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| "The Dark Prince Emerges" Reviews/Comments [ 22 ] | | Pages (2): [ « ‹ 1 2 ] | Title: Input
Reviewed By: Flame Alchemist [MediaMiner Member] On: March 30, 2006 15:06 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I got you some helpful stuff. This is the latin you had in chapter 3 translated GOD my , out of all togther corde poenitet me omnium meorum peccatorum eaque to denounce , because sin , not land pain a You fairly statue desserts to be , but especially because stumble You. This is a ruff translation at best from the site http://www.tranexp.com:2000/InterTran it is a free translation service another is http://babelfish.altavista.com/ both are great a translate many languages have fun and great work.
| Reviewed By: Dan the man On: March 19, 2006 02:09 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 5 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
I really like this story. I have seen a few like them but hopefully you will continue and complete this. Possibly leave this story as a great work. On the other hand there is the matter at your style of writing. I do not how to say this, but your "style" is just ackward and cheesy. The words do not flow together as I read it. I do not mean the grammer or anything like that. It's the way you make the character's talk, and think, it's just bad. This is possible just because you do not have a lot of experience. A way to try to correct this is to, I think, read the lines and thoughts to yourself and think, do people actully talk like this, or something like that. Possible all you need is a beta reader. Please do not take any offence to these words, cause I mean no offence yet I offend people. Another thing is the kid who contacted Shinji. I do not believe that a child would do something like that. If he was a traine to a assasine organization, that would be more acceptable. Continue with the awsome work -Dan
| Title: Excellent
Reviewed By: Hakun [MediaMiner Member] On: March 15, 2006 22:34 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Very good idea for the story line. Rating tells the rest.
| Reviewed By: Marine Brother Shran [MediaMiner Member] On: March 15, 2006 18:43 CST
Comment/Review:
O man this is going to be good. I can't wait to see what kind of a calling card Shinji is going to leave behind. And I wonder how it'll turn out, especially if there are accidental meetings between Shinji and the three woman that love him. And there was one minor mistake you made. There are 15 members of SEELE. Well anyways, that's all from me. Cheers ^^ Ja ne
| Title: Kick Ass
Reviewed By: Flame Alchemist [MediaMiner Member] On: March 15, 2006 10:19 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Great fic i got to credit both of you, the idea's are great and the plot is amazing, but the writing is insane. I am a college student myself and I could only dream of writing this good. I will be posting my own original fanfic here soon. I hope you can check it out cause you are a very good writer and your input would be cool. Hope to read more chapters soon, got this fic in my favorites later and keep up the good work.
| Reviewed By: Marine Brother Shran [MediaMiner Member] On: March 12, 2006 01:09 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Well I'm interesting, and what's this? Shinji disappearing? And when I noticed that Shinji had captured Asuka's heart, I was about to say no, but then the fact you mentioned Rei also loved Shinji made it all better lol. Anyways, I await the romance on that part. And where the hell has Shinji gone? I have an idea of how he might show up, and what's this? Touji is that influencial now? This I've gotta see. Well anyways, that's all from me, I await the next chapter. Cheers ^^ Ja ne
| Title: good
Reviewed By: loslomo [MediaMiner Member] On: March 12, 2006 00:25 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
cool start, please write more.
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