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| "All Good Things Must Come to an End" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ] | Reviewed By: windchaser90 On: August 17, 2005 20:10 CDT
Comment/Review:
Very good story, hope you update soon! Can't wait till it's finished.
| Title: FFARG review Ch 1
Reviewed By: SisiXIII [MediaMiner Member] On: August 17, 2005 15:16 CDT
Comment/Review:
This is chapter one, and you should explain a bit of back-story for your characters for someone who isn't too familiar with the series. You also need to capitalize words after you end a sentence in quotations. One thing I noticed is that you state Kyo's name more frequently than you need to. You only need to state a characters name when there's concern that the character will be mistaken for another character, and even then sometimes you can use "The boy," "round ass" is SO not articulate. You've got some damned good writing before this and then this comes up and it's like a smack, it doesn't fit and another word would be better. If Shigure is a former pervert, you need to fully explain the change in how he acts towards Kyo. No one is going to automatically start behaving like a lover and not a pervert without a reason. And along the lines of the "-kun" you're using. It's probably better not to use Japanese in a story not written entirely in Japanese. But that's just personal opinion. Your story looks cute and your characters are loveable. Good work and keep it up. Thank you for submitting to the FFARG. ~Sisi
| Reviewed By: Bombayoni [MediaMiner Member] On: July 30, 2005 15:40 CDT
Comment/Review:
please write more!
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