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| "Breathless" Reviews/Comments [ 8 ] | Title: good beginning
Reviewed By: zantaz [MediaMiner Member] On: May 12, 2009 05:35 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 6 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Finely done beginning. The atmosphere is well-written, the interactions suitably intimate. Rather slow and not much development here though, but a promising start. TSR and post-TSR timelines are harder to pull off than the pre-TSR IMHO, but romantic solidity between the two main characters are always welcomed. Keep it up!
| Reviewed By: starzki [MediaMiner Member] On: December 30, 2008 14:08 CST
Comment/Review:
Very, very good. The mood and setting were perfect. The fact that each was so hesitant made me laugh. I'm glad I read it. :)
| Title: really good!
Reviewed By: anonymously On: November 08, 2008 00:22 CST
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 5 of 10
Comment/Review:
This was so good! I really felt that the scene reflected how the two would go about having sex the first time - they were really in character but also really sweet. It was also realistic, because it was so awkward and they're both in high school. Great!
| Reviewed By: frenchdiamond_1 [MediaMiner Member] On: September 04, 2008 10:32 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Wow, I really liked your fanfic. Sousuke is my favourite character and you portrayed his obssession for all things military was really awesome. I loved all the little details in your story and made me realize that really helps to make the story real. I'll have to remember that when I write my own story : Stay With Me.
| Reviewed By: Coffee Gyrl [MediaMiner Member] On: September 04, 2008 05:56 CDT
Comment/Review:
Aww man I just freaking loved this. The sweetness and awkwardness were just amazing. I love, love, love this to a million pieces and your use of physical discription mixed with emotions were lovely.
| Reviewed By: fallenangel7583 [MediaMiner Member] On: August 09, 2008 08:57 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
can i tell you that this is actually my favorite anime? i wrote inuYasha because it was the first that interested me but after seeing FMP a few years later, it became my instant fav. i LOVE this fic. you did such an awesome job with it. Your portrayal of Sousuke is to the T accurate. I love the indecisiveness about the 'safety' of their situation and where the best spot was to do it. What really enthralled me though with this story is the minute details and the actual reality behind them. It's the little things you notice when attempting to hide uncertainty. like her noticing the wilting plant in chapter one; it's things like that, those little details of human reality, which make the story. You did a phenomenal job with this fic, very awesome and very well written.
| Reviewed By: Sinai [MediaMiner Member] On: March 21, 2008 10:55 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Ah, I'm going to give you the biggest praise I can give the author of a lemon...I wasn't sure what gender you were until the actual sex started. The description in this fic was sublime, and the characters refreshingly in character. Sousuke's obsessively analytical mind was particularly well done, and both their youthful awkwardnesses were captured in thought and action. I found myself imagining the quiet heat of the summer day and what it would be like to be sliding my hand across their respective skins. It's hard to imagine that Sousuke could fumble his way through a romantic situation successfully, but you made their fumblings a joy to read. Grammar and word choice were excellent, such that I was never distracted by mechanical errors through the course of the story. Really, any potential flaws are written off by the relative brevity, the subject matter, and the limitations of the characters themselves. For example, normally I might question how long it took Sousuke to get into the swing of things...but it's Sousuke, and for him, there's no such thing as going overboard, his very character centers on his endearing social retardation. That, and despite everything, he's a teenage boy, so it's not like you can expect them as a group to get anything right. The heady perspective shifting during the sex was interesting, but I guess pretty common for sex scenes, if uncommon for most of literature, and again pulled off skillfully. As someone who has never really seriously considered Sousuke/Chidori as a sexual pairing (a tragic consequence of their comedic duality), I found myself surprisingly enjoyable look into not only how it could happen, but how it should happen. I'm off to read your other works then:) I hope you continue writing, it's something all too easy to let go of.
| Reviewed By: Hel On: February 14, 2008 09:44 CST
Comment/Review:
I love it ! Please update soon ! And thank you for the story
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