Reviewed By: Nobodynow On: March 12, 2006 19:21 CST
Comment/Review:
Excellent! This is a very good story. Oh lovely plot, oh happy romance! Thank the lords for people in character! As you can see I'm rather starved for good plots and good stories. Yes there were a few grammer errors but nothing that can't be fixed with a good Beta reader. If you don't have one I'm available (email me at jcmhar @ aol . com without the spaces) and there's a forum here to find one. I am a native english speaker so I'd thought I'd mention my sevices. I truely can't wait for the next chapter I'm on pins and needles. I love how you've characterized Yami, Yugi, and Seto. First Yami. I think it's wonderful to have him having visions, the fact that he's been having them since he was fourteen makes it seem more realistic, like he really is a pharaoh and everyone's not all "Oh god the pharaoh's having visions!" and make THAT a big deal so everyone focuses on it. That would've taken away from the vision itself and it would've been rather out of place. It was an excellent choice. Seeing things from Yugi's point of view is aw-some! I love how he thinks when he's thinking about his grandfather. It's so much more real than "Oh my grandfather's dying" drivel that you normally see. It's great! I just can't get enough of it. I love that 'crazy paint' line. Might I use it in my own stories? I really love it. I can't wait to see more of him. And Seto is so cool! He's not all "Oh I care about you Yami tell me everything!" he's just how I like him. Sarcastic, mean, and so well characterized! I can't really gush about him since I haven't seen that much of him. But I love puppyshipping so I'll probably be able to work up a good nine paragraphs when they get together. Jou/Joey's great too! He's not harboring a secret crush is he? I don't mind that kind of stuff but it's more fun seeing them fall in love for the first time than living out their fantesies. Now that I've fully exhausted myself I'll comment more on the wonderful plot. I like that last part with the divideing barrier thingy. It's very easy to imagine and not at all corney like most other cross overs. The simply fact that it's a parallel universe and not just him playing a game to get into the past is amazing. And the bullying thing is cool you handled it very well. It's not cheesy or over done. Sorry for only pointing out little stuff but I don't know the overall plot yet, you know the antagonist and the other bad guys or problems. Oh and I like Yami's vision and how he calls out to Yugi calling him my 'light' and all that stuff. Gotta wonder why the gods thought Yami needed a light. My goodness I can't wait for the rest of the story! I've never been this in love with a story with such short chapters but you make them seem long. And grammer errors that aren't typos like mixed tense usely drive me nuts, takes away from the story. However I barely notice them is such a wonderful story it just distracts you from everything else and makes spelling and grammer seem trivial. Have I talked enough yet? I'm sure I've either freaked you out or gave you cavities with such sweet talk but you deserve every one of them. Yes I mean it. How many bathroom breaks did you have to take? I talk waaaaay too much. Thank You. DK ;)
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