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| "The Blessing" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ] | Title: I agree with your other reviewers
Reviewed By: DeeRyoFan. On: October 29, 2005 05:16 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
I agree with the first 2 reviewers. The story in general is not bad and fun to read. But the machine-plot sounded too shallow. You know, scientist have found a way to clone both eggs and sperm out of a male's cells. They even have started to create an uterus out of a male's cells via genetic engineering. But they still think it'd be safer to have a woman carry out the two men's child (via IFV). Be that as it may - it's your story and whatever way you choose to make a man able to carry a child and give birth to it (that was a bit too much of a stretch though) is up to you. More details would really do this story some good, though, so maybe you should keep that in mind for your next story. ;) What really bothered me though, was that there was no question about who would carry the baby. Dee just decides Ryo has to do it and that's it. But there was no explanation why Ryo was the one to carry it. Dee could have done it, too, you know. Why had Ryo have to be the one? That line made Dee look like a chauvinistic macho-jerk and Ryo like his little wifey, so that was not very much in character. Dee is a big softie as we often see in the manga and he'd do everything for Ryo - and Ryo, well, he's a tough cop, a sniper, despite being able to get overly emotional at times. I would have liked to see them discuss who would carry the child and reach a decision together. Or at least you should have given a reason why Ryo had to be the one. Still, thanks for sharing your story with us! :)
| Reviewed By: firgodes7 [MediaMiner Member] On: October 27, 2005 16:48 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 5 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
Well I will say that your storyline is creative,but it just lacks being interesting. I felt that it was a brainstorm than a actual one-shot or story. If you really wanted to go against the odds of a male being pregant you will really have to pull out all the stops and present more to the readers. I just wasn't feeling it.A little pev of mine was you always called it "the machine" surely the procedure would have a name to it. I do hope to see you continue to write and to try to expand you writings.
| Title: So-so but could be great
Reviewed By: Evil Kitten [MediaMiner Member] On: October 26, 2005 21:36 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
You really have the start of a good story here. Yes start; after reading it, I can't help thinking rough draft. My feelings have nothing to do with spelling, it's the lack of detail and shortness of the story. I understand one shots are shorter, but you could defenately add more detail. Also, the concept is sci-fi, but how about less fi and more sci. First: although scientists have indeed been doing research into 'getting men pregnant', it is physicaly impossable for a man to give birth 'naturaly' (with the exception of the seahorse). The child would have to be delivered by C-section. Second: no matter how you look at it, it is impossable to turn a sperm into an egg, sorry. There is another way, in theory, that you could have two men be the genetic parents of a child though. It's more plausable than your idea and it's based on curent technology. I understand if you are happy with your story as it is. But right now, in my opinion, it's only so-so and I really see the potential of greatness here. If you want more info on the science stuff you can either email me at evilkitten122382@hotmail.com or you can research it yourself.
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