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| "The Knife" Reviews/Comments [ 4 ] | Title: Luv it
Reviewed By: Indreamland4ever [MediaMiner Member] On: April 13, 2006 23:54 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
luv it. that is a awsome story. are you going to coutuine writing or is the whole story finsh?cuz my friend thought complete meant the ch is complete. luv the story. (^-^)
| Title: FFRG Review: Chapter 1
Reviewed By: LadyLark [MediaMiner Member] On: March 29, 2006 18:42 CST
Comment/Review:
First I have to compliment you on using beta readers, it means that I don't have to focus on the technical and can get down to the meat of the review. The first thing I would like to compliment you on is your action writing. You did a good job of setting the scene and keeping the pace moving. You also didn't lose people during the fight, which sometimes happens. However I was surprised that Itachi didn't activate his Sharingan sooner. It seems like something he would do. I also felt that the scene along with the later ones could use some fleshing out and better resolutions. Secondly, I feel that you have a good grasp of characterization through dialogue. That being said, I do have to questions (which may be answered later.) The first -- where is Kisame? Second -- Why did Itachi spare her, not kill her? That seemed a little out of character. I know it is necessary for the plot/story. However it is the first thing that popped into my head after reading this. Moving on, I think that the scene in the encampment needs something. It felt a little jumpy there. I love the dialogue and I love the internal dialogue that you have for the characters. You may want to consider your POV though, you switch back & forth between Itachi & Kunimitsu and that sometimes can be confusing to readers. All in all, this is a very interesting story and you are making the crossover work. However Wolf did bring up a good point, you do need to describe the characters for those who are not familiar with the fandom. I know Naruto, but know next to nothing about Tekken. Good luck! I look forward to seeing more of your work submitted to FFRG.
| Title: please write more
Reviewed By: kunai [MediaMiner Member] On: February 14, 2006 02:05 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
i enjoyed the plot and the story base
| Title: FFRG Review Chapter One
Reviewed By: Wolf in the Night [MediaMiner Member] On: January 17, 2006 18:50 CST
Comment/Review:
Let me start off by saying that this story had great dialouge. I could really hear Kunimitsu and Itachi say those things. When you said you felt that the story was choppy, you were absolutely correct. I, as a reader, really couldn't grasp how things moved from one scene to another. I mean, I could go back and reread something like a paragraph and go "Yeah...oh-kay then," and when it's not supposed to be complicated then that's a bad thing. I felt you were missing details. The story didn't have a flow, if you will. I was just constently getting drawn out of it. It got too fast for the beginning of a story. Considering the length of the chapter, I really couldn't imagine that all of that just happened in so little a time. I didn't really "see" Kunimitsu or Itachi. I feel you didn't describe them very well. This isn't a story newcomers to either fandom should read, I think. I don't know if you meant for it to be that way, but that's how it felt to me. But, like I said, great dialouge. Very believeable for how you made those characters. Thank you for submitting to FFRG and I hope to that you continue to do so.
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