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| "High School Drama" Reviews/Comments [ 7 ] | Title: ok
Reviewed By: terrybreaw On: June 25, 2007 07:51 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 3 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 5 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 5 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Hi. Ok so far it isn't bad for a profile chapter. I believe you have potential and I could say that with myself being an english teacher. Hope you get more up and I am real excited to see what your mind can do for the first chapter.
| Title: Oh dear...
Reviewed By: Evangeline_Lily On: November 10, 2006 17:10 CST
Comment/Review:
(Oh dear... My review was cut off... here's the reast.) (Continuing right before it was cut off...) ...flamers of your might be your biggest fans! :D …Damn, now I sound like a guidance councilor… Sorry if you thought this was TOTALLY pointless, and had better things to do than read this long-winded reviewer's review… ^_^;; But I hope that the reason why you haven't updated yet is because of flames… If it is, than I'll make up for it by reviewing every chapter of yours, because no one (no matter how much of a bitch they can be) deserves to be flamed.
| Title: Come ON, people, REALLY...
Reviewed By: Evangeline_Lily On: November 10, 2006 17:08 CST
Comment/Review:
PLEASE READ THIS! Okay, right off the bat, this will not be a flame. I was going to write a little review, saying "you have this good, just a little problem here, here, here, and here," but then I saw that SteveXClaire made a very long review. So, I read it, like any curious person. And I know that this SteveXClaire person probably won't be reading this, but to anyone who does: If you leave ANY type of flame, do it with CLASS! Do not sit there and flame someone because of their writing format! Give them a chance to at least post the first chapter of their story! And if you leave a flame, at least give some pointers on how they can make it BETTER. And at least log in. It's low to flame someone anonymously. Flames hurt peoples' feelings. I'm not a psychiatrist, I'm not even that mature; but, nonetheless, I DO have enough brains to say that EVERYONE on this site that writes is NO where NEAR perfect at writing. Some may be better than others, but no one has "perfect" writing. Everyone here learns more and more about writing every day, even me, even the "perfect" people on this site like Sueric, Rosefire, and others. And this is fanFICTION. It's totally up to the author how they want there story to go. Why? Because it's FICTION! If an author decides to make a continuation, I highly doubt a lot of peoples' works are going to have anything to do with what's going to happen because Rumiko Takahashi is writing it, not us! A lot of people make AU's, and a lot of times, people are OOC, or their age was changed. So what? They're not breaking any rules, are they? Then stay out of it! I see no problem in describing character's "lanky" if that's how they want to. And they can pair anyone up with anyone. Because, in AU's, the setting is usually in modern times. Who knows what the InuYasha cast would be like if everyone was alive and living in modern times. If someone decides to make Naraku paired with Kagome, what does it matter? I've seen SESSHOUMARU paired with her. And he's against humans even being alive! The only exception is Rin. While InuLuv may be a new author and 12 for all we know, I highly doubt InuLuv's DESPERATE. Just a fan that has made a story and wants to post it to share it with others, like everyone else on this site is doing. Anything wrong with that? And it is NOT a lack of creativity! Gosh! I mean COME ON, people! A lack of creativity is when you plagiarize someone else's story. If you made the plot, it's creative. And no, InuLuv should Not take this off, because, while you may not be enjoying reading this fanfic, others might. And I'm not sure how this is "funny" to you, but I'm glad you're at least enjoying the fic you, apparently, o-so-hate. It shows that you're at least not a heartless bitch. And "could I rate you a zero"? How low can you GET? No story deserves a zero. None; zip; nada. There are many fictions that could use work, I agree, but not ONE deserves a zero. Once again, it just shows how much of a bitch you can be. The only type of "flame" that is one to give to someone else is something like what RinLover has written. It says that the reader dislikes the fic, but it says what the author can do to correct it. Every author is human, and they have a right for their feelings, because flames can deeply hurt them, and even though you might not care, think of how YOU'D feel if you received a COMPLETELY heartless flame for a work that could be your first. Most likely devastated. And if you were trying to make the longest review; HA! I beat you... If anyone besides the author of this fic has read this, at least it shows your decent, whether or not you agree with what I've said. Now, to my review: I can't really give you a proper review because there's no actual chapters, just descriptions so far. But I hope that despite any heartless flames you may have received, you continue to write, because you seem to have a talent, all you have to do is work hard to improve and soon those flamers of your might be your biggest fa | Title: How dense are you?
Reviewed By: SteveXClaire On: November 05, 2006 22:09 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 1 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 1 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 1 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 1 of 10
Overall Rating: 1 of 10 Comment/Review:
I wonder if I could rate you a Zero? Well, I have some deceny. I rated you a one. ^_^ Let's see, I don't where to begin. The errors are far too many to just pick one. I guess I'll start with your lack of knowledge for the characters. I know this is a FANfiction, but you could at least make the characters in the profiles actually SEEM like themselves. Not everyone hates Kikyou, ESPECIALLY not Rin, nor Sango, DEFINITELY NOT Miroku. In fact, Miroku and Sango THANK her before she dies in the manga. Not even Kagome hates Kikyou. NOR does Kikyou hate Kagome. You've got this incredible love for Kagome and the InuXKag pairing, that you need everything to go your little fangirlish way in your fluffy happy bunny cakes fangirl of a mind. You made the some of the WEIRDEST pairings and the WEIRDEST siblings-- people that'd you'd never dream of having realations DO in your 'profiles'. And they all go to highschool which already makes this 'story' trite and I'm sorry, utterly retarded. Learn to spell, get your facts straight, and oh yeah-- QUIT WRITING! I can't even call what you WROTE writing, it's that terrible. And all it is really is describing the charactes- Quite falsely. The only thing you got right is their body descriptions-- oh wait, I believe you described Bankotsu and Kikyo as thin and LANKY. DO YOU KNOW THE DESCRIPTION OF LANKY?! -adjective, lank‧i‧er, lank‧i‧est, lanky. ungracefully thin and rawboned; bony; gaunt: a very tall and lanky man. --KIKYO is NOT Lanky. NOR is Bankotsu. Just because their dead, doesn't mean their SKELETAL and just hang there like sagging old people. Seriously, you must be a desperate twelve year old writer-- or just desperate. Having read this, gave me a jolly good laugh and I truly thank you for that, I haven't laughed that hard in a really long time. Wow. If you ever were to continue this story, It would contain something about Kikyo being an evil bitch and Kagome being the perfect little angel of a hero-- right, because in fangirl world, the slutty ass whore always gets her way! JUST LIKE YOU! All in all, your descriptions vague, describing what the characters feel -- even vaguer and untrue. Another thing that disturbed me was that Inuyasha and all live in the same house as SESSHOUMARU and RIN. And, if Rin is 18, wouldn't Suikotsu be dead by now? And WHY is he obsessed with Sango? Suikotsu and Sango haven't even shared a CONVERSATION. He's had more conversation with Kikyo and Rin then he's had with her! ALSO- why the hell is Naraku with KAGOME?! OF ALL PEOPLE you could of CHOSEN! How frickin farfectched. I think I know what this is-- It's a common case of "I'm a sucky fangirl that cant think of her own hot characters, so I have to use Rumikos characters to fit into my own crappy plot and pretend its a fanfic when its really my lack of creativity and style! :D" I've read so many just like you, but you... yeah, you're definitely one of the worst-- if not, even worse than that. You should take this off-- because, it may of been funny to me, but poor other readers eyes are bleeding. Well, I'm out of time now so-- FUcK OFF! Your writing sucks! :D -Zomg I love steve! and Riku! And Sora! hehe.-
| Reviewed By: Rinlover [MediaMiner Member] On: November 03, 2006 23:56 CST
Comment/Review:
*bangs head against pole* I don't know how many nasty reviews I'll have to give before people get WHY not to put the character profiles up BEFORE the story is written. Please, please, please, please, please NEVER EVER EVER EVER put character descriptions up as your prologue. I can tell you this right now, NOBODY wants to read profiles. Think, when you're reading a novel, are the first few pages describing the physical and psychological features of the protagonists and antagonists? No! We go to read the stories to read a plot, not read the character descriptions. I'm not saying don't write them, they're great for your own personal reference in case you forget something about the character, but NEVER post them up as a chapter, or any part in the story at all. The reader wants to hear the character described. Based on your description, this is how Kagome could be described when first entering the scene: The clicking of heals caught the attention of those around her. The eighteen year old woman had walked by with confidence and an air that screamed intelligence. Her long, flowing black tresses cascaded down her back, but one would be ignorant to her tresses while looking at her tan face and deep chocolate eyes. With an athletic stature of 5'7, envy poured out of those around her. She was a miko with power and a matching personality... Now, doesn't that seem more interesting to read than this: Kagome Higurashi: 18 years old. Miko. Tan skin, Chocolate Brown eyes, Raven black hair, 5'7, toned, and very athletic. Is a Senior at Kyotoama High. Parents died when she was 16. Has brother Miroku. Lives in mansion with Sango, Rin, Sesshomaru, Miroku and InuYasha. Has loved InuYasha since the 8th grade(Everyone but InuYasha Knows). Is dating Naraku. Hates KiKyo, Koga and Kagura.--Mine was just an example for you to look back on, but please don't use it. Use words that are new to your vocabulary, sound intelligent. I will be favoring this fanfiction so I can keep a closer eye on your actual fanfiction and continue to give you tips. My email is theangelofdeath64@yahoo.com so feel free to email me if this review has upset you in any way, or if you have any questions reguarding my critique. Thank you for your time.
| Reviewed By: Sayo124 [MediaMiner Member] On: November 03, 2006 17:04 CST
Comment/Review:
Well, I can't rate it, so there's no rating for now... but I can say that it sounds interesting so far... so I hope you get more up! ^_^
| Reviewed By: animegurl_06 On: November 01, 2006 00:12 CST
Comment/Review:
cant wait to read ur first chapter.
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