Reviewed By: EldestWaywardSon On: December 11, 2009 14:32 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 4 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 5 of 10
Overall Rating: 4 of 10 Comment/Review:
The all italics bit made it all seem like it was supposed to be a dream or something, and there were a few misused words. You also slide back and forth between past and present tense and it makes the story harder to read. Lastly, a lot of the lines were cheesy. Rather than try to write out what might sound hot you might try writing things that people actually say, in the way that people actually talk. Inflection, tone, word usage; to pass off the characters as life-like, you've gotta match them to their canon counterparts or it comes off strangely. Dean's a bad ass and a sarcastic jerk, especially during emotional moments. It's really hard to think he would be... girly in the way he talks just because he's fucking. No offense, just saying. All in all, it as rather sordid smut and only partially believable. Oh, I did want to ask how Sam could be naked on the bed, jerking off, and then later have Dean take Sam's pants off. Consistency.
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