Title: FFRG Review - Chapter 1
Reviewed By: LadyLark [MediaMiner Member] On: December 05, 2005 19:15 CST
Comment/Review:
As a fan of DBZ, I am happy to see more DBZ authors submitting their works to FFRG. You have an interesting start to a story, here. There are very few techinical errors to take away from the enjoyment of the story and I applaud you on that. That also lets me focus on some of the more story telling elements. First off, I felt like I was being thrown into an alternate universe without any real explanation. It may be a good plan to elaborate on the things that make this story AU as well as a continuation. Even if they are only mentioned in passing, they help add detail and cohesion to the story. Also, I feel that a little more information about the fey would be useful. If only to help establish what they can and cannot do, since they are not a part of the DBZ canon. I would also suggest working on your transitions a little more. I was left confused in some places and it others wanting more of a lead in. I feel that you have good handle on suspense and story, but you need to work on the nitty gritty and the background a little more. With some more work you will have a great AU on your hands. Thank you for submitting to FFRG.
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