| "Final Straw" Reviews/Comments [ 10 ] |
Reviewed By: Ou On: April 28, 2009 12:58 CDT
Comment/Review:
"Though the child couldn't comprehend the hostility from the villagers, he had learned that no one in the village could be trusted, not the merchants, not the ninja, and especially not the villagers." That was the final straw for me. Okay for not having a very interesting opening, most of them are just interesting enough to make one read further, but seemingly small things like that at the end there. Those are the things that ruin a story before it has even begun. That said, I probably would've continued on until it was completely umbareable if I had read this a few months before it was published. This seems like one of those guilty pleasures, where the only thing that keeps one reading is the idea and writing not being too bad. But that was then, now I don't really have all that much time on my hands. If it's not up to a certain level of story-telling I won't read it. If this is anything like all the others like it out there then it will be much easier to read a chapter or two into the story. If I had bothered to rate this it would've been an overall rating of four. With the S&G being high and the potential EF being somewhere in the middle.
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Reviewed By: Vospader21 [MediaMiner Member] On: April 17, 2009 18:23 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Two words awesome chapter !!!!!!. This chap had without out a doubt one of the greatest cliffys I had ever seen. And I noticed you also improved on your spelling and grammar. Please update soon.
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Reviewed By: Vospader21 [MediaMiner Member] On: December 21, 2008 16:54 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
If it where possible I'd give you 100 out of 100 in originality and enjoyment factor. And I got to say I just love this new bad-ass attitude you've given Hinata. There's just one thing that bugs me, and this pet peave by the way, you keep just minor grammar and spelling mistakes. Gomen ne, but it really bugs when I read a great story and then see a tiny spelling mistake on really simple word like "and" and then suddenly be thrown off by it. Other then that great story please update soon.
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Reviewed By: Deadberserker [MediaMiner Member] On: December 20, 2008 00:55 CST
Comment/Review:
This is an interesting story so far and I do hope you continue it, but you seem to skip around a lot. It makes it hard to follow the story, but then again you could just be using that as a way to build suspense. If that's the case I apologize for insult. All that aside very nicely done, I'm curious to see what kekkei genkai you give to Naruto.
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Reviewed By: Miheran [MediaMiner Member] On: November 12, 2008 05:31 CST
Comment/Review:
its intersting to see what you did with hinata, as i have only ever seen storys were there is change at the most, but this is a completely different personality, and i can't wait to see were you go next with her and this story, keep on writing
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Reviewed By: YashaReader [MediaMiner Member] On: October 04, 2008 07:09 CDT
Comment/Review:
I won't give ratings on your story until you have a few more chapters; it wouldn't be fair to judge on so little. So far I think you have a great beginning to an interesting story. I hope we will get to find out more about what happened between the time that Naruto was taken to the hospital until his death sentence and then everything inbetween that and 'Wave'. You have a great beginning and I can't wait to see what you come up with and what you do with it. Good luck. P.S. - I liked the description of Naruto's headband... very cool. Also, if you want a beta I would be happy to take the job; though, it didn't seem as though there is much left to correct.
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Reviewed By: Deadberserker [MediaMiner Member] On: August 01, 2008 01:31 CDT
Comment/Review:
This is good so far I like that your first chapter was kinda long, because it makes it easier to get into the story.The only problem I saw was that Hinata's from a respected clan that is private, so why would she be in the town park? Another thing is she is the heiress at that point so why would she not be under constant watch, so her playing with Naruto is unlikely. Other then that everything seems to be alright.
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Reviewed By: YashaReader [MediaMiner Member] On: August 01, 2008 01:20 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Definitely a good story thus far. You said that you didn't think you would be any good at writing a Naruto story but I would like to argue that point and say that I think you are doing a wonderful job; even if it is only the first chapter. Keep up the good work ad I con't wait to see what happens in the next chapter.
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Reviewed By: OneLove On: July 31, 2008 23:17 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
You are great... I love your story and I hope VERY much that I will see another update soon =) Good Luck Creating Awesomeness =) ja ne
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Reviewed By: Miheran [MediaMiner Member] On: July 31, 2008 19:30 CDT
Comment/Review:
you started very well and have a good, strong story line as well as having your OC's well devaloped without going to much into detail. i can not wait for the next chapter. keep on writing
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