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| "Lie To Me" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ] | Title: FFRG Review
Reviewed By: MissMusicality [MediaMiner Member] On: December 07, 2005 23:25 CST
Comment/Review:
Thank you for submitting your fic to FFRG to be reviewed! You have an excellent fic here. While I'm not familiar with this series and the characters, I can still get the feeling from your story, and that's great. You descriptions and wordings are great, and the lyrics to the song are woven in perfectly. You said to be as harsh as I could, and since I couldn't find anything critically wrong with the fic, I went ahead and just listed all the tiny things. Hope that's "harsh" enough for you! So, normally I don't nitpick, but I just want to help bring out improvements that can be made. First, "stared" should be "started" No quotes at the end of 'His words were wistful as he pressed a kiss to my forehead."' For some reason, the "I" got cut out of this line: 'do." He said softly.' Next: '"Because you deserve the best. I don't want you to have to run forever." Came the quiet answer, exactly the same as it had been every day for the last four weeks.' Now, here, you should have a comma after forever, and the 'came' should be lower case. And the first word was left out of this too: 'are the best. Without you, I can't live at all!"' 'I sunk to the floor' should perhaps be 'I sank to the floor...' In 'As tradition dictates, lay down on the now partially ' You left out the "I" before 'lay.' Now, I hope I didn't screw up the italics or anything in this review...it was surprsingly hard to keep straight! Anyway, best of luck, great job!
| Reviewed By: WickedGame [MediaMiner Member] On: December 04, 2005 00:39 CST
Comment/Review:
okay, yep, i cried. fatty ol tears. good job.
| Reviewed By: wizard116 [MediaMiner Member] On: November 27, 2005 20:30 CST
Comment/Review:
This is a great story! I loved it. you did a great job with everything even with this being your first attempt you did great! good job.
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