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| "Long Distance Relationship" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Reviewed By: J.R.Karsten [MediaMiner Member] On: January 08, 2006 23:46 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 1 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 4 of 10
Overall Rating: 3 of 10 Comment/Review:
Let me be honest with you, you should have stuck with the 'Sakura walking in on the fun stuff' idea all the way. It turned out to be one of those un-descriptive and dry lesbian things that I just get bored with. The story was ok, but that's all the CCS stuff we know for years... You have too short of a story, if you made it longer, I'd like it more. This is just not enough, nothing special but the basic CCS Yuri hints... otherwise, I'd like it. Improve it, lengthen it, and maybe I'd like it.
| Title: Perverted Fun
Reviewed By: Lord Archive [MediaMiner Member] On: January 03, 2006 10:15 CST
Comment/Review:
This was a very fun read, even if it took quite a few liberties with canon. Persona, I know English is your second language, but this really needs to have been proof read. In the beginning author's notes alone there are incorrect word choices like 'natal Hong Kong' instead of 'native Hong Kong,' along with incorrect punctuation in the story itself. If Sakura and friends are in college, why are they in a gym class? Unless Tomoyo was going for a degree that deals either with teaching or athletics, it is highly unlikely she would take that class. Chiharu and Yamazaki were considered to have been a couple since kindergarten. And you seem to be confused as to when the original series happened, as Sakura's adventures happened during elementary school and Tomoyo's crush on her existed before she was ten-years-old in fourth grade. If Eriol is dating Tomoyo, what happened to Kaho, his girlfriend during the original series? The lemon scenes could use more description. While the first one is fine being in done by voyeur's account, the second could use more emotion. Still a nice perverted story.
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