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| "Final Fantasy: The Crystal Chronicles" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Title: FFARG review chapter 1
Reviewed By: Sari-15 [MediaMiner Member] On: November 28, 2005 20:15 CST
Comment/Review:
Hi, thanks for submitting to FFARG. Sorry it took so long to get to it. It had changed URL's in the process. The dialogue seemed a little stilted...I don't know much about the characters but it didn't come across as 'natural'. That's something that will improve with practice. Don't forget to show and not tell. Getting out of bed and opening her linen trunk, Nikki changed out of her nightgown, changed her brassiere and panties, and put on a sky blue miniskirt that barely covered her buttocks, and a tight wool sweater with sky blue elbow cuffs and yellow fur encircling her bust line. Sometimes it is easier to have someone else notice what people look like, what they are wearing, etc. Nothing draws my attention away then a list of what people are wearing. Use your writing to show the readers the characters. Example. "Nikki tugged on the hem of the miniskirt, she hadn't remembered it being that short." It doesn't all need to be done at once. Drop little hints as you go. The grammar and setting were good, I could see everything clearly in my head. Thanks for submitting to FFARG
| Reviewed By: zaitcev [MediaMiner Member] On: September 10, 2005 00:00 CDT
Comment/Review:
Well written. I am not big on symmetrically joined universes, especially so disparate. Too much trouble stitching. This one seems to work so far.
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