| "The Play" Reviews/Comments [ 31 ] |
| Pages (3): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 › » ] |
Reviewed By: Vampire_Bride On: February 13, 2009 18:39 CST
Comment/Review:
PLEASE!! add more. for the love of the yoai god!
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Reviewed By: dizzy_otaku On: April 13, 2008 19:58 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 6 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
You MUST continue writing this fic! I'm so addicted and its only the 7th chapter. I really want to know what's going to happen to Daisuke abd Satoshi! You're a really good writer. Don't give up! Ah... And just in case you haven't noticed(in case i've been forgetting to review), you're my all time favorite author on this site!:] If you have an account on FF.net with more stories, please post it! Muchos gracias. - dizzy_otaku
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Reviewed By: LittleBlackFox [MediaMiner Member] On: October 24, 2007 07:54 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Satoshi and Daiske seem to like >.> love struck... like really loved or somthing... i think itd be better if they teased eachother
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Reviewed By: this is newdkidt On: September 26, 2007 16:34 CDT
Comment/Review:
i loved it so much i want more
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Reviewed By: BlackHaru2 [MediaMiner Member] On: July 23, 2007 21:21 CDT
Comment/Review:
oh man... that was awesome! ^_^ I luved the ending, but omg! What the hell is Krad going to do now that he knows Dark has always liked him...? AAAHHH!!! You have to update soon...! pleeeaaase!
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Reviewed By: BlackHaru2 [MediaMiner Member] On: July 22, 2007 14:31 CDT
Comment/Review:
you haven't updated in such a long time... pleeeaaase update soon. Please...?
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Reviewed By: BlackHaru2 [MediaMiner Member] On: July 06, 2007 02:30 CDT
Comment/Review:
this is the best DNAngel story i've probably ever read... seriously. OMG... I'm so eager to find out what the really juicy parts of the play are. Please update as soon as you can! thanx, BH2
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Title: The Play
Reviewed By: lost_sasuke_loves_itachi [MediaMiner Member] On: April 27, 2007 11:03 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Me again. This is the third fic of yours that I've read. (Wow and all D N Angel) It was another good fic that I truly enjoyed so I will leave you and once again say nice fic.
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Reviewed By: DesertIllusion [MediaMiner Member] On: April 09, 2007 22:05 CDT
Comment/Review:
w00t! The chapter was short, but I liked how the events, as trivial as they seem on the surface, flowed so well. I don't know why, but I always have trouble writing about common events such as confessing or trying to get someone alone, so I always get a little jealous when I read a fic that does it so easily.
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Reviewed By: newdkidt [MediaMiner Member] On: April 09, 2007 16:41 CDT
Comment/Review:
awww krad is so evil he should let them be together that bastard. anyway it was really good so keep it up i want to read more.
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Reviewed By: astral.silentmobius On: April 07, 2007 21:58 CDT
Comment/Review:
You got me hooked up on this... I like it!
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Reviewed By: DesertIllusion [MediaMiner Member] On: March 31, 2007 00:54 CDT
Comment/Review:
Nice. I like the events of the story and the way you develop your plot and characters (I suppose this can also count as a review for Turquoise Bracelet as well). You have a few typos ("heal" instead of "heel") and need to work a bit on showing instead of telling. Though it's guaranteed that the reader knows what you're trying to convey by having the characters say/think it outright, it isn't the most interesting read. Try to cut down on the lengths of dialog and describe the actions more. Scenario Thoughts Commentary For example: Let's say Dark gets lost while trying to find the kitchen and ends up stumbling across Krad while he's bathing in his private chambers. Dark stared. (He's gorgeous), he thought. Ok, so we get that Dark thinks a naked Krad is gorgeous. His thoughts serve the purpose of letting the reader know that, but it's blunt, noticeable, and we don't know HOW Krad is gorgeous. Instead, try something like: The light reflected from the water's surface danced over smooth skin and Krad's body seemed to glow. Dark's eyes followed the movement of the water as it rolled off the prince's body in delicate droplets and all traces of hunger disappeared. Here it's much clearer how gorgeous Krad is and we no longer need Dark stating the obvious. By using detailed imagery, we SHOW that Krad is gorgeous and enough so that Dark is no longer hungry. I know this way takes a lot more work and thoughtful planning, but it improves your overall writing by making the images stand out to the reader. You want them to experience the story, not read it. It's almost 2 AM, so I can't really leave a completely coherent review, but I'd be happy to beta this story for you as long as school doesn't get in the way. I'm sorry if I sounded like a know-it-all.
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Reviewed By: ~*Steph*~ On: March 22, 2007 21:45 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!!..update soon ok pleaseeee...... ^-^
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Reviewed By: Kazuhachan On: March 06, 2007 06:46 CST
Comment/Review:
I love your fanfiction! I like the way Dark is teasing Krad but I think Krad would not do things like giving him this apple. You describe him as a cold demon, an dhe is! So, I expected that he qould not accept Dark this way! I thought he would be really bad to him... I m excited how it is going on^^
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Reviewed By: jujubean On: February 26, 2007 16:58 CST
Comment/Review:
krad is awesome, i loved it so update when you can
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| Pages (3): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 › » ] |
