hollywood
producer?"[16]
Logan nodded. "And I'm the hottest guy in California!"
"No way! That would be me!" Drake protested vigorously. "Girls fall for
me like flies!"
"Bleh!" Logan protested. "I'm the top girl magnet on here!"
"You have been, but these times are over!" Drake boomed.
Chase separated the boasting jerks. "May I suggest a bet ... he who makes
out with more diffferent girls until the end of the year wins!"
"That's sick!" Michael objected. "But it's cool! I'll be your witness!"
Drake and Logan agreed on it, but what were the stakes?
11

link to page 13 link to page 13 "The loser has to run across the campus, dressed in a girl's gown only!"
Chase suggested.
"That's OK!" Logan replied. "because ... I will win the bet, and Drake
will ..."
"Deal!" Drake replied. "I'm looking forward to seeing Logan stalk the
campus in a gown!"
Walter and Coco had agreed on a dinner in Kazu's Japanese restaurant.
They have been talking about a lot of icky stuff that would have turned
everybody's stomach inside out.
Coco started to sweat like the Niagara falls.
Walter stuck his finger at Coco's skin and licked her sweat. "Mmmmm ...
yummy!" He swooned delightfully.
"Glad you like it!" Coco coughed. She had just told him about Carl. "And
he gave me pretzels from the gas shop! And he always dumps me via cell!"
Walter shrugged. "Do you know that many people in my family sweat[17] like
a skyburst? Must be because I'm a weather reporter ..."
Coco chuckled. But then she spotted Carl entering Sushi Rocks.
Carl was particularly infuriated because his softball team had just lost
666 times in a row. He grabbed Walter from behind. "Don't ever touch my
Coco again! Don't even dare to speak to her!"
Walter didn't get the situation. He was too dumb.
Carl was about smashing Walter against the wall. But suddenly, he felt an
excruciating pain in his toes, making him flounder and slip helplessly.
"Take this, you jerk!" Dana thundered [18]. She had been standing behind
Carl. "Now I know why it is called softball, the coaches are even more
mushy than soft ice!"
"Dana!" Coco screamed. "You're back?"
Dana grinned. "I'm the captain of Carl's team. But I'm switching to
football. The coaches there are men, manly men, not puny wimps like
Carl!"
Walter thanked Dana for saving him.
Coco decided to pay their bill and return to her apartment, along with
Walter. She still had some brownie dough left in her fridge.
12

link to page 8 link to page 8 link to page 9 link to page 9 link to page 10 link to page 11 link to page 12 link to page 12 "Looks like mom finally gets rid of that dork!" Megan beamed brightly.
She had been watching Walter and Coco from a table across the bar.
Zoey nodded in agreement. She hadn't yet noticed Dana.
Quinn entered the bar and went to Zoey. "Sorry if I'm late. Jerk Parker
tried to make out with me, whence Nevel cursed him to rue the day, until
dystopia. That kept us up."
Megan beamed brightly. "Whoever that Nevel is, I already like that guy.
He sure is totally sweet! ... Oh, I'm Megan, the ... cough ... sister of
Drake. It's embarassing."
Quinn understood that it should be embarassing to be related to such a
jerk. "Nevel is my little half-brother."
Dana walked over to Zoey's table. "Hey, Miss Perfect! Hey Nerdface!" she
grinned sadistically.
"Dana!" Quinn and Zoey boomed with dismay.
[11] from Drake & Josh
[12] cf. Spring Fling
[13] from Drake & Josh
[14] from Drake & Josh
[15] cf. Drake & Josh : Helicopter
[16] cf. Spring Break-Up
[17] cf. Josh in Drake & Josh : Blues Brothers
[18] cf. School Dance where Dana stomped on Logan's feet, which he
enjoyed.
Checking The Chemistry
Zoey screamed piteously when she entered her dorm.
"What's up, mate?" Moze asked her.
"Mrs. Bromwell is such a meanie. I've got a C in chemistry." Zoey weeped.
"I've never been any worse than a straight B in anything."
Checking The Chemistry
13

link to page 19 Mose and Addie comforted Zoey.
"And with a C, I may forget about Harvard ... that's so unfair from
Bromwell." Zoey sighed deeply.
"You may still get extra credits or a tutor." Addie remarked.
Zoey nodded. "Quinn once tried to tutor me. But it was ... like ... if
you are able to follow her tutoring lessons, you don't need tutoring to
begin with ..."
"I know that ..." Addie told her. "It isn't much better with Mary Ferry.
Fortunately I'm all content with a C or D in science stuff. I don't need
a good college, it's just an obstacle to creativity."
Moze shrugged. "Good for you! But there have to be some tutors out there
who are not cerebral narcissists."
Zoey shrugged.
Suddenly, Addie shrieked.
Zoey wondered what was going on.
"A mouse! Or rat, even?" Addie couldn't calm down.
Quinn's two-way TV activated itself, making Quinn's face appear. "Shut
up, you silly wenches! We need to concentrate on a scientific
experiments!"
Zoey was upset. "If there's a rat in our dorm, we may shriek as much as
we want to."
"A rat? Oh no, that's my rat!" Quinn sobbed. "I was training her for
dancing, but then she escaped."
"Don't worry. I'll ask my friend Cookie[19] for his pet weasel, that
should fix the problem!" Moze suggested.
Quinn protested vigorously.
"Pets are strictly illegal at the PCA! They didn't permit my dog Nancy,
either!" Addie reminded her mates.
Zoey nodded. "That goes for both the weasel and the rat!"
"Whatever, get your rat's ass out of our room, as soon as possible!" Moze
commanded Quinn. She was seconded by Zoey and Addie.
Checking The Chemistry
14

In the evening, Michael and Chase had decided to visit Zoey in her room.
Their basketball training had been cancelled after Michael had slipped on
a basket ball on the way to the toilets. They opened the door.
"Hey! What a stench!" Michael squealed. "That isn't nice!"
Chase nodded, but then ... "Arrrrghhh!" He squealed in agony and froze to
a block of stone.
"What's up, Chase?" Michael wondered. But then he saw a picture of
horror: Zoey and Logan lying on Zoey's bad, both asleep. "What the ..."
"Zoey and Logan? That can't be!" Chase sobbed. "It's so ... wrong!" He
stammered and was about going to throw up.
Michael took his cellular phone, whereupon Dustin was on his way to
Zoey's dorm.
"What has this jerk done to Zoey?" Chase whimpered. "He must have given
her some drugs!"
"But Chase!" Michael tried to calm him down. "Logan has been our friend
for like six years now. And you said yourself that you and Zoey are just
friends, so she's free to ..."
Chase didn't accept Michael's excuses. "And for that reason, I know that
Logan is just a jerk! And Zoey can't date such a jerk, it's so ..." Chase
couldn't bear it any longer. He threw up and spoilt Zoey's plush squid.
Dustin arrived, trailed by Megan and Nevel. "What has that jerk done to
my sister?" Dustin was upset. "Nevel, you're right! Logan is going to rue
the day!" He tried to shake Zoey awake. "Zoey! Zoey! What has that
pervert done unto you?"
Megan and Nevel agreed wholeheartedly with their pal.
Finally, Logan woke up while Zoey was still stuck in the twilight ,zone.
It was already past curfew.
"Fix it here, while Nevel and I are going to distract Coco!" Megan
suggested.
Chase, Michael, and Dustin agreed.
"What are you doing here?" Chase interrogated Logan.
"Er ... what does it look like?" Logan replied quickly. He had no clue
why he had fallen asleep, but the situation was perfect. It couldn't go
any better: Chase and even Megan would be his witnesses for him having
made out with Zoey! A witness that even Drake Parker had to accept. This
would warrant the pole position for Logan. He could defeat Drake in their
15

bet!
Chase had to throw up again, right on Logan's pradas.
"Do you know what these shoes have taken me?" Logan complained.
Chase shrugged. "Zoey and you ... that's totally sick!"
"Oh, is it?" Logan boomed sadistically.
Suddenly, they heard a scream from outside the dorm.
Dustin was still trying to get his elder sister to wake up. "What has
this beast done to you?"
Zoey moaned. "Dustin! What are you doing here?"
Logan wasn't pleased about Zoey waking up. "And out of here ..."He jumped
out through the window.
"Hey! We're not done!" Chase yelled after Logan, but in vain.
Moze and Addie bounded in. "Hey guys, what the heck is going on outside?"
Chase and Michael shrugged cluelessly.
"We just entered the hallway, and what did we see?" Addie shrugged. "Coco
in a net in suspense from the ceiling!"
Dustin chuckled. "That was Megan's work! So we boys won't get caught in
the girls' dorms after eight p.m.!"
Moze shrugged. "OK, but what are you doing here, anyways?"
"We just wanted to come over for a visit, and we found Zoey and Logan
..." Chase stammered. "Logan and Zoey ..." He couldn't help vomiting
again.
"Zoey! What has that jerk done to you?" Chase interrogated baffled Zoey.
Zoey shrugged. "Nothing! You have to believe me! And would you please
wipe your vomit?"
"Come on!" Chase insisted. "You can't fall asleep in Logan's arms without
reason."
"OK, if you really want to know it ... you remember that I wasn't content
with my recent mark in chemistry?" Zoey reminded Chase.
Both Chase and Michael nodded.
16

link to page 19 link to page 20 "Well ... Logan is my tutor for chemistry ..." Zoey shrugged helplessly.
"He just isn't proud of it."
Chase started rolling on the floor laughing, even in his own vomit. "Oh
please, Zoey,you can't be serious. Talk you again tomorrow, or maybe
you'll just tell me another lie, won't you? Tutoring doesn't cause you to
fall asleep in Logan's arms!" He stood up, grabbed Michael, and they
disappeared through the window.
"But Chase!" Zoey screamed in despair, but in vain.
Dustin, Moze and Addie assured that they believed Zoey's version.
Nevel and Quinn bounded in.
"My rat still isn't unconscious!" Quinn screamed. "I've been defeated by
a beast with a pea-sized brain!" She weeped piteously. "I think I give up
on science!"
"No, you can't!" Nevel begged Quinn. "Forget the rat, you're still the
smartest!"
"How did you try to make the rat pass out?" Moze asked Quinn.
"I've developed a nervous gas, similar to the one with coconut scent [20]
and then ..." Quinn sighed. She was still totally embarassed.
Zoey sighed. "Oh, know I know from whence that stench came ... it must
have knocked Logan and myself unconscious, once again ..."
Addie and Moze sighed. "We'll talk to Chase, tomorrow ..."
Zoey thanked her roommates.
Megan bounded him. "Look what I've found ..." She held Quinn's naughty
rat in her hand. "Isn't he sweet?" She invited Nevel and Dustin to pet
the rat.
"Zoey, may I buy me a pet rat?" Dustin begged his elder sister who shook
her head, disapproving rigorously. "A hamster? A guinea pig?"
"Pets are not legal at this boarding school!" Zoey reminded Dustin. "And
aren't you afraid of animals of that size?[21]"
Dustin shook his head. "No more!"
Quinn took her cage and locked the rat inside it.
"Why does Quinn get away with all those beasts?" Dustin sighed. "It's not
fair ..."
17

link to page 20 link to page 20 link to page 20 link to page 20 Zoey sent Nevel and Dustin away.
"Guess I may do this ..." Megan pushed a button on some remote control.
A thud and a scream were heard from outside the dorm. Obviously, it was
Coco's voice.
"I'm so excited!" Megan told Zoey and Moze. "My cousin Carly[22] will also
go to this school, just a few weeks from now. She looks a lot like my,
they tell me. Her guardian and brother Spencer[23] is going to work at
nearby Harry-Joyner[24]-Museum for modern arts."
"Er ... I hope she's a bit nicer ..."Zoey chuckled. Megan had often
enough scared her.
"Does she happen to be from Seattle, like me?"[25] Quinn pondered. "I may
vaguely remember ..."
Megan nodded and waved good night to the girls.
Moze met Chase in the big break. "Hi bro, I believe you that Logan is a
jerk, but..."
"But what?" Chase still had the taste of vomit in his mouth, and hearing
about Logan and Zoey didn't help at all.
"Zoey's story was not a lie. Logan is indeed her tutor. A few years ago,
he spent his summer with his grandpa who was a researcher at Caltech. He
forced London to learn a lot about chemistry. Logan hates it, but he
still remembers a lot. That's why Mrs. Bromwell ordered him to tutor
Zoey." Moze explained patiently.
Chase banged his head against the wall. "Oh, sorry for not believing
Zoey. But I guess that Logan tried to abuse the situation."
Moze nodded. "Indeed. He runs for the title of the biggest jerk at the
PCA."
Chase sighed. "I may imagine that. It almost makes me throw up again. And
I guess I ought to apologise unto Zoey."
Moze and Addie nodded.
"Maybe I should write a song and play it unto her." Zoey pondered.
"You play the guitar?" Addie wondered. "So do I!"
Chase nodded. "Cool! I may write lyrics, and I've recently started
playing the guitar, but for composition, I need Michael's help."
18

link to page 20 link to page 20 link to page 14 link to page 17 Addie smiled. "I'm not a great composer, either. Maybe we may teach each
other what we don't know?"
"Sounds great! Not that I understand it, does it make sense? But I like
it." Chase smiled while patting Addie on the shoulders.
Addie patted him back.
They reached Zoey.
"Sorry for not believing you!" Chase sighed piteously.
Zoey nodded. "That's OK. Logan did everything to make you believe that
..." Zoey was too scared to continue her own words. "He sure has to pay
for that!" Zoey's eyes gleamed.
Chase smiled. "But how?"
Zoey shrugged. "I thought about hiding Quinn's rat in his pants, but
Megan had some better idea. I leave it all to her."[26]
A few steps later, they saw Drake and Logan begging Quinn. Their faces
displayed pink stripes.
"Please, we suffer from some strange skin disease. The interweb says that
their's a remedy against it which is contained in ..."Logan stammered.
Drake whimpered: "Rat Piss! We need it desperately lest we want to
undergo some painful surgery."[27]
"OK, just stick your heads into the rat cage and wait until the rat
pisses all over your face!"Quinn ordered the jerks. Then she launched her
fender caster. "The rat needs music in order to dance!"
Everyone laughed while the jerks screamed in agony.
At the same time, Megan dragged Josh to Zoey. "I've found a decent tutor
for you. Josh is the best."
"Hi Josh!" Zoey smiled.
Josh twitched like a dead fish. "Hi! Let's start with the lessons."
Nevel smiled and highfived Megan when he watched the rat dancing and
pissing all over the faces of the jerks.
[19] from Ned's Declassified SSG
[20] cf. Little Beach Party
19

link to page 17 link to page 18 link to page 18 link to page 18 link to page 18 link to page 19 link to page 19 [21] cf. Quinn's First Date
[22] from iCarly Show
[23] from iCarly Show
[24] from iCarly Show : iHeart Arts
[25] cf. Quinn's Alpaca
[26] I don't own (,ct LeaveItAllToMe) by Miranda Cosgrove
[27] something similar in Drake & Josh : Mindy loves Josh
The Football Star
"PCA News ...This is Jeremiah Trottman. Today, we are reporting about the
semifinals of the Californian football championship for highschool teams.
The PCA team has made it up to here, down to our Captain Vincent Blake!"
Trottman announced. "Cut! Pass the carrier to my new co-commentator! I
don't know what happened to the old one ..."
"Hi, I'm Lola Martinez, your co-contemplator ... I love being on TV, huh!
Yeah, so you're Vince, right? And the girls are crazy for you?" Lola
beamed.
Vince smiled. "Sure! Hi girls! And, by the way, I've decided to join the
bet between Drake and Logan, whatever the stakes!"
Vice Captain Logan Reese stepped up to Lola. "Hi hottie! Want to make
out?"
"Sure!" She squealed joyfully. "With both of you at the same time, but
with Drake, too. And after that, I'll tell all the girls who's the best
kisser at the PCA!"
Trottman was angry. "This is the sports channel!" he yelled at Lola.
Lola sighed. "Isn't football all about displaying the bodies of studly
men?"
Stacey watched the channel in the lounge, along with hundreds of other
pupils. "Ohhhh, one day, I will be Mrs. Stacey Reese ... or Mrs. Stacey
Blake ...!!!" She swooned at the sight of the athletic bodies.
"Egad! That's so sexist!" Zoey complained unto Moze.
Jenifer Mosely nodded. "Our volleyball team trains as hard as the
football team. But nobody cares!"
The Football Star
20

Dustin bounded in. "Have I missed the interview with Vince? I needed to
buy a few gum worms. May you loan me some bucks for more?"
Zoey was angry. "Dustin! How often did I tell you ... tweenie boys should
not be addicted to unhealthy snacks!"
Dustin pouted.
Moze shrugged. "I wish them to offer more healthy snacks at the PCA,
especially at the vendor machines. But school administrations never care,
they are nothing but oblivious boneheads!"
Zoey agreed.
Trottman had made Lola talk to Michael Barret, the quarterback of the
team. Finally ... "We move on to the equipment manager, Reginald
Bristow."
"Bristow? As in Nicole Bristow?" Zoey wondered. She hadn't yet talked
much about her to Moze or Addie, thus she'll do that soon.
There seemed to be a problem. Reginald was afraid of Lola and hid behind
Logan and Michael. But he was dragged back to Lola by nobody less than
... Nicole Bristow.
Zoey squealed when she saw her former best friend again.
Lola hugged the hell out of Nicole. "I thought you've been gone!"
Nicole sighed. "I live off campus with my aunt and Reginald, my brother
by adoption. He's very shy. Isn't he very shy? Reginald, tell Lola how
shy you are. Lola is a nice girl who doesn't eat boys."
Lola portrayed a man-eating monster, making Reginald shriek. "Sorry, but
this had to be!"
Now Nicole was upset at Lola.
Zoey almost died in excitement when she heard Nicole talking. "I've
missed her infinitely much!"
"Ouch!"Nicole was disappointed by Lola. The she jumped into Vince Blake's
arms. "Vince is cute! Soooo cute! Isn't Vince cute?"
Vince was abhorred by Nicole's logorrhea, but he didn't hesitate making
out with her, just for the bet.
The Football Star
21

Zoey looked it up on the web. "That looks great! Moon bars ... no fat,
almost no calories, lots of vitamins and essential minerals!"
Moze and Zoey decided to order a bunch of those and distribute it via
vendor machines.
Vincent Blake bounded in. "Hi girls!"
"Hi Vince! Anxious before the big match?" Moze asked kindly. "We've heard
that you're close to setting a new corner stone in the history of sports.
Only two matches left until ..."
"But we're not up to making out with you!" Zoey declared. "There are
enough other girls who ..."
Vince chuckled. "Yeah, that will be great! As you talk about history ...
you know that we're going to write a test about the foundation of our
nation, somewhen next week or so ..."
Moze and Zoey nodded.
"The upcoming matches don't leave me with enough time to learn for the
test. So I ask you ... may you write the test for me? You're in the
honours program for history, so it won't be any problem for you." Vince
asked seductively. "I'll pay you well!"
Moze and Zoey were close to throwing up. "What? You want us to help you
cheat in a test?"
"As I told you, as a football star I've never got the time to learn, thus
I need to ..." Vince begged.
Moze and Zoey turned it down again.
Vince shrugged and bounded out, looking for someone else to do his tests.
Along came Chase Matthews. "Hi girls, wasn't that Vince Blake?"
"Chase!" Moze and Zoey beamed brightly.
"He wanted to bribe you into writing a test for him, right?" Chase saw
the girls nodding, hence he continued: "That's illegal at the PCA! He may
be expelled for that!"
The girls nodded. But they told him that denouncing Vince unto Dean
Rivers would make Chase the most hated guy of the whole school, given all
the hype about the upcoming football championship.
"So cheating is OK, provided you're the captain of the victorious
football team?" Chase asked angrily.
22

The girls told Chase to calm down. Then they ordered a whole cardboard
box full of moon bars.
Finally, the moon bars got delivered. Moze and Zoey opened the box. Then
they bit into the bars.
Zoey's face cramped. "Do we agree on one thing?"She asked Moze. "Those
bars are disgusting!"
Moze nodded, unable to say something before she puked on the floor, along
with Zoey.
Quinn passed by. "That's icky!"
Zoey explained the situation. "Can't there be snacks that are healthy and
taste well? Dean Rivers only sells those sugar bombs."
Quinn pondered. "I think I may help you ..." She had made the other girls
quite curious. "In my biology project with Mark, we studied cactus
plants. Do you know that Mark doesn't cry when sitting on a cactus? The
infirmary had to remove a bunch of needles from his hindside after ..."
Neither Zoey nor Moze were interested in those details.
Quinn continued. "OK, we've discovered that the aloe from Guadalapexo
cactus is yummy, and it shows no traces of fat or sugar."
Quinn fetched a can of cactus juice and a set of syringes. Along with
Moze and Zoey, she injected the delicious aloe into the snack bars.
"Fantastic!" Zoey beamed when she tasted the yummy bars.
"Now we need to sneak the bars into the vendor automata ..." Moze stated.
Zoey sighed. "Dean Rivers is such a pain in the guts ..."
"Chase, you can't denounce Vince!" Logan tried to talk some reason into
his roomie.
"But he's a mean cheater." Chase sighed.
"And so?" Michael squealed. "We've trained hard for the play-offs. If
Vince gets caught cheating, all of our efforts will be for naught."
"Everyone will hate you!" Logan added. "The football team, and its fans,
which is the whole school!"
"Who wants to be friend with a traitor?" Michael skreeched.
23

Chase was thoroughly disappointed by his room-mates. Wasn't there a way
to trick the mean cheater into betraying himself?
Stacey bounded in, this time without a cotton swab sculpture. "Look, I've
bought new Vince Blake t-shirts! He's the greatest!"
Michael and Logan agreed, while Chase stuffed his ears.
"Have you already tasted the new snack from the vendor machines? It is
delicious! I can't have enough of it!" Stacey swooned in delight.
Logan took a half-eaten moon bar from Stacey's hand and swallowed it in
one piece. "You're right, it's superb!"
Stacey weeped piteously. "Aw my moonbar ... gone!"
"Hi Lola!" The football star talked seductively to the aspirinng actress.
"Wanna make out now, doll? In some dark corner ... Then you may report
about the best kissing boy of the whole school!"
"Sure!" Lola replied, smiling brightly. "I admire how you do that ...
you're training every day, have all the girls, and in most of the tests
you get an A+."
"Aw that isn't hard. One just needs the right friend to do your class
work. Being a star and spending bucks from the many awards helps a
lot."Vince beamed brightly.
The video was halted.
"Do you believe it now, Sir??" Chase Matthews asked Dean Rivers.
Rivers choked. "It looks like I ought to believe you ... it's scandalous,
and we'll lose the championship, but I have to help our school maintain
its high standards!" He sighed deepley. "Beverly, call Mr. Vincent Blake
into my office! ... Mr. Matthews, you may go now." He wiped sweat from
his face. It was the hardest task he ever had to perform.
On the way out, Chase highfived Megan Parker. "Your infrasight microcam
was great!"
Megan smiled astutely.
Coach Keller had gathered his team before the decisive battle.
"PCA Sports News, this is Jeremiah Trottman." The quick reporter was
rigged and ready for the broadcast of the battle. "some last interview
before the match ... Coach Keller, how do you see your chances for the
24

link to page 26 last match after the expulsion of Vincent Blake?"
"Less than a snowball's chance in hell. And now I'll get a sushi!" Keller
walked away instead of watching the match like a true coach.
"Logan Reese, you're the new captain. What do you ..." Jeremiah asked
Logan.
"If I should ever catch the guy who backstabbed Vince, being the captain
of a loser team is no cool at all!" Logan moaned.
"Yeah, man!" Michael agreed.
"Who will replace Vince today?" Trottman wanted to know.
Logan shrugged cluelessly.
A door was kicked open. And along came : Dana Cruz in complete football
equipment, rigged and ready for the match. "Logan?!" She asked in dismay
when she figured who was the captain.
Logan was equally dismayed. "Dana?!"
Lola dropped her microphone. "That's the infamous Dana Cruz?"
"You traitor!" A girl in Dustin's age yelled angrily at Lola. "You have
betrayed my brother!"
"Ashley!" Lola shouted, filled with dismay. "I swear that ..."
Tweenie actress Ashley Blake[28] was Lola's main rival in the Hollywood
business.
"Two minutes left to play!" Trottman announced. "What is going on there?
A discussion between Cruz and Reese ... she kicks his feet, takes the
ball and runs ahead ... and runs ... and ... touchdown! PCA is in the
lead!"
The audience cheered manically for Super-Dana.
"Game Over!" Trottman cheered. "We are the champions! And it's down to
Vince Blake's sub Dana Cruz!"
"I told you that the football team was better off without Vince Jerk!"
Megan told Chase. "Now he'll be buried in the past forever!"
Zoey nodded. "Yeah ... except probably ..."
They watched Ashley's angry face.
25

link to page 26 link to page 25 link to page 26 "OK, I'll blow some tune for the team!" Megan announced. She unpacked her
oboe. "I hope they did not forget to fetch Nevel's piano."
Zoey, Moze, and Chase celebrated, listening to Megan and Nevel playing
Sweet Victory.[29]
"A few things never change..."Zoey remark when she pointed at Logan and
Dana standing face to face as they had used to do two years ago.
Quinn bounded in. "Zoey! We're out of Guadalapexos!"
"And so?" Zoey shrugged.
"Their aloe makes you addicted, People will go crazy now ..." Quinn
explained, shocking the audience.
Lola bounded in. "Finally those moonbars are sold out ... I want my
doodlecakes back! If I ever catch the villain who had replaced them with
moon bars, I ..."
[28] from Drake & Josh : Little Diva
[29] from some episode of Spongebob Squarepants - which I don't own either
Quinn's Darkest Moment
"Wow!" Michael was astonished because Logan wore his finest tuxedo.
"The Silver Hammers are looking for new members. It's a society for the
winners. Thus losers may learn that they are out."Logan beamed.
Chase shook his head. "I hate elitary societies!"
"Oh, there is one of the Hammer Elders ..." Logan chuckled. He gave a
small box to the hammer guy, trying to bribe him. Too bad, he was turned
down in no time. "Aw, you ..." Logan was angry.
Lola beamed. "I've heard that many star actors are hammers. I guess some
of them are good kissers."
"Aw, too bad they only knock boys!" Logan taunted Lola mercilessly.
Lola sobbed piteously.
"Lola Martinez!" Suddenly, a masked guy stepped up next to Lola, swinging
a silver hammer gently at Lola's head. He placed a small box winto Lola's
right hand.
Quinn's Darkest Moment
26

"Whoah!" Lola squealed. "I'm a Hammer! I'm a Hammer!" She bounced
merrily.
Along came Zoey. "You won't guess it, guys!"
Chase wondered.
"I'm a hammer! That's great because Harvard prefers Hammers! Now that
Josh helped me getting back to B in Chemistry ..." Zoey smiled. "And some
jerk told me that girls don't even get knocked."
A few seconds later, a Hammer showed up next to Chase.
"And me?" Logan complained because he had not yet been knocked. "I'm the
most elitary of the elitary ones!" Alas, his complaints like silent dew
drops fell.
"I don't want your stinky sticker!" Chase yelled with disgust. "Elitary
societies are abominable!"
"Too bad Vince isn't around any longer!" Lola sobbed. "He'd sure make it
into the Hammer society."
Chase shrugged. "I don't want that crap ..." He rendered his sticker unto
Logan. "You may have it!"
Also Michael received a knock from a Hammer.
"Michael, if you love me, you don't accept that stupid junk!" Chase
boomed at Michael
Michael couldn't help following Chase's order. He flang the sticker into
the next waste paper basket.
Chase smiled.
Zoey and Lola were a bit sad as they were now on their own.
Quinn returned to her dorm where Mark had been waiting for her. Mary
Ferry and Lisa Zemo were there, too. "Hi Mark!"
"Hi Quinn!" Mark replied with a tormented voice.
Quinn had encountered a girl that she knew from her past, some Sarah. She
was apparently embarassed, but she tried to hide it.
Suddenly, forementioned Sarah entered the room. "Sorry, I'm looking for
117 Butler Hall ..."
Mark stood up. "I may show you. It is ..."
27

Quinn was upset. She pulled Mark's elbow and made him stumble and slip.
"Don't talk to that girl! Never again!" Her voice was intimidating.
Fortunately, Quinn, like Mary Ferry, had just followed Lisa Zemo's
suggestion and got her old-fashioned spectacles with heavy frames
replaced with contact glasses. This made it harder for Sarah to recognise
her.
Mary Ferry offered to guide Sarah into her new dorm.
Mark had to go to the lounge as he had an apointment at the pool table
with Chase and some other friends.
Lisa Zemo wondered. "You don't have to fear, Quinn. Mark isn't exactly
Sarah's type of boy."
Quinn almost had to laugh. Did Lisa think that Quinn was jealous? No,
that wasn't the reason why she didn't want Mark to talk to Sarah. Hey,
but maybe that was a good cover for the real reason. Quinn had to ponder
a bit. But if even Lisa disbelieved it, feint jealousy was beyond any
credibility.
"OK, Lisa, I'll tell you ... this Sarah ..." Quinn breathed heavily.
"Well, I've started dreaming of revolutioning the world of science when I
was in second grade. Rather, I could convince my parents that this was my
goal. Before that, they had tried to get me into the broadway business.
Thus they made me practising rhythmic gymnastics."
Lisa nodded. "You still like rope jumping and stuff like that."
Quinn agreed. "That's true. I've also started hula hoop dancing, but it's
just a side hobby. Also, it serves me to demonstrate certain laws of
physics."
Lisa concluded. "Is Sarah a gymnastic professional?"
Quinn shrugged. "Maybe, but we competed in a contest when we were at
kindergarten. And I don't want Mark to know that I haven't always been
where I am by now. It would be totally embarassing, and he would never
kiss me."
Lisa shrugged. "Are you sure? I don't mind. That was then, and this is
now!"
Quinn hoped that Lisa was right. "Still, I wish that I could bury this
embarassing past forever."
Lisa sighed. "As long as you hide it from Mark, there will always be the
chance that he stumbles upon your past."
Quinn sobbed. "Why, oh why ..."
28

Mary Ferry bounded in. "Sarah is such a pest ... OK, let's continue with
your experiment with those coloured test tubes!"
Quinn smiled. "Mary, I have to tell you something ... I haven't always
been a geek girl."
Mary Ferry shrugged. "Not a problem."
This gave Quinn the power to fess up to Mark whenever she was going to
see him again.
Zoey and Moze returned to their dorm.
"Hi Hammers!" Addie and Chase greeted them unison.
"Chase! What are you doing here?" Zoey wondered.
"I've been practising a new song with Addie." Chase pointed at his
guitar.
"We're progressing fast!" Addie smiled.
"Whatever!" Zoey shrugged helplessly.
"Those Hammers are so ..." Moze smiled. "Anyways, I've decided not to
apply for them."
Chase pondered. "Haven't you already been knocked?"
"I know ... but that's only the first step." Moze reported. "During the
next week, the fresh initiates have to perform disgusting taskes."
Zoey nodded. "I have to feed the senior members!" She saw Chase close to
throwing up. "Lola has to shave them ... averywhere!"
This was too much for Chase to handle. "Sorry ..." He walked to the
toilets.
"They wanted me to pick their teeth!" Moze shuddered with profound
disgust. "But not with me!"
Chase and Addie chuckled.
Chase returned, his stomach being empty. "What about Logan?"
Moze chuckled. "He wore a bushy wig ... too bad nobody believed him."
Zoey beamed. "Now that you have already puked ... your task would have
been washing the senior members ... from head to toe!"
29

link to page 33 Chase was really lucky that he hadn't got anything left inhis stomach to
puke.
"Logan is now founding his own elitary club, the Loganites!" Zoey shook
her head. "This jerk never gives up!"
"Those elitary clubs aren't for me!" Addie admitted. "It reminds me of my
worst enemies from middle school, Maris Bingham, Cranberry, and Patti
Perez[30]They are total snobs. I couldn't be myself if I tried to get
along with them."
Chase nodded. "You're so right, Addie." He pecked her temples slightly.
"Oops! Sorry!"
Addie blushed. "It's OK, Chase!"
Zoey started feeling guilty because she was still trying to get into the
Hammers' society.
A few pupils and staff members had gathered in Chase's dorm.
Logan smiled. "OK, today, you're going to join the new most elitary
society represented at our school, the Loganites!"
The audience grinned.
"But you first have to pass a test in order to get accepted into this
exclusive club."Logan announced seriously.
Mark, one of the pupils listening to Logan, wondered: "What do we have to
do?"
Logan nodded. "You have to walk across the campus, dressed in
undergarments only!"
The audience gasped.
"Chase! Do you want to be the first?"Logan asked.
"I don't want to be in your club!"Chase replied.
"So ... why are you here?"Logan scoffed at Chase.
"It's my dorm, do you remember?"Chase replied.
Logan shrugged silently.
"My panties have got brown stains!" Mark del Figgalo objected.
Chase invited the pupils to a pool tournament over in the lounge.
30

link to page 33 The only people left with Logan were Stacey Dillsen, custodian Bandel and
two honour scholars named Craig Ramirez and Eric Blonowitz.[31]
Logan had to throw up when he saw Stacey in her bikini.
"Hi Logan! I've bought this bikini just for you." Stacey squealed.
"May I keep my spectacles while crossing the campus?" Eric asked Logan.
After pondering for several minutes, Logan replied. "OK, Craig!"
Blonowitz protested: "Eric! My name is Eric!"
The custodian asked: "Where may we keep our garments?"
Logan was dismayed. His new exclusive club was finally left with nothing
but two freaks of the worst sort, the custodian, and an obnoxious girl
with a lisp and an obession for cotton swabs and white clue.
Lola and Zoey returned to their lounge.
"Hi girls!" Michael smiled. "You're now fully ordained Hammers, right?"
Zoey shook her head. "After days of excuciating humiliations, the elders
announced that all of us might be accepted, but the rules say that one of
us had to be turned down."
"Who?"Michael wanted to know.
Lola shrugged. "We should have chosen one."
"I don't want to decide against one of my friends!" Zoey declared. "Thus
I've left the assembly and returned the sticker."
Lola nodded. "I followed Zoey's example."
"Brave girls!" Moze smiled. "Too bad you didn't know that before the
humiliating taskes."
"I should have listened to you!" Zoey admitted.
"So ... all the other initiates got accepted automatically, as you have
declined?" Michael asked.
Zoey shrugged. "As far as I know, they decided to follow my example."
Michael beamed. "So it was good that you had made it so far. Otherwise
nobody would have dared to stand up against that insane rule."
31

"Probaly!" Lola nodded. "I wouldn't have declined without Zoey's shining
example."
"Now the Hammers are a dying society, left without a fresh member!" Zoey
beamed.
"What happened to Logan's club?" Moze wanted to know.
Logan bounded in, bouncing happily. "Yeah! I'm a Hammer! No more
Loganites!"
"They must have been really desperate ..." Zoey concluded.
Dustin bounded in. "Zoey! I've seen Stacey Dillsen crossing the campus in
a bikini, and ... I couldn't hold my lunch, it's distributed all over the
main aisle."
"Stacey in a bikini?" Zoey gasped. She kissed Dustin on the top of his
head. "Aw, you must have suffered painfully from seeing that."
"Everyone did, look at the campus! And where is the custodian if one
needs him?" Dustin pouted. "All I found was an old man in undergarments!"
Zoey comforted Dustin. "Someone must clean up the mess. I wish that Logan
had to do that!"
Quinn had ordered Mark into her dorm. "Mark, I have to confess something.
Do you remember Sarah?"
Mark nodded. "She's not my type ..."
"Aw, I know, sweetie ..." Quinn admitted. "There's another reason why I
did not want you to talk to her."
"What reason?" Mark pretended curiosity.
"See, Sarah knows me from kindergarten. We've participated in the state
beauty fair." Quinn sighed when she activated her DVD recorder, showing
Mark some pictures.
Mark stood up and sang along to the rhythm. "Wow!"
Quinn was totally anxious. Now he would certainly want to dump her for
her black history.
"Quinn! may you do that again? Dance for me?" Mark beamed.
Quinn choked. She had been working on her intellectual superiority for
almost 10 years, and now Mark wanted her to fall back into some infantile
state? Quinn floundered with her conscience. "No, sweetie, I can't. That
32

link to page 30 link to page 31 was then, and this is now."
Mark pouted with total dismay. "Quinn! I hate you for your cerebral
superiority complex!" He went out through the door and shut it
clamorously. "I'm so done with you!"
Quinn started sobbing for many minutes, until Lisa Zemo bounded in.
After listening carefully to Quinn, Lisa concluded: "He is probably not
worthy of you!" She comforted Quinn. "There will be boys who appreciate
your intellectual superiority quest!"
"I hope so!" Quinn sighed.
[30] all of them from Unfabulous
[31] from Drake & Josh
Open MIC Night
Michael Barret returned from classes.
Chase and Logan kept playing stupid video games.
"You've been playing these games since ..." Michael wondered.
Chase and Logan shrugged. "And so?" They went unison. "Hey, what happened
to your trousers?"
Michael sighed. "These things always happen when I see Lisa Perkins ...
suddenly, the ,zipper became attached to Zoey's motor bike which I had
borrowed in order to be faster with Lisa."
Chase and Logan laughed heartily.
"You're so mean!" Michael moaned.
"And you're so stupid!" Logan replied. "Girls don't want losers like you!
You need to impress Lisa!"
"As if your advices were worth a dime ..." Chase mumbled.
"Hey! Who is the leading rake at this school?" Logan punched Chase's
shoulder.
Michael scratched his head. "Drake Parker?"
Open MIC Night
33

Logan stood up and shook his head. "He may dream so, but , actually, it's
me! That's why I'm going to win that bet, and Drake will humiliate
himself by crossing the campus in a gown!"
Chase shrugged. "But I'm the champion of this video game! Look at these
stats!"
Logan laughed. "Girls don't go for freaks who rock at video games. Now,
if it were a real car race, ... but there, you wouldn't stand a chance
against me!"
Chase shrugged. "We'll see!"
"Let's get a mini-car each, and then we'll race the campus!" Logan
boasted. "You will get obliterated in no time! Stakes are the same: A
gown for the loser!"
"OK!" Chase shrugged.
"Are you insane?" Michael asked Chase. "Logan will buy a mini-car for a
gazillion, and you will lose badly with your hand-made car."
Logan grinned sadistically. "Damn right, Barret!"
Zoey Brooks bounded in, laughing insanely.
"Now everyone laughs about my trousers and my crush on Lisa!" Michael
sobbed.
Zoey shook her head. "I'm laughing about Stacey Dillsen. She hurt her
butt during Yoga lessons ..."
Michael, Chase, and Logan chimed in.
"OK, Michael, if you want to impress Lisa ..." Zoey pondered,
"participate again in the Open MIC Night, it's cool, and Lisa loves
music."
Michael shrugged. "OK, if you say so ..."
Zoey smiled.
"But, please, dissuade this fool from his bet with Logan!" Michael begged
Zoey. "They want to compete in a car race!"
Zoey was shocked. "Don't do that, Chase! It's gangerous and hopeless!"
"Can't Quinn tune me a mini-car?" Chase asked. "Dustin said that Quinn
may even repair planes, didn't he?"
Open MIC Night
34

Zoey nodded, "True, but ... don't you remember that Dustin had almost
decapitated Dean Rivers ... with a model plane repaired by Quinn? She's
insane!"
Chase shrugged. "Dustin never mentions that ..."
"You don't have to remind me! Dustin was close to detention ..." Zoey
sighed. "He's more and more like Trish Kirby, that bad girl who ..."
Chase shrugged.
"Quinn recruited more power by disabling the steering mechanism." Zoey
explained. "Do you want to endanger your own life and that of many other
pupils with such an insanity?"
Chase hang his head in shame. "OK, I cancel the bet!"
Logan boomed sadistically: "Coward! OK, the gown is yours!"
Zoey shook her head. Logan was going to be so sorry for tricking Chase
into some silly bet.
"PCA Entertainment Channel. This is Jeremiah Trottman. We're reporting
about the annual PCA Open MIC Night." Jeremiah boomed.
The audience applauded, expecting great artists and performances.
"Our co-commentator is, once more, Lola Martinez!" Jeremiah moaned with a
subtle disgust. "OK, Lola, who is our first artist?"
"Oh, it's Michael Barret, a great entertainer. He loves potato snacks and
..." Lola announced when Michael entered the stage.
"Hi fans! I'm singing you a new song, based on a poem by Chase Matthews
and Addie Singer." Michael announced. "This year, my little brother
Harper is going to accompany me!"
Lola smiled. "The stage is yours!"
Michael smiled.
Harper strummed his guitar.
Michael started singing. But then ... who was that in the front row?
Right, Lisa Perkins, his major crush! Michael tried to concentrate on the
song and the sound of Harper's guitar ...
Lisa wondered what was going on. She heard Michael stammering like an
idiot. "What a jerk!" she thundered.
35

Michael's vegetative nerves were dystoned, and his stomach cramped. The
content of the latter poured down on Lisa's pradas. Michael was so
dismayed, he ran away from the stage.
"Michael! Come back! We're not done!" Harper yelled at the top of his
lungs. But he saw that it was useless.
Lola was totally shocked. "Sorry ... Michael probably needs his hair cut
and shampooed ..."
Harper tore Stacey's scarf from her throat and used it in order to wipe
the vomit from Lisa's shoes. "Sorry for my brother!"
Lisa sighed. "No problem! It's not your fault, anyways."
Stacey screamed piteously when she recognised what Harper was using her
scarf for. But she was lucky that Michael's hot, stinky stream had not
hit her cotton swabs. She'd have died horribly if that had happened.
Jeremiah Trottman had no clue how to continue the show.
"Do you want to continue singing with me?" Harper offered unto Lisa. "I
know that you have applied for Pacific Idol with Randy Jackson. Your
voice must be very good. And Randy is likely to watch a video of this
event."
Lisa shrugged. "Why not?"
Lola heard their conversation. "I have no idea where Michael has gone to,
but ... Lisa Perkins will continue this number, along with Harper
Barret!"
The audience applauded. The performance by Harper and Lisa was like from
another world. Michael's attempts were downright dilettantic. He was a
good composer, but a poor excuse of a pop singer.
Zoey hang her head in shame. Her well-meant suggestion had backfired, and
Michael was probably never going to forgive her that grave mistake.
Lisa and Harper harvested applause without a trace of an end. There was
no way someone like Randy Jackson was going not to be impressed by their
performance which was classes above the dilettantic attempt of Michael
Barret.
Lola thanked Lisa and Harper. "OK, our next number is ..."
"Jake Crandle!" Jeremiah Trottman sighed. His co-commentator was such an
annoyance. Alas, she looked so hot, PCA News would have gone belly up if
they had dismissed her. "Lola, stats about Jake!"
36

link to page 40 link to page 40 "Jake's hair is blond by nature, he's totally hot, he's probably a good
kisser!" Lola remarked. "He should try a new shampoo, I suggest ..."
Trottman stomped his feet noisily. Lola's style made his guts revolt.
Jake Crandle [32] strummed his guitar and sang a new song, dedicated to
his grandma. His performance was great, but he sang terribly.
Lola's ears hurt. "Hi Jake!" Lola stepped up to the blond rake. "You're
such a hottie. Too bad your voice doesn't reflect that."
Jake nodded. "I have to work on that ... hi grandma!" He waved into the
cam.
"May I test something else?" Lola asked Jake.
"Sure!" Jake replied, smiling.
Lola grabbed Jake and pulled him into a passionate kiss. "Not bad ...
really!" Lola smiled happily.
The audience gasped.
Ashley Blake boiled jealously when she saw Lola smooch with the blond
rake.
Jeremiah intervened. "We've got one more artist ... a real professional
... it's ... Drake Parker!"
While Jeremiah struggled with his micro, Ashley stormed the stage and
simply grabbed Jake and pried him loose from Lola. "You're mine now!" the
diva declared arrogantly.
Lola was shocked. Her archrival Ashley had been downright audacious. How
could she dare to grab Jake and make out with him, right in front of
Lola's nose?
Jake shrugged helplessly. He left the stage, holding hands with Ashley.
He felt flattered because Ashley was his favourite actress, and he wanted
to be as famous as her.
Drake Parker entered the stage, accompanied by his drummer Neil.[33]
Lola beamed. She remembered that she had announced to make out with him
during her interview with Vince Blake and Logan. "Hi Drake!" Lola played
with her lips.
"Sorry, may we wait until after the performance?" Drake begged Lola. It
was for Neil's sake. Usually, Drake wouldn't have hesitated a single
moment kissing a girl as hot as Lola.
37

link to page 40 link to page 40 Lola nodded.
Drake started to sing [34].
Where did you go when I arrived
What was that look, saw in your eyes
Nothing is what it appears
I'm a bit more refined in my recent years
The audience clapped and sang along. This even beat the performance of
Harper and Lisa. The most surprising fact was that Drake had only got the
backup from his drummer boy Neil. The rest of his band was absent.
It's only time
until you find out
Lola's heart was melting away when she listened closely to the uttermost
sexy male voice she had ever heard.
Drake had written that song about his ex-girlfriend. But things had
chnaged fast when Lola returned by his side. He couldn't wait another
moment and grabbed her for a lingering passionate kiss.
It was now quite obvious who was the best kisser ever: Drake Parker.
Drake grabbed Lola and carried her away from the stage, singing Makes Me
Happy[35]. Lola smiled and purred ecstatically.
Jeremiah Trottman was left alone without a co-moderator.
Juanita Martinez had grabbed Michael, and she dragged him out on the
campus. "You really shouldn't hide in a wardrobe."
Michael had gone there after scaring Lisa. He had started to play his
flute. Juanita had come along and liked the sound of the flute, whereupon
she found Michael in the wardrobe.
"But I'm so sad!" Michael screamed. "I've scared Lisa, and now she's
probably going to date my little brother. That sucks so much!"
"It's full moon!" Juanita stated. "The perfect time for an open-air flute
performance. I'll sing along!"
Michael shrugged when he unpacked his flute. He followed Juanita to some
silent place somewhere out on the campus.
"Hi Michael, Juju!" Megan greeted both of them. "Too bad Nevel can't push
the old piano out here. But we'll make a little concert."
38

link to page 40 Nevel showed up. "The moonshine serenade!" Everyone agreed. "I'm going to
conduct!"
Michael's command of the flute was perfect. He started forgetting about
Lisa who just wasn't worth it.
Along came Olivary Biallo[36]. "Aw Michael!" He squealed ecstatically.
Michael was dismayed, but ... "Olivary, what the ..."
"The moonshine, music, you ..." Olivary squealed joyfully. "That's what I
call perfect!" Olivary grabbed Michael for a dance.
Suddenly, after all the sadness, Michael had found his happiness again.
He was going to dance with Olivary until dawn.
Megan and Juanita smiled merrily.
Dustin stepped up to Megan and Nevel. "Chase had that bet with Logan ...
now he retired because the bet was insane, and he has to cross the
campus, dressed in a girl's gown. What to do? He's supposed to do that
tomorrow."
Nevel's friend Tyler shrugged. "I don't have the foggiest idea."
Megan scratched her head. "Yeah, that's it ... the foggiest idea!"
Chase had donned a gown that he had borrowed from Zoey.
Logan dragged himout of the dorm hall. "Hey, what's that?" Logan
stammered.
The campus was covered by a dense mist rolling in from the dunes. Nobody
was able to see that Chase was wearing a girl's gown.
Logan banged his head against the wall while Chase crossed the campus,
whistling merrily.
Megan and Dustin chuckled.
"The artificial fog was a great idea!" Dustin complimented Megan.
"Nevel and Tyler have borrowed a portable mistmaker from Quinn's arsenal,
so it was no greater problem." Megan squealed joyfully.
Dustin highfived Megan.
"And I told you that Logan is going to rue the day! Until the days of
dystopia ..." Nevel boomed.
39

link to page 37 link to page 37 link to page 38 link to page 38 link to page 39 Megan, Tyler, and Dustin agreed wholeheartedly with Nevel.
[32] from Unfabulous : iLike Jake
[33] from Drake & Josh : Megan's New Teacher
[34] It's Only Time by Drake Bell which I don't own
[35] by Drake Bell
[36] from School Dance
Who May Stop Chuck Javers?
Zoey had been selected into the PCA Wrestling team. Alas, she wasn't
happy. She hadn't had a single wrestling match, but she was bound to
meeting her doom.
The name of doom was Chuck Javers. He was not heavier than Zoey, but he
was taller and full of muscles.
"Here are the videos from last year's tournament!" Quinn announced.
"There he is, Chuck Javers ... the untamable wild beast!"
"Oh My God!" Zoey's breath froze. "That's not a boy, that's a monster.
How may I stand a chance against that Kongzilla?"
They watched how Javers had hit the cam that recorded the wrestling
match.
"What happened to the tech guy?" Zoey wondered.
"I guess he's still in hospital." Quinn shrugged. "OK, Zoey, the most
important thing: Girls are more agile. You need to study his weaknesses
and ..."
Zoey glared at Quinn in a way that did not express pure pleasure.
Lola swooned. "What a guy! I mean, nowhere near like Drake, but a really
manly man. I guess he's an OK kisser at least."
"He's totally cute!" Nicole remarked. "May I marry him? Tell me that he
is downright cute!"
Zoey shook her head. "If you marry him, you will wake up every morning
with everything bruised and broken. That I may guarantee unto you!"
Who May Stop Chuck Javers?
40

link to page 46 "Ouch!" Nicole shut up.
"But he needs a hair fix!" Lola announced. "Oh, did I lready tell you
that I'll be the co-molester of the wrestling finals, here at the PCA?"
Zoey's ears hurt.
Megan Parker entered the room. "OK, I've read the rules. If a wrestler is
injured ... he may be substituted by a team mate. So ... feign an injury,
and then it's Scotty's task to finish what you've started."
Zoey scratched her head. "Hey, maybe that is what the coach is up to.
Make me fight a few turns, feign an injury. Scotty will be all fresh
against Javers."
"Cool!" Michael squealed.
"No way!" Zoey boomed. "I will face my destiny, no matter what. I'm not a
coward!"
Megan applauded for Zoey.
Dustin wasn't that enthusiastic. He grabbed Zoey, clinging tightly to
her. "No, you can't do that. The beast willl kill you!" Dustin started
weeping.
Megan shrugged.
Chase wondered how the coach may be sure that Zoey will even get that
far, against all those bully jocks.
Zoey stared oddly at Chase.
"That's easy!" Megan whistled innocently.
"You're up to some prank, aren't you?" Zoey asked Megan.
"This won't be necessary!" Megan chuckled. "Most wrestling oxen are
incredible jerks. They will refuse fighting against a girl. If they win,
they will be branded as bad guys. If they lose, they'll be branded
weaklings. Ask Logan whether he wants to wrestle against you ..."
"You're right ..." Zoey sighed. "It sucks not being taken serious! And
the coach is the worst of all. He believes that aliens prevent the moon
from dropping down to the earth!"
"That beats Drake!" Megan laughed hysterically.
Logan bounded in, followed by Duke Blatzberg[37]. "A new message from
Chuck Javers!"
Who May Stop Chuck Javers?
41

"What message?" Chase looked puzzled.
"Chavers challenges the whole PCA wrestling team. He claims that he may
knowck out the whole team within the duration of a standard wrestling
match, one by one!" Logan explained.
Dustin was still afraid. "Zoey, you can't, If you die, who will wipe my
bed every other hour when I'm sick and have to vomit?"
Zoey sighed. "Sometimes a girl has to do what a girl has to do. If Javers
kills me, tell mom and dad that I've loved them."
Dustin weeped bitterly.
"Chase will take care of you, promised!" Zoey told Dustin, making him
sigh in relief when she kissed him on the top of his head.
Chase wasn't glad about Zoey's promise.
"PCA Sports Channel. This is Jeremiah Trottman. Today, we are witnesses
of one of the greatest challenges in the history of wrestling: Chuck
Javers, undefeated wrestling champion, has announced to take on the whole
wrestling team of the PCA within the duration of a single standard
wrestling match! This amounts to six minutes." Jeremiah breathed deeply.
"Color commentator is once more Lola Martinez!" He coughed and choked.
"Hi, I'm Lola, as you should know by now ..." Lola smiled sweetly. "Here
I am with our wrestling coach. Sir, what do you think? Will Javers stand
a chance against our team?"
The coach shook his head. "Erm? Over all the mountains, up to the moon!"
Lola shrugged. Did that make sense? Well, already Zoey had said that the
coach was gaga. She was obviously right.
"OK, this is Chuck Javers. Lola, the stats!" Trottman yelled.
"What a manly man!" Lola squealed. "But his hair sucks!"
"I'll jump from the Golden Bay Bridge!" Trottman swore.
Nicole saw Chuck. "Wow! You're cute! May I feel your manly muscles,
please?" Nicole begged like a wounded puppy.
"Get out of my way, you silly bimbo!" Javers thundered. He grabbed
Nicole's collar and flang her 10 yards back.
Nicole screamed in agony.
"Don't treat Nicole like this!" Chase protested.
42

link to page 46 link to page 46 Javers took Chase's bottle of blix, emptied it in one swipe, and flang
the bottle against Chase's nose, making it bleed.
Chase whimpered painfully.
"Who is Chuck's first opponent?" Trottman asked.
Lola announced: "According to my list, it's Zoey Brooks!"
Zoey entered the ring. Dustin had tried to stop her until the very last
moment. But deep inside he was very proud of his sister.
Megan took her oboe and made Juanita sing along.
Torador en garde! Toréador! Toréador![38]
"So you don't refuse to fight girls? Most of your cowardly colleagues
would do so." Zoey asked her ferocious opponent.
"No, I'm going to hurt you all the same way!" Javers promised.
"That's very progressive!" Zoey smiled sarcastically.
The umpire blew the whistle, starting the mortal combat.
Zoey didn't get far.
After less than a second, Javers grabbed her waist and slammed her head
over heels into the floor.
Stacey Dillsen beamed brightly. "What a hot guy! Chuck! Chuck! Chuck!
Maybe, some day I will be Mrs. Stacey Javers!"
Stacey's skreechy lisp was too much for Chuck to tolerate. He yelled at
Stacey: "Shut up, you scum!" Then he punched Stacey's cotton swab model
of the PCA arena, making it burst into smithereens.
Stacey whimpered painfully. Her scream went trembling through the arena,
causing several microphones to screw up.
Dustin didn't notice what Javers had done to Stacey. He just cared about
his sister. "Zoey, are you alive? Zoey! Zoey!"
Alas, Zoey wasn't able to talk. She had passed out when her head hit the
ground.
Dr. Birnbaum[39] , the new medic of the PCA, entered the ring and ordered
Zoey to be taken away to the nurse's station.
Lola was shocked. "How could he do that to Zoey?"
43

Trottman shrugged. "Five seconds have passed. The next opponent for
Javers is Scotty! This is the regular PCA wrestler of Chuck's class."
Lola told even more nonsense.
Scotty could hold on for a bit longer, but after a total of 25 seconds,
he broke down, too.
Javers yelled insanely, just like a true kongzilla. Then he insulted the
PCA again.
"So who's the next to dare to challenge the invincible champion?"
Jeremiah Trottman asked.
According to Lola's list, it was Logan Reese.
"How can you do that?" Logan asked. "Now I'll show you who's the biggest
jock in California! Watch and learn!" He chuckled. "Although, I doubt
that you will be able to watch anything anymore when I'm done with you!"
Logan grinned hysterically.
For naught, as Chuck grabbed Logan, slapped him brutally all over the
body, and slammed him thrice to the ground, breaking several ribs.
Once again, Dr. Birnbaum had to call the carrier boys.
"If only we had Vince Blake," Jeremiah Trottman moaned.
Ashley Blake appeared. "My brother would have flattened Chuck in no time,
beyond any doubt! But some unfaithful lass had to backstab him without a
trace of remorse!" She eyed Lola angrily. "I swear that she'll be so
sorry for that!"
"It wasn't my fault!" Lola swore.
"Oh sure! Too bad nobody will believe you!" Ashley slapped Lola.
"Keep it elsewhere!" Jeremiah begged Lola and Ashley who had started
their own, private wrestling match. Alas, his words fell like feathers.
Duke Blatzberg was the next insaner who tried to defend the honour of the
PCA. "My socks stink worse than yours!" He boasted when he faced Chuck
Javers. "Do you want to sniff at them? Lick them?" Blatzberg chuckled
merrily.
"You may lick your stinky guts after I've spread them across the floor!"
Chuck yelled at Blatzberg.
Duke sweated more than a pack of hogs. Alas, this was in vain, for -
after all - he was downright unable to stop the wrestling legend.
44

link to page 46 link to page 46 link to page 46 link to page 46 Aftyer a few seconds, Blatzberg was yet another safe case for Dr.
Birnbaum's collection. Chuck Javers had grabbed him and squished like a
ripe tomato.
Twenty seconds to go. Chuck Javers yelled: "PCA, I'm going to break you
into pieces! Nonbody daring to stop me?" He looked around. The faces of
the audience were all scared. Many could not help looking for a safe
subterfuge, their urge to leave the dangerous arena grew form second to
second. "OK, I'll beat three of you worthless scums at the same time. You
have already said your last prayers, haven't you?"
Only two PCA pupils still dared to oppose Chuck Javers.
"Let's look whom we've got ..." Jeremiah Trottman wondered. He had to do
all the moderation because Lola got kicked out by security when she
refused to stop wrestling with Ashley. "Dana Cruz, who has already saved
the PCA Football Squad ... will she also save the wrestling team?" He
breathed deeply. "And then we have Body Slam Bubba ... is that even a
name?"
Dana and Body Slam Bubba[40] entered the ring.
"Nobody but me is allowed to break Logan's bones!" Dana screamed at
Chuck.
Javers insulted both Dana and Bubba.
Then the last seconds came along. For one moment, Javers seemed
distracted. Bodyslam Bubba actually achieved slamming him across the
ring, right into Dana's strong arms. Like a trebuchet, Dana flung Javers
out of the ring. The legend was defeated. Dana highfived Body SlamBubba.
But what had distracted the champion?
"Hi sis!" a guy with a rubber tape [41] smiled at Dana who glared back at
her little brother. "Thanks, Diego!" She whispered, unnoticed by anyone.
Chuck was nursed by his sister Stephanie[42], who happened to be the
ex-girlfriend of Jake Crandle, and by his girlfriend Trisha Kirby.[43]
Dustin didn't budge from Zoey's side until she woke up in the nurse's
station.
"Where am I? Have I won?" Zoey wondered. her thoughts were still
confused.
Dustin shook his head. "You have to be lucky to have survived. However,
Dana and some Bodyslam Bubba had finally stopped Javers." He kissed Zoey
on the forehead. "I'm proud of you!"
45

link to page 41 link to page 43 link to page 43 link to page 45 link to page 45 link to page 45 link to page 45 Zoey smiled at her little brother. "Thanks, Dustin!" Then she saw Logan's
wretched body. "Oh, has he fought for my honour?" She chuckled.
Logan grinned.
Dustin shook his head. "He just wanted to prove that he's the biggest
jock. He couldn't leave that title to Javers."
Zoey nodded. "I've thought so."
Lola and Ashley entered the station, bandaged all over.
They faced Javers?"Zoey wondered."
Dustin shook his head. "They have just faced each other. That's worse."
Zoey had to puke when Dustin told her that Trisha was Chuck's girlfriend.
Dana entered the nurse's station and stepped up to Logan. "Don't think
that I like you, just because I've told Javers to keep his fingers off
you!"
"Aww Dana!" Logan whimpered in pain.
"When you're healthy again, we'll fight it out!" Dana boomed.
Logan smiled sweetly, his aching bones notwithstanding.
[37] identified with Duke from iCarly Show
[38] from Carmen by Georges Bizet. Bull fighter on guard! Bull fighter!
Bull fighter!
[39] from Drake & Josh : Helen's Surgery , unportrayed
[40] from Unfabulous
[41] taken from Drake & Josh : Megan's First Kiss
[42] from iCarly Show : iLike Jake
[43] from Bad Girl
Dancing The Macalana
Dancing The Macalana
46

Zoey's psychology class had just accomplished a class project. Each of
the pupils had senta card containing his or her darkest secret up to the
clouds, tied to a small helium balloon.
Alas. ever since, Zoey had received anonymous messages on her pearbook,
blackmailing her into doing things even more embarassing than Zoey's
secret. The current threat challenged Zoey to dance the Macalana, a
stupid song from the nineties, in the middle of the campus.
"My guess is that Rebecca is behind all the fuss ... she still hates me
because Chase broke up with her." Zoey wagered.
Addie nodded. "She's a real pest. How may a girl tell her boyfriend not
to talk to certain peopole, for no reason whatsoever? She's a pain in the
guts. Quinn Pensky or Lisa Zemo should check it."
"I've asked them already!" Zoey admitted.
"Whoever it is ..." Moze scratched her head "... this doesn't change
anything. What to do with the threat?"
Zoey shrugged. "I guess I'll leave it up to Megan ... again. She has
always got the most efficient means to counter obnoxious threats." She
started writing an SMS message unto Megan.
Moze shrugged. "Sad but true ... As much as her reckless attitude scares
me, it always works out in the end, no matter what."
Zoey nodded.
Quinn entered the room. "OK, you've guessed it right. Firewire has helped
Rebecca to send those messages. But what shall we do now?"
Megan and Dustin bounde in.
Dustin hugged Zoey. He knew her secret. "That evil bugger is so going to
rue it!"
Megan chuckled. "Just leave it all to me!"
"PCA Music Channel. This is Jeremiah Trottman. I don't know what we're
doing here, but someone said here will be a large festival circling
around the best dances of the golden nineties." Trottman shrugged. "Sad
but true, but my co-moderator is , once more , Lola Martinez." He moaned
with dismay and disgust. He couldn't stand Lola anymore, but the viewers
of PCA News insisted in her.
Lola arrived, dressed in a fluffy costume. She had always been afraid of
people in fluffy costumes, thus Zoey had suggested her to wear one on her
own. "Hi Stingrays and Stingrayettes!" Lola grinned. "At the Open MIC
47

link to page 53 link to page 53 link to page 53 Night, Drake Parker impressed us with his fabulous song: It's Only Time
Today, he's got something very special for us: A song from 1995 called
the Macalana [44]."
Rebecca choked hard.
Drake entered the stage after kissing Lola tenderly. "Hey! You already
know Neil, my drummer boy. Today, there are three new members in my band.
These are: Jake Crandle, Harper Barret, and Lisa Perkins!"
The pupils applauded joyfully while Jake, Neil, Lisa, and Harper entered
the stage.
"The first dance performed today by Drake and his band is ...The
Macalana" Lola squealed enthusiastically. "Come and dance along if you
want!"
"Aw, I love the Macalana!" Nicole screamed. Her eyes bugged out. "All the
cute boys that follow you when you sing that song ...!"
Nicholas Webber [45] appeared close to Nicole. " Hi Nicole! I love the
Macalana , too! All the cute girls that ..."
Nicole beamed brightly. Three years ago, she had successfully pretended
not to like Nicholas, but now she couldn't withhold the truth any longer.
The two of them were going to dance together during the whole evening.
Drake, Jake, and Harper strummed their guitars.
Neil beat away like nobody's business.
Lisa started singing a few lines of the song.
When I dance they call me Macalana
And the boys they say que soy buena [46]
They all want me
They can't have me
So they all come and dance beside me.
Move with me
Chant with me
And if your good I'll take you home with me
The boys started dancing on their own beside Lisa.
Megan Parker passed a note to Lola.
"Sorry, I can't dance well in this costume!" Lola sighed. "Oh, yeah, and
I may present you the new lead dancer of Drake's band. He has kept his
passion for rock and pop dances a dark secret for quite some year, but
48

link to page 53 link to page 53 now he'll show up in the public. There he is!"
"My darkest secret are the boobs!" Megan yelled, looking at Drake and
Josh with disgust.
Gibby [47], a boy in Dustin's age, stepped ahead. "OK, Dustin, would you
keep that for me? I don't need that anymore!" He removed his shirt and
rendered it unto Dustin.
Dustin nodded. "Sure, go ahead." he breathed deeply. "Zoey! It's your
turn! This is Gibby, a boy from my classes and my speller bee team. He is
going to dance the Macalana with you!" He highfived with Gibby.
Rebecca was dismayed when she saw the shirtless tweenie step up to Zoey.
Zoey shook Gibby's hand. "OK, let's unleash hell on the campus!"She swang
her hips, following Gibby's movements.
Gibby stepped on a table, followed by Zoey. Then the dance continued.
Lisa kept on singing.
Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macalana
Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria y cosa buena [48]
Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macalana
Ehhhhhhhhhh, Macalana
Lola stepped up to Zoey. "Do you want to say something?" She smiled.
Zoey nodded and took Lola's microphone. "Sure. Do you want to know what
I've done as an infant? I've been sort of a naked model for sun blocker.
Ask Dustin for a DVD if you are interested in details!"
Dustin smiled. "The first ten DVDs are gratis!" He yelled at the top of
his lungs.
Megan patted Dustin's shoulders. "Excellent!"
Rebecca exploded in anger and shame. Now Zoey had done both: Dancing the
Macalana and publishing her secret.
"I knew that Rebecca was going to rue the day!" Nevel boomed. "Until the
days of dystopia is she going to rue it!"
Dustin nodded solemnly.
Quinn bared one of her feet. "Look, I've got six toes over here!" She
exhibited her right foot. "Isn't it beautiful?"
"It stinks!" Logan remarked laconically.
49

"You stink, Jerkan Reese!" Dana boomed at Logan.
"Wow, Dana, you are really obsessed with me!" Logan beamed brightly.
Drake couldn't accept Lola's poor excuse anymore. As clumsy as she might
have appeared in her costume, he felt the uncontrollable urge to dance
with her. Thus he grabbed her and swept her across the campus.
Chase and Addie took over for Drake.
Alas, the strain was too much for Lola.
Drake and Lola floundered and slipped.
Masked Lola landed with a thud on Drake, struggling to get off him.
"Why don't you dance with me?" Stacey asked Logan. "We and my cotton
swabs could have a lot of fun!"
"Bleh"Logan scoffed at the girl before walking away. He grabbed Dana,
just in order to avoid dancing with Stacey.
Dana stomped her feet on Logan's toe, making him swoon ecstatically.
Come and find me, my name is Macalana
...
Come join me, dance with me
And you fellows chant along with me!
Lisa concluded her performance.
Everyone applauded, with the sole exception of Rebecca who banged her
head against the table.
Gibby highfived Zoey and Dustin. "Let's do that again, will we?"
Zoey smiled. "It was fun!" Then she jumped off the edge of the table.
Finally, Megan and Quinn had helped Lola out of her costume.
"Hey! I'm no longer afraid of fluffy costumes!"Lola beamed brightly.
Drake kissed Lola. "OK, now I may dress in one... just for the show."
Lola smiled and kissed Drake. "On to the next dance!"
Drake nodded and returned to his band.
Lola approached Michael Barret. "So, you have a secret to tell us?"
Michael nodded. "Yeah, this is my new darkest secret: Olivary Biallo!"
50

link to page 53 Olivary stepped up to Lola. "Yeah, that's me!"
Michael hugged him. "Oli!" Then he told Lola: "This is my boyfriend!"
The audience gasped.
Olivary smiled. "Aw Michael!"
But this was not nearly all. "And I also have got a new passion:" Michael
screamed. "I'm obsessed with the moon, I worship her!"
Olivary grabbed Michael. "Hail to the moon!"
Lola nodded. "OK, Drake, that's your turn!"
Drake took the microphone. "We're now going to perform Gealach Air An
Acairseid by Runrig! My performance is dedicated to Zoey Brooks who has
had the guts to face a mischievous threat by some ignoble person, turning
it into fun and glory."
The audience applauded.
Zoey shrugged.
Gibby removed his shirt again and jumped on the table, commanding Zoey to
join him for yet another dance.
Michael and Olivary jumped on a nearby table and started dancing.
Lisa sang along when Drake, Addie, Harper, and Chase strummed their
guitars.
Gealach air an acairseid
Ceatharnach 'na fheileadh
Te bhan, te bhuidhe bhan
Mu meadhan oidhche
[49]
Zoey felt honoured and yelled: "Thanks, PCA! That's the greatest day in
my life!"
Rebecca whimpered in agony.
Megan and Nevel grinned mischievously when they saw Rebecca's excessive
pain.
Michael and Olivary danced cheerfully.
Lisa continued singing.
51

link to page 53 Bhidh sinne 's crathadh lamh againn
Is bilean blath toirt phog
Cridhe baidheil caoimhneil
Cho tairis ris an or
An guth 's an t-seist a' glaodhaich
Far an robh mi'n raoir?
Na bliadhnaichean a' tionndadh
Briathran mor Mhicleoid[50]
For a moment, Drake neglected his tasks and grabbed Lola, pulling her
into a lingering, passionate kiss.
As usual, Addie and Chase took over for him.
Ashley envied Lola. She grabbed Jake Crandle. "I can do the same as
Lola!"She boomed, whereupon she pulled Jake into an equally passionate
kiss, making it in a way that Lola could see her.
Lisa sang along."Te bhan, te bhan, te bhuidhe bhan, te bhan, te bhan, te
bhan!"
Zoey couldn't stop dancing like crazy, accompanied by her new shirtless
friend. "Hey, that's so much fun! Too bad that Rebecca can't enjoy it!"
Dustin grinned mischievously. He removed his top and joined Gibby and
Zoey on the table. "I can do that, too!" Then he proved what he had
learnt from watching Gibby.
"OK, guys, you don't expect me to remove my top, do you?" Zoey wondered.
"Egad!" Dustin coughed and choked.
The music was gone. Zoey jumped off the table. "Thanks, guys! That was
the greatest and most fun evening I had at the PCA - ever!"
Dustin smiled.
Zoey grabbed Dustin and Gibby, kissing them on the top of their head.
Michael and Olivary did not recognise that the music was gone. They still
danced, praising the moon, while everyone else was about going home.
Zoey was going to give Gibby a piggy ride back to his dorm hall.
The shirtless dancer had been the star and hero of the evening, along
with Zoey.
The loser of the evening, in turn ...
Rebecca stood at the site that was finally empty.
52

link to page 48 link to page 48 link to page 48 link to page 49 link to page 49 link to page 51 link to page 52 Dark, heavy couds have started shadowing the moonlight.
Rebecca thought about various ways of ending her life. She couldn't
continue living with such a humiliation.
"Don't give up, Rebecca!" The voice belonged to a shadowy figure which
emerged from the shadows.
"Who are you?" startled Rebecca wondered.
"You will get to know this soon enough." The stranger grinned. "You
better live for the days when we get back at Zoey and her crappy
friends."
Rebecca sighed. "OK, I will!"
[44] spoof off Macarena by De Los Rios which I don't own
[45] cf. School Dance
[46] that I'm good
[47] from iCarly Show
[48] Give them joy with your body, Macalana, as your body is there in
order to give them joy and good stuff
[49] A Moon on the docks, a champion with a kilt: A blonde, a golden
blonde! - around midnight
[50] There will be clapping hands and soft lips to kiss. The heart of
affection and kindness, as pure as gold. A voice and a choir proclaim:
Where have I been last night? The years are coming back agian. Great
Words of McCleod.
Dustin Is Stuck
Zoey followed Dustin into the office of Dean Rivers. "What have you done
this time?"
Dustin shrugged. "Nothing. Just a little bit of trouble ..."
Vice Principal Thatcher, who was responsible for the middle school
classes, was around as well. "More than just a little bit!"
Zoey was by no means pleased to hear about this.
Dustin Is Stuck
53

link to page 60 Rivers boomed: "Dustin Brooks ... you have been caught swimming in the
campus fountain?"
Dustin nodded sadly. "Yeah, but ... my room-mates have talked me into
that. I had to ..."
Zoey tried to talk Dustin out of trouble.
Dean Rivers pondered. "OK. But don't do anything like that again!"
Zoey nodded. "You've heard it, Dustin! No more trouble!"
Dustin pouted.
Dean Rivers sighed. "If the room comrades talk you into this ... you'll
need new ones. Mrs. Burvich!"
The Dorm Secretary bounded in. "You've called me, boss?"
Dean Rivers nodded. "We need to transplant this troublemaker." He pointed
at Dustin.
Mr. Burvich looked at her list. "OK ... oh, today we have got three new
pupils from Seattle, all of them in the middle school section. One of
them is a boy, so we may group Dustin with him."
Mr. Thatcher nodded. "OK, that sounds wise. Let's hope that that new guy
has no bad influence on Mr. Brooks."
"These must be Megan's cousin and her friends." Dustin told Zoey.
Zoey nodded. "If one of the girls looks similar to Megan, this will be
the case."
Dean Rivers asked: "Are they already here?"
Mrs. Burvich shook her head. "But they should arrive any moment ..."
Beverly bounded in. "Sir! The new pupils from Seattle are here!"
"Right in time!" Rivers remarked. " Send them to me!"
Beverly nodded and went back to her desk.
A young male adult bounded in, followed by three kids. He shook the
headmaster's hand. "My name is Spencer Shay.[51]"
Dean Rivers sighed in relief. "OK, we've been waiting for you."
"She really looks a lot like Megan!" Dustin told Zoey.
Dustin Is Stuck
54

link to page 60 link to page 60 "Yeah!" Zoey nodded. "And the other girl looks a lot like Trisha Kirby!"
Zoey was close to throwing up.
"This is my little sister Carly!" Spencer said proudly.
Carly shook the hand of Dean Rivers.
"This is Samantha Pucket." Spencer continued. "I've heard that her cousin
Patricia had been expelled last year." Spencer shrugged.
"Patricia Kirby?" Dean Rivers frowned. "I've hoped to never hear that
name again ..."
"Most of my relatives are in prison!" Samantha [52] remarked.
Zoey shuddered with disgust.
"Fredward Benson is my neighbour's kid. He has got a perfect attendence
record, is never unwashed, ..." Spencer boasted.
Zoey smiled - there was no better possible roomie for Dustin! "Dustin may
show Fredward right to his dorm!"
Dean Rivers nodded. "An excellent idea, Ms. Brooks!"
Dustin and Freddie [53] bounded out.
Spencer told Zoey: "I know, Sam is not a nice girl, she holds the
detention record. But it's not her fault. It's a genetic condition." He
sighed deeply. "Would you please keep an eye on her? And on my little
sister , too, of course. She's a nice girl, but I would be very sad if
anything happened to her."
Zoey shrugged. Did she look like Mrs. Responsible? Ok, she did. "But of
course!" She helped Spencer signing some papers while the kids bounded
out.
Lola stood at the vendor machines, whistling merrily. Next to Drake,
doodle cakes made her swoon most. She stuck a buck into the slot, but
nothing happened. She punched the machine.
"Punching is for naught!" Quinn remarked. "You need to kick!" She did
that, but in vain.
Dustin, Carly, Freddie, and Sam passed by.
Upon Dustin's request, Quinn and Lola explained the situation.
"Aw, no problem!" Dustin boasted. He stuck his arm into the hole where
the machine used to spit out the goodies. "I'll fetch it for you!" He
55

link to page 60 smiled. Alas, after a few seconds, the attempt appeared vain. He tried to
get his arm out of the machine, but he was apparently stuck.
Quinn offered to ask custodian Bandel for tools and machine oil in order
to release Dustin's arm.
"Hurry up! Zoey can't see me. I've caused her too much trouble already."
Dustin begged.
"Does it hurt?" Carly asked Dustin nicely, making him nod.
Sam picked a needle from Quinn's hair.
"Don't do that, Sam!" Freddie told her.
"Shut up, Dorkward!" Sam boomed when she stuck the needle into some slot.
After fumbling for five seconds, the front wall of the machine fell
apart. Now Dustin could move his arm with ease.
"Thanks, Samantha!" Dustin smiled.
Unfortunately, Mr. Thatcher came along. "This was the last straw to break
the camel's back!" He thundered. "The honour council will take care of
your case!"
"PCA News, this is Jeremiah Trottman. Today, we report about the current
case in front of PCA Honour Court. Two middle school kids are accused of
violent infringement of some third party's property on the campus."
Jeremiah approached Zoey. "Ms. Brooks ... You are represent both of those
ruthless rowdies, Dustin Brooks and Samantha Puckett. Why don't you just
give up?"
Zoey looked oddly. "I never give up, you jerk!"
Trottman shrugged and went to the opposite party. "Ms. Crenshaw, you are
representing the accusing party, Vice Principal Thatcher."
Mindy: [54] nodded. "I've got two folders. Mrs. Brooks has only got one!"
She boasted triumphantly.
Trottman shrugged. "My co-commentator is 0nce again Lola Martinez!" He
was downright desperate. This could not go well.
Sam and Dustin sighed. They might as well have given up.
After over an hour, Moze bounded in. "Sorry, your worship, I have to talk
to Mrs. Brooks! It's urgent and personal!" With the permit of Dean
Rivers, she approached Zoey. "Chase's grandma has just died. Chase needs
you now. But don't make it public!"
56

link to page 60 link to page 60 Zoey was shocked. She had tried to get the old lady to come to Chase's
birthday party and liked her a lot. She stepped up to Dean Rivers who
presided over the court, handing him a note.
Mrs. Brooks has to abandone her task as the legal representant of Ms.
Puckett and Mr. Brooks.
The culprits moaned in dismay.
Carly sighed. "Who will represent them?"
Zoey pondered. "I've herd that my science tutor, Josh, has experience in
defending pupils.[55]"
Carly said: "OK, let's call him!"
Dustin and Sam agreed.
After a break of a few minutes, Josh arrived. "Yeah, I've got a lot of
experience. I've defended Drake against that shark of Mindy Crenshaw." He
turned his face and saw the solicitor. "Mindy?!"
"You don't really dare to oppose me, do you?" Mindy grinned
mischievously.
"Sorry, Zoey," Josh sighed deeply, "but Mindy is my girlfriend." He hang
his head in shame.
"Why, oh why, do the good guys always have to get those weird
girlfriends?" Zoey asked herself with despair. "I guess I have to respect
it. Now the case is desperate." Zoey weeped. "I'm such a bad sister who
has to let down her little brother when he needs her most."
"It's OK," Dustin said. "Chase needs you even more."
Sam didn't care. She had just grabbed Mindy's sandwich and started
chewing on it. "Yummy!"
Moze intervened. "I might ask Claire [56] , a friend that I know since
elementary school. She names herself a future lawyer. She is certainly
upto that task!"
"Bleh" Mindy bellowed. "Nobody is up to the task of opposing me!"
Zoey stared oddly at Mindy. She left the room with Moze as they had to
see Chase urgently.
A few minutes later, an Afro-American Girl bounded in. "Claire Sawyer,
Future Lawyer!" She told Dean Rivers. "I'm going to represent Mr. Brooks
and Mrs. Puckett!"
57

Dean Rivers agreed with the change. "Damn' I'll miss out on lunch. My
wife will kill me!"
"No worry, your worship!" Claire told Rivers. "Just get a divorce. I'll
represent you at court in, let's say, seven years from now."
Rivers sighed in relief. "Finally some good prospects." He started to
smile a bit.
Mindy was amused. She smiled gladly because all of that confusion was
going to make her task a whole lot easier.
Claire stood up. "Our first witness is Ms. Lola Martinez!"
Lola went to the witnesses' chair. "Oh, I need my make-up to be
refreshed. Lip-gloss!"
Rivers declined that request. "This is a council, not a casting session!"
Claire interrogated Lola for two more hours. After that, it was Quinn's
turn.
Lola smiled. "What was my performance like? Do I get the role?" she asked
Quinn who just shrugged.
Mindy was shocked. Claire's approach was way too professional for her
taste. She couldn't help feeling cornered.
Claire had been at the PCA for a few weeks only. That fact
notwithstanding, she already knew all the decisions that had been made at
the honour court since the foundation of the school. She made Mindy
totally dizzy.
And Mindy Crenshaw was not one to be confused easily, quite the contrary:
She used to be the one to confuse the hell out of others on purpose. Thus
Josh Nichols had repeatedly been victim to her guile and cleverness. But
now she had found her master.
Sawyer also interrogated school medic Dr. Birnbaum.
Finally, the jurors had to arrive at some conclusion.
Dean Rivers opened the sealed envelope. "The unison judgement of the
honour jury ... Mrs. Samantha Puckett is pronounced ... not guilty!"
Mr. Thatcher and Mindy moaned with dismay.
"As substantiated by Ms. Sawyer and Dr. Birnbaum, ..." Rivers read a long
list of precendence judgements. "The life and health of Dustin Brooks was
seriously at stake. In such a situation, human life holds a precedence
58

over material property. Samantha Puckett is to be released."
Carly sighed in relief while Sam didn't really care.
Mr. Dustin Brooks is pronounced ... not guilty!
Mindy banged her head against the wall.
"As substantiated by Dr. Birnbaum, Mrs. Martinez sufferes from a chronic
addiction to doodle cakes. Again, Dustin's deed has to be considered as
acting in higher interest."
Dustin sighed in relief.
"Furthermore, the vendor machines are to be banned from the campus. The
snacks and drinks are to be sold exclusively in the cafeteria and by
other authorised human vendors."
The audience cheered ecstatically. No more stupid vendor machines!
Addie, Zoey, and Moze had invited Chase to Sushi Rocks.
"Thanks, girls! You're the best!" Chase sighed in relief. He had been
desperate when he heard the news about his grannie passing away, but the
girls had made him walk upright again.
"Grannie wouldn't want you to be forever sad!" Moze confirmed. Although
she wasn't related to the old lady, she had come to love and respect her
a lot.
Chase nodded. "You're so right."
Zoey and Addie patted Chase on the shoulders.
"What happened to Dustin?" Chase wondered. "I feel bad because you had to
let him down for me."
Zoey shrugged. "I've found a substitute, but whether it worked out I ..."
Dustin and Freddie stormed in. "Hi Zoey!"
"Dustin! What ..." Zoey asked anxiously.
"Claire proved that we acted in order to help others in a case of
emergency." Dustin beamed. "Now the vendor machines are banned. Freddie
and me, we're the first official doodle cake vendors at the PCA."
"We'll get our own cart!" Freddie added.
59

link to page 54 link to page 55 link to page 55 link to page 56 link to page 57 link to page 57 "Wow! Now I'm happy that I've let you down ... Claire is way better!"
Zoey admitted.
"Aw Zoey! But Claire will never be my caring elder sister!" Dustin
moaned.
Zoey hugged Dustin tightly and kissed him on the back of his head.
Freddie sighed in awe.
Sam and Carly bounded in.
"Spencer often gets to me like that!" Carly smiled.
"We may learn a lot from the Brooks and the Shays, it seems!" Chase told
his step-sister.
Moze nodded solemnly and highfived Chase.
[51] from iCarly Show
[52] from iCarly Show
[53] from iCarly Show
[54] from Drake & Josh
[55] Drake & Josh : Honor Council
[56] from Ned's Declassified SSG
Quinn's Bacteria
Quinn's eyes bugged out when she walked into the lounge. Who was that
girl next to her Mark? Granted, Quinn and Markl had ceased being a
couple. But this didn't entitle Mark to make out with the next-best
wench, did it? Quinn had to do something about that!
Mark waved at the girl. "See you later, Maria!"
Smiling sweetly, Maria waved back at Mark del Figgalo.
Quinn needed to investigate the whole thing. "Mark, who's that girl?"
"Quinn! What are you ... Well, it's Maria from my English class." Mark
shrugged.
Quinn's Bacteria
60

Quinn waved and walked away, leaving a puzzled Mark behind. She saw Maria
across the lounge. Fortunately, Quinn had just constructed a wrist watch
with laser zappers. She directed the item at Maria's butt and fired right
away, burning a small hole into Maria's pants which made her victim
squeal in agony.
Mary Ferry had been experimenting with bacteria.
Quinn entered her dorm. "What are the microbes doing?"
Mary smiled. "Fine. We have blended them with staphyloes and amoebae!"
Quinn sighed. "Unfortunately, I'm not in the mood of celebrating much.
I've caught Mark making out with some Maria."
Mary Ferry pondered. "You've left each other, so ..."
"This doesn't give Mark the permit to make out with the next best girl!"
Quinn boomed.
Mary shrugged. "OK, if you say so. But be more careful with ..."
It was too late. Quinn had hit one of the test tube. The disgusting
liquid spilled on site, developing some obnoxious steam with a penetrant
stench.
Mary Ferry and Quinn knew that they had to inform the Biological Hazard
Team. Fortunately, thye knew the long number by heart, and they already
knew what to do in the mean time. The whole dormitory had to be
quarantined. All the pupils except those who had been already
contaminated were forced to leave the dorm hall on site.
Zoey and Lola walked in. "What's going on? Quinn? Have you ..."
They shouldn't have asked. Now they were trapped in the dorm as well,
until the Bio-Hazard team had revoked the red alert.
Lola screamed like a fury.
Quinn dropped the other test tube as well, unleashing a steam of a
different colour and stench, yet equally unbearable and disgusting.
"She's practising for a movie casting." Zoey explained.
Mary Ferry looked oddly at Lola. " Now those bacteria mixed up. This may
kill the whole PCA in one shot!"
"And I need to observe Mark and that wench!" Quinn moaned. "I'll ask
Dustin to ..."
61

link to page 66 "Oh no, you won't!" Zoey boomed. "Dustin is my little brother. I won't
let you abuse him again. If you want someone to spy your ex, ask Nevel!"
Quinn shrugged. "OK!" She pushed the buttons on her cellular phone. "Hi
Nevel! I'm trapped here in my dorm ... mybacteria went a bit wild, you
know, the usual thing ..."
"This is usual?" Zoey asked, trembling with dismay.
"OK, Nevel, I need you to spy Mark del Figgalo, I'm sure that he's got a
new girlfriend ... I know that we're apart, but ... exactly." Quinn
breathed deeply. "If I only knew where Mark hangs out this evening ..."
"He's got gym classes with Duane."[57] Mary Ferry remarked.
"OK, he's probably at the gym!" Quinn concluded. "See you, bro!" She
smiled. "Nevel said that Maria is going to rue the day, until dystopia
shall she rue it."
"Why, oh why, am I not surprised?" Lola asked rhetorically.
Zoey sighed. "I've got a date with Danny tonight, and now ..."
"Phone him?" Quinn suggested. "And who the heck is Danny?"
Shrugging helplessly, Zoey admitted that she had not asked Danny for his
number ... and she knew close to nothing about him, except that he looked
incredibly cute.
Lola chuckled.
"I'll simply ask Dustin to inform the cutest guy he sees in front of the
cinema!" Zoey concluded.
The door was flung open, and the Bio Hazard Team arrived. They had also
caught Nicole's little brother and pushed him rudely into the dorm.
"Reginald!" Zoey remembered name although she had seen him only on PCA
News. She knew how afraid he was of girls. Then she stared oddly at Lola.
"If you continue scaring him, I'll choke you!"
The Hazrd Team, all of them looking like astronauts, probed the air and
the blood of the pupils. "No need to choke her ... the bacteria might
kill you all before that ..."
Lola was disgusted.
When the team had left, Quinn turned the PCA News Channel on.
"PCA General News, this is Jeremiah Trottman. Finally, my co-commentator,
Lola Martinez, has been locked away for some undetermined duration."
62

Jeremiah grinned. Then he explained the quarantine.
"He's so mean!" Lola protested.
Zoey called Nicole and informed her about Reginald's whereabouts. "Nicole
is totally upset and squeals like a fury. She had lost Reginaldin the
hall when the Bio Hazard alert rang. She makes me personally responsible
if anything bad happens to Reginald!"
Quinn chuckled sadistically until her cell rang. "Quinn Pensky ... oh
Nevel! ... What? Maria is constantly staring at Mark? That's so ... OK,
Thanks! Keep me informed!" She hang up. "How can Mark do that? We've just
broken up a few weeks ago, and now he's lusting for that useless girl!"
Mary Ferry's phone rang. "Hi Duane ... it's a bit annoying, but we may
survive that ... if I knew what that bacteria did, it wouldn't be that
bad. ... Seeya babe!"
Lola saw a black tarantula crawling up her bed. She shrieked
tremendously.
"Stop practising screams!" Zoey told her. "Reginald is punished enough as
it is!" She saw when Lola's scream made the boy shiver in agony.
"I don't practise! It's that creepy thing!" She pointed towards the
spider.
Quinn treated the spider affectionately. "little Herman! What's my cutie
doing?" She set the spider on her hand and petted him tenderly.
Mary Ferry's phone rang. "Mary Ferry ... hi Lisa! Sorry for getting you
locked out of our dorm hall. It's all Lola's fault!"
"Oh it's my fault?" Lola tried to yell, but her voice was too weak. "My
voice is ... gone!"
"I'm starting to praise Quinn's bacteria if it did effect that ..." Zoey
remarked.
Mary Ferry shook her head. "It's probably because she screamed too much.
Serves her well."
"I ... hate ... you!" Lola declared. Her phone rang. "Drake ... sorry!
..."
"Do you want to play Sudoku Duel with me?" Reginald asked the girls
timidly.
"...What?" Lola stammered incoherently. "That's not my new boyfriend, he
just ..." She was dismayed. "Now Drake thinks that Reg ..." Her voice was
gone.
63

"Serves you right!" Quinn remarked viciously.
Zoey took Lola's cell and explained the situation. "Drake understood it.
But next time I won't help you anymore!" Zoey declared.
Lola sobbed piteously.
Mary Ferry declared herself ready for playing a sudoku duel with
Reginald. "With original Japanese characters! ... "
Quinn read a message. "Hey! Lisa Zemo says that she has found an
antidote!"
The gang cheered.
Alas, Quinn's phone rang again. "Pensky ... oh Nevel ... keep close to
them and tell me when they are there!" She hang up. "They are going to
Sushi Rocks! Now it's official. A romantic dinner at Sushi Rocks. Mark
had never done that with me."
"Maybe if you hadn't spent all your time with stupid experiments, you'd
have had the time to go out with Mark ..." Zoey remarked.
Quinn stared oddly at Zoey.
"Why would any boy want to have girlfriends? Aren't they just a sort of
disease?" Girl-shy Reginald pondered.
Quinn pondered. "Maybe that works vice versa, as well."
Zoey's cell rang. "Zoey Brooks .. oh Dustin! Have you found Danny? ...
Aw, Megan! ... What? That can't be!" She sighed when she hanged up.
"Megan had taken Freddie's technological equipment and used it to build
spying devices. Now they may control Danny ... any time! But the worst:
Dustin has found Danny. And he has got another girl already: Stacey
Dillsen!" Zoey threw up.
After comforting Zoey, Quinn stepped up to her and wired her cellular
phone. "This allows you to display Dustin's visual messages right on the
flatscreen! Via firewire ... not that Firewire, but the real thing ..."
Zoey's stomach cramped again. She felt like turning into a mean spy.
"I have to tune the whole system a bit!" Quinn announced.
"Why, oh why, does he have to date Stacey? That's so icky!" Zoey sobbed
with despair.
Quinn's phone rang again. "Aw Nevel ... yeah? They are eating that icky
orange stuff? ... Please, activate the megaphone mode so I may talk to
them ..." Quinn breathed. "Mark! How can you do that to me! We've just
64

link to page 66 broken up, and you make out with the next best loose girl! That's so
icky!"
"Who's that?" Maria asked Mark.
"Quinn ... the girl I've been talking about. My ex-girlfriend." Mark
explained.
Maria obviously had to say something. "Quinn, I'm not taking Mark away
from you. Quite the contrary ..."
"Quinn didn't understand ,zilch. " What are you saying?
"Maria is about painting a portrait of me!" Mark stammered. "I wanted to
make up with you by giving you a beautiful painting portraying myself."
Quinn choked and coughed.
"Alas, if you trust me that little and have to send spies after me, it
ain't no use. We're done, for good! Now leave us alone!" Mark thundered
into the hand-held device. "Have you already got a boyfriend?" Mark asked
Maria kindly.
"Not yet ..." Maria replied seductively.
"Do you want to have one?" Mark asked.
Nevel walked away. "Now they make out for real. How disgusting." Nevel
moaned.
"OK, thanks for all!" Quinn sobbed.
"I swear unto you, Quinn ... Mark and Maria won't recede from their limbs
in peace, but with despair and agony. They rejoice over their own
insanity, unable to realise their madness. It is the fire that will burn
them!" Nevel declared solemnly.
Quinn sighed. "Just do what you have to do!" She closed the call.
The door went open. Lisa Zemo bounded in, followed by Freddie, Dustin,
and Megan.
"We took the fire escapes and a hole in the roof ..." Megan explained.
"This is the antidote!" Lisa explained. "I'm going to squirt it all over,
so take cover! Mindy helped me. She has already cloned puppies, thus
cloning bacteria is no challenge for her."[58]
A few minutes later, the pest was defeated.
Lola, Zoey, Mary Ferry, and Quinn sighed in relief.
65

link to page 62 link to page 65 Dustin hugged Zoey.
Quinn announced that the spying system was now ready. She pushed a
button.
"That isn't Danny!" Zoey squealed. "He looks more like Jake Crandle!"
"But he reacts when he's called Danny!" Dustin shrugged.
"James Denifer Garrett!" Stacey squealed. "I've told you not to mess with
my cotton swabs! It's over!" She screamed and weeped piteously. "I hate
you!"
Zoey didn't know whether she should laugh about Stacey or weep becauuse
of the confusion. "James is Jake's cousin, I think ..."
Whatever the situation, they were finally able to leave the dorm.
Zoey could finally breathe fresh air again. "Sorry, Nicole. There you
have your brother back!"
Nicole sighed. "I'm such a bad sister. How could I let him down for some
silly alert? If it had been for a cute boy, but for some silly alert ..."
"Look there!" Dustin screamed. "Rebecca!"
Zoey looked around. Rebecca was not alone, but she was with ... Danny!
"Aw you ..."
Rebecca smiled triumphantly. "That's what you get for ditching your date
And we're not yet nearly even!"
Danny and Rebecca walked away, hand in hand.
"But Danny, I ..." Zoey yelled after the boy, alas, it was too late.
"Sorry, Zoey!" Dustin hanged his head in shame.
Zoey patted Dustin. "It's OK, he wasn't worth it." He kissed him on the
top of his head.
"Danny is cute. Isn't he cute?" Nicole squealed.
[57] from Unfabulous
[58] cf. Drake & Josh : Honor Council
66

link to page 73 G.O. Killed The Radio Star
Chase sobbed. "Zoey, you won't believe it. I've asked my Grandad from
maryland for the money for a new GO. It's the greatest mp3 player ever.
And what did he send me?"
Zoey shrugged.
"This old radio from the last war! And it doesn't even work without some
ancient adapter!" Chase was desperate. "Grandpa said that it's all he had
got for entertainment back when he was in my age ..."
Zoey comforted Chase. "If you're so disappointed .. I'll buy it off you
for a few bucks."
Chase sighed in relief. "OK, how many bucks?"
"Five bucks and a coupon over a taco?" Zoey offered.
"Deal!" Chase smiled. "You're the best!" He whistled joyfully when he
received Zoey's goodies for his old radio set.
"It's always nice to make deals with you!" Zoey said when she highfived
Chase.
Zoey returned to her dorm.
Addie lay on her bed. "I hope the mutant bacteria didn't turn you into
some greedy monster!"
Zoey chuckled. "Me? Greedy? Never! I've been generous enough to buy this
crap off Chase. He wanted a new GO, and he got this junk ... For five
bucks and a taco coupon!"
Moze and Addie took a look at the thing.
"Maybe there are even some insaners who would pay more for that ancient
junk!" Addie shrugged. "You never know!"
"I might ask Quinn to look it up on the internet!" Zoey wondered.
Addie climbed back on her bed. She took her guitar, strummed it, and
started singing.
They took the credit for your second symphony.
Rewritten by machine and new technology
and now I understand the problems you can see.[59]
G.O. Killed The Radio Star
67

Zoey wonderedd what to do. "If it turned out worth a lot, should I give
it back to Chase? Keeping it doesn't sound right."
Moze nodded. "It doesn't. But maybe it is as worthless as Chase believes
it to be."
Addie continued singing.
G.O. killed the radio star.
G.O. killed the radio star.
MP3 did break your heart.
Aw-a-a-a-whoah
"Where would we be without our resident news singer?" Moze wondered.
Zoey chuckled contently.
The door went open. Dustin and Freddie bounded in.
"What's this?" Dustin asked his sister.
Zoey explained the situation.
Freddie's eyes bugged out. "He wanted a G.O. and got this?" He pondered.
"With a few tricks, I may turn this old piece of crap into something way
better than just a G.O!"
Zoey beame brightly. "Chase will appreciate this!"
Dustin nodded. "Let's do it in our dorm!" He took the radio and bounded
out, followed by Freddie,
"Moze sighed. " Now Chase gets what he wanted.
"But I'll get my five bucks back, right?" Zoey boomed.
"And the taco!" Moze added.
"True! I hope he knows that the coupon is about expiring." Zoey chuckled.
Chase told Michael and Logan about his deal.
"Are you that stupid?" Logan told Chase. "This old thing may be worth
thousands of bucks! You could buy yourself a bunch of G.O.s from that!
And my grandpa had a similar radio set ..."
"Really?" Chase pondered. "I've got to get it back!"
Logan shook his head. "Oh no! You've bit it, you've bought it! If you are
that stupid, you don't deserve any better than getting shortchanged by
68

Zoey."
"Michael!" Chase cried. "That can't be right!"
"But what do you want to do?" Michael asked, shrugging with despair. "Sue
Zoey? Hire a lawyer?"
Chase sighed. "Hey. thanks, pal!" He took his cellular phone and pushed
the buttons.
Logan laughed hysterically. "So what are you going to do, you poorexcuse
of a loser?"
Chase sneered at Logan.
A few minutes later, the door went open. A business card flew across the
room and landed safely in the hand of Chase Matthews.
"Claire Sawyer, future lawyer! What can I do for you?" Claire asked
Chase.
Claire explained the situation.
"Do what you want!" Logan scoffed. "I'm going to Sushi Rocks in order to
have some California roll!"
"Oh, Logan, what was the name of that freak who wanted to join the
Loganites?" Chase asked Logan who was already about leaving the hall.
Logan couldn't help laughing hysterically. "Eric Blonowitz? Forget it!
He's the lamest spaz ever! Right next to Quinn!"
"What do you need Blonowitz for?" Michael asked.
"Drake told me that Eric collects and reassembles parts of old and new
radios. If someone knows about the worth of that stuff, it's him!" Chase
asked. "He's also working on the HAM Radio project. But he's a
vegetarian. This doesn't make sense to me ..."
"Whatever ..." Michael shrugged. "If you want to beat Zoey, you need a
technical expert."
Claire nodded. "What's his number?"
Chase looked up the directory. "Here it is ..."
Claire dialed the number. Eric was around. "Hi Craig ... OK, in ten
minutes!" Claire shut her phone. "He'll be here in ten minutes. Until
then, I'll prepare you a standard agreement forcing Zoey to render the
radio unto you." She started typing away. The writing grew fast to some
100 pages.
69

link to page 73 The door went open, and Eric Blonowitz arrived.
"Thanks, Craig, for coming!" Chase sighed in relief.
"Eric! My name is Eric!" Blonowitz boomed.
"OK, Eric, you are an expert for old radioes?" Michael asked.
Eric nodded. "I've repaired some hundreds of them. Or maybe some
thousands?"
"Great!" Chase stated. "I've found such a thing ..." He gave Eric the
description of the old radio.
The freak's eyes bugged out. "That model is made of a rare material. A
museum in London has recently bought one of it for 12,000 bucks!"
"12,000?" Chase squealed. "And Zoey gave me lousy five bucks and some
crappy taco for it?"
Michael shook his head. "Aw man, I'm so disappointed by Zoey." He sighed.
"I'd never have expected her to cheat and shortchange you. I thought she
was our friend."
Chase banged his head against the wall. "And I've even trashed Rebecca in
order to stick up for Zoey. What a fool I've become! I feel horribly
ashamed!"
Claire chuckled. "Money is the end of friendship. I could tell you
stories ..."
"Sorry, I'm not up to listening to long stories." Chase moaned.
Claire nodded. "This is too obvious. I suggest that we offer them an
agreement. You give Zoey back what she gave to you, and vice versa."
"I've already eaten the taco!" Chase whimpered.
"Ouch!" Claire shrugged.
"Not a problem!" Eric answered. "Instapuke will help!" He gave Chase a
few pills.
"That's sick!" Michael remarked.
"One question ... why is it called Ham radio? You're a vegetarian![60]"
Chase asked Eric.
Eric didn't understand Chase's question and just shrugged.
70

"One warning ..." Claire boomed. "Don't try to commit stupid deeds like
breaking into Zoey's dorm, in an attempt to steal the radio back!"
"Claire told you not to break into Zoey's dorm!" Michael reminded Chase.
"I'm not going to break into her dorm!" Chase replied. "I'm waiting
outside of it and terrorise Zoey, and I won't budge from there until I
have my radio back!"
Michael shrugged helplessly. "I'm not convinved that Claire might approve
of that."
"Whatever!" Chase boomed. "I'm going to get my radio back, no matter
what!"
Chase and Michael were waiting outside Zoey's window.
"They are coming back from the chick flick!" Chase explained. He pushed
the buttons of his mobile phone.
"Chase, I still think it's wrong what you're doing!" Michael tried to
dissuade Chase.
"Then go home! I don't need you if you can't but bitch and moan!" Chase
told Michael.
"No! I've promised to help you!" Michael assured.
"Zoey!" Chase thundered into his phone. "I know that you're awake! Give
me my radio back, or I'll sue you. Claire Sawyer will fry your butt if
..."
Zoey was shocked. She came to the window. "You've hired Claire? Are you
insane? I thought that we were friends. I'm totally disappointed!"
"I've thought the same!" Chase answered unto Zoey. "But friends don't
cheat on friends."
"Are you crazy?" Zoey asked Chase. "I'm not cheating on you!"
"Oh you don't?" Chase asked sarcastically. "Why did you pay me just 5
bucks for a radio that is worth 12,000 of them? Friends don't do that to
friends, do they?"
"You just wanted to get rid of the lame thing!" Zoey replied. "And don't
forget the coupon over a taco from the cafeteria! "
"Oh, cool, thanks for reminding me! It was the last but one taco they
had." Chase thundered. He stretched himself, doubled over, and puked on
Zoey's pradas. "There's your taco! No quality meat, just some withering
71

lettuce and some bland sauce!"
"Oh, sorry for that. But I'm not willing to take that back!" Zoey
declared. "And you're going to wake up Moze and Addie with your noise!
Maybe Coco, too. And hell will break lose when ..."
Chase clarified that he was not in Zoey's dorm.
Alas, Chase had already woken other girls. Upstairs, some window opened,
and a torrent of ice water poured down onto Chase's head.
Chase looked up.
"Shut up!" Mindy Crenshaw screamed. "Get back to the boys' dorm!"
Suddenly, Olivary Biallo came along. "Michael! You've wanted to praise
the moon with me!"
"Sorry, pal!" Michael told Chase before chanting some prayer with
Olivary.
"Zoey chuckled. "I've always known that you should wash your bushy hair
more often!
"None of your business!"Chase replied.
Moze woke up. "What's going on?"
"Your brother has gone insane!" Zoey remarked. "He wants his old junk
radio back, in the middle of the night!"
"Chase, go back to sleep, or I'll tell dad!" Moze remarked.
"Now be a good brother and listen to your sister as Dustin does!" Zoey
commanded Chase. "If you're interested, I haven't got your radio any
longer. Dustin and Freddie are about repairing it."
"Repairing it?" Chase wondered.
Zoey nodded. "You wanted a G.O., you will get a G.O. Freddie may do
that."
Addie woke up. "What's going on?" She yawned heartily. "Oh Chase, do you
want to play a serenade for us? You're so romantic!" She took her guitar
and handed it to Chase. "Moonshine, guitar music, ..."
Chase took the instrument and started strumming it, singing along:
Affaciati alla finestra bella mia
T'invento una canzone e una poesia.
E metti il vestito più bella, andiamo via!
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link to page 73 link to page 67 link to page 70 link to page 73 Un gatto, un cuore, e tu - che compagnia!
Affaciati alla finestra bella mia
Nell'aria c'è una voglia di allegria
Serenata, amica della luna
Se la canti porterà fortuna
Serenata! Serenata![61]
Feeling her heart melt away, Addie went back to bed.
"We've told you, the magics of the moon is going to charm you all!"
Michael and Olicary boasted.
Chase decided to go home.
Freddie and Dustin gave the reworked radio set to Zoey. "HAM-Radio,
broadcast receiver, SMS, audio games, mp3, all in one!"
"See, Chase? More than you've ever wanted." Zoey beamed.
"Thanks, Zoey, you're still the best!" Chase bounced around. "And I
wanted to sell the trash for stupid 12,000 bucks!"
Quinn bounded in. "Some freak offered me 12,000 bucks for my collection
of toenails of my sixth toe!" She chuckled merrily.
"You won't believe it!" Freddie declared. "Sam bought the last taco from
the cafeteria. She bit it and spat out a coin whose worth, according to
Firewire, is 12,000 bucks!"
The kids all rolled on the floor laughing.
Addie completed her song, along with Chase.
G.O. killed the radio star.
G.O. killed the radio star.
In my mind and in my car
We can't rewind we've gone to far.
MP3 has broken thee
Blame it on AT&T.
[59] slightly modified from Video killed the Radio Star by Buggles which I
don't own
[60] cf. Drake & Josh : Aliens Are Coming
[61] Serenata by Totò Cotugno which I don't own. Meaning: Show up at the
window, my beauty, I invent some song, some poem for you. Don your most
73

beautiful dress, let's go out, a cat, a heart, and you - what a company!
Show up at the window, my beauty, there's a joyful desire in the air.
Serenade, friend of the moon, if you sing it, it will bring you luck.
Serenade! Serenade!
Science Fairy
Zoey entered her dorm. "Hi girls, Dean Rivers told me to take care of
another cousin of Megan's named Paige Howard. She has just won the
national science fair and is going to present herr latest invention here
on the campus."
Addie shrugged. "I don't care, but it is probably a great honour for the
PCA!"
Moze pondered. "My friend Simon Nelson Cook, who had won the local
science fair at La Mesa, is totally keen on her invention, the
super-power converter. It may supply half of LA with an apparatus smaller
than a custodian's closet. Of course, I don't understand ,zilch about
it."
Zoey agreed with her roomies. "I think Quinn might see it differently.
Paige might even enroll at the PCA."
Moze nodded. "So will Lisa Zemo and Mary Ferry ..."
Addie asked: "Does Paige look like Megan?"
Zoey noddded. "I've heard so!"
Dean Rivers gathered the science teachers and the best scientists among
the pupils. "OK, as you have provbably already heard, the winner of this
year's National Science Fair is on the way to evaluate the PCA. She will
establish her latest invention. Our school is going to run on Paige
Current!"
"What do we have to do?" Firewire wanted to know.
His pals Neil and Andrew chuckled sarcastically.
Dean Rivers passed the microphone to Mr. Beringer and Mrs. Bromwell.
"You're going to assist Paige and introduce her to the facilities in our
laboratories." Mr. Beringer explained.
Mrs. Bromwell added: "Make sure that she has gote everything she needs at
her disposal!"
Science Fairy
74

Are we her slaves?"Quinn wanted to know. Fortunately, Dean Rivers didn't
hear that, just some fellow pupils did. "That's not fair!
For the first time, Firewire applauded Quinn.
"Oh, that will be a great honour!" Josh pretended.
Craig and Eric didn't really recognise what was going on, they just kept
on talking about their own projects.
Quinn pondered seriously. She was about two years older than Paige and
had not yet won the National Science Fair Award. She started to doubt her
scientific abilities. Already a rat had beaten her. And half of her
experiments went awfully wrong, and instead of repairing Dustin's
miniature plane, she had almost made him decapitate Dean Rivers. That was
downright embarassing! Paige's visit could destroy her reputation for
good. As if losing Mark had not been enough of a punishment, everything
was at a stake. Quinn had never wanted to abuse her knowledge for
destructive purposes, but all she had achieved had effected exactly that:
destruction. She had trumped Firewire with her own warbot, her wrist
watch with built-in laser zappers was the only invention that worked
flawlessly. Granted, she had built a bunch of useful stuff such as a
silent leaf-blower. But this had been too long ago. She couldn't even
cultivate a hybridic plant named banapple. Quinn could beat her male
fellows with ease, and Lisa and Mary were rather friends than rivals, but
already Mindy showed that Quinn still had to learn a lot. Granted, Mindy
was slightly older, but Paige wasn't. Quinn was desperate. She had
thought about subverting Paige's demonstration. But the consequences of
an accident could be devastating. The shock she had received from the
quarantine was quite still deep. Even more, Quinn was not allowed to
think aloud about her doubts concerning herself. Nevel had always looked
up to her, and the slighetst doubt about Quinn's mental superiority,
which he shared at least partially, could push him into wreaking havoc.
Nevel was fast in cursing people, and even faster in making them rue the
day, in particular when he felt the need to defend Quinn's honour.
The day of Paige's arrival, Quinn had experimented with anti-gravity.
Instead of reversing gravity, she had destroyed Lola's new cellular
telephone. Quinn's anger grew when she noticed that Paige could fix her
error with ease. Yet she had been unable to declare her intention to give
up.
Mary Ferry and Lisa were more friendly towards Paige, but they were
basically on Quinn's side, should it ever have come down to it.
Firewire and his pals made the usual jokes about science and girls, but
they did that behind Paige's back. They desperately avoided getting
noticed.
75

link to page 80 Mindy Crenshaw was really upset. She had cloned puppies and built the
world's strongest portable magnet, but, after all, Paige had got most of
the attention.
Miles Brody [62]sat back and smiled. He was the guy with the greatest book
knowledge at the PCA and had come to read way more books than Paige would
ever read in her life. But was he really more knowledgeable? Time would
tell.
Simon Nelson Cook, a self-designated cyborg, had sacrificed a lot of his
humanity in order to achieve a higher understanding of science and
technology. Yet this was not enough to hold a candle to Paige who, after
all, had never stopped being human.
Joshua Nichols had always lost out badly to his girlfriend Mindy
Crenshaw. Granted, he was worth Paige's shadow, but when she approached,
he twitchwed like a dead fish, making the prodigy smile with pity.
Eric Blonowitz never really cared about Paige's visit. In his mind, it
held no special significance.
Craig Ramirez was more or less a mere appendix to Eric, and he followed
his best friend's behaviour.
"PCA Science News. This is Jeremiah Trottman. Today we are witnesses of a
scientific revolution on the campus of our school. Paige Howard, multiply
awarded prodigy, is demonstrating her latest invention which, upon
success, will supply the PCA wth power for the next five years." Trottman
choked as he had no clue what he was talking about. Then he coughed when
he presented his co-commentator: Once more, Lola Martinez had been
assigned. Trottman's throat cramped when he passed the voice to Lola.
"Hi, what a wonderful day. Paige Howard, your hair glitters and sparkles
more than Quinn's. What shampoo do you use?" Lola asked Ms. Howard.
"Sorry, my mom takes care of that, I have no clue!" Paige shrugged
helplessly.
"Oh, your mom must be very competent, then!" Lola smiled.
Dean Rivers stomped his feet impatiently.
"Oh, Mr. Rivers. Last week I've suggested you to take some lotion against
..." Lola addressed the headmaster.
"May we come to the interesting stuff?" Dean Rivers begged the obnoxious
Hollywood star.
Lola shrugged. "OK, how do you take care of your hair? It doesn't sparkle
as much as ..."
76

Dean Rivers grabbed Lola's microphone and gave a boring sermon,
expressing his pride.
Paige announced that everything was ready. "OK, your worship, would you
please pull that lever?"
Dean Rivers was aware of the historicity of the moment when he stepped up
to the engine. Then he followed Paige's command.
Paige monitored the apparatus and the instruments. "In 100 seconds, the
necessary temperature will be reached."
Mindy and Josh discussed the scientific aspects of what was going on.
Suddenly, Paige's face darkened. "That's impossible, how ..." She
breathed deeply. "Dean Rivers, you should evacuate the school. Something
has gone out of control. It's mno joke!"
Dean Rivers issued a red alert. "No panic! Stay in queues of ..."
Alas, his words fell like cotton swabs.
Apropos cotton swabs, Stacey lost another model and started screaming
piteously when a wild estampede crushed the cotton swab sculpture into
smithereens.
Once again, Nicole had neglected Reginald and fled in panic, leaving her
little brother behind.
Dean Rivers begged all of the science guys to help Paige fix the problem.
Alas, they had suddenly turned into incredible cowards.
Clueless Zoey offered to help Paige, and also Reginald stayed behind,
chanting some buddhist mantra.
"This is mortal danger!" Zoey tried to send Reginald away, but he wasn't
going to budge.
"I'm not afraid of death, it means no sorrow!" Reginald declared.
Dustin tried to drag Zoey away from danger, but in vain.
All Dustin and Zoey could do is reading from various instruments.
The situation was desperate. Finally, some of the cowards returned:
Mindy, Craig, Eric, and, last but not least, Quinn Pensky.
Quinn suggested to reverse the current. Toobad the apparatus was of a bad
sort of metal. She grabbed Zoey's room key. "That's better!" Then she
tore it from Zoey's throat and used it to shortcircuit the system.
77

Mindy, Craig, and Eric helped together and reset the rest of the machines
while they analysed precisely what had gone wrong.
Paige sighed in relief. "You all are geniuses, OK? Including Craig.
Without Quinn, we'd be all goners, and Mindy's, Craig's, and Eric's
observation made it possible for us to even improve the technology."
Eric! My name is Eric!
Mindy, Quinn, and Craig smiled.
"PCA Science News. This is Jeremiah Trottman. Eric Blomnowitz, Craig
Ramirez, Mindy Crenshaw, Quinn Pensky, and Paige Howard have just been
offered scholarships from Caltech Institute." Jeremiah coughed and choked
again. "Lola, please!" He almost puked.
"Craig Ramirez and Eric Blonowitz have already accepted. They will join
the Caltech, starting next term. Mindy Crenshaw... what do you say?" Lola
asked.
Mindy shrugged. "I'd have to leave without Josh, my boyfriend"
Josh Nichols stepped up to Mindy. "You're much greater than me and should
accept the offer. I'll join sooner or later, as your assistant or so, if
I'm still worthy."
"Really?" Mindy was puzzled. "You don't mind ..."
"Mindy! I love you and thus I'm ready to go though this sacrifice. We'll
only be half an hour apart, anyways!" Josh sighed. He had never
confdessed that he loved Mindy, he had just been her boyfriend. Now the
barrier was broken.
"Josh, I love you too!" He kissed her tenderly. "Time will fly by like
nothing."
Quinn had not yet decided.
Eric approached Quinn.
"Hi Craig!" Quinn smiled.
"Eric! My name is Eric!" Blonowitz shrugged. "Whatever you're going to
say, during the last days, I've come to see that ... I like you very very
much!"
"What?" Quinn was puzzled. She had hardly come to see Eric and his
sidekick Craig. They had just accidentally shared a lot of interests, but
she had never even dreamt of ... "Are you sure?"
78

"You're one of the few girls that speaks our language." Eric stammered.
Quinn nodded. "And vice versa. I'm coming with you guys!"
Lola sobbed. She went to Paige. "So ... what are you doing?"
"I'm coming to the PCA!" Paige declared. "The Caltech can't teach me
anything. We scientists are trained to understand how matter works. But
from mystics like Reginald Bristow, I may learn how to overcome material
consciousness. This beats anything science may ever offer. No university
of this world may teach you stuff like that!"
Zoey choked hard. Reginald was one to scare people away from the PCA,
which was one of the reasons he could not live on campus. And this Paige
girl was coming to the PCA because of him? That made no sense. What,if
anything, did still make sense after two years and a half at the PCA?
Zoey shrugged cluelessly.
Nicole Bristow screamed in joy because Paige had praised Reginald. Alas,
poor Nicole had no clue what she had praised him for. She used to praise
boy for their cuteness, hence she was convinced that Paige had just
deemed Reginald cute, which she couldn't quite understand.
Finally, it was tiime to say good-bye to Quinn.
Zoey sobbed uncontrollably, Inspite of having had many arguments with
Quinn, she was very sad.
"The Caltech is quasi around the corner!" Quinn calmed Zoey. "I'm just a
phone call away if you need me."
Zoey nodded. "Keep good care of yourself!"
"Keep good care of Nevel!" Quinn ordered Zoey, eyeing her in a warning
manner.
Zoey coughed. Just because she had managed to be a good sister for
Dustin, this didn't mean that everyone was entitled to burden her with
his or her little siblings. First Spencer Shay, and now Quinn Pensky, who
would be the next to ... This was going to get out of control! And Nevel
was the most scary person Zoey had ever come across.
Lola sobbed as well. But she also sighed with relief. No dangerous
experiments anymore, especially if Paige was really giving up on science
for some weird spaz, as Lola assumed.
Zoey stared at Lola. How long will the two of them still live under the
same roof? Everything seemed to change so fast.
79

link to page 76 link to page 87 [62] cf. Warbots
Customer Of The Week
"I've enrolled in the dance contest!" Zoey beamed.
"Me too! But I need to find a partner." Moze shrugged.
"Same here!" Zoey sobbed. "But those guys who dance well are all jerks.
My last dance was with some Glen Davis"[63]
Moze agreed. "I fear that it is so."
"But if I don't participate ..." Zoey moaned "my grandparents from
Massachusetts won't come and see me. And I haven't seen them in ages."
Moze sighed. "Our dear grandparents ... Chase would give so much if his
grandma could have come and seen him here one last time."
Zoey nodded. "Who knows how long mine still have to ... I don't want to
miss out on that. Each occasion may be the last."
Moze pondered. "If only Chase could dance. That would solve your
problem."
Zoey whimpered painfully at the thought of Chase dancing.
"Maybe he just needs a teacher." Moze concluded.
"Great idea!" Zoey beamed brightly. "But ... hey! Lola said that her
little sister was educated in classic and jazz dances?"
"She sings very well!" Moze agreed. "She probably dances, too ..."
Lola passed by.
"Hey Lola!" Zoey yelled.
"Oh Zoey, what's up?" Lola wondered.
Zoey told Lola her problem.
"OK, I'll ask Juana Evangelista ..." Lola chuckled.
Zoey was annoyed because of that long name. "Shut up, Gloria Alejandra
Maria ..."
"OK, OK." Lola ran away.
Customer Of The Week
80

The boys wanted to get their daily dose of coffee.
Logan was happy because Quinn was gone. "One spaz less. Three, even.
Craig and Eric left with her."
Chase shrugged. "Now that she's gone ... I've liked her ... somewhat."
Michael sighed. "I'll miss her, spaz or not. Especially when I know who
subs for her ..."
"Paige?"Chase wondered.
Michael shook his head. "I mean who replaces her in her dorm ... oops,
there she is ... Eveln Kwong."
"Kiss me, you dork!" Evelyn yelled at Cookie.
"Suddenly, I think she's fun." Michael admitted. "Scary, but fun."
"This long queue does scare me! If only I could be customer of the week!"
Logan moaned.
"What's that?" Michael wanted to know.
Chase chuckled. "The customer of the week gets his coffee a lot cheaper,
and he doesn't have to wait in the queue."
"I guess we'll have to do something in order to make it there!" Michael
replied. "We must impress him!"
Logan and Chase nodded.
Michael was doing his homework when Juanita bounded in. "Hi Ju, do you
want me to play something on your flute?"
Juanita pondered. "Maybe?" She chuckled. "I'm properly here for Chase."
"Hey, Chase doesn't play the flute ..." Michael pouted.
Juana chuckled. "Well, Zoey commanded me to teach him dancing! It's for
the contest."
"Oh! Yeah, that's a good idea!" Michael beamed. He pushed the buttons.
"Chase, come home, there's some work waiting for for you!"
A few minutes later, Chase bounded in. "What's up?"
81

Juana explained the situation.
"Me? OK, I don't want to let Zoey down." Chase sighed. He knew that it
would be quite hard.
"Coming to think of it ... Michael, may you play something on your
flute?" Juana chuckled. "Dance music, that is. I could ask Megan, as
well, but while I'm here ..."
Michael sighed. "OK, what do you want?"
"Something simple to start with!" Chase replied.
Michael nodded. "How about Maurice Ravel's Boléro ? The dance of boiling
passion and unrestrained love even into a painful death."
Juana nodded. "OK, it's very repetitive."
"I'm not going to fall in love with ..." Chase trembled.
Juana chuckled. "Certainly not. But the repitivity implies that you don't
have to learn too much."
Chase shrugged. "OK, that's perfect, if it is so ..."
Michael played a few notes, and Juana swept Chase across the floor.
"Wow, that's fun!" Chase beamed.
"It would be even more fun ..." Logan bounded in and made stupid remarks.
"... if you would not stomp on her feet!"
Juana nodded. "He learns fast, though."
Michael started laughing. "I remember when Dana smashed your toe with her
high-heeled ..."
Logan sighed. "I've registered for the dance contest. I posted at the
bulletin board, looking for a dance partner. And who do you think ..."
Dana bounded in. "Logan? You?" She sneered and pouted.
"Give it up, Logan!" Michael chuckled. "Dana is your destiny! I have
wanted to participate with Olivary," Michael said. "But same-gender
partners are not allowed."
"Poor Michael!" Logan remarked sarcastically.
"But I've just polished the cofffee cart." Michael beamed. "This will
make me the customer of the week!"
82

link to page 87 "You wish!" Logan boomed. "A few bucks will fix that."
"I will fix you!" Dana thundered when she pushed Logan against the wall.
Logan moaned with pleasure.
"I give it up!" Chase sighed. "I have to learn dancing for Zoey, which
means that I've got no time to become customer of the week!"
"Good for us!" Michael smirked.
"Not that you would be a serious competitor, anyways!" Logan remarked.
Dana poked Logan in the ribs.
"Ouch! That's my sensitive spot!" Logan feigned pain, but he felt pure
pleasure upon Dana's sadistic touch.
Michael and Logan were sure that one of them had been selected Customer
of the Week.
"And this week's award goes to ..." Calvin, the owner of the cart, made
the audience tremble anxiously. "Amber Tate![64]"
Michael was downright disappointed. He had polished the cart each
evening, and who had been chosen customer of the week? Some snobby
tweenie actress who even beat Ashley Blake at that! Unlike Ashley, Amber
worked for TVS, not for Malcolm, but arrogant bitches may be everywhere
... "That's so not fair!" he yelled at the top of his lungs and started
weeping piteously.
Logan didn't say anything. His feelings were obviously quite mixed,
something Michael could not make much sense off.
"The customer of the week gets her coffeee cheap, and I may make out with
her from time to time ..." The cart owner smirked.
These words seemed to have pushed Logan over the edge.
"Logan, what are you doing?" Michael couldn't hold his friend back.
Logan stepped up to Calvin, shoving the queue rudely aside. "You will
not, I repeat not! make out with Amber!" Logan thundered right into the
owner's face before slapping him swiftly.
Thereupon Logan got banned from the coffee cart, for good.
Dana had never seen Logan that angry. "I like that!" She smiled secretly.
83

"You should have seen Logan at the coffee cart!" Michael told Chase.
Chase shrugged. "I couldn't. I had to practise dancing with Juana ... and
listen to Nevel playing the piano. That was terrible, I tell you ... but
what wouldn't I do for Zoey!"
Michael admitted that Chase was right. "But Logan really bullied Calvin."
Logan bounded in.
"What was up with you?" Michael asked Logan.
"I don't want to talk about it, OK?" Logan boomed.
Dana followed Logan and poked him in the neck.
"OK ... if you really want to know it ..." Logan sighed. "I should never
talk about it, but ... Amber Tate is a step-sister of mine."
"That bitchy actress?" Michael replied.
Logan grabbed Michael by the armpits. "Don't call her those names again,
will you?"
"OK! OK!" Michael whimpered.
"You've got a step-sister?" Chase wondered.
"Probably a whole bunch of them Dad was married four times, mom was
married even more often, and stuffs ..." Logan sighed.
Dana concluded: "He's very protective of Amber!"
Chase didn't quite get it. "Why did you never tell us about her?"
Logan moaned. "If things were that easy ... my mom hated dad since their
divorce. Thus she made her second husband send Amber to a different
producer, TVS. Dad doesn't want me to have to do anything with the
competition, so he would never approve of me caring about Amber and even
being proud of her." He sobbed and started weeping.
Dana took Logan in her arms. "I'm so sorry for all that. It must hurt
you."
Michael pondered. "Dana? What are you doing?"
"It's just an exception!" Dana declared. "Logan should not get accustomed
to that ..."
"I won't!" Logan promised.
84

"We'll keep it a secret!" Chase suggested. "Malcolm won't hear about it."
Michael and Dana chimed in.
Logan sighed in relief. "Thanks, guys!"
"PCA Sports Channel. This is Jeremiah Trottman. Tonight, we're reporting
about the annual PCA Dance Contest. My co-commentator ..." Jeremiah
moaned, coughed and choked , just as usual.
"Hi!" Lola greeted the viewers cheerfully.
"I'll introduce you to our dance orchestra ... Nevel Papperman at the
piano, Megan Parker at the oboe, vocals by Juanita Martinez ...
unfortunately, Quinn's trombone is no longer among us, but her
replacement is ... Lola?" Trottman was confused.
"Samantha Puckett!" Lola added cheerfully.
"Do we get snacks after playing?" Sam asked.
"Of course!" Lola smiled. "The price for the best hair goes to Zoey
Brooks!"
Megan handed Dustin and Tyler a sack of drie peas. "OK, if you need to
manipulate the outcome of the contest, you know what you have to do!"
Dustin smirked.
"Unfortunately, some participant has to give up even before the contest
starts ..." Jeremiah stated.
"Ouuuuuch! My butt bone!" Stacey whimpered with pain. "I always get all
the bad luck!"
Nevel started playing a slow waltz.
"I hate that music! Don't you hate it too?" Nicole and Nicholas squealed
at each other.
Trottman announced: "Four couples have made it into the finals: Zoey
Brooks and Chase Matthews ... Michelle Barret and Olivary Biallo ... Dana
Cruz and Logan Reese ... Rebecca Noname and Glen Davis!"
Zoey choke when she heard the last names.
Rebecca and Glen smirked viciously at Zoey.
85

link to page 87 link to page 87 link to page 87 "A last dance is going to decide ... La Habanera[65]"
"I've bribed the jurors into choosing this dance!" Glen whispered sweetly
in Rebecca's ear. "Revenge will be ours!"
Rebecca smiled sweetly.
Nevel, Megan, and Juanita started their performance.
L'amour est un oiseau rebel
Qui nul ne peut apprivoiser
Et c'est vain qu'on l'appelle
S'il lui convient de réfuser.
Il n'a fait rien menace ou prière
L'un parle bien, l'autre se taît.
Et c'est l'autre que je préfère.
Il n'a fait rien mais il me plaît.
Amour! Amour![66]
"I hate Rebecca!" Dustin declared. "And Glen!"
Tyler nodded. "We need to use our pees!"
"We can't aim across the floor!" Dustin sighed.
"No problem!" Diego Cruz interjected. "I can ..." He produced his rubber
tape and took some of the peas. "Fire! ... Oops! I've hit Michelle's
head!"
The wig slipped from Michelle's head, reveiling Michael's.
"Disqualified!" Dean Rivers declared at the top of his lungs.
Diego aimed again. And again. Finally, Glenn and Rebecca floundered,
reeled, and slumped to the ground.
Juana concluded:
L'amour est enfant de Bohème
Il n'a jamais connu de loi!
Si tu m'aimes pas, je t'aime,
Si je t'aime, prends gard a toi![67]
Dana ended up in Logan's arms.
"And the winner is ..." Lola breathed anxiously ... "it's a tie!"
Amber cheered emphatically for Logan, and nobody knew why.
Dustin, Diego, and Tyler highfived like nobody's business.
86

link to page 80 link to page 83 link to page 86 link to page 86 link to page 86 Dana and Logan walked away with half of the trophy. "Don't think that I
like you just because ..." they boomed unison. Then they grabbed and
pulled each other into a kiss.
Zoey sighed. "I knew that I may rely on you, Chase."
"You've been the best! I just don't understand why Rebecca and Glen
slipped all of a sudden ..."
Dustin whistled innocently.
[63] cf. School Dance
[64] from iCarly Show : iCarly Saves TV
[65] from the opera Carmen by Georges Bizet
[66] Love is a wild, untamable bird. Calling him is pointless as he
conveniently refuses. Prayer and threat are for naugt. One talks well,
the other doesn't. I prefer the latter. He hasn't said ,zilch, but I like
him.
[67] Love is a gypsy child, not bound to law. If you don't love me, I love
you, and if I love you, beware!
Horror Trip I
"I hate economics!" Zoey declared at lunch. "Mr. Hodgens is such a
meanie! He made Stacey run away by insulting her top."
Chase nodded. "I've heard that he had already driven the pupils insane
like 50 years ago!"
Zoey choked. "50 years?"
"Like whom?" Addie wanted to know.
"Rumours have it that ..." Chase trembled "a certain Charles Galloway,
one day, got scared away by Hodgens, and, thereupon, disappeared into the
desert of desolation outside the PCA."
"Yeah!" Michael nodded. "To some place called Redstone Culch, wherever
that is. His corpse was never retrieved from the wastelands!"
Zoey coughed and choked noisily.
"We must explore whether those rumours are true!" Chase claimed.
Horror Trip I
87

link to page 94 "Do you really want to explore the wastelands?" Zoey asked.
"Will that bring me into TV?" Lola asked.
Michael : "Hardly!"
"Then I'm staying here in order to make out with Drake!" Lola beamed.
"And maybe also that Australian exchange guy, Lafe."
Dustin walked up to Zoey. "Hi sis!" He kissed her on the top of her head.
"Is it true that your evil teacher scares people into the wilderness,
where they disappear forever?"
Zoey choked. "Where did you here this? It's not meant for little boys!"
Dustin pouted.
"If I find a competent guide, I'll go and look for the destiny of Charles
Galloway!" Chase declared.
"Aw, I know a competent guide!" Dustin whistled appreciatively.
Chase beamed. "Who?"
"Josh Nichols!" Dustin boomed. "He's been a ranger scout when Megan was a
ranger freshman. Not that Megan appreciates this, but he is
competent![68]"
"Oh yeah!" Chase bounced around merrily. "That will fix the problem!"
"Galloway is said to have disappeared with all his belongings!" Michael
squealed.
Logan scratched his head. "Any valuables?"
Zoey glared oddly at Logan.
Nicole wondered. "Is Charles Galloway cute? May I date him? I love dating
cute boys!"
Zoey coughed. "First, you've already got Nicholas ..."
"It's impossible to date too many cute guys." Nicole beamed.
Zoey shook her head. "Aw Nicole ... even worse, if he hadn't yet died,
he'd be almost seventy years old!"
"Ouch!" Nicole bit her lips.
Dana hadn't said anything yet, but .... "Logan is too much of a chicken
to make it into the wastelands."
Horror Trip I
88

"I'm not!" Logan declared. "You are!"
"You wish, Reese!" Dana boomed.
Josh Nichols gathered the gang. "OK. I've made a checklist. We'll
regularly control the list of participants, so we won't lose anyone.
Chase Matthews ... Zoey Brooks ... Logan Reese ... Dana Cruz ... Michael
Barret ... Olivary Biallo ... Addie Singer ... Nicole Bristow ...
Nicholas Webber ... ah, that's it."
The gang found it boring, but with a conscientious guide like Josh, they
felt safe.
Dustin and Megan complained as they had been skipped.
"Megan, I've told you, this is not a trip for tweenies!" Josh boomed,
twitching insanely.
The kids pouted. They swore not to give up.
"Equipment control!" Josh continued. "Water ... ranger cookies ...
compass ... topographic map ...two-men tents ..."
"We can't have a sleepover in the wilderness!" Zoey objected. "Tomorrow,
we'll write our final test in economy which accounts for 60 per cent of
our term's mark! And if I don't get a B, I may forget about Harvard."
Josh nodded. "I hope that we won't have to, but we're better prepared!"
Zoey shrugged.
"Don't we need mustard?" Nicholas and Nicole asked unison.
Josh pondered. "Mustard? What the ..."
"What made you think about mustard?" Zoey asked Nicole.
"Lafe told us that we'd need it!" Nicholas answered.
Zoey shook her head. "Lafe may be cute, but Josh is smart, so better
listen to him!"
Nicole and Nicholas pouted.
"How about moonbars?" Olivary asked.
Josh shrugged. "If you want to ... btw. Mindy and Quinn sent me some of
their latest inventions. They might be useful."
The group started marching ahead.
89

link to page 94 The red hot sun burnt up the hill. Sweat kept on running. Only a tender
breeze coming in from the sea made the whole thing bearable..
Chase and Addie strummed their guitars.
I've been through the desert on a horse with no name
It felt good to be out of the rain
In the desert you can remember your name
cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain
La, la ...[69]
"How far are we still supposed to go?" Zoey asked.
Josh compared the map. He took his sextant and the compass. "Something is
going amiss here!"
Zoey was worried.
"Where did you get the maps from?" Chase asked.
"From the PCA library. But the general card here is by Ranger Captain
Kenny Billiam, Megan's teacher for history and geography." Josh
explained.
"Billy M. Who?" Michael asked.
"Not Billy M." Josh shook his head and twitched uncontrollably. "Billiam!
The greatest ranger master of California!"
Zoey shrugged. "Then they should be OK. What about your instruments?"
"I've used the sextant and the compass on a field trip to the Big Bear
..." Josh scratched his head. "It worked perfectly! I and Kenny, we
readjust it every other week, so ..."
Olivary boomed: "The moon will guide us!"
Michael nodded solemnly.
Chase stared oddly at the exotic guy.
"Trust the moon!" Olivary insisted, being seconded by Michael.
"If only we had listened to Lafe!" Nicholas sighed.
Nicole agreed. "We should have taken more mustard with us."
"Shut up! We don't need any mustard!" Logan boomed.
"I know what I'd do with mustard, right now!" Dana boasted.
90

link to page 95 "Yeah cutie?" Logan beamed.
Dana explained: "I'd palm Logan's face with it!"
"Wow!" Logan swooned. "That would make me even hotter! Don't you think
so, Zoey?"
"No, you jerk!" Zoey spat at Logan.
Josh wasn't happy when they argued. "We might be lost in the wilderness,
and you argue over mustard!"
Chase unpacked his cellular phone.
"The next spot is beyond reach! We can't use the cellular phones." Josh
explained.
Chase sighed.
"The WLAN of my laptop won't work either?" Zoey reasoned.
Josh nodded. "Sad, but true!"
I remember when Quinn connected a cellular phone and a laptop to increase
the range of a cellular phone![70] Dana remarked.
"She's a spaz!" Logan replied. "On the other hand, it worked!"
Dana nodded solemnly.
Josh scratched his head. "Sure! Why not?"
Michael pouted because he had to sacrifice his laptop, once more.
"Olivary comforted Michael. " As long as we've got the moon, we won't
need a laptop.
They stood in the same place for over an hour. Fixing the laptop and the
cellular phone was way harder than expected. Suddenly, two people
appeared in their traces.
"Dustin! What are yo doing here?" Zoey yelled with dismay.
Josh thought the same about Megan who walked by Dustin's side. "Aw
Megan!" And he had ordered Drake not to let Megan escape into the
wastelands. "I'm going to spank Drake left and right! He has probably
been making out with hot girls instead of ..."
"Don't worry. He just explores Lola's jaw with his tongue!" Megan
chuckled.
91

If there had been any wall, Josh would have banged his head against it.
Dustin and Megan chuckled even more. "Do you have difficulties finding
Redstone Culch?"
"Megan!" Josh boomed. "That isn't funny, is it? Have you dystoned the
sextant?"
Dustin snickered.
Megan shook her head. "I would never do that! Well, not these days. But
there's an idea for a future prank. Thanks, boob!" She grinned and
highfived Dustin.
Josh struggled with the laptop. "Those wires aren't anymore what they
used to be! The sun must have scrambled them!"
"Or maybe the sun has scrambled your brain?" Megan grinned evilly.
Dustin chuckled and highfived Megan.
"OK boobs, you may do whatever you want, Dustin and I, we will continue
to Redstone Culch!" Megan waved and lead Dustin along.
"Megan!" Josh screamed with despair.
"Come back, Dustin!" Zoey's voice was not powerful enough to break
Dustin's stride. "Sorry for my little brother ..."
"I will choke Drake if Megan gets lost!" Josh stomped his feet. "Time to
try some of Quinn's inventions. I'll explain you how they work ... first
we have a quinnoccular ..."
Most of the pupils did not want to hear any scientific explanation.
"The tomb must be right here!" Megan told Dustin.
"I smell rotten flesh!" Dustin nodded.
Megan and Dustin decided to dig.
"I've got a creepy feeling ..." Dustin confessed.
Megan nodded solemnly. "But now we've got to go through it. We haven't
made the long way up to here for naught!"
Megan and Dustin dug inch for inch.
"There it is!" Dustin smiled.
92

"It is some tomb ... but is it really that of Charles Galloway?" Megan
scrutinised the contents of the tomb. "A medallion!"
Dustin beamed. "Cool!"
They tried to make sense of the inscription. It was hardly readable.
Finally, the older pupils reached the tomb.
"What kept you up?" Megan taunted the exhausted and frightened highschool
pupils.
Josh looked sternly. Then he pointed his quinnoccular at the medallion.
"Yeah! This reads Charles Galloway!"
Everyone cheered.
"He may look through my trousers!" Chase squealed. "My boxers saved my
life!"
"OK, we've proved the legend, now we may return to the PCA. The test is
waiting ..." Zoey suggested.
"Put everything back into the tomb!" Josh commanded.
Logan had a somewhat different idea and grabbed the valuable medallion.
He hid it in his backpack.
The crew descended the sandy braes.
Suddely, a puple lightning flashed, and a taunting thunder roared. Voices
without an owner called upon the Lord. Dancing bones jumped up and
amoaned on the barren soil.
"Zoey, I'm afraid!" Dustin whimpered and snuggled close to his elder
sister.
In the same way, Megan clang tightly to Josh and squealed like a fury.
"Hey, what's going on?" Josh twitched like a fish.
"A tornado!" Chase screamed.
"A green tornado!" Addie added. "This can't be natural! Or maybe it is?"
"The moon is gone!" Olivary weeped piteously, infecting Michael.
"Is that your latest movie?" Dana asked Logan.
"Hey, I have no clue what's going on!" Logan shrugged with despair.
93

link to page 95 link to page 88 link to page 90 "The clouds look like a pack of demons!" Dustin squealed, not letting his
arms off Zoey.
Chase and Addie took their guitars and strummed them in order to calm the
crew.
Their brands were still on fire and their hooves were made of
steel
Their horns were black and shiny and their hot breath he could
feel
A bolt of fear went through him as they thundered through the
sky
For he saw the Riders coming hard and he heard their mournful
cry[71]
"Isn't that romantic?" Nicole asked Nicholas. "I like it!"
Nicholas agreed wholeheartedly.
Megan and Dustin refused to loosen their grip on Zoey and Josh,
respectively.
As the riders loped on by him he heard one call his name
If you want to save your soul from Hell a-riding on our range
Then cowboy change your ways today or with us you will ride
Trying to catch the Devil's herd, across these endless skies
Yippiayeehhhhh ... ghost riders is the sky!
Josh and Zoey couldn't help carrying the tweenies in their arms, the long
way down to Pepperdyne beach.
The tweenies passed out in the arms of the older kids.
When they finally reached the campus, they were all exhausted. But they
didn't have the feeling of safety. Indeed, the campus was enshrouded in a
horrifying mist.
Josh saw Drake and Lola making out, as he had expected. He slapped Drake
and placed Megan on his lap.
Zoey did the same with Dustin and Lola.
Alas, Lola and Drake were little affected by anything that had happened
to the crew.
[68] cf Drake & Josh : #1 Fan
[69] On A Horse With No Name by America - which I don't own
94

link to page 91 link to page 94 [70] cf. Little Beach Party
[71] Ghost Riders In The Sky by Johnny Cash - which I don't own
Horrortrip II
The pupils believed to be safe within the gates of the PCA, but were
they?
"Aaaargh!" Zoey screamed piteously.
Chase tried to calm her down, but he couldn't.
"A green monster!" Zoey screamed.
"What?" Chase wondered.
Zoey thought she was going insane. The monster wasn't there anymore. "But
I've really seen one ..."
"Zoey is afraid of monsters!" Logan boomed in a taunting manner, making
Dana poke his guts.
Stacey bounded in, screaming in agony. "Some icky green thing came in and
stole my cotten swabs!" Stacey weeped piteously. "Aw Logan Reese! Would
you please retrieve my cotton swabs, you manly man?"
Logan taunted Stacey ... again.
"I don't know what that green stuff is ..." Josh reasoned. "But there has
to be a scientific explanation!" He twitched. "Definitely!"
"What if it's a ghost?" Michael wondered. "I mean ... there are no
ghosts, but what if?"
"Stop talking such a confuse stuff!" Logan remarked. "Zoey and Stacey are
just whiners"
Josh took his cellular phone, pushing the buttons. "Hi Mindy ... this is
Josh ... strange things are going on over here, and I need a scientific
explanation. The others start believing in ghosts and similar humbug ...
yeah, OK, that would be nice! I love you!" He sighed with relief. "OK,
Quinn has prepared something that should help us. It's still in 101, with
Lisa Zemo and Mary Ferry."
Zoey's face relaxed. "OK, let's pester Lisa and Mary!"
Horrortrip II
95

link to page 101 Evelyn Kwong opened the door for Josh, Zoey, Michael, and Nicole. Since
the deaprture of Mindy, Quinn, Craig, and Eric, it was Evelyn who held
the pole position on the honours list. Her only serious competitor was
Josh Nichols.
"Are Mary and Lisa here?" Josh asked.
Before answereing, Evelyn grabbed Josh, "Kiss me,you dork!"
Josh twitched like an eel.
Mary told Evelyn to loosen her grip on Josh. "OK, what's up?"
Josh sighed. "People believe there's a ghost around. I've asked Mindy,
she believes it is astral ectoplasm. ..."
Mary nodded. "There are ghosts in medieval fantasy games, but not at the
PCA. And yeah, I remember that Quinn and Lisa ..." She made Lisa Zemo
wake up.
"Oh, is it already ..." Lisa wondered.
Mary shook her head. "No, but some ectoplasmatic phenomenon has been
sighted. We need that cobaltine jellicose!"
Lisa nodded. "OK, in a few minutes ..."
"Colbaltine jellicose ... aw ... I love cobaltine jellicose. It sounds
like cute boys, Don't you love it too?" Nicole beamed brightly. "Er, what
is cobaltine jellicose?"
Lisa and Mary prepared two crystal balls filled with that gelatineous
substance. "We've only got that much!" Lisa warned Josh. "Get your safest
thrower to ..."
Michael nodded. "I'll take care of that. Logan is still a bit ...
distracted." He shrugged.
Michael whistled, making Zoey sing along.
If there's something strange in your naighbourhood
Whom will you call? Ghost Busters!
An invisible man sleeping in your bed.
Whom will you call? Ghsots Busters!
I ain't afraid of no ghost[72]
Michae aimed well and fired ... yet the ghost or whatever it was didn't
really budge, kjust twitch like Josh.
Logan accused Michael of having squandered their last chance.
96

Michael denied that it was his fault as he had struck well.
For that reason, Michael and Logan jumped at each other's throat.
Logan, bag dropped to the floor during their combat.
Zoey called Body Slam Bubba in order to divide the combattants.
At the same time, Dustin and Megan entered that loung, trembling like
leaves in the gale.
"The ghostriders were already scary," Megan admitted unto Dustin, "but
when I woke up, I had to watch the boob with his tongue stuck in Lola's
mouth ..."
Dustin nodded. "True. That was so creepy ..."
"If only I caught the sucker who put us on Drake's and Lola's lap,
respectively." Megan clenched her trembling fists.
Dustin nodded. Then he saw Logan's bag. "Hey, isn't that Charles
alloway's amulet?"
"By Jove it is!" Megan was astonished. "How does it get there? We've
agreed on ..."
Zoey and Michael heard it.
"Logan! If the ghost doesn't kill us all off, I will kill you!" Zoey
swore.
Logan shrugged. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"I'll help you, Zoey!" Michael offered.
"OK!" Zoey accepted.
Logan ran cowardly away.
"Dustin wrapped his arms tightly around Zoey's waist." I'm scared, sis!
Megan did the same with Josh.
Zoey had finally succumbed to believe in a supernatural connection. "The
medallion must be the reason! The ghost is after the medallion!"
"I won't take the medallion back to Redstone Culch!" Michael and Chase
squealed unison.
Paige Howard bounded in. "I admit it ... science can't explain
everything!"
97

Zoey agreed with Paige.
"So yeah ... I know only one of person who is not scared by the
supernatural!" Paige declared.
Megan looked quizzically at Dustin, and vice versa.
"Nicole's brother ... he isn't afraid of Death and Satan!" Dustin
stammered.
"He always claims that and prays a lot ..." Megan explained.
"Nicole!" Zoey yelled at her former room-maid.
Nicole scratched her head. "Any cute boys around?"
Zoey was annoyed. "No, but do you know where Reginald is hanging out
now?"
Nicole pondered. "Reginald isn't cute, but I love him anyways. Isn't he
downright likable? Tell me how sweet he is!"
"Nicole!" Zoey was upset. "That's absolutely immaterial! Where is he?"
"Oh ..." Nicole pondered. "He's probably in the attic of Dustin's dorm
hall and meditating or reading some good book ..."
Paige, Megan, and Dustin went looking for him.
"As a girl of science, don't you have to claim that there are no ghosts?"
Dustin asked Paige.
"There is no proof that they exist!" Paige remarked. "On the other hand,
there isn't any proof that they don't exist, either ..."
Megan scratched her chin. "Cool!" She thought about tormenting Drake and
Josh with spooky illusions. But first she had to survive tha creepy hell.
"Physics may just prove that there is no physical existence at the bottom
of ghost penomena, but why should there be? Ghosts are by definition not
physical!" Paige remarked.
Dustin and Megan nodded.
They found Reginald reading a strange book and praying something.
Paige blushed. She didn't want to be the first to talk to Reginald. "I
don't dare to break his concentration ... he might be in some
ritualprayer."
98

link to page 101 link to page 101 Megan shrugged. Alas, the life of the PCA was at stake. "Reggie, listen,
we don't want to disturb you, but ..."
"Oh, Megs, Dustin, Paige ... I was just learning some ancient formula"
Reginald stammered. He wasn't very talkative, anyways.
Paige sighed with relief. "OK. You know about phantasms and the undead
..." She was still a science girl, but she accepted Reginald's view.
Maybe it was just a different way of expressing the same things?
According to Einstein[73] science needs religion, and vice versa. Paige
deprecated boldly the arrogant reductionism of Steven Weinberg , Richard
Dawkins, and similar chief scientists.
Reginald nodded timidly.
Dustin dared to continue. "OK, Reggie, we think that there's something
going on outside that might be a ghost or a wraith or something like
that."
Megan told the story about their excursion to Redstone Culch, and why
they thought that the medallion that Logan stole from the tomb had been
at the centre of the inflict.
Reginald nodded. He concentrated briefly, whereupon he walked out on the
campus.
Megan, Paige, and Dustin didn't follow him past a certain point. Could a
few prayers really bring about the bannishment of the green ethereal
being?
Reginald kneeled down before the centre of the green tornado. He was
sucked away.
Nicole screamed in agony when she saw what was about happening to her
brother.
Reginald, in the eye of the undefinable phenomenon, started chanting.
There's a watcher waiting at the edge of the world
With his thoughts that never darken when the lights go down
In the rhythm of the living and the shifting tribes
Through the cities of destruction in our graceless times.
For the universe and the stars are around you now
But the healer in your heart is only breath away.
There is silence and there's blindness in a raging world
But the healer in your heart is only a moment away![74]
When Reginald was done chanting those lines, the undefinable green stuff
had dissipated.
99

Zoey sighed with relief."So we don't have to return the medallion to
Redstobe Culch? Is Galloway buried in the past forever?"
Dustin shrugged."According to Reggie,the curse will be upon the PCA as
long as zeal and greed rule over it. And it will be on mankind as long as
it hosts greed and zeal, the columns of capitalist economy."
"There's nothing wrong with capitalism!" Logan complained.
"Logan!" Zoey glared at him. "You're still not safe from our wrath! So
better keep quiet!"
"Economy ... that reminds me of ..." Chase stammered.
Zoey nodded. "Our test! And we hadn't taken the time to prepare for it!
Hodgens will have to give us a bad mark!"
Michael sighed. "Correct! I still haven't understood how our economy
works ..."
"The ghost of Charles Galloway has devastated block 5" Chase remarked.
"So there's some hope left that we can't get to our classes and the test
will be postponed."
"Forget it!" Zoey replied. "Hodgens will never postpone anything. Not
even Vietnam had made him budge!"
Michael nodded. "It's hopeless ..."
"And if I fail this class, I won't make it to Harvard!" Zoey weeped
piteously. And my grandparents will be disappointed!
Megan and Dustin smirked. Their hope wasn't yet dead. But they refused to
tell anything to the older pupils.
Stacey was the first in the horribly devastated classroom. "I hate green
tornadoes! All my swabs are scattered across the campus! And I've broken
several libs!"
Chase, Logan, Michael, Nicole, Nicholas, Dana, Addie, and Olivary
believed to be late for the test. Alas, Mr. Hodgens wasn't there.
"Mr. Hodgens has never been late!" Chase remarked. "Not once in over 50
years!"
Zoey shrugged.
Michael agreed with Chase.
100

link to page 96 link to page 99 link to page 99 Beverly, the secretary of Dean Carl Rivers, bounded in. "OK, kids, it
seems that the economy classes are to be canceled for quite some time!"
"Quite some time?" Zoey was astonished.
Beverly nodded. "Well, yeah ... we don't know how to explain it, but Mr.
Hodgens is now in rehab. He pretends that he has seen ghosts and other
stuff that doesn't exist! And he had never ever believed in the
supernatural!"
Michael agreed. Why Mr. Hodgens? We, he was now going to enjoy a few
hours of cancelled classes.
Zoey sighed with utter relief.
Dustin and Megan bounded in.
Dustin huggled Zoey. "Hi sis! I hope you enjoy Mr. Hodgens's absense."
Zoey scratched her chin. "How do you know ..."
Dustin and Megan whistled innocently.
" Aw, you brother of a bitch!" She smiled at Dustin.
Megan grabbed Dustin. "We still have to figure who is responsible for
placing us onto Drake's and Lola's lap, respectively."
Dustin nodded. He saw Zoey going pale. "Zoey, you ... "
As fast as a flash of lightning, Zoey paced out onto the campus, as she
feared Megan's revenge more than 1000 ghostriders, and so did Josh.
[72] Ghost Busters by The Rasmus - which I don't own either
[73] the usual quote is doubtful and often abused, though
[74] Healer in your Heart by Runrig
Chain Reaction
Zoey was desperate. She had obtained both her dad's and Dean Rivers'
permit to take a field trip to a library downtown tonight where J.T.
Hawthorne, one of Zoey's favourite novelists, was going to present her
latest novel and selling some autographed copies of it. Zoey couldn't
dare to miss out on that occasion! Unfortunately, the time table of the
local buses was very sparse on Saturdays. Zoey did have a learner's
Chain Reaction
101

permit, but she had not yet found the time to take driving lessons. She
wanted to do that during the subsequent vacations. Hence, she needed
someone to give her a lift downtown and back. This was particularly hard
because one of the teachers had just given birth to a baby, thus unable
to drive a car. Zoey's next guess was Coco Wexler, or, as she would be
named soon, Coco Nichols.
"I Hate that green stuff!" Coco complained while eating some lettuce.
"I'll give you a lift provided that ..."
"What?"Zoey was anxious.
"I want ravioli, made according to the recipe of the Barret family!" Coco
looked like a zombie due to ORD - i.e. Obsessive Ravioli Disorder.
Zoey sighed. She went over to the lounge in order to ask Michael.
"Sorry Zoey!" Michael shrugged. "I have to help Stacey building the
pyramids of Gizeh ... with cotton swabs, I hate Cotton swabs!" He moaned.
"Along came Stacey Dillsen." Michael! Come back to our desk!
Zoey understood what was going on. "Stacey, please, I desperately need
Michael's ravioli, for Coco ..."
Stacey sneered. "Hey! You want Michael to cook ravioli, I want to date
Logan Reese! he's so sexy!"
"Dana wants him too!" Zoey shrugged. "And she would be very angry if ..."
"No Logan for me, no pyramids for Michael, no ravioli for Coco, no ..."
Stacey scoffed.
"No J.T. Hawthorne for me ..." Zoey sighed and weeped softly.
"If Zoey found some other idiot to help you, would you ..." Michael
suggested.
Stacey nodded. "Sure!"
Zoey was buffled. Who would sacrifice his weekend in order to help Stacey
building a pyramid, made of nothing but cotton swabs and white glue? She
pondered. Fortunately, she knew one warmhearted Samaritan. Zoey pushed
the buttons on her tek-mate. "Hi Josh, this is Zoey ... no, I've made it
to a B+ in chemistry, thanks! I have got some other problem. Would you
please help Stacey build a sculpture of the pyramids of whosoever? ...
Tonight and early tomorrow ... what? You can't?" Zoey sighed with
despair. "He may do so tomorrow, but tonight it's impossible!" Zoey
wondered what Josh might have been up to. He was probably dating Mindy.
They didn't have enough time for that since Mindy transferred to the
102

Caltech, along with Quinn. Whatever, it wasn't Zoey's business, so she
refrained from investigating any further. "Thanks anyways!" Her despair
grew deeper and deeper. She had to try yet another one. Why not Dustin?
She pushed the buttons. "Hi bro! Do you have time tonight to ... oh, I
forgot, your talent show, sorry ..." Zoey banged her head against the
next wall. She needed to ask someone else ... Chase! Once more, the keys
of her handheld phone went busy. "Oh, hi Chase ... have you got some time
tonight in order to help a damsel in distress? Please! ... in my dorm? Aw
sure, I'll be there!" Zoey breathed thoroughly and walked away, after
waving at Michael.
Chase and Addie worked on a new song.
The door went open, and Zoey walked in.
Chase startled. "Zoey?"
Shaking her head, Zoey had to chuckle. "Chase, that's my dorm, and I've
even warned you ... so are you and Addie dating here secretly?"
Addie blushed.
Chase let his head hang. "Zoey! I'm hiding here from the freak gang!"
"The freaks?" Zoey grinned.
"Firewire, Duane Ogilvy, and their cartoon- and RP loving friends." Chase
sighed deeply. "As you know, my uncle had that shop selling cartoons, and
I've worked for him on and off. I came to read a bunch of cartoons from
the nineties, and I remember quite a few details. This impressed them,
and now I can't get rid of them."
Addie nodded. "They are obnoxious! Fortunately, most of them are allergic
against girls, thus they don't enter the girls' dorm. But once Chase
moves out ..."
Zoey agreed. "OK, I understand. So, if I get the freaks to leave you in
piece, you may help Stacey to build the pyramids?"
Chase nodded wholeheartedly.
"I'll help Chase!" Addie offered.
"Whatever!" Zoey shrugged. "I knew that I could rely on you!"
103

Zoey approached Firewire. "OK, Wayne!"
"Firewire!" Wayne Gilbert protested.
"Anyways ... would you please leave Chase in peace?" Zoey begged.
Firewire chuckled noisily. "Only if ... if you give me Quinndoze QP ...
Quinn's program. It's the best ever!"
Zoey pondered. "I'll call Quinn!" She pushed the buttons again ... was
this ever coming to an end? "Oh hi Mindy! This is Zoey Brooks from the
PCA ...Is Quinn with you? ... Damn, she has to fetch her first." Zoey
felt valuable minutes passing away like snowflakes in a blast furnace.
"OK, Quinn ... yes, Nevel is doing fine! ... Firewire needs your
software, Quinndoze QP , or he will keep on torturing Chase who won't
help Stacey building the pyramids, preventing her from letting Michael
cook ravioli for Coco, in turn for giving me a lift downtown. I'll die
unless I meet J.T. Hawthorne ... What? Dork del Figgalo poured oyster
sauce over your harddrive? And Mindy is not going to date Josh tonight?
... Sorry, guys, there is no QP. It's gone down the drain."
"OK, then we won't budge from Chase!" Firewire confirmed.
Zoey had yet one last idea. She pushed even more buttons. "Lisa! You've
helped Quinn testing her software ...yeah, could you do that? Thanks!
You're so great!" Zoey sighed with relief.
Ten minutes later, Lisa Zemo arrived. "OK, Firewire? I may rewrite the
whole thing, just for you."
Firewire beamed. "May I watch, help, and learn?" He had almost forgotten
that he hated girls.
"That would be great!" Lisa Zemo smiled.
Firewire couldn't help pecking Lisa on the cheeks. "I love you!" He
blushed deeply.
Zoey smiled and sighed in relief.
"Just to make it clear!"Arthur insisted in one thing: "We will leave
Chase alone once Firewire and Lisa are done, and not one second too
early!"
"How long may it last?" Zoey asked Lisa.
The geek girl shrugged. "Until midnight? It took Quinn 24 hours
straight..."
Zoey's hopes sank below the freezing point. She had to hope that they
were a lot faster than planned. Now she decided to visit Dustin and wish
104

him good luck for the talent shop.
"Dustin! Good luck for the show!" Zoey huggled her little brother and
kissed him on the top of his head. "What are you showing?"
"I'm sawing virgins!" Dustin beamed.
"Oh cool? As long as you don't cut me into half ..." Zoey remarked.
"Are you a virgin?" Dustin asked innocently.
Zoey blushed. "I won't answer to that question, not before all the
strangers here, anyways!"
"OK sis!" Dustin sighed. "First, I wanted to divide my friend scooter ...
the guy with the girl's wig ... but he's just a plain coward!" he sighed.
"I wanted Lola because this would make me cool, most middle school boys
are obsessed with her ..."
"Oh, they are?" Zoey moaned sarcastically. "I think she will appreciate
that ..."
But Lola needs to guard the baby of some teacher. Now Reginald offered
himself. Ashley just needs to get him yet another girl's wig.
Freddie walked around, aiming his cam at the box. "I definitely would
like to see Sam in pieces!"
"And vice versa!" Sam replied.
Megan, Carly, and Paige walked up to the stage. They explained that they
were going to assist Sam performing some other trick.
"Josh is a great illusionist, almost like Doheny. I've learnt a lot from
him!" Megan explained. "Oh, Josh, here we are!"
Josh Nichols stepped ahead. "Megan, good luck for the show, you will need
it!"
"Thanks, boob!" Megan smiled. "Good luck tonight!"
Now Zoey wanted to know where Josh was bound for. "Mindy said that you
are not going to date tonight! So you must have time to help Stacey ..."
Josh twitched and shook his head. "Mindy? ... I've never said that I'm
going to meet Mindy tonight!"
Megan nodded. "He won't!"
105

Zoey was totally confused. Unless Lisa and Firewire effected some
miracle, she could forget about J.T. Hawthorne.
"The reason why I can't help Stacey is ..." Josh sighed deeply. "tonight,
one of my favourite novelists is coming to town. I need to shake my
booties at 6.p.m. in order to make it there in time!"
"Er ... your favourite author ... is that , by any chance, J.T.
Hawthorne?" Zoey wondered.
Josh nodded. "Oh yeah, that's her! Now I must hurry up ..."
"Wait!" Zoey begged Josh. "Are you going there alone or ..."
Josh shook his head. "All alone! Nobody but me seems to like J.T.
Hawthorne. And she's so ... almost like Oprah Winfrey, the divine one."
He twitched uncontrollably.
"Nobody would come to a library with a bigheaded boob!" Megan boomed.
"Josh! I want to get there, too." Zoey sighed. "I adore J.T. So you have
still got some free seat left?"
Josh twitchewd. "Oh, sorry for not coming out earlier. What are you
waiting for?"
Zoey beamed brightly. She grabbed Josh, and they walked off. No software
for Firewire, no peace for Chase, Michael will have to help Stacey, no
ravioli for Coco ... but J.T. for Zoey, and that's all what counted.
Finally, the show started.
"PCA Entertainment Channel. This is Jeremiah Trottman. I've got some good
news: Lola Martinez is not here." Trottman sighed. "The bad news: She
will arrive later tonight. We are reporting about the PCA Middle School
Talent Show. Our first contestant is Dustin Brooks, he's going to saw a
virgin!"
The audience applauded.
Alas, Nicole protested. "Hey! You can't saw my brother into half! Get out
of there, Reginald! It's dangerous!"
Dustin knew that it wasn't dangerous, but he could impossibly betray his
own trick, just in order to calm Nicole.
Alas, Reginald did not react to Nicole's bimboish shouts. He had learnt
to ignore them.
Diego held Nicole back. "Shut up, you silly wench!"
106

"Ouch!" Nicole pouted and sneered.
Fake blood splattered when Dustin cut through the box.
Nicole fainted and passed out.
Many others tried to compete with Dustin and Reginald, but ...
"The audience has decided!" Jeremiah announced.
Lola, who had just come back from babysitting, took the microphone. "And
the winner is: Dustin Brooks and his assistant Reginald Bristow!"
Nicole woke up and saw Reginald holding the trophy. "Oh ... I've dreamt
that someone has sawed Reginald into half ... Whatever, I'm proud of
you!" She smiled. "Isn't Reginald very cool? Tell me how cool he is!"
Zoey and Josh returned from downtown. "Dustin! I knew that you would make
it!" She smiled brightly.
Dustin huggled Zoey.
Josh was sad that Megan had not won.
"Hey! We've got this wonderful second prize!" Megan remarked. "And Dustin
deserved it, really! And so did Reginald"
Sam, Carly, and Paige agreed with their friend.
"Zoey, I've recorded Dustin's performance on DVD, just for you!" Freddie
beamed.
"Thanks! You're very nice." Zoey shook Freddie's hand.
Nevel and Megan played the triumphal ode from Giusepe Verdi's Aidafor
Dustin and Reginald. Juanita sang along.
Chase entered the hall and yelled: "Finally free! Zemo has rewritten
Quinn's program from scratch. Michael may now start cooking his ravioli
for Coco!"
Too bad, the latter was already cramping, aching, and whimpering in agony
due to severe withdrawal from ravioli. And Michael was too tired for
cooking - after having glued swabs for eight hours straight.
Zoey shrugged. "Serves her well!"
107

Barbecue Chaos
Dustin ran screaming into Zoey's dorm, trailed by Carly, Sam, and
Freddie. "Uncle Morris is dead!"
Zoey wondered. "We've got an uncle Morris?"
Dustin shrugged. "No more, as it seems ... but he seems to have been
involved in the meat industry ..."
Zoey had no clue. "How do you know?"
"Look at that delivery van!" Dustin stepped up to the window.
Zoey choked. "Slabby Ribs? A whole van load?" She coughed. "We can't keep
that much in here!"
"I know where to keep them!" Sam bellowed." She pointed at her stomach."
"Hey! Why not make a barbecue festival?" Dustin suggested.
Sam beamed brightly.
Zoey nodded. "That's a great idea!"
Dean Rivers entered the lounge. "Brooks, your barbecue event has been
approved. Coco Wexler will supervise it. But look whom I've found here
..."
A mid-aged man entered the lounge. "Hey!"
"Pierre Le Mange from cooking channel!" Dean Rivers presented him. "He'll
be the chief of the jury for the barbecue festival!"
Zoey greeted Le Mange. "OK, and Coco will be his assistant."
Carly greeted Le Mange in a friendly manner, too.
Michael beamed. "Finally, I may please the world with grandma's barbecue
sauce!"
Logan sneered. "That's nothing compared to the world-famous Reese Rib
Rub!"
Sam pulled Carly away. "I tell you something. The cooking channel is my
favourite show ..."
Carly chuckled. "And why am I not really surprised?"
Barbecue Chaos
108

link to page 115 link to page 115 Sam pouted. "I've been watching it day and night. Thence I've seen Pierre
Le Mange a gazillion of times on TV."
Carly scratched her head. "Wow, that's a surprise!" She chuckled even
more.
"And I tell you ..." Sam breathed happily. "This guy over there is not, I
repeat: not Pierre Le Mange!"
Carly almost shrieked. "What?"
"He can't fool the most dedicated watcher of the cooking channel!"Sam
stated.
Carly scratched her head. "May you prove that he's an imposter?"
Sam shrugged. "Someone must build him a trap!" Sam chuckled. "But not
before I'm stuffed with barbecue ribs!"
Carly shook her head. "Aw Sam!"
"Michael's barbecue sauce is yummy and sticky." Sam bellowed. "Let me
show it ..." She took one piece of a rib and pressed it against Freddie's
cheek. It didn't fall off, proving Sam's statement. [75]
Freddie was dismayed. He took anounce of Logan's Rib Rub and stuck it
into Sam's nose, making her sneeze.
At the same time, Logan and Michael argued over barbecue techniques.
Logan insulted Michael's grandma, while Michael made fun of Logan's spice
mix. Thereupon, Michael had rubbed Chase's chest with rib rub, whereas
Logan palmed Michael's face with his grandma's barbecue sauce.
Zoey and Chase had to intervene. "It seems we can't work together here.
We need to build several teams."
Drake and Josh were desperate. They tried to get Megan to join their
team.
"Why do you think I should work with you boobs in one team?" Megan asked
them.
Drake and Josh had painful memories of the times when they didn't.[76]
"OK, I'll help you!" Megan announced. "But where is Lola?"
Drake sighed. "She says she has to stay slim for her next role. And
barbecue ribs are too seductive!"
Megan nodded. "OK, boobs!"
109

Chase had finally sorted it out. "Logan, Sam, and I, we are one team.
Zoey, Freddie, and Michael are on another."
They all agreed.
Dustin and Carly met in some corner.
"If Sam says that Le Mange is a fake, I believe her." Dustin said.
Carly nodded. "Sam may be rude and aggressive all the way, but she's not
a liar."
"But how are we supposed to dismantle the fake Le Mange?" Dustin
pondered.
Carly scratched her chin. "We'll have to borrow Tyler from Megan. I think
he's the perfect trapper."
Dustin nodded.
Sam saw shirtless Gibby crossing the campus. "Hey! Wait, Gibby! I need to
fill your pants with barbecue sauce! And then you'll get your daily
wedgie bounce!"
"PCA General Channel. This is Jeremiah Trottman. Today we report about
the first barbecue Rib Festival here at the PCA." Jeremiah choked in the
usual way when he had to introduce his co-commentator: "Lola Martinez!"
Dean River delivered yet another boring sermon before the festival was
officially opened.
Some pupils had found their barbecue partners only during the opening
ceremony.
"Nicole?" Dana asked with dismay.
"Dana?!" Nicole coughed and choked noisily. "Ouch!"
Alas, they had a third partner in their team.
"Hi Dana and Nicole!" Stacey squealed. "What do you think of my barbecue
set made of cotton swabs and white clue?"
Nicole and Dana were not interested. "We don't care!" Having declared
that unison, they stared at each other, as they had hardly ever been of
one opinion.
"Pierre Le Mange is cute! Isn't he cute? Tell me how cute he is!" Nicole
swooned.
110

"And his arrrrms!" Stacey squealed with ecstacy. "Maybe some day I'll be
Mrs. Stacey Le Mange!" Stacey kissed her cotton swab model.
"You're sick!" Dana declared. "Both of you! Le Mange is just a jerk!"
"Yeah," Nicole admitted, "but a cute jerk"
"And so incredibly hoooot!" Stacey swooned.
"Once more ..." Dana bellowed. "What drug are you on?"
"May you please squirt my ribs with mustard?" Stacey begged Nicole and
Dana who were close to let their catfight escalate. "They taste bland
without mustard. Hello ... please ... just a little squirt!"
"Sure!" Dana replied. She took a mustard bucket. Then she pulled Stacey's
top and palmed her chest all over with mustard, from top to bottom.
"There you are, you crazy wench!"
Stacey screamed piteously.
"Our first contestant is Team Ribs And Swabs, with Dana Cruz, Stacey
Dillsen, and Nicole Bristow." Jeremiah announced.
Stacey had barely recovered from the dismay when Le Mange stood in front
of her. "Hi Pierre! Look what I've made for you!" She handed him her
model.
Le Mange feigned being pleased. "Oh, thanks, that's what I've always
wanted!" He plastered a fake smile when he took the model and dropped it
behind his back, without Stacey noticing.
Stacey squealed ecstatically. "I told you ..."
Dana handed a piece of a rib unto Pierre Le Mange.
"So, what do you think of it?" Lola asked Le Mange.
"Not too bad!" He smiled. But then he noticed that there was something
hidden in the dressing. "What's that? A cotton swab?" He discarded it
with disgust. "Disqualified!"
Stacey weeped in agony. Nicole and Dana accused each other and started
fighting.
Zoey and Chase intervened and separated the two of them. "Sorry for our
friends!"
Le Mange shrugged and walked on.
"The next contestant is some ... Tyler!" Lola announced.
111

link to page 115 "Here! My own creation, with jalapeno rub!" Tyler announced proudly.
Le Mange bit it and purred contentedly. "Yummy! ... 9 points!"
"We've heard it! Tyler has just set a new land mark!" Lola beamed.
Le Mange walked on.
Tyler took his cellular phone. "Hi Sam ... you've been right ... OK, I'll
tell Carly! Roger and over!" He pushed the buttons.
Le Mange arrived at the table of Logan, Chase, and Sam. "A napkin,
please!"
Logan smiled and handed the chef a paper napkin. A banknote of 100 bucks
was hidden inside. "Sure, Sir!" He smiled.
"Thanks!" Le Mange beamed.
Chase handed Le Mange a half-gnawed rib. "Where's the rest gone?" He
whispered into Logan's ear.
Logan shrugged helplessly.
Sam burped rudely and purred.
Pierre Le Mange chewed a bit at the remains of the rib. "Tastes like 9.6
points!"
"Wow!" Lola squealed. "Logan's world-famous rib rub has really cut it!"
"Don't worry, boob!" Megan whispered to Drake and Josh. "Reese can't
win!"
"How do you know?" Josh wondered.
Megan whistled innocently.
"What's that green stuff we use for the ribs?" Drake wondered.
"It's tapenade, a recipe from Nevel's mom!" Megan explained. "Squished
garlic, capers, and olives. Nothing illegal."
Drake shrugged ignorantly.
Suddenly, Officer Stu Stimpler [77] appeared. "Stop! This man is under
arrest!"
Carly and Dustin followed Stimpler.
112

"We've been looking for that imposter for like two years." Stimpler told
Rivers. "He's coming to every food festival and rips them all off."
Dean Rivers was dismayed. "I'm such a fool!"
"Fortunately, your pupils are smarter." Stu looked at Dustin and Carly.
"Howe did you recognise the fraud?" Rivers needed to know.
Dustin and Carly explained: "The real Pierre Le Mange is allergic to
jalapeno. This imposter obviously isn't, as proven by Tyler's jalapeno
rub!"
Dean Rivers admired the wit of his pupils.
Dustin hugged Carly and vice versa. Both of them blushed slightly.
Coco weeped.
Dean Rivers shrugged. "How are we going to continue?"
"With the REAL Pierre Le Mange, of course!" Dustin said.
Carly announced: "And there he is!"
"Sorry, the events are getting out of control ..." Jeremiah squealed.
"The police has just arrested an imposter, and now there's the real guy!"
"The imposter had tied and locked him into a wardrobe ..." Stimpler
explained.
Megan passed a note to Lola. "OK, Logan, what is the secret of your rib
rub? I've heard that it's world famous!"
"Only the world's most famous spices are used!" Logan boasted. "The most
exclusive ingredient is Peruvian puff pepper!"
Dean Rivers intervened. "Sorry, Mr. Le Mange, but, isn't that illegal?
I've heard it causes kidney failure!"
"Oh, indeed, I've heard that it does!" Le Mange admitted. "Sorry, but
team Reese is disqualified!"
Logan and Chase were immediately at each other's throat.
"Hey! Stop it!" Sam told her comrades, alas, this was in vain. "Uhm, did
you say ... kidney failure?" She fainted, all of a sudden. She had eaten
most of the ribs in no time. Now she expected to be deadly sick.
The true Le Mange repeated the tour and finally came to a conclusion.
113

"The second prize goes to team Michael Barret!" Trottman announced.
Zoey, Michael, and Freddie cheered.
"The first prize goes to ... Drake Parker, Joshua Nichols, and Megan
Parker!" Lola declared. Then she stepped up to Drake and smooched the
hell out of him.
Drake and Josh took Megan into their middle and squeezed her joyfully.
"Aw boob! Would you please stop it?" Megan boomed. "Now I have to burn my
clothes. Too many boob germs. As you see, we may win anything we want, as
long as you leave it all to me!"
"Aw Megan!" Josh and Drake moaned unison.
"Sorry, boobs, now I need to take care of poor Sam!" Megan announced.
"Drake, Lola ... sorry to butt in, but ..." Josh twiched. "You've got
some tapenade all over your face!"
Megan waved and walked to Sam. "There's a great miraculous remedy against
puff pepper."
Sam, who was already totally pale, wondered what this might be.
"It's the world-famous Benson Belly Rub!" Megan smirked.
"What?" Freddie and Sam remarked unison, totally disgusted.
"Freddie needs to rub Sam's belly as tenderly as possible, and the
failure will disappear!" Megan insisted.
"Do it!" Carly boomed at Freddie. "If you ever liked me, you will do that
for my best friend!"
Against better judgement, Freddie started to rub Sam's tummy.
"OK, Dustin ... Carly ..."Megan whispered to her friends. "Actually, Sam
has eaten as much from Logan's as from Michael's ribs. The Barret
Barbecue marinade neutralises the Reese rib rub. If Sam feels bad, it's
all imagination, or she has just eaten too much. Way too much, plain and
simple." She chuckled. "I've counterchecked in advance with Dr. Birnbaum
from our medical station."
Dustin and Carly glared at Megan. "Aw you're ...one sister of a boob!"
They chuckled merrily.
"But it's so cute watching the bickering frenemies do something good to
each other!" Megan remarked with mischief in her eyes.
114

link to page 109 link to page 109 link to page 112 Dustin and Carly agreed wholeheartedly.
Sam moaned rudely when Freddie massaged her tummy, but it didn't really
feel that bad. Sam almost liked it, and her stomach ached less and less.
Of course she was not going to admit to that.
[75] cf. iCarly Show : iCarly Saves TV
[76] cf. Drake & Josh : Peruvian Puff Pepper
[77] from iCarly Show : iStakeOut
Shinyusha
Logan unpacked a parcel that he had just received from Japan where
Malcolm Reese was making a movie.
"Yeah! The J Phone!" He boasted unto Chase and Michael. "It's illegal in
the USA, so don't tell around."
"What does it do?" Chase wondered.
"It downloads my favourite movies!" Logan beamed.
"Wow! "Michael beamed. "That's drippin! ... But how does it know which
movies you like?"
Logan shrugged. "Artificial intelligence? You have to ask Firewire or
some other obnoxious geek."
"Lisa Zemo isn't obnoxious ..." Chase objected. " and drippin isn't a
word!"
"I've ordered this movie, Shinyusha, along with the phone ... it is
illegal in most states, including Puerto Rico!" Logan boasted.
"Let's watch it!" Michael insisted. It must be a drippin movie!
They agreed on that.
Zoey was enjoying a good foot massage, along with Lola.
"Poor Quinn! I guess she can't afford that because she'd have to pat for
11 toes!" Lola smirked.
Shinyusha
115

Zoey nodded. Suddenly, her phone rang. "Zoey Brooks ... yeah, Carly? ...
Dustin is what? ... I know, boys are often so dickheaded ... I do
understand! Yes, I'll be there in a bit. Thanks for the information!"
"Is something wrong with Dustin?" Lola wondered.
Zoey nodded."He and Sam ... they are watching a horror movie, with Logan,
Chase, and Michael. "
Lola looked dismayed.
"Lola, by Jove, I tell you ... Logan, Michael, and Chase will be so
awfully sorry!" Zoey swore. She interrupted her pedicure. "Sorry, it's a
case of emergency!"
Lola followed Zoey when she walked towards the boys' dorm.
"Hey! all my potato snacks are gone!" Michael complained.
Sam burped rudely. "I know! Excellent quality!" She chuckled without a
trace of remorse.
Michael was upset. "Aw you ..."
Suddenly, the door was almost smashed into smithereens.
Zoey's voice thundered from beyond. "Hey! I know what's going on here!"
Chase was intimidated and opened for Zoey.
Dustin pouted."Traitor!"
Michael shook his head. "Chase is still Zoey's mindless slave!"
Logan nodded. "He'll never be a real man! Even thousands of horror movies
won't change that!"
Zoey spat at Logan.
"Hi doll! Want to make out? I know that you want to!" Logan grinned.
That was too much for Zoey. She slapped the obnoxious jerk left and
right!
Lola and Carly stood in the door, waiting for Zoey, Dustin, and Sam.
Sam pouted and sneered, but she listened to Zoey's command.
"Zoey's intervention wasn't drippin!" Michael complained after Dustin and
the girls were gone.
116

"Shut up and let's watch the rest of the movie!" Logan commanded.
The movie unleashed a load of horror that terrified Logan, Chase, and
Michael. It would have hurt Sam and Dustin even more than just that.
Michael, Chase, and Logan had had a hard time falling asleep. They had
seen wild ninjas stabbing people to death using chopsticks.
Suddenly, the alert bell rang.
"Fire!" Anonymous voices were heard from the aisle.
Logan, Michael, and Chase donned their trousers as fast as possible.
Panic had already seized the whole dorm hall.
Mark del Figgalo opened the door to Chase's dorm. "Help! The bully gang
has almost stomped all over me!"
"Shutup, Dork del Figgalo!" Logan yelled.
Chase and Michael tried to help Mark, but they were not able to.
Finally, the four of them had reached the safe spot in front of the dorm.
Dean Rivers faced the pupils. "OK, there; is no fire. But that means that
the fire alert has been triggered for no reasons. Do I hadn't anything
better on my mind at 3.a.m. than crossing the campus in pyjamas!?"
Chase chuckled. "Depends on your wife ..."
Dean Rivers wasn't exactly pleased by Chase's answer.
"So, whoever triggered the alert ... this will lead to consequences. And
if nobody fesses up, the whole dorm block will be grounded for the whole
next week!" Dean Rivers announced without a trace of regret.
The pupils accused each othewr and were really upset.
Chief Becker, the boss of the local fire brigades, addressed Rivers.
"There's still no trace of ..."
"Sir!" Simon Nelson Cook yelled. "I might have an idea ..."
"Spit it out!" Dean Rivers ordered Cookie.
"OK, certain electronic devices emit radiations at frequences that may
trigger various alerts." Cookie explained.
Dean Rivers scratched his head. "Is that true?"
117

Chief Becker nodded. "All electronic devices have to pass a test proving
that they can't interfere with public alert systems , otherwise they
can't be licensed legally."
Dean Rivers was upset.
With the headmaster's agreement, Chief Becker ordered his men to scan and
scrutinise all electronic devices in the building.
"Look what we've got ..." Chief Becker announced. "A Japanese J-phone."
Logan fainted.
"Those are illegal!" Chief Becker declared. "Where did you get them
from?"
Logan refused to answer.
Dean Rivers was consternated. "Logan Reese, we'll see us in my office,
tomorrow at 11 p.m."
Many pupils were upset at Logan because his device had triggered the
alert.
The boys went back to their dorms.
Michael remarked that causing a fire alert was not drippin.
The next morning, Zoey was called into the headmaster's office.
Dustin had had a sleepover in her dorm because he was afraid. And he
hadn't even seen the hard horror that occured in the movie. Now he was in
the office in order to ...
"Dustin? You want to leave the school?" Zoey was cconsternated.
Dustin nodded. "I can't live here any longer!"He explained that he didn't
feel well at the PCA, and that the horror movie had intimidated him even
more.
"And Logan Reese made you see the movie?" Dean Rivers was even more
upset. "That really breaks the camel's back!"
Zoey took Dustin. "Let's talk about this tonight. Please don't hurry
this! Mom and dad won't be pleased."
Dustin sighed deeply. He decided to accept Zoey's suggestion, but only if
he was allowed to sleep in Zoey's dorm.
118

Dean Rivers sent the Brooks away, and he told Beverly to send Logan into
the office. "Logan Reese! I'm really consternated. First, you use
electronic devices that are illegal because they are a danger for public
security. Then you smuggle illegitimate movies into the school and watch
them together with middle school kids."
"They need to learn about lfe, the sooner the better!" Logan excused
himself.
Dean Rivers could not accept that. "Silence! This was one time too often.
You're expelled!"
"Ha!" Logan yelled. "You can't expell me! My dad donates every year ..."
Dean Rivers ordered Beverly to contact Malcolm Reese. Against all odds -
Logan's dad was still in Japan - he could reach him. The headmaster
explained the situation as well as he could.
Malcolm Reese declared to accept the situation, and he would continue
donating large sums, with or without Logan.
Logan was dismayed. How could his dad let him down like that?"I'll call
upon the honour council!" Logan declared.
Rivers nodded. "OK, that's your privillege! I don't see what it changes,
though. If you showed any trace of rue after what you've done, you'd
probably get away with detention. But that's not the case, after all."
Logan Reese fainted and left the office without a word.
"Really? Dustin may have a sleepover with you?" Lola asked Zoey outside
their dorms.
Zoey sighed and nodded. "What else might I do? But it's only because he's
afraid of those ninjas from Logan's movie."
Lola shook her head. "I'd be afraid if Dustin stayed with me ... he would
take pics of my bra and show them to his mates who have a crush on me.
This would make him cool!" She smirked sarcastically.
Zoey shrugged helplessly. "Ad I guess Megan would help him to get Drake's
lipmarks on her bra, and then sell the pics on the internet!"
Lola was consternated. She fainted and passed out.
Fortunately, Addie and Moze didn't mind Dustin as much as Lola did.
"Let's play PCAopoly!" Zoey suggested. Her roomies and Dustin agreed.
They sat down and cast the dice.
119

link to page 122 link to page 122 "I buy Sushi Rocks for 15,000!" Dustin beamed.
Zoey took the bucks. Then she rolled again. "Damn' snake eyes,
detention!"
Addie snickered. "Dustin may be lucky. I would not allow Ben to ...[78]"
"Unlike Ben, Dustin is a nice guy!"Zoey replied.
Addie nodded. "Hey! You stand on Maxwell Hall which is mine! 5,000
bucks!"
The door went open, and Carly Shay bounded in.
Dustin accused Carly of being a traitor, as she had denounced him to
Zoey. "Now all the populars and normies laugh about me because I haven't
seen the movie until the bitter end. They say that I've chicked out. That
makes me so uncool!" He boomed angrily.
Zoey told Dustin to calm down.
Carly sighed. "Dustin! You are cool!" She smiled. "As long as you refrain
from doing silly things. Will you ever learn! Someone as pretty and nice
and smart as you does not, I repeat not need to squander his mental
health on crappy horror movies!"
Dustin was a bit distracted. Did Carly just call him all nice, smart,
pretty, and, especially, cool? He tried to calm down.
"And you don't need to lie unto your sister!" Carly insisted.
Dustin fainted.
Zoey told them that she had recently refused to come to Valerie's[79]
beach party because she had lied to her in order to get attention.
Carly sobbed. "Sorry. See, I've been here for a few weeks, and what I
miss most is my elder brother Spencer. Thus I understand that Dustin
misses Zoey terribly."
Zoey's jaw dropped. Day by day, she was crossing Dustin's way. Alas, she
might have neglected him.
Dustin stammered. Admitting to missing his elder sister would make him
totally uncool.
"Spencer must love you very much!" Zoey supposed.
Carly nodded. "He's been the only one to care for me since dad went over
the ocean, and mom ... I don't really want to talk about that!"
120

link to page 122 Dustin grumbled silently.
"If you promise unto Dustin to play with him more often, I'll bring him
back to Freddie and Gibby who are missing him already." Carly offered.
"It isn't nice that they have to invent white lies in order to distract
your adviser."
Zoey nodded. "OK!" Then she cuddled the hell out of Dustin.
Moze and Addie had watched with awe. They sighed deeply.
Carly grabbed Dustin, and they stood up.
Dustin sighed. "Sorry for having been rude!"
Carly smiled. "That's OK. And you are the coolest guy in our class,
honestly!" They waved at the three older girls and walked away.
"Thanks!" Dustin blushed slightly.
Chaunsee,[80] the butler of the Reese family, halted his craft in front of
Maxell hall.
Michael and Chase sighed deeply when Logan walked out for the last time.
They had been friends since middle school. On the other hand, they had
suffered excruciating discomforts from his arrogance and somatic
narcissism.
Zoey wondered whether she should pity the jerk, but she refrained from
doing so. He was probably now going to just some other private school,
she didn't really care.
Lola sighed. She had suffered a lot from Logan's hand, she would have
loved to bite something off him. But with Logan gone, would Malcolm Reese
still care about her? Well, at least, Ashley was going to have the very
same problems.
Nicole wondered how Dean Rivers could be mean enough to expell a cute
boy.
Alas, Dana grumbled. Her favourite bickering partner was gone. She didn't
know as of yet, even less would she have admitted to it, but, ever
thence, she was about going through quite some depression.
Amber Tate was really upset. She wasn't ready to unmask herself as
Logan's step sister. But she was going to wreak some havoc, that much was
sure! How could Dean Rivers take the only person away from here that she
was looking up to?!
121

link to page 120 link to page 120 link to page 121 [78] Addie's elder brother in Unfabulous
[79] identified with a Valerie from iCarly Show : iWill Date Freddie
[80] cf. Spring Break-Up
Juicy Toons
Michael and Chase were still disappointed because Logan had been thrown
out of the PCA for importing illegal movies and phones. More than that,
Toon Juice, a site that spread cartoons, had offered them a new contract
over several thousands of bucks, but the deadline for a probatory work
was already so close: Only 8 days to go.
"I still think we should do something with dolphins ..." Michael
suggested.
"Dolphins are so not drippin'!" Chase replied. "They are downright
flumby!"
"Hey! These are my words!" Michael complained. He had tried to spread a
few words as new slang expressions. At first glance, this appeared doomed
to failure, but now everyone was using his words without crediting
Michael. This was disgusting.
Chase laughed. "Can you prove it?"
Michael shrugged, hanging his head in shame. "No, I can't"
Chase grinned.
"That's so not fair! I bet that another toon maker would sue us if we
used his toons!" Michael complained.
Chase shrugged. "That's life! But maybe we should ask Claire Sawyer?"
Michael shrugged. Could a future lawyer really help him?
Suddenly, the door went open, and Mrs. Burvich thundered in. "Matthews!
Barret!"
Chase and Michael were dismayed.
Mrs. Burvich looked sternly. "This room is occupied by two pupils only,
right?"
Michael and Chase looked sadly.
Juicy Toons
122

link to page 128 "And you know what that means ... a new room-mate is due!" Mrs. Burvich
looked like a green-eyed monster.
"I hate new roomies!" Michael sighed with despair. "They are flumby!"
Mrs. Burvich looked sternly at Michael.
"Do we get to choose our roomie?" Chase asked, stammering nervously.
"I want Olivary Biallo!" Michael squealed.
Chase poked Michael.
Mrs. Burvich rembered when Zoey Brooks and Nicole Bristow had requested
to choose their own roomie.[81] Nicole had destroyed some valuable
collection, which was beyond forgiving. "No way!"
Chase and Michael looked consternated.
Mrs. Burvich lead James into the dorm. "This is James Denifer Garret from
New Mexico!"
Chase closed his eyes and shrugged. He imagined people from New Mexico
looking like Mexicans, just a bit more modern, whatever that meant. Then
he dared opening his eyes. James was a tall blond guy that didn't look at
all like a Mexican.
"Hi guys!" James greeted friendly. "I'm Jake Crandall's elder cousin
James. When I visited him just a few months ago, he persuaded me into
joining him here."
Michael and Chase looked grimly.
"And I don't want to hear a single complaint about you!" Mrs. Burvich
looked diabolically at Chase and Michael. "Or you will go the same way as
Logan Reese!"
Michael sobbed. "I don't want to go Logan's way! My grandma will kill
me!"
Chase and Michael agreed silently on one thing: Not to talk to their new
roomie, James D. Garrett. Never ever! They went back to their laptops and
tried to concentrate on their cartoons.
James tried to talk to them, but in vain. "OK, I'm going for lunch!
Byebye!" He waved in a friendly way and tried to disappear, but he bumped
into Lola Martinez.
"Oh hi, you must be Denifer?" Lola grinned sweetly. She remembered James
D. from the video Megan and Dustin had made when Zoey and Lola werre
quarantined.
Juicy Toons
123

"Yes, that's me!" James chuckled. "Should I know you?"
Lola smiled seductively. "Oh, that depends ... are you a good kisser?
Then you definitely should get to know me!"
James shrugged helplessly.
Lola grabbed James and pulled him in a passionate probatory kiss. "Really
not bad, but Drake kisses way better." Lola sobbed.
"He does? How good for him!" James declared without envy. "Back at middle
school, I've been namecalled Freaky Jimmy, because I wore glasses and was
in the chess team. I hate chess, though."
""Lola has been a bit depressed since Drake Parker had not got as much
time left for her as he used to have ..." Michael declared."
"OK, Chase and Michael! Zoey is about committing the gravest mistake in
her life ... she's going on a date with Lance Rivers - in a limousine. A
whole night in Hollywood ...!" Lola stammered.
"She does?" Chase stammered.
"Lance has bribed the runners of the tombola into awarding Zoey's coupon
number. He's such a jerk, Jenifer and Addie have confirmed that, but Zoey
doesn't believe us girls!" Lola sighed with despair.
"Wait!" Chase sighed. "James, would you please help Michael with the
toons? I have to dissuade Zoey from the biggest mistake in her life."
"Who is Zoey?" James wondered.
Michael was going to tell James a long story while they started to make
more cartoons.
"Zoey!" Chase yelled at his friend. "Don't go with him on a field trip!
He's a charlatan!"
Lance Rivers was upset. "Stop it! Or I will tell my dad and you will get
expelled!"
Zoey refused to understand Chase.
"He has manipulated the tombola, so that the two of you could ..." Chase
was disgusted when he imagined what as probably going to happen in the
limousine, on their way to the star cinema in uptown Los Angeles.
"You can't prove it, Matthews!" Lance yelled pathetically.
124

Chase fainted. He had no idea how to prove it, making Lance smile
triumphantly.
Along came Megan Parker. "Hi Chase ... have you got a problem?"
Chase trembled all over. Now he had probably to watch Zoey falling for a
ruthless charlatan, and to get expelled by Dean Rivers.
"Cool! Maybe Zoey and Lance want to watch that DVD while they are in the
limo. It's a long road!" She whistled innocently.
"Or we may watch it now!" A voice boomed behind Lance and Zoey.
Zoey turned around, and she saw Dean Rivers and Dustin.
"Dad?" Lance stammered.
The Dean was downright upset. "Lance! What you have done is ...
irresponsible! You've ruined the good image of our school!"
Lance chuckled. "And so? What do you want to do? Expell me?"
"Oh yes, I may ... and I will!" Dean Rivers thundered. "Get your
belongings together and go to your mom and your sister! I expect you out
by tomorrow sunset! Do you understand me?"
Lance Rivers went totally pale. He finally passed out. Dean Rivers
dragged his son away to his office in order to preach more to him.
"Dustin! You are spying on my boyfriends?" Zoey was not happy.
"Fortunately he did!" Chase sighed with relief.
Dustin nodded. "And do you know who else is on the video? His two best
friends ... who have incited him to corrupt you!"
"Who?" Chase wanted to know.
Dustin breathed ."Glen Davis ... and ... Rebecca!"
Zoey and Chase stared with dismay.
"Dean Rivers considers expelling them as well." Dustin announced.
Zoey sighed. She had saved Chase from Rebecca, or at least she had tried
to. Now Chase had saved her from Lance Rivers. Thus they were even.
"Not a pronblem! Don't forget Lola who has informed me ... and without
Megan and Dustin, I would be the one to be expelled!" Chase sighed
deeply.
125

"I don't know what to do this evening ..." Zoey sighed deeply.
Dustin scratched his head. "Are you still mad at me, sis?"
Zoey shook her head. "You're the best little brother in the world!"
"Sushi rocks?" Megan asked.
Everyone agreed, but before that, they had to invite James, Michael, and
Lola.
"Chase!" Michael squealed with delight. "We've finished over 50 cartoons
while you've dealt with Lance. And guess what we've made: Dolphins in
fear of being run over by a motor boat, dolphins swimming in a giant cup
of coffee , dolphins ..."
"Good for you. Do you need me anymore? I mean, now that James Blond is
your new best pal ... and a pack of dolphins ... why would you need me
any longer?" Chase sighed with despair.
Michael shrugged with despair. "But Chase, that doesn't mean that ...
besides, you have suggested James and me to work together!"
"So you're Zoey Brooks?" James asked the perfect blonde.
Zoey nodded. "That's me, why?"
"I've heard a lot of good things about you ..." James replied.
"Oh, really?" Zoey scratched her head. "From whom?"
James pointed at Michael.
Zoey shrugged while she glared at Michael.
"Er ... maybe the two of you should date?" Michael stammered carefully.
"Now that Lance Rivers is history ..."
"Why not?" Chase shrugged. "It's time for Zoey to have some fun!"
James and Zoey stared oddly at Michael and Chase.
"Yeah, why not?" James asked Zoey. "Unless you're a cotton swab freak
like my former date Stacey Dillsen. She trashed me because I've come too
close to her favourite swab, without asking her hours in advance."
"Typical Stacey!" Michael chuckled.
Unable to reply, Zoey gave in. "OK, James and me, we are now dating, is
that what you guys wanted?" She shrugged helplessly.
126

Chase and Michael applauded.
Alas, Dustin and Megan were not sure that this was going to end well.
They decided to keep their opinion for themselves though.
Lola was a bit disappointed because Zoey had grabbed a potential date
from her. Alas, she knew that she would come back to Drake as soon as
possible, for Drake was the way better kisser, thus he wouldn't have
stood a chance on a long run. Alas, the situation was funny: A bit over a
year ago, Lola had obtained Zoey's permit for dating Chase, now she saw
Chase giving Zoey his permit for dating James. She wondered where this
was going to. Did they feel compelled to prove unto everyone that they
weren't a couple?
"Wow! We've won the award for the most original toons of the year!"
Michael jumped up and bounced around. "Go, dolphins!"
Chase sighed. If he had submitted his idea, two bpins being afraid of a
bowling ball, he might have been sued by the competition for having used
their toons.
Claire Sawyer bounded in."Michael, it's important ..."
Michael looked up to the future lawyer. "Yeah, what is?"
"The competion used the words drippin and flumby ... your words ... in
their cartoons!" Claire remarked. "Dustin Brooks and Megan Parker have
recorded the proof that you have invented those slang words. Do you want
to sue them? I think 50,000 should be enough for ..."
Michael beamed. "Sure I will!" he bounced around even more. Finally, his
linguistic innovations were going to be officially acknowledged. He
huggled the hell out of Claire Sawyer.
"Egad!" Claire shuddered with downright disgust. "If you don't het your
hands off my suit, I'll have to sue you for psychic cruely, Barret!"
Michael sighed.
The future lawyer took her cellular phone and called the competitors. She
talked on the phone for half an hour, maybe even longer than that. "OK,
Michael, they offer 20,000 bucks without a law suite. I think that should
do it. Are you Ok with it?" She watched Michael's eyes whose shape
changed into that of a pair of dollar signs.
"Yeah, sure!" Michael bounced around. "But cash!"
Claire Sawyer forwarded Michael's answer. "They are going to send someone
over here in order to bring you the bucks, by tonight."
127

link to page 128 link to page 123 link to page 128 Michael beamed even more.
James sighed. "My grandma has got only one foot. She had forgotten to
feed her cat, so ...[82]"
Michael sighed. "How much do you need for a second foot? My grandma will
be proud if I help yours out ..."
"Still 5000 bucks missing ..." James sighed.
"You may have them!" Michael comforted James. An old woman who forgets to
feed her cat? Egad ... maybe that was something for their future
cartoons!
[81] cf. Back At PCA
[82] cf. iCarly Show : iLike Jake
Touch Too Much
"PCA General news. This is Jeremiah Trottman. Today, the Blix van is
visiting our school. Many pupils try to beat the record for touching the
Blix van. For details ... " Jeremiah coughed like an elephant ...
"Co-moderator Lola Martinez."
Lola smiled. "Aw, hi! The pupil who achieves to leave one hand on the van
for most time will win a flight for two to an event of his choice, in the
new blix helicopter! Too bad I'd have no chance, as whenever a
good-kissing guy walks past, I can't keep control of myself and just have
to run over and ..." She played with her lips.
Jeremiah shook his head. Why can't Lola ever stick to her task as a
co-moderator? "Oops, OK, the problem is that they have to let at least
one hand on the van. In order to make things slightly easier, every sixth
hour, there's a toilet break. Hank Crandle, the father of one of our
students, has established a few monile toilets on the campus, so they
don't have to run to the dorm halls and back."
James grinned when the name of one of his uncles was mentioned. "It's
good to have a civil engineer in your family."
At the same time, Coco Wexler left one of the toilets. She looked like a
lump of misery.
"Ma'am, this toilet is for the participants of the Blix Van Contest
only!" Custodian Bandel told Coco.
Touch Too Much
128

"It'sa case of ... emergency!" Coco stammered.
The custodian opened the door to the empty toilet and noticed that it was
all covered with vomit exhibiting the decaying remains of cheap canned
ravioli. "This toilet is currently not operating ..."
Zoey came to stand exactly between James and Chase.
Nicole was the first dropout. She ran away when she saw a cute boy
passing by. "OK, Lola, I'll let you know that I will never support Blix
again ... my dad makes better softdrinks, anyways, and cute boys like
them!"
Lola shrugged. "It seems that Dana is very happy because of what happened
to Nicole ..."
Jenifer Mozely told Zoey to be careful. "You've got too many enviars
here, they might easily try to lock you into a cabin or so during lunch
break ..."
"Chase and James will take care of me!" Zoey replied.
Jenifer nodded. "They are gentlemen, so, yeah, I don't doubt that ..."
This is again Jeremiah Trottman ... the competition is still running. As
we see, many of the competitors have already given up, but some
particularly tough ones are still pressing at least one hand against the
van.
Lola took over. "OK, there's oe of the dropouts ... Jeneifer Mosely, why
have you given up?"
Jenifer shrugged. "I'm too thirsty ..." She sighed heartily. "I'd drink
too much, and then I won't be likely to withstand my bladder's throng
until the next break ..."
Lola understood. It hadn't been a really easy task. She waved at Moze.
"Enjoy your Blix! Oh, hi Addie ... what made you give up?"
Addie Singer sighed. "I'm too hungry, and ..."
Lola chuckled. "OK, I know that story. Now it's noon break. The
participants may eat or drink something, and, most importantly, they may
use the toilets!"
Many of the pupils that had been brave enough to touch the van for six
hours straight sighed with relief. They hoped that the ambulant toilets
were functional and not overtly dirty, as might have been the case after
Coco's abuse of one of those.
129

Ashley and Amber stood behind the toilets.
"Lola can be lucky that she's a moderator instead of a participant.
Otherwise, as soon she uses one of those toilets ... " She produced a
heavy portable lock and a key for it. Then she grinned like the spoilt
brat that she was.
Amber chuckled. "Hey! May I borrow it?" She asked nicely, barely hiding
the flaming mischief in her eyes.
"Whom do you want to lock in?" Ashley wondered.
"Simon Nelson Cook!" Amber admitted. "It's all his fault that Logan got
expelled from the PCA."
"Why do you care so much about Logan?" Ashley asked.
"Because ..." Amber wasn't ready to reveal that Logan was one of her many
step brothers.
Ashley shrugged and rendered the items unto Amber.
A few seconds later, Simon Nelson Cooke was locked into one of the
crappers. "Let me out! I need to get back to the van!"
Amber grinned bestialically.
"I guess that's your work?" Dana Cruz asked Amber Tate before returning
to the van.
Amber smiled innocently.
"Good job!" Dana highfived with Amber.
Amber nodded. "Alas, I've never quite understood the relationship between
you and Logan ..."
Dana shrugged. "I don't understand it either, honestly ..."
"OK, now go back to your van and win for Logan!" Amber commanded Dana.
The winner was going to be awarded with a helicopter trip for two, and
Dana wanted to go on it along with Logan, wherever he was.
Finally, Evelyn Kwong had heard Simon Nelson Cooke's cry. She yelled into
Samantha Puckett's direction. "Hey! May you open a portable locker for
me?"
Samantha had problems identifying the source of the yell, but she finally
walked up to Evelyn who had already been waiting outside the cabin into
which Simon Nelson Cooke had been locked in by Amber Tate. "Don't worry,
130

now I'm here!" She took a piece of curved wire and introduced it into the
slit of the lock. Two seconds later, the door to the cabin was flipped
open.
Cookie left the toilet, sighing with relief. "Thanks, Samantha!"
Evelyn breathed deepley. Then she grabbed Cookie vigorously and yelled at
him at the top of her lungs: "Kiss me, you dork!"
Cookie floundered, but he couldn't help being sucked in by Evelyn's
strong lips.
"Icky!" Sam mumbled. If Simon Nelson Cooke was such a dork, why would
Evelyn want to kiss him? Sam pondered, but maybe she had to give it a
try. One day, when a certain dorkward was expecting it least, Sam was
going to treat him the way Evelyn just had done to Cookie. Mercilessly!
"Twelve hours have been gone by ..." Jeremiah explained. "but still, some
of the participants don't show any sign of fatigue. Yet the number of
participants has been reduced severely."
Lola, whose infinite charm had not suffered the least bit, interviewd
some of those who had given up in the afternoon. "OH, Michael, why have
you given up?"
Michael sighed. "It's full moon tonight, and I have to join Olivary
Biallo who is going to celebrate a full moon ceremony." He showed his
clackers. "I need to accompanay him with those things." The clackers made
a horrible noise.
"What do your roomies say to these clackers?" Lola wanted to know.
"James and Chase? They think more about Zoey than about my clackers, it
seems ..." Michael shrugged.
Lola understood the situation.
Also, Lisa Perkins had just given up. "I've got a dinner appointment with
Harper!" She said that in a way that must have hurt Michael. "We're going
to Vaccaro's in order to celebrate Harper's birthday where a certain
potato-crisp addict who is afraid of rollercoasters and can't reach his
toes with hands while stretching his legs will not be invited."
Lola shrugged. "Thanks for the interesting informations!" Lola had no
idea who that certain someone was, nor did she have any clue why it was
worth mentioning that same person was not invited. But she walked on.
"OK, there aren't many pupils left ... Chase Matthews, Zoey Brooks, James
Garrett, Simon Nelson Cooke, Evelyn Kwong, Dana Cruz, and Stacey
Dillsen." Lola moaned when she had finished that list.
131

"Oops, it seems that Evelyn Kwong and Simon Nelson Cooke have just been
disqualified." Trottman announced.
"I couldn't stand Evelyn staring at me in such a penetrant manner
anymore!" Cookie confessed into Lola's microphone.
"Hey! Come back and kiss me, you dork!" Evelyn yelled after Cookie.
"I understand ..." Lola shrugged. Dorks are poor kissers, why was Evelyn
so manically obsessed with Simon Nelson Cooke? "Now it's just Stacey,
James, Zoey, and Michael ... oh, and Dana!" Lola pondered. "We see that
Fredward Benson is taking bets ... Hi Freddie! How are the stakes?"
Fredward shrugged. "See those bars and pies on the screen?"
Lola eyed the laptop, but she couldn't make any sense from the graphics.
"Er ... what? Sorry, no pies, I need to remain slim for my next movie
..."
Freddie chuckled. "They are jumping up and down. They change every second
..."
"Thirdy bucks on Zoey Brooks!" Lola announced and rendered a few
banknotes unto Fredward. "She's a safe bet!"
Freddie shrugged. The stakes for Zoey were now astronomically small.
Dustin, who had helped Freddie making the stakes, sighed. He wanted Zoey
to win, just for the honour of the family.
"Just leave it up to me!" Megan whistled innocently when she unpacked a
family sixpack of cotton swabs. She still whistled innocently when she
passed by Stacey. "My ears are a bit waxy today ..." She mumbled
silently, yet in a way that Stacey could understand.
"Nooooo!" Stacey screamed at the top of her lungs. "You can't use those
pink swabs for that!" She forgot about the van and ran over, grabbing the
whole pack of swabs from Megan's hands. Needless to say - Stacey was
disqualified on site.
Megan highfived with Dustin.
Carly smiled as well. "It's only Zoey, Chase, Dana, and James left ..."
"Don't worry about James and Chase!" Megan told Carly and Dustin. "I've
told unto both of them last night that Zoey would take them as a company
for the helicopter trip, but they aren't allowed to talk about it."
Nevel shrugged. "I wonder whom she will choose for real ..." Suddenly his
cellular phone rang. "Oh it's ..." He whistled innocently. "Logan!" He
yelled at the top of his lungs. "Do you rue the day? Do you rue it!"
132

link to page 140 link to page 140 Dana heard Nevel's cry. How might he dare to ... she had to talk to
Logan. She decided to sneak up to Nevel and grab his cellular phone. "Hi,
Logan, what has that dwarf dork done to you?" Now she noticed that it
hadn't been Logan at all. All that she could hear was Megan's sadistic
chuckle. Too late, she had already left the van, for naught! She exploded
with anger.
Dustin cheered enthusiastically.
Chase and James had been enduring so long. But their hands hurt, and thus
they released their grip on the van. Each of the boys was secure in the
knowledge that Zoey was going to take him on the helicopter trip.
Zoey grinned. "Thanks, guys! You are true gentlemen, both of you!"
Chase and James smiled joyfully, awaiting Zoey's announce.
"Congratulations, Zoey!" Lola hugged her. "So ... where are you going to
with the heli, and who will be with you?"
Zoey sighed. "I'm going to Italy for the fashion fair of Milan!"
Now both Chase and James awaited being announced by Zoey as her company.
"Quinn told me that Nevel wants to be a haberdasher, so I've decided to
take him along with me." Zoey beamed.
The surprise was big.
Nevel smiled.
Megan shook her head at James and Chase. "Those boobs have still got a
lot to learn!"
Freddie took the microphone. "OK, as most people bet on Zoey, the award
for them is ... 1 cent each! Too bad we don't have that many small coins,
thus it will take a while until you get paid. Thanks for the patience."
Doheny
Michael and Chase were watching TV in the lounge. "Wow! Doheny is
back![83]"
Dustin and Megan bounded in. "Do you already know that Megan has revived
Dohenyi's career?[84]"
Chase and Michael looked dumbfounded.
Doheny
133

link to page 140 Megan whistled innocently. "Not much. I've made a plan for him to feign
his death as an accident during a magic show with Drake and Josh as his
assistants. Then he was resurrrected at his funeral."
"That's insane!" Michael squealed. "Chase! Say something!"
Chase didn't mind. "Er, yeah, whatever Megan said."
Michael was still totally scared. "In any case, I bet that I may untie
myself as Doheny did!"
"Oh, really?" Megan chuckled.
"I bet that you can't!" Dustin countered.
"You might bind me over a fiery pit, giving me two minutes or so to
escape from a death in flames ..." Michael boasted. "I'll show you."
"Our history teacher, Ranger Scout Kenneth Billiam, is the best knot
maker in Southern California!" Megan remarked. "You better step back from
your daring enterprise if you don't want to get roasted alive!"
Michael shrugged and sneered.
Dean Rivers bounded in.
Chase waved at the headmaster. He had to notify himm, so that he could
dissuade Michael from marching straight into the fiery inferno. "Sir,
Michael Barrett claims that he's a better escapist artist than even Henry
Doheny!"
Dean Rivers jumped up. "Did you say Henry Doheny?" Dean Rivers calmed
down. "Do you know that Mr. Bradford, the owner of the PCA [85] went to
university with Doheny?"
Chase and Michael looked dumbfounded.
"I'll have to invite him to the PCA, and then we will see who's the
best!" Dean Rivers took his cellular phone.
Chase sighed deeply.
Megan took her cellular phone and pushed a button with the label BOOB2.
"Hi boob! Henry Doheny might come to the PCA for a visit! ... OK, luv you
too!" She terminated the call. "Josh is a little want-to-be illusionist,
nothing big, but Doheny is his idol!"
Michael shrugged. "The bigger the competition, the better!"
Doheny
134

Zoey and Nevel had just returned from Milan, right in time for the visit
of the great Henry Dohenyi!
Zoey hugged Dustin. "Have you been all good in my absence?"
"I've missed you!" Dustin sighed. "But Freddie, Carly, Sam, and Megan
helped me survive it."
Zoey smiled. "See? You've finally found better friends."
Dustin sighed. "Yeah, OK, but that's still not the same."
Zoey nodded. "That's not too bad. I'd be very disappointed if you had not
missed me at all."
Dustin chuckled. "OK. Do you want to be sawed into half?" Dustin asked.
"You're doing that same trick again as the one at the talent show?" Zoey
knew that nothing bad could happen, so she consented.
"So ... how was Milan?" Megan wanted to know from Zoey and Nevel.
"Great!" Zoey beamed. "We've made some contacts with the clothing scene
over there. Maybe I'll get an iternship next summer."
Dustin beamed.
Nevel reported that some people at Milan were going to rue the day, until
the times of dystopia were they going to rue it.
Zoey chuckled. "Quinn has called us all the time. She must have a hell of
a phone bill ... Oh, I've been at the Scala with Nevel. He might be up
for a tryout as a concert pianist."
"Not without Megan!" Nevel boomed.
Megan beamed. Performing at a classical theatre such as the Scala was one
of her greatest dreams. "Wherever!"
Finally, Dean Rivers and Mr. Bradford greeted Henry Doheny.
"It's a great honour for our school!" Rivers explained.
Doheny beamed. "Oh, I've always dreamt about it."
"Be careful, the pupils here are all rebellish and cocky!" Bradford
warned Doheny.
The great magician shrugged. "Dohenyi!" He boomed energically.
135

link to page 140 "Sir!" Dean Rivers was consternated when he saw hair growing on Mr.
Bradford's head. The old lord had been bal for over a decade, and now
this ...
Mr. Bradford had no clue what made Dean Rivers look dumbfounded. It took
him several minutes to realise what had happened.
Finally, he met Megan. "Thanks once more!"
Megan chuckled. "Thanks for the 50,000 bucks. I'm going to share them
with Drake and Josh, but they aren't supposed to know yet."
Doheny smiled.
Jeremiah Trottman trotted along. "Henry Doheny ... an interview for PCA
News Channel ..." Jeremiah was happy because Doheny had already been way
too old for Lola to start a flirting attack, wondeing how good of a
kisser Doheny was.
Doheny answered the usual boring questions.
Along came Ranger Scout Kenneth Billiam. He shook Doheny's hand. "Sir! My
name is Kenny Billiam, not Billy M."
Doheny nodded and smiled. "So you claim to be the best nod tier of
California?"
"Of the whole world!" Billiam boasted.
Megan chuckled and faced Trottman's microphone. "There's a bet that Henry
Doheny may untie any knot made by Kenny Billiam. Freddie, the odds!"
Fredward Benson carried his laptop around. "A Di Voglio de Luxe[86], with
one gazillion bytes of memory, running the latest Quinndoze QP. Lisa Zemo
has restored it magically after Jerk Del Figgalo had spoilt it with
Teryaki sauce."
"Grow up, dorkward!" Sam remarked.
Billiam and Doheny looked at the odds. Doheny had been slightly on top,
but it was subject to changes.
Josh Nichols bounded in. "Henry! Kenny!" He beamed brightly. He had been
a friend of both of these. Kenny Billiam was the head of the southern
californian scout federation, while, as a gifted illusionist, Doheny had
always been his biggest idol.
Henry wondered. "Aren't you going to perform something?"
Josh nodded. "Yeah, I'll make someone's face disappear." Josh twitched
like an eel.
136

link to page 140 "Oh, I've never thought about it!" Doheny admitted. "Are you going to do
it on your own?"
Josh shook his head. "Megan is going to assist me. It was basically her
idea ... So I have to be careful, or it will be my face that is going to
disappear for good." Josh twitched.
Megan grinned. "My artist name as an illusionist's assistant is Cosmina."
Addie had been half asleep in the audience. Hearing the name Cosmina
shook her awake. What? Could that be ... that Cosmina who ...[87] She
remembered that Cosmina had been one mean girl. Megan could be mean,
especially to Josh and Drake. Addie's stomach cramped. She threw up,
right on Chase's pradas.
Chase was consternated. "Anything wrong?"
Addie told Chase that at their last encounter, Addie had seen no other
solution then telling her friend Zachariah Carter Schwartz to lock
Cosmina into a closet so she was going to miss the talent show. After
all, Cosmina had sworn to make Zach's face disappear magically.
Chase saw that Addie couldn't handle the situation. He decided to guide
her back to her dorm and miss the show. This way, Addie would be safe
from Megan's revenge. Zachariah had just returned from a trip of his
basketball team, thus he was going to miss the presentation of Doheny,
anyways. He should be safe, shouldn't he?
Megan's cellular phone rang. "Megan Parker ... oh, Nevel, ... have you
scanned the situation?"
Nevel Papperman boomed up to Megan. "Today, Zachariah Carter Schwartz is
so going to rue it! Noone ever locks you into a closet without having to
rue it!"
Megan nodded, smiling and whistling innocently. "That's what he will,
sweetie! Twice and thrice, at least!"
Trottman entered the stage. "PCA Entertainment Channel. This is Jeremiah
Trottman! Tour co-commentator is once again ..."
Lola activated her microphone. "OK, Doheny, the greatest magician ever,
will serve as an umpire here, plus, he will also try to untie himself
from knots tied by this man: Kenny Billiam!"
Doheny smiled.
"Our first wannabe mage is Dustin Brooks! He will saw his elder sister
Zoey into half." Lola pondered. "Does that mean that he is going to have
two half-sisters?"
137

Dustin shrugged and started sawing.
Zoey did nothing special. Everything went well. Zoey had not allowed
Dustin to use fake blood as he had wished.
Lola smiled. A few weeks ago, Dustin had wanted her as his victim. Now it
was Zoey's turn. "Zoey! Are you OK?"
Zoey nodded. "But I need a shower after that. I'm sweaty all over." She
didn't mention that Dustin had sawed her bra into half.
Dustin shrugged when he left the stage to the next candidate: Michael
Barrett.
Jeremiah shrugged. "Michael has decided to get handcuffed instead of
being tied with ropes ..."
Doheny decided that Trottman was talking to much. "Do ... heny!!!!" He
thundered.
Jeremiah Trottman disappeared in a puff of smoke and dust.
The audience applauded like nobody's business.
Lola had to continue on her own. "OK, Michael has just been handcuffed by
his little brother harper. Dean Rivers has tried those handcuffs on his
wife. What do you say?"
"They work well!" Rivers admitted. "Finally, I've got some hours without
that permanent annoyance."
Lola nodded. "OK. Michael has been tied to the vertical bar that supports
the dome. If he's strong enough, he could bring the dome to cpollapse."
Lola shivered.
Michael tried to free himself, but it didn't seem to work.
"In the meanwhile, Josh Nichols is going to steal someone's face and lock
it inside a crystal ball!" Lola announced.
Josh and Megan entered the stage.
Megan grinned mischievously while Josh tried to talk about it. "Abra
Cadabra!" She boomed.
Suddenly, the face of Zachariah Carter Schwartz condensed in the ball.
"Let me out of here!" The voice of Zaxchariah cried piteously.
Alas, Megan showed no mercy. Josh was totally consternated. He had no
clue this could ever happen. After a few minutes, he finally decided to
138

smash the ball with a sledge hammer.
Samm borrowed hwer hammer unto Josh when she saw Michael. "Problems?"
Michael whimpered piteously.
Sam lay down next to Michael, used her toes to grab a hair needle form
her head, and unlocked the handcuffs by fumbling with the needle in the
lock, just using her toes.
The audience applauded beyond any limit.
Doheny couldn't help declaring Sam the new Doheny.
Freddie's feelings were mixed. He had bickered a lot with Sam, but now he
was deeply impressed. What should he do? Yet, he had to take care of the
bet between Billiam and Doheny.
"May you please witch me magically into Drake's arms?" Lola begged
Doheny. Her wish was fulfilled on site.
Drake smiled and started making out with his dream girl.
Kenny Billiam tied Doheny all up.
Too bad Lola was sunk in Drake's arms, and Jeremiah had been magically
transferred into some dark closet where he whimpered painfully. Thus PCA
News could not complete the broadcast.
Bialliam kept on trying knot after knot on Doheny, but for no avail. Yet
the great escapist has always told Billiam how to improve those knots.
They continues to do this until after curfew, thus the audience was gone,
and Freddie's bet had been for naught because Freddie had forgotten to
set a time limit.
Zoey had left the show early. She was going to return straight to her own
doem. On the way up there, she ran into a totally consternated and
irritated Zachariah Carter Schwartz. "Zach! What's going on?"
"I've got to see Addie!" Zach whiimpered in agony. "Nobody will believe
me what just happened." He coughed and choked with pain.
Zoey opened the door to her dorm.
Chase had been caring for Addie. The two of them now kept on smiling and
whispering funny stuiff unto each other.
"Addie, you won't believe it!" Zach boomed. "All of a sudden, my face was
gone, and I had to cover the spot where it used to be with my hands. That
was so terrible and humiliating. Everybody has laughed about me, without
139

link to page 133 link to page 133 link to page 134 link to page 136 link to page 137 any mercy.." He sobbed piteously.
Chase and Addie laughed, as they had long forgotten about
Megan's/Cosmina's revenge.
"Chase! Addie! What's going on between the two of you? Fess up!" Zoey
stared at her friends who were thereupon unable to talk or move.
[83] Doheny is a spoof off Harry Houdini aka Ehrich Weisz, a
Hungaro-American Illusionist from early 20th century. He named himself in
turn for Jean Houdin, a French illusionist from mid 19th century who had
fooled Algerian rebels.
[84] Drake & Josh : The Great Doheny
[85] Prank Week
[86] from iCarly Show : i Promote Techfoots
[87] ch. Unfabulous : The Talent Show
Quo Vadis, I
Right in the middle of their classes, Dustin and Zoey Brooks had been
called into the office of Dean Rivers, although they had not done
anything wrong. Little wonder they were surprised when they noticed that
the reason for this was a visit: Mom and dad were alreasdy waiting in the
Antechamber Of The Office. The Kids Beamed When They Saw Their Parents.
Alas, The Reason For Their Visit Was Something That Was Not Downright
Easy To Swallow.
Mr. Brooks had obtained a salary promotion, but for this avail, he had to
move to England. His company was about ppening a European branch, and dad
was needed in order to supervise the first two years of its development
over there.
For Dustin and Zoey this meant: Either transfer to England or be
separated from their parents by more than just a phone call and a long
car trip. The Decision Was Not Made Easy.
Dustin and Zoey stared at their parents, then they stared at aach other.
Mrs. Brooks urged them to hurry up. Covington, the famous international
private boarding school, had offered to accept them, but the deadline was
already very close. Plus the parents had to prepare visa and plane
tickets. Hence, Dustin and Zoey had been given one measly day in order to
Quo Vadis, I
140

make their minds up.
Also, Dustin and Zoey were urged to make their decisions independently.
After lunch, Zoey lay down on her bed.
Addie and Moze were present. Yet they had no clue why Zoey had turned all
anxious and nervous.
Zoey dared to spit it out. "I might switch to Covington near London."
Addie coughed. "That's an even more elitary spelunc than this one here
..."
Zoey shrugged. "Dad and mom are going to work in London, so ..."
Moze sighed. "My dad moving away for a new job had been the beginning of
the end of my family as I knew it ..."
Zoey sighed. "You're right, it will not be easy. Fortunately, mom stays
firmly by his side. This had been the case when dad moved down from
Boston to New Orleans, right after college, in order to get his first
real job after college. For us kids it wasn't easy. When he built up the
business in Louisiana, he had hardly any time for us. Thus we went to
boarding schools. Dustin came straight to the PCA. It hadn't been open
for girls, so I first went to Mississippi Riverside Academy for Girls,
not far from home. At least the weekends I've always been able to spend
with my parents. This wasn't bad. I was sent to the PCA as soon as it
opened up to girls, because Dustin was going depressive without me."
Moze sighed. "Be assured that if you decide to go to London, while Dustin
doesn't, I'll keep an eye firmly on Dustin."
Addie stared quizzically at Jenifer. "Moze? Are you ..."
Jenifer Mosely chuckled. "Hey, not inthat sense!"
Zoey shrugged. "Thanks! Since the incident with that crap movie
Shinyusha, I know how much attention Dustin needs."
Jenifer nodded. "Now, what about the bigger boys?"
"Yeah, what about Chase?" Addie asked. "Won't he be depressed without
you?"
"You may have Case!" Zoey declared solemnly. She had often surprised
Addie and Chase in situations that showed how close they had really
become within just a few months.
141

link to page 145 Addie blushed. She had never dared to ... but now, as Zoey said it right
away, she wondered why she had not been able to see it earlier on.
"Honestly, you don't take Chase away from me. Why don't you people
understand that I'm not in love with Chase?" Zoey sighed. "He perobably
had been for awhile, but he was over it during spring break of junior
year."
Jenifer nodded. "Yeah, that's how I see it, too. Rebecca had just been
there at the very wrong moment, and his insane mom ..." Her stomach
cramped when she remembered how Mrs. Matthews had coupled Rebecca and
Chase. That had been so disgusting ...
Along came Stacey Dillsen. "Hi gals, have you already seen my onager,
built with cotton swab sticks and white glue?" She pushed a sculpture of
a war engine into the room, locked and loaded with a projectile made of
cotton swabs and white glue. "Fire!" Like a cannon ball, the bullet hit
Addie's guitar, making her stare oddly.
Moze chuckled. "Please, keep that thing elsewhere. By the way, you would
love to work in a real woodshop, not just those cotton swab things?"
Stacey nodded sadly. "But dad doesn't want me to work in his ..."
Moze nodded. "I've talked Dean Rivers into offering woodshop classes next
year. Back at middle school, I've been the best in woodshop. Too bad they
don't have it here, as of yet."
Stacey bounced around, cheering like nobody's business. One of her
biggest dreams had come true: She was going to do some real woodwork.
"Oh, while you're here ..." Addie whimpered because she still had not
overcome the consternation she had suffered when some cotton swab cannon
ball hit her guitar. "I and Chase, we have heard you singing. Thereupon,
we've decided to start to hone our composition skills by improving your
song. Do you want to listen to it?"
Stacey smiled. "Sure!"
Addie nodded and took her guitar, playing the sassafrass song.[88]
Stacey sang along.
Sip it in the morning
Sip it in the evening
Even at a quarter to three
I want sassafrass
you want sassafrass
we want sassafrass tea
Zoey and Jenifer couldn't help applauding.
142

link to page 145 Stacey cheered and bounded out, spreading the good tidings all over the
campus. Alas, Zoey had heard a bit of their previous conversation,
especially Zoey's possible departure.
Zoey sighed. "That said, I'm goinbg to miss Chase dearly, no matter what.
But the same goes for Michael Barret. Hell, I've even started missing
Logan Reese since he had been expelled from thisschool, although I know
that I shouldn't."
Moze nodded. "You definitely shouldn't! He's the most disgusting of all
jerks, ever."
Zoey agreed wholeheartedly, but three years had been a long time.
Lola Martinez and Lisa Perkins bounded in. "You're leaving us for
London?" They asked unison, filled with consternation.
Zoey nodded sadly. "That's very likely. I feel that mom and dad need me
now. I don't know why, but it's for the better of the family if I ddon't
make the distancebetween us even much larger than it is now. I mean,,
Louisiana isn't around the corner, but London is across the ocean."
"Are the boys at Covington good kissers?" Lola wanted to know.
"I would love to sing before the Queen ..." Lisa admitted.
Lola was so god awfully annoying. Zoey hated it how she could think about
the kissing ability of british boys. "If you want to know about the
quality British lips ... go and kiss Miles Brody! He talks with a British
accent, so ...[89]"
Lola reeled and staggered. Her stomach was way too week to bear that
thought. Miles Brody, the ultimate nerd, was the incarnation of
non-smoochiness, if that was even a word, if not, it had to be invented
for him. Well, Eric Blonowitz wasn't much better, but definitely not
British. But for Lola knew that for Quinn this was an advantage: This
way, she was better concentrating on her exp[eriments instead of getting
distracted by lips. But Lola couldn't live like this. Did Zoey have to
arrange a date of Nicole and Miles? Nicole was still upset about it. And
now that! Never ever could Lola kiss such a nerd. The creepy thought was
not wityhout a consequence: Lola doubled over and unloaded her partially
digested lunch on Zoey's head pillow. That served her right for that
disgusting suggestion. Then she walked out of the dorm. Maybe Zoey's
departure wasn't all that bad.
Lisa excused Lola's impossible behaviour and dragged her back to their
own dorm.
Moze and Addie helped Zoey cleaning up the mess that Lola had caused.
143

link to page 145 Suddenly, Zoey's phone rang. "Zoey brooks ... hey Quinn! No, Nevel is
alright ... yeah, that's probably true, but how do you know? ... indeed.
London is so far, and Covington is the best. ... no, I haven't yet found
anyone to have an eye on Nevel. Drake and Josh are hardly able to get
along with Megan, so ... no way! Chase is just a friend, don't you get
it!"
Addie figured what they were talking about. She begged the phone from
Zoey. "OK, Chase is now my boyfriend! Happy?" She boomed when she
returned the phone to Zoey. She had to blush.
"I'll find someone to watch Nevel, promised." Zoey moaned and terminated
the connection. "Quinn has seen Jeremiah Trottman talking about it on PCA
News ..." She explained that Quinn had installed a wireless connection
from Caltech to the PCA, allowing them to watch PCA Channels.
"Stacey ..." Moze concluded. "She must have ..."
Zoey nodded. Her phone rang again. "Zoey Brooks ... oh Logan ... no, I
won't take you along with me to London, you jerk! So ... shutup!" She
terminated the call on site. If Zoey had had any doubts about leaving the
country, Logan's call had done them in. Off to London it was! Logan's dad
might make movies over there, but Logan was way too lazy for learning to
understand the British accent.
Zoey told mom her decision. "Covington it is!"
The Brooks parents nodded. "OK! So what about Dustin?"
"I'm coming, too!" The gnome said. Yet his voice was way less convinced
than Zoey's. The parents hardly noticed, but for Zoey it was obvious:
Dustin was hiding something. She was a bit surprised. After the event
with Shinusha, Dustin had become a much closer friend with the new kids
at the PCA - Harper Barret, Nevel Papperman, Megan Parker, Juana
Martinez, Carly Shay, Fredward Benson, Samantha Puckett etc. - than he
had ever been with those he had known before. Alas, as of yet, Zoey
didn't dare to object. But she had to talk about it to Dustin, some day.
Drake Parker had organised a few pupils to sing a farewell song for Zoey
and Dustin. Lisa Perkins, Harper, and many others chimed in.
There's a ship lies rigged and ready in the harbor
Tomorrow for old England she sails
Far away from your land of endless sunshine
To my land full of rainy skies and gales
And I shall be aboard that ship tomorrow
Though my heart is full of tears at this farewell[90]
Michael, Lisa, Nicole, Megan, Reginald, Paige, Freddie, Carly, Sam, ..
they all sobbed piteously and almost broke down, watering the campus with
144

link to page 142 link to page 143 link to page 144 their tears.
[88] which I don't own, and I haven't got any idea who came up with that
song, in the show it's more of a parody of singing
[89] from Robot Wars
[90] Last Farewell by Roger Whitacker and Elvis Presley which I don't own
Quo Vadis, II
Michael had gone almost depressive. He had missed Logan since his
expulsion, and now he had also lost Zoey. He had thought that either
James or Chase had had the power and will to dissuade Zoey from her
mistake, but James had only been a short-time distraction for Zoey, and
Chase had now got Addie Singer. Neither his clackers nor Olivary's hymns
to the moon, accompanied by ancient lunar rituals, could restore his good
mood. He hid in the wardrobe, playing his flute.
Addie and Chase bounded in. They had never seen that coming, and it
wouldn't have come so far hadn't Zoey pushed them into fessing up. They
were of course going to miss Zoey. Too bad the eclatant time shift did
not allow for regular video instant messaging.
"Stacey is going to tape a record with her songs!" Stacey announced. "Our
songs, rather!"
Chase smiled. Stacey had been such a pest, but now he and Addie had
helped her to move ahead.
"By the way, Stacey replaces Zoey as our new roomie." Addie chuckled.
"Moze told me already!" Cahse nodded. "Now she gets to hear the
sassafrass song all night and all day."
Addie and Chase started performing that song.
Michael has always been allergic against Stacey's song. Thus he cringed
and whimpered painfully in his wardrobe, doing him finally in.
Chase heard sounds from the wardrobe. he opened it and found a totally
crazed Michael inside. "Oh my dear! What's that? Michael!"
"Let me die in here!" He cried at the top of his lungs. "Please, don't
bother with me anymore!"
Chase and Addie shrugged. But they couldn't let Michael down.
Quo Vadis, II
145

"Michael has got a grandma whom he respects very much ..." Chase
remembered.
Addie shrugged. "OK, I've heard about that. Do you want to call her? Even
bring her to Michael at PCA?"
Chase sighed. "She seems to be our last anchor and parachute."
Zoey had guided her little brother to his dorm in Covington. She had
already met her own new roomie, a certain Tabitha. Dustin's roomies
weren't around for the moment being, so she had decided to help him a
bit. She noticed that Dustin's face had turned to stone. Thye had not
been talking the long flight from Los Angeles to London Heathrow, as
Dustin had rigorously refused to open up.
Alas, Dustin appeared to break down any moment.
Zoey couldn't watch it any longer. "Dustin! What's going on?"
The dwarf broke into tears. After a few seconds, the whole floor was wet.
"Please, talk about it!" Zoy insisted. "Why have you agreed to come to
London, although it makes you deadly sad?"
Dustin couldn't talk yet, just sob.
Zoey wanted to call the parents who were about accomplishing a bunch of
formularities in the office of Dean Ponds, but she figured that Dustin
would just have become even more terse. "Dustin, spit it out. Why did you
so readily join us to London, although you feel that bad? See, a few
months ago, you did lots of nonsense because you've missed my attention.
But you've found many good friends, ever since. Is something wrong with
them? Juanita, Harper, Nevel, Megan, Reginald, Diego, Freddie, Carly,
Sam, ... "
Dustin blushed deeply when his elder sister had mentioned Carly.
Zoey had noticed that. "Has something bad happened between Carly and you
that scared you across the ocean?" Zoey couldn't imagine. Carly had
always been such a nice girl, Dustin should have been more than glad to
have her among his friends. That she had denounced him watching a movie
rated NC17 was for his own best, and Dustin had recognised that long
since. Finally, Carly had made them clear how much Dustin needed the
attention of the right people."Dustin?" She shook her little brother
vigorously.
"Quite the contrary ..." Dustin sobbed, blushing deeper and deeper. "I
..." He was too much embarassed to finish his clause.
146

For the better or worse, Zoey could imagine what he wanted to say. "Are
you in love with Carly?" Just in love wouldn't be enough to describe it.
Maybe - in Quinn's terminology - from uvula to pancreas would be more
like it, for that's where Dustin's skin had turned all crimson. Yet then
it was even much harder for Zoey to imagin why Dustin had panically fled
to London. She didn't see anything wrong with Dustin loving Carly, when
compared to certain girls she had seen him with before, Trisha Kirby
being the peak of that hill. "It's alright if you are, but why does this
make you run away? Does Carly know?"
Dustin sighed deeply. He was already terribly exhausted.
Zoey sat him on her lap and held him in a way as she had done last time
like 11 years ago when they played mom and baby. She hoped him to start
talking. "If you love Carly, why do you run away from her?"
Dustin sobbed. "Freddie has wanted her for over three year. But she has
always turned him down."
"That is not your fault ..." Zoey shook her head.
"But he's got the older rights, and he's my friend, so I can't take Carly
away from him." Dustin ket on weeping piteously.
Zoey sighed. What to do with such a love-sick puppy? Here, he was going
to wither like a flower in Quinn's portable chemshop. She had to talk to
dad and mom. She also wished to talk to carly about it, but London and LA
were like eight hours apart. Write an e-mail?
Carly Shay had just checked her e-mail. She stormed into the lounge,
where she caught Fredweard Benson and Samantha Puckett bickering as
usual. "Freddie! Sam! Stop that!"
The frenemies looked up.
Zoey Brooks from Covington.
"I've heard that the English kitchen is utter crap" Sam roared, filled
with disgust.
"Do you always have to think about food?" Freddie boomed. He noticed that
Carly coughed and choked when she opened the email. Seeing his friend
unable to read it, he took her laptop and read it on her behalf. "Dustin
is what? In Carly?" Now he coughed and choked. "I've seen that coming!"
"Awwww, someone else than Freddork likes Carly?" Sam's voice was
particularly sarcastic and sadistic, torturing Freddie even more.
Carly shrugged. "Thing is, I could really like him more than just a bit
... Freddie, has he ever talked to you about it?"
147

"Maybe somehow, cryptically ..." Freddie sighed. " I guess he didn't dare
to challenge me, knowing that, for several years ..."
"Give it up, Freddork!" Sam boomed. "Carly will never accept a loser like
you!"
Freddie pouted. Alas, it was nothing new. Sam had always tormented him
like that.
"And Dustin has got style! He doesn't blackmail Carly into kissing him,
as a certain obnoxious freak does." Sam's voice was more penetrant than
ever before.
Freddie almost exploded. He wanted to slay Sam with his laptop, but it
had been too expensive for that, and his mom had said that slaying girls
is not considered a good thing. Yes, he had often enough hugged Carly for
longer than she wanted, and he had tried to persuade her into kissing
him, as a way to return favours. But Sam had exaggerated beyond any
scope.
Carly had no clue as of what to do. She liked Dustin too much to let him
wither from heart rupture. Freddie and Sam, apparently, were not much of
a help in her situation, thus she had no choice other than calling her
elder brother Spencer Shay.
Beverly, the secretary of Dean Rivers, had called Carly into the
headmaster's office.
To Carly's surprise, not only Spencer, but also their grandpa was
present. He was an old uptight advocate, or retired advocate for that
matter. Carly greeted them wholeheartedly.
Grandpa sat down and explained: "OK, Carly, your dad's submarine is
docked in some English harbour, not too far from London, for the next
half of a year, even more. I think it might be a good idea for you to
visit him ..."
"I can't!" Spencer shrugged.
The old man nodded. "Yeah, and I know that most good universities prefer
pupils that have spent a year at a renowned boarding school abroad. It
counts more than good marks and tests. And Carly should not become a
loser like a certain law school dropout." He pouted sarcastically into
Spencer's direction.
Carly's heart started missing beat after beat. "You're going to send me
to Covington?"
The grandpa nodded. "Only so you may find out what's the best for you and
Dustin."
148

Carly sighed. "Probably. Poor guy, and I like him really. Why did I not
notice that earlier? I could jump from the tower bridge for that!"
Spencer objected. "No way! The tower is closed for repairs!"
Carly chuckled. "Alas, what will happene to Sam and Freddie?"
Grandpa shrugged. "I don't see a way to send them to England as well.
Freddie's mom is afraid of transcontinental flights, and Sam ..."
Carly shrugged. "The English cuisine would kill her." She chuckled. "But
who will prevent them from slaying each other?"
Spencer shrugged. "I don't know. Their other friends, maybe?"
Carly nodded. "Sure. It won't be easy for them. Have you already told
Dustin that ..."
"They are already asleep in England!" The grandpa shrugged. "And we don't
have any time to waste. Our flight goes in five hours!"
Spencer grabbed Carly. "Let's get your belongings together. Only the most
necessary ones, I'll care for the rest later on, togetherwith Freddie and
Sam. You won't need much, as dad is going to send someone to help you
getrting started."
Carly smiled. "It will be a nice surprise for Dustin and Zoey."
Now Michael's grandma entered the office of Dean Rivers. "I'm here for
Michael Barret ..."
Dean Rivers nodded. "He's close to going insane. I have to grant him 4
weeks of vacations. He's yours now!"
"You're a very caring old lady?" Grandpa Shay remarked, with the voice of
a true gentleman.
The old woman nodded and smiled in a friendly manner.
"Do you want to join me for a coffee?" Then he noticed that time was
about running out. "Sorry, we've got to postpone that."
Carly, Spencer, and their grandpa finally gone, and nothing could stop
them anymore.
Switching Again
Switching Again
149

Freddie was about getting his schoolbag organised for the day that was in
front of him. He was excited because it was the first day where they had
woodshop classes, the teacher being no other than Spencer Shay, his best
adult friend.
All of a sudden, the door went flung open.
Freddie thought that it was Gibby who had forgotten his shirt. "Keep
better care of your clothes!"
Alas, it wasn't Gibby, but ... "Hey Freddie! It's me!" Dustin squealed.
"Dustin!" Freddie turned around and screamed ecstatically. Then he hugged
the hell out of his friend. "You're back? Or is it just a visit as you've
got three days off school?"
"I'm back!" Dustin beamed. "Zoey told me that I should talk to Carly
about my feelings."
Freddie went pale. "Er ... concerning Carly ..."
"I'm going to visit her right now!" Dustin beamed. And off he was.
"Oh no!!!" Freddie slammed his fists against the desk, almost smashing it
into half. He had to do something. If Dustin figured that Carly had gone
to England, he was going to die. Freddie took his cellular phone and
pushed the buttons. "Sam? Damn Sam, pick it up ... thanks goodness, she's
there ... Sam! You won't believe it ... Dustin Brooks! He's back from
England ... and there's the problem: He's going straight to your dorm in
order to see Carly! But when he realises that she's gone to England ...
Do what you want, but don't hurt his feelings! ... Please!" He banged his
head against the wall. How could this have happened?
"Red alert! Dustin is back!" Sam screamed unto Megan. "Can't you dress as
Carly and ..." she suggested sarcastically.
Megan stared grimly at Sam. "I like Dustin, but I can't replace Carly for
him. And sooner or later, he'll figure the deceit." In addition, she was
proud of having become distinguishable from Carly for almost everyone.
She wanted to be unique, not somebody's lookalike. "And Nevel will curse
a lot of people until the days of dystopia if ..."
Sam sighed deeply. "I guess asking Paige won't help, either ... even if
Dorkinald Bristow doesn't cast curses like nobody's business." She
despaired. "Dern! Dustin may be here any moment!"
"See you for lunch!" Megan rushed out on the floor, leaving Sam alone.
And there was the moment of which Megan had just been speaking.
150

Dustin thundered into the room. "Carly?"
"She ain't here!" Sam boomed.
"Where is she?" Dustin inquired nervously.
Sam choked and coughed. "Oh, she will see you ... until ... the latter
days!" She grabbed Dustin's shoulders and pushed him into the closet.
Then she paced out of the dorm.
"Are you insane, Sam Puckett?" Dustin thundered when he crawled out of
the closet. He adjusted his scrambled clothes carefully. He wanted to
face Carly in his best shirt and pants, not looking like a hobo!
Spencer was nervous when he taught his first lesson as a teacher for the
woodshop elective. "OK, my friends. Today, we are building a bird house."
Stacey Dillsen raised her finger. "I've already built one ... exclusively
using cotton swabs and white glue!"
Spencer chuckled. "OK, that sounds quite interesting, you are?"
"I'm Stacey Dillsen, and I come from Massachusetts. But I also like
Mississippi. My favourite drink is sassafras tea ..." Down to her lispy
voice, she wasn't easy to understand.
Spencer smiled. "That's interesting, but we better talk about all that in
the cafeteria after school. I'll dish out a smoothie for everyone!"
The pupils cheered.
Spencer made the other pupils introduce themselves. "Some of you I know
already, but maybe your fellow pupils don't know you yet, as this is a
class for pupils of a wide range of grades."
Freddie and Sam nodded.
After all that, Spencer looked at a list. "OK, you will work in groups of
two pupils." He read from the list. "Stacey Dillsen and Jenifer Mosely
... and finally ... Fredward Benson and Samantha Puckett!" Of course he
didn't use to call his friends by their full names, thus it sounded
totally funny. "Oh, and there's one pupil that has just been registered
telegraphically ... he should be here by now ..."
The door went open, and Dustin Brooks stumbled into the class. "Hi ...
I'm Dustin Brooks ..."
Spencer remembered having seen Dustin when he had delivered Carly,
Freddie, and Sam into the dean's office. And of course he knew that
Dustin was the reason for which Carly had fled to England. "Dustin
151

Brooks!" He was flabbergasted.
Dustin remembered that Spencer was a relative of Carly. "Where is Carly?"
He sobbed and screamed piteously. "Where is she?"
Spencer sighed deeply. "OK, kids, I have to talk to Dustin. Jenifer, you
look very responsible. Would you please function as an overseer?" He
asked. "And nobody touch the chainsaw or any other machine ..."
Moze nodded solemnly.
Spencer took Dustin for a Walk outside the class room.
Sam snuck up to some buckets of colour that were stacked in the corner.
"Splatterdork time!" She yelled, opening a bucket, diving her hands into
it, and splattering Freddie with paint. "That's fun!"
Jenifer Mosely intervened vigorously. "What's up with you, Sam? Go back
to your work bench!"
"Hey! But where's the fun?" Sam begged.
Alas, Jenifer remained stubborn. "Freddie, go and wash your face in the
toilets down the hall!"
Freddie shrugged. "Yes, mam!"
Spencer sighed. "OK, Dustin, you better lean against the wall when we're
talking ..."
Dustin did so.
"Carly ... when we've heard from your sister that you've missed Carly so
much ..." Spencer explained "We've sent her straight to England! We had
no time to inform you because of the time shift of eight hours."
Dustin was totally consternated and almost passed out.
Spencer caught him. "Listen, it is as much of a surprise for us as it is
for you." He took Dustin into his arms, letting him weep softly.
"That's so not fair ..." Dustin moaned.
Spencer nodded. "The term in England will pass by, and then you will have
much more fun seeing each other again."
"I do hope so!" Dustin declared, still with some tears seaming his
cheeks.
152

Spencer sighed with relief. "And if your sister is still there, Carly
will have some good company."
Dustin nodded. "That she will!"
Carly knocked at Zoey's dorm door at Covington's.
Zoey opened. "Carly?"
Carly beamed. "Is Dustin here?"
Zoey's heart almost stood still. How was she going to explain it to the
young girl? "Carly, there must have been some misunderstanding ... Dustin
has just returned to PCA in order to be with you ..."
Carly was flabbergasted. "Oh no! That can't be ..." She started weeping
piteously.
Zoey took her into her arms. "I know, it's very sad, deadlines and time
shift and stuff like that ... and now we have to wait at least until
summer."
Carly lay on Zoey's bed, shedding tears.
After classes, Freddie, Sam, and Dustin skipped Spencer's social tea
break. Sam and Freddie took Dustin straight to his dorm.
"And you really don't hate me because of my feelings for Carly?" Dustin
asked Freddie.
Freddie shook his head. "I should hate myself for having been enough of a
fool to believe that Carly would ever want me. She's much better off with
you."
"Which girl would want a dorkward, anyways?" Sam remarked sarcastically.
Freddie coughed. "And I've been moving on, and I've found a girl that is
much better for me." he added. It was a lie - a white lie which served in
order to ease Dustin's possible remorses. He hadn't found any girl at
all.
"Yeah?" Dustin smiled a bit. "That's cool! Who is it?"
Freddie was shocked. How could he have brought himself into such a sticky
situation? He choked in a whooping manner. "Er ... it is ..."
Sam knew that Freddie had been talking humbug, just in order to dissuade
Dustin from being even more sad. She stood up and wrapped an arm around
153

Freddie. "Kiss me, you dork!" she ordered with a thundering voice, just
in the likeness of Evelyn Kwong's. She threw her other arm around Freddie
and pulled him closer.
Now Freddie was totally flabbergasted. He tried to flounder, but he was
too much astounded to speak, and he was too weak to escape from Sam's
firm grip on him.
Sam positioned her face in opposition to Freddie's, ready to receive a
kiss.
Freddie gave in. He figured that his white lie was going to receive a lot
of credibility this way, inspite of probably being hard for Dustin to
believe. But better Sam than no girl at all .. He brushed Sam's lips with
his own. Hey, that wasn't all that bad! He did it again, this time with a
lot of feeling invested into the action.
Sam was a bit surprised now. She had expected Freddie to rush it and
break it as soon as possible, but his lips felt like soft velvet. She
couldn't help wishing for more.
Dustin choked. "Sam and Freddie?" Was that even believable? He guessed
that he had to.
Only after two minutes did Freddie and Sam break their smoochie.
"Since when are you ..." Dustin asked.
"Time?" Sam wondered. "What is time?"
"Too true!" Dustin shrugged.
"OK, I've got an idea ..." Freddie announced. "I've installed a two-way
video conference system on Carly's laptop, some time ago. If I do the
same to Dustin's, you may videochat."
Dustin beamed.
Freddie started immediatedly installing the software. "Let's see ...
damn, it doesn't work!"
Dustin moaned with despair.
"Press control-G!" Sam commanded Freddie.
"Erm ..." Freddie followed Sam's command. Was she really as much or even
more knowledgeable in computer stuff than he was himself? He was
surprised. "It works! And Carly is online!" Freddie hasd sent her a mail
earlier that day announcing that they were going to try it, thus Carly
had been staying awake until after midnight. This was not going to become
a permanent solution, as Carly and her roomies needed their sleep.
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link to page 160 Dustin cheered for Freddie and Sam. Then he accepted Carly's chat
request.
They knew that the time shift was going to restrict them to weekends and
a few other occasions, but there was still the possibility of e-mails.
They were secure in the knowledge that the separation was just going to
make their love grow stronger. The wind extinguishes the little spark,
but it spreads the wild fire. In addition, Dustin commanded Zoey to keep
good care of Carly, while the latter obliged Freddie and Sam to do so for
Dustin.
Cardboard Comrade
Coco, Dorm Adviser for the highschool girls, had been so sloppy at her
job that Dean Rivers finally had to draw the consequences. "You're fired!
Get your belongings together and don't leave anything behind! We need you
out of here at noon!"
Coco Wexler was consternated. She had been working in her position since
the school had started admitting girls, which was now almost four years.
As a highschool dropout without a GED, she had no chance to find any
decent job at all. She sighed bitterly, but it was all her fault, as she
had kept on neglecting her pupils shamelessly for a can of raw ravioli
every now and then. Even more, when she was in charge of a camping trip
for middle school kids, she had lost two of the pupils because she had
gone crazy down to the lack of ravioli. In addition, what was her
boyfriend Walter going to say? He still hadn't told his wife Audrey about
the whole thing and pressed for a divorce. Coco needed now some assurance
concerning this as soon as possible.
Dean Rivers had already arranged dates for the first interviews. His
first candidate was a certain Sonya from Seattle. [91] That woman had
previously worked as a private cook for several rich people up there.
"Poor Dustin!" Megan sobbed.
Sam nodded solemnly. "And now I'm going to have to miss out on my best
friend for the next years, or months, whatever. That stinks!"
Mrs. Burvich, the boarding manager of the PCA, came along. "Puckett!
Parker!"
Megan and Sam were flabbergasted.
"According to my list, you are just two in this dorm, right?" Mrs.
Burvich looked like a naughty witch
Cardboard Comrade
155

Megan and Sam choked unison and stared at each other. They didn't want to
share the room with someone that wasn't Carly. It was just as if they
expected Carly back any time. And then everything should be ready for
her.
"But we've got Carly Shay!" Sam moaned.
"According to my list, Ms. Shay left us and went abroad last week!" Mrs.
Burvich cleared her itchy throat. "And this means that ..."
"Carly is still here!" Sam boomed.
"I'll be back in ten minutes, and if Ms. Shay confirms her presence with
her signature, it will be alright." Mrs. Burvich thundered before
leaving.
Megan and Sam chuckled viciously.
"So, what to do when she comes back?" Megan asked.
"You'll pretend to be Carly!" Sam grinned.
"She'll be suspicious if she doesn't see Carly and me together ..." Megan
scratched her head. "Paige!"
Sam and Megan highfived.
The trick had worked out well, but they needed something else to replace
Carly for the eyes of the new Dorm adviser.
Sam grinned when she dragged something man-sized into the dorm. "This is
one of Spencer's sculptures ..." Sam pulled a blanket off the sculpture.
"The bottle guy! It even may move a bit!" Sam pushed a button.
Megan's eyes bugged out. "Cool!"
Sam grinned. "Now we need to repaint it in Carly's likeness. You will
serve me as a model, and I need to borrow the paint from the woodshop!"
Megan had another idea. "Why not ask Maria? You know, Mark del Figgalo's
girlfriend ... or ex-girlfriend ..."
Sam beamed. "Yeah, sure! I don't know whether they are still together,
but the idea is great! Maria is an excellent painter."
156

link to page 160 Maria gave her best to paint the bottle man's head in the likeness of
Carly Shay, using Megan as a model.
Freddie and Dustin stumbled in.
"Doesn't Carly's counterfeit look real?" Sam asked Dustin.
"I could kiss it right on sight!" Dustin smiled.
"Hey! I've been the model, so it should look more like me!" Megan
grinned.
Nevel stumbled in. "You don't dare to kiss Megan!" he boomed. "Or you
will rue the day! Until dystopia ..."
"Dustin has got the message." Megan chuckled. "The cardboard face still
lacks the last polish which will make it clear that it's Carly, not me or
Paige ..."
"Anyways, the counterfeit isn't there in order to fool the boyfriends,"
Sam remarked, "but in order to fool Mrs. Burvich and the dorm advisers!
And they don't know how to distinguish them!"
Megan and Freddie agreed.
The interview with Sonya had been terrible. Instead of giving any
references, Sonya just talked the headmaster's ears off, and she offered
him blueberry muffins which she had baked on site with a new mini stove.
Finally, Dean Rivers had come to a decision. Sonya was not going to be
employed as a dorm adviser, but as a cook, while, in turn, Mrs. Lintye
[92] from the cafeteria was moved into the office of a dorm adviser for
the high school girls.
pa
Breakfast time.
"Hey, these blueberry muffins are delicious!" Sam remarked.
Megan nodded.
Sam took Freddie's muffin and shoved it between her teeth.
"That was my muffin!" Freddie remarked.
"Let's pretend that it was mine, will we?"
157

Freddie shrugged helplessly.
Nevel wondered. "Did anyone notice your deceit?"
Sam shook her head vigorously. "They are dumb and dumber ..."
Megan chuckled. Take a bit of painted cardboard, and the dorm advisers
fall like flies ... and we've already feared that only Coco could be such
a creep.
Nevel sighed. "Maria had done a great job, after all. I think the curse
is now cancelled." He was referring to the malediction he had bestowed
upon Mark and Maria after Mark had dumped Quinn for the second time.
Megan and Sam nodded.
p
Dustin looked at the menu. He sobbed. "Do you know what crap they get to
eat at Covington's?"
"Poor Carly!" Sam sighed.
"Whereas we get today Cooscoos with Baba Ghenoush" Dustin beamed.
Sam's mouth turned watery.
Lola Martinez, sitting next table, wondered who Bob Ganoosh was, she
thought of him as a great kisser and football player.
Carly and Zoey occasionally met for lunch in the cafeteria of Covington
Prep. The English kitchen was terrible, just as expected, even worse than
the weather. Endless storms and mounds of rain were not really uncommon
for Seattle girl Carly Shay.
"Would you even want me as a sister in law?" Carly asked Zoey.
"If it makes Dustin happy ..." Zoey answered. "And if you stand through
this semester of separation, I'll be sure that you do."
Carly smiled. "Will you return to the PCA for prom night? I'd come with
you."
Zoey chuckled. "I know that you would use that occasion, but what should
I do there. Nobody expects me and invites me for the prom ball." Zoey
sighed.
"Chase? James?" Carly wondered.
158

Zoey shrugged. "James had been a cute distraction for a change. And Chase
is really better of with me as a friend. Addie is much more suited for
him. They are really able to share everything." Zoey sighed. "And it has
nothing to do with sex and other disgusting stuff."
Carly sighed. "You're probably right ... it's so damn' hard to land a
lucky strike. Chase must be a hell of fortunate."
Zoey nodded solemnly. "He really is, more than anyone else."
Freddie had wondered why Sam had been able to fix the connection to
London. Was it just mere random, or was she more proficient with
computers than anyone had hitherto been able to imagine? He decided to
ask Sam.
Sam chuckled. But she didn't know whether to admit to it, or to deny it.
"Dorkward, I ..." She blushed with embarassment.
"Yeah, Sam?" He didn't notice the crismson shade in her face.
Sam sighed bitterly. "What I have to tell you ... I've taken that online
course of the Moving Picture Experts Group, curtailed M.P.E.G..."
Freddie was consternated. He had been the computer freak, right? So why
didn't he know what M.P.E.G. stood for, given that he used programs made
by that group every day. "Yeah Sam?" He stammered.
Sam moaned. "I've done all that in order to impress one certain guy ..."
"And who would that be?" stubborn Freddie stammered.
Sam sighed more and more. How could Freddie be such a dork? Wait ... she
liked him properly because he was like that, not instead of. She couldn't
stand all those popular boys, arrogant jerks that treated girls like
throw away toys.
"Spit it out!" Freddie appeared more and more impatient. "I won't tell
anyone!"
Sam had no other choice. "It's for you!" She sighed, trying to release
her tension noisily. "I've done all this for you ..."
Freddie was consternated. "So the kissing stuff last night ... it wasn't
just for Dustin ..." Freddie stammered.
Sam shook her head. Finally Fredweird had come to get it. She threw her
arms tenderly around Freddie. "I love you."
Freddie was still flabbergasted. Yet he decided to return Sam's affection
in kind.
159

link to page 155 link to page 157 Dustin walked in on the two of them. "Oops!" Then he disappeared again.
"Supper with Gibby and Nevel ... be back later!"
Chase sighed with relief. "Michael is coming back after the break!"
Addie who had been practising some tune with him smiled in agreement.
"Poor Michael! But he has still got many friends here. He should
concentrate on those that he's got."
Chase nodded. "Also, Logan will be back for Junior Prom if Dana invites
him."
"You're sure that she will do that?" Addie wondered.
Chase nodded. "They may appear harsh to each other, but that's only
because they know exactly that each other is able to bear it."
Addie sighed with relief. "Good for them!" Then she threw her arms around
Chase, pecking him on the cheeks. "Oops!" She wasn't sure whether Chase
appreciated that, given that it had so far just been Zoey's impression
that Chase and Addie had been made for each other.
Chase swooned. "Aw Addie ... do you want to be my prom bride?"
Addie beamed brightly. "Sure!"
[91] iCarly : iPromote Techfoots
[92] Zoey's Ribs
Last Break before the Storm
Too bad the break was going to be too short for a visit to London.
For Dustin this meant that he had to stay at PCA.
Spencer decided to pass the break by Dustin's side. This, so he hoped,
was going to soothe Dustin's depressivity. Spencer had many stories to
tell about little Carly, and Dustin was sure going to be interested in
hearing them.
Freddie and Sam decided to stay at the PCA, as well. They had to talk
Mrs. Benson into allowing for this. Yet, the poor lady had no clue about
Freddie and Sam having become a couple. If she had known, she would have
worried about Freddie becoming a dad so soon, and stuff like that, and
hence refrained herself from allowing him to stay at the PCA over the
Last Break before the Storm
160

short break. Hell, she would have fetched in person from Malibu, just to
be sure that he wasn't abusing the occasion in order to make fancy stuff
with Sam.
Coco, who had now got all the time in the world, had offered the kids a
camping trip to Yosemite Park in Central California, far from the Pacific
coast. Alas, Dustin was afraid as Coco had already lost one of his class
mates during a camping trip. And, even worse, there were wild bears in
Yosemite's, and Dustin was deadly afraid of bears. Alas, Addie and Chase
gladly accepted Coco's offer. Walter, Josh, and Mindy were going to join
them on the camping trip across the park.
As boring as it was probably going to be alone at the PCA, Dustin was
looking froward to being able to webchat with England during times of the
day that were usually impossible due to the time shift. Alas, he was a
little bit sad because his mom didn't have a webchat set, as of yet. He
wanted to earn a few bucks in order to buy her one, but since Logan had
been expelled, there was nobody left to give him a job, was there? That
was so not fair ...
Freddie plugged the web cam and the lap top into the supply socket.
Spencer, Dustin, and Sam had bathed as they had never bathed before. They
wanted to look cool when they saw their friends and family in Covington.
"Hi Zoey!" Dustin smiled.
Zoey grinned. "Carly is for little girls and will be back any time ..."
Sam and Freddie waved at Zoey, too.
Spencer just waited in the background.
Carly returned from the toilet. "Hi! I'm back!"
Dustin wondered about Carly's outfit.
"Aw ... I've found something in a quarter called Soho ..." Carly sighed.
"Unfortunately, it was too expensive. So Zoey offered to sew something in
its likeness ..."
Zoey nodded solemnly.
Dustin beamed. "That's supercool!"
Sam and Freddie had decided not to hide it any longer from Carly.
Freddie grabbed Sam and pulled him closer.
Sam smooched the hell out of Freddie.
161

"Freddie? Sam?" Carly scartched her head. "I think there's a prroblem
with the broadcast ..."
Zoey had also known Freddie and Sam as bickering frenemies. "That must be
it ... Freddie and Sam kissing? That's so ..."
Dustin took over. "Carly, Zoey ... it's exactly that ... Sam has always
wanted Freddie. She has taken online classes about media technology, just
in order to impress Freddie, yet she really rocks at it, and she has
turned even a greater expert than him!"
Sam beamed proudly.
Freddie nodded solemnly.
Carly was a bit disappointed because Spencer was hideng somewhat.
"Spencer! Come here!"
Freddie and Sam grabbed Spencer and dragged him in front of the webcam.
Carly chuckled. "Cool!"
Spencer floundered, but it was all in vain.
Carly chuckled. "OK, Spencer ... look straight into the cam!"
Spencer grimaced.
"Zoey ..." Carly turned to her friend, "this is my elder brother, Spencer
..."
Zoey plastered a smiled. "Er ... hi, Spencer ..." she waved carefully
into the cam. "I've seen him when you arrived at PCA for the first time
..." She whispered to Carly.
Carly nodded. "OK, Spencer, Zoey, is looking for a prom partner this
summer, so she has got a reason to visit the PCA." Carly sighed. "Would
you ..."
Spencer looked consternated. "What? I'm a teacher!"
"A cool teacher ..." Freddie and Sam remarked unison,
Dustin nodded. "Yeah, he is!"
Zoey was equally flabbergasted. "He's an adult!"
"Hey!" Carly chuckled. "You don't have to marry him ... just a bit of
party fun!"
"I don't know ..." Zoey grumbled.
162

link to page 166 "I can do the firecracker dance!" Spencer grinned. "Watch!"
Too bad the webcam's sector was too small to be able to catch Spencer's
attempted performance.
Zoey grinned.
"What's in it for me?" Spencer asked.
"Zoey may design cool things that fit to your sculptures." Carly grinned.
"I think she has made some socks ..."
Zoey nodded. "That's true. I've figured that boys have trouble finding
their own feet in the darkness, or so Nevel told me on the way to Milan
..." Zoey sighed. "So he helped me to come up with fanciful illuminated
socks. Nevel still has got a pair of them ... I guess."
"And ties!" Carly beamed.
Spencer shrugged. He always wanted to wear fanciful designer outfit that
is worthy of a pop artist like himself or the great Harry Joyner.
Unfortunately he had to wait until Nevel was back from the vacations.
"So,what should we do if a bear comes after us?" Addie wondered.
"Chase will chase him away with his bushy head." Mindy replied.
Coco slurped the sauce from an open can of ravioli.
"Don't ravioli attract wild bears?" Josh twitched.
Walter chuckled. "Not if the can is bear-proof![93] ."
Suddenly, a wild bear broke through the shrubbery.
"Throw the can of ravioli away!" Chase commanded Coco.
"Hey! What do you want?" Coco asked the bear. "These are my ravioli!"
The bear growled and exposed his fangs.
"Forget it!" Coco bellowed. "I won't part with my ravioli!"
The bear wasn't all that much impressed by Coco's grimaces. He raised his
paws and slashed vishiously at Coco, making her drop the can of ravioli.
Coco didn't give up.
Walter, Josh, and Mindy hid cowardly in their tents.
163

Chase and Addie took their guitars,
"Are they going to sing a song for the bear?" Josh asked Mindy.
Mindy shook her head. "Bears don't like country pop ..."
"They don't?" Josh twitched.
Addie tried to chase the bear with her guitar.
Chase followed her example, although he was usually one of the worst
cowards of the whole school.
Alas, whatever they tried, there was no chance they could weven tickle
the bear.
When the beast was distracted for a moment, Coco jumped and grabbed her
can of ravioli once again.
The bear was now really angry and jumped on Coco, threattening to scratch
her face and shred it into oblivion.
Suddenly, a dart came flying from behind another shrubbery. A man around
forty showed up.
The bear floundered, gurgled, passed out, and slumped to the ground.
"Olé!" The man cried.
"Walter, Josh, and Mindy crawled out from their tents."
"I'm Gordy!from Ned's Declassified SSG" The man introduced himself.
"Thanks, Sir!" Walter sighed with relief.
"Usually, I'm a custodian at a school in La Mesa, named James K. Polk's."
Gordy admitted. "And,trust me, there are some wild, ferocious animals
down there ..."
Addie looked at Chase, making him glare back. "What sort of animals?"
Addie needed to know.
"A weasle!" Gordy skreeched.
The others chuckled.
"Weasles may be very dangerous!" Gordy swore.
Chase shrugged. "Worse than raccoons?"
164

Gordy shivered. "No idea ... but if I see one, I'll hunt him down until
the end of the world!"
"Gordy ..." Chase sighed. "If you need a change , come to my school, the
Pacific Coast Academy! I don't trust our custodian, he's up to nothing
good! Please protexct me from raccoons!"
Gordy shrugged. "Maybe I should."
"Mr. Bandel?" Josh wondered. "What's wrong with him?"
Addie shook her head. "Bandel is cranky, but he's just the night shift.
We're talking about day-shift custodian, Seamas Finnegan!"
"Oh yeah, that's a jerk!" Josh admitted.
"He has once stolen a can of ravioli from me and opened it with a
man-sized chainsaw!" Coco complained.
Suddenly, a megaphone boomed, apparently that of Dean Rivers.
"Attention! Attention!" The headmaster's voice was angrier than ever
before. "This is Dean Rivers. Last night, a trophy has been stolen from
my collection in the administration building. The culprit is requested to
show up in my office by noon, or else ..."
Freddie, Sam, Dustin, and Spencer didn't want to here the rest.
"haven't they got those security cams everywhere in the admin quarters?"
Spencer wondered.
Dustin nodded. "Those things are bigger than my head!"
The megaphone sounded again. "The security cam had been knocked out by
some flying hammer."
"Oh my god!" Spencer sighed with despair. "I've made a sculpture of
hammers, called the wheel of swinging hammers ..."
Freddie and Sam stared at Spencer.
"But it wasn't me!" Spencer sobbed. "I swear it!"
Spencer and the kids arrived in the headmaster's office and told them the
story.
"Sorry, but I have to suspend you, until the whole thing has been
clarified!!" Rivers thundered into Spencer's direction.
165

link to page 163 The kids sighed with disappointment.
Alas, Sam had an idea. "Freddie, haven't you attached Quinn's quinnocular
to a webcam, and it runs 24/24? Maybe the webcam has recorded it ..."
Freddie and Dustin beamed. "OK, let's check it!"
Freddie plugged his laptop into the sicket. "OK, the quinnocular webcam
... It may penetrate the walls of the buildings here, most of them
anyways ..."
Sam and Freddie fumbled with the electronics.
"Wait! This is the moment when ..." Dean Rivers remarked.
Sam set the replay to slow motion. "Here we have it, and the culprit is
..."
"Seamas Finnegan?" Dean Rivers screamed with consternation when he
recognised the custodian.
The door went open. "Yes, it's me!" Finnegan wielded his giant chainsaw.
"And now I'm going to saw the golf trophy into half! Or anyone whoi gets
close to me!" He grinned satanically. "Carl, we've been together in the
victorious golf team of the PCA ... 30 years ago. You were the captain,
ecause your father was a rich snob. But I would have deserved it, not
you!"
Dean Rivers screamed in agony when Finnegan swang the saw at the trophy.
Suddenly Addie and Chase stood in the door. Two guitar cases were swung
at the head of Finnegan, knocking him out.
"Matthews! Singer!" Dean River sighed with relief.
"We've never trusted Finnegan!" Chase admitted.
"And we've found a new and better custodian ..." Addie smiled, sending
Gordy into the office. "He's particularly skilled in hunting ferocious
beasts on the campus."
Rivers smiled. "Squirrels? Skunks? We've got all sorts of them."
Gordy smiled and agreed fast with Dean Rivers on the terms of his future
job at the PCA.
[93] cmp. Drake & Josh : Number One Fan
166

The Return of the Cheater
Vince huggled his little sister Ashley. "Yeah! It worked!"
Ashley smiled. "You may come back to the PCA?"
Vince nodded solemnly. "Dean Rivers believes that I'm now a normal guy
and not a danger for the morals of the school!"
"Acting!" Ashley beamed proudly. She had taught Vince how to feign being
nice and trick them all, including, finally, Dean Rivers..
"Thanks, sis!" Vince sighed with relief. "I wouldn't have made it
anywahere without your help!"
Ashley smiled. But she also felt a bit guilty. "If I hadn't been such an
arrogant diva in the first place, you wouldn't have had the need to cheat
and bully in order to become a star like me."
Vince ruffled Ashley's hair. "Let's forget about it. You are my little
star."
"And you're my big star!" Ashley grinned. "But now Lola will regret
having betrayed you."
"If it was Lola indeed, she will!" Vince swored.
Ashley wondered. "Have you got your doubts?"
Vince nodded. "Lola isn't as good an actress as you are. And she's
totally gullible. She may just have been someone's tool ..."
"Whose tool?" Ashley wondered.
"Who hated me most?" Vince shrugged.
"Boys who envied you ..." Ashley suggested.
Vince nodded. "That makes sense ... probably Logan Rese and Drake Parker.
We've had that bet ... and I've made it to Lola first. She was going to
praise my kisses."
Ashley nodded. "Logan Reese has been expelled a few weeks ago, but Drake
is still around ... and he has got the hots for Lola, and vice versa ...
totally, from head to toey!"
"It should have been Drake!" Vince thundered. "I'll pulverise him!"
The Return of the Cheater
167

"One problem ..." Ashley objected. "Drake is way too dumb to get you
framed."
"How could I forget about that!" Vincent Blake hammered with both of his
fists at his head. "And so is Logan Reese ..."
"Definitely!" Ashley sighed.
"Maybe some other secret worshippers of Lola ..." Vince grumbled.
Ashley remembered something. "Hey! Lola once had a crush on Chase
Matthews ..."
"Chase!" Vince boomed. "But how did that turn out?"
Ashley nodded. "Lola must have had a really poor taste back then,
downright abominable. Chase first accepted dating her, but then backed
out because he had remorses ..." Ashley sighed. "He told Lola that there
was that girl from his hometown ... and now we know who that was ..."
Vince grumbled. "Not that Brooks wench?"
Ashley grinned. "No way! It was Rebecca, the archenemy of that Brooks
beast."
Vince hammered at his skull again. "Oh yeah, the one that Chase had sent
flying when she complained about him talking to Zoey."
Vince nodded. "Brooks and Matthews ... hey! Zoey Brooksd was the one to
deny my request to write the term finals for me!"
Ashley beamed. "There we've got it ... Zoey and Chase are at the bottom
of the whole expulsion! Too bad Zoey is now in England. But Chase
Matthews ..."
"I'm so going to squish him like a fly!" Vince announced solemnly.
Ashley grinned. "You're the best fly swatter west of the Mississippi!"
Vince Blake punched his sister playfully in the shoulder. "Hey!" he had
sometimes been called a fly swatter by his coack when the latter wasn't
content with Vincent's catching performance.
After the vacations, Michael returned to the PCA.
Chase was glad to see him again.
"Michael!" Olivary swooned. "Let's play the moon dance!"
Chase sent Olivary away. "I've got to talk to Michael."
168

Olivary sighed and pouted.
Chase sighed when Olivary Biallo had left through the door. "Dean Rivers
is about pardoning Vincent Blake." Chase shivered.
Michael was flabbergasted. "Oh no ... he's going to figure that you've
been behind his expulsion!"
Chase nodded. "I'm a goner!"
Michael shivered. "We must be faster than him and teach him a lesson!"
Chase nodded. "What we need is a trouble maker!"
Michael and Chase highfived.
"Maybe the new custodian may help us?" Chase wagered.
"What new custodian?" Michael scratched his head.
"Gordy!" Chase chuckled. "He has replaced Finnegan. Gordy is an
experienced weasle hunter." Chase grinned.
Megan highfived Dustin. "20 miles! That's a new record for the charity
walkathon!"
Dustin smiled. "And Lola sponsored me with 30 bucks per mile."
"600 green leaves!" Megan beamed brightly.
"600 what?" Lola wondered.
Megan did the maths: " Thirdy bucks per mile, 20 miles, that sums up to
600 bucks!"
Lola had misunderstood the whole thing. She was supposed to sponsor
Dustin per mile, not flatly. Alas, she didn't have the bucks!
Sam sighed. "The organisation belongs to my uncle Carmine, and he is
really mean!"
Lola trembled.
Nevel had listened. "Carmine is going to rue the day!" Nevel thundered.
"He will rue it! Until the times of dystopia is he going to rue it!"
Megan and Dustin applauded wholeheartedly.
Lola hoped that Nevel's curse worked wonders ...
169

Megan went to Nevel's laptop. "Hey, gambling is illegal at the PCA!"
"Yeah? And so?" Dustin moaned.
"Don't you get it ..." Megan sighed. "The whole action with bidding money
per mile is against the rules of the school! It's like Russian roulette
..."
Nevel beamed. "We're going to Mr. Bradford!"
Megan nodded. "That's it."
Mr. Bradford stumbled into the administration office. "Beverley!" He
boomed. "Where is Dean Carl Rivers?"
"He should be back any moment!" Beverly was surprised.
Mr. Rivers came back from the room for little boys. "Mr. Bradford?" He
hadn't known about the founder's visit to the school.
"Dean Rivers!" Mr. Bradfard was angry. "I'm consternated."
"I don't know what you're talking about ..." Dean Rivers stammered.
Mr. Bradford stomped his feet. "The charity walkathon ... kids are
supposed to offer a certain amount per mile."
Dean Rivers shrugged.
"How could you allow for this?" Mr Bradford slammed his fist against Dean
Rivers's table. "Are you aware that this is illegal betting, and even if
it weren't because of the charity puropose, you need to check for the
written consent of the parents or guardians of the pupils. Did you do
anything like that? The parents of some of the pupils deny that, and
there is no written eveidence that any of the responsible adults have
ever been informed avbout this action."
Dean Rivers felt like hit by a giant lightning bolt.
"But it isn't even a charity event!" Mr. Bradford explained. "Mr. Carmine
is wanted in seven states for tax fraud and illegal bank affairs."
Dean Rivers almost passed out.
"Mr. Rivers!" Mr. Bradford boomed again. "Do you know what this means?
The confidence of the parents in our school has been stained. People will
unregister kids from here, and less new pupils will get enrolled. The
losses may be gigantic. I leave it hear with a warning, but next time I
get to here anything like that, I'm going to look for a new headmaster.
Have I been cleer enough?"
170

"Crystal ..." Dean Rivers stammered.
"OK!" Mr. Bradford turned around, ready to leave the office. "Have a nice
day!"
"I need a cognac!" Dean Rivers whimpered with his last efforts.
"This is a school!" Beverly replied. "No alcohol is allowed here,
especially not at daytime!" She shook her head. How may Dean Rivers have
forgotten about that?
Dean Rivers passed out.
Chase and Michael snuck into the custodian's workshop.
"Hi kids!" Gordy smiled. He had just donned his safari suit. "The perfect
outfit for the weasle hunt!" He showed the kids his collection of weasle
traps.
Chase and Michael were impressed.
"So ... what do you need?" Gordy asked.
"We need a trap for a ... bigger version ... of a weasle." Chase
stammered.
"How big?" Gordy wondered.
"Six foot for and full of muscles!" Michael explained.
"Oh, I see ..." Gordy scratched his chin. "Let's go for this!"
Chase and Michael wondered about some trap.
Megan passed by. "Aw you boobs!" She chuckled. "If you need a real trap
for Vince Blake, you need to ask me!"
Chase was astonished. "How do you know about Vince?"
"Hey! Remember, I've helped you." Megan reminded Chase. "Hence he will
want to get back at me as well."
A few days later ...
"Thanks , pal!" Chase told Vince. "Let's go for a smoothie?"
"Sure!" Vince smiled. Michael, you're coming too?
171

Michael grinned. "Of course!"
Megan observed the situation suspiciously. She still refused to trust
Vince. Even more, Vince tried apparently to ask out Lola, and then Drake
would slide back into his old one-girl-per-fortnite habit. This had to be
prevented. Even more, Zoey Brooks had to be warned. Also, after Bradford
having reading the Levitics before Dean Rivers, the latter was now
downright cornered. He couldn't afford any other complaint from the
parents, especially about Vince Blake, or there was going to be a new
headmaster.
Zoey was equally consternated when she had heard that Vince had been
pardoned and was no back at PCA.
"He appears to be nice?" Carly shrugged.
Zoey nodded. "I hate to look for the bad in people ... except that Trisha
Kirby, back then, or other girls that don't deserve Dustin, unlike you
..."
Carly smiled. "So, will we go to the PCA for the prom night?"
Zoey nodded. "I try to give my best ad forget about what Vince had done
... otherwise, Dustin would be very much disappointed."
Carly hugged Zoey and smiled. "It will be a funny time at the prom ..."
"Spencer needs to like the socks and ties, first, though ..." Zoey
warned.
Carly shrugged. "Spencer likes cranky outfits, and if you make it even
look fashionable ... I know him too well!"
"I wish I knew Dustin that well ..." Zoey sighed.
"Hey, you're a really good sister." Carly smiled. "Good in another sense
than Spencer being a good brother, but Dustin may be glad."
Zoey moaned. "I hope so!"
Spencer went into Nevel's dorm.
"You are?" Nevel glared oddly at Nevel. "Frewss up or rue the day!"
"I'm Spencer Shay." Spencer sighed. "The brother of Carly."
Nevel shrugged. "Oh yeah, Zoey had sent me that mail ... Indeed, I've
still got a few socks and ties and penny tops." He rummaged through his
172

belongings.
Spencer saw the socks. "Wow! Those are ..."
Nevel grinned. "Zoey has got style!"
Spencer smiled. He definitely had to get to know Zoey Brooks closer.
"Most obviously!"
Nevel nodded. "I think that you may make her a manequin doll in turn ...
she will need one as a future fashion stardesigner. And you make them so
fanciful ..."
Spencer smiled.
No Coffee Today
"Happy Hour!" Coffee-cart vendor Calvin yelled again.
And this meant: half the price for everything!
As may have been expected, the pupils stormed his cart. It was one hell
of a chaos.
Lola Martinez had just purchased a cup of coffee, when she noticed that
the straw was missing. She needed one, and hence she jumped towards the
car. Unfortunately she slipped and triggered the lever that blocked the
wheels of the cart.
The vehicle started rolling down the slope, causing panic.
Tipper Rivers, the evil wife of the headmaster, was typing an annoying
SMS when she was hit by the cart.
Dean Rivers was dismayed. He had been hating his wife for over five years
now, and he was finally going to get a divorce, but, for the time being,
he better feigned not to treat her like the dirt that she was, for
otherwise Tipper's shark was so going to tear Dean Rivers limb from limb
and making him lose his house, his car, his video games, briefly,
everything. Unfortunately he couldn't wait for Claire Sawyer, future
lawyer, to graduate from law school, otherwise he would have employed her
as his advocate and easily sent Tipper into the slums where she properly
belonged to, the bitchy wench that she was. He took his megaphone and
announced that the cart was banned, and coffee was no longer legal on the
campus. He had always been of the opinion that today's youth drank too
much coffee, anyways. "This prohibition is valid for pupils, for
teachers, for everyone, including myself!"
No Coffee Today
173

link to page 179 The pupils were apparently consternated, there was absolutely no question
about that..
Even those who did not like coffee were dismayed, as Calvin's car had
also sold tea, cold drinks, and pastry. And, all of a sudden, all those
things were gone for the time being, or , maybe, even for good. The
problem was that Calvin's upstream frenchise provider was primarily
interested in the sale of coffee and refused to deliver the other stuff
alone.
Addie Singer took her guitar and started singing a song. [94]
No c'ffee today, my love has gone away
The cup stands all for lorn, a symbol of the dawn
No c'ffee today, it seems a common sight
But people passing by don't know the reason why
"It's all Lola's fault!" Stacey squealed.
Moze and Addie agreed.
Only Lisa Perkins tried to defend Lola, but she was too weak.
Moze didn't like coffee all that much, but she missed the juices.
Addie smiled. "Hey! My brother Ben works in a juice bar!"
"And so?" Lisa moaned.
"He may at least sell pastry and juice." Addie smiled.
"I think you hate your brother?" Moze wondered.
"Hate is such a strong word among siblings ..." Addie sighed. "Let's say
he's pretty much annoying from time to time."
Moze nodded. "OK, I understand that. Ad he won't sleep in our dorm?" Moze
worried.
Addie shook her head. "No way! He isn't a tame boy like Dustin, you don't
know what happens!"
Moze sighed. "I somewhat miss Dustin's visits ..."
Addie nodded. "He is really cute and likable for a little boy ..."
"He won't be that little for much longer ..." Lola grinned. "Since he has
got the hots for Carly Shay ..."
174

"I've heard Zoey and Carly will visit for the prom night!" Mary Ferry
remarked.
Lisa Zemo nodded. "It will be fun ..."
"Zoey ... have you already heard that coffeee has been banned at the
PCA?" Carly screamed.
Zoey sighed. "Oh really? They should better do that here."
Carly nodded. "I loved the coffee at the PCA, but this luke-warm brown
sewage that they dare to call coffee over here ..."
"They are now hiring Addie's brother for selling pastry and juice." Carly
sighed.
"Oh oh ..." Zoey was not at ease with that thought. "Ben Singer is not
the kind of guy that I suppose to have a good influence on boys like
Dustin ... putting it mildly."
Carly moaned, "Gross! But Spencer will take care of that, I hope!"
Zoey nodded. "Spencer may be a bit cranky at times, but I trust him
there."
Carly smiled sweetly.
Ben Singer knocked at Chase's, Michael's and James's door. It went open,
whereupon he stepped in. "Benjamin Singer, juice vendor ..."
Chase smiled. "OK, you may sell the stuff in front of our lounge."
Ben nodded. "Oh, Matthews, I need to talk to you alone ..."
Chase looked at James and Michael, sending them off to the campus.
"OK, I've heard there's something between you and my little sister?" Ben
asked sternly.
"Er ... somewhat ..." Chase stammered. "Kind of, sort of ... but she
isn't pregnant, is she? She shouldn't be ... and if, it wouldn't be my
fault, honestly ..."
Ben Singer shook his head. "I wouldn't know about that ..." He sighed.
"All that matters is, whether you're serious and don't break her heart as
that Behari guy did."
Chase wasn't a heartbreaker guy. "Honestly, I won't. I swear it!"
175

"Hand to hand? With saliva?" Ben grinned.
Chase shrugged. "If it has to be ... Singer!" He spat into his hands and
grabbed Ben's. "And off to the toilets! And so should you, or there will
be problems with health department of the local police!"
"Oops!" Ben Singer would have totally forgotten about that.
Ben Singer's way of hitting on girls was even worse than Calvin's, but
they all flocked to his booth in droves.
Dean Rivers passed by. "What's that?"
Ben grinned. "No coffee, Sir!"
Dean Rivers inspected Ben Singer's juice booth closely. "That seems OK.
But have you got a concession?"
"A what?" Ben Singer looked dumbfounded.
Dea Rivers looked grimly. "A legal permit to run a booth? You need one
from Executive Chairman Berman and one from the local office for mobile
trading!"
Ben Singer went pale.
"I give you 48 hours, and if you don't bring me the papers, the booth
will be gone, as well. You've got it?"
Ben sighed deeply. It was probably impossible to get those permits within
measly two days ...
Stacey walked past. "Oh Ben!" She smiled. "May I have a cup of sassafras
tea, for me and my cotton swabs?"
Ben scratched his head. "A cup of what?"
"Sassafrass tea!" Stacey screamed. "I love it!"
Sip it in the morning
Sip it in the evening
Sip it at a quarter to three.
I want sassafras
You want sassafras
We want sassafras tea!
Ben shrugged. "No, we haven't got any infusions."
176

link to page 179 Stacey walked away, weeping piteously. Calvin never had any, and Ben
wasn't any better! She was so disappointed and wanted to jump off the
Golden Bay Bridge.
Chase sat in the shadow, leaning against an old Californian oaken tree.
"Oh, Addie!" He smiled when he saw her coming.
Addie sat down by Chase's side and handed him a smoothie. "Family
discount ... if Ben doesn't give me a few free smoothies, I'm going to
tell mom some stuff ..."
Chase chuckled. "You're the best, Addie!" He sipped on his smoothie.
Addie smiled. "A kiss?"
Chase nodded. "OK, but don't be sad if it's just a cheek kiss ... I hate
being reminded tothe kiss with Rebecca ..."
Addie nodded understandingly when she threw her arms around Chase. "I
love you, I really do!"
"I love you too!" Chase assured honsestly.
Dean Rivers walked the campus agin, controlling whethere his prohibition
against coffee was strictly adhered to.
Nevel Papperman stepped up to the headmaster. "Dean Rivers! Sir!"
The headmaster stared at Nevel.
"There is coffee, somewhere on the campus, I smell it!" Nevel confirmed.
Dean Rivers coudln't smell anything and shrugged helplessly.
Nevel sniffed at the headmaster. "Cologne Randy Jackson, Tight-Dawg. [95].
"
Dean Rivers was impressed. He hadn't applied the cologne to his skin for
almost a week, but Nevel could still smell it. "OK, where's the coffee?"
Nevel sniffed the air. "Follow me!"
Rivers followed the boy who kept on sniffing every few yards.
177

Finally, Nevel Papperman and Dean Rivers entered some office somewhere on
the campus.
"The stench of coffee comes from there!" Nevel pointed at some cache in
the wall.
Slowly, but safely Dean Rivers started to notice the scent. He walked to
the location that Nevel had just indicated, and he opened the door of the
cache. And there it was: "Coffee!"
Nevel beamed. "I so knew it!"
Dean Rivers boomed. "I'm consternated! If I make a prohibition against
something, it's valid for everyone: pupils, teachers, even myself!" He
sat down. "Whoever's office that is, he may consider himself expelled!"
He looked around. "Beverly!"
The next door opened, and the headmaster's secretary bounded in. "Sir?"
Dean Rivers wondered why Beverly was already here.
"That's because this is your office, Sir, and I'm working next door,
remember?" Beverly remarked, slightly puzzled.
Dean Rivers went pale in his face.
"I'm consternated!" Nevel boomed. "What will Mr. Bradford think about
this?"
"Erm ..." Dean Rivers was close to passing out. "Beverly ... tell
everyone that the prohibition against coffee is over ... it was a stupid
idea, anyways ..."
"OK, Sir!" Beverly had been suffering like hell from coffee withdrawal.
"But the carts remain banned!" Dean Rivers added. "Coffee for the pupils
only in the cafeteria and from the vendor machines in the lounge!"
Nevel smiled. "A wise decision."
Calvin was now Ben's assistant. He had the necessary papers, but only Ben
had the contacts to his juice frenchise company. Their booth had no
wheels, thus they respected the new security laws.
"Wait, there's something missing on the price list ..." Ben remarked. He
took a pencil and wrote: Sassafras Tea, 1.00
Stacey walked past and cheered ecstatically.
178

link to page 179 link to page 174 link to page 177 link to page 179 "The first cup is free!" Ben decided when he handed Stacey a steamy cup
of sassafras tea.
Moze and Spencer grinned. They had talked Ben into offering sassafras
tea.
Addie and Chase walked away into the school garden, arm in arm. They were
tired from the fuss about the coffee.
They took a guitar and started playing and singing after they rubbed
their cheeks against each other's. [96]
Let us leave our confusion and all desillusion behind
Just like birds of a feather a rainbow together we find.
No wonder my happy heart sings.
Our love is giving us wings.
[94] adapted from No Milk Today by Herman's Hermits
[95] iCarly : iSpy A Mean Teacher
[96] Frank Sinatra: Volare Cantare which I don't own.
Geometry and Physics
Mr. Beringer was upset when all his pupils slept through the physics
lessons. He had been talking about potential and kinetic energy for half
an hour, apparently for naught.
Cookie stood up. "Sir! I've got an idea ..."
Mr. Beringer wondered what Cookie had to suggest.
"We should go to a roller coaster! It rests exclusively on the laws of
geometry and physics, potential and kinetic energy!" Cookie boomed.
"And a ride on it would be even better!" James suggested.
Mr. Beringer nodded. "OK ... the spine twister on Mystic Mountain should
do it!"
Michael Barret was flabbergasted. He had never made it to a rollercoaster
because he was terribly afraid of it.
Geometry and Physics
179

link to page 184 link to page 184 Alas, the rest of the class cheered emphatically, not noticing Michael's
fears.
Lola didn't pay attention to the classes. She was happy about a pending
field trip, no matter what. She read the Buzz journal which she had
hidden under her table. Now she turned around to Addie and asked: "Do you
think that a goose would be a cool pet?"
Addie Singer shrugged helplessly. "No idea, I prefer my dog Nancy, in any
case."
"You are afraid of rollercoasters? So what? I'm afraid of raccoons ...[97]
" Chase remarked unto Michael.
Michael screamed. "That's nothing!"
Chase shrugged helplessly. Michael was a hopeless case.
"Let's make a toon of it!" Chase commanded.
Michael screamed. "Noooooooo!" He grabbed his flute and his clackers and
ran away.
"Michael!" Chase yelled after his friend, but it was too late. "Oh my
god! First his depression because of Logan's departure, and now the
rollercoaster ... ok, he needs to talk to Mr. Beringer about it, so he
gets a pass for that day ... and won't fail in science, and they won't
let him graduate. And then his grammie will be very sad ...!" Chase
looked around. "To whom am I talking anyways?" Chase took his cellular
phone and called Michael's grandmother. "Chase Matthews, Michael's room
comrade, if you remember ... so far, Michael is fine, but there will be a
field trip to a roller coaster ... yeah, I know that he's afraid of it
... oh, thanks for the information!" Chase sighed. Michael had apparently
been involved in an accident with a mini rollercoaster when he was very
small. And his ex-girlfriend Karen Franklin [98] had taunted him
mercilessly with that. But how was this going to help Michael now?
Michael clackered all the way across the campus. He stumbled into Nicole.
"Hi Michael!" Nicole squealed like the furious bimbo girl that she was.
"Isn't it great that we're going on a field trip to mystic mountain?"
"Yeah, it is!" Michael lied, plastering a fake smile. He assumed, from
experience, that nothing could keep Nicole from spreading the news about
Michael's phobia, once she was aware of it, whether she wanted to spread
it or not didn't matter. Bubbly bimbo wenches like Nicole just are like
that.
Nicole was soon thereafter joined by Reginald and Paige. "OK, let's go to
the smoothie booth and sip a few cups." she suggested. "Michael, will you
180

come with us? Please!"
"Er ... I ..." Michael stammered, but he didn't find the words to defend
himself against the bimbo. "Sure!" He shrugged helplessly and followed
Nicole and the middle school kids, feeling all creepy.
Reginald and Paige said down at a table near Ben Singer's smoothie booth.
"The usual?" Nicole asked the middle school kids.
Paige and Reginald nodded solemnly.
Michael clackered nervously. "A small cranberry smoothie and a donut with
whipped cream!"
Nicole nodded and stepped up to Ben. "Do you know that my dad owns a
juice factory in Kansas?" she squeaked. "I love apple mango, do you love
them, too? A big cup of it with three straws! And three vanilla muffins,
please! Please! Please!" She begged him with puppy eyes.
"OK ..." Ben shrugged and tried to fulfill her wishes.
Then Nicole proferred Michael's order.
"Your name is Nicole Bristow, right?" Ben asked.
"Yeah!" Nicole beamed. She had never seen Ben before. "How do you know?"
Ben showed Nicole the cups with which the smoothies came.
"There's my face on it?" Nicole jumped up and down all excited.
Ben grinned. "Your dad is my upstream frenchise provider." He chuckled.
"Hence there 's your picture on the cups!"
Nicole smiled sweetly.
"Thus you get family discount, 2 bucks off the total ..." Ben smiled.
When Nicole returned to her table, Stacey was the next.
"A large cup of sassafras tea!" Stacey ordered. "And some pastry crumbs
for goosie!" Stacey showed Ben her pet goose.
"OK!" Ben grinned.
Stacey walked away with her crumbs and tea.
"Isn't Ben cute?" Nicole asked. "Tell me that he's cute!"
181

link to page 184 The three others shrugged helplessly.
"Oh, Michael, as we're going on a rollercoaster ..." Nicole beamed. "Do
you already know that Reginald is afraid of roller coasters? Tell Michael
how much afraid you are!" Nicole commanded Reginald, but the kid was too
shy to answer. "Lisa Perkins is afraid of spiders, do you know that?
Today, her friend Millie had to stomp a spider on Lisa's behalf. I know
that you wouldn't do that as you can't stomp on bugs, either! [99] "
"Yeah, isn't that remarkable?" Michael trembled inside. Now he was sure
that Nicole wasn't going to be able to help spreading the message about
his fear of roller coasters, if only she came to know about it. And
Reginald was only thirteen, not close to seventeen as Michael. "How does
he learn about all that energy stuff? Kinetic, potential?" Michael asked
nercously, clackering the hell out of it.
Bimbo wench Nicole was nowhere near aware of Michael's tension due to her
low attention span.
Reginald was totally sunk in his thoughts about Nirvana or whatever he
called it.
Alas, Paige Howard might have noticed what was going on. "Clackers!" She
stared at Michael's toy.
Michael shrieked. "Clackers?"
Paige nodded solemnly. "See, clackers rest exclusively on geometry and
physics!"
Reginald smiled in anticipation of a lesson about geometry and physics
given by his favourite scientist.
Paige asked Michael for his clacker balls. "I will render them back unto
you. I just need them for a moment in order to explain geometry and
physics unto Reginald." She stressed the term Reginald in a way that made
Michael suspicious. "Clackers are essentially described by a combination
of the pendulum laws and the laws of collision." She explained. "And in
order to do so, you need tounderstand potential and kinetic energy, and ,
on top of all, the momentum conservation."
Michael listened carefully. Was he really going to learn about geometry
and physics this way? Was it that simple?
Unfortunately, the smoothie break did not last long enough for Paige to
teach Michael everything. She wrote a note on a piece of paper and handed
it to Michael.
Sighing deeply, Michael stood up. "Evening classes ..." he moaned. "And
basketball training ..."
182

link to page 184 Nicole smiled. "Yeah! I love evening classes, don't you love them too?
... oops!"
Michael had read his sheet. Paige had told him to meet her at the
fountain around 8 p.m. And there she was.
Paige shook Michael's hand. "Cool! You've got your clackers with you!"
Michael smiled. "How did you know that ..."
Paige grinned. "Harper has told me that you're afraid of the whole roller
coaster thing, and so ..."
Harper! That little obnoxious rat! Michael was so upset. He should have
known that his little brother who had already stolen his crush Lisa
Perkins from him was exactly going to do that: tell everyone about
Michael's fear of roller coasters. And especially to Paige Howard who was
in his class. Now he was going to be the laughing stock of the middle
school kids. "Harper told this in front of your whole class?" Michael
stomped his feet and was close to throwing up. "I should tie his feet and
hang him upside down and do terrible things to him ... ,"
Paige shook her head. "Calm down, Michael!" She sighed. "He only told me
about your phobia. And that he did in order to make mehelp you, because
he knew that I'm an expert for geometry and physics, and I don't start
spreading rumours like wild fire."
Michael sighed with relief. In addition, he knew that he owed Harper an
apology for having accused him of having done horrible things.
Paige took Michael's clackers and performed some experiments, explaining
the laws of the pendulum and of collision all along the way.
Michael sighed. He wasn't exactly a fast learner in science, but he
understood at least enough of it worth of a C, so he wouldn't fail in
science and disappoint his grammie.
"Dustin is afraid of little animals?" Carly asked Zoey.
"He had been pinched by a goldfish, and ever since ... [100] "
"That's OK ..." Carly shrugged. "I would be equally afraid if that had
happened to me. Do you want to know about Spencer's fears? But it remains
among us, as future sisters-in-law, right?"
Zoey chuckled. "OK!"
183

link to page 184 link to page 184 link to page 180 link to page 180 link to page 182 link to page 183 link to page 184 link to page 184 "Michael!" Olivary Biallo boomed to his boyfriend, allecstatically.
"We're going together to the rollercoaster?"
"Erm ..." Michael shivered.
"As a little kid, I've been afraid of roller coasters ..." Olivary
admitted. "But then I've seen that it brings me closer to the moon. And
the moon phases are just like a big roller coaster in the sky!"
Michael smiled. "OK! I should have known that! The moon will save me!"
Michael boarded the chariot, right by Olivary's side. They started
singing a praise to the moon. [101]
Dammi la luna, più matta che c'è!
Per una notte sparisci con me!
Domani è già ritorno.
Domani è un'altro posto
[102]
All of a sudden, Michael Barret was downright addicted to roller
coasters, especially by Olivary's side.
Lola sighed. "I've thought that a goose might be a cool pet ..." she told
Lisa Perkins. "But now I've seen Stacey with a pet goose, and Stacey is
the epitome of uncool, so there it goes ..."
Addie just shrugged. "Look at this promise ring that Chase gave me during
the ride on the roller coaster!"
Lola's eyes bugged out. Once upon a time, she had wanted Chase for
herself, but now she was happy for Addie all the way.
[97] School Dance
[98] see Class President
[99] see Back at PCA
[100] Quinn's First Date
[101] Dammi La Luna by Eros Ramazzotti which I don't own.
[102] Give me the moon, as cranky as it can be! Disappear with me for a
night! Tomorrow is already back. Tomorrow it's another place.
184

Promorama I
"Guess what?" Dustin screamed. "I'm goin to Maui over the summer break!"
Freddie and Sam glared oddly.
"That's an island of the Hawaii archipel. More preceisely, dad knows the
manager of Hotel Chambrolay over there!" Dustin explained. "I'm going to
work as a candy vendor in the hotel, and Zoey as a life guard at the
beach!"
Freddie's and Sam's eyes bugged out. They were going to spend yet another
boring summer in Seattle, the city where summers weren't really summers
and winters weren't really winters. They so wanted to spend their
honeymoon on Hawaii once they were married, and there were still four
years to go.
"I may take someone with me ... do you think that Carly ..." Dustin asked
timidly.
"Are you joking?" Sam asked. "She'd die for vacations on Hawaii ... hula
skirts, uculele music, the stars and the sandy beach ..." Sam swooned
ecstatically.
Freddie moaned in a daze.
Some pupils did not yet know whom to take to the prom.
Dana was upset because she still had no confirmation from Logan.
"He needs to find a way to sneak away from his school for the prom
night!" Michael told Dana, hoping vaguely to be able to comfort her.
"As he said ..." Chase confirmed while wrapping an arm around Addie's
waist, making her swoon and purr.
Michael was still torn. "May I really come with Olivary?"
Chase shrugged helplessly. "Why not?"
"The bouncer may object ..." Dana remarked.
"Too true ..." Addie sighed. "Maris Bingham and Cranberry Sinclair, two
girls who went to Rocky Road Middle School with me, have solved this by
hiring two boys to play their respective dates."
"Oh yeah!" Michael beamed. "That's what we will do!"
Promorama I
185

Jenifer sighed. "Hey! You could hire me and Stacey!" Moze suggested. "For
free, even!"
"Stacey Dillsen?" Michael shrieked with consternation. His stomach
cramped. "But OK ... It seems that it has to be ..."
Josh screamed. "Mindy is really coming!" He smiled. "She may sneak away
from her college over the weekend!"
Drake grumbled. "Did you have to invite the creature?"
Josh nodded. "Yes, because I love her and I'm going to marry Mindy this
fall!" He cheered ecstatically.
Drake doubled over and puked on Josh's shoes. The worst-case scenario was
coming true. Well, at least Lola was there for him ...
Josh grinned. "How may you dance at the prom while leading the prom
band?" He scratched his chin.
Drake chuckled. "I am going to take turns with Jake Crendle!"
Josh shrugged. "OK, if you say so ..."
Drake was annoyed because Mindy and Josh were about marrying that fall,
while he had to wait for Lola to turn eighteen.
The door opened, and Megan stumbled in, followed by Nevel. "Hi boobs!"
"Aw Megan!" Drake complained.
Megan grinned. "Over the prom weekend, I'm going to San Diego with
Nevel."
Drake and Josh shuddered with disgust.
"We've got to practise for Joshieboob's wedding." Megan picked her oboe
and played the Bridal Chorus from Richard Wagner's opera Lohengrin.
This hurt Drake Parker even more.
Megan grinned. "OK, Nevel,let's go! Juana Evangelista is waiting ..."
"Hey Megs!" Juanita stormed in. "I've thought we practise right here, so
the boobs are going to listen!"
Nevel chuckled.
"Good idea!" Megan started playing again.
186

Nevel feigned hitting the keys of a piano.
Juana Evangelista sang like a diva.
Josh smiled and applauded.
Drake's ears heard. So he was going to have three nightmares of siblings
in law: a creature of a science girl, a high-toned opera lass, and an
obnoxious dork! What had he done to deserve that?
Michael knocked at Stacey's door and entered upon her permit.
"Michael!" Stacey grinned. "Prepare for the most exciting time of your
life!"
"And my nightmare has just begun ..." Michael whimpered silently.
Stacey pointed at her gown. "See? It's made all of cotton swabs and white
glue!"
Michael was so close to throwing up. And the worst thing: He only had got
an old stick car at his disposal, whereas he had made his driver's
license on an auto car. Where was this going to end up?
Spencer entered the dorm of Dustin and Freddie. "OK, Dustin, we have to
go to LA International Airport and fetch the girls!"
Dustin was all excited to see his girlfriend and his sister again.
"OK!" Freddie and Sam promised to keep the stance here, back at the PCA.
Amber Tate rushed towards Dana's dorm. "Dana!" She was all excited.
Dana looked at Logan's little step-sister. "What's up?"
"Logan is coming!" She beamed. "He has bribed the security guards of his
school and bought a new sports car right in time!"
Dana Cruz bounced around cheerfully. "I so knew that he was going to do
it!"
Amber grabbed Dana by the wrists and dragged her out onto the campus
court.
187

Logan's car rolled over campus. He had bought the most expensive tuxedo
suit available. "Dana!" He cried.
Many girl wanted to jump on Logan's passenger's seat and kiss Logan, but
he only wanted Dana.
Bullying her way through the mass of skreeching girls, punching and
kicking left and right, Dana Cruz finally made it to the place where she
belonged to: Right by Logan's side! "Why didn't yout tell me earlier?"
"I wasn't sure whether the bribery was going to work ..." Logan replied.
"I might have disappointed you. And now it's a wonderful surprise for
you, sweetie!"
"Aw Logan!" Dana kissed the hell out of Logan Reese.
"My feet aren't yet bruised?" Logan wondered.
"After the dance ..." Dana replied briefly. "Promised!"
"OK!" Logan smirked.
Spencer's craft halted at the Airport parking lot. There was still some
time left, and they had heard about small delays for intercontinental
flights to be expected.
Dustin jumped out of the car. He had bought a few small gifts for Carly,
well, actually Sam had been the one to choose them, but that didn't
matter all that much.
They walked into the attention hall. But what did they see? Chase
Bartholomew Matthews and Addie Singer waiting, arm in arm. They were
carrying their guitars.
"Chase!" Dustin skreeched.
Addie grinned. "Yeah, what does it look like?"
Dustin and Spencer glared around.
"Well!" Chase sighed. "We have come here in order to sing something for
Zoey and Carly."
"With guitar backup!" Addie stammered. "That's why ..."
"OK ..." Spencer smiled.
Finally, the loud speakers announced that the flight from London Heathrow
had just touched down, and the visitors were requested to wait in the
appropriate zone.
188

link to page 191 Chase and Addie strummed their instruments and performed a song. [103]
Holding on,holding on, holding on Dustin Brooks!
Holding on,holding on, holding on Dustin Brooks!
In this moment, Carly and Zoey showed up.
Chase and Addie continued their wonderful performance.
Out on the water I can hear them call,
I feel the power inside me.
This is the moment I've been waiting for.
It is here, now I'm breaking away.
It is fortune that favours the brave.
And his waiting heart.
Carly stormed ahead and huggled the hell out of Dustin.
Zoey followed tightly behind them. She hugged Chase and Addie, and then
she shook Spencer's hand. "Hi!"
"Nice to see you again ..." Spencer stammered timidly. He had never used
to be like that.
This waiting Heart
This waiting heart!
Tonight, tonight Dustin goes
He goes down to the river where Carly will be.
This time, this time he knows.
She will stay right beside him for everything comes
To the waiting heart
This waiting heart ...
Zoey noticed the rings on Chase's and Addie's fingers. "Wow! You haven't
wasted any time!"
Chase and Addie blushed with embarassment. "You're invited to our
wedding!" They whispered unison.
Spencer and Zoey observed Carly and Dustin cuddling tenderly.
"Aw, how sweet!" Zoey smiled. "I could watch for hours."
"Erm ..." Spencer coughed. "Maybe they don't really want to be watched?"
Zoey sighed. "You're right. Maybe I've just been too overprotective, all
the time?" She shrugged. "We have to hurry in order to get into our
tuxedo and gown!"
189

link to page 191 Dustin remarked that he and Freddie were going to help Spencer into his
tuxedo suit, while Sam and Carly should do the same for Zoey.
"We are already rigged and ready!" Chase demonstrated that he and Addie
were already wearing suit and dress underneath their jackets.
Back on the campus, Nicole had already been waiting for Zoey. "Hey! What
do you think about my gown and Nicolas Webber's suit? Aren't they cute?
Tell us how cute they are!"
Zoey waved at Nicole. "No time! See you later!"
Lola grabbed Drake. "OK, we're going to eat some pasta at Pete's and
Sam's"
"Great!" Drake smiled. "I'm so hungry ... but won't we be late? You have
to speak the preamble, don't you?"
Lola smiled. "I want to be fashionably late, so someone else will do it
for me!"
"As you wish, sweetheart!" Drake smiled. Jake Crendle was going to lead
the band for the first hour, anyways.
"They are here!" Ashley Blake whispered into Vincent's ear.
"Who?" Vince wondered.
"Chase and Zoey ... payback time!" Ashley grinned.
"But who is my prom partner?" Vince wondered.
Ashley opened a closet door. "This is Shelby Marx[104] , a cousin of Lola
Martinez."
Vincent shook Shelby's hand.
"She's not just going to cover you, but will also back you up when it
comes to a melée fight!"
Shelby exposed her black belt.
"Wow! She's as hot as Lola, and her muscles are like steel!" Vincent
swooned.
Ashley nodded. "I knew that you were so going to like her, but now don't
waste the time!"
190

link to page 189 link to page 190 Michael and Stacey had crashed from one tree into the other, and they
were now all scratched and bruised and limping out on the campus,
supporting each other for the final yards to the prom hall. They were not
sure whether the bouncers were going to let them pass. Fortunately, their
tux and gown were still OK, and they just slipped in right behind
Firewire and Lisa Zemo, and followed narrowly by Simon Nelson Cook and
Evelyn Kwong.
Mary Ferry and Duane Ogilvy were dressed as fabulous beings.
"This is not Halloween!" the bouncer thundered at them and sent them
away.
The party was about to start ...
[103] essentially Waiting Heart by Chris De Burgh which I don't own.
[104] iCarly : iFight Shelby Marx
Promorama II
Lola and Drake were still out for dinner at Pete's and Sam's.
Shelby abused her similarity with Lola and grabbed the microphone. "OK
... let the fun begin!"
The pupils cheered, not noticing that it was not Lola.
Alas, Josh and Mindy were suspicious. Unfortunately Mindy wanted toavoid
thinking about Drake.
Jake Crendle started playing some old love songs.
Stacey used her cotton swab sticks in order to remove the blood from
Michael's cuts and bruises.
Finally it was time for the two fake couples to fess up.
Michael Barret rendered Stacey Dillsen unto Jenifer Mozely, and he
received Olivary Biallo in return.
Olivary wondered why Michael was so bruised. "Aw Michael, you need to
learn driving? Ask Mr. Takato!"
"Mr. Takato?" Michael wondered.
Promorama II
191

"Mr.Takato is the spirit of the moon!" Olivary explained.
"Oh yeah, great, the spirit of the moon!" Michael plastered a fake smile.
He was totally confused. But Olivary had so far always had the best ideas
...who knows.
Zoey and Spencer were dancing side by side, each for himself. "Cool
party!" They remarked unison.
Spencer looked funny in all those outfits designed by Zoey, and he liked
that style.
"I haven't seen Lola yet ... let me greet her!" Zoey told Spencer who
nodded solemnly. She walked over to Shelby, thinking her to be Lola.
Shelby kicked Zoey swiftly in the guts, without anyone noticing.
Zoey had no idea where the kick came from, and she would never have
supposed it to be from Lola. She gurgled and slumped to the ground.
"Oops!" Shelby remarked, hiding a sadistic grin.
Zoey's friends walked over and tried to help her.
While Chase was still consternated when he saw Zoey on the floor, he felt
a pain in his neck.
"Swallow this, betrayer!" Vincent Blake yelled at Chase Matthews. "And
that!" He knocked Chase out.
Other pupils jumped immediately to Chase's rescue, Michael Barret and
Jenifer Mosely on top of all. Alas, they were powerless against a
football jock and a martial artist.
Although they had never met before, Shelby Marx and Vincent Blake
cooperated perfectly.
In this moment, a flatscreen monitor on top of the prom hallactivated
itself.
The face of Quinn Pensky appeared, Eric and Craig standing behind her.
"Hey guys! Don't start the party without me!"
Mindy explained Josh that they had established a two-way TV channel.
Pupils tried to gang up against Shelby and Vince, but it was for not much
avail.
Drake and Lola came back from dinner and were dismayed and flabbergasted.
Promorama II
192

Quinn noticed what was going on. She took her cellular phone and spread
red alert.
The mayhem and onslaught initiated by Vince Blake continued mercilessly
for several minutes.
All of a sudden, the backdoor opened.
A group of middle school kids, guided by custodian Gordy, stormed the
prom room.
"Anti-weasle canon!" Gordy ordered.
Nevel and Gibby brought a steel onager into position, loaded with an
anti-weasle net. They aimed at Vince Blake.
Sam and Freddie aimed another onager at Shelby Marx.
"Fire!" Megan Parker and Dustin Brooks yelled unison.
A few seconds later, Shelby Marx and Vincent Blake found themselves in
suspense from the sealing, caught in an anti-weasle net.
Gordy yelled triumphantly. "Olé!" He jumped onto a chandelier and swang
down from the verranda. "Aw! What a mess! Fortunately I don't have to
clean it up!"
"Spencer had just recovered after looking for still aching Zoey Brooks."
Carly and Juana Evangelista dragged a large first-aid suitcase along.
"Freddie's mom gave me this one!" Carly explained.
Quinn and her boyfriends had been watching the salvation action from
their end of the two-way TV channel. They had cheered for the brave
intervention troop, and, most apparently, they had been the ones to
inform them in the first place.
Drake wondered. "Aw Megan! Didn't you say you were staying in San Diego
for the weekend?"
Megan chuckled mercilessly. "Aw boobs! Do you think I may leave you on
your own? I know too well that this can't go well, and that you need me
in order to fish you out of the troubles!"
Drake dragged himself to the microphone. "OK, the party must go on!"
Gordy shrugged. "OK, the nightshift is going to clean this up!"
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link to page 197 Gordy's announce inspired Drake. He took his guitar and started
performing a song [105].
Lisa Perkins and Harper Barret joined in.
Gonna be some sweet sounds
Coming down the nightshift.
I bet you're singing proud.
Oh, I bet you'll pull a crowd.
Gonna be a long night
It's gonna be alright
On the nightshift.
You found another home.
I know you're not alone
On the nightshift.
The pupils danced around crazily.
Quinn, Craig, and Eric celebrated along.
By that time, most of the participants were hungry. They called for Kazu.
Zoey smiled. "It was more of a shock than an injury!" She claimed.
"OK!" Spencer wiped the sweat off his head while Crly and Dustin were
looking for cuts and bruises on Zoey. "That Shelby girl kicks like a
fury!"
Kazu arrived, hand in hand with Sonya, the new cook of the cafeteria.
"OK, and you're all invited to our wedding party, next October!" He
thundered across the hall before he was smooched shut by Sonya. They
deposited the ordered sushi and walked away.
Ashley arrived. "Wait! Don't punish Vince and Shelby! It's all my fault!"
Megan looked oddly at Ashley.
Ashley admitted that it would never have come that far if she hadn't used
to treat Vince like dirt as soon as she had become a Hollywood star. And
she had planned his revenge as a way to repair her misbehaviour.
Amber Tate admitted that she would have done the same for Logan.
Dana and Logan sighed. They had been slapped to the ground by Vince.
Megan suggested that they were all going to forget about the incident
after the prom night, but that there had to be some sort of punishment.
But the injured victims of Vincent's and Shelby's attack should speak up
194

first.
Zoey Brooks, who had been the first victim of the onslaught, supported
Megan's decision. There had been enough horror, and every act of
vengeance was just going to make things worse.
Lola was dismayed. "But Zoey!" Alas, after a while, she started agreeing
with Zoey's suggestion. "OK, but Ashley needs some harsh punishment! Five
months of laundry patrol!"
Zoey nodded. "Sounds OK! But Vince and Shelby ..."
The culprits were still in suspense. They were hungry and smellled the
scent of fresh sushi, but they were denied any bit of it. They cringed
and swooned in vain. That was their just punishment.
The middle school kids had left the prom hall.
"You really want to go to law school?" Spencer asked Zoey.
"Maybe?" Zoey shrugged helplessly. "Unless I concentrate on my fashion."
Spencer nodded. "I've been to a bootcamp of Seattle Law School. Yet, I've
decided to go for arts. That's up to you!"
Zoey smiled. "Would you help me deciding?"
Spencer grinned. "Sure! Why not? Maybe the dressman doll that I've carved
for you will help you decide!"
Zoey was surprised. Carly hadn't told her about it.
Spencer nodded. "It was Nevel's idea. You will find it in the woodshop
classroom ... but not today!"
Zoey sighed and yawned heartily. "A wise decision! But that doesn't mean
that you have to cease having fun here!"
Spencer sighed. "The excitement was too much. I will hit the hay in an
hour as well. See you tomorrow!"
Zoey smiled sweetly at Spencer when she stood up and waved him and her
other friends a good night.
In that moment, James Garrett walked in. "Sorry, I've locked my tuxedo
suit into our closet, and then I've lost my key, and that's why I had to
borrow one from Ashley's costume collection. Look, this is all cheap and
fake! Sorry ... Have I missed out on anything?"
Michael and Chase chuckled insanely.
195

Drake Parker and his band played the whole night through, and many prom
freaks weren't going to budge until dawn.
Carly wasn't yet asleep in her bed, but Megan and Sam weren't either.
"Look at what Dustin gave me!" She boasted with a promise ring. But Sam
and Megan weren't the slighest bit surprised. "Aw, you've helped him to
choose the rings?" She smiled when she heard Sam and Megan whistle
innocently.
"Do you think that Zoey and Spencer ..." Sam asked viciously.
"Zoey is much too young for that!" Carly boomed. "On the other hand, in
just a few years ..." She swooned and squeaked merrily.
"Are you thinking about a double wedding?" Megan asked.
"Who knows?" Carly whistled innocently.
Zoey had been sleeping until noon, and also Moze and Addie woke up by
then. She met Lola on the way to the toilets.
"Sorry for having been late to the prom, which caused all the trouble
with Shelby ..." Lola sighed. "Usually, Shelby isn't like that ..."
Zoey hugged Lola. "OK, now I'm hugging the real Lola!"
Lola smiled innocently when she hugged Zoey back. "We've come a long way
during the last two years ... I wanted Chase, he wanted you, and now I'm
going to get Drake, and Chase gets Addie, and you will sooner or later
get Spencer ..."
Stacey complained. "Lola's evil cousin has kicked my cotton swabs into
half!"
Moze huggled Stacey. "These were only the cotton swab clacker balls that
you've made for Michael, anyways. Let's build something solid in our
workshop!"
Stacey swooned and kissed Moze.
Addie showed up after brushing her teeth. "Cool! Now I'm going to meet
Chase for breakfast."
Zoey sighed. "It's past noon, but I definitely need an American breakfast
... the English kitchen has turned my stomach inside out. I should never
have left. Oh, I just like to talk with Spencer about Carly and Dustin
and law school and arts, ... that's all!"
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link to page 197 link to page 194 link to page 197 Lola smiled. "We'll see!"
Out on the campus, the girls heard Michael and Olivary talking about the
spirit of the moon, and how to get him to show up. They saw their middle
school friends spreading rumours about the prom. And they saw Chase
yawning heartily.
Addie took care of Chase and snuggled him dizzy before strumming her
guitar.
Spencer stumbled along.
"What are they doing?" Zoey wondered.
Megan, Sam, Freddie, Gibby, Amber, Ashley, Nevel, Diego, Scooter, Juana
Evangelista and so on stated that they were celebrating the engagement of
Carly and Dustin.
"Carly?!" Spencer was flabbergasted.
"Dustin?!" Zoey's jaw dropped.
Spencer stared at each other, but then they chuckled.
Addie and Chase gave a song for Carly and Dustin.[106]
Close your eyes!
Give me your hand!
Do you hear my heart beating?
Do you understand?
Do you feel the same?
Am I only dreaming?
Or is this burning an eternal flame?
The End
[105] Nightshift by the Commodores which I don't own.
[106] Bangles: Eternal Flame which I don't own
The End
197