"Love's Second Chance" Reviews/Comments [ 7 ] |
Title: Update? Reviewed By: jacketslacker [MediaMiner Member] On: October 23, 2005 02:34 CDT Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10 Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10 Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10 Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10 Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review: How come it keeps saying that you've updated the story when it's still the same? Are you just editting it or what? I keep thinking you've added new material when you haven't. I like it so far and can't wait to read more. The suspense and constant teasing is killing me.
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Title: Tease! Reviewed By: HopelesslyEscaflowne [MediaMiner Member] On: October 04, 2005 19:25 CDT Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10 Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10 Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10 Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10 Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review: Nice start to the story, Yukio and Inuyasha. Inuyasha says he's waiting for "her." I hope this "her" isn't Yukio's mother cause I can't believe that any of the women you might choose for Inuyasha to love, whether they be Kikyo or Kagome, would ever let themselves be beaten physically by another man, or that Kagome or Kikyo would ever have another man. However, as long as neither of them have had sex with this man...obviously Yukio isn't his...then again, maybe Yukio is Inuyasha's, which is why he has to hide his true looks from his "father." Wow, so many questions about this story. I hope you continue it soon so we can find out what happens next!
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Reviewed By: RedHerring [MediaMiner Member] On: October 01, 2005 00:43 CDT Comment/Review: It's a good teaser. I suggest you use a bit more description. There are a lot of ways you could have made the scene more suspenseful. You could have described the night. Was it stormy, calm, chilly? Where did Inuyasha work? What kind of neighborhood was he driving down? I noticed you were trying to keep the identity of the woman a secret (it's Kagome. Did I guess it?) but you could at least try to describe your characters better. Don't be afraid to be graphic. If they live in a bad neighborhood, it would make the story more interesting. Describe how the blood pools on the mouldy wood floor, or how the moonlight shines through a shattered window to deepen the bruises on her face. You know, it's a story. Get into it. What you have now is a what I call a "bare bones" piece. Give it some flesh and characteristics.
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Title: woooowww! Reviewed By: kagomegirl411 On: September 26, 2005 18:36 CDT Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10 Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10 Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10 Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10 Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review: wooooowwwwww!!!!!!!!!!
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Title: KuroKaida Reviewed By: NyteAngelOfDarkness7 [MediaMiner Member] On: September 25, 2005 11:20 CDT Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10 Spelling & Grammar: 4 of 10 Originality/Creativity: 6 of 10 Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10 Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review: Sister's comment: 'Mommy and Daddy like Crackland, I do too. My kitty eats crack, likes crack, loves crack and...give crack. Go crackland!' That was supposed to be added in the story...xD I know this is violent and very disturbing, but I still find humor about how Angel thinks little kids think. Don't flame me for being rude, she is my sister after all.
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Title: this is great Reviewed By: yomoki On: September 25, 2005 02:44 CDT Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10 Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10 Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10 Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10 Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review: the storys plot has grrat substance i love it keep on updating please i just love this fanfic others please review
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Reviewed By: EmeraldOrchidOfGabriel [MediaMiner Member] On: September 24, 2005 22:23 CDT Comment/Review: Hey Angel! Good start for a good story. Sry to hear about the writer's block. Not to worry though... only the good writer's get it ;). keep up the good work! Emerald :)
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