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| "What she Did For Love" Reviews/Comments [ 18 ] | | Pages (2): [ 1 2 › » ] | Title: This may be a little late... ^^;;;
Reviewed By: RyousGirl567 [MediaMiner Member] On: March 19, 2009 00:51 CDT
Comment/Review:
Hey, haven't heard from me in a while, have you? ^^;;; I was so busy with school and personal issues that I took an unwanted almost 2-year break from MM. Oh, how much I've missed it... So in order to actually read the epilogue, I went back and read the whole thing straight through. It's amazing the way your writing matures so rapidly as the story advances. I really love the lemon chapter, not because of the sex, but because I loved how you wrote it. I may have said this in a previous review, but you handled the situation with mastery. ^_^ Even though the epilogue was short (as most are), I felt the closure you aimed for. This story feels whole and complete and I'm glad I was able to watch it grow from start to finish. I am very flattered that you took my advice. I still blush about it! ^^;;; As for you as an author, I would love to read more from you! Though you might be 2 years removed from MM as I am... Nonetheless, if you ever decide to post something here again, I will be the first to read it. I wish you the best in your future and hope to read something from you! Happy writings! ~Your everlasting fan and mentor, who is still so very proud of you, Tori-chan~
| Title: aww
Reviewed By: DemanFox [MediaMiner Member] On: December 22, 2007 18:33 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
that was really great keep it up I hope you write a sequle to this one with there daugther.
| Title: YAY
Reviewed By: Star Garden On: August 22, 2007 20:00 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 4 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
I really liked this story, because there is struggle, and a well deserved ending. The happy ending, like in real life, is not just handed out without some pain and suffering. Thank you, so very much, for this wonderful story. XDXDXD
| Reviewed By: RyousGirl567 (too lazy to login) On: May 30, 2007 16:39 CDT
Comment/Review:
Ooh, nice conclusion! Is the epilogue going to contain the details about the baby (even thougb I know some of them)? I'm glad that Tohru is not only strong enough to live normally after what happened, but forgive her aggressor. I think that is what truly expressed Tohru's personality. She isn't one to hold a grudge, even against a person who's done terrible wrong with no reason behind it. It was a little abrupt, but maybe you can make the epilogue a little longer because of that. The description of Tohru's dress was beautiful; I was drawing it in my heead as you worked from the bottom up. I seriously got an image that looks like it stepped out of the anime because you described her appearance that well. If you were to do a sequel of this, I think you should leave the pregnancy 'til then. That way you have some extra material by showing the trials and tribulations of Kyo and Tohru as the pregnancy advances towards the 9th month. And you have material with the whole, "Who's baby?" thing. ^^;;; Well, it's your story, so you can plan it out however you see fit. I'm so happy that I've worked with you on this thrilling piece. It's truly been an honor to aid a fledgeling who so quickly took flight. Kudos to you for being one chapter (well, epilogue) away from finishing this story! Happy writings with not only the epilogue, but in your future as well! ~Love, A very proud Tori-chan~
| Title: maid of honor
Reviewed By: YoukoKuramasGirl [MediaMiner Member] On: May 26, 2007 09:13 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Who is going to be Tohru's maid of honor don't keep us in suspense? I can't wait to read the next chapter keep up the good work . Cheryl P.S. When are you going to write the next chapter?
| Title: good story
Reviewed By: YoukoKuramasGirl [MediaMiner Member] On: May 26, 2007 08:53 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 5 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
great story but I have a question. How can kyo get busy with anyone because the curse has not been broken . He should have turned into a cat when he touched Tohru,a small detail I thought I would bring to your attention. The story is quite good and I am looking forward to the next chapter. Keep up the good work but pay attention to spelling , grammer and useage of words. lol YoukoKuramasGirl
| Reviewed By: RyousGirl567 [MediaMiner Member] On: May 03, 2007 18:57 CDT
Comment/Review:
>.> Why am I the only one reviewing? Grrr... Well, I thought the lemon was the sweetest thing ever (or should I say "sour"). It makes me blush to see you using my advice, by the way. I got so ecstatic reading your email, which I am responding to shortly. You definitely kicked up the descriptions a notch. Wow, you've come so far that I can't even think of much more you can improve on. That's wonderful! ^_^ I only caught a few typos but even I'm allowed typos. XD they're barely noticable too. I wasn't expecting Kyo to propose, by the way. That was so cute! If you don't want to add in every little detail, you can skip to the wedding day, then to when Tohru first starts to feel the symptoms of pregnancy, then to whenever you want. Just don't forget to include the "x amount of time later" or we'll be lost. ^^;;; This is developing into a masterpiece, so keep working at it! Happy writings! ^_^ ~Tori-chan~
| Title: >.> Damn review got cut off and I had to retype the WHOLE thing....
Reviewed By: RyousGirl567 (still too lazy to login) On: April 04, 2007 19:22 CDT
Comment/Review:
Seriously, you're an excellent romance writer! ^_^ I think my favorite line was the following: "She was the puppet and he was the puppet master." That was definitely a nice touch. I also love how you didn't neglect to add Tohru's initial shock at someone's touch. That helps with the realism. I understand why you post bits at a time, so I'm not angry; it's ok that you want feedback/advice before advancing in your story. ^_~ Ok, big matter, but not a "bashing" thing: remeber that Tohru is a rape victim. I know, I know, lemons are fun, exciting, a little sour, and smexy, but take that idea into mind before you rush the two into sex. I'm not saying Tohru wouldn't go through with it, but if she did right away, that would be quite unbelievable. I mean, she may be able to act as if she's ok, but most rape victims experience flahsbacks/relapses when in a similar situation to their rape, even though they don't believe they will. No, I'm not speaking from personal experience (fortunately). Try putting yourself in Tohru's place by trying to get a feel of the immense amount of utter terror she must have felt being violated by someone she already feared so much. Scary, ne? But wouldn't it just be kawaii if Kyo soothes her and convinces her that forced sex and sex for love are two completely different things?! :3 Yeah, I'm a hopeless romantic who wishes for happy ending (even though I rarely write them. ^^;;; I'm a sap and I love every minute of it. Ok, back on topic. It's just a thing to keep in mind before sending these two off to have sex with a rape victim on your hands (or paper). The KyoxTohru pairing is adorable, so you'll have to write something between them. ^_~ Ok, for the Akito matter, you must think through the mind of Akito. What could he do/have already done that would bring the most devastation to Kyo and the other jyunishi? Think from the eyes of a sadist (strangely enough). Hmmm... rape + sex with the boyfriend/lover = possible paternity problems to a pregnancy... 9 months later a little Kyo or a little Akito is going to pop out, but no one knows which one it'll be! *maniacal laughter* Well, that's just one of the ideas you can use for Akito's "revenge." You could even use this idea and another simultaneously. Akito is quite evil an sadistic, so you have quite a plethora of ways to choose from. Choose away, my pupil! And happy writings, of course! ^_^ ~Tori-chan (or should it be -sempai? *evil grin)~
| Reviewed By: RyousGirl567 (too lazy to login) On: April 04, 2007 19:05 CDT
Comment/Review:
*jumps for joy* You reviewed! ^____^ Thanks a bunch! I was definitely wondering whether or not to do a Kyo thing for 'Just Like That'. My sis (HUGE Kyo fan) will be happy to find out that I've decided to (thanks to you). ^^;;; Well, now let's start on the analysis of your work. *evil grin* Looove the descriptions in this one!
| Title: Awsome!
Reviewed By: Keira Rae Taisho [MediaMiner Member] On: March 24, 2007 13:08 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Absolutly amazing. Hurry and update. This story is going into my faves!
| Reviewed By: RyousGirl567 [MediaMiner Member] On: March 19, 2007 16:12 CDT
Comment/Review:
I see that you decided to make the story move at a move "realistic" pace, which is a plus. And you've even got me confused, bringing Tohru back like that! @_@ That's another plus. XD So now the only question you have left to answer is, "What's Akito up to?!" Gyah! I don't know where you're going with this, but it looks quite intriguing! I wanna read more! :3 The descriptoin of Tohru was pretty good, but probably could have taken up an entire paragraph itself. I can see the effort you're putting forth on trying to make your writing better. Trust me, it shows! ^_^ Good luck with the next chapter! Remember not to rush to update just to "please the readers" 'cause we'll wait! ^_^ Anyway, happy writings! ~Tori-chan~ P.S. I like writing angsty stuff (especially about Furuba), so maybe you'd like to check out some of my fics. Thanks a bunch in advance!
| Title: Gomen for the long review, but it's worth it!
Reviewed By: RyousGirl567 [MediaMiner Member] On: March 10, 2007 14:20 CST
Comment/Review:
Ok! Time for that decent review! ^^;;; Again, I will start off saying that this is quite intriguing. Just what is in store for the poor jyuunishi? Just how does Akito plan to kill Tohru? How will he ensure the jyuunishi find them at just the right moment? How will Tohru fight back? If you haven't noticed, I'm presenting you questions that you need to answerin order to get past your writer's block. Sneaky,ne? :3 Those are your key plot questions right now and if you really can't answer them, even after rereading the manga or whatever else you can do for inspiration (yes, it's definitely unique from story to story), then I might have inferrences as to where I personally believe the story is heading. ( if you've honestly run dry of inspiration, then email me here: Burokun_No_Tenshi@yahoo.com ) The letters at the beginning were a nice touch. Kyo's anger is quite in character, whereas Hana's is not. Remember Hana's character: when she's happy, she's apathetic, but when she's mad, she gets mad in a non-aggrasive way. Uo is the ex-yanki, and therefore more likely to jump down Kyo's throat. Yes, I know, under given circumstances you may believe that Hana would act that way, but I don't believe so. Just my opinion. the conventions are near-perfect, which is a major plus! ^_^ Maybe you could delve a little deeper into the inner-workings of the characters as you did with the letters. Thoughts let us know that you know the characters, and we, as readers, want to feel what the character is feeling. The story is moving fast and slow at the same time. It's slow in the way that the last two chapters could have easily (and probably should have) been made into one chapter. It's fast in the way that Akito has tortured Tohru so much in a matter of maybe 1-2 days. Remember Akito's health; he needs plenty of rest to keep up his immune system and torture, though enjoyable for Akito, is still taxing on the body and mind. Akito should be worn out from the adrenaline rushes from his torture sessions with Tohru if he enjoys it as much as you portray (which I believe he would in the actual story). Just some technical notes/mistakes I picked up. They're not horrible though! Please don't think I'm tearing apart your story in anger! I am tearing apart your story, but in a way that I can break everything down for you so you can understand my stance. I honestly think that giving constructional criticism is quite fun, though it sounds strange. Maybe I just like knowing that I helped someone be closer to being the best they can be. You have a lot of potential, so don't throw it away. And this story, too, has an abundant amount of untapped potential just within your grasp. Trust me, I know what it's like to completely and utterly lose inspiration for a story, then come back to it (though it took me nearly 2 years to get back to aforementioned story ^^;;;). It does take time but I think we readers would enjoy a chapter more knowing you waited and took your time making it the best rather than rushed just to "get something up." You may lose impatient readers, but those readers aren't the true fans. We readers who are willing to wait even a month extra to ensure a better chapter are the ones who really matter. I hope you can use my advice and improve your techniques. Again, the potential fo both you and your story combined is immense. I can't wait until you post a new chapter! (and I apologize for making the counter go below 500) Happy writings! ~Tori-chan, your biggest fan and biggest critic~
| Reviewed By: Shaihirah [MediaMiner Member] On: February 23, 2007 18:18 CST
Comment/Review:
OMFG THIS WAS GREAT!! You are a great author. You could probably sell this story.O_o Update soon*Pick up knife* Or else. >:K
| Reviewed By: RyousGirl567 [MediaMiner Member] On: February 17, 2007 23:22 CST
Comment/Review:
This is turning out to be quite interesting. Please update soon! ~Tori-chan~ P.S. Were it not 12:30-ish, I'd be able to write you a decent review. *sigh* I think I'll write a better one in the afternoon.
| Reviewed By: inu - baby [MediaMiner Member] On: February 11, 2007 06:14 CST
Comment/Review:
Hi agian! Hey you haven't updated! Please update, I'm begging you!!! Any who still love the story so you better update...or else...^_^
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