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| "Blood From Metal" Reviews/Comments [ 15 ] | Title: well...
Reviewed By: Fuyuna [MediaMiner Member] On: July 13, 2008 08:13 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Start from the objective review first (although it's still in my subjective range too): 1. the story is good, detail, well written plot. It look like you wrote Full Metal Panic 3rd season completely from the start to the end. 2. I found that some part of the story is taking too much scene, too much dialogue that the story getting bored sometime. 3. the relationship between Sousuke and alternate pairing such Yu Fan is well written and believable Now, let's move to subjective review from me, shall we? 1. I like the lemon scene with alternate pairing, more over a really rare pairing like Sousuke x Yu Fan. It's Full Metal Panic best lemon scene so far for me. Hot, indeed 2. unfortunately, even though I found that lemon scene with alternate pairing is hot, I like it for just one night stand only!! When you wrote about Sousuke X Tessa, you broke my heart…and when finally I could accept that relationship (because I like tessa too, but Kaname still will be most character female I like).. you wrote Sousuke x Yu Fan relationship!! And you crush my heart into pieces now….sob..sob..sob. Why? Poor Kanna. Why she didn't warn Sousuke and forbid that relationship? Sousuke promise to protect Kanna and with his effort to save her, I believe Kanna is the most woman he loved. He should be able to ignore Yu Fan for Kanna. Why? And I feel strange, for some reason, the relationship with the women make Sousuke rather OOC. I feel like Kaname is the 1st wife, tessa the 2nd wife and Yu Fan is his concubine. Oh well, your story is the most devastated story for my heart. I've ever read. You left me with my heart crush into pieces. Well, for your story to be able to influence your reader into that state like me, it's proved that your story is well written in one and other way…sob…sob..poor Kaname.
| Title: Undecided
Reviewed By: Langus [MediaMiner Member] On: September 18, 2007 01:36 CDT
Comment/Review:
While I like how your plot seems to draw from the novels that have yet to be published, I can't reconcile the thoughts of Souske and Tessa ending up together...or that he would have random meaningless sex with all the other women in the series. Regardless of this fact you write rather well. Your story had good flow, decent character development and you seem to draw the reader in with ease. I'm interesting in browsing through your other posts but to be honest I don't think I'll be reading any more of this one. You can't win 'em all.
| Reviewed By: Glaive On: May 28, 2007 12:41 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Another fic of yours I enjoyed quite a lot. While reading, I stumbled over several little typos... maybe you might want to employ another proof-reader? I definitely like the character development. I guess if there is one thing to be left desired, then it would be that this fic were longer. I am most definitely looking forward to the sequel.
| Title: Reader/Writer
Reviewed By: MichaelCross On: March 23, 2007 01:04 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Great Story. I loved lemons and lethal action scenes. I can hardly wait for sequel. Seriously!
| Title: Nice Fic
Reviewed By: Cardcaptor_RLH85 [MediaMiner Member] On: February 26, 2007 03:07 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
I really liked this one. It has more action than your regular work but you really got it to come together well here. I must agree with thebigW about actually coming up with a believable plot for getting Sousuke and Yu-Fan together. Even though I think I saw something along those lines coming for the last few chapters. I eagerly await your sequel (or whatever you're writing next really ^_^). Until then, keep up the wonderful work!
| Title: Doink!
Reviewed By: thebigW [MediaMiner Member] On: February 25, 2007 21:16 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Wait a minute, that conference sounds like it was ripped from a SEELE meeting, I said to myself. Then you throw that omake at us. Yu-Fan and Sousuke... who'da thunk it??? Congrats on a believable plot to get those two together, you... Cupid, you... W.
| Reviewed By: James Axelrad On: February 25, 2007 20:27 CST
Comment/Review:
its an exceptional fic, like everything you have written. looking forward to the next installment, or anything else you decide to write.
| Title: What's Next
Reviewed By: Fallen Seraph On: February 09, 2007 10:53 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
because of you, i got into black lagoon. Made me crave cigarettes again but i will get used to it. Liking the story line, so far, and trying to figure out how you are going to work on the Sousuke X Mao or Sousuke X Yu Fan case. Knowing Mao (which i don't) that she is sooner or later going to get into Sousuke. guess i have to wait.
| Reviewed By: Shenlong010 On: January 27, 2007 05:06 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I've read a lot of your work. In fact, I have read all of it that references the animes that I've seen. I've never been dissapointed in it, and this is shaping up to be another great story. I look forward to the next chapter, and please, keep up the amazing work.
| Reviewed By: Fallen Seraph On: January 23, 2007 11:03 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
next, please!! Only grammer problem I saw was the Mardukas was on the sub. Thought he retired
| Reviewed By: Fallen Seraph On: January 19, 2007 12:17 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Awesome, fucking awesome. Don't know why the guy doesn't like Tessa and Sousuke fics, but I found this one enjoyable. Like the last FMP fic you made and hope that you update this one quickly. If not, DO IT FASTER. LOL, hope you come out with the new chapter soon, cause I already getting impatient for the new one.
| Reviewed By: Lokasenna On: January 18, 2007 22:21 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Gfam:The hell is wrong with you? Can you NOT read? It's a Sousuke gets both Kana and Tessa! This is made of complete pure WIN! I noticed a few spelling mistakes, nothing serious. I would list them out and everything but by the time I thought of doing it I had already finished. And I don't have the time to reread to post the corrections on your lj.
| Reviewed By: Gfam [MediaMiner Member] On: January 18, 2007 18:13 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 1 of 10 Comment/Review:
What?! Sousuke and Tessa can never end up together! I mean, sure you have great grammer use and it's a good plot, but the ending is horrible. Not because of the way you wrote it, but because I hate Sousuke and Tessa pairings. Overall, a great FMP fic. I hope you update soon and bring Kaname back to kick Tessa's ass, then Sousuke's and then they make up, do the lemon stuff, and rub it in Tessa's face.
| Reviewed By: Excellent! On: January 15, 2007 01:16 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Excellent read, everything works, all the reactions are what I can imagine actually happening in the series if it were real life. Wish you good luck on the next chapters, because setting a bar that high on the first chapter will make it difficult to write the next ones. And in response to Terdwilicker, the technicalities of the action scene are correct. He's not in a duel with Leonard nor is he in a gunfight with him, he's trying to escape, so using Full-Auto to lay down suppressive fire is correct for the situation. Though I do agree somewhat with carrying AP rounds. However, Sousuke isn't a god, and he won't think of every single little possiblity. So showing him not being prepared down to the smallest detail is a good thing.
| Title: Hmm
Reviewed By: Terdwilicker [MediaMiner Member] On: January 14, 2007 03:07 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 5 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 6 of 10
Overall Rating: 6 of 10 Comment/Review:
This resembles, probably by accident, another fic on FF.net. http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2894829/4/ Its not identical, but its a similar direction, following the novels which haven't made it into anime yet. You don't usually do action in your writing, so its a different feel than usual. Presumably you aren't that familiar with firearms, but full auto on a 9mm smg is not a good idea 1 handed (even WITH a compensator), and Sousuke, while wild and such, isn't likely to do unaimed shooting. Spray and Pray isn't his style when in protective mode. If you want to make him a little bit hardcore in that scene, have that second magazine contain the Armor Piercing 9mm the Russians developed. Something like this: http://www.defensereview.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid =680 The ammo will work in all 9mm, though pressure issues do likely require either gas action or a stronger action spring. I'm pretty sure the Steyr is a recoil action, like most SMGs. As for the writing itself, you've got a few misplaced words and spelling errors which will be easy to fix if you re-read it. This story has potential, just keep in mind your strengths as a writer so you don't flounder. If this is your effort to grow as a writer, then give it a shot and don't worry too much, as long as you're smart about the reviews. If you do get irritated with it and quit, that happens to all of us. You've done lots of good projects before. I'm curious to see how this one turns out. Best, Terdwilicker
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