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| "Unexpected Endeavors" Reviews/Comments [ 114 ] | | Pages (8): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 › » ] | Reviewed By: pandora-of-the-south [MediaMiner Member] On: August 31, 2008 10:12 EDT
Comment/Review:
Can't wait to read more of this story!!! Though I am wondering about the scroll that Kikyo wrote to Kagome, you mentioned it dropping to the floor when they took their FIRST bath but then never mentioned it again...looking forward to see what will happen during the pregnancy and how long it will last!!! What exactly is going on with Haru?? And can someone spank Rin already!!!! LOL
| Reviewed By: daydreamer99 [MediaMiner Member] On: July 23, 2008 21:17 EDT
Comment/Review:
Why would Haru be so somber about anything right now? Does he have some connection that he knows what's going on? And what about his connection with Naraku? I'm assuming he really really won't hurt Kagome...... As usual I love this story!!!! I can't wait to read more!!!
| Title: Critique
Reviewed By: Snowfall [MediaMiner Member] On: July 19, 2008 19:43 EDT
Comment/Review:
Sigh, I’m sorry about the symbol problem. I’ll have to do more research to find out what’s causing it. Although critiques are valuable, some times they are a hard pill to swallow. We all make mistakes and I’m no better. And don’t forget that you asked for it. ^_^ Beta’s are hard to come by, and excellent beta’s are rare. The good ones tend to swarm around the more proficient authors, making the fishing waters toe-deep for the rest of us. I realize that you are in grad school and have to rush. That explains much of what I’ll mention. One more thing, I would not have put several hours into re-reading and taking notes if I didn’t love this story and think of it highly enough to try to help you out. Remember, I know a lot of this is because you’re rushed. I’d rather have it like this than not at all. Okay, lets trudge through Naraku’s tentacles a bit. There are a few places where the incorrect word is inserted. For instance, I think you used the word ‘consideration’ where it should have been ‘commiseration’. Brighten up, you could have put ‘constipation’. LOL I’ve seen it happen in other stories with countenance/incontinence. Be happy you have no reason to blush and groan. There were a few of the errors of type peek/peak, bare/bear, and so on. In a few sentences, you had made additions and ended up repeating a phrase within the same sentence. Don’t worry, I know it is because you were rushed. There were smaller things, including simple typo’s, but the above stood out the most. The other thing that stood out, I have may have mentioned; the quick turn around in Sesshoumaru’s behavior and the basis of Kagome’s decisions once she was out from under the contract. The later explanation of Sesshoumaru’s true personality gives us hindsight, but would have made his affection more believable had we known before the battle with Naraku. I’m sure it was just unplanned. Kagome had the reasoning of affection, once the honor issue had been taken out of the picture, but we were suddenly tossed a sentence that said she did it to help him in his plight. I recall only one sentence. There might have been a little more, but not much. If her decision was based mostly on that, then there should have been, or needs to be some introspection, or sounding board brainstorming aloud, to bring that to the readers’ attention/forefront. If it is based mainly on affection, you’ve built a strong foundation. There is room for both, but plight angle would need some expounding. I am so done with the critique now. This is where we purify Naraku. Let me know if I’ve helped at all. Also, if you need any ideas for plot twists and the like, I’m real good at that shit, just don’t ask me to beta. LOL ^_^ Overall: You've built three-dimensional characters that I can love and hate. Yummies. You've wowed me with suspense and intrigue, knocked my socks off with action. You've pleasantly surprised me with the introduction to yosei and to a very different perspective on Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha's past. And you've added the cherry of many types of affection. Really, Haru needs a shoulder to cry on, too. If you were to use that, the person chosen could be used for shock value. Eh, here I go, off on plot twists. *rolls eyes* That's what I do best. ^_^ Snow
| Title: GENERAL REVIEW
Reviewed By: Snowfall [MediaMiner Member] On: July 19, 2008 19:33 EDT
Comment/Review:
I have no clue what is going on with these stupid symbols and don’t know how to correct it, so I‘m trying a different editing program. There are many mysteries in your story. I like that. It feels like it is building to a great climax and that you are merely in the stages of ‘foreplay‘. You know how to keep us in suspense. We have so many to suspect of working behind the scenes to undermine Kagome and Sesshoumaru. There’s the bitch mother, the Northern Lady, Haru, Aiko, any number of servants, and Rin if she is being manipulated by Naraku. She is acting a bit out of character, though it isn’t impossible for her to naturally react with jealousy. However, I would have never expected physical violence. There are secrets everywhere. Sesshoumaru is so out of the loop on Kagome’s origins. Even Haru has to know. If Sesshoumaru ever needs to be knocked down a peg or two, knowing that he could lose Kagome and his child for 500 years would do the trick. That would be a great source of angst. Then Haru has his secrets as well. We don’t know whether or not he truly intends to protect Sesshoumaru. I haven’t seen him promise the same for Kagome. And, where has he been all of this time? He hasn’t told Kagome any stories yet. Then there is the Lord of the North. Did he know that his wife conspired to undermine Sesshoumaru and InuTaishou? By undermining Izayoi and Inuyasha, that was a given result. I want to wring that bitch’s neck for what she did to Sesshoumaru. No matter what anyone says, Sesshoumaru did not deserve InuTaisho’s treatment. You really made me sad for him. It would be interesting to see Inuyasha’s POV on the whole of his experiences at the palace. Maybe he knows secrets as well. Sesshoumaru’s treatment of Izayoi and Inuyasha was a pleasant and sweet surprise. I loved his honoring Izayoi with the colors he wears. Warm fuzzies. Yes, Sesshoumaru is more than he seems. It is sad that he takes responsibility for Izayoi’s death. I hope there isn’t more of a reason than he’s already given. Back to secrets. I’ll just bet that Jakken knows more than anyone could ever imagine and I hope you make more use of him, and his possible methods of reconnaissance. He is loyal, after all. I’m sure the bitch mother has many secrets. She probably sent the archers. I’ll have to go back and read that more carefully. Finding out what Sesshoumaru holds over her head will be interesting and I’m so intrigued. I hate Naraku for trapping Haru. Haru’s howl broke my heart. Please don’t kill him or anything. You’ve made me like him so much. I worry about who the friendly face is that Naraku is sending. Was he referring to Haru? I know that the deal between Sesshoumaru and Kagome is really a moot point, but it could be used against them. They both have their honor and without the deal, there is definitely a problem. First of all, he had no right to make the deal in the first place. It’s void. Second, there are too many pitfalls for Sesshoumaru. Even a swindler like Miroku would be able to see that, if he were to read the letter, or had he overheard the conversations. Protection hasn’t been near perfect and there is no way he can give Kagome everything she desires. He most certainly won’t let her ‘sit’ him. He won’t allow her to be ‘equal’. I’m sure he would have a difficult time allowing her to visit her family. There | Title: PROMPTS
Reviewed By: Snowfall [MediaMiner Member] On: July 19, 2008 16:41 EDT
Comment/Review:
I’ve been re-reading the story because you asked for prompts. A separate review may be added later. I’m not certain exactly what you would be looking for. A couple of notes; I can only guess who set the archers on the group, and what factor caused Haru's agony when he was howling. I’m not sure that you want us to figure it out yet, but it was very confusing. And, we still don’t know what is in the parchment given to Kagome by Kikyou. You’ve done an excellent job at making Haru a complex figure and you keep us guessing as to his motives and goals. On one hand, he swears to protect Sesshoumaru, on the other, he’s dealing with Naraku, although that may not be by choice. You also make him out to be insane. Either he’s very intelligent, or he truly is insane. If he is a genius, he could easily play the insanity role in order to achieve his goals. Those are what I’m left wondering, which makes it difficult to give you a prompt if you are not willing to share your secrets just yet. However, I will try. *think, think, think* Here are options: An interaction between the Northern Lord and his woman in order to show us whether or not he was involved in his mate’s betrayal of the InuTaisho, a glimpse of whether or not the enemy was warned by a traitor when InuTaisho went to battle, yosei actively relaying information to Kagome, someone to kick Aiko’s ass, or Inu stalking her just to scare the shit out of her (she could be a dangerous ally to evil, after all), a slice of the past that involves Sesshoumaru and Haru’s relationship (that relationship is a bit fuzzy), Haru contemplating what he has learned of Kagome, a serious discussion of the three brothers concerning the dangers to Kagome which should lead to some discomfort on Haru’s part, (or lead to some brotherly bonding), Jakken’s perspective as he is most unnoticeable (I’m sure he has thoughts, secrets he holds, and knowledge beyond that which we’ve seen), a scene showing or hinting at what it is that Sesshoumaru is holding over his mother’s head, Kagome lonely for her family and Sesshoumaru trying to pry the information from her, Machiko showing up and giving Inu hell (would love to see those two go at it), a scene from Kikyou’s current activities or what Naraku is doing to Kaede’s soul. There are many things that I am unsure of when it comes to keeping your secrets. Some you may not have attempted to keep vague, and others I’m sure you have left for later. Anyway, if you can use any of those, I'll be squee happy. I’m sure to come up with more. ^_^ Snow
| Title: 100!
Reviewed By: ice vixen x On: July 19, 2008 01:01 EDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Yay. I'm the 100th review. Glad to see an update for this story. I love seeing kags prego. Like the things she goes through and maybe the change in her and sess's relationship. I also can't wait to see what the baby/babies will look and be like. love to see more so keep up the good work and write write write... ^_~
| Reviewed By: RadioActiveRedhead [MediaMiner Member] On: July 08, 2008 06:09 EDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
You know, if I were Kagome...I'd just break down and start crying at all the attention from the male persuasion I was getting. I mean...Wouldn't you? Egads! In the 8th chapter I was feeling about as trapped as Kagome probably was with Jaken, Koga, Inu, Haru all in one hut that was already cramped.. Eesh. Just thinking of that makes me all upset-ish. I love this story though! Keep it up ^_^ You're great!
| Reviewed By: SexiMikoK On: May 23, 2008 12:25 EDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
:D!!! This is good!! Thank you soo much for coming up with this story, writing it, and posting it on this site. Im soo glad that i found it!:D I hope you update soon. I cant wait for the next chapter.
| Reviewed By: inufan625 [MediaMiner Member] On: April 10, 2008 14:44 EDT
Comment/Review:
Congratulations! Your fiction has won an award from the Feudal Association for the March 2008 term! Founded in 2005 by author/artist, Dark Avenger, and currently owned by authors, InuGrrrl and Inufan625, the Feudal Association consists of writers, artists, and enthusiasts of the InuYasha fandom. But aside from that, we are also proud to say that we are an awards guild that recognizes fan-fiction and artwork. Several times a year we nominate, vote, and hand out honors to some of the best creations in the fandom. Our official website can be found here: http://feudal-pulpfiction.net/fa/ Our Yahoo Group, where the nominating and voting occurs, can be found here: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FeudalAssociation/ Links to all of the awards for 2008 can be found here: http://feudal-pulpfiction.net/fa/pickup.html First place awards will be on permanent display here: http://feudal-pulpfiction.net/fa/2008art.html Congratulations and feel free to join and/or help us spread the word about our group! Please pick up your award here: http://i286.photobucket.com/albums/ll109/FeudalAssociation/Fiction%20March0 8/romance1st.jpg ~ InuGrrrl & Inufan625 Owners of the Feudal Association
| Reviewed By: sweetness427 [MediaMiner Member] On: April 09, 2008 21:14 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
great story, i can't wait till the next chapter. i like the plot, keeps me guessing. will haru really betray sess? or can kagome turn him around? cant wait to found out!!
| Reviewed By: Mirth On: April 06, 2008 12:13 EDT
Comment/Review:
Since you're doing something that new thing for your story I've decided on three words for something I'd like to see in the story. Kidnapping, Amnesia, and Despair.
| Reviewed By: ice_vixen_x On: March 20, 2008 16:56 EDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I'm glad to see you updating again. I had almost given up hope. But i know how it feels to have trouble finishing a story. you lose the original excitement you had in the begining. I started to feel that way again with my latest fic so i just sat down in a nice rlaxing environment with a misc. asortment of music and thought up different scenes for the different types of music. they could be a chapter away or 8 ch. away. but if you think of a really good or fun idea that you just fall in love with, you have a drive to reach it and that helps you keep working. I ended up getting about 9 chapters worth of ideas from it and it just keeps growing as i add more to it. Good luck and i can't wait to see how kagome reacts to the +'s and -'s of pregnancy... ^_~
| Title: A Complication for the story ^^
Reviewed By: Mikage Aya [MediaMiner Member] On: March 20, 2008 09:55 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Hi! I love how this is going and the fact that Kagome understood Sesshoumaru's intentions with the groal gave me an idea. What if the spell they used to make her conceive happened to go awry? And somehow the taiyoukai's blood running through the baby started to somewhat change Kagome-chan? Like add one or two inu behaviours and resistance and such, since after all it is only logical that the youkai blood make her stronger to bear Sesshoumaru's child if allowed, and thats when the spell comes in handy. Also, plz do the marking!!! I'm such a sucker for inu mating's ritual, lol!!! (Yes, I'm implying what most of us expect, K & S have to end up together..right??) Plus I think there ought to be some kind of trigger for the mutation (transformation or something) to begin in Kagome, some need for the blood to make her body stronger and more resilient. Perhaps Aiko could poison her or hurt heer thus being near death, she would miracuously recover after avery hgh fever and almost dying. Well, hope that helps!!! I LOVE all your fanfics! Keep it up!
| Reviewed By: inufan625 [MediaMiner Member] On: March 17, 2008 02:00 EDT
Comment/Review:
This piece has been nominated at the Feudal Association! Founded in 2005 by author/artist, Dark Avenger, and currently owned by authors, InuGrrrl and Inufan625, the Feudal Association consists of writers, artists, and enthusiasts of the InuYasha fandom. But aside from that, we are also proud to say that we are an awards guild that recognizes fan-fiction and artwork. Several times a year we nominate, vote, and hand out honors to some of the best creations in the fandom. Our official website can be found here: http://feudal-pulpfiction.net/fa/ The current nominations pages are here: http://feudal-pulpfiction.net/fa/nommedfics.html (Fiction) http://feudal-pulpfiction.net/fa/nommedart.html (Fanart) Your story was nominated in the category Best Romance (non Inu/Kag) Our Yahoo Group, where the nominations and voting occurs, can be found here: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FeudalAssociation/ Voting is open from March 20th 2008 through April 4th 2008 (at midnight). Congratulations and feel free to join and/or help us spread the word about our group! ~ InuGrrrl & Inufan625 Owners/Administrators of the Feudal Association ***Please Note: You may receive this notice more than once if you've been nominated for several awards. They will appear as reviews on your nominated works.
| Title: YAY!!!!!
Reviewed By: Ice Vixen X (nsi) On: November 08, 2007 20:14 EST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Awsome, just freakin awsome. I Loved it! He's opening up to her and it's so cute. Please update soon... ^_~
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