|
| "Play it Again Shinji" Reviews/Comments [ 25 ] | | Pages (2): [ « ‹ 1 2 ] | Reviewed By: AraelFanboy [MediaMiner Member] On: March 26, 2006 23:09 PST
Comment/Review:
This was pretty good. Ha ha ha, playing jump-rope with the Sixteenth. You are an evil, evil writer. Therefore, I must bow to your skills. It's funny to see them doing some of your stuff, but to imagine Unit-00 stomping a golf course flat or jumping rope is hilarious.
| Title: HELLA FUNNY
Reviewed By: l3lue [MediaMiner Member] On: March 21, 2006 23:23 PST
Rating(s):Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
THIS IS ONE DAM FUNNY FIC keep on pouring this funny shit out man its great LOL!!!!!!!!!!! I LIKE IS SAID KEEP ON POURING THE FUNNY SHIT OUT MAN OK keep on goin wit the good work
| Title: questionable
Reviewed By: just someone On: March 20, 2006 17:30 PST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 5 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
fisrt of all, i must say that this fic isn't bad per say. it just seems to really go against and kind of negate the meaning and emotions portrayed in the seires. i fail to comprehend how two children who risk their lives on an everyday basis fighting gigantic threats to the human kind and have 24 hour days (they are on call all day long) can't be treated more like adults than little kids. plus you cannot forget the fact that these kids were emotionally scarred most of their lives and have some serious problems to work through. they may be the age of 14, but they sure as hell have mature far past that. almost to an extent were they have matured too much. i think that is the main premisis of the actual series and it would be nice to see that sort of meaning held true by the fiction based from it. it feels as if the story itself has been dumbed down to a level where it takes the hardships of a life that no-one wants to live and makes it a joke. almost making a mockery of the orignal series. however, it's an almost. this is a good story, i'm not saying it isn't. it just seems to be missing some of the essentials that make a neongenisis story a neongenisis story. i like it, it was a good read, however i couldn't get over the fact that these people would not act the way that is portrayed. asuka would not simply fall for shinji without something that completely and utterly changes her thought processes, she is selfish, she is cruel, and you know what? we love her for it. because she is HUMAN. shinji has yet to really prove himself to her, and in most cases has failed her more than anything. i feel that that sort of resentment would carry over to a retry. i thought she would be mad at him more than anything else. she fails to see the true meaning in actions sometimes. shinji's charactor development is going well, however you're missing the major trajic charactor flaw that he possesses. the hedgehog's delemma and the broken spirit he has. this makes him who he is. now if you were going for that, i guess you did a good job, i won't chastise you for an excellent portrayal of a shinji without these charactoristics. i personally love your take on rei, so i'm not saying anything on that. lastly misato, kaji, and gendo are being highly hypocritical. as we all know misato and kaji "do it" throughout the whole series anywhere they can be alone for a little bit. and gendo's banging ritsuko. they have no room to act like real parents. plus a mojor point of the story of evangelion was that fact that misato didn't understand HOW to be a good parent, se doesnt get it and when worse comes to worse she'll just get drunk and become unsupportive. they all have major charactor flaws that i feel have not been adressed in the series. on a futher note, all of their mothers have been gone for most of the pilots lives. they should have no say in what the childen do either. if anything they should be trying to make up for their loss of being in their childs lives and not actling like a bunch of overprotective women. i'm pretty sure asuka hates her mother. and shinji would shit his pants if he found out his mom was the eva. so instead of resticting their children i feel that they should be trying to gain ther trust back. i belive you were going for something more humorous and cute, and it is, i like it. it's just i can't take your fic too seriously. however if that's what you're going for then good for you. congrats on a good fic. however if you have any more questions or feel that you need to hate me for what i say or if you need help with the things i have adressed then email me at cran1213 @ yahoo . com .maybe you we can help eachother clear things up. remeber the evangelion pilots are adults stuck in a child's body, and not the other way around.
| Title: From what I've seen of the first chapter...
Reviewed By: GrumblyStuff [MediaMiner Member] On: March 19, 2006 14:58 PST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 2 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 1 of 10
Overall Rating: 1 of 10 Comment/Review:
You tell the reader what happened. You don't show it and that which you do tell has already been told before. This is just passible rewrite of the series. And you have Shinji talk to his mom inside Unit 01? Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesy~~~
| Reviewed By: Stupidnick On: March 17, 2006 11:47 PST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
ha ha ha ha ha!, now thats uncomfortable geting a sex education talk from not only your own mother but from the mother of your boy/girl friend with your boy/girl friend siting next to you. It was also really funny when Kyoto used Shinji's own nobility againts him. Poor guy he'll have to wait to see her frecjkles. I eagerly await the next chapter of your wonderful fanfiction. You know when there's a little character count going down as you type its alot easier to write longer reviews.
| Reviewed By: Marine Brother Shran 2 On: March 15, 2006 21:27 PST
Comment/Review:
OH GOOD LORD! WHERE THE HELL TO BEGIN!! Holy shit this is one of the best pieces of comedy I've read yet. Since it's soo much to review, I'll just review the one thing that stuck out the most. A EUNUCH! LOL! O GOD I LAUGHED FOR A GOOD 5 MINUTES! FUCKING HELL THATW AS ONE OF THE BEST JOKES I'VE READ YET. I swear, I was not expecting that at all lol. Good lord, keep up the good work man, and keep pouring out all that funny shit. I swear, I need a good laugh these days. Well anyways, that's all from me. Cheers ^^ Ja ne
| Title: "What you do"
Reviewed By: Chaos Damn It [MediaMiner Member] On: March 14, 2006 19:11 PST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 1 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
You started out kind of drab in your first chapter, more like you were a person telling a story to the readers that you had been told by somebody else. This was punctuated by the fact that I got a very pronounced feeling of jumpiness from reading it, like you were presenting fact after fact, and not really getting in to what it all meant. By your second chapter things had managed to improve, and I even let out a chuckle or two at some points, yet the jumpiness still persisted, though not in as much of an obtrusive manner as it had previously. But the largest complaint from that chapter that I had was the degree of simplicity that you placed upon the goal of Shinji winning over Asuka. Now, I can understand that the major overtones of this fic are comedy related, but it has always bothered me how a lot of authors out there can take what is quite possibly the most infeasible concept of Evangelion, the fabled Shinji X Asuka romance, and have it come to fruition with hardly any emotional registration between the characters beyond "Oh, that's cool. Let's fall in love for ever and ever and have a million babies". I'm not saying this without previous experience, because I have written an Eva fic or two in my time, and I will admit that I have done the exact same thing before, and have come to dislike it greatly after having it leave a bad taste in my mouth, like the entire meaning of the characters was left unfulfilled by the direct action of placing the two of them together without taking the time to actually let them develop those feelings. My suggestion to you if you want to try and make things a little bit more believable is to stop thinking of the characters as characters and stop thinking of yourself as the hand guiding them through it all. Start trying to place them on a more human level and seriously ask yourself what an actual outcome would be if these were real people. And even beyond that, take the character out of it completely, and put yourself in the exact same position. Take for example the scene in which Asuka and Shinji were synchronizing together during the battle aboard the over the rainbow; replace her with yourself, and replace Shinji with someone whom you more than have ill will towards, regardless of weather this person is real or not; the point is not who it is that you have these feelings of ill will towards, but is the fact that these feelings exist and that you do have them towards this person. Now that this has been established, erect the rest of the situation, where as you have just been given a complete manifesto of what is to come, what you are going to do, and what this person feels towards you, though you have in the reality that you are aware of, only known this person for perhaps three hours. I will leave it to you to draw your own conclusions from this little exercise, though I am most certain that if a true character-type Asuka were to be placed in that sort of position, the results would be less than savory for the young Ikari. Moving on to the third chapter, I will say that you managed to improve once again, allowing for the comedic value of the story to step forward much more than before. There were very few times when things seemed jumpy, leaving events to flow more smoothly and the entirety of the chapter to seem more solid. There were a few more grammatical errors, such as my favorite line as spoken by Ritsuko: "What you do". That makes me laugh every time. Beyond that, your portrayals of the characters were much more vivid, especially the interaction between Shinji and Asuka; it seemed almost natural for them to be acting like they were, like they should be after things had settled. I must say that you my good sir have a wonderful and distinct talent for writing drunken characters. The dialogue and happenings during the party were quite funny. With your steady chapter by chapter improvement that you've been showing, I'm sure that you'll soon be writing quite masterful pieces. - ChaosDamnIt
| Title: OMG LOL!
Reviewed By: Marine Brother Shran [MediaMiner Member] On: March 12, 2006 18:00 PST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!! THAT WAS THE BEST! I SWEAR, ONE OF THE FUNNIEST FICS I'VE READ!! I don't even know where to begin, so I'll just generalise it. That was halarious! One of the best comedy stories I've read. Despite the fact that Rei is his sister, the comedy well makes up for it. I am a ShinjiXRei pairing extremist, but unlike most extremeist, I can be lax with some of my policies. And I wonder what kind of punishment the three underwent. Any chance we can get a peak? I am curious of what shit Yui, Kyoko, and Lilith had to dish out. And o boy...Gendo is in the pit eh? LOL. Well anyways, that's all from me, until the next chapter is posted. Whenever that is. Also, you should post it on FF.net. I bet that you could get a lot of people's attentions there, plus a lot of amused comments. .Cheers ^^ Ja ne
| Reviewed By: NacNud On: February 18, 2006 20:10 PST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Absolutely loved all your stories so far. Keep up the great work. Can't wait to see what else you write!
| Reviewed By: dennisud [MediaMiner Member] On: December 27, 2005 14:42 PST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Wow what looooong three chapters! each one could have been divided up into 3000 word chapters, they're more like volumes. Anywyas a great story that would run well on www.fanfiction.net The comedy and action was well balanced and the OOCnerss of each character was explained enough at the beginning to even calm most consrvative Eva Fans! The only pairing that might get you some heat is Kensuke/Rei, but actually bringing back the "mothers" from the Evas and did it in a plausible way can then support a unique pairing as Matoko/Kyoko!!! Overall I think this was a great read and hope to read more Eva stories from you in the future! dennisud
| | Pages (2): [ « ‹ 1 2 ] |
|
|
