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| "Lost Time" Reviews/Comments [ 6 ] | Title: Sorry For The Late Review
Reviewed By: sephlier [MediaMiner Member] On: January 28, 2007 10:38 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I hated to do this...but I read this chapter first instead of starting over from the beginning. I had been waiting to find out what happened to Penelo and how Balthier would react! I was kind of hoping that she would use him vanish then wait for him at the inn just to show him up (I know I can be evil.) This story is so elegantly written! The character's emotions and reactions are believable and the imagery is very crisp and clear. I love how you wrote Balthier waking up and finding Penelo missing. You listed so many thoughts running through his mind-my favorite thought was him trying to deal with the thought of a woman walking out on him instead of him leaving them. I also enjoyed how he tried to cope with said thought by ordering a drink. Your reasoning for Penelo leaving works better then mine, though, it keeps the story going. ^_~ It is hard to believe that "Lost Time" will be ending soon. It's been a good ride and I cannot wait to read what happens next! Thank you so much for the update! You have made me a Benelo follower!
| Title: Wait...What Was That?!
Reviewed By: sephlier [MediaMiner Member] On: January 10, 2007 19:15 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Normally, not one to read hentai-I stuck with this. I knew it would be good. No, I knew it would be well written, tasteful, and beautiful; there just are not enough words. Wow! For something that does not even happen in the game-it is believable and sweet. Everything was so poetic and strong. So many good lines-And thirdly, well planned out lines personalized specifically for his lover for the evening, since it was practically impolite to reuse the same line twice. The pairing you used works so well and convincing. Wow, again! The ending...I just keep wondering if I really saw the last sentence. I must have read it about three times! Forgive me for this but: She's gone?! Why?! I can see getting up and leaving Vaan (heck, I wanted to do that in sooo many parts of the game. I wished that instead of little smiley faces they had a slap Vaan option) but HIM?! Why?! That was so unexpected! Does this mean there will be more? *points* I hope so! I'm so glad I was able to catch this update. I am also thrilled that I was interested in Final Fantasy XII enough to read your work. You are/your writing is one of those gems. So emotional and descriptive! Thank you for the update!
| Title: Aww, Thank you!
Reviewed By: sephlier [MediaMiner Member] On: December 29, 2006 19:01 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
So powerful and real! It's not everyday that I find myself wishing I could swap places with a fictional character just to feel everything they are. You are such a gifted writer! I don't know, I can't decide which line I liked best. It's between Taught to always be a calm, logical thinker, the sky pirate rationalized to himself that this sudden burst of passion must have been brought on by the Bhujerban Madhu. (I remember a slight side quest where you find a bottle of the liquor and approach one of those gray creatures lying on the ground and hume standing above him. The man asks Vaan for the Madhu and you are confronted with a list of choices. If you hand it over a little scene starts when the hume accepts the bottle-next thing you know he's lying on the ground like his partner talking about random silly things, empty bottle lying beside him) and Is it really, Penelo?" his voice barely above a whisper. (To me, this says a lot. Maybe, I'm a little perverted or old or see too far into things but it added so much more…I just don't have the right words to describe it, I'm sorry. On the overall I love this story: the chapters, the descriptions, everyting. I did have a problem with one sentence and I just can't think of any other way to write it: nor like any has he had with any other woman maybe "nor like any he has had"? I remember the first chapter where you mentioned the possible length for this story this is chapter three-will there be more? I saw the note at the bottom-it is me that feels honored! Thank you so much! I'm glad that I haven't unintentionnally annoyed you; that was my greatest concern. Oh, before I forget-your penname. It reminded me of The Phantom Of The Opera (Andrew Lloyd Webber adaptation). There was a scene where Christine and Raul(?) were talking about stories...ghost stories, I think, and this person called Little Lotte. Christine responds "So, you remember that, too." Sorry, for that I'm one of those types of people that has so much to say and has no clue how to say it. Thank you again! The update-as with the rest of the story, is absolutely amazing and powerful!
| Title: Song Is Always The Best When Dealing With Emotion
Reviewed By: sephlier [MediaMiner Member] On: December 27, 2006 19:33 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
It's sad that the ranks don't go up to ninety-nine but I guess "perfect ten" makes sense, too. I've never heard the song but Muse(?)-I think I have heard of them at least while perusing the internet. Have I told you before that you write really well? The second chapter was wonderful and heartfelt. Both characters were portrayed very well. I am so glad that you have added to this story-it is wonderful. I don't know if this is the best way to say it but there is such elegance in your writing-I don't know how else, to put it-but it was evident from the beginning! Hah, as I finished the review above, I received a notification that someone left a comment on one of my stories-I saw where the comment was left and who left it and thought "no bloody way". Thank you for taking the time to read and comment! I am honored! Thank you!
| Title: I Forgot Something
Reviewed By: sephlier [MediaMiner Member] On: December 25, 2006 20:08 CST
Comment/Review:
I meant to tell you that your story format needs to be a little cleaner. It looks like you need to switch it to HTML because your lines are scrunched together and it was hard to read until I copied it to my PC and saved it as HTML. Sorry, for neglecting to tell you in my first review.
| Title: Penelo With An Actual Personality?!
Reviewed By: sephlier [MediaMiner Member] On: December 25, 2006 20:01 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
First of all: YAAAY!!! A final Fantasy XII fic!!! *ahem* Now that that is out of the way: I have not seen a single Final Fantasy XII fanfic but then agian...I haven't exactly been looking for them. This was a pleasant surprise! Thank you!! It seems that because the game is so new it's almost a taboo subject for fanfic authors to handle. I'll say that there was one point I didn't like-and it's just me-but-I prefer Balthier with Fran...I did not care for Penelo but then...I didn't care for half the characters in XII. Balthier was the greatest and I loved Gabranth's armor and voice. Ah well, it's your story, and a good one at that! One more peronal gripe before I get to my ratings is: I didn't catch your rating for the story. I never understand why authors start with a low rating and explain that it "will go up with further chapters." I understand that it isn't adult subject matter yet but it's going to go up later so why wait? Anyway, sorry for that. Style Of Writing: and Originality/Creativity: are the same-I LOVE this story, so far! You've captured Balthier's personality very well and you even have the "old English"/formal dialect going on! Spelling and Grammar: This is where I saw some problems. I caught a few spelling errors...the words weren't exactly spelled wrong it's just that you had the wrong tense bathes=baths, a pained looked (look) crossed, replied back(back is unnecessary replied is enough). Enjoyment Factor: and Overall Rating: I can not tell you how much I enjoyed this chapter (depite my little personal issues)...the only thing that irked me about is some places lacked details. Viera, a few of the places...it just didn't seem complete. There are some cases where your readers are reading just to read and have never touched a/the game-I myself haven't finished twelve (my boyfriend has, though(it's just something about getting yer arse handed to you by a white Flan, with a nasty attitude, and many many nasty friends with high bit points))but I do know a few of the places and characters. I understand why you would want to skimp on some details, though. It's brief mention to move the story along-establishing setting. Your main focus is Penelo and Balthier so it is understandable...I just love detail is all-but it is your story and you chose to share it so you can do what you want. ^^; Oh, in your author's notes you mentioned that you wrote another story. Where do you have it? Is it on Mediaminer? I would love to read it, you write really well, and I'm assuming it is a Final Fantasy XII fanfiction. I'm sorry about being so picky but, believe me, I really do love this story and I can't wait to read more of this or any of your other works! I've added you to my favorites lists!
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